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- September 1985 -
Y/N hated taking the bus. It was so crowded, way too warm, and way too loud for how early in the morning it was. No matter how high she cranked her walkman she couldn’t drown out the screaming 15 year olds. Those kids never failed to amaze her, she didn’t know how anyone could have so much energy at eight in the morning. Y/N could barely keep her eyes open, never mind hold a conversation. She almost missed Eddie’s van that just permanently smelled like cheap weed. He used to let her fall back asleep in the passenger seat, using his jacket as a pillow, waking her gently as they pulled up to the school. But she wasn’t allowed to miss Eddie’s van. Or him. Even if the school bus was literal hell on earth.
She hadn’t seen him in months. They hadn’t talked since June. Sometimes she wanted nothing more than to be curled up in his shitty bed in that shitty trailer park just watching him. Watching him tune his guitar, watching him plan out campaigns, scribbling into his notebook with a pencil that looked like he’d found it in a war zone. She’d spent most of junior year bleary eyed in that bedroom. She’d fallen in love in that bedroom. And she hadn’t told him. Instead she’d just stopped showing up at his, stopped answering his calls, she didn’t even show up to the last D&D session. Left a note in his locker saying she was sorry and disappeared from his life.
He’d came to her door a few times, bounced stones off the window. And she wished that she’d just gotten over herself. Wished that she’d just answered the door and said hi and dragged him upstairs, wished that she’d opened her windows and told him to fuck off before chucking the key out for him. Maybe it was a bad idea, ditching her friends the way she had. She knew there was no maybe about it, she missed them all like crazy. She knew it was so unreasonable - she didn’t have to cut them all off, she didn’t even have to cut Eddie off. She knew all this, but she just couldn’t get over herself.
Y/N found herself scared shitless to get off the bus, worried he’d be right there waiting for her like he used to before he started giving her rides in. He wouldn’t be though. He’d given up during the summer. Finally taking the hints, even though she really didn’t want him to. She felt insane. Letting him go like that, willing him to go like that, and still waiting for him to be there. Staying awake every night waiting for him to show up outside her window, or for the phone to ring, just for any sign of him. Every time her hopes diminished a little. As if he was proving her right.
He wasn’t there. Of course he wasn’t. But the kids were, Mike and Dustin were standing waiting, grinning at her. As she got closer to them she realised they had that same awful cheap weed smell that Eddie’s van had. He’d given them a ride in, then he’d ditched so he didn’t have to see her. Great. Amazing. Not only was she avoiding him, he was now avoiding her too. She looked around the parking lot, spotting his van almost immediately. She wondered where he’d run off to. They used to rock up late to first period together every single morning. There was no way he’d suddenly developed such amazing time keeping skills as to pick all the kids up and drop them off on time. Maybe her parents didn’t give a shit but the Wheeler’s absolutely did. She couldn’t speak for Henderson’s mom but she and Eddie had once been cornered in the convenience store by Mrs Wheeler for hellfire running over twenty minutes. She was so used to her mom not caring at all about what she did that Mrs Wheeler was still the most intense experience of her whole life. In fact, how had she even let Mike get into that disgusting van to begin with. Eddie must’ve picked him up around the corner because there was no way in hell that woman had laid eyes on that van and Mike had actually left the house alive.
“Y/N, where the hell have you been all summer?” Dustin cut off her wandering mind. She stared at him for a second, mop of curls longer than ever but still being hidden under those ridiculous baseball caps, before grudgingly pulling off her headphones.
“Uhhh, home?” She answered, trying to sound sure. It wasn’t even a lie. She’d basically wasted away in her bedroom the past three months. She didn’t really have any friends except for Eddie and the hellfire guys. Her mom had dragged her to see back to the future, but other than that she’d done nothing but lie in bed or sit on the back door step reading the same few pages of her book that she couldn’t focus on.
“Wanna explain why you ditched us all? Eddie said you’ve been ignoring him since school ended.”
“You know what guys? I, uh, still don’t have my classes sorted so I’m just gonna…” She gave them a half assed smile and quickly walked past them, beelining for the office. Not expecting them to follow behind her, she tried to put her headphones back on.
“Not gonna work, Y/L/N!” Dustin shouted as he and Mike caught up to her.
She loved those kids, she really did, and she didn’t have the heart to try to bail on them again. She slowed down, letting them fall into step with her. Looking at them properly now she realised they weren’t the gawky freshmen she’d known the year before. They were taller, faces filled out a bit more, still donning their beloved hellfire club t-shirts that her and Eddie had made for them when they joined. Y/N felt a small lump form in her throat at the thought. She missed him, way more than she cared to admit. But she pushed it to the side, Mike and Dustin were not about to see her cry over Eddie fucking Munson. It just wasn’t going to happen.
