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Chapter Text

Nicholas wasn't paying much attention to what was going on at the gate. He had been gardening before the rain started coming down, and was fetching an umbrella when Number Two spotted the figure hurrying through the rain. When he heard the creaky, soft voice of a child, though, his ears perked up. "--Nicholas Benedict, please, I need to know, does he live here?" and the child sounded so desperate, so broken-down, that Nicholas walked out into the rain with the umbrella, despite Number Two's protests.

"Hello," he said to the young boy, who couldn't be older than twelve. "I'm Nicholas Benedict. Is there something I can help you with, young man?"

The boy was shivering, and pale as a ghost as Nicholas walked up. "My name...uh...my name is SQ. I think...no...I know I'm your nephew."

The resulting spill Nicholas took caused the boy--his nephew--to make a startled noise and start apologizing profusely, shaking like he might cry. "It's okay, he does that sometimes," Number Two said, but her voice betrayed her unease at the boy.

Nicholas jumped with a start and held the umbrella over the boy's head. "Now, now, there's no use in all of us getting so wet out here, is there? Why don't we all go inside?"

"Sir--" Number Two started, but Nicholas levelled her with a stare. She sighed. "Respectfully, sir, you don't have any siblings!"

Nicholas gave her a pained look. "That's not exactly true," he said, ushering the boy inside.

Number Two stared at him, jaw agape. "You have...?! And you never told us?!"

"Who...who's us?" the boy asked in a creaky voice.

Rhonda stepped into the front of the maze, saying, "Oh thank god, we were starting to worry--who is this?" Rhonda asked.

Nicholas cleared his throat. "Well, there's an awful lot of questions to be had, I'm sure, so let's start with the simple ones. Rhonda, this is SQ. Number Two, Rhonda...I have a twin brother. Who, apparently, had a son."

"I'm adopted," SQ said softly. "If that matters at all."

"It might become pertinent later, so thank you," Nicholas said.

"I'm sorry, you have a brother?! And you never mentioned him?!" Rhonda asked.

"Some heartbreaks are simply too strong," Nicholas said softly.

SQ looked like he might cry. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't realize you might already have a family. I can...I can find another place to go..."

"Nonsense, dear boy, we're happy to set a fifth place at the table," Nicholas said, with a pointed glance at Number Two and Rhonda. "Isn't that right, you two?"

"Sir--" Number Two said. At Nicholas' warning glance, she said, "--We don't even know if he has any food allergies!"

"Do you? Have any allergies?" Nicholas asked SQ.

SQ considered, shook his head. "I don't believe so," he said. "Sorry, words feel like glass in my throat."

"Oh, then don't speak, sweet boy. We'll get you some water. Here, I'll guide you through the maze."

SQ looked around the maze in wonder, but Nicholas didn't fail to notice his flinches every time Nicholas had to touch him to guide him through the maze. Nicholas was jumping to the worst conclusions, left right and center. When they got to the kitchen, and Number Two had poured SQ a glass of water, SQ started drinking it slowly. Nicholas wanted to pounce on him with questions, but admitted he couldn't exactly bombard the boy with too much information at once. "May I ask why you came here, dear boy?" Nicholas asked, when SQ had downed the entire glass of water. "Is my brother all right?"

Swallowing thickly, SQ sent Nicholas an anxious glance. "I...um...he...that is..." SQ took a deep breath and forced out, "He's alive. Probably will look for me eventually. But I don't wanna go back to him."

Nicholas braced himself against the counter. "May I...may I ask why?"

SQ looked like he might cry, his lower lip trembled and his eyes darted to the floor. "Do I have to answer?" he asked, his voice cracking and thick.

"Not tonight, not if you don't want to," Nicholas reassured him. "But eventually, we have to know. If for no other reason than if my brother comes looking for you. We'll need to know if we can send you back."

SQ's eyes widened and a few tears fell at that statement. "Please don't!" he exclaimed. "Please! I'll do anything!"

Nicholas lost his grip on the counter and Number Two barely caught him. Again, SQ started apologizing profusely, his voice shaky and tears slipping down his face. "Stop apologizing," Number Two said, perhaps a bit too sharply. SQ's mouth closed with a click. He flinched like he expected a slap.

"Number Two," Nicholas said when he could speak again. "Don't treat our young guest like that. He's clearly been through more than enough already. It's early evening, you make dinner, and I'll take my nephew here to the study, where we can talk privately."

Number Two and Rhonda both protested that, but Nicholas held up a hand. "I'll sit on the floor, and I'll ensure he's not a danger to himself or myself, and we'll simply have a nice chat. Isn't that right, SQ?"

SQ nodded mutely. Nicholas led him to the study, where Milligan was sitting, reading. "Milligan, can you give us a minute?"

Milligan glanced up from his book. "You weren't running a test today." It wasn't a question.

"No, I wasn't," Nicholas said. "It appears I have a nephew, and I have a great many questions to ask him."

Milligan's eyebrows raised. "I should have expected you to have a sibling of some sort," he mused. "You have that sort of energy. Do you need me to search him?"

SQ shuffled closer to Nicholas and he said, "I don't believe that will be necessary, Milligan, but thank you."

Milligan nodded, left the room, and closed the door. Nicholas sat on the floor against a desk, and SQ sat across from him, likewise on the floor but up against a couch. "So. SQ. Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"

SQ cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I'm...I'm eleven, about to be twelve. My birthday is in two weeks. Um...I like the color blue, and birds. But like, sky blue, not the deep blues Dad has all over his office. His sense of decoration is...weird, to me." SQ looked around in wonder at all the books in the study. "Are these all yours?"

"Yes," Nicholas said. "And you're welcome to read them once we get you situated. Is there anything else I should know about you?"

SQ considered the question and tilted his head to the side, not unlike a bird himself. "I...I don't like talking. I'm sorry if that's a problem, Dad always says I need to speak up more and communicate my needs clearly but words always hurt like glass in my throat, no matter how much water I drink, and I can make myself because I know people need to know, I'm really sorry if I get too quiet--" he stopped when Nicholas held up a hand. "Sorry," he murmured.

"My dear," Nicholas said, "You have nothing to be sorry for. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, although alternative means of communication might take a day or two to adjust to, and we might have to try several methods before we find one that works."

SQ looked like he might cry. "You're so nice," he said with a small sense of wonder, and Nicholas wanted to strangle his brother at that statement. "You're so impossibly nice, and you look so much like him. I was worried...I was worried you'd be like him, and send me back. But you're not."

"What was he like? My brother?" Nicholas asked.

SQ turned red. "I'm sorry. I don't want to speak badly of him..."

"My dear," Nicholas said softly. "You ran away from god knows where, found me in a little tucked-away pocket of Stonetown, simply so you could get a moment's respite from my brother. I know he won't have warranted such action over something small, or something nice. What did he do?"

SQ's eyes drifted away. "I...I can't always remember. Like...I know I should, but I can't. He's mostly...mostly neutral to me, I guess. He treats me like any other student, most of the time. But he sometimes gives me special privileges that the other kids don't get, so I guess I'm not just another student."

"Student?" Nicholas asked.

"O-oh. You didn't know...he runs a school. A boarding school. He's the headmaster," SQ said. "And he mostly treats me like the others. Slightly pesky, but ultimately useful, and necessary. A part of life. And I don't mind, most of the time, you know? Because he's...he's a good guy. But I guess...I guess he's not always, because I did run away...from him."

"Was it because of something he did?" Nicholas asked curiously, tilting his head to the side.

SQ turned exceedingly uncomfortable, and Nicholas dismissed the question with a, "Forget I asked. We don't have to go into that tonight."

The thankful look he got in return for that made Nicholas' heart ache. What exactly had his brother done to this boy, to warrant such action? To warrant such a strong response of fear for every misstep, perceived or actual? It couldn't have been anything good. Nicholas stood as there was a knock at the door. "Dinner is ready," Number Two said, opening the door. "And we have enough for five."

SQ gave Nicholas a small smile as they walked out of the room, and Nicholas smiled back. This child, so small and yet so smart, and kind, made Nicholas' heart melt. He knew whatever happened, he wouldn't be giving his nephew back without first giving his brother a very stern talking to. God, Nathaniel, Nicholas thought. You never were one for doing things halfway.

As they entered the dining room, SQ hesitantly took a seat next to Nicholas. Rhonda, Number Two, and Milligan were all appraising him. He shrank somewhat in his seat and Nicholas cleared his throat. "If we could not stare at my nephew for the entirety of dinner, that would be much appreciated," Nicholas said.

"...Are we going to speak about this situation?" Milligan asked after everyone had started to eat.

"What situation?" Nicholas asked calmly, taking a long sip of water.

"Sir. There is a small child practically clinging to your coat, claiming to be the son of a brother you never told us about. That qualifies as a 'situation,'" Milligan pressed.

Nicholas sighed, a short burst of irritated air, and SQ flinched. Nicholas spared him a glance before clenching and releasing his fists. "Milligan," he said. "I am very aware all of you are curious. However, I don't wish to overwhelm SQ. I barely know his story, and I don't wish to pry and make him uncomfortable. I can explain what happened between me and my brother later, when SQ is taken care of and resting for the night, because god knows he doesn't need to be subjected to that emotional response--"

"--My dad spoke of you, sometimes," SQ interrupted, before clamping a hand over his mouth in shock. "Sorry," he mumbled into his hand.

"No, no, please," Nicholas said, slowly extricating SQ's hand from his face. "What did he say?"

SQ turned uncomfortable. "I'm not sure I should say," he said slowly. "But...if you really wanna know...he said you betrayed him. That you abandoned him at his most vulnerable. That..." SQ's voice broke. "That he hated you for it. That he never forgave you, and never forgot."

Nicholas swayed in his seat. "Mm, sounds about right," he said, taking deep, measured breaths. He didn't want to collapse into his food.

"Sir, I sincerely doubt that whatever happened is as egregious as your brother made it out to be," Number Two interjected.

"No, I'm afraid it is," Nicholas said. "But like I said. I don't want to subject SQ to all of that. Even if you know, dear boy, you don't need to be reminded," he added, as SQ opened his mouth to speak. "Don't try and squirm into it."

"I think he was lying," SQ said. "He lied about a great many things, sir. Even if you two got in some form of fight, or altercation? I doubt it was as bad as he made it out to be." He looked down. "Come to think of it, he probably thinks the same of me, now..."

Nicholas didn't know how to reply. "My dear..." he shook his head. "I can't imagine that he would think that way of someone he cared about."

"Did he care about you? Once upon a time?" SQ challenged, unshed tears in his eyes.

"...Yes, he did. But he had years to be angry against me. You've been gone from him, for what, a week?" Nicholas said.

"...Two days," SQ said. "It's been two days. And I heard the sirens from the island after I left on the boat, so I know he's looking for me. If he doesn't know I'm not on the island now, he will soon. And he'll come looking for me, and scold me, and he might even send me to the Waiting Room over this, and I could be locked in there for days, and I really, really don't wanna be there, so he knows it'll make me crack, and when I'm finally good and broken he'll give me one of his speeches about how I'm ungrateful and don't deserve him and--" SQ pressed a shaking fist to his mouth. Tears fell down his face. "He's gonna hate me!" he wailed.

Nicholas tried to parse through all that information. A headmaster of a school, an island, he didn't know what the hell the Waiting Room was and he was terrified of finding out. But the horrifying realization dawned on him as he looked at SQ. "You said you came from an island? Was it the one in Stonetown Harbor?"

SQ nodded, sniffling. "I didn't wanna run too far away," he said. "I realized you were close and took my chance. Why?"

Nicholas started to shake, himself. His brother. The messages. The children in the television and radio. It all made horrifying sense in painful clarity. His brother was the Sender. His brother...was using the schoolchildren to send the secret messages in the television, in the radio. "Don't worry, my dear. I just needed to know when we could expect company in the form of a search party," Nicholas lied. "And I'm sure your father won't hate you. We'll keep you safe from him for as long as it takes for him to calm down, and when he's calm, and can communicate to us properly, like adults, we'll talk to him about where you'd like to live."

Number Two and Rhonda looked at him with urgency in their eyes, the silent question in them clear as SQ buried his face in Nicholas' side. Milligan was just a step behind them, before he grew more morose than usual as he looked at Nicholas. Nicholas, solemnly, nodded. He knew it. His brother was the Sender, there was no doubt about it. But what could he do now? It was very clear that SQ was terrified of the man. Nicholas couldn't go to the island and confront him without being captured and only god knows what happening to him. He needed to be here for his nephew, and he needed to alert the authorities that the Sender was real, but he needed proof for that, proof that he didn't have. SQ might have an inkling of where to get that proof, without realizing it, but Nicholas was not going to traumatize that boy further if he could help it.

When the last of SQ's tears had dried, he returned to his food, finishing it like he was starving (for all Nicholas knew, he was,) and asked, "May I be excused?"

Number Two stood, taking his plate. "Do you want any seconds?" she offered. "There's no pressure if you don't want them, but I figured I should ask."

"I'm...a little hungry, but not enough for a second helping," SQ said. "I should be fine until morning, ma'am."

Number Two nodded doubtfully. "If you're sure...and there's no need to be so formal. You may call me Number Two, if you wish."

"I...would rather everything stay formal, for now, ma'am," SQ said. "I would really like to peruse the study again."

"Of course you may go, dear boy. We'll be here if you have any questions or concerns," Nicholas said with a small smile at SQ. When the boy dashed off, Nicholas pushed his plat away, finding himself suddenly devoid of an appetite.

"The boy--" Milligan started.

"Your brother--" Rhonda added.

"The Sender--!" Number Two insisted in a hushed shout.

Nicholas held up a hand and the table fell silent. He looked at them with unshed tears in his eyes. "My brother...my brother is going to be a complication in our plans," Nicholas said. "But we still must find a way to stop the Emergency. We just cannot allow my nephew to be known by my brother. If he stays here, we can make sure he's taken care of properly. You saw him, saw the way he apologized. There's no doubt in my mind that some form of abuse was going on."

"Oh yes," Number Two said, face puckering like she had tasted a particularly bitter lemon. "I'm afraid my anger got the better of me when I told him to stop apologizing, but the thought that a child would need to be so afraid of his very existence that he apologizes for everything he does and needs...I cannot sit idly by."

"Nor can I," Rhonda said. "First thing tomorrow we must make sure he can obtain clothes, some personal toiletries, and we must, of course, set up a room for him. There is no question that he's staying here."

"Of course, going out poses some security concerns," Milligan pointed out. "I agree that we need to find his sizes and buy some clothes, but would it be better to keep him here?"

"We're just sitting ducks in this house!" Rhonda exclaimed. "If SQ found us, found out about Nicholas through whatever means he did...that means that Nicholas' brother knows where we are, too. We must relocate. There is no doubt in my mind that sooner or later, the cavalry will show up here and we'll all be captured."

"But therein lies another problem," Number Two said. "How are we to relocate with SQ? I understand his life has been turned upside down already, but would moving not just distress him further? How is he supposed to feel safe from his father if we have to constantly move to avoid him?!"

Nicholas took in all this information and sighed. "SQ? Can you please come in?" he called down the hallway.

The boy guiltily shuffled forward, a crumpled piece of paper in his hands. "I'm sorry," he said. "I wasn't meaning to eavesdrop, I just remembered something important, and didn't want to forget, and then I realized you were talking about me, and..."

"Nothing to be sorry about, dear boy, it's only natural you'd be curious," Nicholas reassured him. "What do you have in your hand?"

"The something important," SQ said. He passed it over to Nicholas, who opened it up and realized what it was as SQ spoke. "I would never have memorized the address, so I tore it from Dad's journal. He might have it memorized, so I don't know how safe we are, but at the very least, he can't find it referenced in his book."

Nicholas sagged into his chair. "This is very important, SQ, you are correct," he said with a weak smile at the boy.

"Who's the Sender?" SQ asked.

Nicholas flinched. "It's a long, complicated story, I'm afraid," he said. "And one that will only serve to distress you, I fear."

"I heard you talking about my dad, saying he abused me," SQ said, gripping one of his arms with the other in a vice. He looked so small, so uncertain, so afraid, that Nicholas thought he might have a cataplexy attack there and then. "He didn't hit me, though. And he didn't...didn't touch me like that. So he couldn't have abused me. Right?"

"My dear boy, there is more than physical and sexual abuse in the world, I'm afraid," Nicholas said delicately. "And the fact that you can't remember a lot of your father's bad days...what caused you to run away...I suspect that one of the other forms of abuse may have been used."

"What are they?" SQ asked.

"The other forms?" Nicholas asked, looking supremely uncomfortable. "Well, there are many. Financial, emotional, religious. Neglect is also a form of abuse."

SQ, to Nicholas' shock, laughed. "There's no way!" he exclaimed. "Neglect isn't abuse! Neglect is when everything is quiet and I don't have to worry! It means Dad is busy and he can't hurt me with words and glares and loud noises."

Nicholas swallowed, took measured breaths, and he still fell into the table from cataplexy. SQ practically leapt from his skin. "Ah! I'm sorry!" he exclaimed.

"It's all right," Rhonda said. "His narcolepsy acts up when he's highly emotional. And today has been a long day for all of us."

Nicholas forced himself to sit up, rubbing his head where it ached from colliding with the table. "I'm afraid neglect is a form of abuse, dear boy," he said softly. "Just because it was the best time for your safety, doesn't mean it wasn't still hazardous to your safety. After all, if you got injured, or sick, and your father neglected you, your condition could worsen significantly. And that constitutes abuse."

"Oh," SQ said, in a soft, horrified voice. "Oh, no." He looked up at Nicholas, lost and afraid. "Does that mean...does that mean I was bad? After all, Dad said all that stuff was for my own good, and I know he lies a lot, but if I had been good he wouldn't have had a reason to do that stuff, right? The reason he abused me is because I was bad. Right?"

Nicholas fought back angry, no, rageful tears as he choked out, "You did nothing wrong, understand me? You may have broken rules, or you may have done something disrespectful. You could have spray-painted your father's office bright yellow for all I care. No one. Deserves. Abuse. What your father did to you? Was wrong. Full stop."

