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"Isn't it so attractive when someone comes through self-scan and they actually know what they're doing?"
Tino gives Mathias an odd look. "I wouldn't say attractive, but it's nice… You need serious help, I hope you know."
"I'm far past that." Mathias waves his hand dismissively. "That's why we're friends."
"I don't think that's exclusively the reason…" Tino rolls his eyes as he goes to help a customer who looks about ready to start kickboxing one of the machines.
It's one of those busy summer days where both Tino and Mathias are stuck on self-scan so they can better utilize the people they have. Mathias doesn’t mind it as much as Tino does, but it’s mostly because he likes to pace away all his energy and he can’t do that when he’s stuck on a regular register. Plus, he always has the opportunity to simply walk away from customers. He’s not sure if Tino knows he can do that, but he’s also usually a lot nicer than Mathias. It’s one of the reasons that makes Mathias wonder sometimes how he had gotten the manager position and not Tino.
The two of them had been friends since high school, when he had moved from Denmark with his family. He was loud and boisterous and a lot of other kids made fun of his accent. He’d had a bit of a hard time making friends, and with his home life in disarray, he’d felt pretty alone. Until Tino had noticed him. Tino hadn’t really had any friends either, just a few people who had been nice to him while they were in school. Somehow, he and Mathias had clicked and became best friends.
When they graduated from high school, they’d packed up and moved states together. A lot of that decision had come from the fact that they’d had no support at home, and Mathias had wanted to disappear somewhere his family couldn’t find him. They hadn’t told anyone where they were moving to, and no one asked them -- which hit Tino harder than it hit Mathias.
Ending up in a small town, their choices had been limited, and so they had started renting a house together, got a job at the same store. They each had gone into different departments, working different schedules, and came home to complain about the same things. It’s been so different from their lives growing up, and they’ve been fine with the mundane.
But there is one extra “bonus” about becoming the front end manager that Mathias hadn't expected. And that would be the extremely hot fuel station manager. Honestly, how in the world can he stay out there without blowing up the whole fuel station? He’s that hot. Built, tall, and this air of almost mystery. He’s definitely got the “fuel station” personality type; he wouldn’t do well inside where he would have to deal with people more. But Mathias thinks it’s more that he’s shy rather than a dislike of other humans, unlike people like their bookkeeper or the majority of night crew. Berwald is the one man Mathias is dying to get to know, but has the hardest time attempting to do so.
Oh, he’s tried. Pretty much every time he has to go out to fuel or any time Berwald comes inside. And he hasn’t had a single successful conversation with him once. He’s hit his head several times on the countertop above the safe, he’s fallen back into Danish mid-sentence more than he’d like to admit, and actually tripped on his way out of the fuel station just last week. He’s never been this tongue-tied and lacked that much finesse in his whole life when dealing with someone he liked. He’s always been smooth and on point when flirting. He can’t even count his attempts with Berwald as “flirting” -- it’s just trying to make it through each encounter without making an absolute idiot of himself.
It’s almost unfortunate that they have to work together as frequently as they do. Even though the fuel station is more or less its own entity, it also somehow falls under front end’s responsibility. Every time someone in fuel calls in, it’s the front end’s problem and they have to sacrifice someone to go out and help. Before actually meeting Berwald, Mathias had disliked everyone in the fuel station because he was constantly sending his service counter people outside to make up for the fact that no one seemed to want to be out there.
And then he’d met him, and… He watches Berwald check out a protein bar and a lemonade at one of the self-scan bots. Well, he’s mostly forgiven.
Someone pages for an override and Mathias snaps to, hurrying to figure out which register it was. He’s far too distracted lately.
It’s another closing and Mathias couldn’t be more content. The day had been long and a little rough -- all the customers coming in had seemed agitated by the heat and generally just a little more annoying than usual. But it’s finally cooled down, slowed down, and is generally much quieter. It’s somewhere near ten, and he’s on the wrapping up end of the night. Most everything is taken care of, so he’s letting his last courtesy clerk and checker talk as he looks over the schedule he’d started earlier in the week, checking to make sure it’s where he wants it to be. Fourth of July weekend is right around the corner and he’s doing his best to utilize all the hours he’d been given for his department. He’s a little annoyed about Berwald’s schedule, though, and he knows he needs to talk to him about it. He’d rather suffer a bit in the beginning of the week instead of so close to the holiday.
