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Josie checks the message on her phone again for the hundredth time to make sure she read the last message right.
You can find me among the cherubs.
Trust her ex to say the most annoyingly obscure shit ever.
Josie looks up at the towering Gothic cathedral before her. An architectural behemoth that could rival her towering anxiety. She heads towards one of the massive open doorways, trying not to feel unnerved by the amount of stone saints looking down at her. She feels like she’s being welcomed to Christian heaven as she crosses the threshold separating the church from streets of Antwerp. White columns shoot up to the ceiling as a gold-laden dome looms over the altar. There was a choir singing in a language she didn’t understand and if she wasn’t so focused on finding Penelope the majestic interior of the cathedral would have taken her breath away.
Her eyes are naturally drawn to the cause of the musical chorus at the side of the altar before landing on the giant painting of a woman surrounded by angels and people who seem to be worshipping her. Josie’s eyes move up, following the columns and golden embellishments and winged marble cherubs, before spotting a familiar head of hair near one of the columns on the inner balcony. Her black sweater was a stark contrast against the white of the column she was next to. And her hair was half-falling on her face. It was longer now. Penelope tucks it behind her ear, giving Josie a clearer look of her profile.
Josie’s heartbeat suddenly stutters, which may not even be possible but even so, it certainly felt like it. This was disconcerting to Josie since she was only looking at her ex. She can barely even make out Penelope’s facial features from this far and she’s already starting to feel things that seem biologically impossible. Josie berates herself for the absolute cliché of a stuttering heart as she looks for a way upstairs.
She spots a little alcove with a spiraling staircase. Josie walks towards it but hesitates mid-way. She gives Penelope a last look. It’s been more than a year since she laid eyes on Penelope. Life is fleeting and there are so many unknowns about hers that she feels like the moment she loses sight of Penelope she won’t find her when she reaches the top of the staircase. Josie finds herself taken aback by how strongly she’s hoping—no, praying— to whatever divine being that exists, whatever ounce of mercy the universe has, that when she reaches the top of the stairs Penelope doesn’t disappear as if she was nothing more than a figment of Josie’s imagination. Josie feels her heart clench at the thought, a phantom grip of pain at the thought of losing Penelope again.
As if sensing Josie’s dilemma, green eyes find its way to brown. Penelope stands properly from her hunched position on the railings as her stare burns its way to Josie. Josie feels a shiver down her spine from the look. Even from this distance the intensity of Penelope’s gaze manages to light a fire in Josie’s chest. Their eyes are glued to each other, neither wanting to move, neither knowing if reality would be so kind as to make them meet again.
Josie doesn’t know how long they were just looking at each other but an abrupt end in the singing as the conductor berates a musician breaks them out of their trance. They both glance at the choir before finding each other’s gaze once more. Josie finds the strength to not get lost in Penelope’s eyes again and heads straight for the alcove with the stairs. She climbs the stairs two at a time in a desperate attempt to get there in case fate’s cruelty dissolves Penelope into a hallucination.
She gets to the landing just as Penelope is halfway towards the staircase. “Hi,” Josie says, losing her breath within that one word, from physical exertion or from the sight of her ex, she doesn’t know. That one spoken word echoes between them as Penelope looks at Josie in bewilderment, as if she couldn’t comprehend how Josie was in front of her.
Josie isn’t sure if it’s possible for the lungs to stop needing oxygen, but she swears she has none left in them and she doesn’t feel that she needs more. Maybe Lizzie’s vampirism affects her as well. Who knows? No one knows. All Josie knows is that time is a fragile thing, and she wants to exist in this bubble with Penelope even if all they do is look at each other from this distance. If time froze Josie wouldn’t be terribly disappointed that this is the moment she gets to spend her existence living. No words spoken and no heartbreak stirred. Only the fire of her first love burning inside her.
Penelope isn’t content with being frozen in time though. She steps forward with hesitation in her eyes that quickly turn into resolve as she strides towards Josie. Josie finds herself meeting Penelope halfway and their arms snake around each other, locking into place like an inevitability. Josie finds herself being engulfed in Penelope’s ridiculously expensive perfume that smells like smoky rose and warmth, and safety, and everything Josie used to associate with love. She still associates it with love. But there’s loss there now. Heartbreak. It almost makes her ache for when their love was still sweet and innocent. Almost.
