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Sasha fiddled with the loose thread on her shirt sleeve. It was cold outside but Carmen had told her to dress "cool" for the party. The one she was coerced into hosting because her house was parentless that weekend.
“I didn’t realize this would get so out of hand.”
Carmen huffed, “Yeah, what’d you expect?”
“I was expecting a laid-back get-together, y’know like everyone in the group chat told me.”
Before Sasha could listen to her best friend spew out a counterargument, she noticed a familiar flash of dark curls and freckles entering her house.
“No, no, no. Who invited him ?”
Carmen turned around, even though she already knew who the him in question was.
“I swear it wasn’t me. It must’ve been one of the guys.”
Sasha was still staring at Oliver with his arm wrapped around his girlfriend’s shoulder as they got closer and closer to the kitchen.
“Are you going to be ok? I can try to—”
“It’s ok. I’m fine. We talk all the time. We’re friends. It’s cool… Hey Oliver!”
Oliver smiled. “Hey, thanks for the invite.”
Carmen looked back and forth unsure of what to make of the situation. A little awkward, most likely.
Sasha giggled, “Well, get comfortable, drinks are over there.”
Oliver’s girlfriend nudged him over to the punchbowl after he smiled in response. The disarming smile she could still see with her eyes shut. The one that she swore had promised her he liked her back.
“This is going to be a long night,” Carmen broke the silence.
Sasha stuttered but then nodded.
Their hands were mere inches apart. If she tried really hard, she could hear his breathing in the dark movie theater. Had it not been for the extremely loud action sequences, she was sure she could.
“I’m sure I could have saved him. Has no one in that universe heard of CPR?” Sasha whispered over to Oliver.
He laughed. A rich, full, belly laugh. The kind you could trade for money and become the wealthiest person on earth. It was comforting amidst the sound of bombs and gunfire.
Carmen snapped her out of her trance, “Stop being such a masochist, Sasha. We don’t have to be hanging out here.”
Oliver had sat down in the living room with his girlfriend, Brooke. The name seemed to match her face. His fingers were tracing circles on her thigh as they talked animatedly about something.
“I bet they’re talking about some uber boring nerd shit.”
Sasha glared at her friend before she continued, “I’m just saying, it’s not worth it.”
“I know. I’m not even looking at them. I’m looking at—” She turned 180° before spotting a distraction, “Those guys getting high on our coffee table!”
Carmen stopped her from her tracks, “Hey, let them. We have tomorrow to clean up.”
“But—”
“Have fun. It’s your party.”
“No, it’s a party you guys wanted to throw at my house. ” She crossed her arms across her chest.
“You need to loosen up.”
“I am.” But it was too late because Carmen was leading her to the pool table.
Oliver sighed. “You’re like a god in the class. Seriously, thanks for helping me.”
“I’m glad I can help someone. I mean, you’re super smart too, I’ve had to ask you for help before.”
“It’s not that hard. But you really help refresh things.”
If it’s not that hard why would he go to her for help? Boy, if Carmen were there, Sasha wouldn’t feel so confused. She could never tell if signals were being thrown or not.
She countered, “You know. You can actually show me your gratitude by watching the movie I told you about.”
“Never. That’s some weird obsession every teenage girl in the 2000s seems to have. Not me.”
“Don’t be so boring. Do it. Ironically . Think of it like this: you’ll be able to understand every reference I, and every other teenage girl, makes from now on.”
He rolled his eyes but a smile crept up on his face. “I’ll pass.”
“I told you, we’d win!” Carmen shouted, a little buzzed from the bottle of liquor being passed around.
Sasha admitted, “Yeah, we did it!”
“I heard. Congrats.” Oliver appeared out of thin air. It was hard keeping him out of her mind if he wasn’t out of her sight.
“Thanks. I mean, it was more Carmen than me.”
“I saw you get more than half of the points.”
Was your girlfriend so boring you were looking at me? Sasha thought to herself.
“Where’s um… Brooke?” She hoped she got the name right.
Oliver pretended to look for her. “She went to the bathroom. Drank too much.”
“And you?”
“I don’t really like that stuff. Besides, I’ve got to drive after.”
“Very responsible of you. Doing what's exactly expected as a chauffeur.”
Oliver laughed. For a second, she felt like the richest person in the world again. They both stared at the ground.
“Well, now you know my friends aren’t part of a cult. Or maybe we are, but that means you’ve joined it too.”
“Nah. You guys are a cult but you’re not as weird as I thought.”
“So at the movies?”
She added, in her head, At the movies? When I was the only one you knew? When we sat together and walked together and talked together? What did you think of me then?
“You hadn’t yet fully proven you weren’t a cult. But it’s fine.”
“It should be fine if you’re willing to hang around.”
“You’re right. It’s not like I came here for the booze.” He shook the bottle of water he was holding.
Suddenly, Carmen’s hand interlocked with hers. “Sasha has to go. She’s very busy with her hostess duties. If you’ll excuse us.”
Sasha awkwardly waved before letting herself get dragged away.
“What was that?” Sasha almost whined.
Carmen stared at her. “There is no point.”
Sasha whispered, “I was being nice. We’re still friends, remember?”
“I’m worried about your feelings.” Sasha found it annoying how quickly Carmen had gotten sober.
“My feelings are okay. And last time I checked, nothing even happened between us.”
“Yeah but—”
Sasha shook her head. “No buts. I hate everyone acting like we broke up or something. He was just a stupid crush.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll let you go back if you want.”
“Let’s just go do something else, but you better drop it.” Sasha felt like a parent lecturing their toddler. It felt stupid.
A stupid crush is what Oliver was. Perhaps, a slight obsession. A slight, stupid obsession that she got over when she found out he was obsessed with someone else. And that someone else had Brooke written all over it. If Carmen was sitting next to them at the theater or walking to the next period with them or noticing their interactions in class she would have told Sasha she was being stupid.
Sasha hated feeling so helpless, at someone else’s mercy. Eager for their next word, their next thought. The same words and thoughts that would leave bruises when they escaped to go to someone else.
But she couldn’t think of that anymore because they had jumped into the freezing pool — rather, Carmen had pushed her into the freezing pool.
“What the fuck?” Sasha shouted. She splashed water at her friend before she jumped in too.
“You needed to loosen up,” Carmen said, handing her a shot of vodka? Tequila? Something she’d regret later. But Carmen was right. How else would she forget everything if she doesn’t allow herself to do so?
She downed the glass of liquid. “I sure as heck am loose now.” It burned her throat and a little fire was raging in her chest, but she was starting not to care.
“This is fun.” Carmen chuckled.
A smile spread across Sasha’s face. “This is cold.”
Before she could shiver in place any more, someone had grabbed Sasha’s legs and raised her out of the water.
“CHICKEN FIGHT.”
As much as she hated being cold and practically naked in the middle of a winter party, it seemed like there was nothing else she could do. If it meant the bruises would get lighter and she’d have no more promises to keep, she was okay with doing just that.
