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The first time Byleth decides to go back, she’s standing amongst the bodies in the Imperial Palace. The throne room has been torn to shreds during the battle, destroyed by the thing Edelgard had decided to become in her last desperate attempt. Desperately trying to save the world…from them.
Byleth helplessly watches the life fade from Edelgard’s eyes, their purple colour still vibrant against her pale face, while Dimitri removes the dagger from his own shoulder and tosses it on the ground. As he leaves, the sound of his footsteps descending the dais echoing around the uncomfortably silent throne room, Byleth can’t bring herself to turn away. She may not have been her teacher, but Edelgard was her student all the same. Something led her down this path, something made her believe that this was what was right for Fódlan. But as Byleth ponders all the death and destruction of the past few months, of the past few years while she was sleeping, all boiling down to this…surely, there was another way?
No more, Byleth thinks.
So she goes back.
Sothis’ powers are not meant to be abused in this manner––Byleth knows this the moment she finds herself awakening in Remire that fateful morning, roused by her father. She doesn’t keep all her memories, only a vague feeling of ‘protect Edelgard’ thrums through her veins as she fights the bandits alongside her students, eventually taking her place as professor of the Black Eagles.
Only when she finds herself facing down Dimitri outside Fhirdiad, hatred and pain and fear blazing in his eyes as Rhea has led him astray once more, does Byleth remember her past life. Her reason for following this path in the first place.
There has to be another way, she thinks.
And so she goes back once more.
This time, she retains no memories but feels the call to the Golden Deer. Claude is a schemer, the Master Tactician––if anyone could come up with a plan to unite Fódlan while minimising casualties, surely Claude can?
As she and Claude lead the Leicester Alliance to victory, Byleth almost begins to believe that it is fate for the Kingdom and the Empire to destroy each other in every timeline. But when she faces Nemesis and his Ten Elites in battle, when she learns the truth of the Nabateans and the Agarthans and the Crests…there surely must be a way to unite all three nations with this earth-shattering truth, is there not? That each faction was somewhat right, in their own ways? And that armed with the truth, they could defeat Those Who Slither in the Dark together before war broke out?
I am the goddess, Byleth thinks. If anyone can stop the bloodshed, it is me.
So she goes back.
Over time, Byleth loses count of how many times she’s gone back. How many choices she’s made, how many times she’s inadvertently walked the same path. She remembers her other lives only at the end of her road, and each time impresses upon her some other option, some other path she could follow. If only she could remember everything, all of her past lives, when she goes back.
She doesn’t know how many lives she’s led, but when she finds herself once again holding Lysithea on a battlefield, sweet, headstrong Lysithea, and watching the light leave her student’s eyes, Byleth decides with finality. She cannot do this again.
No more, she thinks.
This time, she goes back to the very beginning.
A babe without a heartbeat––a child that never cried. It all makes sense now.
She retains more of her memories this time. She commits herself wholly to becoming the Ashen Demon, training daily until her knuckles bleed, impassively striking down all her enemies, even practising her magic––something she’d never done before Garreg Mach. And though she loves her father, she knows even Jeralt fears her in this life, fearing especially what Rhea did to his beloved Sitri to make their child such a frightening spirit.
If only you knew, Byleth thinks. We must save Fódlan. This is the only way.
This time, she doesn’t wait for that fateful morning at Remire. Once she feels strong enough, once she feels ready to take on the burden, she goes to Rhea herself.
“I know what I am,” she announces as she breaks into the archbishop’s bedchambers one night. “And I know what you are. No more hiding, Seiros. Ready Fódlan to fight––when the time is right, I will bring the Agarthans to you.”
Rhea does not get the chance to respond before Byleth leaves, enacting the second part of her plan.
Her father will never forgive her for what she is about to do. She parts ways with Jeralt and his mercenaries before seeking out Shambhala. Thales is either none the wiser to her true identity, or he sees Byleth as the perfect opportunity for revenge against Seiros. Either way, he accepts––and so begins their campaign of terror against all of Fódlan, spearheaded by the Ashen Demon herself.
And it works––all three nations band together to fight them.
Once the truth about the Agarthans and the Church of Seiros comes to light, Byleth abandons the Ashen Demon and hears Sothis’ voice for the first time in this life.
“This may work, child,” she says. “I had my doubts but––this may work.”
This time, when they finally merge, Byleth feels like she’s welcoming an old friend home.
She stays away from the struggle against the Agarthans. She knows her presence will be unwelcome with the identity she has carved for herself in this life. But she can live with it. She follows in secret, keeps a close eye on her loved ones, inaccessible to her by her own actions. It’s worth it, she thinks. Byleth cries for the first time in her life––in this life––when she sees all of her students banded together on the battlefield, fighting together for once. And she smiles for the first time when Dimitri, Edelgard, and Claude defeat Thales together.
She interferes when the battle against the resurrected Nemesis may turn the tide against the united Fódlan, stepping in one final time to protect her students.
“Sothis,” she whispers, feeling her last breath drawing near. “Sothis––we did it. We saved them all.”
“Yes,” Sothis agrees. “You can rest easy now, child.”
For the first, and last, time in her life, she feels her heart beating.