Chapter Text
But still you are nowhere, still you are nowhere, nowhere in sight
Come out to meet me, run out to meet me
Come into the light
- Neko Case, This Tornado Loves You
“Thanks for the lesson, Lady Kaede! I’ll see you tonight!”
A voice calls after Rin as she gathers her things. “Do not forget to bring in more firewood before ye retire for the night!”
Rin cringes. It’s her least favorite task; she always manages to get at least one splinter. “Yes, Lady Kaede. I know I’m behind on my chores, I promise I’ll catch up.”
Kaede appears from a side room as Rin heads for the door. She’s as steadfast and stoic as always, but the years have worn away at her and she has come to depend on Rin more than ever. When she thinks no one’s looking she rubs stiff joints or sways a little on her feet. Rin does her best to care for her, but sometimes she falls behind. Especially during the week of the new moon.
“And please start the laundry first thing tomorrow. Not all of us have an extensive wardrobe,” she grumbles.
Rin ignores the uncharacteristic jab and nods. “I will, first thing. Take care until I get back!”
The mat covering the door flaps shut behind her, but not before she sees the old woman sigh and shake her head. Rin frowns. Her natural impulse is to ask what’s wrong, but she squelches it. She doesn’t need to ask, she knows what Kaede is thinking. To bring it up would just invite the same tired looks and worried words. There’s no point in upsetting Kaede or herself.
Besides, Rin has somewhere to be. The thought of it alone brings a smile to her face.
Her feet want to skip away from the hut, but the hot water in the teapot she carries in one hand reminds her to keep her steps even. She hitches a large basket higher on one hip as she makes her way down the stairs under the torii gate and through the village. Spring has finally arrived, albeit unevenly, and the planting season is well underway. As she winds down the dirt road, villagers working in the fields wave and call to her in greeting. On other days they might try to stop her for a chat, but not today. It’s no secret where she’s headed and they know better than to try to distract her.
Today’s the day. It has to be.
The sounds of the village fade away as she enters the forest. Sunlight and birdsong filter through the thick foliage, and she is grateful for the shield that the trees provide from the crisp breezes. Though by now she has spent more years sleeping under a roof than the open sky, the forest is where she truly feels at home. On other days she might dally and stop to inspect the new sprouts and flowers appearing for the season, but today her pace is brisk. It isn’t long before Rin finds her favorite tree and sets to work.
The blanket from the basket snaps in her hands and she spreads it carefully over the knobby roots that protrude from the ground. One by one, she unwraps the pieces of a delicate tea set stored in scraps of soft silk. Excitement burns through her veins, making her hands tremble as she places the cups on saucers. On an extra plate she carefully arranges rice cakes and a small selection of fruit. At the bottom of the basket she finds a packet of tea leaves. This she sets next to the tea pot; it isn’t time to steep them yet. Finally, she runs a quick hand through her hair and adjusts her kimono so that the folds lay flat.
She is ready.
And now, she waits.
Fifteen minutes pass. She sings to herself to pass the time, but after a while the notes begin to sound hollow in the empty forest. She counts the different types of wildflowers she can see growing in the area, and then quizzes herself with their names and medicinal qualities. Another thirty minutes pass and she turns her attention to the hem of her kimono, checking for loose threads and smoothing out any wrinkles. When her stomach growls she treats herself to one of the rice cakes.
An hour passes. Two. She is still alone.
A shadow of doubt edges across her heart. She had been sure today was the day. She had been sure of it.
She surveys her efforts and her heart snags. For the past six days it’s been exactly the same. The same dry tea leaves, the same quiet forest. The same empty spot next to her on the blanket. The only thing that’s changed is the length of her chore list and Kaede’s patience – in inverse proportions – as she spends her afternoons in the forest. Alone.
It isn’t like her to despair, but a quiet voice in the back of her head whispers that the scene is pitiful. Childish, even. What was she doing out here, anyway? She imagines the look Kaede will give her when she returns in defeat yet again and sighs.
Well, it didn’t have to be a total loss. She could at least have a cup of tea before packing up her basket for the day and making the long walk back to her home.
She reaches for the teapot, but the sides have gone cool. She hadn’t noticed that the clouds of steam had long since stopped billowing from the spout. With how long she had been waiting she should have been expecting it, but it hurts all the same. For some reason, this more than anything solidifies the disappointment in her heart.
A tea party for two, attended by one, featuring cold tea. Just perfect.