He looks up when he hears a commotion by self-scan, seeing a drunk man yelling at his little courtesy clerk. Oh, it’s going to be one of those nights after all. Bracing himself, he goes around the counter and heads for self-scan, which immediately catches the attention of the man who redirects his yelling.
There is a small part of him that says he should be prepared for the verbal attack, but the majority of his mind goes on the defense. Not just his normal defense, though. Because that would make this encounter too simple. The man turns to him and starts screaming -- calling him names and other gibberish that Mathias can’t quite understand. And it awakes a feeling in his gut that he had believed he’d buried.
Still, Mathias stands tall, and doesn’t have to say anything as he escorts the man to the doors. He stands by the exit, watching him wander out into the parking lot.
And then it hits him. Hard.
He feels the panic settle in rapidly, his mind clouding and his breathing coming shallow. He makes his way back inside and grips the edges of the podium, trying to find something to steady himself. It’s been a few years since he’s had a panic attack, but he knows it’s too late to ground himself.
His family situation is why he’d left home. His father was driven by anger, his mother was good at turning a blind eye. Mathias had spent so much time at Tino’s place or out getting himself into trouble just to get away from it. When he and Tino had moved away, it had taken him years to work through it. He’d have panic attacks when it got too quiet, or when it got too loud. He’d managed to get that under control, slowly, until he didn’t have them anymore.
Tonight is an anomaly, triggered by an angry drunk who called him one too many familiar names. Tino would be disappointed in him.
He’s not too aware of his surroundings, so he misses that Berwald comes inside and the short conversation between him and the cashier. He does however notice a firm hand on his shoulder, pulling him away from the podium. Mathias makes a sound of protest, immediately searching for something to hold onto. Berwald leads him behind service counter, where he sinks to the ground and buries his face in his hands. God, he can’t fucking breathe.
The hand on his shoulder doesn’t go away; it’s firm and steady and Mathias focuses on that. It’s slow, but it’s the grounding that he needs. Eventually, he comes back to himself enough that he can hear Berwald’s voice. He’s not talking to him, he realises after a moment. He’s talking to his cashier and courtesy clerk, checking that everything they need to do has been completed. “Mathias, I need your keys…”
His keys? Fuck, what time is it? Shakily, Mathias fishes around in his vest pocket until he produces them and hands them over. He looks up as Berwald hesitantly lets him go in favor of going to the front doors to lock them up. If he’s doing that, it’s been almost an hour then. That almost sends him into another panic attack -- he still has so much to get done before he can leave for the night.
Absolutely exhausted, Mathias pushes himself to his feet, gripping the counter to steady himself. God, Tino would be so pissed at him if he saw him like this. All the work they’ve put in and he’s falling apart like it’s high school again. Berwald comes back, snagging a bottle of water from the bin by the time clock, and hands him both the water and his keys. “Are you doing alright?”
No, not really. Mathias sets his keys on the counter in favor of opening the water and taking a swig. “Better,” he mumbles, ignoring the racing of his heart. He’s breathing again, anyway. “Thanks…”
Berwald shrugs awkwardly, and glances away. “What still needs to be done?”
“You should go home,” he tells him, grabbing his keys as he tries to focus enough to remember everything he still has to do. Pull drawers 13 and SCO; lottery; reboot all the self-scans; pull the last service counter drawer; do a last walk… “I can wrap up.”
But Berwald shakes his head. “Not after that.” He hesitates, glancing around the front end. “But I don’t know how you close your department… Give me a task.”
Mathias stares at him for a minute. They’ve barely made it through a single conversation up to this point. He expected his cashier and courtesy clerk to freak out a little after his episode, but he hadn’t thought that Berwald would care enough to help him through it -- never mind stick around to help him finish his close. He fusses with the water bottle and averts his eyes as Berwald looks back at him. “Do you know how to reboot a register?” He gets a sound of approval. “If I unlock all the self-scan bots, maybe you can do that?”
“I can do that,” Berwald agrees firmly and Mathias nods, grateful for a task to focus on. Feeling a little more steady, he sets his water on the counter before going around to the self-scans and unlocking each one. He shows Berwald where the power button is on each side -- because God forbid if all the machines were the same -- and then sets to work getting the lottery taken care of. The store is quiet, except for the radio overhead and the sound of Berwald rebooting the bots. There’s a buzz in the back of Mathias’s head that he tries not to focus on because he knows it means a headache is coming. He finishes with the lottery and moves on to pulling drawers. “Got ‘em,” Berwald says as Mathias heads for the bookkeeping office.