"...Do you think he's that Sender person? That word had so much hatred and sadness behind it...like the way you reacted when I asked you about the abuse...are they linked?"

"That's not something I want you to worry about, SQ," Nicholas said.

"So that's a yes," SQ said, shrewd eyes peering up at him. SQ coughed. "Sorry. So many words today. It's tiring."

Nicholas leapt on the chance. "Then perhaps we should get you ready for bed, hm? There's no use distressing you further tonight. We can answer your questions in the morning, sound good?"

"You should know I'll keep pestering you about the information until you give it to me," SQ said knowingly. "Dad liked to get me in trouble for that. And he found it annoying, but it was also incredibly useful for me. I got lots of answers to things I wasn't supposed to know just by being annoying about it. Sure, the information was often yelled at me, but..." SQ shrugged. "...I still got it. And in the end, that's what matters."

Nicholas stood shakily. "I understand you may want to stay up, dear boy, but how about you pick a book from the study to read and then we set you up in a room for the night? We can get you fresh clothes and toiletries and such tomorrow morning so you can shower then. For tonight, I think you just deserve a place to sleep without worry."

SQ looked mystified. "You genuinely care about those things!" he whispered in hushed awe.

"Yes, I do," Nicholas said with a weak smile. "And I'm so sorry that your father didn't."

SQ nodded. "It's okay. We don't have to ruin the moment by bringing him up."

Nicholas barked a startled laugh and nearly collapsed on top of SQ. He would have, in fact, if it hadn't been for Milligan's swift reflexes. SQ backed up until he was out of range of Nicholas collapsing on him again, and when Nicholas came back, he was stifling giggles. "Yes, let's get you a book, and get you a room. My brother doesn't have to factor into the equation for you tonight at all."

Chapter Text

As soon as SQ was set up in a room with a book and a glass of water, Nicholas kissed SQ's forehead and left the room. He was immediately cornered by Rhonda, Number Two, and Milligan, who were hissing questions at him as Nicholas closed SQ's door. "Perhaps we should discuss this where SQ is not able to listen in?" he suggested.

"Fine. To the study," Number Two said, practically frog-marching Nicholas to the room in question, at which point he was gently but firmly coerced onto the couch, and Number Two began frantically pacing in front of him. Rhonda stood to his right, arms crossed and her head shaking in disbelief. Milligan stood behind them, guarding sentry at the entrance of the study. "Your brother!" Number Two exclaimed. "And you never told us!"

Nicholas resisted the urge to squirm. "It was a complicated and messy goodbye," Nicholas said. "I didn't wish to discuss it, and it never came up in conversation, so I simply...didn't mention it."

"Sir, you do realize the security risks this poses?!" Number Two exclaimed. "Your brother knows about you, knows our location, and according to your nephew, still holds a grudge! What even happened?!"

Rhonda shook her head again. "I can't believe it," she said softly. Her eyes shone with hurt. "You never even told us in passing! A brother! A twin!"

Nicholas took a deep breath, then another. "There was a family who came to the orphanage, looking for someone to adopt," he said softly. "They only had room for one, but they took a shining to me. I...I had no choice, the adults had made that abundantly clear. I had to say goodbye to my brother. I promised I'd come back for him, but when I finally could, he had gone. Run away. And no one had a clue where he went. Like I said, some heartbreaks are simply too great."

"Sir," Milligan said from behind him. "Is that...all that happened?"

"What do you mean?" Nicholas asked. "I got adopted and he didn't!"

"I understand," Milligan said. "And while separating twins doesn't seem like the wisest move in the world, that is hardly an unforgivable sin. You said yourself: the adults made it clear you had no choice. That's not an act of cruelty, it's an act of survival. One that can hardly be blamed on you."

Nicholas stammered, "No, no, but you see, you see..."

"I think we see clearer than you do," Rhonda said softly. "Yes, I am sure both of you were hurt by the separation. But there has to be more than that simple instance of pain to lead your brother to become the Sender. We both know that you see that as your fault."

"I never said--"

"--You didn't have to," Number Two interrupted. "We know you."

Nicholas turned quiet, introspective. What if they had a point? They so often did. But, if they were right...that would mean his brother was holding a grudge all these years for something that could be talked through over a cup of coffee and some tissues. What could have been over and done with in an afternoon or three, but wasn't, because his brother knew where he was and simply refused to reach out. And Nicholas found that a far more egregious break of the unspoken code of society than the breaking of his code for family. That would mean his brother was truly...truly mad. In the furious sense and the unhinged sense. "If it wasn't my fault..." he said slowly, voicing what he was scared to even think, "...What does that say about my brother?"

The other three all looked at a loss. "I mean..." Number Two floundered. "I suppose it would mean..."

"Rip the band-aid off," a new voice advised from the doorway.

Everyone jumped, even Milligan. SQ stood there, looking pale and shaky.

"Rip it off," he repeated. "It means my dad's not a good person. I already suspected that, and I know you all did too if you think he's this...this Sender person. And I know I won't get an explanation for that tonight," he added as Nicholas opened his mouth to speak. "I didn't come here with questions. I just...found my voice for a brief moment, and wanted to thank you. All of you. For being so kind." He blushed and murmured, "And thank you for the forehead kiss. It made me feel loved in a way I haven't felt in such a long time."

Nicholas could feel cataplexy coming on fast again, and he said, "Of course, dear boy. It's not a question letting you stay here. You deserve to be in a place where you feel truly safe. I just wish that my brother could have offered you that place, as well. Not to say I'm not happy to meet you; I am. I just wish that everything were a little less complicated in this situation. But that is not your fault."

SQ nodded. "I think I understand," he said, before he opened his mouth to speak again, and closing it with a frustrated huff and a wince.

Nicholas stood, scrambling for a notepad and a pen. "Here we go," he said, passing them to SQ. "If it pains you to talk, you can write."

SQ nodded again. Just because I landed at your doorstep doesn't mean I'm a burden to you. And you're not upset with me; you're upset with my dad for making me feel I had to run.

"Precisely," Nicholas said, ruffling SQ's hair. "Is there anything else you wished to say? Or should I send you off to bed again?"

SQ grinned, a brilliant, care-free thing that made Nicholas' heart stop. He hugged Nicholas tightly, and Nicholas, moved, gently wrapped his arms around SQ. SQ pulled apart from the hug, and made a sign with his hand. The middle and ring fingers on his hand were pressed against his palm, but the other three fingers were outstretched. Nicholas couldn't use a lot of sign language--he was very rusty after having not talked to Violet for a long time in person--but he remembered the signs themselves, and especially this one. I love you. He choked up. "I love you too, dear boy. Have a good night."

With that, the boy left, presumably to finish reading his book and go to bed. Nicholas' knees buckled and Number Two and Rhonda were on him in an instant. "Sir, please sit down," Number Two said. "If for no one else's sake, than ours."

Nicholas took a shaky breath. "He's...he feels safer here than with his own father...and I can't...I can't imagine...what he must have been through," he started to cry as he said, "What does that mean my brother did to him?"

"Conjecture will get us nowhere," Number Two said. As she guided him to the couch. "And back to our previous conversation: what your brother's behavior says of him is that he is a deeply troubled individual. It is not based on anything you or anyone else has done against him, any perceived or actual slight. I believe that even if you had grown up alongside him, he would have eventually pushed you away to pursue something of this ilk. You would have refused to join his team, and therefore he would make you an enemy and a villain in his eyes anyway."

Nicholas sighed shakily. He knew she was right. He knew that Nathaniel always had problems. They weren't always quite as outspoken as they were clearly presenting now, but Nathaniel never had quite the proper responses in certain situations. He always snapped a little too soon, always assuming someone was out to get him. He didn't understand why so many of the new orphans at older ages had to grieve their loss of family. He always insisted that it didn't matter how their parents left; they were gone now and the children needed to grow up and get over it. Nicholas would always have to apologize for Nathaniel's callousness, lest he be ostracized from the other children as well. As it was, Nicholas most often had his hair mussed up so that the children could tell him apart from Nathaniel and wouldn't send him away the moment he tried to engage with them. They still found him an odd duck, but at least he was able to spend time with them that way. Nathaniel never received, nor wanted, that luxury. And without Nicholas there in his adolescence, he never learned how to feel empathy towards others in situations he didn't understand.

He shook himself free from his reverie and said, "We still have to figure out where we go from here. What we tell SQ in the morning about the Sender. About his father."

"We will," Rhonda said. "Is there anything we shouldn't tell him? He seems to understand that his father is a...rather vile character, but is there anything about the Emergency that we shouldn't inform him about?"

"Well, we know the messages are leading up to something big, a shift in the public's eyes," Nicholas said. "But I'm a bit wary of introducing that concept to SQ. While he might have information that would let us know what this shift is, it is also entirely possible he'll have some major concerns when he realizes whatever his father is up to, and what his next steps are. And we don't need a panicked eleven-about-to-be-twelve-year-old on our hands."

"I agree we should work to avoid panic attacks," Number Two mused. "But I am not sure if we know him well enough to avoid those triggers."

"We'll avoid the major ones, at any rate," Nicholas said with certainty. "And if we stumble across one we didn't know of, we'll make a note of it and avoid it in the future."

"You said almost twelve?" Milligan asked.

"He said his birthday is in two weeks," Nicholas confirmed. "Why?"

Milligan shrugged. "Perhaps a small celebration is in order."

"Oh!" Nicholas exclaimed, a grin breaking out on his face as he clapped his hands together. "Yes! That sounds positively delightful!"

Milligan nodded. "We can discuss the Emergency with SQ, and then when he has no more questions, we can change the topic to lighter subjects, like his upcoming birthday."

Nicholas nodded. "That sounds perfect! You're correct, Milligan, as always! I'm certain that could help SQ, and he might even feel more at home--or at least at ease--because of it!"

The distinction between at home and at ease was not lost on any of them, and the mood dampened some despite themselves. "He's going to have a long road ahead of him," Nicholas said forlornly.

"As do all of us," Number Two rightfully pointed out. "This adjustment period will be rocky, but ultimately, beneficial."

"I know," Nicholas said with force. "It doesn't mean that I'm not scared upon his behalf. Nor does it mean that I'm looking forward to the steps backward we have to take before we can move forward again. I don't want him to have to suffer. I wish...I wish he didn't feel like he needed to come here in the first place! Oh, of course, I'm glad he's here, and that I know about him, but why did he have to suffer so in order to get to this point? Why couldn't...why couldn't my brother be a decent human being?! Why did he have to abuse his own child?!" Nicholas was crying, but he found he didn't care. "It's just...just...!" And cataplexy kicked in.

"Oh dear," Rhonda said, catching Nicholas before his head rammed into the armrest, which had wood inside it and not a lot of stuffing left to pad it. "This is going to be happening a lot more frequently, I fear."

Number Two and Milligan murmured their agreement.

Nicholas struggled to force himself into an upright position, but the cataplexy certainly wasn't going easy on him. "God," he breathed. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Perhaps you should go to bed for the night, sir," Number Two suggested. "We can continue to figure out what to tell SQ in the morning, before he wakes up."

Nicholas shook his head, curls swaying into his face slightly. He pushed them back. "No, I need to figure that out tonight. There's no telling how early SQ will wake up."

They all shared glances. There was so much about this boy that they simply didn't know. Nicholas stood abruptly, heading to the secret passage leading to their observation room. "Sir--" Number Two started to say, but Nicholas waved her off.

"I need to know," Nicholas said. "I need to know if the transmissions have changed since SQ left."

"What are you thinking?" Rhonda asked. "That he might be adding messages in order to persuade his son to come home?"

"If he is, it will only be all the more distressing when we tell SQ tomorrow about the messages," Nicholas said. "I need to know if he's changed anything."

He flipped the correct switches and turned the dials until they could hear the messages. "The missing aren't missing, they're merely departed," the message said. "Brush your teeth and kill the germs, poison apples, poison worms."

"There appears to be no--" Number Two started, but paused as Nicholas tilted his head to the side. He could hear something.

He changed frequencies.

"SQ, come home," the voice said. It sounded sweet, almost dulcet. Nicholas recognized it as Nathaniel's immediately.

Despite the apparent friendliness, Nicholas could hear the stony tone underneath, the hardened command. It was a subliminal message sent by an adult, which Nicholas found strange. Children's thoughts were far less obtrusive...but this was for one specific individual. SQ. And the soft, sweet, friendly tone must have been the tone Nathaniel used when SQ was being praised. It wasn't a message for the whole world. It was a message meant from a father to his son. It was a message that would resonate with SQ specifically, and the tone was every bit as important, and soft-spoken, and calm, as possible. If it came from his father, it would carry more weight. Even if the message could not be heard without the correct technology, it wouldn't be accepted by minds that it wasn't meant for. But for a small, impressionable child, feeling uneasy and lost, the voice would be exactly what he needed to hear in order to break his resolve.

Nicholas' face was grim as he looked at the others. "That's him," he said softly. "What's more, the signal could very well work on SQ. If we're not exceedingly careful, he'll go running back to his father the first chance he gets."

"The stores always play easy-listening music through the radio," Rhonda said worriedly. "We have to tell him about the messages first thing in the morning, and then keep a close eye on him when he's out and about. If he runs off, we may never find him again. If he goes back to his father, that will only make matters worse."

"If he runs back to his father after we show him what we know, it's game over," Milligan pointed out. "Should we show him this new frequency, to alert him to it as well?"

Nicholas hesitated. "It would probably be the most prudent choice to ensure that he's not swayed by the messages unexpectedly when he inevitably has to hear the radio or television," he said slowly. "But...this particular voice Nathaniel is using...it leaves me worried that SQ will want to return immediately. Even if it doesn't sound particularly lost, or broken, the guilt SQ must feel at running away might make him hear that when it's not there."

"Not to mention, that if he realizes his father is sending messages for him to come home, he might see it as risking his entire mission to ensure his son is okay," Number Two added. "We can't allow him to run off back to that evil machinator, however."

"Agreed," Nicholas sighed. "Which is why this is such a very difficult situation we find ourselves in."

Milligan stared at the floor, before looking up. "I fear...we may simply have to trust him," Milligan said. "We have to trust that SQ won't run when we inform him of this information. It will be a risk, yes. But it is one we must take if we ever want SQ to trust us."

Nicholas nodded gravely. "I fear you are right," he said slowly, hesitantly. "I don't look forward to it, but I think we must show him. If for no other reason, than so that he is prepared when we depart and come across something that will be broadcasting the message."

None of the adults looked particularly heartened by this development. "What if he figures out something big is coming?" Rhonda asked. "After all, it is safe to assume that creating the Emergency is not something his father would do for fun."

"If he figures that out, we might gently question him about what he knows," Nicholas said. "And if he doesn't know anything, well, then. We made an honest attempt and no one will be able to tell us otherwise. It will be imperative that we keep SQ in the loop about the Emergency and the broadcasts. If we don't, there's no way we can anticipate what he'll do next."

Number Two posed another question, "How do we prevent a panic attack if he gets one when he hears his father's voice?"

"He heard my voice and seemed perfectly fine," Nicholas pointed out. "And we're identical twins."

"Sir, you are far more soft-spoken than the voice on the television," Rhonda said. "Even I can tell that you sound different. If he hears his father, it could well and truly create a blind panic."

Nicholas chewed his cheek. "I admittedly don't know if we can prevent a panic attack," he said, switching the frequency back after making a note about the new message on a sticky and pasting it on one of the TVs. "But I know we can certainly try. Grounding exercises, preparing him to hear the voice, having water and a blanket on standby, I imagine we'll be able to prepare."

Number Two looked dissatisfied. "I don't want him to have a panic attack," she said.

"Nor do I!" Nicholas snapped. "But I don't see how we can prevent it!"

"Sir, take a deep breath," Rhonda instructed. "Number Two, he's right. We need to prepare SQ, and unfortunately, that means playing the new message to him as well."

"What if he doesn't have the strong love of truth the rest of us have?" Number Two asked, revealing her real worries. "What happens if he listens to the voices? What then?"

"Then, I imagine, we will have him running off back to his father, and he will no longer be our concern," Nicholas replied, sounding incredibly pained. "And much as I hate to say it, if he is swayed that easily, perhaps it would be for the best. Not the abuse, no, but the fact that we would not be constantly looking over our shoulders, anxiously wondering if SQ made a phone call to alert his father to our presence in his life. To our location. To everything we've worked so hard to achieve over the years."

"You don't believe he would really do that?!" Rhonda exclaimed.

"I don't know him, Rhonda. None of us do. Unfortunately, we can't say what he might do."

"You are an excellent judge of character, sir. Do you genuinely believe he might be a danger? Or is that your anxiety?" Milligan asked.

Nicholas sighed. "I do believe it's my anxiety," he said. "But, unfortunately, none of us can say for certain until tomorrow."

The four of them looked at each other uneasily. Nicholas turned off everything in the room, and sent nervous glances around, like his brother might emerge from the shadows to beat him to a pulp for everything he ever did, for taking in his nephew, for abandoning him at such a young age, for every disagreement and detrimental comment Nicholas had ever uttered. "I think," he said faintly. "I think it might be time for us to retire, as well."

"Sounds wise," Number Two said. "I'll find something to keep myself occupied. You three should sleep. Milligan, don't you dare try to talk me out of taking first watch, you have been up since four this morning."

Milligan sighed. "It was a legitimate security concern," he said, and he almost sounded petulant.

"Regardless, you have been up for..." Number Two checked her watch. "Seventeen hours. Sleep. Please."

"Fine," Milligan said, walking out of the room.

Number Two and Rhonda followed. Nicholas lingered a moment longer. The sweetness in his brother's voice when speaking about SQ made him pause. By and large, even the harder tone of the order underneath the sweetness didn't sound sharp, exactly. Hardened, yes. But there's wasn't an immediate edge that Nicholas had expected to hear. But you don't always hear that from abusers, isn't that rather the point? his mind taunted.

