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Ever since Langa was little, he’d find little trinkets in the snow. He’d be snowboarding down a slope when the red string on his pinkie would latch onto something, forcing him to a stop. While his dad zoomed ahead, he’d slowly unclip his feet from his board and waddle over.
At first, it was stuff like soothers or cute spoons with cartoon characters on them.
Later it turned into crayons and drawings.
And now, it was chunks of wood, kneepads, a whole sketchbook, and a LOT of pencils.
* * *
Langa’s string was currently holding up an entire pack of pencil crayons, and by that, he meant a lifetime’s worth. It was crudely held together by a dying elastic band, almost snapping under the pressure of holding almost a hundred pencil crayons together. He knew his soulmate was an artist, but who needed THAT many? And how did they lose all of them???
“Langa?” The teacher called him firmly, “I’ve asked you a question.”
“Huh?” Langa looked at the board, squinting his eyes and reading the math problem, “You need to find X which is the hypotenuse… so you square the other sides and add them together.”
The teacher sighs, “I asked for the answer to this question, Langa.”
“Oh…”
* * *
“Hey, mom…” Langa mumbled, “Why do we have 2 bright pink Okinawa shirts?” He asked.
“You can read the letters!” Nanako exclaimed, “Oh, but I only bought one…? Perhaps one of them is your soulmate’s? Check the size.”
Langa looked at the tags on both the shirts, one was slightly smaller than his shirt size, and the other was Nanako’s size, “Maybe…” He paused.
“We should wear them to surprise your dad tomorrow!” Nanako smiled, clapping her hands together in delight. Langa smiled back, nodding.
“Okay, mom.”
* * *
Oliver Hasegawa, Langa’s father, passed the next day.
Langa threw both of the bright pink shirts across the room, in a fit of anger he stomped on them and tore them apart. Growling in anger he tossed it into his closet and punched a wall.
“Ow…” He wept, “Ow… Ow… that really hurt… dad it hurts a lot… please dad… could you get the bandaids?” The silence that followed was suffocating.
Langa had a mental breakdown; it lasted for 4 weeks.
* * *
Langa lost the shirts, they were torn apart and ripped to shreds, but Langa never meant to lose them… what would his soulmate think? That he got beat up? That he didn’t like it? He hoped that his soulmate would just think they left it somewhere and found it again.
Langa sat on the ground hopelessly, it’s been 4 weeks. He had finally gotten up from his bed to eat a proper breakfast. Despite that, the silence around the house left him in a chokehold.
Langa looked to the box where he kept all of his soulmate’s things. He pulled out their sketchbook. Langa knew that it was invasive to look through people’s sketchbooks without their permission… but Langa tossed that aside.
Opening it, the first thing he saw was large Japanese letters, likely spelling out his soulmate’s name. Around the name, were small doodles of little creatures and skateboards. He flipped the page; more doodles.
From monsters breathing fire to girls on transit, or a boy he recognized from an anime he watched a few episodes of. There was one thing that appeared the most, skateboards. There were almost 20 whole pages with doodles of people riding skateboards. Both girls and guys posing with skateboards, some riding them idly, and some in the midst of doing tricks.
When there weren’t skateboarders, there were skateboards. From different designs to put on the bottom to different shapes and different wheels, with how they’d interact with the world. Langa was so immersed, that it hit him like a brick when he flipped to see the back cover of the sketchbook.
Langa frowned, he really hoped he could meet his soulmate soon… them and their skateboarding seemed very interesting.
* * *
The first week Langa was in Okinawa, he didn’t leave his house. He helped Nanako unpack, cooking from time to time. He took notice of the distinct lack of snowboarding equipment but kept his mouth shut. He was glad that they’d been thrown out, one less thing to think about.
He was walking back upstairs to his new room when he felt a tug on his pinkie finger. He looked at the red string; it led outside underneath the door. Langa took a second to collect himself before opening the door. He shuffled into his sneakers, following the string into a small patch of flowers next door.
Langa took a quick scan for his neighbours and climbed the fence, landing with a small thud as he tugged his string. What came flying out of the bush was an entire skateboard, “W-Huh!?” Langa did a double-take, crouching down and poking at it. It broke apart.
Langa freaked out just a bit, “Oh no- sh… I broke it.” He censored the curse word like his mom was around to hear it. He then untangled his string from the skateboard, grabbing both pieces and tucking them under his arm, climbing back over the fence and going back to work on his resume.
* * *
Reki was a cool person, Langa comes to learn. He drew, he skateboarded, he made skateboards, he introduced him to S, and he was passionate. The sparkle in his eyes lit a fire underneath Langa that he hasn’t felt since he enjoyed snowboarding.