Mathias unlocks the door and then hands Berwald the keys. “Lock ‘em up. Short silver one.” He’s grateful for the help. It’s not going to be the best close he’s ever had, which is frustrating. But this whole night has been frustrating. Since when did he let people get under his skin like that?
Within half an hour, he and Berwald are doing the final walk. They split up and circle back to the center of the store, confirming that there are no customers left, only night crew. After clocking out, Mathias puts his vest away and walks with Berwald towards the exit. “Hey, I… I appreciate you sticking around for…everything…” he mumbles reluctantly as he unlocks the doors, opening them so they can step out.
At first, Berwald doesn’t say anything and Mathias has to glance over his shoulder to make sure he hadn’t just walked off and left him. Berwald has a very intense look on his face as he studies him. “I don’t mind…” It looks like he has more to say, but Mathias can feel his cheeks flush and the tips of his ears turn red so he busies himself with locking the doors back up. “I don’t need to know it all, but I’m glad you’re alright.”
His instinct to laugh it all off kicks in. “Please. I’ve been in deeper shit than that. What’s a little panic attack? Especially with a strong --” Oh, don’t do that. He’s just about to bury himself in embarrassment.
Berwald gives him a quizzical, almost amused, look. Mathias coughs, muttering something nonsensical under his breath. “Second thought, I’m just thinking back to all the times you’ve hit your head over the past year, and the hyperventilating tonight… I think I better walk you to your car. Make sure you get there in one piece.”
Getting the hint, Mathias scowls at him. “Careful where you take that. I might tell you that I don’t live in town. I’ve got quite the drive ahead of me.”
“Maybe I should give you my number, so that you can text me when you get home safely,” Berwald suggests after a beat and Mathias can tell that he’s as red as he feels.
God, he’s almost thirty and he’s blushing like he’s sixteen. He’s usually so much better than this but there’s just something about Berwald that gets under his skin, wiggles into his brain. “I suppose that’s not the worst idea in the world…” he concedes as they start walking to Mathias’s car. They walk in silence for a minute before Mathias confesses, “I haven’t had a panic attack in years… That kind of scared me. So I really appreciate you being there…”
Berwald doesn’t look at him. “It’s fine… I’m glad I could help… I wasn’t really sure what to do, if you want me to be honest.”
“You’re good at working under pressure,” Mathias offers quietly, watching his feet.
“I wasn’t going to walk away,” Berwald tells him in a tone he doesn’t quite recognise as they reach his car. “I wouldn’t have walked away from anyone who needed help like that, but I wouldn’t have stayed to finish someone else’s work for just anyone.”
Mathias’s heart skips a beat and he peeks up at him. Berwald is pointedly looking away from him, his face and neck bright red under the lamp light. He wants to say more than just another thank you, but he can't think of anything. His phone buzzes in his back pocket and he pulls it out. "Shit, it's Tino…"
"You two are close," Berwald grumbles and Mathias glances up at him.
"Yeah." He notices how his nose scrunches up and he quickly amends, "But not like that. We're basically brothers."
Berwald nods, seeming satisfied in that answer, and then holds out his hand for Mathias's phone. "Gotta have my number if you're gonna text me later."
It takes Mathias a second as he passes off his phone and then he smiles. "Right. When I get home."
"Safely," Berwald adds distractedly as he puts his number into Mathias's phone. He hands it back and nods at him. "Hope the rest of your night is good."
"Well, work ended pretty high, so I think it can only go up from here," Mathias says as bravely as he can manage. They say goodnight and he gets into his car, heading home. The night runs through his head on repeat and he's practically vibrating when he gets home.
"Matt, Jesus," Tino says when he opens the front door, standing from the couch. "It's after midnight. Are you okay?"
Mathias grins at him. "Yeah. Rough night. But guess who's number I got?" He waves his phone in his face.
Tino blinks at him and then smiles. "I think you have a new record on your hands." Mathias stares blankly at him. "This is the longest it has ever taken you to get someone's number."
Mathias laughs. "Oh come on!" They bicker for a while as Mathias settles in for the night, but he doesn't tell Tino all the details as to why he was late home. He doesn't want him to worry. And, besides, he likes the idea that he and Berwald had had a moment. Despite the rough night, it leaves him hoping for the beginning of something good between them.
Home safe. 👍