Work Text:
Nothing was wrong, per-say, you were just tired. It had been long. Long days, long weeks, long months. It had simply been long.
The fight against Loki had caused so many damages. The structural damage was glaringly obvious, although the repairs were happening quickly. I had watched as Stark Tower quickly became Avengers Tower. There have been a lot of changes to your home. You didn’t necessarily mind, it wasn’t too bad having more people to hang out with if you so chose to. Besides, you and Tony had a large handful of floors all to yourself. A few of those were only for you. And any floor you wanted to be out of reach for the avengers were entirely out of reach. Locked and kept strictly to you (and Tony).
Loki was under strict monitoring and was secluded to his own floor within the tower. With some help from the asgardians and shield, they were able to fashion some fancy, yet comfy, bracelets to keep him from using magic.
That was absolutely fantastic! Thor was very enthusiastic that his brother wouldn’t have to be locked in an asgardian prison (although it was rumored to be quite a nice place).
And while it was quite a well planned out solution, there was one thing that wasn’t taken into account.
Tony
The man who consistently pushes away his own thoughts and feelings for others. It's true that to the public eye he appears to be some spoiled rich man without a care in the world, no one has quite realized the impact becoming Iron-Man had made on him.
You had spent countless nights holding him while he suffered from Afghanistan, and how much trauma he had. Finally things had started to look up for him. He started doing some things for himself, smiling. How his smile lit up the room. Maybe it didn’t for others, but damn did it make you happy.
What no one had expected was for Tony to die. Granted he wasn’t dead now, but JARVIS had reported that once he fell from the wormhole and he was back online that Tony’s heart had stopped. It was a miracle he was alive, and while it was an amazing thing it left him with even more trauma.
More sleepless nights, he stopped smiling for himself again, and you did everything you could to be there for him. And after many more months of taking care of him you finally saw some progress. Smiles started returning, he was eating without having to be reminded. There were always bad days but it was so much better than before.
Of course nothing was exactly easy anymore. While you had been taking care of him, your own mental health had suffered. You wouldn’t call yourself suicidal, or even wanting to hurt yourself, but the knife was tempting.
Okay, maybe something was wrong, but you certainly weren’t going to admit that. Besides, Tony already had enough going on. With Loki living in the same building, it was hard to avoid the anxiety attacks.
Tony and the rest of the team were on a mission, you had a few hours left before they would return. Besides, once they did everyone would be exhausted, Tony would either lock himself into his workshop or he would go straight to bed. You had plenty of time all to yourself.
You went to your floor, and coded to lock Tony out. Although it really wouldn’t matter. No one would walk in on you.
“JARVIS, Turn off the cameras and audio surveillance in this room.”
“Miss, are you sure about that?” The AI pipped in relatively quickly
You sighed “Turn them off JARVIS.”
“Yes Miss.” Was the simple reply.
You sat down on the bed and pulled out your knife. You had made sure razors blades had been removed after Loki’s invasion, if for no other reason than because trauma can fuck with someones brain.
You took a deep breath and put the knife to your thigh.
Just one cut.
That turned into two
Into three.
Four…
Five…
Six…
You had forgotten how hard it could be once you started. The blood was addicting. Just a couple of droplets at first, then more. You had kept up with wiping it up, if for no other reason to avoid the question of blood on the sheets.
You sat for a few minutes, just wiping the blood as it fell. Not quite giving it the chance to stop. The pain stung, and it was somehow calming.
It was nice… until there was a loud knock at the door.
“JARVIS! I thought I locked down this floor!”
“You did Miss, but it has been overridden.” JARVIS calmly replied.
You quickly stuffed the knife and dirty towel under the sheets, ruffled your hair, and quickly hid underneath the covers. “Who is it?”
“It's me darling, open up please.”
It was Tony… and he wasn’t supposed to see this. You didn’t reply right away, and you heard his call to JARVIS.
“JARVIS, override the door lock and let me the hell in.”
Yeah that was expected. You heard a click and the door whirred open and closed as he walked in. You closed your eyes quickly, and slowly opened them when you felt his weight dip onto the bed.
“Good morning, sleepy head” he said as he placed his hand on your hair, gently brushing it aside. You faked a yawn and leaned into his hand.
“Morning. What time is it? You aren’t supposed to be back yet.” You said, trying to make it sound as sleepy and realistic as possible.
“It's late enough,” Tony said, “that you shouldn’t be in bed anymore.” He moved his hand so his thumb was right under your eye and gently rubbed in up and down. “And I’m home, because the mission didn’t need me anymore. Besides, I wanted to spend some time with you.”
