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“You’re telling me you’ve never had a beach day?” Luz practically interrogated (though without the intense lamplight or the even more intense eye contact).
“No! Nobody in this dimension has ever had a beach day.” Eda’s slap of the couch was followed by a look of minor irritation, most likely due to this being the seventh time Luz had asked that question.
“Why not?”
“Luz. Use your brain. What are these islands called, again?”
Luz sank back in her chair, let her head roll upwards, and seemed to drown in her mind. What should have been a mere second’s thought ended up taking sixty times that, with Eda’s brow slowly inching upward with each tick of a clock that most certainly wasn’t created exclusively for this fanfiction, nuh-uh. It’s in the show. Trust me.
Unfortunately, all that time was wasted, as after the minute of silence, all that escaped Luz’s lips was a “Huh?”.
Eda was done.
“Pester Hooty about this, not me.”
Despite not having any ears, Hooty’s still turned red.
“Did somebody say meeeeeeeeeee?” Hooty’s body whirled, swirled, and twirled for the entire duration of the stretched out pronoun.
“Nope!” said Eda, subsequently slipping out of the room like the BATTs did the Conformatorium.
“I was just talking about how it’s crazy that none of you have experienced the magic of a beach day!” Hooty’s face began to rotate.
“Why would we need to do that when we have actual magic?” Hooty’s face still had not stopped rotating.
“There’s no such thing as the beach coven.” If Hooty was dizzy, he sure wasn’t showing it.
“There most certainly is!” Hooty, will your face only stop spinning once the world does?
“Well then, it’s because you can’t beat the fun of the sun! Swimming, sand getting between your toes, beach volleyball, getting bitten by crabs, there’s so much there that you’ve never experienced!”
Hooty’s face snapped back on its axis with enraged vim (though, surprisingly, no vigor). “I can’t swim, for I am armless. I can’t get sand between my toes, for I am toeless. Back in my adolescent days, I was tied into a ball and spiked and setted and served for hours by my bullies. When they were done, they left me in the sand to be devoured by crabs.”
Luz stared at Hooty as if his eyes were at the end of him.
“Don’t worry, I got my revenge. Let’s have a beach day, hoot hoot!”
---
“That’s an awful idea, Luz.”
“But sweet potato, it’d be so much fun!”
“Are you being serious? Swimming in the Boiling Isles?”
“What about it is so bad? Are there deathguards instead of lifeguards or something?”
Amity pinched the bridge of her nose in a tiny bout of frustration, but eventually surrendered to her girlfriend’s puppy eyes (and desire to have her very own beach episode).
“Sure. We can have one.” Luz’s following “yay!” broke every crystal ball in the house. “What’s first on the list?”
Luz smirked. She didn’t normally make lists, normally opting to fly by the seat of her otter costume, but when she did make one, that’s when you knew it was going to be quite the experience.
“First on the list: bathing suits.”
---
Unfortunately, there weren’t many bathing suits sold in the Boiling Isles without metal plated armour, or massive horns, or some piece of magic that would inevitably result in another Really Small Problems, so Luz had to get creative.
Gus refused to make everyone illusions of bathing suits, saying stupid things like “No!”, “That’s disgusting! What if the illusion breaks?”, and “What the heck, Luz?”.
What an idiot.
Due to an immense inadequacy of illusionist influence, Luz asked Willow to make plant bathing suits, but all she said was “Gus warned me ahead of time,” and shut the door in her face. But by the time she got back to The Owl House to wallow in boiling sorrow, Amity had found countless bathing suits in the closet.
“Eda has so many piles of junk from the human realm stuffed in here. Did it not cross your mind to check them?”
But Luz had no time to dwell on that, as she crossed off half her beach checklist with the trash in front of her. Pool noodles and towels joined being found along with the bathing suits, leaving three more items:
Volleyball Net
Swag Sunglasses
Sunscreen
Procuring the volleyball net was simply a matter of DIY magic (though it ended up looking a bit like Luz’s door to the human realm), and the sunglasses were “borrowed” from Eda’s dresser. However, while sunscreen was most definitely available, it raised quite possibly the most desired romantic trope to ever abound in Luz’s mind.
“Do you want me to put sunscreen on your back?
Amity paused for a moment.
“I appreciate the offer, but I’ve been meaning to get a tan. My skin is extremely pale and I have fangs. Half the kids at the library think I’m a vampire.”
“The point of sunscreen isn’t to prevent you from getting a tan. It’s to prevent you from getting cancer.”
“What’s cancer?”
Oh. So they don’t have that in the Boiling Isles.
After passing her phone with a pulled-up article on cancer (from Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia) to Amity, Luz began getting the news out to those she loved.
“So you promise I won’t have to cast illusions on a bunch of naked bodies?”
“I promise.”
“Then I’ll be there!”
“And do you promise that I won’t have to grow plants around a bunch of naked bodies?”
“I promise.”
“Then I’ll be there too!”
---
“You ready to go, Amity?” said Luz as she rubbed the sunscreen into her girlfriend’s back.
Amity’s face was redder than it was during The Tunnel of Love™, but this time due to tears, not embarrassment.
“I can’t believe people have to live with that in the human realm.” Amity said as her girlfriend fiddled around with an inflatable duck that sported a gaping hole.
“I’ve just been desensitized to it at this point,” Luz said as she put on her sunglasses.
A blaring shriek from the floor below them echoed throughout the house.
“Get down here already! Owlbert is locked and loaded for hot girl summer, and he won’t wait any longer.”
Luz took Amity’s hand and led her down the stairs at maximum speed.
---
“Finally! We’re here!” Luz hopped off Eda’s staff, her feet flattening the sand at her impact, and ran, no, flew towards the water.
“Luz, no!"
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Get back here!”
But their cries were too late; Luz stepped into the boiling water, and her foot disintegrated, then her leg, toppling her body into a scalding grave. For seconds afterwards, all that was left were her eyes, white spheres infused with fading brown that floated with the tide, until the entropy of the waves took all that was left of her.
Perhaps it’s a good thing they didn’t have time for twenty more adventures.