“I miss you,” is what comes out of Josie’s mouth in a whisper.
She doesn’t say, “I want to stay in your arms until we’re dust and ash.” She doesn’t say, “Living without you has been hell on earth.” She doesn’t say, “I wish I was strong enough to make you stay.”
All these words she carried inside her are heavy, guttural, buried deeply. And all that Josie could afford to give were the easiest of truths. That she missed Penelope.
“I missed you too, Jojo,” Penelope whispers back, like a secret only they shared, as if anything louder would expose their invisible wounds.
“I missed you so much,” Penelope adds, arms winding tighter around the taller witch. They stay like that, locked in each other’s embrace, with no room for reality to make its way between them. Amidst marble and gold, and heavenly song, were Penelope and Josie, together once more.
Josie was wrong. This is a better moment to be frozen in.
But moments don’t last, and Penelope pulls away. Josie tamps down the urge to chase the arms that stray away from her. Josie settles herself by taking in the woman before her. Penelope’s hair goes past her shoulders now. Her eyes are just as mesmerizing, especially under the sunlight streaming through the glass. She had replaced her nose stud with a thin silver hoop and her lips… Josie forgets herself and almost chases them with her own.
But Penelope’s stupid smirk breaks her out of her thoughts.
“Like what you see, Jojo?”
Josie flushes at the question but refuses to acknowledge the embarrassment that is her feelings. Instead she bullzdozes to another topic.
“Why did you ask to meet in a church, of all places?”
Penelope’s smirk becomes an amused smile as she lets Josie get away with her blatant tactics of conserving her dignity.
“I like the music,” Penelope says before turning around.
“Come,” she signals to Josie with a flick of her finger as she heads to the railings she was occupying before.
Josie follows along and they both look down at the choir. They still weren’t singing in a language Josie understands but apparently it’s a language Penelope is familiar with enough to be able to sing along.
“staat Uw beeltenis te pronk,
Lacht ons toe uit lindegroen,
bloemenkrans of blij festoen,”
Penelope sings softly as Josie stares at her.
“Moge 't nimmer hier verand'ren,”
She looks at Josie as she sings her last line with significantly more tenderness than the others.
The choir continues with the song but Penelope ceases to sing.
“Won’t you at least finish the whole song?” Josie asks.
“No,” says Penelope with her amused smile back in place.
Josie bites down the urge to glare at her ex. Instead, she quirks an eyebrow at her.
“So you speak German now?”
“It’s Dutch, actually.”
“Of course, it is,” Josie retorts, this time not being able to stop the eyeroll.
You just had to keep being perfect.
“You think I’m perfect?” Penelope asks the now wide-eyed siphoner.
“I think you’re Satan incarnate,” Josie replies as a natural habit. The ease that the remark slips out of her lips makes her hate herself. A flash of something too quick for Josie to catch passes over Penelope, but before Josie can rush to apologize Penelope easily spins the conversation away from unpleasant territory.
“I think Mama Mary disagrees. She did after all, let me into the church. Did the whole holy water dipping and sign of the cross to boot.”
“What?” Josie asks, a bit confused.
Penelope laughs at the confusion.
“Catholics and their rituals y’know? It’s the majority religious makeup in Belgium. Spaniards conquered them in the 1500’s. ‘Convert or die,’ that whole ordeal.”
Josie watches Penelope’s eyes sparkle as she begins to recount historical information while waving a hand gracefully towards the view in front of them. Josie marvels at the fact that for such a “queen bee,” type Penelope still manages to be a huge nerd. The crazy thing is that the witches back at Salvatore ate it up. Probably the ones in Belgium too. Josie quickly swats away the thought before enough of the green-eyed monster inside her manages to take over and embitter her.
“If you notice, the style of architecture is a mix between classical and gothic. That’s because it took a hundred and sixty-nine years to finish this church,” Penelope says, a mischievous glint in her eye that Josie manages to catch as she says the number.