"Sir?" Number Two asked.

His brother. An abuser. Nicholas didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to know this. He wished he lived in blissful ignorance, like he had just this very afternoon.

"Sir, we really should go," Number Two said.

Nicholas shook himself and walked out of the room. There was no use wishing. He knew now. And besides, knowing had let a wonderful, happy, intelligent boy into his life. Nicholas wouldn't trade SQ for the world. As Nicholas closed the secret entrance, he silently shook his head. He knew there was never a good day for news like this, but even so, he wished there were. Just so he could have this news on that good day. That day where he was prepared. He was anticipatory. He wasn't experiencing cataplexy left and right just because of SQ speaking to him.

Number Two guided Nicholas to his room, and Nicholas found that he wasn't quite ready to fight with his sleep schedule quite yet. He went to the bathroom, cleaned himself up, changed into pajamas. He rarely changed into pajamas, rarely took showers at night. He was truly that eager to avoid the inevitable. He slipped into bed, staring at the ceiling. Your brother did that, his mind taunted. Your brother hurt your nephew. Your brother started the Emergency. Your brother is evil.

Nicholas squeezed his eyes shut tight. Evil, evil, evil... the word repeated over and over in his head. He didn't want to believe it. He wanted to get up, go to his study, and figure out the best way to storm to the island and give his brother a piece of his mind. But he knew he couldn't. Even if he could get to the island, there was no way he'd get past security, find his brother, and manage to give him a tirade without cataplexy kicking in. Besides, that would take days of planning. And SQ needed to be informed of all this tomorrow. Meaning that Nicholas had to be prepared with an explanation, and energy, and trying his damnedest to avoid cataplexy, tomorrow morning. It was going to be so much work; work that he would be best suited for when well-rested.

Nicholas opened his eyes with a sigh. He might be up for a while. He thought about SQ's face, the shocked awe when Nicholas treated him with little more than basic human decency. The adoration SQ had given him when Nicholas had said he wasn't angry at SQ, and that SQ wasn't a burden. All this swam in his head, over and under and forwards and backwards, completely overwhelming him until slowly, ever so slowly, he started to calm down. SQ was safe. SQ trusted him. His nephew wasn't in danger any longer. Or at least, he wasn't in any more danger than any of them were at any point in time. He would be okay.

And with that thought in mind, Nicholas finally managed to slip into sleep.

Chapter Text

As it turned out, SQ was a fairly early riser for being eleven and got up at a punctual seven fifteen on the dot. He waved to Nicholas in the hallway when they saw each other. "Good morning, my dear," Nicholas said, stifling a massive yawn. "Breakfast is in the kitchen, you can serve yourself."

SQ nodded, still not saying a word. Nicholas found this somewhat curious after SQ spoke so much yesterday, until he remembered the boy's words: "like glass in my throat." Perhaps in the mornings that was worse. Perhaps he wanted to preserve his energy.

Perhaps he felt comfortable enough with Nicholas to not feel the need to speak. How Nicholas hoped that was the case.

They got to the kitchen and SQ looked around curiously. He opened his mouth as if to speak, before closing it, subtly shaking his head. He turned to Nicholas, pointing at the fridge, and quirking an eyebrow in question.

"Yes, of course you're allowed to look through the fridge for what you'd like to eat," Nicholas said.

SQ grinned, delighted that Nicholas had understood his silent inquiry. He gave Nicholas a heart-shape with his hands before hurrying over to the fridge and rummaging through it. He pulled out strawberry jelly, and bread, and two eggs. He put the bread in the toaster without problem, setting the jelly next to it and searching around for a plate. When he found one, he silently placed it in front of the toaster. SQ also correctly deduced where the pans were, but when he put it on the stove he hesitated, looking at the eggs, then the stove, then the eggs again. Nicholas noticed the boy's body starting to tremble.

"SQ? Do you know how to cook eggs?" Nicholas asked gently, walking over.

SQ shook his head. "But...but it's my regular breakfast," he said, voice creaky and stiff. "It's my ritual."

"That's quite all right, I can teach you how to make them. How do you usually have them? Fried? Scrambled? I assume not hard-boiled, since you pulled out a pan and not a pot?"

SQ held up two fingers.

"Second? Scrambled?" Nicholas asked.

SQ nodded.

"Oh, well that's easy enough to do!" Nicholas said. "Even I can cook scrambled eggs, and Number Two rarely lets me cook for fear of my getting distracted and burning the food. If you can grab some cream from the refrigerator, and a bowl?"

SQ frowned, but nodded, pulling out the cream and scrounging up a clean bowl from the cupboards.

"Now, watch," Nicholas said. "First, we crack the eggs into the bowl, and then we take a fork--" Nicholas looked around, grabbed the cutlery from the proper drawer, and broke the yolks of the eggs. "And we stir it up until it's all mixed together." He hurriedly whipped the eggs until they were all a vague yellow-orange color. "Add a little cream and whip that in, just to add some depth," he did so, "And then we have to oil the pan."

SQ grabbed a small bottle of oil that was sitting next to the oven and furrowed his brows in question.

"Yep, just a small amount, turn on the stove, and then we'll make sure the entire pan is covered in oil," Nicholas confirmed.

SQ poured a small amount of oil in, stopping when Nicholas said to, and turned on the stove. The toaster dinged, and as SQ spread the strawberry jelly onto the toast, Nicholas maneuvered the pan until the oil was coating it. "SQ," he said softly to gather the boy's attention. "Now comes the easiest part."

Nicholas poured the eggs into the pan and SQ watched curiously as they started to fry. Nicholas took a spatula and said, "If you were making an omelet, you'd try to keep the whole thing in one piece. Thankfully, we don't have to try that." He passed the spatula to SQ. "Just move the eggs around until all of it is cooked, and we'll be done!"

SQ's eyes widened. "That's it?" he asked.

"That's it!" Nicholas exclaimed.

SQ moved the spatula around the pan until Nicholas deemed the eggs fully cooked. He turned off the stove and helped SQ plate the eggs, and then they moved to the dining room, sitting down together. SQ furrowed his brows, pointing at his own food, then at Nicholas inquiringly.

"Oh, I can eat in a bit," Nicholas said. "Don't worry about me, dear boy. Doubtless Number Two or Rhonda will force me to eat something before lunch."

"True," Number Two said, swooping in and eyeing them suspiciously. "You didn't try to cook anything, did you, sir?" she asked.

"I only taught SQ how to scramble eggs," Nicholas said. "Nothing that you'd disapprove of."

"Oh!" Number Two said. "I suppose he wouldn't know how to cook if he lived at a school where all the food would be previously prepared. I should have thought of that."

SQ shrugged. "Is fine," he mumbled between bites of toast. "Uncle Nicholas helped just fine."

Nicholas felt himself grow a little woozy at that name, but he simply smiled at SQ. "I'm happy to be of service," he declared.

SQ nodded and went back to eating. Number Two declared she was going to make Nicholas something to eat as well. Nicholas protested that just having some fruit would be fine, and she levelled him with a thousand-yard stare. "You are having a full meal this morning," she said. "You know you'll need it for later."

Looking up with a curious expression, SQ asked, "What's later?"

Nicholas sighed. "Later is the answering of some of yesterday's questions, my dear," he said. "And not all of them will be pleasant answers, I fear."

SQ swallowed thickly and his eyes went wide. He solemnly nodded and went back to his food. Nicholas soon found a plate in front of himself, courtesy of Number Two. He didn't have much of an appetite, but he dutifully ate, steadfastly ignoring the reason he didn't want to eat in favor of guilting himself into believing Number Two would be hurt if he didn't have her cooking. He would have gone the "don't waste food" route, but Rhonda and Milligan had insisted he stop using that when he felt compelled to eat week-and-a-half old pizza. Nicholas was forever thankful that Rhonda and Milligan had never shared that with Number Two.

All those distractions in his head meant that soon he had an empty plate. SQ was polishing off a glass of orange juice Number Two must have gotten for him. He looked up at Nicholas expectantly when Nicholas looked over. Nicholas gave him a strained smile. SQ stiffened. "No one is in trouble, dear," Nicholas said. "Least of all yourself. I'm just not looking forward to having to explain everything that's going on with the Sender to a child such as yourself."

SQ nodded slowly. "Show me," he said softly.

Nicholas nodded solemnly, and stood. SQ stood as well. As soon as they had put their dishes in the sink, Nicholas led SQ to the study. "Now, I need to stress that what I'm to tell you is to remain a secret," he said. "Everyone in this house knows about it, but no one outside these walls is to know, understand?"

SQ nodded, eyes wide and fearful.

Nicholas opened the secret passage to the back room, and SQ marveled as Nicholas turned on the lights. Rhonda and Number Two filed in behind them, and Milligan followed in short order. Soon, they were all huddled in the room. Nicholas turned on the TVs and SQ squirmed. "Are you all right, my dear?" he asked.

SQ nodded, even though it was clear he was uncomfortable. "What does the TV have to do with this?"

"It's not just television, but radio as well," Nicholas said. "However, it's easier to demonstrate what I track with the televisions. Do you not like watching TV?"

SQ shook his head. "Prefer art," he said softly.

Nicholas felt an unknown weight lift off his shoulders. His nephew valued truth as well. Even if it was subconsciously. Nicholas nodded. "Well, there may be a reason for that. There are hidden messages behind every television show, every radio broadcast. Here, listen closely." He turned the frequency to the usual one where you could hear the children's voices.

SQ's eyes widened almost comically as the voice came through. "That's...that's Janet!" he cried. "She's in my class!"

Nicholas' fears were confirmed. His brother was undoubtedly the Sender. "This person--who we call the Sender--sends these messages across radio waves, using subliminal messaging to the masses. We believe that these messages are creating the Emergency."

In a moment, SQ became inconsolable. His entire body shook, he gasped for air, and tears were streaming down his face. "No...no no no! Turn it off! Turn it off!" he cried.

Nicholas did so, kneeling in front of SQ. "SQ? Please, take deep breaths. Can you explain what's wrong?"

SQ opened his mouth, but incoherent distressed sounds were the only noises he could make. Number Two gently wrapped a blanket around him and Rhonda passed him a glass of water. With shaking hands, SQ took long, slow sips of the water. His entire body trembled like a weathervane in a storm, but when at last, he stilled, he was staring at the ground, sniffling. "The Messengers," he breathed.

"Who?" Nicholas asked.

"The Messengers," SQ repeated. "That's what they--we--are called. The top of the class. The best of the best. Those who memorize all the material in class and can recite it by rote. Who can collect the entire lesson into a few words--those words. We go to this machine. Dad called it the Whisperer. In the Whispering Gallery, you're asked to repeat those phrases from class. All the memories you have from the lessons. They go through those code words. I thought--Dad said--" SQ huffed in frustration. "They were supposed to study how well we retained information. That's what Dad said. I didn't realize...! He sends them...? Is this worldwide?"

Nicholas nodded.

SQ's lower lip trembled. "I was a Messenger," he said, and he sounded so inconsolable that Nicholas' heart broke. "I helped create the Emergency!"

"SQ, the only person responsible for the Emergency is the Sender...your father. My brother. The means by which he used to create it are unfortunate. But children should not be to blame for an act such as this. You believed your father when he told you what he used the recordings for. That's hardly a crime. Following his orders is nothing more than following his orders. You cannot be blamed for this, especially when you didn't know any better." Nicholas braced himself. "There is another, newer message, on another frequency. It uses your father's voice. Are you able to listen to it? Or do you need a moment?"

SQ looked terrified, but determined. "I need to hear it," he said. "Let me listen."

Nicholas nodded. He turned the TV back on, and changed the frequency. Nathaniel's voice came over the speaker. "SQ, please come home." There was a pause, about ten seconds, before the phrase repeated.

SQ looked shaken again, tears pooling in his eyes. "I can't," he said, as if his father could hear him through the screen. "Not after learning all this. Not after everything you've done."

Nicholas gently placed a hand on SQ's shoulder, and SQ jumped like he had been shocked. Nicholas instantly retracted his hand. "I'm so sorry," he said.

"I thought that was...him," SQ said. "Can...can we turn those off, now?" he asked, pointing to the TVs.

"Of course," Nicholas said, turning them off and SQ sighed in relief. "Are you okay, dear boy?"

SQ shrugged. "Will be," he mumbled.

Nicholas smiled sadly. "I'd like to think that, too," he said. "Now that we have established that, would you like to take a shower now? Or after we acquire you some clothes and personal items? I understand you might wish to change into something fresh after a shower, but we don't have anything in your size at the moment that you can use..."

SQ held up two fingers.

"After? All right," Nicholas agreed. "We should get ready to go into town, then. Milligan, do find where Number Two his the car keys after the last time I insisted I should learn to drive despite my narcolepsy. I'll grab my wallet and the five of us can head out."

"Will the...uh...emergency stashes fit in the trunk?" Rhonda asked.

SQ frowned. "Emergency stashes?"

"They should," Nicholas said. He turned to SQ. "Our 'emergency stashes' are essentially every item we'd need in case of a sudden relocation that we carry in the car every time we need to head out. Legal documents, important mementos, things of that sort. They appear to just be suitcases, but, well...suitcases are bulky, and rarely do we all have reason to leave the house all at once. Usually we keep at least one of the suitcases on the floor or seat of the sedan. It's a tight squeeze otherwise, but it can be achieved."

SQ looked uneasy. "Will I need one?"

Nicholas sighed. "Unfortunately, yes, my dear. Through no fault of your own, my brother, like it or not, is familiar with where we live, now. Even if he doesn't have the address memorized, should he choose to come after us, after you, we'll need to be able to take you with us. Did you bring any of your legal documents with you?"

SQ's eyes were wide and horrified at the final question. He shook his head mutely.

"Not to worry, we can create forgeries that will allow you a sense of security with us and will keep the police off our tracks," Nicholas brushed aside. "Now, follow me,  we really do need to hurry and grab you some essentials."

SQ followed Nicholas around as he looked for his wallet. "Is forging documents hard?" he asked softly after some time.

"Hm? Oh, not for Rhonda and Number Two, not anymore. It took quite some time for them to be good at it, but they are rather exceptional by now. They could create fakes that would fool even myself, if they put in enough time and the right amount of effort. Fortunately, most law enforcement does not have the perceptional skill myself or my brother possess--therefore the forgeries we have to make for you will be less time-consuming. Even if it were, you wouldn't be bothering us, allowing us to do this for you so you can live safely here," Nicholas glanced at SQ, who was staring at the ground. Looks like his assessment was correct, again. He really didn't like what that was starting to imply. "SQ," he said softly. "I don't want anyone, least of all your father, to convince you that anything you need makes you a bother, understand?"

"Too late," SQ whispered, head turning away from Nicholas.

Nicholas swallowed back his anger. "Well, then we'll be working to undo that," he said decisively. "You can count on that, SQ. I'll ensure you believe you're worth something."

SQ looked up at Nicholas, visibly confused.

"SQ," Nicholas said, folding his hands behind his back. "Every human being has inherent worth. I don't know if that is something your father taught you, but it's true. And while I am less than amused with the way he's acted towards you, I am not mad at you for not seeing that. Sooner rather than later, we'll be working with you to improve your sense of self-worth, and we'll ensure that you feel you're worth something no matter what. Understand?"

SQ nodded. "He does that too," SQ said, nodding to Nicholas' hands.

"Ah." A beat. "Would you rather I not do that?"

"A little," SQ admitted. "He did it only when I was in trouble."

"I'll do my best to avoid it, then," Nicholas said, putting his hands at his sides. He snagged his wallet from a side table in the hall and said, "That's what we needed! Let's get you to the car."

They all got in the car, after some maneuvering of the suitcases in the back. SQ sat sandwiched between Nicholas and Rhonda, and he seemed to be trying to take up as little space as possible. "It's okay if we sometimes bump elbows, my dear," Nicholas told SQ. "After all, this is a bit of a small car. It's to be expected that squeezing five people inside may be uncomfortable."

SQ nodded and Nicholas noticed that he relaxed about half an inch in both shoulders, so he wasn't hunched in on himself as much.

They made their way to the store and Number Two promised to meet up with them in half an hour, but there were some supplies she'd been meaning to pick up, as well as groceries. Milligan agreed to guard the other three, and Rhonda, Nicholas, and SQ all entered the local department store.

SQ grimaced as he heard the radio playing its easy-listening music. He glanced at Nicholas.

"I did say the messages are over the radio, too," Nicholas gently said. "Are you okay?"

"Stomach hurts," SQ mumbled. "Keep thinking about...about Dad."

"That would be the messaging, yes," Nicholas said grimly. "So let's make this fast, shall we?"

They went to the boy's section, trying to determine SQ's size. SQ didn't know what he would fit, as he explained his father always had the school uniform tailored to him. Eventually, they found SQ's sizes. SQ allowed them to pick out button down shirts and pants, and he would accept them or reject them by simply nodding or shaking his head. But Nicholas didn't fail to notice SQ looking enviously at the T-shirts. "I think this will work for dress-up days," he informed Rhonda. SQ perked up a bit. "How about we figure out what SQ would like to wear casually?"

Rhonda looked confused a brief moment, before Nicholas jerked his head towards the T-shirts. "Oh, of course!" she agreed. "Come on, SQ, let's figure out if you like any of the T-shirts! And we can get you a pair or two of jeans, to boot!"

Milligan nodded his assent. "Casual wear is important, too."

SQ looked at the three of them like they may as well have just hung the stars in the sky in front of him. He rushed to the T-shirts, looking at all the designs and marveling at the texture, if his fingers running over the soft fabric was anything to go by. They got him quite a few T-shirts as well, most of them with some sort of pun or graphic on the front that made SQ giggle. They got him two pairs of jeans, as well. And then they went to the section for hygiene, and SQ immediately looked overwhelmed.

Nicholas put a hand on the small of his back as Rhonda steered the cart towards the aisles. "Let's take this slow, shall we?" he asked. "First things first, you'll need a brush and a comb for your hair."

