Work Text:
Here’s how Seokjin knew Taehyung was feeling down in the dump.
Seokjin came home, his clothes ragged, hair disheveled, a cigarette lying ready between his lips. The door opened and instead of his coffee table, he found an island of succulents. Red, green, gray, mustard yellow — tiny dots of colors decorating the living room, looking so out of place with the leather couch and sharp bookshelves.
He kicked the door closed, trying to be as gentle as his careless body allowed. The empty bag was forgotten somewhere near the shoe rack. Seokjin didn’t know why he kept carrying it around — He couldn’t really bring work out of the law firm.
The jacket’s inner pocket was turned inside out, in search of a lighter while Seokjin wandered through the apartment, looking for his boyfriend. And there Taehyung was — asleep in the bedroom, seated on the floor, hand folded on the bed, next to his head a laptop that had run out of battery.
On one of their rare date nights, Taehyung said Seokjin made him want to be a better person, him being able to remain kind despite his line of work and all that. The words sank to the bottom of Seokjin’s heart, lingered in his head for weeks until he realized he did not feel the same. He bit on his tongue, eyes tearful when he confessed, that he felt more like a monster.
Taehyung, who was hand-sprinkling their plants, sprayed cold water on Seokjin for his nonsense. And before Seokjin could react, Taehyung stooped down, kissing him on the cheek, whispering words of comfort, that it’s okay, that it’s not a competition, that even if it was he would let Seokjin win anyway.
Taehyung made him human again.
It’s not a competition, but Seokjin let Taehyung claim victory at times like this. Cigarettes and lighter put away neatly back in his pockets. He strode to retrieve Taehyung’s laptop and place it on the nightstand. He pulled him up to the bed, crouched down to support his lower body, careful so that it didn’t hurt. Taehyung squirmed a little at the discomfort, but fell back to sleep almost immediately. Seokjin pulled a blanket over him, then retreated, closing the door.
There was half a box of pizza, a small serving of sweet pumpkin soup and a box of tossed salad in the kitchen. Seokjin decided to light a cigarette while he waited for the microwave to spin the food. He must do it outside, otherwise the fire alarm would go off and Taehyung wouldn’t let him hear the last of it.
On the balcony, Seokjin breathed in the bitter nicotine, feeling his mouth going drier and hotter by the second. When he exhaled, a string of smoke followed, carrying the faintest of troubles away, stress reduced to floating clouds of carbon. But much like the nicotine that remained in his system, Seokjin knew it's not going anywhere.
A vine of ivy was watching him from the left. Just a little bit longer and it would reach the ground floor. He reached out to touch a small, tender leaf that can’t be more than 3 days old, flicking it, giving it the life left in him.
“How are you, little one? Did you have fun at home with him today?”
Sometimes Seokjin hoped it could answer, filling him in with all the things Taehyung did throughout the day, how exactly he felt asleep like that, how he carried all those succulents on his own, or was he bothering Jimin again. Sometimes he wished himself to be a small pot of plants, residing somewhere in a corner of his life, greeting him every morning, being with him every second of the day.
“I’m gonna miss you, truly. But will you miss me at all?”
The ivy didn’t respond. The cigarette burnt to ashes. Before his pathetic self could reach for a second, Seokjin returned to the kitchen, to the awaiting piece of pizza. He cleaned after himself just in time to catch up on his anime. He had to carefully move the mountain of succulents around the table, so his beer could have a foothold.
As characters were fighting on the screen, there was a familiar sound coming from the bedroom — a plug in the socket.
Seokjin himself was pretty disciplined. The moment his eyes opened in the morning, he was already out of bed, never a wasted second. Taehyung was the polar opposite, choosing to lounge for half an hour or so before even thinking about getting up.
So times like this reminded Seokjin how earnest his boyfriend could be, especially when it came to the works he showcased to others.