“Tones that’s so sweet.” You feigned a stretch and another yawn. “I’ll get dressed and I’ll meet you in the living room in a few minutes and we can watch something or order some food.”
He nodded. Good, it would give you time to wrap this up and get dressed before he could figure it out. “Actually, I think I’d like to just stay here. Perhaps just some snuggles. I am a bit tired.”
“How about we get dinner! I’m sure you're absolutely starving! We could get some of the Shawarma you've been begging me to try?” You struggled trying to find anything to deter him from the bed.
He started to pick up the covers, and you quickly shuffled to try to pull them down.
“Darling” he started, before he even revealed your thighs “I know something is very wrong, and I need you to tell me. Otherwise I’ll find out myself. Alright?” You froze. There was no way you were getting out of this.
You weren’t speaking. Just staring at him in fear. What if he got angry? What if he threw you out?
He sighed as he continued lifting up the covers, revealing your thighs next to a bloody knife and towel. Tony looked from your thighs back into your eyes. You were shaking, and tears began to form in your eyes.
You closed your eyes and turned away, expecting some sort of outlash. Instead you were met with the towel gently pressing onto your thigh. You opened your eyes to watch him sit down next to you and gently dab at the wounds.
When he saw you staring he took one hand away to place on your face and gave a gentle kiss to your forehead. “It's alright sweetheart, I’ll be right back. I just need to grab something, alright?” You looked at him and nodded.
He got up from the bed and walked out the door, before it closed behind him you heard him call out to JARVIS. From there you couldn’t understand the conversation. So you simply sat there and waited for his return.
When you looked down at what you had done, you immediately felt terrible. Angry red lines glared back at you and you couldn’t stop the tears. With all you did to help Tony and not be a burden, here you are… being a burden to him.
He came back into the room a few minutes later, and sat down on the bed. He had a box in his hand that he set down so he could hold your face. “It's alright princess, cry all you need to. I’m right here for you.” With that he pulled you into his chest and held you as you cried, gently letting his fingers comb through your hair.
Once the sobs subsided, and you were left with some hiccups, Tony gently pulled you away from his chest. “I’m going to need to clean these now, is that alright darling?” You nodded as he opened the box he had set down. You didn’t watch as he cleaned it, but you felt as he gently wrapped it with a bangaging wrap.
When he was done, he slowly leaned over and gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead. He pulled away with a gentle smile.
“C’mon now sweetheart. Dinner should be here any time now. I had JARVIS order that sugar chicken stuff you like from, ugh what was it?”
“Panda Express, sir” Jarvis piped in
“Yeah! That! I had him get whatever you tend to get, I can never remember between Panda and the family run place a few blocks away.” He smiled as he got up from the bed and grabbed one of his seriously oversized shirts and handed it to you.
“This should be nice and comfortable. Be gentle on that leg. Try not to sleep on it or do anything strenuous. It shouldn’t be needing stitches, but if they get torn open I’ll have to send you to get some. For now they’re good though.”
Once you finished fumbling with the shirt he handed you, you looked back up at him. “Tony?” Your voice was barely more than a whisper. He hummed in response. “How did you know what to do? And why weren’t you angry? And-”
Tony gently puts a finger to your mouth to cut you off. “I’m not angry because no one should get angry over this. Clearly you're hurting, and it wouldn’t help to get angry.” He sat back down next to you before continuing. “I’ve had my struggles too sweetheart, I didn’t want to risk you getting an infection. I got one once and ooh it was a struggle to deal with on my own. I didn’t need the press to get involved.”
He pulled you into a hug when JARVIS spoke through the speakers. “While I am very sorry to interrupt you both, your dinner has arrived and Mr. Hogan is getting very impatient since he cannot leave the elevator.”
Tony chuckled as he stood up. You went to follow but he reached an arm under your shoulder blades and the other under your knees and picked you up. You started to protest but Tony simply ignored you as he sat you down on the couch.
As Tony strutted to the elevator you realized you never actually found out why he was back so early. “Tony! Why are you actually back so early?”
He turned back to look at you “Oh! Yeah! JARVIS told me that you had locked the floor, turned off the video and audio. I sorta figured something wasn’t right so I dipped out on the mission. They were fine without me.” He quickly turned on his heels and went to the elevator.
You looked up at the ceiling before shouting,
“JARVIS YOU TRAITOR!”