SQ nodded, and they picked out one of each. Nicholas assured him they had washcloths and towels at the house. "Next, shampoo," Nicholas said. "Is there any specific brand or scent you know you like?"

Thinking about it for only a moment, SQ shrugged. "Only ever had the standard the school had," he said.

"Well, let's find a scent you might enjoy, then," Nicholas said.

They smelled quite a few bottles before SQ settled on green apple, and then they got a body wash as well, because Nicholas didn't know if the boy would prefer regular soap or if something else was more his speed.

They got to the section for deodorant, and SQ once again turned overwhelmed. "I know, there's a lot of options," Nicholas said sympathetically. "We can go by scent again, if you want?"

SQ shook his head, and grabbed one off the shelf. "This is what the school used," SQ said. "Dad said it was the most effective. And I...I need a strong one."

"Most people with increasing testosterone levels do," Nicholas said with a shrug. "Let's add that to the cart. Shampoo, body wash, deodorant...brush and a comb...oh! Toothpaste! You're not allergic to mint, are you, dear?"

"Don't...think so..." SQ said. "It doesn't...burn, exactly, when I use toothpaste. Or at least, it doesn't burn for that reason. My gums hurt when I floss."

Nicholas nodded, and they picked out toothpaste, a toothbrush, and flossers for SQ to use. When all that was done, they went to ring everything up. SQ got nervous when he saw the total, but Nicholas just paid it without a second thought. "Remember, SQ, you're worth the effort," Nicholas said to the boy softly.

The cashier must have heard him, however, because he asked, "Foster care? Come from a less-than-fortunate house?"

"It's not particularly your business," Nicholas lightly chided, "But my nephew did have some familial problems before he moved in with me. And that's all I'm saying on the matter."

The cashier looked suitably cowed and apologized before wishing them a nice day. SQ sighed when they got outside and the radio wasn't ringing in their ears anymore. "Quiet," he mumbled appreciatively.

"Indeed," Nicholas said with a smile.

Number Two came up to them with groceries and a small suitcase. "For SQ," she said, holding the suitcase up.

"Wise idea," Milligan said. "We'll set up some of the shirts and pants in the suitcase when we get home."

SQ looked uneasy, but nodded. Nicholas put a hand on SQ's shoulder. "Just a precaution," he reminded the boy. "We don't want to be caught unprepared."

The five of them climbed back into the car and SQ fell asleep in the back, leaning into Nicholas' side. Nicholas felt his heart warm as he looked at his nephew. He looked...so untroubled when he slept. It was sweet.

When they got home, Nicholas roused SQ and SQ immediately took his toiletries and clothes and retreated to the bathroom to shower. As the water ran, Nicholas mused about what they would do with SQ's schooling. Obviously, he couldn't just go to public school in the area, but it was important that he learn. Nicholas went to the library and picked out some books that might interest SQ at a twelve-year-old's reading level. Nicholas knew that SQ might be beyond that level, but it was a good place to start. And of course, Nicholas couldn't forget about the idea of a birthday party for SQ. If he only had two weeks to prepare, he must be ready!

SQ walked into the study, wearing a pair of socks with a blue stripy pattern on them, a pair of his new jeans, and a shirt with a taco on it that said, "Sometimes, I fall apart." Nicholas smiled and SQ grinned back. He looked so much less like a troubled runaway and more like a normal boy about his age like this. "I found some books you might like," Nicholas offered, holding up the stack and placing them next to SQ on the couch where he sat. SQ checked the titles with interest. "Now, there is the matter of your schooling to look into," Nicholas said, and SQ looked up warily. "I think homeschooling is the best option for now, especially with your father on high alert looking for you, don't you agree?"

Visibly relaxing, SQ nodded. He tapped his fingers on the book in his hand and asked, "How familiar are you with algebra? That's what I was learning before I ran away."

Nicholas' eyebrows shot up. "Eleven years old and learning algebra? You're rather bright for your age!"

SQ ducked his head with a pleased grin. "About to be twelve," he waved off. "I'm about a seventh grader, you know!"

"That doesn't make it any less impressive," Nicholas said. "We can work on algebra, yes. I know quite a bit about it, I'm a scientist; I have to know about algebra. Do you know what reading level you're at?"

SQ shook his head.

"That's all right, that just means I'll let you keep reading until I find a book that stumps you," Nicholas said with a small smile. "That could be fun, couldn't it?"

SQ nodded eagerly. He looked through the books in his hands and sorted them into two stacks. "I've read these before," he said, pushing the larger stack to Nicholas. "But I can't wait to read the others."

Nicholas nodded. "By all means, go ahead and get started reading. I have some work to do in here, but you're more than welcome to stay here and read while I work."

SQ nodded again, picking a book from the stack remaining on the table, and Nicholas put the other stack back on the shelves. He grabbed his work and got situated on the floor, looking at SQ with a fond smile. Already, the boy seemed to be getting more comfortable around Nicholas. He hoped that they would be able to get him to open up a little more about his past, just so Nicholas could be prepared when it came to panic attacks and triggers, but right now, it was just the two of them relaxing in the house. And that was all that mattered.

Chapter Text

Nicholas was reading silently next to SQ on the couch when Number Two rushed in. "Sir," she said. "There are some men combing the streets around the neighborhood that we don't recognize. They haven't reached our street yet, but they are being very meticulous in their search. We need to go."

Nicholas nodded and stood while SQ sat on the couch, apparently petrified. "SQ, come with me, my dear. We'll be quite all right."

SQ frowned but took Nicholas' hand and followed him out the door. They snuck down out of the house and grabbed the suitcases from the car. Then they headed to the old shed that served as a secret tunnel to the Monk Building. "This passageway will be a little dark and cramped, my dear. Just to warn you," Nicholas said.

SQ silently nodded.

The three of them walked into the passage, Number Two closing it behind them. Nicholas steered SQ through the maze of sewer systems and Number Two held up defenses in the rear. When they at last reached the Monk Building, Nicholas led SQ out into the office space and Number Two grabbed a bag of trail mix from the desk in the corner. "Milligan and Rhonda will be staying behind," Number Two informed Nicholas. "They'll be playing the married couple who just moved in."

"All right," Nicholas said. He turned to SQ. The boy was pale, and trembling. "Sit down, my dear, before you pass out," he instructed. "Would you like some water?"

SQ considered the question a moment, before he nodded.

Nicholas set him up in the desk chair and went to fetch him some water from the nearby cooler. He returned soon after to find Number Two reciting something about...the Fibonacci Sequence, if he was correct, and SQ was listening attentively. Nicholas smiled. Number Two was a master at distractions and he greatly appreciated her for it. "Water, my dear," he said to SQ, passing him the paper cup.

SQ nodded and returned to listening to Number Two's math lesson. Nicholas anxiously paced the floor. On the desk was a landline phone, and that was what Milligan and Rhonda would use to sound the all clear. If they didn't call over the next twelve hours, it was to be assumed they were incapacitated and they would need to flee. And Nicholas didn't want to put SQ through that.

"...Your uncle has a good portion of the Fibonacci Sequence memorized," Number Two said, gathering Nicholas' attention.

SQ looked at Nicholas in awe. "You do?" he asked.

Nicholas nodded. "Reciting it calms me down in times of high stress..." Like now, for instance. Oh. Number Two was very clever. "Would you like to hear it?"

SQ nodded eagerly.

"One, one, two, three, five, eight, thirteen, twenty one, thirty four, fifty five..." Nicholas rattled off, getting to six thousand seven hundred sixty five before he felt calm enough to take a deep breath without shuddering. "It goes on like that infinitely, of course," Nicholas finished. "It's a rather fun exercise in memory, for me. It's not for everyone, but I personally find it useful."

"That's...fascinating!" SQ said after a brief silence. He was grinning genuinely.

Nicholas returned the grin with a soft smile. "I find it very interesting, but I know most don't. I'm rather pleased you have a fascination towards it as well."

SQ shrugged. "I just think numbers can be cool," he said. "Like..." he waved his hands around vaguely. "A puzzle. Kinda. I dunno."

"No, no, you're absolutely right!" Nicholas said, eyes lighting up. "That's precisely why I like them as well."

SQ smiled, pleased, and kicked his feet in the chair he was sitting on. Soon enough, however, he was growing bored. He picked up the book he had been carrying all the way since the house, and started to read. Number Two tilted her head to the opposite corner of the room in question, and Nicholas nodded. The two huddled there, concerned. "We're going to have to be consistent with Milligan and Rhonda when they search the houses," Number Two said. "After all, how many times could they possibly have guests over? And if they claim they moved out, or they aren't home, those men could break in and discover that more people live there than originally anticipated."

"I know," Nicholas said grimly. "And much as I know Milligan and Rhonda can hold their own, that doesn't mean I don't worry."

Number Two made an agitated sound. "This isn't going to end well," she said. "I don't think we can get away with keeping him locked in our house forever."

"Well, sooner or later, we have to confront my brother," Nicholas said, "And when that day comes we can arrest him, ensure that SQ makes a permanent spot in our home, and in general allow the boy to be whoever he wants to be, and come and go as he pleases."

"But when will that day come?!" Number Two hissed. "You know as well as I do that without a team, we can't infiltrate the school."

"I know, I know," Nicholas said, wringing his hands. "We'll have to go through with the tests, keep trying to find the children we need for the team, and make sure that no one is hurt by my brother in the process, least of all SQ."

Number Two looked dissatisfied. "I worry about that boy," she admitted.

"I think we all do," Nicholas said. "But he's only been here a handful of days. He'll get better with time."

"Time we're not sure we have," Number Two said.

"Time we will buy for him, no matter the cost," Nicholas said firmly. "Understand?"

"Understood," Number Two said with a nod.

The two adults found ways to keep themselves occupied as SQ continued to read. Everyone was tense, but SQ most of all. As evidenced when the phone rang and SQ fell out of the desk chair. Nicholas helped SQ up as Number Two answered the phone. "Yes?" she asked expectantly. Nicholas could barely make out Milligan's voice, and Number Two's shoulders sagged in relief. "You're sure they're out of the neighborhood?" A pause. "Yes. We'll be back over. Thank you." She hung up. "Coast is clear. The men are gone and will not be returning for some time, based on what Rhonda could glean from small talk about their plans."

"Did they ask about me?" SQ asked, sounding small and afraid, and Nicholas' heart felt for the boy. How scary must it be to be on the run from Nathaniel?

Number Two nodded. "They did say they were looking for a lost boy, and gave your description. Rhonda and Milligan said they hadn't seen anyone like that, and the neighbors weren't home. We'll warn them that you're in a...precarious position, the story isn't set in stone yet. But suffice to say the next time the men come snooping, our neighbors will know just enough to keep quiet, even if they do see you in the yard."

SQ swallowed thickly and nodded with a thin smile.

"It will all be okay, my dear," Nicholas reassured. "The neighbors are good people. And they keep to themselves. All we have to do is say you were removed from your father's care and he might come looking for you and they will understand they aren't to say a word about you."

SQ hesitantly nodded.

Nicholas returned the nod. "Now, let's get back home, shall we?"

The relieved grin he got in return for that made Nicholas smile himself. The sewer system wasn't the cleanest, but even stepping in odd puddles and skirting around the slimy parts of the walls, Nicholas couldn't stop smiling. He wasn't sure why, but he knew that SQ being relieved to go back home was something to be treasured. Even if SQ didn't verbalize that it was home, even if he didn't think of it like that yet, he didn't correct Nicholas when he called the house home. And he was relieved to be going back there, that the danger was gone. He didn't even hesitate, didn't talk to Nicholas about going back to his father as if that was an option. But Nicholas didn't get the sense that SQ wanted to ask but was scared to. Rather, the opposite was most likely true. Nicholas got the feeling that he was scared to go back to his father, and wanted to stay with Nicholas. And that was the highest honor Nicholas could ever think of, despite the circumstances. Despite the only reason him getting that honor was because he was treating SQ with basic respect and human decency.

Despite all of that, Nicholas was honored SQ wanted to stay. Because if he got into the why he could take a spill in the sewer, and that would be disgusting. But also if he focused too long into the why he suspected he might learn more about SQ's past than the boy was ready to share. He didn't want to push SQ's boundaries, or make assumptions about his life. But Nicholas was intuitive, and could glean a lot of information from what little was freely given to him. And he was worried if he didn't respect SQ's boundaries, SQ would become uncomfortable with him, or worse, run back to his father if they were too similar to each other, because at least with his father it was the devil he knew.

"I can hear the gears whirring in your head, sir," Number Two said when they reached the end of the passageway and exited onto the grounds. "Is there anything in particular you're thinking about? Do we have cause for concern?"

SQ stiffened at that, and Nicholas was quick to reassure both of them. "I'm not thinking of any one thing in particular," he said. "Just musing. About the whole situation and how we're going to have to adjust our schedule a little bit to accommodate our newest member of the family. But nothing pressing, and nothing we need to worry about."

To Nicholas' endless surprise, SQ walked over to Nicholas and gave him a massive hug at that. Nicholas blinked, before hugging SQ back, slowly. "What did I say?" Nicholas asked.

"Family," SQ said. "You said I was family."

"Of course you are," Nicholas said with a soft smile. "Even if you weren't my nephew legally, I would not hesitate to adopt you purely because you landed on my doorstep looking for a place to stay, and you're impossibly kind."

SQ laughed in shock.

"Of course, I have a track record of attracting orphans and danger magnets, so perhaps me adopting you is not the wisest thing I could do...but I would do it regardless because you deserve to be happy," Nicholas said. "And not just because you're kind, either. Everyone deserves to be happy if their happiness isn't hurting anyone else."

SQ gave Nicholas a soft, sad smile. "I know why you said that like that," he said. "'Cause Dad...Dad's happiness hurts others."

Nicholas sucked in a soft breath. "You are exceptionally sharp," he said, feeling himself start to waver. Number Two put a steadying hand on his shoulder. "I do believe he can find happiness without controlling the world, but as long as he is pursuing happiness that harms others in the process, he is what many consider a 'bad person.' If he chooses to find happiness that doesn't harm others, I would welcome that readily. Are you thinking differently?"

SQ pursed his lips in thought. He opened his mouth, before closing it. Eventually, he spoke. "I wouldn't want to be around him," he said. "Not for a while. Not after what he's done, what he's doing, and hasn't apologized for. I want him to be happy, but not at the cost of me or anyone else. So I don't suppose I'd want to be around him until I knew for sure he was sorry. But he wouldn't say sorry to me if I were never around so...I don't know."

Nicholas nodded his understanding. "You want to ensure his intentions are plain before making any judgements," he said. "And that's wise. That's the smart thing to do. I suppose I can be rather forgiving--growing up with my brother meant that if I wanted him to be nice to me I had to get stepped on every once in a while. But I stood up for the other kids when he hurt them, because I also wanted friends there that weren't just him. There is a balance to be made, SQ, and I have every confidence that you can strike it given time and self-reflection."

"Did you?" SQ asked.

Nicholas paused. "Well, I suppose that rather depends on who you ask."

SQ pointed at Nicholas.

"You're asking me?" A nod. "I thought I had...for the longest time, I thought I had found a balance that my brother would accept and the other kids understood I didn't approve of when he got mean. And then I got adopted...and all of a sudden everything I knew about balance, and my brother, and how to behave around other children went out the window," Nicholas made a tossing motion over his shoulder. "I wasn't much older than you are now when that happened."

"Wait...! You were adopted?" SQ asked. "I know...you were talking about something that happened between you and Dad when you were kids, the first night I was here. I thought...I don't know what I thought. They adopted you?"

Nicholas winced and nodded.

"But not Dad?"

Nicholas started to explain, "They only had room for one--"

And Number Two cut him off. "SQ, this is a matter that your uncle is still terribly emotional towards. Perhaps it would be better if we didn't push him."

SQ paused, took that information in. "I was just gonna say that explains some things. Not in the way he wants to hurt everyone!" he rushed to say as Number Two's eyes sharpened, "But in the how he feels betrayed. 'Cause he'd hang my adoption over my head sometimes. 'Be glad I adopted you, SQ, because no one else ever would have.' And if he was about my age when you guys were split...I bet he sees adoption as some sort of holy grail that only you got to savor in and he was denied, purely on some principle he's made up about himself."

"Sounds about right," Nicholas mused, surprised he was standing at all after hearing that information.

"That's not a judgement on you," SQ added. "That's a judgement on him."

"Oh?" Nicholas asked.

"Well, yeah," SQ said like it was obvious. "If he was so desperate to find a reason that no one would want to adopt him that he pushed it onto you being a traitor rather than him being a showboat, that's hardly fair to you."

Nicholas barked a laugh before collapsing. SQ made a startled sound, but didn't apologize as Number Two caught Nicholas narrowly before he hit the ground. Nicholas would count that as progress.

When Nicholas was able to stand again, he walked across the street to the house, keeping a hand on the small of SQ's back. SQ leaned back ever-so-slightly into the touch. Nicholas wasn't sure if the boy was touch-averse or if he just had a lot of bad touch connotations from parental figures in the past. Not wanting to trigger either of those, however, Nicholas did run into the issue of wanting to display affection in a way SQ would accept. Words worked only to an extent, and SQ could doubt him. But without touch, and without knowing the boy better, what would he be able to identify as love?

They got back into the house and SQ dashed up to Rhonda and Milligan, grinning. "I'm glad you're alive!" he chirped.

Rhonda laughed. "Was that ever a question?"

"I dunno. Was it?" SQ asked, suddenly uncertain.

"No, it wasn't," Milligan said, and Nicholas could have sworn Milligan's lips twitched up just a bit as he observed SQ. "We're fine. As are you."

SQ grinned and took his book, dashing into the house to read. Nicholas watched him go fondly. Number Two looked at his face and said, "You're falling in love with the concept of him being here."

"Is that a bad thing?" Nicholas asked.

"He's in constant danger, sir. You can't expect him to stay here forever, even if he wants to," Number Two said. "Complacency leads to mistakes."

Nicholas sighed. "I know," he said. "I know that. But I also want him to be safe, and happy. Is that such a crime?"