He allowed Taehyung some time, and himself as well, to finish the episode, trash the empty can of beer, brush his teeth before returning to their bedroom, where he found Taehyung exactly where he was when Seokjin came home — sitting on the floor, now with hands working over a laptop on the bed.
“Hey.” Taehyung greeted, eyes glued to the screen.
“Hey Ivy.” Seokjin echoed with a smile. He drifted to where the other was, studying the video-editing interface that split into smaller screens. Taehyung had walked him through the software maybe once or twice for no particular reason other than “you could help if I lost a hand or something,” so he knew where things were supposed to come from, and how to export what you wanted. But to stitch everything together using only shortcuts? Taehyung might as well be a witch.
As his boyfriend hesitated on the timing of a transition, Seokjin took the opportunity to lump against him, body draping all over Taehyung, not forgetting a kiss on the nape. Taehyung shuddered at the touch, but made no move to stop the man.
So he kept littering kisses, from the back of Taehyung’s head, to the dip at the end of his neck, nibbling along his shoulder then back to his ear, all while slipping both hands down Taehyung’s arms.
“Let’s go to bed, yeah?” He asked when their fingers intertwined.
With Seokjin’s hands still on top of his, Taehyung shortcut-saved the video he’d been working on for the past few days, turning sideways to peck Seokjin on the cheek.
Returning a quick kiss, Seokjin let go of his hands to close the laptop, and place it on top of the drawer for the second time that night, now with wires tangling somewhere in the middle, looking like their jungle of vines on the balcony outside.
Before he could point that out, however, he turned to find the other had already settled under the cover, opening his arm to welcome him in. So Seokjin happily complied, plunging onto the bed, onto Taehyung’s chest, punching a playful “hmph” out of his boyfriend, both of them chuckling, closing their eyes. Seokjin fell into the act of drawing small circles on Taehyung’s back, while the other rubbed at his neck.
“What happened?” He asked. Seokjin could never hide the smell of cigarettes from him.
“Just— Same old thing.”
“What’s it?”
“Tax fraud.”
“Did they do it?”
“Well there can be— alternative understandings.”
Taehyung sighed into Seokjin’s hair, reveling in the faded smell of their shared body wash, pulling him closer. Seokjin faked a noise of suffocation, making Taehyung chuckle then poke at his side. Feeling ticklish, the older opened his eyes, only to find a pair of big brown eyes staring at him, full of worry. He softened, words of protest dying on his tongue, scooting closer back to Taehyung.
“What do you think of me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you think I can be better?”
Seokjin didn’t understand what he was asking either. But unprompted doubt was an old friend.
“I think we are doing the best we can.”
Taehyung seemed to mull over his own words. His hand stilled on Seokjin’s neck. They both leaned in closer, bodies pressing together in an unspoken understanding. In Seokjin’s arms Taehyung felt firm enough to be his rock, yet gentle as a pillow; cuddly enough for days like these, when he only wanted to curse at himself and running away seemed to be the only option.
“I love you.” He said.
“I love you, too.”
He waited, for the soft snores to vibrate against his body, considering how wrecked his boyfriend looked. But the hand on his neck began rubbing in circles again, and Seokjin melted into the touch. Sometimes Taehyung felt even more addictive than nicotine.
“Did you find a place for the coconut?”
Seokjin was referring to the taller-than-himself coconut tree that Taehyung bought as soon as they got together, when Seokjin really couldn’t refuse and helped him carry it up three flights of stairs. It hadn’t grown much, being indoor and all, but Seokjin still shivered thinking about moving it around.
Silence resumed. He opened his eyes again, wiggling out of Taehyung’s hold to peer at him, trying to look as demanding as he could.
“Namjoon-hyung doesn’t want it.” Taehyung sighed, giving in to Seokjin's puppy eyes. “Says it’s too big for his house. We still have Jungkook, but you know how playful his dogs are.”
“That’s such a cheap excuse for the mountain of succulents in the living room.” Seokjin teased, feigning offense. Taehyung felt his heart sink to his stomach nonetheless.