She shakes her head. She’s better than this. Her life has been full of hardships and surprises and challenges. But throughout it all, she had never lost her loyalty or her hope. Most of all, she is patient. She knows what it means to wait. She just needed to renew her faith and wait a little longer.
And if today was the day, she would be damned if she would serve cold tea.
The tea pot jangles on its handle as she sprints back to the village. A little water sloshes over the edges but the cold water can’t hurt her. By the time she reaches the hut she is breathless.
Kaede looks up from her mending. “Back so soon, Rin?”
“Only for a minute!” She hangs the kettle over the fire, willing it to boil. She has to hurry and return to the forest. “I just needed to reheat the water for the tea.”
The old woman gives her a kind, but knowing look. “It’s been four days since the new moon. Perhaps ye will have to wait until next month.”
She hates that Kaede’s words echo her own thoughts. Rin knows that Kaede loves her and wants what’s best for her, but right now she can’t bear to have her flimsy confidence shaken. She squares her shoulders. “Maybe. But it can’t hurt to have just one more afternoon, right? It’s still early. And I promise to work extra hard tomorrow to help you.”
“Inuyasha and Kagome will return from their trip soon; if that happens ye know –“
“I know,” she cuts her off with a smile. “But they aren’t back yet.” Her face falls. “And it’s already been three months since the last time.”
Kaede gives her a sad smile, and her voice is edged with a sharp sort of kindness, the kind that sounds sweet but cuts just the same. “Dependency can be dangerous, child. I do not want ye to be disappointed. Ye may just have to accept that he is not coming – “
“He is!” She isn’t sure when she got to her feet, but to her horror she finds herself towering over the old woman, fists shaking at her sides. The silence stretches out and it is only the whistle of the teapot that brings the room back into focus. She takes it off of the fire and sets it on the ground. Bowing low at the waist, she musters up her most reverent voice. “Forgive me, Lady Kaede. I did not mean to yell. But you have to understand: he might not be predictable, but he is dependable. Please have patience with me.”
With that she sweeps down to retrieve the teapot and is out the door before Kaede can protest.
She hurries back down the path toward the forest, the teapot in her hand radiating heat. The villagers wave to her again, and she can’t help but think that they, too, must think that she is a silly woman. She imagines the pitying looks they must give her when they think she isn’t looking. Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes when she waves back.
But she can’t worry about that now. At the edge of the forest she picks up her pace, hoping that she hasn’t made a mistake in leaving, even for a short time. The thought that he might have come and gone in her absence makes her feel frantic, and her eyes scan the trees ahead for any signs of life. The distraction costs her when her foot catches on a stray tree root. She stumbles, arms automatically pinwheeling for balance. Though she manages to remain upright, the tea pot in her hands sways, sloshing the hot water and sending it splashing over the rim and onto her hand. A hiss escapes from between her teeth and she inspects her fingers, two of which are now an angry red. It isn’t so serious that they will blister, but the skin stings and swells.
The universe seems intent on testing her patience today, and it is dangerously close to winning. If she were still a child, she might have stomped her foot in frustration. Even now she is tempted. Instead she shakes her head and sticks her fingers in her mouth, vowing to watch her step from now on. She trudges forward, determined to have a cup of tea and enjoy the peace and quiet of the forest if it kills her.
She is still sucking on her burned fingers when she reaches the clearing, and her belongings are waiting for her right where she left them.
Plus something extra.
Her feet jerk to a halt and her fingers make a soft popping sound as they leave her mouth. A heartbeat of stunned silence passes before a grin invades her face, all the pains of the day entirely forgotten.
There he is, straight-backed and cross-legged, sitting on the blanket and dressed in the same red and white attire she is accustomed to. Despite obvious access to many rich and colorful fabrics, his clothing is always the same, and he is always armed and armored as though he is going to battle. His palms rest lightly on his knees and he is casually regarding the forest as though he’s been there for hours. Her heart sings as the familiar sight.
She knew today was the day. She knew it.
She quickens her pace from the edge of the clearing and waves an arm above her head. “Lord Sesshomaru!”
He rises from the blanket and stands to greet her, silver hair streaming behind him. Her feet almost stutter again when his gaze finds hers. Each time they meet, it is simultaneously like coming home to comfort and cheer and embarking on something new and exciting. Her heart doesn’t know whether to sigh in relief or skip in anticipation.
Though these days, her heart isn’t the only thing that responds to him.
He had always been impressive to behold; she was certain that anyone who laid eyes upon him would see him as a striking figure, looming larger than life. That’s certainly how she had seen him as a child. But she’s old enough now that when her breath catches in her throat upon seeing him that it’s not just due to admiration.