“From 1352 to 1521. It was partly destroyed by fire and then by Protestants, because God forbid Christians get along. But here we are six hundred something years later, standing in the middle of history. And now these walls will forever be a witness to our existence.”
Penelope finishes with a flourish as she flashes Josie a proud smirk. Josie can’t help but smile. There was no denying Penelope’s charm, but it was definitely something else to be the object of it.
“You never fail to impress me with how much of a nerd you are,” Josie teases.
“It’s called being learned,” Penelope says with a faux glare.
Josie’s smile only grows wider. Suddenly, she’s hit with the urgency to secure Penelope’s presence in her life. There’s so much to gain from living and so little to lose when you find people worth staying for. So, Josie grabs Penelope’s hands, one on the railing and one hanging at her side. Penelope is taken aback by this but doesn’t move away as Josie’s face turns serious.
“I know we have a lot to talk about. I know we have a lot to work through. I know there’s so many things we don’t know. And this is probably really out of the blue because it’s been way too long since we last saw each other and I don’t even know if you still lo—” Josie interrupts herself, eyes widening, but she’s too far gone now not to continue, “But what I know is that I miss you and that—” Josie’s voice cracks and she feels her eyes sting, her throat closing up. So, she brings her hands up to the back of Penelope’s neck and pulls herself enough for their foreheads to touch. Penelope is bewildered but though her body is tense, and she wears a bewildered expression, she makes no move to pull away.
“—I didn’t tell you. I—,” Josie’s tears now run down her face, her hands gripping the back of Penelope’s neck like a lifeline, her face contorted in pain.
“You don’t have to—” Penelope starts, hands already wiping away Josie’s tears.
“No,” Josie shakes her head and swallows the lump in her throat. She looks Penelope in the eyes.
“I love you, Penelope. And I am sorry that I never said it back.” A sob escapes from Josie’s lips and tears start streaming down Penelope’s face too.
But Josie wasn’t done. And she needed Penelope to know.
“I couldn’t tell you then. But so much has happened and I need you to know. I need you to know. If I were a stronger person,” Josie pleads with Penelope through her eyes, hoping she understands how much Josie means this, “I would have done everything to make you stay. For me. Because I wanted you to.”
Penelope nods. She continues to wipe Josie’s tears away as she tries to smile through her sobs.
“It’s in the past, Jojo,” she says, trying to breathe through the crying, “It’s in the past.”
Penelope wraps her arms around Josie, and they stay in that crying embrace until their sobs have begun to subside.
“God, you’re so dramatic,” Josie says as she pulls away and wipes the fresh streaming tears.
Penelope lets out a laugh.
“Says the girl who literally flew to another country to find her ex and tell her she loves her,” Penelope says.
Josie can’t even be bothered with embarrassment because she’s just glad Penelope hasn’t called her crazy and ran away yet.
“I do,” Josie says, turning serious again, looking at Penelope with her puffy eyes. “I mean it, Penelope. I do.”
Penelope gives Josie a soft smile.
“I know,” Penelope says, a glimmer in her eyes as she grabs hold of the back of Josie’s neck and crashes their lips together in a searing kiss.
And josie is proven wrong yet again. But this time she thinks she has it right. This is definitely the moment she wants to live through for eternity.
The church bells toll as the choir is in the height of their Hallelujah.
Josie breaks away to look at Penelope’s swollen lips and disheveled hair.
“I think religion approved of this.” Josie says with a grin mirroring the one on Penelope’s face.
“I don’t care about religion right now, but if I had one it would be you, because this…” Penelope swiped her thumb over Josie’s bottom lip delicately, reverently, like a priest handling the eucharist.
“This is the paradise I’m willing to live my life for.”
With this said Penelope’s lips meet Josie’s again. This time with less intensity, less heat. This time with more gentleness, more warmth, more patience and relish. No urgent race against time. Just the slow, steady beat of burning hearts amidst the giant columns and marble angels, amidst the choir and the bell and the giant white columns and golden dome, and these walls, witnessing the existence of reunited lovers.