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He wasn’t expecting this. He remembers he was at the guild. Just talking and trying to smile. But he can’t help but itch his wrists.
His arms hurt. A lot actually. It was newly bandaged, the fresh wrapping around his wrist makes him feel bothered. He remembers he rapidly going inside, going through drawers, trying to find something. Something sharp and shiny.
Without realizing it, he ripped off his bandages, revealing his red slits that was just starting to heal.
What happened after that? In his mind, he remembers seeing his boyfriend in front of him. Widen eyes and gasping at the sight.
He tried everything he could to convince him that he was just injured, a cat scratched him multiple times, or accidentally cut himself with a knife. (Maybe that last excuse wasn’t a great excuse…)
In a flash, a hand grabbed him by his arm and dragged him to a private place.
.
.
.
“Xingqiu, your wrists…”
He gulped. Suddenly, he felt his heart stop and started to pump in anxiety. Oh shit, he is doomed. Did Chongyun found out about secret? No no no please no- no one should, especially Chongyun please-
His mind started to race. In fear. His fingers gripped his sleeves as he desperately tries to cover his arms. “Uh, Chongyun, can we just…”
“Xingqiu.”
A stern but a gentle voice broke out of his racing thoughts. He looked up. Icy, light blue eyes stared right through his amber ones. He felt a shiver down his back.
Slowly, he felt his boyfriends hand grabbing his covered, sleeved one. Chongyuns hand felt soft and cold, his fingers caressing his hand.
“Xingqiu, please, whatever you’re hiding, there must be a reason…”
He instantly shook his head. He can’t know, he doesn’t want him to know, please just please don’t know-
“Chongyun, its-its fine,” He said in a shaky voice, desperately letting him know that everything is just a misunderstanding, a fake, a fraud. But in reality, he doesn’t want him to know.
Chongyun just stared at him. “Xingqiu, whatever it is, I have to know. Please, just let me-“
“You're overreacting! Please just-” He tried to shake off his arm from Chongyuns grip, but he wouldn't let go. He grew frustrated, he can’t believe what he was hearing.
“Xingqiu, just stop using your excuses for once, please.”
This made the Young Master shut up. The sudden snap of his voice made him flinch, his body shaking. The anxiety wouldn’t go away. He felt like a prey being cornered, being caught under the hands on Chongyun. Usually, he didn’t act like this way. He knew, he knew he was good at keeping secrets.
His wrists he harmed on. The scars. He was MEANT to keep that as a secret too. He has too, not even his boyfriend. But its too late, he already found out. And he hate it, he hated it so much-
“Xingqiu, Xingqiu, please, listen to me?”
He halted, holding in his breath. He was waiting until the worst disaster happen right now. But instead, Chongyun traced lines on his palm, holding his hand as if its a fragile thing.
“Xingqiu, listen. I know this is all overwhelming but please…”
Xingqiu blinked. Something felt wet under his eyes. Chongyuns worried expression plastered on his face. “Whatever it is, you… trust me, right?”
Trust him? The common answer would be; Of course, he did. He would do anything for Chongyun. His boyfriend. His best friend. His childhood. Holding hands, going out restaurants, and living together was his forever dream to stay by his side.
But in this case, it was different. It wasn’t a feeling of happiness but of dread. He was afraid that if he didn’t trusted him, then Chongyun would leave him. He never wanted that, he never did.
Drawing a shaky breath, he nodded. “I— of course, I do trust you.” Even saying the words felt like his own tongue betrayed him.
Chongyun worried expression didn’t fade. But nodding, he slowly lifted his left arm and pulled up his sleeve. His pale fingers unwrapping the cloth from his wrist.
Xingqiu rapidly closes his eyes, ignoring the wet feeling under his cheeks. He ignored the feeling of his arm being exposed.