She can’t pinpoint exactly when the shift occurred. The transition was so quiet and gradual that she hadn’t even noticed until one evening Kaede surprised her out of an unexpected blush-inducing daydream featuring a certain demon lord to tell her that she had been washing the same dish for five minutes with an odd look on her face. Five summers had passed since then; twelve since she had come to live in the village with Kaede as a child. In those years she found that her thoughts strayed to him more and more in his absence, and her memories are vivid and precise: she could picture with perfect clarity the colors of his obi or the thickness of the tassels that decorate his armor. But when he is here, in front of her, her memories do him no justice at all.
She comes to a halt an arm’s breadth away, grinning broadly. His face is impassive as he regards her, but there is a smile in his voice. “Rin.”
Just the sound of her name on his lips releases tension she didn’t even know she was carrying. “I’m so happy to see you, Lord Sesshomaru! I just knew you were coming today.”
His head tilts a fraction. “How?”
She shrugs. “I just felt it.” He nods sagely as if this is something he can understand; with his heightened senses she supposes maybe he can, in his own way. She gestures at the blanket. “Please, have a seat.”
He settles back down in a graceful sweep of hair and fabric. She settles in across from him and arranges the teapot. From beside him he produces a rectangular package wrapped in crisp rice paper and tied with a familiar ribbon. “This is for you.”
Her heart squeezes as she accepts it. “Thank, you, my lord.” She doesn’t have to open it to know that he had brought her yet another exquisite piece of clothing. She gives him a shy smile. “You know, you don’t have to bring me something every time you visit. Spending time with you is enough.”
He frowns. “You are displeased with my gifts?”
“No! Not at all. I’m very grateful. You’re too generous, really. Kaede says I have enough kimonos to clothe the whole village!”
He shrugs. “You are a young woman,” he says – and her heart soars, thinking that perhaps he has finally noticed - “and a ward of the West, despite your residence. You will have the things befitting of your station.”
A childish urge to huff and blow her bangs out of her face rises to the surface, but she squashes it. She turns to the teapot.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived, I had returned to the village to get more hot water. Would you like some tea?”
He nods before leaning casually against the tree at his back and studies the canopy above them. She tears open the packet of tea leaves and allows them to steep. “It’s a special blend from Jinenji. He says that it’s very light and subtle, I hope you like it.”
Sesshomaru nods noncommittally. She pours the tea and offers him a cup. He leans forward to accept it, but when he is halfway there his head jerks to a stop. He frowns and sits back, turning his head to investigate.
A thick lock of his hair is knotted and tangled in a jutting edge of tree bark. He reaches behind him and plucks the strand away from the tree, eyeing the knot indifferently. For a brief moment he picks at it delicately with the ends of his claws but gains no purchase. She looks on with horror as he extends one slender, claw-tipped finger and makes to saw off the offending lock.
The words tumble out before she can stop them. "No! You mustn’t!”
His hand stills and he gives her an appraising look. She fumbles and puts up her hands in supplication. "I mean, do as you please! It's just..."
He raises an eyebrow and waits.
"It’s just that your hair is so..." The exact word that comes to mind is pretty, but she can't possibly say that. Instead she changes tactics. "It would be a shame to cut it. I bet we can detangle it if we work hard enough."
The other eyebrow joins the first near his hairline. "We?"
She can feel heat in her cheeks. "If you'll allow me, I think I can help."
He regards her carefully, and each second of scrutiny feels like an eternity. "You wish to groom me?"
Her face flames. "I didn't mean it like that!" She claps a hand over her mouth and averts her eyes. She really hadn’t meant it like that. She had just wanted to intervene to save that magnificent hair from unnecessary destruction. It hadn’t occurred to her just what she was suggesting, or what it might entail. But now that she thinks about it…
Her eyes threaten to glaze over and she blinks hard. Focus! The seconds are ticking by and she still has no idea how to respond. She’s stuck – it’s too late to play it off like a joke, and if she rescinds the offer he might get the wrong idea. Or, rather, the right idea. She suppresses a groan. She does her best to school her features and tries to remember that she has offered to do hundreds of things for him over the years, and this was just one more. Just because she would be touching him didn’t make any difference, right? She swallows hard and looks back at him.