"According to us? Or to your brother?" Number Two asked. "Because that's who you're taking him from."

"Because he was, pardon my French, a shitty parent," Nicholas said. "I don't want to hold SQ to my brother's standards of perfection, or use my brother's definition of care on this boy who has so obviously been abused. It's simply not logical. And it will only lead to more issues down the line."

Number Two shook her head. "Sir, we're okay with you housing him. You know we don't disapprove of that. But...you can't bank on him being safe simply because he's here."

"But we need to make sure he feels safe, Number Two!" Nicholas hissed. "If he doesn't feel safe here, he could very well run back to his father. After all, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't! And if he has no stable attachments here, that will only provide nightmare fuel for him."

Number Two started to protest again.

"--If you don't want to make a connection with him, fine!" Nicholas snapped. "But I will not let you stop me from doing the same!"

Number Two went silent, and Nicholas did feel somewhat guilty for snapping at her like that. But he needed to make sure his stance on this issue was clear. He would not be abandoning SQ, either physically or emotionally. He stalked inside as Rhonda and Milligan stepped aside, and Nicholas took several deep breaths. He would need to speak to Number Two later, apologize for snapping, when he was no longer angry. But right now, he was still rather upset, and thought it best to find something to calm down with before he poked that bear again. He went through the house, past the study, and to a slightly small-ish room filled to the brim with puzzle boxes. He looked at the puzzle he had been working on previously, a beautiful watercolor painting of wildflowers. It seemed difficult enough that he could spend some time on it.

Soon enough, he was fully engrossed in the puzzle. He was fitting pieces in slowly but surely, finding the patterns in the wildflowers soothing. He was only interrupted when a small hand tapped him on the shoulder. He yipped, turning to find SQ standing there. "Oh, SQ, you scared me!" Nicholas laughed. "Anything I can help you with?"

"Done," he said, holding out the book he had been reading to Nicholas.

Nicholas checked the title. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. "Didn't I give that book to you yesterday morning?" Nicholas asked.

SQ shrugged. "Had a few words to look up. Took a little while to finish."

Nicholas laughed. "SQ, you're reading at the level of an eighth or ninth grader. That 'took a little while to finish' is something not many children your age would even be interested in."

SQ shrugged again. "I guess I'm just precocious," he said, giving Nicholas a toothy grin.

Nicholas chirped a laugh. "I guess so! But I do believe that if you've finished this over the course of two or three days, which took..." Nicholas did some mental math, "Oh...seven hours, total? I do believe I can stop trying to stump you with books."

SQ's shoulders sagged in relief. "Cool," he said. "That book made my head hurt a little. I didn't get everything, but I think I got most of it."

"We'll find other books that might challenge you but still interest you," Nicholas agreed.

SQ looked around the room. "Puzzles?" he asked.

Nicholas identified the why behind that question quickly. "It is frequently meditative to go through them," Nicholas said with a small shrug. "Besides, when my emotions are running high, but not enough to deal with cataplexy, it helps calm me down. So naturally I started to collect them, and having a designated room for them in the house helps with finding them when I need them."

SQ nodded. "Makes sense," he said, and Nicholas didn't fail to notice he looked uncomfortable speaking.

"Did something unsettle you, dear? You're forcing yourself to speak a lot more," Nicholas said.

SQ shrank back a little. "I...I don't think Number Two likes me all that much. I caught her scowling after she stared at me a while."

"Oh. Oh, dear," Nicholas said. "SQ, that wasn't about you. She and I got in a rather...spirited argument earlier. I hadn't gotten the chance to apologize to her yet, I've been working on the puzzle to calm myself down. But she claimed we needed a different approach to protecting everyone in this situation than the one I wanted. So we argued a little. Her seeing you might have brought the argument to mind, but I guarantee it's not your fault."

SQ didn't look convinced.

Nicholas sighed. "In all honesty, my dear...she's worried about getting attached. She doesn't want you to be snatched away from us just as you're getting comfortable, leaving us all alone and grieving for you. It's not a justification, not by a long shot. But it is an explanation, even if it's one neither you or myself care for. Number Two is rather used to having things or people she cares for taken from her, I fear. I hoped that she would relax a little by now, having myself, Milligan, and Rhonda as constant presences in her life, but..." Nicholas gave SQ a rueful smile, "...Old habits die hard, I suppose."

SQ nodded, looking slightly more appeased.

"It's not anything you've done, my dear. And while she might be slow to warm up to you, I guarantee she worries and cares about you. That's why she wants to keep her distance. She's worried about losing you," Nicholas said. "And now, I really should apologize to her. I said she didn't want to make a connection with you, which I know isn't true, and touches on that sore spot. I should have been kinder."

"You really should have," Number Two sighed from the doorway. SQ jumped but Nicholas just gave her a fond, albeit exasperated, smile. "But I forgive you. It's hard for me not to."

SQ looked between the adults with a sort of awe. "That's it?" he asked.

"That's it," Nicholas said. "I suppose you were expecting some sort of shouting, or guilting?"

SQ shrugged and nodded.

Nicholas sighed. "Oh, I'm going to kill my brother if I see him again," he groaned. "I can't stand you being hurt, my dear."

SQ tilted his head to the side in silent question.

"Well, I care about you an awful lot, my dear," Nicholas said. "I would hate for you to be hurt, because I truly care about you."

"Are you saying that if someone pretended to care about me, then they would be okay with me getting hurt?" SQ asked, brows furrowing.

"...Not directly, and not intentionally," Nicholas said. "Although I would make an argument that anyone who is okay with you getting hurt doesn't care for you. And yes," he said as SQ opened his mouth, "That includes your father, much as I am loathe to entertain that possibility."

SQ looked down at the ground, eyes growing glassy. "It's okay," he said as Nicholas opened his mouth to apologize. "I needed to hear that. I kinda wondered...I wondered already if he actually cared or was lying. Hearing it out loud is hard...but I think it's important. Necessary, even. Uh...thanks. For being honest."

Nicholas smiled sadly and nodded. "Of course, my dear. And I hope you know that everyone here cares about you, even if not everyone shows it in conventional ways," he said, with a pointed look to Number Two.

"Yeah, I know," SQ said with a small smile. "I know that."

Chapter Text

Nicholas could see Number Two getting attached to SQ faster than anyone save for Nicholas himself. He didn't say anything, for risk of scaring her off, but when he caught her sewing a small quilt that would fit at the end of, say, a twin bed, he did smile and think that SQ would love it. His birthday was the next day, and Nicholas had gotten the boy some sketchbooks and a variety of cheap amateur artist-grade tools. Colored pencils, watercolors, and acrylic paint, plus some brushes. He didn't know what SQ might like best, but he had caught the boy doodling on more than one occasion on scraps of blank paper and Nicholas reasoned that it would be easier to keep track of the boy's progress, and artwork, in sketchbooks and canvasses.

The others had gotten things for SQ's birthday as well. Rhonda had gone out and selected some books that she thought SQ might make use of, an anatomy book from an artist's perspective and some fiction books. Milligan had gone thrift shopping and bought SQ more jeans, as well as a pair of sneakers, after measuring SQ's feet, and finding them unusually large for a boy his age, but still within the realm of regular shoe-size. Nicholas hoped that all the gifts went over well with the boy.

He was wrapping the items in gift wrap the best he could in the attic. He had explained to SQ that he wasn't to come up while Nicholas was working, lest he "ruin a great surprise," and Nicholas knew SQ would follow this, not interrupting short of an adult getting hurt or a fire starting.

When he was done with the last of the gifts, Number Two came in silently, with the quilt, and took the wrapping paper without a word. "Ah, that's a lovely quilt," Nicholas said. "He'll love it."

"I hope so," Number Two sighed. "It doesn't have nearly as much area as I had hoped it would...but it will do for decoration, and it could in theory fit the length of the bed, provided SQ doesn't toss and turn."

"He curls up into a ball when he sleeps," Nicholas said knowingly. "He'll fit under it."

"God, I hope so," Number Two muttered. "I'd hate to have put so much energy into something that he won't like."

"I doubt he's ever received a handmade item before, Number Two," Nicholas said. "But he is an artist. If he recognizes it as handmade...I have no doubt he'll not only be awed in your skill, but treasure the quilt."

Number Two sighed silently. "I'm a hypocrite," she muttered as she wrapped the folded quilt in the paper. "I'm a shitty hypocrite."

"Only in the sense that you get attached quickly, while preaching it's better to keep a distance. You can do both without being a hypocrite. It just means you're scared. Which is perfectly acceptable to be," Nicholas said.

Number Two subtly shook her head. "I shouldn't be," she said softly. "He isn't like the others. He won't just up and flee the second things get tough..." the unspoken Right? hung between them like a shroud.

"Right," Nicholas said. "I understand that. I also understand you're coming at this from a place where you were not given that guarantee before. It will work out, Number Two, and you don't have to worry about getting 'too attached.' He won't be snatched away, he won't run away from us the first chance he gets. He came to us for a reason, and we can keep him safe. Right?"

Number Two nodded once, uncertain, and then once more, resolutely. "We'll ensure it," she said with force. "We'll make sure he's safe come hell or high water."

"What I've said from the beginning," Nicholas said with a slight playful smirk.

Number Two waved his barb off with a dismissive gesture. "Yes, yes, emotions, you're right again, the others will soon follow in our footsteps. Don't get a big head about it."

"Would never dream of such a thing, my dear," Nicholas teased.

Number Two rolled her eyes and finished taping the wrapping paper around the quilt. She shoved it across the floor towards Nicholas, who caught it and looked everything over. "I do believe we're ready for tomorrow!" he chirped.

"Good," Number Two sighed. "Because this was more stressful than any mission I've ever been on, with you or otherwise."

Nicholas laughed. "He's a child, Number Two. Not a bomb."

"Which makes this all the more terrifying," Number Two said primly, standing up and offering Nicholas a hand. "You know better than anyone what an angry, smart child is capable of."

"Yes, I do," Nicholas said knowingly. "Which is why it's important to acknowledge his humanity, and treat him with kindness."

"And not like a bomb primed to explode?" Number Two asked.

"Definitely not," Nicholas huffed a laugh, "That might make him nervous."

"Make who nervous?" SQ asked, walking into the attic.

"You," Nicholas said. "We were just talking about your surprise. You know you're not supposed to be up here if you don't want to ruin it."

"I heard you say that you were done," SQ said. "And I was bored."

Nicholas chuckled. "Well, we are done," he said. "So you can't ruin your surprise too terribly."

SQ spied the presents, and his eyes widened. "Wait, that's the surprise?" he asked, pointing.

Nicholas grinned. "A small birthday celebration is the surprise, yes," he said. "Of course, we were going to ask your opinion on what dinner should be tomorrow, so it wasn't to be a secret much longer, but..." he was cut off as SQ dashed over and hugged him and Number Two both.

When he broke away, he had tears in his eyes, but he was beaming.

"We were thinking a pizza party," Number Two said. "Sound all right to you? Your uncle here knows the best pizza in all of Stonetown."

SQ nodded enthusiastically, bouncing on his feet. Apparently, the emotions had stolen the last of his words away. Nicholas didn't mind in the slightest, however, especially considering that the emotions were happy.

Nicholas smiled and said, "What say you to us getting out of the attic and finding something else to keep us occupied?"

SQ nodded. He wasn't excitedly chattering, but Nicholas noticed that wasn't something SQ usually did. His mind could whir at a million miles a minute, but he rarely verbalized those thoughts when he was particularly emotional. It was...curious, but then again, everyone in this house was curious. And Nicholas was learning how SQ liked to be shown love. It was in attention, and in the books he picked out that SQ might like, and the food that Number Two made. He particularly flourished under puzzles and challenges Nicholas offered him. Touch wasn't a necessary part of the love, even though it certainly helped some when SQ needed grounding.

Although, Nicholas found it frustrating that SQ couldn't ground himself with touch from Nicholas. The others could brush up against him or direct him with their hands, but Nicholas couldn't. And he understood, he was his brother's twin, even if the callouses might be different, the size, the appearance, the feel of their hands would be the same. But Nicholas ached to be able to just hug his nephew, if SQ was okay with it, and not have SQ make the association to his father, rather than his uncle.

This was building resentment in Nicholas. Not towards SQ, no, but towards Nathaniel. The guilt Nicholas had felt for years was starting to fade, resentment building in it's ruins. Nicholas resolved to keep an eye on it, as undoubtedly Nathaniel's resentment towards Nicholas drove him down the path that led to the Emergency and SQ fleeing him. He didn't want SQ to suffer from both his father and his uncle having too much resentment in them to love him. So he resolved to keep an eye on it. He knew one day he would forget, but for now he wanted to ensure SQ was comfortable enough that when Nicholas inevitably forgot, SQ wouldn't run.

SQ and Number Two were talking with each other. Or, rather, Number Two was asking yes and no questions and SQ was responding by nodding or shaking his head. Nicholas wasn't sure what specifically they were talking about until he got another surprise hug from SQ. He stiffened a bit before gently hugging back. He looked down at SQ. "I take it I'm missing something."

"Both of us noticed you were dealing with some...brooding," Number Two said. "I invited SQ to comfort you any way he saw fit."

Oh. And the fact that he had chosen to hug Nicholas...it made him sway a little and Number Two was immediately bracing him upright. "Are you okay, sir?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Nicholas said. "Just happy that I'm getting hugged by my favorite nephew."

"I'm your only nephew," SQ said. "Unless you're actually a triplet?"

"No, I'm just a twin," Nicholas laughed. "The reason you're my favorite nephew, and the reason I'm able to say that, is because you're my only nephew. No one's feelings get hurt if I say you're my favorite nephew because there's no competition!"

"Oh!" SQ exclaimed, before he laughed. "That's funny!"

"Thanks, I think so, too," Nicholas chuckled. He gave SQ a quick squeeze before letting his hands drop, and SQ stepped away with a small smile. "Tell me, SQ, have you ever heard of Morse Code?"

SQ frowned, before nodding. "I've heard of it, I don't know it."

"Would you like to learn?" Nicholas asked. "It can be another form of communication for when your words don't work like you want them to."

SQ considered this a moment, before smiling and nodding.

"Excellent! Let's go to the study, I have cheat sheets there," Nicholas said.

SQ followed him in with a thoughtful frown on his face. Nicholas passed him a sheet before saying, "I can hear the gears whirring in your head, my dear. What's eating at you?"

"You...the Sender...my dad..." SQ waved his arms around helplessly. "You seem awfully prepared for anything happening to you and...and your family. To us. From the suitcases to the office to the Morse Code, you're always prepared." Nicholas' heart warmed at SQ including himself in that family, even as it ached at what SQ was trying to ask. "Why? Just knowing this wouldn't be enough to get him after you. Even if you went to the authorities, and even if they believed you, Dad would go after them, not you. What aren't you telling me?"

Nicholas sighed. He was sure SQ wasn't trying to phrase that as an accusation, but it sure as hell felt like one. "I'm...trying to assemble a team," he said. "A team to infiltrate your father's school, and sabotage his work on the Emergency. I know that it will take a lot of work, and forethought, and it will take a small number of incredibly brave children. Adults who go there never come back. Students are able to come and they leave all the time.

"We want to stop the Emergency before it gets any worse. Before any steps my brother takes beyond the Emergency come to pass. In order to keep contact with this team, we'd use Morse Code from a secluded place on the shore near the island. We need the suitcases ready in case anyone comes for us at the house, if they catch wind of this scheme. The office is where we run tests, tests to try and determine if these children are, indeed, the ones we need.

"And...and much as it pains me to admit, SQ, I'm almost...relieved that you came here when you did. You can provide us intelligence on the island like we've never had before. Hell, you know the headmaster better than anyone, even myself! Of course I would never wish ill will on you...but it feels fated, that we crossed paths when we did."

SQ's eyes were wide, not with terror, nor with awe. He seemed simply...stunned. "You think I could help?" he sounded almost...desperate.

"Even if you couldn't, we wouldn't send you away," Nicholas assured. "But yes."

"I wasn't worried about...about you sending me away. Not over that," SQ said. "But...I helped make this. I was a Messenger. If I can help stop Dad...if I can help stop his plans...stop the Messengers...then maybe I can do some good despite all of this."

Nicholas' heart ached. "Once again, my dear, you were merely listening to your father. You believed what he told you. All children do that. You are not to blame for your father's deeds. But if you want to help us stop him...we can slowly get into his routine, what the island is like, all manner of things that may prove to be useful to us."

SQ nodded. "I can help," he repeated, smiling softly, before he cleared his throat with a grimace. "When talking doesn't hurt."

"Let's get into the Morse Code, then," Nicholas elected to say. He grabbed one of the machines he used for practicing and brought it to a table, which he and SQ sat on opposite sides of.

Nicholas went into describing the dots and dashes, how dashes lasted the equivalent of three dots, and how to separate the individual letters and words, with a silence the length of a dash for letters, and the length of seven dots for words. They started slowly, but Nicholas was surprised at how quick a study SQ was. He took everything in like a sponge, and soon he was able to tap out his messages at a speed that rivalled Nicholas'. When SQ tapped out, What are we having for dinner? Nicholas belatedly looked at the clock and realized it was, indeed, time for dinner. "Let's find Number Two and ask her, shall we?"

The two left the study and headed to the kitchen, where Number Two was exiting. "Perfect timing, I had assumed you'd still be absorbed in whatever you were up to," she said with a playful laugh.

"SQ helps keep track of the time," Nicholas said. "If only in the sense that he knows when he's hungry."

SQ ducked his head, grinning all the same.

"Well, get to the table, both of you, Rhonda and Milligan are already there," Number Two shooed them away.

And indeed, Rhonda and Milligan were sitting across from each other at the table, murmuring quietly. "Hello!" Nicholas chirped, and they abruptly parted. Talking about something concerning him or SQ, then. "Hope we didn't keep you waiting long!"

"Not at all, sir," Milligan said with a nod of acknowledgment.

Rhonda shook her head. "No, we just sat down. How are you, SQ?"