“As if you’re not justifying your smoking?” He shot back.
“Wait, I thought if you jump, I jump?” Seokjin chuckled, stringing Taehyung’s giggles along with his. They’re each other’s worst influence at times.
“You’re breaking the rule, you know?”
“And you’re right there next to me.” Seokjin pressed a kiss under his chin, as if compensating for the teasing. Taehyung knew retail therapy as a coping mechanism wasn’t the best, even if it’s just plants and not designer handbags. That was until his apartment ran out of space, resulting in him temporarily living with Seokjin until he could figure out where to put away some of his babies.
The vines could strangle everyone it saw for all he cared, Taehyung had said in one of their (also) rare frustrated nights. Jimin had been nagging at his habit non-stop, for his own good. And when Seokjin came to know about his newest purchases, he had been so nice that it angered Taehyung all the more. So he grew thorns. He gnawed on Seokjin’s kindness, expecting a backlash at him being unreasonable.
But little did Taehyung know, his boyfriend had already let him win. Seokjin did not think of it as a sacrifice, or something he must do for their relationship to work. It’s just, he knew the younger needed some of these nights once in a while. Taehyung, for all the wonders that he was worth, only wanted to be kind. In moments of not wanting to be nice, he still wanted to be nice.
Seokjin knew, so he let him be bad. When all the steam was gone, Seokjin made a scene of storming out, only to come back with a venus flytrap, god knows where he got it in the middle of the night, and tasked Taehyung with growing it into a giant that could guard their door, “if you care about plants that much.” Taehyung bursted into tears, Seokjin kissed every drop away.
“Seriously you gotta move it before Sunday. That’s the day after tomorrow. Plus where are you putting the succulents? This place is starting to look like yours when we first met. And that was, to quote Jimin, worse than Howl’s bedroom.”
“Geez slow down. Half of them are gifts for Jimin.”
“And the other half?”
“For Jungkook of course.”
“He finally said yes? To the coconut or the succulents?”
“Both. But I’m— worried.”
“His dogs are well-trained! I didn't even get a chance to study abroad. They had run from Prague to Vienna! They’re global citizens!”
Taehyung chuckled at his ridiculous boyfriend. His hands resumed their gentle movements on Seokjin’s nape. The older didn’t realize when he fell asleep to the comforting touch, and the mental image of himself running around Europe with three Dobermans.
When he woke, it was Saturday. Taehyung was nowhere to be found, not in the bedroom, the living room or the balcony, where he usually spent time editing outside even when it’s scorching hot or too windy. Mental training, he would say, although Seokjin deemed it unnecessary. Wasn’t working with media tiring enough?
He couldn’t decide whose job was worse — his defending criminals or Taehyung’s that bled into the weekends, eating up most of his free time. Taehyung had said it’s a blessing he found Seokjin right before graduation, otherwise he would still be a virgin with this kind of peculiar job. Seokjin had laughed, karate-chopped his fluffy head, saying that he was living right downstairs, that all Taehyung needed to do was knock.
You did more than just knock , didn’t you? He wondered to himself, as he found Taehyung in his own apartment, the one right above Seokjin’s, trying to bite off a piece of duct tape. Seokjin moved to wrap his arm around his shoulder, offering a key to help tear off the tape. They worked together seamlessly, him holding the box while Taehyung securing its lids.
“Aren’t you working today?”
“I finished while you were sleeping.” Taehyung smiled, a little proud of himself, putting the box full of house decorations onto a pile of its own kind. By the door stood boxes that were sorted by kitchen’s, living room’s and bedroom’s. “Besides, I promised to help you with packing today, didn’t I? And that coconut tree.”
“Given how much was on your plate I didn’t expect you to pull through.”
“Surprise surprise!” He sang.
