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It was meant to be a test for his crush. He repeated that sentiment to himself as he and his roommate walked to his weekend job. If he reacts negatively, I’m going to uncrush him with just one snap of my fingers. They engaged in small talk, like things about the weather the past days, and discussed their shared subjects albeit being on different degrees.
“Yesterday’s topic on drug antagonism seems like it’s a new topic, but I recall that being discussed during our general physiology subject a few terms back.”
“Same. Dr. Nina was actually my physiology professor way back, so I suggest you review your material every after lesson with her. I still can’t believe they agreed to teach medical pharmacology and veterinary pharmacology together once a week.”
“Well, we both have the same foundations. It’s just that your field requires added concepts due to the varying physiologies of your patients.”
“True that.”
It was meant to be a test for his roommate, but a new pair of black, beady eyes tested him . It– she– kept to herself in one corner of the room whilst her penmates gathered around the tall man with honey, brown eyes. Her bones were visibly jutting out, and her head was lowered, highlighting her emaciated state. Jiang Cheng couldn’t take his eyes off her the entire morning so he volunteered to take her to his department’s teaching hospital. The head of the shelter gave him a soft smile and his companion followed him without a word.
Once the exam was done, he was left alone in the room with her, the same expression as when he saw her the first time. It could’ve been going on for minutes, but it was only seconds. The solemnity of the atmosphere was broken when a gentle voice asked,
“Wanna bring her home?”:
He turned towards the source of the voice with side eyes, and stuttered,
“I–I can bring her home?”
He nodded, “It’s up to you. There’s still time to drop by the shelter.”
He sprung into action and ordered his companion to stay at the hospital. He came back a mere ten minutes later and a soft towel and a small bag of goodies.
“Let’s go home, Little Lotus.”
The soft thumps of her bony tail made Jiang Cheng’s heart burst into warmth. He forgot about his goal that day, but he did acquire an angel that day. He’ll remember why he brought Lan Xichen with him to the shelter that day the next month anyway.
Oh how I love how the sun lays upon us
Staining the inches of skin
Little Lotus adjusted fast into their small dorm. Lan Xichen would take her out for her morning walks, and he would carry her in his arms on the walk back home. Spritely as she was, her body still needed to gain some mass to give relief to her joints. Having gotten used to the routine, Little Lotus would always ask to be carried when it’s time to go home. Lan Xichen would smile softly at the dog’s antics, but would indulge her nonetheless.
On the slow days that her owner would sleep in, he and Little Lotus would have a small viewing party of the sunrise, basking under the rays of the rising sun, until the third person of their little group greets them with yawning eyes and unruly hair.
“I was wondering what took you guys too long to get back,”
“Little Lotus wanted to be carried again but she might not have realised she’s a full grown large breed.”
The newcomer placed his palms over the dog’s ears, attempting to filter out the rude comment about her.
“Hey! You bench press weights heavier than me. Little Lotus is little in your weight category. Hmph. Don’t listen to him, baby. I’ll carry you no matter how much you weigh.”
Lan Xichen laughed at this exchange and proceeded to carry both Jiang Cheng and Little Lotus back to their shared dorm. The sun was already high on the horizon, bathing everything in its warm light, mimicking the warmth he feels in his heart.
Oh says the clouds as they whisper above us
Oh what a life it's been
A slight drizzle fell from the sky and lightly coated the car’s windows. Jiang Cheng watched as wheeled luggages was towed towards the entrance of the airport. He refused to get out of the car to bid his brother farewell. He reasoned that he’ll be back in no time and no goodbyes were necessary, only see you laters. A shout and a big wave later, he embraced Little Lotus while she gave the equivalent in her own little way. He told her how he felt with his brother leaving, somewhat forgetting the second set of ears always following them. He tells her how he will miss him even if he knows this was all for the best.
“He’ll be happy there. He’ll be happy with him. I don’t always tell him, but I really do care and love him. I hope that statue will not break his heart, or I’ll break his legs. No offence, A-Huan, but there’s no ‘boyfriend’s brother’ if it happens.”
Their companion chuckled at this, but replied that the sentiment is understood and the same if it’s vice versa.