Too late she sees the glint of mirth in his eye. He was…teasing? Her heart drops, but whether it’s in relief or disappointment, she isn’t sure. She smiles nervously and resolves to keep her hands steady as she reaches for her tea, waiting for the moment to pass. For once, she cannot think of a single thing to say.
She can feel his eyes on her as he considers her for a long moment and she tries not to squirm. Then he nonchalantly flicks the lock of hair behind his shoulder. His gaze settles into the distance.
"You may assist me, if it pleases you.”
Her heart jolts and she almost chokes on her tea. He wants her help? Well, she doesn’t have to be told twice. But then she glances at her hands, her nails blunt and ragged from digging up roots and herbs. If his claws couldn’t do the trick, she had no hope of doing any better. She makes up her mind and scrambles to her feet, shouting over her shoulder as she sprints in the direction of the village. “Please wait there, Lord Sesshomaru! I’ll be right back!”
The fields are a blur as her sandals slap against the hard-packed dirt path. She is sure that she earns more than a few odd looks from the villagers as she passes yet again, but she couldn't care less. She makes it to the hut in record time and doesn't even stop to remove her shoes as she rockets toward her room. Her luck seems to be turning; Kaede must be out running an errand. She zeroes in on the item she needs: a simple comb, waiting just where she left it that morning. She snatches it up, hugging it to her chest like a trophy, and then she is back out the door in a flash.
When she reaches the clearing he is right where she left him, calmly sipping his tea. The dappled afternoon light dances across his features. She slows her steps and tries to regain her composure.
"Found what I needed!" She waves the comb in the air. Her breath comes in light pants. "Do you like the tea?"
He nods and takes another sip. She settles back down next to him and regards his position. The enormity of what she is about to do threatens to overtake her; she takes a deep breath and tries to focus on the practicalities. "Um, would you please turn to the left? It will help me get a better angle."
He repositions himself wordlessly and she is confronted with a cascade of silver. It flows in long lengths down his back and pools all around him on the blanket. There’s just so much of it, she doesn’t know how he can even move his head under its weight. He clears his throat lightly and she realizes that she is just staring while he is waiting expectantly. She snaps to attention and immediately scans the mass for the tangle. It isn’t hard to find; the jagged edges interrupt the smooth ropes that are coiled on the ground.
With unsteady hands she picks up the knot gingerly between two fingers and starts to pick lightly at it with the comb. It takes some effort – she can see now why he wanted to cut it – but she persists. Piece by piece she unravels the snagged strands and smooths them down along with the rest. His hair is like liquid silk in her hands and the act of running it through her fingers is soothing. Her nervousness recedes and she falls into a comfortable rhythm. She hums as she works, and this time the notes don’t feel empty as they fill the space.
The surreal quality of the moment is not lost on her, and she tries to memorize each facet of the experience: the way the crisp breeze ruffles her sleeves, the earthy scent of the forest, the sound of birdsong, and the feel of his hair as it glides against her skin. Especially that. She reflects that she rarely has the opportunity to touch him, even in this roundabout way. Their relationship may have started with her dumping water over his head, but that type of familiarity ended as soon as he was healed. It only took one frothing lecture from Jaken about impertinence and respect after he had caught her snuggling up to the edge of Lord Sesshomaru’s pelt for warmth one night for her to understand her place. After that, she knew not to get too close. If she was scared she hid behind him, or when she was excited she would approach him, but the distance between them was not to be breached.
Well, that was almost true. That distance had been breached on multiple occasions, but it was always brief, always out of necessity, and always initiated by him. As a child he had carried her when she needed rescuing or attended to her when she was injured. Well, maybe it wasn’t always out of necessity, either. After Naraku was defeated and he left her in the village, he would occasionally lay a hand on her shoulder or tuck a strand of hair behind her ear in farewell. As she grew, however, his touch became less and less frequent and the physical distance between them had grown. It was ironic and frustrating: the closer she wanted to be, the father away he was. But this kind of contact is completely unprecedented. She almost giggles at the thought of what she might have done with this opportunity had it presented itself when she were a child. She had always dreamed of threading flowers in his hair but she never would have dared. She still wouldn’t, but the idea makes her smile nonetheless.
Before she knows it the final pieces of the knot fall away, and disappointment floods her chest. She feels as though this may never happen again, and she can’t help but prolong it just a little. She combs just the bits that are lying on the ground, fanning the edges, careful not to touch his body. After all, she rationalizes, combing it now could save him from having more problems later. She was doing him a favor, really. The strands shimmer under her ministrations. But even this task ends too quickly. She sighs inwardly and runs a palm over the smooth edges once more, knowing she has imposed upon him enough. She is about to tell him that she is finished, but when she glances up at his straight back she spies something she had not noticed before.