“Wait. No. I always deliver, though? What do you mean, Jelly Bean?” Taehyung changed his expression mid-sentence, from content to disbelief, although they both knew he was just playing.
“I mean, my boyfriend works so hard he deserves a break on weekends.” Seokjin caved, wits not ready in the early morning. Pleased, Taehyung nuzzled into Seokjin’s neck, planting kisses on his collarbones. He pulled away before Seokjin could reach up to play with his hair.
“That was the last of the boxes, by the way. The truck will be here in an hour. You can go with them to our new place. I will stay here and take care of the babies.”
Our new place. Seokjin gulped, heart doing a flip, still not used to the phrase.
“Can’t I stay with you?”
“Well, technically you can but then there's no one to carry our stuff to our place. We want to at least unpack the mattress, pillows, covers, and blankets? We can order take-out for dinner so forget about the kitchenware. Also just a heads-up, I kinda mixed up shoes, books, and some clothings, so don’t be surprised.”
“How?”
“Early Saturday morning brain?” He shrugged. Seokjin nodded, understanding.
“How about we sort everything out together? Going to— our new place and starting again from here? It will take more time but I want to be by your side today.” He stuttered a bit, tilting his head to the side. Taehyung grinned his signature boxy smile. Seokjin found the idea of spending every day with him, for an infinite amount of time, more feasible.
Another anecdote on one of their date nights;
Seokjin confessed, at the beginning of their acquaintance, he held himself back because as a taxpayer he didn’t want to get involved with an undergraduate.
“You thought you’re better than me.” Taehyung deadpanned.
“Not better as in I am inherently a candidate for heaven’s gates.” Seokjin shrugged, as if he’s not nervous at all to talk about it, as if he’s not fearing that Taehyung would see less of him. “We had different matters to worry about. The fact that yours involved schoolwork and graduation, which I despised and only wanted to leave in the past, threw me off.”
But Taehyung just kept their fingers intertwined as they walked along the Han river.
“What changed your mind?”
“You?”
“Seokjin-ssi, would you please elaborate your claims to the jury?”
He laughed, pulling the other closer, ruffling his hair.
“I was kind of right, you know? You were so antsy about the graduation project. You lost your temper so quickly. You didn’t know how to take care of yourself—”
The memory whisked away when there was a knock on the front door. Confused, Seokjin remained seated on the floor, while his boyfriend ran to greet a food delivery guy, dancing on his way out.
Seokjin, a licensed attorney, couldn’t pinpoint when Taehyung had matured into such a fine adult, both appearance-wise and emotion-wise. Just one year after graduation, he had proved time and time again that he was the most special specimen on this planet. He grew and grew and grew, until one day Seokjin realized Taehyung had been pulling him forward, no longer the other way around. Planning the dates plus vacations for two, taking care of both apartments, all the while managing his jobs and networking. If it weren’t for the plants and pots piling at Taehyung’s then Seokjin’s door, anyone would think he had his life together.
So when Seokjin watched as Taehyung fumbling with the change, worrying even the awaiting delivery guy, he chuckled to himself a bit, refusing to believe this was the man in charge of apartment-hunting, then sorting out the logistics then the packing situation, all within a month after Seokjin proposed they should live together where there was enough space for both of them, for Taehyung’s plants and Seokjin’s collection of mugs, now that they could afford one.
“I still feel bad you have to rid most of your books.” Taehyung chewed on a roll of kimbap. A plate of jokbal and another bowl of tteokbokki sat in front of them.
“Say it for what it was, Ivy-ah. Encyclopedias.” Seokjin popped a spicy piece of rice cake in his mouth, pout on full display.
“But we shouldn’t have given them away, right? Do you think we can buy some back at some point?”
“No, it’s fine. I barely touch them anymore. Besides, you had to give away a large portion of your plants, too. That was hard for you, while I have no emotions whatsoever for the encyclopedias.”
“If only we can afford an even bigger place.”
“Maybe later?”
“Sure, Jelly Bean.”
