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Pansy’s heart hammered furiously in her chest. She knew her eyes were dark and hard, her hair messy and her lips quivering. Desperately she struggled to hold on to the part of her that was in control, the part that could focus on calming down.
She took a slow shaky breath and felt herself gain back some of the control. She knew she was being irrational, but that’s how she reacted when she felt cornered and wronged.
“I just don’t think that it is my kind of thing.” Ron said quietly. The furrowed brow and red face told her that he was quite worked up too, even if he managed to sound all calm and collected.
The comment stung, though. She felt it like a knife twisting around in all of her insecurities about him. About them. And it was worse than she ever imagined.
So her heart started hammering away again, her mind showing different scenarios, all of which ended with her alone. That’s where this was headed, wasn’t it?
“What do you mean, not your kind of thing?” She asked louder than intended.
Ron sighed like he was tired of this. Of her.
“It’s just… I wouldn’t- It’s a lot, okay?”
Pansy narrowed her eyes, feeling how she was quickly losing the last grip on her anger and insecurities.
“This is about you thinking you are better than us!” Pansy hissed.
Ron took a step back, like he’d been slapped.
“I’m just – I think I should get out of here.” He pushed a hand through his hair and turned around to leave.
“No, Ron. Please don’t go. I didn’t mean that, not really.” Pansy said, now feeling her heart about to break and jumping away for an entirely different reason than her being angry.
Ron watched her for a long moment.
“Well, I – I… I still need a moment.” He told her. “I have to go.”
As the door closed behind him, Pansy sobbed and sank down in a chair.
That was it? She went and got angry, she hurt him and it was ruined between them?
Pansy swallowed hard over and over but it was no use. She needed to let it out somehow. Ron had walked out of there. Because she’d said something mean to him. Something she’d have meant years ago.
Pansy had learned over the years that she did not actually enjoy being the conceited girl she’d been as a child. Mostly because she learned the hard way that being privileged wasn’t a free pass. It wasn’t making her any better. In fact, she’d realized that one of the least privileged people in their year saved them all.
And for that she felt uncertain and scared, because now she was nothing. She had nothing to show for and everywhere she went people turned their backs.
Being with Ron had showed her that even if she had come a long way since school, she still had miles to go. Ron was kind and brilliant. He’d grown up amongst so many siblings and it had taught him a lot about sharing and being part of something bigger. He was proud of who he was, and secure in the man he had become.
Pansy had grown up an only child, and most of those she’d been socialized with had been too. She still felt like she was flailing about most of the time.
They had talked about it after their mothers had decided to meet, that this was a thing. They were together, both wanting to be exclusive. And Pansy had been so happy. The following weeks had been glorious, some of the best of her entire life. They even managing to keep it out of the press.
So it kept nagging at her a little, the fact that Ron every Sunday went to brunch with his family and their additions, but he never asked her to come. She was scared to ask, mostly since she was scared of the answer.
Being who they were, with the past they sort of shared, it was always something unspoken between them. And Pansy knew that one day it would come between them.
So when her own father’s birthday came around, her mother had asked if she didn’t want Ronald to be there. Eleonore always sounded so formal when she said his name like that. And Pansy’s first reaction had been to decline immediately. They hadn’t talked about anything like that, and she’d never been invited to his family.
But the thought had been planted and now she couldn’t seem to shake it. Pansy realized she actually wanted him to be there. She wanted to bring her boyfriend to his father’s birthday party because she wanted to share more of their lives with each other. She was eventually ready to take their relationship one step further. Instead of living in this little bubble where only a few knew it was a thing, she felt ready to share it with the whole family and other friends.
Only, when she asked, Ron had stuttered and for the first time seemed unsettled and uncomfortable. And he’d told her he wasn’t sure it was his kind of thing. It made her furious. What did he mean by that? His kind of thing? Family wasn’t something he did or what?
The Ron she’d gotten to know valued families highly, so she had immediately leaped to the other issue there between them. The fact that some of her family members had been sympathetic of the dark side during the war.
Her parents or closest family members had never taken the dark mark, but they had done things, herself included, things that were in favor of Voldemort. But she’d thought from what Ron had said that things were different now, that there was a chance they could grow past it.
Three days passed without hearing anything from Ron at all. Pansy wished she could talk to Draco, but now that he and Potter practically lived together it was no hope of keeping it quiet. She might have come to like Potter a bit better, but she didn’t want him meddling in her personal affairs. And especially not those who involved his own best friend.
Talking to her mother was an option, but Pansy wasn’t sure where she stood about the whole thing. Was she really in favor of their relationship or was she secretly hoping they’d run into a mess like this one?
When Pansy wasn’t working she kept to her place thinking she would have to come up with a plan. The thought of having to go to his place, knock on his door only to be asked to leave was almost too much to bear. But to walk around like this, not knowing one way or the other was even worse.
Turned out she didn’t have to.
Just when she had decided that she would go to him if he hadn’t come by the next day, he was there, knocking on her door.
He looked a little worse for wear, just like she felt too. His hands were dug deep into his jean pocket and he stood with his head bowed low.
“May I come in?” He asked.
Pansy stepped to the side, and hurried after him into the living room. Ron didn’t sit down. Instead he stopped in front of the fireplace and fiddled with some of her stuff there on the mantle.
Ron cleared his voice.
“I’m sorry I ran out on you the other day.”
Pansy blinked. She hadn’t expected that.
“I don’t know where to start.” Ron continued and started walking back and forth.
“What do you mean? I snapped at you!” She said.
Ron turned around and looked at her. A little smile showed on his lips.
“Yes, you did.” His smile growing bigger.
“Why are you smiling?” Pansy stared horrified.
Ron shook his head and dialed down the grin, but his eyes still twinkled.
“I don’t mind a bit of arguing, and I definitely is to blame for this one. Just… will you let me explain?”
Pansy nodded, thinking he better, because she did not understand a thing right now.
“I think I sort of freaked out a little. You know how my family is. Proper etiquette has never been part of our upbringing. And I mean, I’m happy with my family, but I’m aware that we are a long way away from what people usually expect from pureblood families.”
Ron took a deep breath. Pansy stared at him. It was so far from what she had pained herself with since their fight.
“So you…” She wasn’t sure how to continue. Ron sighed.
“It’s idiotic, but I’ve never gotten the hang of these formal settings. I can’t seem to blend in and always feel so awkward. I just… didn’t want that to be the first impression your family gets of me.” Ron smiled a little shyly and Pansy about melted on the spot.
Her heart settling into a different kind of heavy thud.
Ron wanted to make a good impression on her family. That meant he wanted this. He wanted them to like him. Pansy grinned and snaked her arms around his middle.
She placed a kiss to his chin.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you.” She whispered.
“And also, I like you, so they have to as well.” Pansy tipped her head back and felt her belly swoop as Ron looked down at her with that warm glow in his eyes.
They were good. There might still be a lot of things to work through, but they were in this. Ron too had his insecurities and stuff to work through, and she felt so honored that he chose to show her some of it.
Ron kissed the tip of her nose with a smile.
“I like that. And I like you too.” He answered as his hands came up to make a mess of her hair. He kissed a trail across her face before finally reaching her lips.