Jiang Cheng would still stare longingly at his phone after a video call, but Little Lotus would soon come trotting to his directions, laid down her head on those hands clutching the phone, and stared up at him, with the eyes he fell in love with.
“Is this how you comforted Wei Wuxian when he was down about Lan Wangji? No wonder he’s not scared of you and even asked you for cuddies. No one can say no to you.”
He opened his arms and fully embraced the dog.
“Thank you for being here, Little Lotus.”
And all of the lies we've lied
And all of the time that's timed our lives
How do we know what's wrong or right this time
Lan Xichen was on a forty-eight-hour shift when he got a call from his husband. Their lotus hadn’t stood up nor responded to any stimuli Jiang Cheng would offer. Her food was untouched, and she would whimper at any slight movement of her hind legs. The latter would make sense due to her arthritis that came with her old age, but she had been on supplements and pain killers. Her most recent vet visit showed no other signs of abnormalities, but Lan Xichen was scared of the prognosis of their little angel.
He drove straight to his husband's practice to see the vet with his head buried in one of his books and an x-ray flashed on the screen at the wall. He muttered one thing when he entered the office.
“Hypertrophic pulmonary osteoarthropathy.”
“...”
“It’s back. The osteosarcomas. They’re back and malignant.”
Lan Xichen glanced at the page and saw the highlighted page, the color fading, with some written notes at the side as well. He knew of the disease, but he hasn’t encountered it (yet) in his years as a pediatric neurologist. Their angel had been diagnosed early a few years back, but with her dad being a specialist in her illness, immediate care had been done to manage it. Lo and behold, their Little Lotus reached her ripe age of eighteen a month ago. Now, their not-so-baby was experiencing more pain than before, and it’s causing his heart pain also, literally and figuratively.
A sharp inhale broke him out of his reverie and rushed to his beloved’s side, ushering him into his embrace in an attempt to comfort him.
When all of the trees falling down to the ground and
Fall to your knees like a child that is crawling
All the while we never stop to smile
When his brother was adopted, Jiang Cheng’s dogs were surrendered to a shelter. Due to his new brother’s phobia, he came home to zero fluffy ones, and one skinny boy. He once detested him for that, but then again, he promised to keep all the scary dogs away. Though, at Little Lotus’ thirteenth birthday, he never thought he would see his cynophobic brother embrace his four-feet long, fifteen-kilo, whippet-mix rescue.
“That’s the thing! She isn’t a dog, she’s a tiny human trapped inside this fur skin! Look at her sweet little eyes!”
His Little Lotus was showered with love that day, mostly from the person he least expected it from, but it was the most welcome. A few days later though, she seemed lethargic and moving stiffly. Bringing her to his practice in his work gear was one of the scariest experiences, but he’ll push through for his Little Lotus.
The team cooed on his baby when she was brought to the examination room. He performed various tests, and that included an x-ray and some good ‘ol palpitations. Seeing the pain in his Little Lotus’ eyes as he pressed a certain part of her hindlimb and comparing it to the abnormality seen on the flashed x-ray, he immediately set up a regime for his little one.
His husband caught him knee deep in research about a topic he studied back in vet school. He highlighted every related paragraph in every related book in their expansive library. Even his husband’s medical books were open, as only humans and dogs have records of the disease. He explained to Xichen the situation, and the man went and helped him in his endeavor with a promise.
“Let me help you. We’ll do everything we can together, okay?”
Jiang Cheng was about to kiss his beloved when he heard a soft whimper by the door. His husband walked over and carried their angel, like old times. They shared a long embrace before diving back into their books, with the main subject lounging in her spot, in between the two doctors.
Oh how she loves how the spring comes to greet her
With lands overflowing with green
On one spring day, Lan Xichen was asked the most endearing thing his roommate and crush could ever ask. After playing chase with the rescue dog, he was welcomed back to their picnic blanket with the question,
“Wanna officially be Little Lotus’ dad?”
His eyes widened and his ears quickly reddened at the implication of the question. He looked straight into the eyes of the inquirer and saw a deep blush adorning that cute face. He was about to answer when their four-legged companion spoke up.