They started quizzing her immediately. Why wasn’t she speaking to Eddie, why did she ditch hellfire, where the fuck had she been the past three months, why didn’t she call anyone, why, why, why. Y/N didn’t really have the answers. She did, she just wasn’t going to tell them that she had fallen in love with her best friend and suddenly became such a pussy that her plan had been to ditch everyone and never speak to them again in the hopes she’d get over it. She could’ve just told Eddie, or even better she could’ve just ignored it and gotten on with her life. But no, instead she had completely abandoned all her friends, all her hobbies, and spent the summer hanging out with her mom (all without a single ounce of weed to dull that headache because she’d only ever gotten it off of Eddie and didn’t even maybe know where else to go). She’d spent months justifying it all in her head. It had made so much sense for a while. But now she was looking at two of her favourite people in the world, wondering where the third had disappeared to, and she realised that she might have been the biggest dick to ever walk the face of the earth. She still wasn’t prepared to go crawling back to Eddie, but she saw less shame in crawling back to the kids. Y/N threw an arm around each of them and let out a sigh.
“Oh, I missed you guys.”
- December 1985 -
This was the first time Y/N had sat at the lunch table since June. She’d been hanging out in classes instead, annoying her teachers who just wanted to go to the staff room and forget about kids for forty minutes. The kids had almost convinced her to sit with them again a couple times before, but she hesitated - she still hadn’t talked to Eddie. Mike had cornered her outside math, taking her arm and literally just walking her to their table.
It had been nearly six months. There had been a few times they’d seen each other in the halls, but other than that Eddie was nonexistent. Y/N wanted nothing more than to just smile, scoot over to him, and talk like she hadn’t been ignoring him for almost half a year. Part of her didn’t think he’d mind. She really hoped he wouldn’t. There was no way she could do this forever, she’d have to go crawling back at some point. She had realised that first morning on the bus that she was a complete idiot. She also knew that she’d really hurt him. And the thought of him telling her that in his own voice made her cry so much she couldn’t breathe.
The kids kept her up to date on hellfire, they’d started getting on the bus with her. They’d told her that if she wouldn’t sit with them at lunch then they’d sit with her in the morning. She knew it was because Mrs Wheeler had freaked after seeing Eddie’s van. Nancy had told her in English, obviously having not caught the drift about her and Eddie. Y/N had laughed a little too hard telling Nancy her mom was insane, but Nancy simply nodded her head and said ‘I know’.
It was early December, Eddie’s campaign would start getting a lot more intense now. Dustin’s character was going strong from what Y/N could tell, Mike’s on the other hand was on his knees.
“Honestly, Y/N, I’m never gonna be able to survive whatever bullshit he’s hitting us with tonight.”
“Where the hell is he anyway?” Dustin asked, looking around for Eddie.
Y/N tried to keep herself steady. Struggling to eat her lunch at a normal speed so that they didn’t all think she was desperate to run off. She was, but she didn’t want them thinking that. The thought of Eddie rocking up and sitting down and having to look at him was terrifying. She wasn’t prepared for it. The guilt started to swell in her throat and twist in her stomach. She was prepared for Eddie any time, what she actually wasn’t prepared for was having to say sorry.
Lunch ticked by and there was no sign of Eddie. Y/N relaxed a little, half relieved and half disappointed. It was probably for the best, she had no idea what she would even say to him, or if she would say anything. Mike and Dustin kept rambling about hellfire. She wasn’t really listening, too fixated on the thought of Eddie actually showing face, but from what she’d gathered there was no hope in hell that Mike would survive the first two hours and he was already drafting a back up plan.
“Fuck.” Lucas suddenly exclaimed. “It’s my Grandma’s birthday dinner tonight, my mom will kill me if I miss it.”
The group just stared at him. Mike groaned, and Dustin immediately turned to Y/N.
“You’ve gotta stand in.”
“Absolutely fucking not.” Y/N replied
-
That was how she found herself sitting alone in the hellfire club after last period for the first time in months.
Y/N hated those kids. She really, really, seriously hated them. Part of her started thinking that she never even should’ve entertained them with the bus and with lunch, that she should’ve kept her headphones on and stayed in the art classes. As much as she hated them right then, she was so glad to be back with them. It hadn’t been so bad since school started back. Mike and Dustin had brought her back round to normality pretty quick, she hadn’t realised how much she’d missed just having easy fun. Summer had been so lonely. She had missed all of them so badly, having backed herself into a corner that she couldn’t get out of. And, yeah, Mike and Dustin didn’t care that she’d been MIA for months on end, but she cared.
Unable to quit twisting her fingers and picking at her nails (every day she was amazed that she even had any left to mess around with) she slid down the seat and let her face fall into her hands. Eddie was always the first to get there, but he wasn’t here yet. In fact no one else was either, she would kill Mike and Dustin if they were late. Especially after they spent the last of lunch convincing her into coming. Y/N started biting at her nails, desperately trying to look like she had something to do. Maybe she should’ve just gotten up and left. None of them were here to see her run off. Maybe it was her Grandma’s birthday tonight as well. Maybe her and Lucas had the same one and she had to be there too -
“Hey guys, sorry I’m… late…”
Fuck. Fuck. Y/N’s head shot up at the sound of Eddie’s voice. She hadn’t actually seen him in months. His hair was longer, and his face looked thinner. There were more badges and patches on his jacket than there had been the last time, some for bands she didn’t recognise, he’d changed the guitar pick round his neck too. He’d changed it from the one she’d given him. She felt her throat start to close up. Eddie looked so different. But he looked exactly the same. The two of them stared at each other for what felt like forever. Until eventually he reached his hand out for her.