SQ opened his mouth and took a breath, before pausing and tapping his reply on the table. I'm good.

Rhonda stared at him with a mix of shock and delight. "I didn't know you knew Morse Code!"

I didn't. Uncle Nicholas is teaching me, SQ tapped out.

Nicholas once more had to brace himself against a chair. He doubted he'd get tired of hearing that title being used. He did, however, hope that cataplexy wouldn't kick in every time SQ used it. It would be most inconvenient to have to deal with that every time something SQ did to show affection occurred.

Number Two walked in with dinner, which appeared to be pot pie of some kind. SQ sat down, tapping out a Thank you.

"I...you're most welcome," Number Two said, faltering only a moment. "And you're a remarkably quick study."

SQ beamed at that. Everyone sat down and began to eat, SQ looking truly happy, just able to exist. Nicholas could read the boy's body language well enough, for the most part. He could still see a bit of hunching in the shoulders, the dark circles under his eyes implying that he was still sleeping poorly, that he was still somewhat on guard. But the way those shoulders were starting to relax, the way the dark circles were lightening, slowly but surely...it meant that SQ was slowly acclimating to the house. That he was starting to calm down. And Nicholas couldn't think of a higher honor. To be a safe place for a boy who had decidedly never had that before...Nicholas frowned. Of course, SQ could have had the possibility of a safe place that wasn't his father, couldn't he? What made Nicholas decide he never had that safe place?

It wasn't the fact that he knew Nathaniel, and the odds of him allowing that were incredibly low. No, SQ snuck away from the island without his father being the wiser. It wasn't the fact that SQ never worried about other students on the island, or didn't express that he missed friends. No, it was entirely possible Nathaniel had isolated him, the same way he helped to isolate Nicholas from other children. It was...it was the way SQ rejected Nicholas and everyone else in his new family treating him with kindness without question, the way he didn't relax when Nicholas told him it was all right to. It was more than Nicholas sharing a face with his brother, it was that SQ didn't know how to relax. He didn't know how to let out that breath he was holding, waiting for the other shoe to drop. And if he had truly been allowed another safe place, or if he had carved one out for himself that his father didn't know about? He would at least know how to relax, even if he never actively did around Nicholas.

But Nicholas could see it in the way SQ held himself. He was trying to relax. He was trying to be open and honest. He was trying. And he couldn't achieve it.

A rhythmic tapping broke into his thoughts. He translated it without much thought. Uncle Nicholas?

Nicholas shook himself and hummed inquiringly when he realized SQ was staring at him.

You were brooding again. Not an accusation, but not merely an observation.

"Yes, well," Nicholas said, after swallowing a piece of food. "I suppose I get lost in thought quite frequently. I was musing about our family and my brain made some connections, as it often does."

SQ tilted his head to the side, brows furrowing. Connections?

"If I muse long enough, I can probably find out most people's entire life stories by the way they behave," Nicholas said with an awkward laugh. "It's a bad habit. One that I have been trying to avoid."

SQ didn't join in on the laughter. Why?

Nicholas cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well. Because it's not my place to know everything about everyone else's lives. Not if they don't want to share with me."

SQ sighed quietly. "You were thinking about me," he said softly. "It's okay. You need to know some things."

"That doesn't mean I have carte blanche permission to simply...make assumptions about your life."

"You said yourself: they're connections. Not assumptions," SQ shrugged, "And some things...some things are too painful to share aloud. What did you realize?"

Everyone was staring at Nicholas now. He cleared his throat. "Are you okay with everyone--"

SQ nodded. "They have to know too," he said softly, even though he was trembling. "So they don't ask."

"Very well," Nicholas sighed. "You never had a place or people you felt safe with before."

SQ flinched like he had been slapped. He looked down at his plate, eyes growing glassy, and he nodded.

"I suspect it's a combination of my brother being far too controlling, and purposeful isolation from the other students. He discouraged friendships, didn't he?"

SQ swallowed thickly and nodded.

"That's an abuse tactic," Nicholas said softly. "He wanted you to think all that was normal. It wasn't, SQ. Your family...you're supposed to feel safe with them. And while we can't have you wandering the streets or going to public school...I do think you deserve to have friends, and I'll work on a way to facilitate that. You deserve to have a place where you feel safe. You deserve to have people who you feel safe with. And if you had spoken with other children, and realized what exactly he was doing to you...he was worried you would confront him, or run, or reveal what he was doing to the wrong person, in his eyes."

"In your eyes?" SQ asked, voice guarded.

"In my eyes, it would be the right person. The one who would alert someone to what your father was doing. The one who would insist that what he was doing was wrong. No matter what he said. The one who would...who would help you," Nicholas swallowed, taking deep breaths. Number Two discreetly moved his dinner out of the way in case he fell forward. "Even if they did none of that, even if they were too scared to anger your father...they would have been someone who made you feel safe. Someone you could confide in, though they may not have reported your father. Someone who would have allowed you to...to feel openly."

And he was down. The collision with the table was, admittedly, painful, but better than getting a face full of pie. SQ, to Nicholas' never-ending surprise, rubbed his shoulder in placating circles. "Sorry," he mumbled, when Nicholas was sitting upright again.

"No need to feel sorry, my dear," Nicholas said. "I'm the one who should be sorry. If you weren't ready to share that information, I shouldn't have gone looking."

"It wasn't intentional," SQ said with such conviction that Nicholas jumped a bit. "Dad would do that too. Make connections based on behavior. Although he did it to figure out who was guilty of doing what at school. He did it to me the day..." SQ swallowed. "The day I ran away."

"You don't have to share if you don't want to..." Nicholas said softly.

"But I want to," SQ said. "Not in a way that...that one wants to talk about something happy. But in a...what's the word? A way that makes you feel bad but good?"

"A catharsis?" Nicholas supplied.

SQ nodded. "Yeah, that." He cleared his throat. Grimaced. Took a sip of water. "Dad caught me going through his desk. The day before I ran. I was curious about what he did. What his work was. But he never told me much. No matter how many times I asked. And besides, I wanted to know how my teachers thought I was doing in classes. So I snuck into the office and went snooping. For my records, was the cover. But I wanted to know about his work.

"He came in when I had just opened the drawer that held his journal. He freaked out. Started yelling so bad he collapsed. When he actually stood again, he was that weird sort of calm he gets whenever he's mad, his voice goes completely even and his face is blank, and any wrong step will set him off again. He ushered me out of the office, saying if I were ever to do that again, he'd..." SQ's voice faltered, and Nicholas could tell it wasn't just because SQ found talking difficult. "...He'd do something both of us would regret. He wasn't clear on what. But he made it clear it would be bad.

"And when I was sure he was asleep, or at least in his room, for the night, I snuck back to his office. I knew I couldn't risk getting caught, but I also couldn't stay with him after...after he made that threat. And I knew that whatever was important enough for him to make that threat was in his journal. So I flipped through it. A lot of the dog-eared pages were just scientific jargon and progress reports, until I found the page with your name on it. And your address. And I didn't know about the last name 'Benedict' but I knew that Dad wouldn't have just kept another 'Nicholas' with his address in a book that was very clearly not an address book. So I ripped the page out, replaced the journal, and went back to bed. The next morning, at dawn, I snuck onto the boat that delivers food and supplies to the school. And I spent a while trying to figure out where you lived, but I didn't once think about going back. Not just because Dad would be furious. But because..." SQ's voice broke again, "Because I knew whatever threat he made to me, he would carry it out and worse if he ever saw me again."

And Nicholas hit the table hard enough this time, he was surprised he didn't develop a concussion.

Chapter Text

SQ jumped in his seat at the sound of Nicholas hitting the table, but when Nicholas was able to sit up again, SQ continued, "He took one look at me looking through his desk and instantly knew I wasn't looking for my records. He knew I was lying purely based on my body language. No matter how many times I insisted I was telling the truth." He was staring at the fork in his hand as his eyes grew glassy. "I..." He took a deep breath. "He scared me. Like, really, properly terrified. I'd never seen him so furious."

Nicholas was focusing on breathing too, trying to keep blinding rage from overtaking him. "I'm so sorry, my dear," he said, looking at SQ with sympathy. "I know how my brother gets when he's angry, at least. And I sympathize. It's a truly horrible experience to be the subject of his wrath."

SQ was shaking, and he tapped on the table, I don't want to talk anymore.

"Perfectly understandable," Nicholas said. "And we won't force you to talk if you don't want to."

SQ's eyes grew ever glassier. Why?

"Because that's your boundary to put down. It's not ours to question why you put a boundary there, we can only respect what you made abundantly clear already. That we won't discuss this further."

SQ made a soft, choking noise that sounded eerily similar to a sob, and he hurriedly went back to eating. "Shall we change the subject?" Milligan asked.

"Please," Nicholas breathed.

"I have heard through the grapevine that someone's birthday is tomorrow, but I don't believe we've established where dinner will be from?" Milligan asked with a fond look towards SQ. Not exactly a smile, because Milligan never smiled, but Nicholas could tell there was a fondness, a protectiveness, behind the look.

"Oh, we're having pizza," Number Two said. "Nothing too extravagant."

"Still, I doubt SQ has had a pizza party for his birthday before," Rhonda said. "That's a little rare to have at boarding schools."

Nicholas smiled softly as they discussed tomorrow's festivities. The best way to distract SQ about the past was to look towards the future. "I was wondering where we should get it from," Nicholas said. "While I do love the Mom and Pop shops, there's something to be said about the inherent deliciousness of too-greasy, marketable pizza chains."

"Oh, we are not going commercial," Number Two said firmly. "I'd sooner make the pizza here by scratch."

"Oh, fine, fine!" Nicholas laughed. "We'll go to Marie's. Happy?"

Number Two nodded. "She makes the best pizzas in the county."

Rhonda explained to SQ, "Marie is a lovely woman who own the local restaurant 'Pizza Pierates.' Despite the pun in the name, she's rather infamous around Stonetown. She has some absolutely off-the-wall combinations for pizza, including chicken and ranch, pineapple veggie, and a meat-lovers that's pretty much pure meat, and barely any crust, cheese, or sauce in comparison."

SQ's eyes were alight with interest. She sounds cool, he tapped.

"She is cool," Rhonda said. "A second-generation immigrant from Italy. She has loads of stories from her parents about where they grew up. One day, she took over an old run-down pizza parlor that was about to be demolished, and made it her own. She likes to joke that she's the poster girl for 'The American Dream.'"

SQ made a soft "huh" noise, that didn't actually sound like a word, more like a breath of air. Do I get to meet her sometime?

"Maybe not tomorrow," Rhonda said. "But I don't see why we can't introduce you to her eventually."

SQ looked somewhat disappointed. Why don't I get to see her tomorrow?

Rhonda looked to Nicholas with a shocked, desperate expression. One that screamed Please help me out here. "We don't know if your father is still on high alert looking for you, my dear," Nicholas said, turning to SQ. "I know it may seem like you've been here a while, but it's been just under two weeks. He will undoubtedly still be searching a while longer; whether in town or in the surrounding areas. We don't know which it might be, however, and we'd rather not risk your capture. So you have to stay here, if only for another week or two."

SQ swallowed thickly, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he tapped, I feel trapped.

"I know," Nicholas tutted. "And I know it doesn't seem better than where you were before, especially because you can't leave just yet. But we need to get to a point where no one is expecting to find you if they go around asking your description. We need to ensure your father has gotten lax in his search before we can let you talk on your own around and to strangers. It's too big a risk right now."

SQ pulled a face. How do we know my dad will stop looking? What's to stop you from keeping me here indefinitely? How do I know you're better than him?

Nicholas felt like he had just received a slap to the face. Logically, he knew this wasn't the case. He knew SQ was scared, and frustrated, and likely dealing with the trauma of retelling why he left. He needed to remember why Nicholas was different, when in this aspect, he and Nathaniel seemed similar. "I'll make you a deal, then," Nicholas said, pushing his finished plate away from him on the table. SQ looked at him with interest. "After two weeks is up, we'll take you to the community center. We'll see if there's any classes you might want to take in the evenings, and if there are, we'll sign up for one or two together. You'll be free to do whatever you want in the class, sit where you want, talk to whoever you wish, just have one of the adults in the room as well to make sure that no one's coming in to take you. And we won't even act like we know you, if you don't want that. We'll be minimum-contact supervision. And you get to socialize. But until those two weeks are up, we need to be careful and keep you inside, or only have you outside with someone who can defend you if people come looking. Does that sound like a good deal?"

SQ considered. Nodded. And he held out his pinky to Nicholas. Nicholas huffed a small laugh, and linked his pinky with SQ's. "I promise we'll let you to the community center in two weeks," Nicholas swore. "No matter how much Number Two might protest."

"Sir!" Number Two snapped.

"See? She's already started," Nicholas chuckled.

SQ let out a startled giggle.

"Sir, we can't guarantee--"

"--We also can't keep him trapped here forever, Number Two," Nicholas said. "At that point, it will have been a month since he went missing. My brother is meticulous and methodical. He will have searched the entirety of Stonetown and quite a few neighboring cities and towns by then. He will have either expanded his search beyond us, or he will have stopped searching as frequently and often as he is now."

"That doesn't excuse--" Number Two stopped, huffing.

"--Excuse what?" Nicholas challenged. "No, really. What am I excusing?"

"A blatant disregard for your nephew's safety!" Number Two snapped. "We can't just let him get hurt by letting him traipse through Stonetown on his own!"

"He won't be on his own, Number Two. He'll be twelve, that's child endangerment," Nicholas said simply. His tone a little clipped. SQ flinched at the sound of it. Nicholas took a deep breath and tried to continue in his normal cadence. "We will be with him, even during the class. The fact that he will be allowed to socialize is not a danger. If we see someone suspicious, we can ensure they aren't a threat, and if they are, in fact, a threat, we will lay low for as long as needed to ensure my brother is off our scent. I know you don't want to lose him. But he needs to know other people, make connections with others his age, or older, or younger. At the risk of sounding like I'm speaking about an animal, he needs enrichment in his life. He can't be trapped in this environment for the rest of time."

Number Two blustered. SQ was eyeing her and Nicholas warily, scooching slowly away from the table. "I can't risk losing him!" Number Two snapped. "How are you being so cavalier about his safety?! When you are the one insisting he needs to be safe?!"

Nicholas sighed, and that seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back. SQ hiccupped and started to cry. "'M sorry!" he wailed. "I'm sorry!"

"It's not your fault," Nicholas said, staring at the table. He took a deep breath, and turned to face SQ. "It's not your fault, dear boy, and never was. I know that this is hard on you; it's hard on all of us. And sometimes we can't show how we feel in the proper ways we need to." A pointed glance at Number Two. "You appear to be done with dinner, would you rather be away from the table while we have this discussion?"

SQ sniffled, nodding.

"Okay," Nicholas said, with a small, sad smile. "You're free to go. I imagine I'll find you in the study later. And I will keep up my end of the promise, SQ. Of that, I can guarantee. Now, the rules might be a bit more stringent by the end of the discussion...but you will still be allowed out of the house, and you will still be allowed whatever classes you want to take at the community center. Okay?"

SQ nodded again.

"Then I'll see you when the discussion's over. I love you, dear. We'll talk soon."

SQ smiled through his tears, and scurried away. Nicholas waited until he was sure SQ would be out of earshot before he snipped, "And now look what you've done to him, just as he was getting comfortable--"

"--Oh, don't act like you're so high and mighty--"

"--He needs to be allowed out, once in a while, Number Two, it's just common sense--"

"--It's dangerous, is what it is--"

Milligan whistled and the two stopped arguing, turning to look at him. "You're both right," he said after he was sure he had their attention. "He needs to be able to move around, but any movement will be dangerous. Which is why whoever goes with him will need to be able to defend him should things go south."

"Does he trust anyone here enough to allow them to follow him around in classes without controlling him?" Rhonda asked.

"He trusts me," Nicholas offered.

"And you're at risk of cataplexy if he's in danger, we can't leave it all to you, sir," Number Two said, a bitter, sharp edge to her voice.

Nicholas felt his ire rise. "Well, we need to let him do something, Number Two. And unless you want to work on genuinely building his trust, he won't feel comfortable with you in the back. He might accept you, Milligan; or Rhonda, perhaps. But he doesn't know the both of you well enough that he would put worries about who he was socializing with and how he was socializing out of his mind."

"And he sees your brother in you at the most inopportune times. What happens if someone sends him into a trauma response and you're the one there?! He could bolt!" Number Two snapped.

Nicholas was shaking in fury as he shot back, "At least he knows that I care for him, when he's not struggling with his past!"

Number Two's mouth snapped shut, her eyes wide.

But Nicholas wasn't done. "You know, he said he wasn't sure you liked him? I did nothing to teach him that, nor did Rhonda, nor Milligan! It was all your behavior which led him to that conclusion!"

"Shut. Up," Number Two growled in a dangerously low voice.

"Of course, it's hardly a surprise, seeing how much you were pushing him away! You claim to care, you make an effort to appear so, but who really knows, hm? We're not mind-readers! How do we know you won't abandon ship when push comes to shove in the long haul?! How do we know that you'll take care of him, when left alone with him?! How do we--?!" Nicholas hit the table before he could reach the 'know' at the end of that question.

Milligan sighed as Nicholas pushed himself up into a sitting position again, massaging his forehead. "You two are entirely too emotional to be having this discussion," he decided.

"Who made you the judge of that?" Nicholas grumbled.

"Well, you two certainly aren't being mature enough on that front to decide," Rhonda said mildly. "And for what it's worth, sir, I agree with you. Your nephew needs time out of the house. But it is a logistical nightmare. One which Number Two has every right to be concerned about."

"Thank you," Number Two said.

"We can't keep him here, not for the entirety of that two weeks," Nicholas said. "Taking him to the community center is something I won't bend on. But we also can't keep him inside for the entirety of the upcoming two weeks. He'll wither away without some time outside. I should know; I've seen the signs of withdrawal that eerily mirror my brother's."