“Are you asking, as well, Little Lotus? Do you want me as a dad?”
He was answered with another bark and a sound of sputtering incoherent words. He laughed at the scene, but really, his heart felt full. He answered his roommate’s question with his softest smile and sincere “yes”.
He was then informed of the reason Jiang Cheng brought him to the shelter that fateful day. What was meant to be a test for him, became one of the most memorable events in the trio’s life. He couldn’t forget the way his now-boyfriend’s eyes would always search the room for the lone pup, and how the pup would only lift her head when Jiang cheng was around. It was aching to see them both pine for each other in that short amount of time that they’ve met. Lan Xichen was prepared to pine on his own when he suggested bringing the little lotus home–the name is so fitting now that the dog has now bloomed into her best state–into their dorm. He never expected that he would be part of the intimate circle of Jiang Cheng’s most beloved ones.
Seeing the most beautiful smile on his beloved’s face while placing flowers on their dog made Xichen thankful for being invited into that shelter to see not one, but two angels in their element.
All of the drops pulling down 'till they meet us
Latching themselves onto me
It was, by far, the worst day in Jiang Cheng’s professional life. From the start of his shift up until the end of his shift at eight in the evening, everything just kept going wrong. A cat that was run-over was his first patient. The spine was broken in half, so he offered the kind thing to be done. The family agreed, but his heart still broke at the pair of teenagers who raised the cat when it was a mere days old.
His second patient came in the form of a small puppy, sent to the x-ray for some imaging. He had high hopes for this one, but a lump on a vital part of the brain was seen. Surgery was an option, but the chances of survival for the little boy was slim. Once again, he offered the kind thing to do.
His third and last severe case of the day was a scheduled appointment. He knew of the old couple that owned a sweet fifteen-year-old Japanese Spitz. The sweet girl was the lady's companion when her husband died. He had only been a fresh graduate when he attended to the Spitz for her routine check up. Ten years into the service, he's gotten quite close to the pair. So, he was devastated to find out the old lady was hospitalized a month before, and her sweet girl was also admitted a a few days ago, both fighting a failing liver. He was on his way to check on the dog when he got a call from his husband.
"Mrs. Beth just passed."
Albeit it was rude and wrong to hang up on Xichen, he did. He's sure he would understand. He felt sad, and ready to collapse with the news, but he had to steel himself and check on the old lady's dog. But before he took another step in the direction of the practice's ICU, an assistant informed him that the dog went into cardiac arrest and was resuscitated, but she was gone. With a fixed expression, he informed of the death of the owner to the assistant. From there, he moved on autopilot, informing the dog's other family about the death and offering condolences for the lost family member as well. The remains was collected later that day, and he was told that they were both to be cremated together, as per wish of the old lady. Jiang Cheng thought this to be a touching final gesture, but he was on autopilot until he reached their home.
When the door now clicked, he sank to the floor and broke . Xichen wasn't home yet, and won't be until morning. Another 36 hour shift for him. He wanted to call him home but he can't. He won't. But he did receive a text saying he has the day off tomorrow. His way of saying he'll be there for him, but now, he isn't.
He wrapped his arms around himself and sobbed hard. Ugly, emotional sounds came out of his throat and echoed throughout the empty house. His cries must had been too loud to hear the equally loud thumping and clacks of the third resident of the Lan-Jiang household.
Once his sobs died down, and his throat lost its power, he looked up to see his Little Lotus staring at him. He still wonders if his dog was sapient, because her expression bore the same patience as her other dad would wear when Jiang Cheng had difficulty expressing something to Xichen. She stayed rooted in her place, waiting patiently for Jiang Cheng to acknowledge her, or whatever it is she was being patient with. Heaving a sigh, Jiang Cheng patted his knees and the dog approached, resting her long head between those knees. He held her and kissed the top of her head.
"Thank you for being here and reminding me I will never be alone."
He later realizes that the expression on her face was a way to mimic her other dad in an attempt to tell him that he would never be alone anymore.