She can't believe her good luck. Perhaps the universe didn’t hate her after all.
She bites her lip. "Lord Sesshomaru?"
"Yes?"
"There is another one. It’s twisted in the hinges of your shoulder guard. May I remove it for you?"
He gives a small, elegant shrug. "If you like."
She can’t reach it from her current position; she rises to her knees and edges closer, careful not to kneel on the locks she had just lovingly brushed. As she gets closer she hopes that those things she had heard about dog demons being able to smell nervousness were exaggerated. With eager and trembling fingers she reaches out to extract the knot from his armor, and begins picking it apart like the first. She is certain that he isn’t tender-headed but she is gentle all the same. This one is smaller than the other and takes little time to untangle. When it is finished, she softly rakes her fingers through the long stands, returning them to their rightful place. The task is again complete, but her fingers itch to continue.
She worries her bottom lip between her teeth and tells herself that fortune favors the bold; if she has learned anything from her travels with Lord Sesshomaru it is that one must approach every task with unwavering confidence. Comb in hand, she proceeds to smooth the longs strands along his right side, then moves gradually left. He has to know that she should be finished by now but he says nothing. She knows he can't feel the comb as the tines scrape lightly against the armor at his back, but it feels as close to really touching him as she might dare. In the end he is gleaming from the shoulders down and she can’t contain her pride in a job well done. She eyes the rest, but knows that there is a difference between confidence and over-confidence – watching Lord Sesshomaru fight Inuyasha all those years ago was enough to teach her to discriminate between the two. She knows she has taken more than enough liberties with him for one day. No need to push her luck.
She scoots back to her place on the blanket, putting the comb in the basket. “All finished! And we didn’t have to cut it.”
He readjusts to a forward-facing position and the mercurial edges of his hair glide against the surface of the blanket. Something in her chest flutters as he runs his fingers through the strands, casually tucking them behind his ear.
He glances at her handiwork and nods. “Thank you, Rin.”
She beams at the rare display of gratitude. “It was my pleasure!” The words fall out of her mouth, and she hopes that he doesn’t know exactly how true they are. There is a funny look in his eyes that she can’t quite place. She clears her throat and her eyes skip away, falling on a green sprig not far from the edge of the blanket. She seizes it with more fervor than necessary. “Look, Lord Sesshomaru! Arikko! Did you know that it can be used to treat stomach pain? Just this afternoon Lady Kaede was teaching me how to identify it…”
Discomfort melts away and they fall back into a familiar pattern. By the time the sun sets, she feels that she has updated him on all that he has missed in the past three months and then some. His comments are sparse, but that’s nothing new. At dusk she reluctantly gathers the tea set, blanket, and his gift into the basket and he escorts her back to the village. She is chattering about the recent maladies she has successfully treated when he stops at the torii arch.
“Is something wrong, Lord Sesshomaru?”
His gaze searches the village as he subtly scents the air, his expression souring. “I must be on my way.”
Her shoulders droop and she turns to face him, taking a few steps closer. “So soon? But you only just arrived!” The urge to stomp her foot returns. “I know it isn’t much, but there’s always a room prepared for you – “
“I’ll be taking my leave.” His eyes fall to hers and he seems to read the expression on her face, softening his tone. “But I will return again. Soon.”
Her heart almost stops when his fingers find a stray lock of hair that has fallen over her shoulder, claws delicately combing through the edges. Before she even has a chance to process, let alone respond, the hand withdraws.
“Be well, Rin.” With that he leaps into the air and is gone, a blinding orb of light fading into the darkening sky.
She stares after him for a moment as her body and mind catch up to the present. She fingers the lock of hair he had touched and her cheeks burn. With a smile she turns and makes her way up the stairs.
The pang of disappointment at his abrupt departure diminishes significantly as she reviews the day’s events. She touched him. And he touched her. She knew today would be the day. He might have been late, and he might not have stayed for long, but it was worth the wait.
She is so caught up in her reverie that she doesn’t notice the voices coming from inside the hut upon her approach. When she pulls back the door covering, she sees that Kaede has guests. Inuyasha and his wife are seated around the fire sharing a meal. Suddenly Lord Sesshomaru’s rapid departure makes much more sense. She loves them dearly, but the selfish part of her wishes that they could have stayed with Miroku and Sango just one more night.