“What are you doing here?” Y/N nearly melted when he spoke again. She’d forgotten what he did to her, that he had her wrapped around his finger without even knowing it. She watched his mouth move, the way his lips wrapped themselves around the sounds, forgetting that she was actually meant to reply. “Y/N?”
“Uh, um, Lucas can’t come. I’m standing in.”
“Oh, so you just ditch us all for months, can’t even pick up the phone, can’t even come to the door, but Lucas can’t come and you’re suddenly here?” The venom in his voice was suddenly apparent. She hadn’t heard him like this before. Feeling her chest tighten she tried to straighten herself up, tried to look less like she was the personification of guilt.
“I’m sorry.” She managed, throat so swollen she could barely breathe.
Eddie looked at her, huffed, and then chucked his bag into his normal seat. “You’re sorry?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Y/N you disappeared off the face of the fucking earth for six months. You can’t just show up and expect it to all be A-OK.” He wasn’t looking at her anymore, instead he was fumbling with his bag, clearly trying to keep it together. “So, what the fuck has all this been about?”
Y/N stared at him; lip trembling, eyes glassy, struggling to keep her hands still. She was doing her best to be normal about it. To just keep herself together, give him some bullshit and get on with it. He caught her eye a few seconds later and she knew there was no way she could lie to him. She never had been able to, that’s why she’d ran away from him to begin with. Now here they both were, having six months of unsaid things out in a fucking dingy, freezing spare classroom.
“I couldn’t do it anymore, Eds.” She finally replied after a minute or two, tears starting to escape her. She pulled her sleeves over her palms and held them underneath her eyes. There was no way she was going to cry about this. Not anymore. Not in front of him.
“Couldn’t do what?” He almost sounded angrier than he had to begin with. Y/N kept her hands where they were and just shook her head. Where the fuck were the rest of hellfire. She needed this to be over. “Couldn’t do what, Y/N?”
His voice was softer the second time, coaxing a response instead of demanding one, but she still couldn’t bring herself to speak. If she’d have looked up she would’ve seen Mike, Dustin and Lucas eavesdropping through the crack in the door.
“I can’t tell you. I can’t. It’ll ruin everything, I don’t want that.”
“Y/N, we haven’t talked in six months, I think this is as bad as it gets.” Y/N laughed lightly. “Please just tell me what’s going on. You know I don’t care what it is, not even slightly, not even if it’s embarrassing. All I want is for you to be okay. And if that means you never speak to me again then that’s cool, but I can’t take any more of this not knowing. You’re my best friend. Were my best friend. Fuck, I don’t know anymore. Just, please give me a clue here.”
He’d sat down next to her, pulled his chair out so that he was facing her. Soft brown eyes pleading silently with her. She just dropped her head to his chest and sobbed. She’d forgotten how good it felt to be with Eddie. To hear him talk, feel him against her, smell his shitty cheap cologne mixed with his cheap shitty weed. She mumbled into his shirt a few times, not brave enough to say it loud enough for him to hear.
“Y/N, sweetheart, come on.” He pulled her off of him, wiping the tears off of her face.
“I really don’t think I can say it.”
“You can, come on.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay. Show me instead then, fucking charades or something I don’t know. You just kinda, really gotta let me know what’s been going on.”
Eddie was holding both her hands in his now, rubbing her knuckles gently. He was smiling way too much, just happy to have Y/N back, even if just like this. Her stomach flipped, doing somersault after somersault. This might really be happening - he might really be holding her hands and she might really be telling him that she’s stupid in love with him.
Y/N didn’t think. She just did it. She put her hands on his cheeks, leaned forward and kissed him. He tasted like diet coke, ash, and Eddie. He just tasted like how she always thought he might. He didn’t move for a second, then his hands were on her waist and he was kissing her back. They stayed wrapped up in each other for a minute or so before pulling apart.
“That’s what all this has been about? You ditched me for six months ‘cause you wanted to kiss me?” Eddie kept one hand on her waist, laughing quietly, bringing the other one up to her face. He pushed her hair back behind her ear, stroked her cheek gently, before kissing her again.
“Okay, okay, I didn’t ditch you just ‘cause I wanted to kiss you.”
“What, you’re just like stupid in love with me?”
“Little bit, yeah.” Y/N grinned.
“You know you could’ve just said. You didn’t have to disappear.”
“I dunno, it seemed a lot easier than figuring out if the feeling was mutual.”
“Oh it’s mutual, angel.”
They were brought out of their own world when they heard cheering outside the door. Mike, Dustin and Lucas were high fiving and shouting celebrations.
“Oh for fuck sake.” Eddie groaned, hanging his head low for a second. “I fucking knew they’d planned this.”
“Thanks guys!” Y/N shouted back at them, giggling the whole time.
Eddie gently placed his hand on her jaw and turned her back to him, smiling wider than she’d ever seen.
“Now… where were we?”