We may not have missed this time
But then when they all run dry
Lan Xichen witnessed his A-Cheng fight tooth and nail for this day. He first saw the affinity A-Cheng had with animals when they were kids. Spotting an injured bird, little Jiang Cheng toddled towards the supervising Lan Qiren and asked to heal the birdie. It was endearing to ten-year old Xichen to see five-year old Cheng ask the veterinarian questions about the injured animal. It was when the vet declared the bird to be fit for release that Cheng’er declared he wants to study hard and save animals like the kind shòuyī.
Alas, they were sons of prominent families, and other things had to be prioritised. Xichen was lucky his interest lied in the family business. Jiang Cheng? Not so much. Lan Xichen would hear Wei Wuxian’s explanation whenever the Jiang brothers had to crash at his and Wangji’s shared apartment.
“Aunt Yuziyuan found out about Jiang Cheng’s volunteer work at the clinic. She went on a rampage and berated him. Then Uncle Fengmian agreed to what she said, but she got mad at him as well for not giving A-Cheng the inspiration to pursue business law instead. Basically everything got too fucked up that Jiejie told me to yeet A-Cheng out of the the place. I hope you don’t mind us crashing for a bit, Lan Zhan.”
“Mn. It’s unfortunate. Jiang Cheng is great with animals.”
Xichen also witnessed firsthand how Jiang Cheng stood his ground and basically disowned himself from the family at one important dinner.
“I passed the exam to veterinary school.”
“This again, A-Cheng? We gave you leeway in highschool, but you need an appropriate pre-law.”
“I don’t want to do law, Mother.”
“Jiang Cheng! We’re a family of lawyers! That brat Wei Wuxian must have corrupted your mind.”
“Now, now, Ziyuan. A-Xian didn’t force anything onto A-Cheng.”
“From whom did he get the idea of saving animals then? He kept telling A-Cheng stories about birds! If only Wei Wu–”
“Enough! It’s not anyone’s fault! Not Wei Wuxian’s, Father’s, or mine. It’s not even a fault to pursue a noble cause. I’m enrolling next semester and moving out tomorrow. If you don’t like it, then goodbye.”
It was Jiang Cheng’s birthday dinner when he declared his adamance in pursuing the degree. It was also the day he realised his feelings for the younger man. Since then, he started supporting him in the shadows.
Now, he gets to witness one of the peaks in Jiang Cheng’s road to having that DVM at the end of his name.
“And to give a speech on behalf of the graduates, I present to you the valedictorian, Jiang Cheng.”
Xichen gave the biggest and loudest applause his hands could do, but nothing could beat the happy barks and howls of Little Lotus. Her whole backside was dancing to the excitement that seemed to kick up a notch when her hero and dad waved in their direction.
“...and when I was about to give up halfway through this road, I met an angel. She pushed me and pulled me through tough times and accompanied me during those sleepless nights. Just one look at her and I willed myself to get back on track. It is thanks to her that I am standing here today in front of all of you. So, thank you, my dear Little Lotus for your existence.”
Xichen lifted the not-at-all-small dog and placed her on the stage where he watched Jiang Cheng shower her with kisses in front of the whole audience in attendance. Having witnessed Jiang Cheng’s journey to reach his dreams, he too is grateful for the little angel that came into their lives.
And that beautiful light that lights our eyes is gone
What have we done?
Jiang Cheng was quite versed in getting the severe cases sent to him. Not a day went by where he would witness owners break down into ugly sobs when he told them the worst news. Not a day went by where he would send a beloved four-legged companion across the rainbow bridge. He broke down the first time he did it when he was still an intern. After that shift, he went straight home and embraced Little Lotus as hard and as long as he could, whispering sweet nothings and promising he would do everything in his power to make her live as long as he could.
He kept that promise when a certain lump was seen on one of her routine checkups. The prognosis was bad, but Jiang Cheng is a stubborn veterinary oncologist. If he saw a chance, he would take it. And that he did, so Little Lotus celebrated until her eighteenth birthday last month. It was only today he realized that might have been her last one with him.
He and Xichen poured themselves into the books laid out in front of them, but Jiang Cheng already knew of the outcome. There was nothing else he could do. Surgery wasn’t an option, and she was too old for chemotherapy. The only option left was kindness.