“I gave up all my juuls and you’re still calling me that?”
“What? It’s cute! Imagine me calling you Marlboro, or Esse.”
“I’m more of a Black Devil kind of guy.”
“Okay Jelly Bean.”
After a good laugh, the day proceeded as smoothly as clockwork. The truck came to pick up all of their stuff, dropping them off to their new apartment. The couple brought everything in and without unpacking, going back to the old building to sort out Taehyung’s plant situation.
The plan was to rent a car and drive them to Jimin’s place, where they would stay for about a week. The couple could finish unpacking without the fear of one moment of carelessness that would lead to broken ceramics and scattered dirt all over the house. A seven seater van, that’s what they deemed appropriate, was soon filled with little pots of clay, sitting neatly in their cardboard boxes. Taehyung drove, while Seokjin anxiously held in his lap a nerve plant, bigger than his head, with veiny leaves that wave at him with every bump on the road.
“What does this one do again?” asked Seokjin, although he knew his boyfriend took some of the plants home for no reason at all, sometimes without prior knowledge of their names, let alone some random meaning the internet gave them.
“It brings luck. Some say it can enhance your memory, but I don’t really get how that works.”
“Hmmm we should have some of these in the office then.”
“You can take that one if you like.”
“Really?”
Taehyung laughed. “Why are you so surprised? You’ve been taking care of plants for as long as we date. You can handle this one. Besides, it's not that hard.”
“You always say that!”
“Because it’s true! Look, even I can grow a coconut tree indoors, nothing can stop you having this guy in your office. It’s gonna make you happier there.”
Taehyung had said the same thing when they started talking, and he gave Seokjin 2 plants that were overwatered until Taehyung intervened. He had been happy. He was happy. But that was all Taehyung’s doing. Seokjin supposed if Taehyung wasn’t interested in plants, but instead in stamps, or coins or comic books, they would be happy together nonetheless, because he couldn’t even remember a version of himself without Taehyung, a world where the nickname Ivy didn’t exist wasn’t worth living.
“Okay. Okay I will bring this to work. You’re gonna email me the details on how much water and sunlight it needs though. And I want specific numbers, not just the vague ‘preferably many.’”
“Geez, you’re more demanding than my clients.”
“Thanks, I got that from mine.”
“Unfortunately.”
Jimin welcomed them with a smile, and an eye roll. He had been the one to carry the plants up three flights of stairs before Seokjin came into the picture. Seeing most of them again, Taehyung’s times of silent struggles flashing through his mind. The thought was shared with Seokjin, revealed over dinner once, while Taehyung had passed out on the couch due to exhaustion.
“Don’t you wish he would do something rather than spending hard-earned money on plants?” He pushed.
“I do.” Seokjin admitted, smiling. “As much as he’d like me to do anything rather than smoking whenever I’m stressed out.”
Jimin had stayed silent then, realizing how sensitive the topic was for both of them. If he wanted a comrade to persuade Taehyung out of his habit, he chose the wrong guy. However, if he wanted someone who could accept and sympathize with his best friend, Seokjin was the most perfect man.
“But there’s more to that.” Seokjin continued. “He grows life, beautiful living things out of his struggles, while you see, I’m kinda destroying myself.”
“Seriously hyung? You’re gonna indulge him because he indulges you?”
“He’s not indulging me. Far from it. And I’m not indulging him, either. But there’s only so much we can do, you know? We do fight sometimes but at the end of the day, we’re not gonna blame each other for decisions made as individuals.”
So Jimin was staying silent now, as Taehyung and Seokjin ran around in his apartment, organizing the plants that were to stay for a couple of days. He was also there when they had to give away some after deciding to move in together in a new place. Taehyung had cried his eyes out, Seokjin tried to sooth him by patting his back while Jimin sighed at his unknowing attachment to the plants.