Inuyasha swallows a bite of fish and gives her a look. “Oi! Did you spend too much time in the sun today? You’re as red as my fire-rat!”
Kagome elbows him before Rin has a chance to respond. “Inuyasha! Be nice! Kaede says that Rin had a guest today.”
“A guest…?” He eyes the package sitting on top of her basket, the blue and gold ribbons instantly recognizable. He rolls his eyes. “Oh, him. It had been so long, I thought maybe he’d finally stopped comin’ around.”
Rin wilts a little. “You thought Lord Sesshomaru had forgotten about me?”
“For your sake I hoped he had. Nobody likes that pain in the a – “
Kagome shoves a rice ball in his mouth, effectively cutting him off. “I’m sure Sesshomaru would never forget about you, Rin. What Inuyasha is trying to say is that he is concerned about you. Sesshomaru has many obligations and Inuyasha doesn’t want to see you get hurt if he can’t come see you regularly, despite his good intentions.”
Inuyasha chokes on the rice ball. “Good intentions? That bastard never had a ‘good intention’ in his life.” He starts to get to his feet, groping for Tessaiga. “In fact, maybe I should go find that asshole and clarify what his intentions are comin’ around here all the time. He needs to leave you alone before – “
“Inuyasha SIT!”
Across the fire, Kaede lowers her chopsticks and frowns at the cracks in the floorboards. Kagome gives her a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Kaede, Inuyasha will fix that for you in the morning.” She turns to Rin. “Don’t pay any attention to him. He’s just cranky after a long trip home.”
His muffled voice drifts up from the floor. “I’m not ‘cranky.’ Or at least I wasn’t before.” He sits up and wipes a hand over his face. “You know I’m right about this, Kagome! This has gone on for long enough. You know it’s just a matter of time before – “
The glare on Kagome’s face tells him she isn’t afraid to use the subjugation beads again, and his teeth click shut. She sighs. “Why don’t you go put your things away and join us for dinner, Rin? The fish is excellent; Inuyasha caught it on the way home.”
She nods and steps into her modest room, setting her basket on her sleeping pallet. She tries to channel her good mood from earlier, but Inuyasha’s words have spooked her. What were Lord Sesshomaru’s intentions for her? True, she had lived in the village for some years now, but she never considered the arrangement to be permanent. She just figured that Lord Sesshomaru would come to collect her when he was ready. Perhaps she was wrong. Did everyone just assume she was here to stay?
And what was Inuyasha about to say? A matter of time until what? While it was true that Lord Sesshomaru hadn’t been visiting as frequently as he used to, she just assumed that he had other obligations like Kagome said. But what if he was just preparing her for the day he didn’t return at all? Her throat threatens to close and there is a prickling behind her eyes.
She knows that the others are waiting for her to join them, but she can’t face them just yet. She busies herself with refolding the blanket and placing the tea set aside for washing later. When she pulls the comb out of the basket all of her giddy excitement from earlier feels foolish. She puts it away and tries not to think about it. The last item in the basket is the gift from Lord Sesshomaru, and the bright colored ribbon seems to mock her. Earlier in the day she had imagined modeling it for him when they returned to the hut, as though he would be pleased to see it. Pleased to see her. How stupid she had been.
With a resigned sigh she pulls the package into her lap. The ribbon comes away easily and the rice paper folds back to reveal a kimono of fine tailored silk, just as expected. The deep indigo fabric is elaborately detailed in the floral patterns she favors. She shakes her head at the extravagance of it. The clothes are designed for royalty, not a girl who spends her days tending to cuts and scouring the fields. She wants to be flattered; these are clothes for a princess, and normally when she unwraps one of his gifts that’s exactly how she feels. But his words – and those of her friends – curdle her appreciation for it. She was a ward of the West, and that’s all there was to it. Of course he would outfit her in fine attire; she represented him and it would be disgraceful to do anything less. Once his obligation to her ended, there would be no more visits, no more gifts, no more him. She can’t believe she didn’t realize it before.
The silk wrinkles in her fists, and she almost tosses it away when she notices the delicate embroidery. It’s a small detail, and if she hadn’t been looking closely she might have missed it altogether. But as soon as she sees it the cooling embers in her heart reignite and flare.
Forget-me-nots. The kimono was decorated with tiny bunches of embroidered forget-me-nots.
It’s silly to hope. She knows that. And it is even sillier to think that the most powerful demon in all of Japan would stoop to something as trivial and as human as sentimentality.
But maybe…
Maybe.
For now, maybe is enough.