He didn’t want to do it, but he had to. His dear angel is in pain, and will be for the rest of her life. The cancer would just proliferate and she’ll deteriorate. He didn’t want to see her revert back to the state he first saw her in, no. The only thing left for him to do was give her a soft goodbye.
He looked at Xichen, who was waiting patiently for his decision. He gazed at his husband with a solemn expression and nodded. He has made his choice.
One look at his team and they knew what to do. The apparatus was prepared in no time, and they even brought it lotus-flavored ice cream for their favorite furchild. Days when Little Lotus would lounge at the receiving area flashed through his mind as the angel lapped on her first and last cone of lotus ice cream. He watched as Xichen rubbed the back of her ears and kissed her forehead then snout, for one last time. His husband also touched his and Little Lotus’ foreheads together, his lips were moving but no sound was coming out from it. He must have been whispering to their angel.
Jiang Cheng approached the table and laid his head beside hers. He looked at the technician and immediately pried his eyes off the empty syringe. He caressed her head with his free hand and kept peppering her snout with feather light kisses. He kept whispering sweet nothings to his anchor, to his inspiration, to the physical reminder of his profession, to his angel. His throat started to ache and his vision began blurring when she closed her eyes. He moved his hand to her abdomen and felt the slowing and rise-and-fall of her lungs. With one last breath, she had become a true angel. With one last kiss, Jiang Cheng sent his angel to become a true angel.
When all of the trees falling down to the ground and
Fall to your knees like a child that is crawling
All the while we never stop to stare
Do we even care?
Her first sight of the world was filled with vertical lines and it smelled so, so bad. Whenever she saw this big, tall creature, she would tell it how stinky her place was. Sadly, her complaints fell to deaf ears. Soon, the smell wasn’t the problem anymore. It was now food. Sure, she would get some, but not always. It couldn’t even count as sometimes. She would just get it. She felt miserable. She saw other dogs walking by the street beside her, with the same set of leashes on her neck, but why do they seem so happy? Why couldn’t she feel like that? She once asked the human (she learned later on that’s what they were called), but she was thrown a rock insead. So, she shut up and never mentioned it ever again.
That is until another human– humans, they’re many– replaced the leash on her neck with something softer, and wrapped her in something soft as well. She was placed in another vertical lined thingy, but had the softest floor! She couldn’t stand how small it was, but the softness was too hard to not snooze on.
She later woke up when she felt a sudden jerk in her surroundings. She tried to stand, but alas, it was still too small. The human who wrapped her up soon appeared on her periphery and carried her somewhere. She was later placed on the floor, and the gate to her vertical thingy was opened. The smell of the place overwhelmed her. So many new faces. So many new things. So many new scents. And she’s afraid.
She retreated back into a corner in an attempt to stop the hounding of other dogs. She looked up to call for help, and was met with the warmest eyes she had ever seen. She kept staring at the human and the human eventually met eyes with her. She kept her gaze, and so did he. They were in a perpetual staring contest even if they weren’t looking at each other anymore.
Soon, she was wrapped again in a soft blanket– so that’s what it was called –and was carried to a place called a vet clinic. The warm-eyed human and another human with a weird smell did things to her, like poke her, put something inside her butt, and poked a needle somewhere on her leg. She could go berserk right then and there but the companion of the warm-eyed human– his face is always so bright, ugh –soothed her anxiousness with his bright face.
She didn’t understand what happened next, but before she knew it, she had a bed. She had a bowl. She was given food five times a day or more! She thanked them with her speech but immediately retracted to her space when a hand lifted up. She didn’t feel any rocks after her bark, so she approached the waiting limb and sniffed it. The fingers scratched her chin and oh. That’s what those things can do. From then on, She exploited every opportunity to get those hands on her and make sure they stay on her for as long as she likes. Her new companions seemed to get even warmer whenever she did that. Goodness, she never wants to leave them.