Seokjin didn’t expect Jimin to understand how their differences could amount to one common ground of respect and understanding. He just hoped Jimin knew that was what’s happening, and that Seokjin supported his best friend in every way he could.
Taehyung placed the last pot of plant on Jimin’s balcony, it was the ivy that started it all. His boyfriend must have noticed that too, because Seokjin was leaning in and stealing a kiss on his lips, unable to contain his emotion. It only spurred Taehyung on. He held Seokjin’s face with both hands, showering him with soft brushes, pulling him closer by the waist when he ran out of places to peck, resting their foreheads together, breathing him in.
“Yah, you have a whole new apartment for that,” Jimin commented from inside the house. “Don’t contaminate my place with disgusting lovey dovey stuff.”
“You owe me, Chim.” Taehyung continued holding Seokjin’s hands, leading the way towards the front door, actually leaving. The older one suddenly felt shy at the gesture. “For all the nasty secrets I’m keeping.”
Jimin scurried them back to the vehicle, shooing them away like they’re the plague, still grasping tightly onto each other. Taehyung resumed kissing Seokjin once they’re back in the van and his friend had gone out of sight.
“Thank you,” he whispered on the pillowy lips under his own.
“Suddenly?” Seokjin murmured. The question was swallowed by Taehyung’s mouth.
“I know it hasn't been easy being with me.” He pulled away, locking eyes with the elder. “But you’ve been so patient. Even from before we met you’ve been offering nothing but kindness. Thanks to that I could grow up as I am. You put up with my nonsense, willingly tolerate me in our foreseeable future, and you love my babies as your own. I know you know I couldn’t say the same about your cigarettes.”
Seokjin smiled, a hint of guilt stirred in his belly. “It’s okay. I hate that I need them too. We’ve been over this before but I wanna thank you again, for always looking at me, seeing the best in me.”
Taehyung gave him one big kiss. “Let’s go home, shall we?”
He nodded, beaming.
They’re gonna be okay, even if Seokjin felt like he needed a cigarette as soon as he clocked in at work, even if he came home to a gigantic monstera or another mountain of succulents, even if Taehyung went on sleepless nights alternating between editing and cleaning leaves. Seokjin would always let him win, because Taehyung had been the greatest win in his life.
When they parked the rented van in the lot, it was nearing 9 PM and Taehyung’s phone rang, startling them both. He gasped while looking at the ID, quickly accepting and putting the call on speaker.
“Yah! I was promised a coconut tree and have been waiting for it the entire day! Where the fuck is it!?” Jungkook’s voice echoed in the small vehicle. Seokjin looked at Taehyung while Taehyung was already staring at the coconut tree that was so snuggly arranged under the seat that they forgot about it wholeheartedly. They laughed as Jungkook complained loudly on the phone.
“Sorry, Kookie.” Seokjin said, covering his face in embarrassment, although Taehyung was his only witness. “But I guess we’re keeping it after all.”
Across from him, Taehyung had a fond smile on his face, hand reaching out for Seokjin’s. “Yeah, sorry Kook.” And he ended the call, despite Jungkook’s offended mumbling.
“You know,” Taehyung brought Seokjin’s hand to his lips, “I thought you hated that tree.”
“I love your babies as my own, remember?”
“Even if it’s gonna be a pain to carry up to our apartment now?”
“Even if I have to do it all over again.”
It was, indeed, a pain.
Seokjin complained the whole way up, contrasting his every word, making Taehyung laugh. What’s worse was they only started to unpack the mattress after that, so it was well into midnight when finally they got something to rest their back upon. They laid tangled together, in the middle of unopened boxes and a slightly overgrown coconut tree, outer clothes dropped carelessly on the floor, Seokjin’s cigarettes and lighter hidden somewhere in the pile;
There was only one pot of plant in their place, and the air hadn’t been spoiled with burnt nicotine yet. It was true, wherever you go, you bring yourself with you. Seokjin had learnt, with Taehyung, that was the best part.