Chapter Text
It was finally over. Vecna had finally been defeated.
While Eddie and Steve had been in the Upside Down trying to save Nancy, El and the rest of the group had returned from California. El had defeated Vecna after a grueling battle and they’d all returned back to their own world, exhausted but relieved the ordeal was finally over.
Except it wasn’t truly over. At least not for Eddie.
He was still plagued by nightmares. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Chrissy. The horrible way her limbs cracked and folded, the blood that dripped down her face as her eyes were wrenched into her skull. It got so bad that sometimes Eddie couldn’t bring himself to sleep until he literally passed out from exhaustion after staying up for days on end.
It didn’t stop at nightmares. More days than not, he would find himself sitting on the ground, curled in on himself and shaking with silent sobs as he tried desperately just to breathe. Eddie had always been sort of jittery, but this was entirely new and it scared him because he didn’t know how to make it stop. He could only endure it, and it made him feel so helpless and weak. It was pure luck that Eddie hadn’t had one of these episodes in front of his new friends.
He should have known his luck was bound to run out eventually.
* * *
“Hey, you should totally come to Steve’s this Friday. His parents are gonna be out of town so we all decided to throw ourselves a 'holy shit we didn't die' party,” Robin told Eddie as he absentmindedly looked over Family Video’s selection of sci-fi movies. Eddie was making it a habit recently to visit Robin and Steve at their work. He insisted that it was just fun to annoy the two, but deep down he knew that he just didn’t want to be alone. He suspected that Robin and Steve were aware of this on some level, because while they feigned annoyance sometimes, they never told him to leave.
“Eh, I don’t know,” Eddie said in response to Robin. “Parties aren’t really my thing. Concerts? Sure. Parties? Nah.”
“Aw, c’mon,” Robin persevered. “We’ll have food and everything!”
Eddie had to admit that free food did sound nice.
“You don’t have to stay all night, just show up for an hour or two,” Steve joined in. “The kids will be super bummed if you don’t come. Especially Dustin. Kid basically worships the ground you walk on.”
“Using the kids against me?” Eddie gasped, easily falling into his usual theatrics. “You would stoop so low?”
Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes, but there was a small grin on his face. “Just hang out for a bit, yeah? I promise we won’t bite.”
“We saved the world together,” Robin added on. “Hanging out with us is, like, part of the deal.”
Eddie held back from reminding her that he had done little more than run away and scream. He instead held up his hands in a mock surrender gesture and said, “I can’t really argue with that. Fine, count me in.”
Eddie tried to ignore the warm feeling that blossomed inside him at how genuinely happy Robin and Steve were upon him agreeing to come to the party.
“I can pick you up around four,” Steve offered. “Assuming you need a ride.”
Eddie thanked him and promised to be ready by then before making his way toward the store exit. As he walked, he happened to glance up at one of the TVs and froze.
A movie he didn’t recognize was playing. It seemed to be taking place in some hellish landscape covered by thick red fog. It reminded Eddie of the Upside Down, and already he could feel his hands begin to shake as he gazed up at the TV, frozen.
It was cold. So cold. Even the comfortable leather jacket he wore under his vest wasn’t enough to keep the cold from seeping into his bones.
“Eddie? Hey! Earth to Eddie! You alright man?”
Eddie blinked and tore his eyes away from the screen as Steve snapped his fingers in front of his face. He looked concerned as he gazed at Eddie. Robin was still at the counter, but she too was staring at Eddie with visible concern on her face. Eddie felt an embarrassed flush heat up his cheeks, mortified as he realized he’d nearly had a freakout right in front of them.
“You good?” Steve asked. “You kinda just…froze up there. Almost like…y’know…” he didn’t finish the sentence, but Eddie knew what he was implying.
“No, no, I’m fine!” Eddie assured him quickly, perhaps a little too quickly, because Steve’s concerned look only intensified.
“You’d tell us if anything happened, right?” Steve pressed.
“Trust me, I do not want to get pretzeled if I can help it,” Eddie chuckled. In a more serious tone, he added, “I promise I’d tell you guys if something were wrong.”
Steve nodded, looking relieved, and clapped Eddie on the shoulder. Eddie, still shaky from his brief panic, flinched from the contact, immediately feeling guilty at the slightly hurt look in Steve’s eyes. Suddenly being in the store felt suffocating. Eddie felt like he was being scrutinized under a microscope by Steve’s and Robin’s intense looks of worry. So he gave them both a thumbs up before quickly leaving the store.
As he was walking back to his van, Eddie buried his face in his hands and let out a frustrated groan, mentally kicking himself for almost losing it in front of Steve and Robin.
I promise I’d tell you guys if something were wrong.
Eddie couldn’t help but feel guilty as his lie echoed in his ears. He would tell them if he thought Vecna was back, sure. But he had no desire to tell anyone about how much he had been struggling mentally recently. He knew he was being unreasonable; Steve and Robin and Dustin and the rest of them had all probably gone through similar struggles at one point. But he was tired of being a burden. He’d been useless enough in the Upside Down.
He’d just have to tough it out on his own. It would get better eventually, right?