That is until she saw warm-eyed human have such a cold expression on his eyes. She only understood a few phrases, but she knew the word “tired” is a bad word. Bright-faced human told her to never leave warm-eyed when he is tired. She was advised to cuddle and give him kisses if she could. Luckily, kisses and cuddles were her forte! She closed their distance and placed a slobbering kiss on warm-eyed human’s face. It worked! His eyes warmed up a bit even if there was still a hint of coldness. Oh well, nothing like more kisses and cuddles to warm those eyes up!
She later learned she’s called Xiao Lian, or Little Lotus. Her and bright-faced human would walk before the sun rises and he would call her that when he lets go of the leash. Every time she would return to bright-faced human after calling her name, she got a treat! And a head massage at the back of her ears! Oh, and kisses! Not like how she does it, but they’re still kisses.
Speaking of kisses, she once saw warm-eyed and bright-faced with their mouths together. She tried jumping in and joining them, but all she got was a groan from bright-faced. A kiss and a cuddle from warm-eyed made up for the other’s negative reaction.
When she had gotten older and wiser, she knew how to spot a bad day before it could even happen. Her instinct told her to wait for her papa– this is better than warm-eyed –in the middle of the living room. Minutes later, her papa basically dropped all his belongings by the door and caught her in a tight embrace. There were still some words she couldn’t understand, but she understood this statement very well, “You are my angel. No matter what, I will never leave you.” The past three years were testament she would never leave them be.
Until one day she had to.
For the past sixteen years of her long dog life, she had only experienced love and kindness being directed to her. In those sixteen years of her life, she could also see the grief and cruelty life has to offer to humans. To the best of her abilities, she tried to chase those away with her wet kisses, loud barks, and quirky antics. She witnessed firsthand the fall of her papa and dad during a rough exam week. She saw with her own eyes the water that fell down her papa’s eyes that one time. She also witnessed how their expressions seemed to get warmer and brighter with every kiss on their face and poke on their thighs. She also saw the big smile and little dance they did with her when she would smile and dance as well. For the eighteen years of her long, long life, she only knew to give love.
But at the very end of those eighteen years, she learned to give grief.
On her last breaths, she realized she became the reason for the coldness. She realized she could never fulfill her promise of never leaving them. She realized she had had to go. She didn’t want to, but she had to. Everything hurts, but she didn’t want to make her papa and father sad.
Her father massaged her ears one last time. It was by far the best ever. She felt his lips leave kisses on her forehead and on her long snout. He pressed his and her foreheads together and heard him whisper,
“Thank you for appearing that day at the shelter. You saved your dad, you know? You did. Multiple times even. You even saved me as well. And our families. Thank you. You really, truly are an angel. Don’t worry about us okay? You rest now. We’ll be okay. Thank you and I love you, my little Lotus.”
With one last kiss, her papa came into view. She felt the heat from his head lying beside hers, and moved closer to it. It was feeling cold, and she wanted to savor the warmth more. She felt the familiar weight of her papa’s hand on her head and looked at his eyes. She saw cold, but she also saw warm. She felt cold, but she also felt warmth. She was feeling sleepy, but she could clearly hear papa speak,
“I was supposed to test your father that day, you know? But you changed my plan. It was unexpected, but you weren't unwelcome. You will never be. You came to us near death’s door, and here I am sending you to it. I’m sorry, my angel. I really tried everything I could. I know you’ve heard me being called your savior, but really, it’s the opposite. You saved me. You would pull me out of the depths of my weariness and pain to the best of your abilities. You would knock down a book to get my attention during a breakdown. You would remind me to eat by dropping your very heavy food bowl on my leg even after I just fed you. Thank you for that, you know? Thank you for reminding me to take care of myself. Thank you for reminding me that I matter, that I am loved. Thank you for entering our lives and being the angel that you are. I’ll miss you. So much. It’s gonna hurt, heck, it’s hurting right now seeing you fade away under my own hand. I know you want to nudge me, but don’t worry. We’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. KNowing there’s an angel that will look down on us. Rest now, my darling Lotus angel. I love you. Goodnight & Goodbye.”
When all of the tears from her eyes have collected
Form in the skies and leave us unprotected
I can't fathom why we say goodnight
When we mean to say goodbye