"Your brother who you never told us about, never suggested, never even referenced in passing," Number Two growled. "Are we supposed to be confident that you're telling the truth in this area, too? Are we expected to follow you blindly, without question, as you lead a traumatized child around the city, seemingly without caring about what it will take to keep him safe?! Say I believe you for a moment. Say you do have a twin brother. He would be every bit as determined, as single-minded, as cunning as you! What's to stop him from continuing to canvass the city with new people, if the old ones give up? You know if he runs a school he has resources to find his son!"

Nicholas was trembling as he said, "Because I know my brother, Number Two. And, as much as I love him, I know he doesn't make lasting emotional connections. He saw his son as a means to an end, but I doubt he saw him as anything beyond that. Based on what SQ has said about him, he hasn't changed, he hasn't grown more caring in the time he's been away from me. If anything, his empathy has decreased. So no, I'm not expecting to see my brother show up and whisk his son back away to the island. I truly believe he doesn't care enough to try."

The silence after that declaration was deafening. Rhonda was the one who broke it first, with a near-silent, "Oh my god," muttered under her breath. It seemed that the gravity of Nicholas' words was finally starting to hit home. Milligan sat there with a disturbed expression, and Number Two...Number Two was red in the face, and pale everywhere else.

"You make your conclusions on the assumption that people care about those who go missing, Number Two," Nicholas said softly. "And while yes, that is true in most cases, you'll find that both myself and my brother are not 'most cases.' In different ways, naturally, but he is not going to search relentlessly to find his son once it's been made clear to him that his son doesn't want to be found. It will take up too much effort and too many resources which he could use towards other things for him to keep up the search. Oh, doubtless there will be the occasional watch, someone coming through the neighborhood if they discover where I live. But my brother will not search for SQ the way you are assuming. I know him better than you, and I can say, with certainty, that he is not the empathetic, attentive father that you believe him to be."

Number Two started, "He abused his son, of course he's not--"

"--But even if he abused SQ, there would be the chance that he cared, just showed it in the wrong ways," Nicholas said. "And that's what you're assuming. My brother being possessive over SQ and wanting to keep the poor boy under his thumb. When in fact, if SQ diverts too much time and too many resources to find, my brother simply...won't find him. Won't even rally up more people to search than he deems absolutely necessary."

"Am I allowed to murder him on sight?" Number Two asked. "When we go in to stop the Emergency. Can I murder him the second I find him? I'll ensure that it's slow and painful."

"No, you may not," Nicholas sighed. "We don't know if we'll need him to disassemble the machine he uses, and if he has a kill switch installed, it could very well trip some sort of trap that would leave us without help. So no, you cannot murder him on sight. Once the Emergency is over, we'll talk."

Number Two nodded. "That is acceptable," she said, spearing a piece of the pie for dinner and chewing it a little more aggressively than strictly necessary.

"Great," Nicholas sighed. "So do you agree to letting him out after two weeks?"

Number Two sighed, but nodded with great reluctance.

"Prior to two weeks, if we let him outside, he won't be out of our sight," Nicholas said. "But I do believe after two weeks it would be safe for only myself to accompany him. If you still have your doubts, you are welcome to shadow us when we go to the community center, but I think you'll find my assessment is correct."

"I truly hope, for SQ's sake, you're right," Number Two sighed. "But I also hope, for my faith in humanity's sake, you're wrong."

"You and I both," Rhonda said. "I find that my faith in humanity is rarely shaken to this degree, but hearing such a thing as this, it is enough to worry anyone."

Nicholas sighed. "I truly wish it didn't have to be this way," he lamented. "Maybe, if I had insisted we stay together..."

"No use worrying about 'what if's," Number Two said, tenderness surprising Nicholas after the vicious fight they just had. "The only thing we can do is focus on moving forward."

"I suppose you're right," Nicholas sighed. "But I still regret not telling you three the truth sooner. For that, I am truly sorry."

A beat of silence. "Don't blame yourself," Milligan said firmly. "That wound is still clearly painful for you; something you didn't wish to be opened. If it wasn't relevant to the task at hand, why would you have brought it up to us? You are rather single-minded in that regard."

"Agreed," Rhonda said. "While I may have expected to hear you commiserate over your past mistakes with us when inebriated, none of us have siblings that would have brought on this discussion. Right?" The silence she got in return made her frown. "Right. I forgot that Milligan wouldn't know. But Number Two? Are you an only child?"

"That is a perfectly good question, and one which I will not dignify a response to."

Rhonda sighed. "One day, you and I must talk about your willingness to answer questions."

"One day. Not today," Number Two replied.

Rhonda blew out a frustrated breath. "I will hold you to that," she warned.

Number Two offered Rhonda a genuine smile. "I would expect nothing less." She turned to Nicholas. "Regardless, sir, while I may have liked to be informed, at the end of the day it was your choice whether or not to inform us. And after learning more about your brother from your nephew, I frankly don't blame you for not bringing him up prior."

Nicholas felt a knot loosen in his chest. None of them seemed to blame him for this. "Thank you all," he said softly, but sincerely. "For me to leave out a detail of my past, one which wound up being crucial in our investigation...you would have every right to refuse to work with me further. I am very glad that you are staying. All of you."

There was a short moment where all of them just sat there, sharing fond smiles and a content quiet fell over them. For a second, they weren't figuring out how to be a stand-in for a neglectful and abusive parent. They were just themselves, like the old days before Nicholas knew them all like the back of his hand and they were getting to know each other over dinner.

What broke this spell was SQ scurrying in and tugging on Nicholas' sleeve. He tapped rapidly on the table. Men are in the neighborhood again. They look like Recruiters.

"Recruiters?" Nicholas asked quietly.

The guys who work for my dad. Security types. They also sometimes bring kids who have potential to the island. SQ was trembling just a touch as he relayed this information. Please tell me there's a place to hide in here, they're too close for us to leave the house.

Nicholas nodded. "Of course we have places to hide in the house, dear boy. Rhonda, Milligan, you need to play the married couple again, we need consistency. Number Two, with me and SQ, please."

The five of them moved swiftly and Number Two led Nicholas and SQ to SQ's room, pulling the curtains shut and closing the door, keeping the light off. "Your room is one of the safest places here," Number Two informed SQ. "The curtains aren't sheer, and with the light off no one will be able to see our shadows. Do you think the men saw you when you saw them?"

SQ's voice shook as he said, "No. I heard them and took a quick look out the window. They weren't looking towards the house, but I recognized their uniforms."

Nicholas hummed. "We'll have to get you to describe those uniforms once the coast is clear, so we know what to look for," he mused. "It wouldn't do to leave you alone and vulnerable with only your wits to recognize them."

"They just dress like businessmen, mostly," SQ said. "Even the women wear bland pantsuits. The thing that tips me off is their cologne. I just happened to be lucky this time when I recognized one of their voices."

"A complication," Number Two said.

"Regardless, dear boy, thank you for letting us know this," Nicholas said. "Even if we can't be active in identifying these...Recruiters immediately, knowing who to be wary of and keep a closer eye on is something valuable we didn't have before."

SQ hummed his acknowledgement. Nicholas tried to resist the urge to pace the room. There was muttering downstairs, now, by the edge of the fence. Nicholas had never been so glad that Milligan and Number Two insisted on being immediately forthright with the neighbors about SQ's poor living situation before. Because the neighbors now knew that these types weren't the ones that SQ needed to return to. "I still don't understand why he's sending us back here," a woman's voice said. Nicholas felt SQ stiffen next to him.

"He's trying to rescope the addresses he lost," a man replied. "You know he guards that journal with his life. The snot-nosed brat stole a page from it, not that he'll admit it. He remembers the neighborhood but not the exact address. Why else would we be re-sweeping these specific streets?"

"I still don't like this. At all," the woman growled.

"So punish the brat when we find him, don't take it out on me. Or tell the boss. I'm sure he'd love to demote you with all your complaining and bright ideas."

Rhonda's voice cut in and the man and woman turned cordial and friendly in an instant. SQ was shaking next to Nicholas. He gently wrapped an arm around SQ and rather than flinching, SQ leaned into the feather-light touch. After the man and woman had left the front yard, and Rhonda came back inside, the bedroom door opened to reveal Milligan. "They will not be returning tonight," he said softly. "It is safe to move about the house, so long as we don't get too close to the windows."

"Understood, thank you, Milligan," Nicholas said with a nod. He smiled at SQ. "You hear that? We're safe, SQ. They said themselves that they don't remember the exact address. Just the general area. And the community center is in the city proper, meaning it's nowhere close to here. They won't discover our address from it. You're safe here, and you'll be allowed out before you know it. And your father...my brother...will be none the wiser."

SQ gave Nicholas a thin smile. "I...I wanna meet Marie, still. But not tomorrow," he said. "Not tomorrow."

"Sadly, my dear, I agree," Nicholas said with a sigh. He kissed the crown of the boy's head. "Thank you for being so understanding. And we'll still be celebrating your birthday. Of that, I promise you."

Chapter Text

Nicholas was heading to SQ's room to check on his nephew when SQ dashed into the hallway, hair a wild mess and his eyes wide and startled. Nicholas held his hands up as SQ turned to look at him and flinched. "What's the problem, dear?" Nicholas asked.

"I got up late. Sorry!" SQ squeaked.

"Late?" Nicholas checked his pocket watch. "It is eight oh three, my dear. I didn't expect you to be sleeping, but it's not a bad thing that you were."

SQ frowned. "It's...not?" he asked.

"Of course not," Nicholas said. "You clearly needed that sleep if that's the case. And it worked in our favor anyway."

SQ shook his head and frowned, clearly not understanding.

Nicholas suppressed a smile. "Brush your hair and head to the kitchen. There's no need to change, but if you want to, you can."

SQ frowned further, but nodded, heading back into his room. Nicholas grinned, walking back to where everyone else was waiting with the presents on the table. "He was sleeping," Nicholas said. "I reassured him that it was fine that he slept in, and he's just getting ready for the day now."

Number Two nodded, and declared she was going to make breakfast.

Rhonda excused herself to the kitchen as well, leaving Milligan and Nicholas alone in the room. "He worries you," Milligan said. "Your nephew."

"Of course he worries me," Nicholas sighed. "I found out that he's been abused by my brother, that he had to run away from home because his father threatened him. I don't know...you don't think..."

Milligan tilted his head to the side in silent inquiry.

"Do you think that you came from that island SQ ran from?" Nicholas asked.

"That is the most logical explanation," Milligan allowed.

"Then...then what if the 'something we both will regret' was wiping his memories?" Nicholas admitted his fear in a voice scarcely above a whisper. "Obviously, we don't know the extent my brother would go through if he did, and obviously he couldn't wipe SQ's memory entirely..."

"It is...possible," Milligan allowed. "Do you believe your brother is capable of such cruelty?"

Nicholas shook, his eyes growing glassy, and Milligan reached out a steadying hand, which Nicholas shrugged off. "I don't want to believe it," he said. "But unfortunately, I can see it all-too well."

Milligan nodded solemnly. "Undoubtedly, if SQ is caught, something similar will be used," Milligan said.

Nicholas blew out a breath. "SQ is sharp. With any luck, he'd be able to cling to something, not unlike you with your name."

"What would he...cling to? Or who?" Milligan asked.

"I don't know," Nicholas said. "I would hope me, or at least one of us. But...but this is all just conjecture. I don't think we should focus on conjecture when the boy is safe in our home."

Milligan nodded. "A prudent choice." His eyes flicked over Nicholas' shoulder and Nicholas turned, finding SQ mid-yawn, rubbing his eyes.

"Good morning, dear!" Nicholas chirped. "Sleep well?"

"Mhm," SQ hummed. He looked over to the table and he blinked, before his eyes widened. He looked to Milligan and Nicholas, then back to the gifts.

"A little birdie said your birthday was today," Nicholas said. "You saw the presents yesterday, remember? We figured something as momentous as your birthday deserves a celebration."

SQ grinned, his eyes growing glassy but his excitement undeniable. His hands moved around rapidly, wrists locked, and Nicholas observed the motion carefully. It didn't resemble any sign language he knew. "Were you saying something just then?" Nicholas asked SQ.

Blinking and frowning, SQ looked down. Then, his head snapped up, pale and scared. Sorry, he tapped on the table. I forgot I'm not supposed to do random movements for a minute.

Nicholas frowned. "I wouldn't tell you to stop," he said. "Especially since it seems to have happened because you were happy."

Elated, SQ tapped out. You really don't mind?

"Of course not," Nicholas said, as Rhonda and Number Two walked in with food enough for everyone. "Come on, let's have breakfast, and then you can open your presents."

SQ grinned again, his hands again doing the motion, albeit on a smaller scale. Nicholas smiled himself as he ate his food. If that was another gauge of how SQ felt, he would happily take it.

"So, how did you sleep last night, SQ?" Number Two asked. "I know that yesterday scared you."

I slept all right, SQ tapped, shrugging. As good as I ever do. Which isn't great, but at least I got an extra hour last night.

"That's always a positive," Number Two said with a smile. "I must admit I was surprised you were an early bird. Most kids I have met who are your age sleep well into the morning."

Dad was an early bird. He made sure I woke up early too. SQ shrugged again. And I guess old habits die hard.

Nicholas sniffed a laugh. "You know, he may not know this, but your father frequently woke me up when he got up early every morning. Oh, I could fall back asleep lightly, of course, but it was never quite as sound as I would sleep if he were quiet in his bed, reading. Which he did do sometimes. But for the most part, he got up early to do things. And doing things made quite a bit of noise."

SQ smirked, just a bit. He still does that, he confirmed. Always up way before he woke me up at seven, and usually at least an hour into work, if not two.

"Sounds about right," Nicholas said with a wry smile, glad that at least he and SQ were making a connection, even if it was through commiseration. "Tell me, SQ. If you could sleep in as late as you wanted, when would you want to wake up?"

SQ shrugged. Somewhere between eight thirty and nine, probably. Late enough to feel rested, but early enough to tackle the day.

Nicholas nodded with a pleased smile. "Good to know! If you sleep in, I'll be sure to wake you by nine, unless there are extenuating circumstances."

SQ looked star-struck. You'd let me sleep in?! he asked.

"Of course," Nicholas said, with a soft smile. "You're still growing, SQ. You need as much sleep as you need, and asking you any more or any less isn't fair to you. Now," he said, grabbing SQ's empty plate and putting it under Nicholas' own, "I do believe you have some presents to open."

SQ bounced in his seat, a huge grin on his face.

Rhonda took a present off the pile at the end of the table and passed it to SQ. "Here is one of mine for you," she said. "I may be biased, but I think you will love it."

SQ tore open the paper and he gasped audibly. Nicholas couldn't help the feeling of fondness welling up in his heart. "Anatomy! I always struggle with anatomy!" SQ exclaimed. "Thank you!"

"You're most welcome," Rhonda said. "What present would you like next?"

SQ pointed to one of the smaller, slightly lumpy ones and Rhonda passed it over. "This one is from Milligan," she said with a knowing look.

Likewise, SQ tore it open and grinned. "Cool!" he exclaimed, holding up the two pairs of jeans. Thank you so much! he tapped on the table.

Milligan nodded seriously. "I figured you would want some casual wear, you always seem to prefer it," he noted.

SQ grinned. "The fact that you noticed..." he said, looking down with a soft, but elated, smile. "Thank you."

They went through the presents like this. SQ loved all the clothes and the shoes Milligan had chosen. He couldn't wait to read the books Rhonda had picked out, and was over the moon about the art supplies Nicholas had selected. "Now, the best for last," Nicholas said, passing over what he knew to be Number Two's quilt.

"Oh, I doubt it's the best--" Number Two interjected.

"Nonsense, Number Two, it's your gift! Don't downplay it!" Nicholas said.

SQ paused, looking at Number Two in shock. "From you?" he asked.

"Well...yes," Number Two said awkwardly. "I helped your uncle pick out some art supplies, true, but this one was entirely mine. Specifically."

SQ tore the paper with reverence and he pulled out the quilt in shock. His fingers were running over the material, his eyes roaming the stiches that Nicholas knew were purposefully and carefully placed. He cradled it close to his chest and broke down in tears. "Oh my god," he breathed. "Oh my god! I love it!"

Number Two shifted from flinching to hopeful at the turn of a dime. "You do?" she asked.

SQ nodded. "The blue is so soft! And it has bird print! And it feels good, too! Where did you find..." SQ trailed off as he spied the tag in the corner. His jaw dropped, and he made a choked sound before he hurriedly tapped on the table, You made this yourself?!

"Yes," Number Two said softly. "I did. Understand me when I say I care about you, SQ. I'm sorry if I don't show it in a way you understand but--" she was cut off in her slowly-growing-watery speech by SQ rounding the table and hugging her tight. Number Two hugged lightly back.

SQ pulled away and hugged the quilt close. "I'll cherish it forever," he said with so much sincerity it almost felt comical to Nicholas.

But Number Two simply beamed. "I'm glad," she said. "I'll admit I was worried you wouldn't like it."

SQ shook his head. "It's perfect," he mumbled, head dipping into the fabric. "I love it."

Number Two smiled at SQ, before turning to Nicholas. "Thank your Uncle, too. He's the one who assured me that you would like it enough that I gathered the nerve to wrap it up," she said.

Nicholas waved off her praise. "Nonsense, Number Two. This whole quilt was your plan, your work. If you needed a nudge to put yourself out there, that's hardly noteworthy, or at least, the person who did it doesn't deserve nearly as much praise. You did all the hard work yourself."

SQ just giggled as Number Two and Nicholas went back and forth. At least he seemed to know the debate was friendly, this morning, as opposed to last night.

When breakfast was over, their little family looked at each other uncertainly. Nicholas was the one who broke the silence first. "I think, considering the circumstances, a day off of work might be beneficial for all of us, and give us some much-needed time together as we celebrate SQ's birthday," he said.

"Oh, agreed," Rhonda said, nodding. "I certainly have a couple ideas for card games we can play, if the birthday boy decides he wants to participate?"

