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Natural Gasses

Summary:

Hank tries a Baja Blast for the first time.

Notes:

I wrote this as a joke for an assignment for a Screenwriting class. Enjoy.

Work Text:

“I’m telling you Hank it's liquid gold” Dale said enthusiastically as he attempted to hand the cup to Hank.

“And I’m telling you that it looks radioactive!” Hank exclaimed.

Dale looked dejected and muttered to himself. Bill attempted to break the silence.

“You know, Lenore loved Taco Bell”

Hank was frustrated with his idiot friends. He opened another can of Alamo beer and ate his beef burrito, no cheese, no beans. Bobby had encouraged Peggy to try Taco Bell earlier that week. She had tried to order in spanish. Hank had to watch the pimply teen behind the counter struggle to understand her. He had to admit, the food was damn good. Not better than a good propane burger, but better than spa-peggy and meatballs.

“Yeah, man, I tell you what, man, dang ol' Baja Blast is damn good you know what I’m sayin” Boomhauer broke the silence.

Boomhauer was Hank’s most level headed friend. Even though he was a womanizer he still had a better grasp of reality than Dale or Bill. God, Dale and Bill were lucky to have him around. Hank sighed

“Fine. Give me the damn drink” Hank relented.

Dale cheered as took a sip.

Hank looked surprised when he took a sip.

“Well I’ll be damned, this is a good drink” he exclaimed.

Hank took another sip, then another, eventually finishing Dale’s drink. Dale tried to protest.

“Shut up Dale, I'll buy you another one. In fact, let's go to Taco Bell right now. Just don’t tell Peggy I don’t want her to try and order in Spanish again.” Hank said.

Bobby poked his head over the fence.

“Dad, can I go to taco bell with you and Mr. Gribble?” he asked.

“Of course you can Bobby, just don’t tell your mother” Hank responded.

The men and Bobby got into Hank’s truck. The drove down the Arlen roads and past Strickland Propane. If there is one thing Hank loved slightly less than sweet lady propane, it was Arlen, Texas.

“I bet Mr. Strickland would love Taco Bell, I’ll bring him some tomorrow” Hank said.

They continued driving until they arrived at the taco bell.

Hank ordered a Baja Blast for everyone in the car and ordered himself a burrito and cinnamon twists for Bobby. The boy was almost vibrating in the back seat with anticipation. The pimply boy in the drive thru window wished them a good evening as they drove away with their contraband.

It was moments like these that made Hank almost jealous of Bobby. Moments of spending time with a father and doing something frivolous like getting drive thru. Hank knew Bobby would be a better man than he ever could be, and a much better man than the man Cotton thought he was. It isn’t war or violence that makes a man, but integrity and character, and Bobby had plenty of it.

“Make sure you drink that before you get home” Hank instructed, “if your mother finds out she will be upset.”

Bobby nodded and finished the drink. The men and Bobby ate in the truck in silence, feeling guilty for hiding the beautiful blasts from their wives.

“Dad, do you think mom will know we got Taco Bell without her?” Bobby asked hesitantly. The boy knew his mother liked to be in control, especially of meals. If Peggy found out, there would be hell today.

“Not if we dispose of the evidence properly,” Hank replied.

Hank pulled in behind Sugarfoot's and put all of the wrappers and empty Baja Blast cups into the Taco Bell Bag. He threw the bag into the dumpster and covered it with garbage.

“If there’s any place to hide evidence, it’s here” Hank mumbled as he got back into the truck.

Dale was already lecturing Bobby about aliens when he got back in.

“You see, Bobby Martians are directly responsible for modern day opossums.”

“Shut up Dale,” Hank interrupted, “look son we need to get our story straight.”

“Dad, I thought you said lying is bad.” Bobby said

Hank hesitated for a second, he should be teaching his son integrity. “It is but this time it was just a treat for you and me. Father son stuff.”

Bobby beamed, “Father son stuff.”

The boy’s smile followed him home where Peggy was waiting outside impatiently.

“Bobby, let me smell your breath” Peggy demanded.

“Peggy, leave the boy alone,” Hank retorted.

“No, Bobby, breath now,” Peggy demanded again.

Bobby hesitantly breathed on his mother, who had a glimpse of recognition that turned to fury.

“YOU WENT TO TACO BELL WITHOUT ME” Peggy fumed.

Bobby and Hank gulped, preparing for a classic Peggy tirade.