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“So…”
“No.”
“Look, maybe we should talk about it?”
“I’d rather not.”
Nie Huaisang bites his lips shut and turns on the couch to face straight ahead. He tries to discreetly zip up his jeans but there’s no way he can be subtle in the thick atmosphere. Jiang Cheng makes no move to acknowledge him further, just sitting with his arms crossed, glaring at the end credits of the movie they had been ‘watching’ with such vitriol that it looks like all the creators of that lighthearted comedy had personally offended him. Instead of angry and intimidating it seems more like he was hugging himself. Pitiful, Huaisang would say, but he doesn't have a death wish.
The door opens with a bang once more and Jiang Cheng visibly flinches.
“Sorry!” Wei Wuxian enters the apartment like a whirlwind. “I, kinda just, uhm, forgot my things?” He doesn’t wait for an answer and just heads straight to his room, leaving Lan Wangji awkwardly standing in the doorway.
Nie Huaisang sighs and stands up to stretch his legs and grab the remote. “Don’t worry Wei-xiong.” He says with an exaggerated sigh. “I was just about to leave.”
Wei Wuxian comes out still shoving random pieces of clothing into his backpack, nodding effusively while very clearly avoiding eye contact with either of them. “Oh don’t mind me. I won’t be back until tomorrow evening so you can just stay in my room. Or, if you don’t need the extra bed then-”
“Are you leaving or not?!” Jiang Cheng snaps and grabs one of the sturdier cushions.
Everything becomes dead silent for three whole seconds before Wei Wuxian composes himself. “Definitely leaving, forget I was even here! He grabbed his shoes, not even bothering to put them back on in his haste. “There’s leftovers in the fridge.” A heavy pause settles and Nie Huaisang has the sense to avoid the line of fire before it’s too late. “There’s condoms in my nightstand!” He flees and milliseconds later the cushion crashes against the closed door.
The following silence is worse than the one after the first interruption. The credits end and now even the background noise is gone.
Nie Huaisang rolls his eyes and sits back on the couch, the distance between them wide enough to fit the elephant in the room.
“I’m still of the opinion that we should talk about it.”
“Weren’t you leaving too?” Jiang Cheng tries to cut him with his barbed words.
Unfortunately for him, Nie Huaisang is not impressed by this display. After growing up with Nie Mingjue his skin is thicker than even Wei Wuxian’s.
“Nope! It’s late. And even if you kick me out, Wei-xiong already let me crash in.” He idly browses through the catalogue and picks an old episode from a series they’re watching together. “I mean, is it that big of a deal?”
“Oh my god just shut up-”
“And we weren’t even hooking up!” Yet, and not for a lack of effort. Why do their friends have such perfect timing as to always find them in compromising positions every time things get saucy? “Chengcheng, just chill.” The mocking nickname finally gets Jiang Cheng’s eyes on him. “Remember what I said before?”
“You’re not my boyfriend.”
“Those are big words! I never said I was!” He wouldn’t taunt him with something that might come out as cruel. “But they don’t need to know that.”
Jiang Cheng makes a face like he’d tasted something bitter. “For what? And just lie?”
What a paragon of virtue. “Not a lie, technically. If people want a label why not just give it to them?”
“And have your brother give me a shovel talk? No thanks.”
“Aw come on Jiang-xiong, like your sister wouldn’t rip me to pieces too.” Da-ge would most certainly not understand, but he has never understood Nie Huaisang so he’d just shake his head and tell him to be safe.
“Why would you want to date me?” Jiang Cheng hugs himself tighter. “I wouldn’t be able, to do all those things.” Nie Huaisang raises and eyebrow and Jiang Cheng sighs exasperated. “The candlelit dinners, the good morning texts, the-” he recoils with disgust, “pet names, the refusing to hang up at three am even though others have work the next day.”
Nie Huaisang would lie if he didn’t say he wishes for someone to sweep him off his feet and tell him he’s got the stars in his eyes, but it’d be weird coming from Jiang Cheng. Besides, knowing his own dealbreakers, he knows that Jiang Cheng is lashing out afraid.
“Just that? Sure.” He says with an air of lightness. “As long as you’re fine with me sometimes not being up to all of,” he points at the fresh bruise on his neck, “this.” Jiang Cheng looks at his own work and his eyes grow dark. Nie Huaisang wants to laugh.
He’s not repulsed by sex like how Jiang Cheng is by notions of romance, for him it’s just an activity. No passion, not mind blowing heat, just a fun thing to do once in a while when the mood strikes. For Jiang Cheng though, it is just like in the movies, all encompassing and a complete act of trust and vulnerability.
“So that’s it? We’re dating and pretending to be a normal couple,” even the word has him looking like he’s going to gag. “But in private, what?”
Nie Huaisang offers him a big smile. “We do this!” He scoots closer until he’s half on Jiang Cheng’s lap. It’s good that they’re on the same page of craving physical contact. “And actually sleep together. But probably inside a locked room.”
Jiang Cheng opens his arms and lets Nie Huaisang snuggle against him. The friction seems to remind Jiang Cheng’s body of what they were just up to, but it’s easy to ignore it for the time being.
Nie Huaisang changes to an episode they haven’t actually seen before so they can continue their movie night and it’s only after halfway through it that Jiang Cheng speaks again.
“I… I do love you.”
“I know.” It’s true, Nie Huaisang does know. It might not be in the conventional way, but he knows the depth of feelings they hold for each other.
“I’m just,” he says, tired. “I’m broken.”
That has Nie Huaisang turning to face him. “No you’re not.” He frowns. “You, Jiang Cheng, are one of the most loving and caring people out there. If others don’t recognize it for what it is then it’s their fault and they don’t deserve you.” He says with finality.
Jiang Cheng meets his eyes, tentative, and lightly kisses his lips. Nie Huaisang feels them tingle even from that brief touch but the other looks unaffected.
No, that’s not the word. He looks relieved, content.
Nie Huaisang’s heart soars and aches the tiniest bit. Jiang Cheng can’t give him something he’s not capable of giving, just how Nie Huaisang might sometimes not want to do things that in other moments he’s fine doing. They’ll just have to navigate this sort of relationship that no book ever teaches you about. But at the end of the day, it’s love. If others want to put a name to it even if doesn’t fit them, that’s their own problem.
Jiang Cheng doesn’t look at him like Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian look at each other, yet Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have it any other way.