Langa’s not very good at focusing, but he found it was easy to focus on Reki. Reki was interesting , Reki had a lot to say, Reki was cool.
One thing Reki didn’t do, however, was talk about his soulmate.
Langa hadn’t either, so he didn’t comment.
* * *
Reki was probably his soulmate, Langa learns. He’d never really questioned his sexuality before, he never really had crushes either. He thought it would just be something that would burst into his life, but he never had racing thoughts, a fast-beating heart, or nervous jitters. He just felt… warm.
Reki made him feel at home.
And that’s what Langa needed. He didn’t need a soulmate that filled his world with colour, he just needed his best friend who gave him a passion; and so Langa didn’t say anything. Life was perfect as it was… and he was scared that Reki would want something from him that he didn’t have.
* * *
“Hey Langa, why is your underwear in my sketchbook?” Reki asked one day.
“Oh, we’re soulmates. Can I have it back?”
“WE’RE WHAT!?” Reki shouts, drawing his hands up to his face, only to shove Langa’s underwear in his face. He screeches and whips his underwear at Langa. Langa catches it swiftly, shoving it in his backpack before twiddling his thumbs and waiting for Reki to calm down.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Reki hisses.
“Well… you… you like people right?” Langa asks, extremely vaguely.
“Yeah, I like you,” Reki says quietly. Langa’s breath hitches in his throat.
“Reki… I… I don’t- I don’t like you that way and…” Langa bites his lip, “I like you a lot… but I don’t- I don’t think I can like people like you do.” Langa’s scared because Reki’s eyes are glued to him and he’s messing everything up isn’t he?
“Hey- Hey Langa.” Reki sounds hesitant, but his voice is strong. He gets up and reaches toward Langa, hugging him tightly, “You’re my best friend, and I’m very lucky that you are.”
“If you don’t…” Reki draws in a breath, “We can just… become even closer friends.” Reki laughs.
* * *
They did not in fact become closer friends. Instead, their friendship had been strained to the point their bond was close to snapping. When Langa’s string found another item, the string was grey and shrivelled, frayed in many different areas and wrapped loosely around Reki’s homework.
Langa called Reki, “Reki?” He asked quietly, like a loud noise would hurt them.
“Oh hey, Langa, what’s up?” Reki’s voice feigned friendliness.
Langa drew in a breath, “Reki, what’s wrong?” He managed to ask, clutching Reki’s lost homework in his hand.
The other side was silent for what felt like hours, “It’s… What do you mean?” Reki’s voice sounds sad, and Langa’s heart squeezed, “There’s nothing wrong, is that all you called me for?”
“Oh… um, I found your homework.”
“Oh, bring it to school tomorrow.” Reki hung up.
Langa went back to his room to cry a bit, he really did mess everything up.
* * *
Langa went to his mom, “Am I broken?”
Nanako looked startled, “Huh-?” Her thoughts went straight to panic, “W-What do you mean, Langa?” Langa sat down next to her on the floor, grabbing one of the random photos Nanako was sorting through and looking at it to distract himself.
“Is it… about your soulmate?”
“...Yeah.” Langa choked out, “I don’t… I don’t think I can like… I don’t think I can love, mom.” His voice drowned in his throat, as tears threatened to spill over.
Nanako took a long pause. She crossed her legs and thought for a long time, figuring out what to say, “Everyone feels love, Langa.”
Langa bit his lip, ready to rebut that when she continued, “But you mean romantically right?” Nanako’s expression remained unreadable, “Do you love them, Langa? It doesn’t have to be romantic.”
Langa hugs his knees close to his chest, “I… I do.” He mumbles.
“Do you want to kiss them or hold hands?”
Langa shook his head, “No… not especially.”
“So you love them like you love Oliver?” Nanako smiles, “Love comes in many forms Langa. If they want things to be romantic, you have to be clear, you have to be straightforward that you don’t love like that. You love them more than anyone else right? So… show her she’s a lucky girl!”
Langa took in her words for a moment, “What girl?”
“It’s Reki isn’t it?”
“It is.”
Nanako giggles, “I have faith in both of you. That boy loves you a lot, Langa. He’ll take good care of you, no matter how you feel love.”
“Okay… thanks, mom.”
“No matter what happens, I love you okay?”
“I love you too.”
* * *
After Langa gave him his homework, Reki ignores him the whole next day in class, no matter how many times he tries to talk. It got to the point where Reki had run away from him during lunchtime. Langa swallowed a lump in his throat, finding a secluded area and eating alone… loneliness felt suffocating… just like when he lost his dad.
Langa realizes, that if Reki wasn’t ready to talk, he couldn’t force him. He just has to wait, wait for Reki to sort himself out and seek Langa. So, there’s nothing he could do besides being alone and mulling over his words over and over again.
* * *
Reki didn’t come to school today and Langa was becoming increasingly worried. Langa starts to realize, that Reki may never come to him.
Langa skates to Reki’s house and knocks softly on the door. Mrs. Kyan answers the door with a bittersweet smile, “Oh! Hello Langa!” She steps to the side, “Please come inside.”
Langa shakes his head, “Oh, no I can’t… um if you could…” Langa was glad that Reki's mom was the one to answer, he didn’t want to force Reki to face him when he wasn’t ready, “Could you give this to Reki for me? Oh- and his homework.” He holds a folded note and pieces of paper from their classes.
Mrs. Kyan tilts her head like a curious creature, but doesn’t ask, “Oh alright, thank you for visiting Langa! Please come again, Reki’s been so down lately.” She sighs, “Oh! Also, here’s a rice bun! I hear your mom really likes them.”
Langa smiles, trading the papers with the rice bun, “Thank you, Mrs. Kyan.”
* * *
Langa receives a text as soon as he gets home.
Reki 9:34:
Hey Langa, sorry for avoiding u , u realize u coulda texted me right?
Langa H. 9:34:
U had me blocked Reki,, also ur forgiven,,, I wasn’t rlly ever mad
Reki 9:35:
Lol yea ur right
So,, about ur note
U really aren’t rejecting me?
Langa H. 9:36:
Rejecting u??
No I never rejected u Reki
I love u a lot reki and I want a relationship w/ u
I just,, I don’t feel romanbce
*romance
It’s like I want to spend time w/ u and hang out
But I don’t want to,, kiss and stuff???
I’ve only thought abt this when I met you so it’s hard
Idk what labels I identify with and what I feel isn’t rlly clear to me either????
But I love u Reki even if it isn’t romantic love
Reki 9:40:
Oh
Langa I
Langa get oot and go to the sk8park
*out
Bring ur sk8bord
* * *
He arrived a couple of minutes later on his skateboard. Reki’s sitting on the bike racks, clutching his skateboard with a grip so tight his knuckles were white.
“Hey, Reki,” Langa said.
Reki didn’t turn to face him, instead, he stared at the stars, swinging his legs back and forth. Langa took the silence as an invitation to walk forward, leaning against the bike rack next to him.
“I thought… I thought my soulmate hated me.”
“What?”
“Sh… Shut up, Langa.” Reki’s voice drowned before he cleared his throat and continued, “There was one time, that I had lost my shirt… only to find the next day it had been torn up and stomped on.” Reki hit his forehead against the nose of his skateboard.
“And, when I found you… I fell in love with you Langa. Romantically.” Reki’s eyes wandered everywhere but Langa as he hugged his skateboard close to his chest like it was his lifeline, “I didn’t even think up the possibility that we were soulmates… because you like me, you’re my best friend… and my soulmate, they hate me.”
“I didn’t even consider what you meant when you told me.” Reki murmured in regret, “The only thing I heard was that you hated me. That you’d never love me.” Reki hopped off the bike rack and turned to Langa.
“I might not love you in the way you love me, but I love you… a LOT and I will never force you to do something for me that you don’t want to do. So… Langa, I don’t care what kind of love it is, but I want to be us again. Reki and Langa, you and me, best friends, and… well you probably don’t want lovers do you?”
Langa lunges forward and hugs Reki as tightly as he can, holding him like he would lose him again if he let go, “We may not be lovers, but I love you Reki. Please, I can’t lose you again. To me, you are Reki someone who I can’t lose . You’re the most important person to me in the world. You aren’t just a lover, a friend, or a family member, it’s just you Reki.”
Reki weeps into his shoulder.
* * *
“So like, I’m your lover in some way shape or form?” Reki asks, lying down on the cement, head touching Langa’s as they gazed up into the stars after some very emotional skateboarding.
“Yeah, something like that. You’re wonderful Reki.” Langa smiles, “I just… kissing is really gross.” Reki laughs.
“You know, I always thought I’d be having ice cream dates with a girl and looking into her eyes dreamily… but my soulmate just being like… the ultimate best friend is… a lot more appealing than I thought it’d be.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“We can still go have ice cream together.”
“I’ll make Cherry pay or something, this week has just been so much emotional turmoil I might puke if I pay.”
Langa laughs brightly, and thanks his mom mentally, everything was okay, and Reki was going to take good care of him… he sure as hell was going to take good care of Reki too.