SQ's eyes widened. He nodded, a shy smile on his face. There weren't any spoken words, or any taps of a Sounds nice or Let's do it, but Nicholas suspected that was because SQ didn't think it was necessary. If he didn't need to communicate through words, he wouldn't. And Nicholas realized, in that moment, that he was hoping SQ spoke less as time went on, because he wanted to make sure the boy felt safe enough that he didn't have to force himself to vocalize all his thoughts for everyone to hear. Whatever Nathaniel had done to force SQ to speak, Nicholas hoped he could undo some of the damage. He wasn't sure if he could ever get SQ to be silent, but that was something he could stride for.

As Rhonda went to fetch a pack of cards, SQ going with her, Nicholas mused that undoubtedly, Nathaniel would have appreciated the silence SQ offered at first. The fact that he wouldn't babble as a young child or insist in a loud voice that he needed something. But as time wore on, Nicholas suspected that the lack of verbal communication would have frustrated Nathaniel. Oh, sure, they both understood limited sign language, and Nicholas had kept in touch with Violet enough that he knew it well, even if he didn't practice it frequently enough to be fluent, but if sign language was all SQ ever used, Nathaniel would undoubtedly bristle.

Nathaniel always said appearances were everything. Absolutely everything. Meaning that if SQ didn't speak, he would be viewed as broken by a large, vocal, ableist portion of the world. And Nicholas cringed as he thought about how Nathaniel would work to do anything to ensure SQ appeared to be perfectly average on paper, albeit with higher book intelligence than most. That, too, would have been by Nathaniel's design. And Nicholas knew from conversations with SQ that Nathaniel had only adopted SQ because his birth father worked with Nathaniel and had died. Nicholas had understood instantly that Nathaniel only adopted SQ then to be seen as altruistic and kind, rather than cold and uncaring, if it ever came out that his prior work partner had an orphaned son. Not that he told SQ this; the boy didn't need to know that Nathaniel didn't want him.

...Besides, Nicholas suspected that SQ already knew that.

"Dare I ask?" Number Two questioned in a low whisper.

Nicholas sighed. "I suspect that SQ only speaks because my brother forced him to."

Number Two ran her hands down her face, before interlacing her fingers and resting her chin atop them. "It would not surprise me, based on what I heard," she said. "He understands speech perfectly well, and his vocabulary is enormous, judging by how quickly he goes through books you try to challenge him with. But he definitely does not strike me as a chatty child. When he talks, his body language screams that he would rather do anything else."

Nicholas nodded. "I will admit I'm worried," he said. "What else is he forcing himself to do when we're around, that he could be hurt by? What aren't we noticing?"

Number Two patted his shoulder. "I don't think we're missing anything life-threatening," she reassured. "And if something comes up, SQ can tell us himself, either through Morse Code or speech. Lord knows he'll force himself to speak if he gets too uncomfortable and has to voice his needs."

Nicholas grudgingly agreed. "Much as I wish he wouldn't force himself to speak, if something egregious happens he'll have to tell us," Nicholas said. "And it will most likely come out jumbled because we ask if anything's wrong and he thinks he's in trouble..."

Number Two sighed. "He'll be okay," she reassured Nicholas. "And perhaps, one day, we can get him to be happy, too."

"I certainly hope so," Nicholas breathed.

SQ and Rhonda came back into the room and SQ sat next to Nicholas, practically bouncing in his seat once more. Rhonda brought out several stacks of playing cards. "Okay, what are we feeling like today?" she asked. "Hearts? Bridge? Go Fish?"

Nicholas laughed at the last suggestion. "We could always play 'War' as a warm-up."

"Or BS," Number Two said. "I'm quite fond of that one."

"That's because you know all my tells," Nicholas scoffed. "I'm not letting you win that easily."

"Everyone knows your tells, sir, because you're a terrible liar," Milligan piped up.

Nicholas sputtered and SQ started falling into peals of laughter. It was a sound Nicholas adored, but even so, he had to protect his honor. "I'll have you know I can lie with the best of them!" Nicholas said. "But it's not worth the hurt and the potential fall out to put that much energy into my lies."

Milligan rolled his eyes, and Number Two scoffed. "Sure, sir," Number Two said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Sure."

"I'm not!" Nicholas exclaimed. He was laughing a little in shock, but he didn't think he was at risk of falling from cataplexy. "Swear on my life!"

"Y-y-you'd bett-tter start digging your gr-grave, then!" SQ gasped between giggles.

Nicholas put on an exaggerated affronted expression to make it clear he didn't take SQ's words seriously and SQ laughed harder. "You wound me!" Nicholas cried. "Oh, jail! Jail for SQ! I thought I could trust you!"

SQ was practically crying from laughing so hard, and Nicholas couldn't help but grin a little too. Rhonda shook her head. "In all seriousness, what do we want to play?" she asked.

No one agreed on a single game they felt like, and as the adults bickered and bantered, SQ started making a house of cards. Nicholas did a double-take when he saw SQ building. "My dear, that's incredible!" he exclaimed.

SQ looked between the cards and Nicholas. "Not really," he said, clearing his throat and grimacing. "I'd tap, but I don't wanna ruin it."

"A wise choice," Nicholas said. "I think it's remarkable, even if you don't."

"Oh," SQ said, a blush dusting his cheeks. He had a small, pleased smile as he rested on his knees in the process of building the tower. "Thanks."

Nicholas smiled. "Of course, my dear. I know talent when I see it."

SQ blushed furiously, but he was beaming. "Oh, god," he muttered. "Oh, god. Thank you."

Nicholas smiled fondly and the adults continued talking about games, SQ occasionally interrupting to say what games he knew they listed, and what ones he didn't. He worked on the tower until all fifty two cards were stacked up, and leaned back with a grin. "Nice," he breathed.

"We should get a picture," Nicholas said. "Number Two, where's your camera?"

Number Two stood carefully and hurried out of the room, coming back with a camera and standing in the corner where she could get the house of cards and SQ in the same shot. "Say cheese!" she chirped.

SQ beamed as Number Two took a picture, and when she nodded, SQ knocked the entire thing down in one fell swoop. He laughed. That was fun! he tapped out. I've never had a birthday like this before!

"There's a lot more fun where that came from," Rhonda said. "And remember, tonight we get to have a pizza party!"

SQ bounced even more at that and Nicholas smiled softly next to him. "Since we don't seem to want a card game to ruin all our friendships...does anyone want to play Monopoly?"

That was met with a resounding "No!" from everyone, save SQ, who merely tilted his head to the side. "What's Monopoly?" he asked.

"A board game," Number Two sighed. "One which your Uncle has figured out how to play while winning virtually every time, based on the probability of dice rolls. It's horrendous."

SQ looked intrigued. I wanna try that some time, he tapped, But maybe not today if it leads to yelling.

"Yelling wouldn't be the end of our friendships," Rhonda said, "But I do understand if it would be distressing to you."

SQ nodded.

"So, no Monopoly," Milligan said with a pointed look at Nicholas.

Nicholas held his hands up in surrender. "Okay. Jenga perhaps?"

"SQ would dominate that, as evidenced by his house of cards," Number Two mused. "I'll go get the box."

SQ frowned. Before he could tap anything, Milligan filled in the gaps. "Jenga is a game where you try to build a stack of blocks, multiplayer style. You start with three blocks alternating directions one layer on top of another, and you build it until the tower falls over. The person to make the tower fall loses. It's fun to play with most people, but a nightmare to play with engineers, or so your uncle says."

"If I had a camera at the time I would have taken pictures," Nicholas swore to SQ. "They had come up with a perfectly balanced rendition of a tower that was going diagonally up, instead of lying flat. It was horrific and impressive all at once."

SQ blinked. And it's just wooden blocks?

"Plain wooden blocks," Nicholas confirmed. "Not even weighted a certain way. It's most likely spare wood someone had lying around one day that led to the game."

Number Two returned with the box, took off the lid, flipped it over on the table, and out came a perfectly stacked tower. SQ's eyes widened. "We put it back in just such a way that we don't have to rebuild it every time we want to play," Nicholas explained. "But if you enjoy this, we'll play it as much as you want today."

SQ grinned at the invitation to choose, and reached a hand out nervously, pulling a block from the stack and putting it on the top, perpendicular to the way the layer directly below it was facing. "Like that?"

"Just like that," Nicholas confirmed, grabbing his own piece and placing it on top next to SQ's. Milligan followed, then Rhonda, then Number Two, and around and around they went.

They continued playing, and Number Two was correct in her assumption. SQ was taking all of the difficult pieces with surprising skill. Eventually, Nicholas took the losing piece, and everyone laughed. Again? SQ tapped out.

"Of course," Nicholas said.

They played for hours, SQ only losing once. And when the time for dinner was creeping closer, Milligan excused himself to call for delivery. He returned in short order, whispering in Nicholas' ear, "I told them it was for a birthday, and they threw in some brownies as a treat. Marie herself said she wanted to meet the new addition who has a birthday today when she can."

Nicholas smiled softly. "She always knows us like the back of her hands," he said. "I ought to thank her with a tip."

Milligan nodded and returned to his seat. Rhonda and Number Two had taken to trying to replicate SQ's house of cards in between turns with Jenga, which was slowly becoming more and more elaborate as time went on. Over the course of the afternoon they had also played Sorry, Clue, and even took a stab at Risk, though that fizzled out rather quickly considering the length of the game.

There was a knock on the front door and SQ nearly jumped out of his skin. Nicholas held up a hand as Rhonda stood and headed to the door. She could be heard talking, and Nicholas recognized the voice of the delivery boy who was always sent their way. "...An extra ten for you and Marie, eh? For everything you've done for us, and for the surprise."

"Thanks, Rhonda," the boy said, and the front door closed.

Rhonda came back into the dining room, victoriously holding two pizza boxes and a third, smaller box which Nicholas could only assume were the brownies. Rhonda started singing "Happy Birthday," and everyone joined in, SQ turning red but beaming at the attention. "...Happy birthday, SQ, happy birthday to you!" they finished, Rhonda placing the pizza boxes in front of SQ with a flourish. "You get your choice of pizza slice first. We got pepperoni on one half, because you wanted to try it, and then the other half is a meat lover's, Number Two's favorite. Then on the other pizza we have veggies, which Milligan and Nicholas are partial to, and then pepperoni and sausage because I like that the best when I have to share pizza with someone else. On my own I like chicken and ranch."

"Wh...chicken and ranch?!" SQ asked disbelievingly.

"Don't knock it 'til you try it!" Rhonda said with a laugh. "Next time, though. And Marie threw in a little something special just because of it being your birthday..."

SQ's eyes widened as Rhonda opened the top box to reveal brownies. He looked like he might cry, and Nicholas reached a hand out and rubbed SQ's back. "I promise you can have at least two brownies, but you need to finish at least one slice of pizza first, all right?" he asked with a little laugh.

Nodding, SQ looked extremely overwhelmed, but he dutifully opened the box underneath the brownies and took two slices of pepperoni. Nicholas smiled as Number Two hurried out of the room to grab plates, and they all ate as much pizza and brownies as they could, in the end being able to have only half a pizza with various toppings left over. Nicholas helped a dazed and exhausted SQ to bed, where he snuggled under the quilt Number Two had made for him. As Nicholas closed the door, he smiled. He had never considered having kids of his own, not seriously. But if he could be a guardian for SQ, and they always had moments like this...well, Nicholas certainly wouldn't complain.

Chapter Text

Nicholas heard the gasp from down the hall, but didn't put much stock in it. He knew it was coming from SQ's room, and the boy hadn't been able to sleep well for a while now. It had been this way ever since he came here. An aborted gasp, some silence, a yawn which Nicholas may or may not hear, depending on how close Nicholas was to the door, and then the shift of bedsprings as SQ went back to sleep.

What he did put stock in, however, was the fact that the footsteps that followed didn't go to the bathroom. They didn't go to the kitchen for a glass of water. They came to the study. SQ poked his head into the well-lit study, glancing around. "On the floor," Nicholas said softly.

SQ jumped regardless. Nicholas winced. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

Slowly, SQ crept around the couch and sat down on it primly. Back straight, hands grasped together, tight enough that they were shaking. SQ said softly, "I had a nightmare. I know that I shouldn't come to you so late at night, but I just needed to reassure myself that--" He cut himself off.

"My dear," Nicholas said, "You will never be punished in this house for seeking help from a nightmare. I have had more than my fair share. I know how distressing they can be. If you want to talk about it, you can. If you'd rather not, that's all right too. And for goodness sake, you don't have to present that front around me. Your father isn't here, he can't reprimand you for not being proper, or whatever he called it."

"Presentable," SQ said, grimacing. "He called it presentable."

Nicholas blinked, put down his reading glasses, and sighed. "I presume that the nightmare involved your father, if you're forcing yourself to talk this much."

"You...presume correctly," SQ said, voice creaky, and Nicholas recognized his brother's speech patterns in a near-flawless imitation. He was more than a little worried by this point.

"My dear," Nicholas said softly. "I really don't mind if you talk about it. It was clearly distressing, and I want to assist you, but I can't if you don't let me in. If you don't tell me what it's about, at least tell me if and how I can help?"

SQ cleared his throat, grimacing and staring at his hands. "I dreamt that he came here," SQ said. "That he found you before he found me. He interrogated you on where I was, and you refused to say anything. I could hear everything. I heard him hit you. First with fists, then he tried to use books." SQ nodded to the dictionary currently open on Nicholas' desk. "As he mentioned the dictionary, I ran in to try and stop him, and he gave this self-satisfied smile, because he knew that would get me to come running. And when he had me...he..." SQ swallowed. "He killed you. For trying to take me away from him."

Nicholas took a breath. Then another. He wasn't going to collapse, he wasn't going to collapse, damn it, SQ needed him! He looked up at SQ, then gestured to the couch. "May I sit?"

"By all means," SQ said softly.

Nicholas sat next to SQ, and hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. SQ turned and hugged Nicholas fiercely, crying. "I know he wouldn't care about me that much," SQ said. "I know he wouldn't come looking for me himself. And I don't want him to, because he'd find me. But at the same time, I wish he would, because that'd mean he cares about me. And...and I don't want you to die, Uncle Nicholas, I swear I don't! But I've had this nightmare for weeks now, and I should be used to it but this is the first time he came after you and not me and the first time someone's died and--I'm sorry."

Nicholas took another deep breath. "SQ, it's okay. I understand the nightmare distressed you, but it was only that: a nightmare. I'm alive and well. Your father hasn't come looking for you himself. It was frightening, to be sure. But we're all safe. I hope that reassures you?"

SQ hiccupped but nodded. "Yeah. I think I understand. That's...that's why I came here. Instead of trying to sleep again. I was hoping you'd let me stay and talk if I needed to. And...and I was right."

"You were," Nicholas said, feeling like he might collapse for an entirely different reason now. "And I'm glad you took a chance on me."

SQ smiled softly. "You know...I take a chance with you an awful lot. And you always surprise me. In a good way! But like...I express something, and you don't shoot it down. You let me say what I wanna say, without fear of being told what I feel is 'wrong.' And I...really appreciate that. I just want you to know."

"Believe me, I know you took a chance just coming here," Nicholas said. "And I know I can't fathom how many chances you take with me daily. But I hope that one day, it's not just taking a chance. It's saying what you feel without fear of anything happening, and doing what you want just because you want to, not because you're forced to. And above all, I hope that you can look back on this conversation tonight and feel something within you realize that all of that is possible, or that it already happened, and you can be reassured knowing that I say what I mean. You're free to be yourself here, SQ, whoever that might end up being. I can't wait to see what you're capable of."

SQ stared at his hands, clasped together in his lap once more but no longer shaking. He sagged into the couch, letting his hands come apart and Nicholas sensed that this was a victory to be celebrated. SQ yawned, also a victory if he was feeling tired instead of petrified. "Can you just...stay with me here, a bit?" SQ asked softly.

"Of course, my dear," Nicholas said.

And when SQ leaned into Nicholas, he tried not to jostle the boy as he grew excited about the boy trusting him enough to do that, instead just wrapping an arm around him. After a time, Nicholas risked a glance at SQ and found the boy fast asleep, curled into Nicholas and drooling just a bit, looking for all the world like he might be having his first peaceful rest since he came here.

If Nicholas simply let himself fall asleep on the couch as well, risking waking up with a crick in his neck the next morning just to ensure that SQ slept peacefully, well, SQ didn't need to know.

The two of them both woke up to the sound of a camera whirring after a loud click. Nicholas leaned forward, blinking sluggishly, while SQ bolted upright in such a fashion that he nearly fell off the couch. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake either of you," Rhonda said, holding a camera with a gleeful face. "Just wanted to capture the moment."

"Time's'it?" Nicholas yawned.

"Seven thirty," Rhonda said. "Number Two was starting breakfast and asked me to make sure you hadn't stayed up all night. I saw you two and couldn't help but immortalize the sweet scene."

SQ was bright red. Sorry, he tapped on the nearest wooden surface, the leg of the couch.

"No need to be sorry, my dear," Nicholas said. "Did you sleep well, at least?"

"I...yeah," SQ mumbled. "Yeah, I did."

"Then that's all that matters," Nicholas said definitively. "Trust me, my dear. There's nothing in the world I would rather do than let you have a good night's rest."

SQ smiled softly, grabbed a book and tapped on the hardcover. That had to be the first night I've slept soundly since I ran away.

Nicholas smiled sadly. "Well, I'm glad. Having somewhere that you can sleep soundly is imperative for everyone."

SQ smiled more, a little less soft, a little more alert. He turned to Rhonda. Do I get to have my eggs and toast for breakfast?

"Of course," Rhonda said. "Number Two was making breakfast for herself and myself, and perhaps your uncle. But she knows that your breakfast is important to you, and would make sure she asked you before you got anything else."

SQ made an interesting humming noise, sounding a little like a toy car's engine revving. Nicholas startled at it, but SQ didn't seem to notice. As the boy left, Rhonda looked at Nicholas. "You startled," she said, and it wasn't a question. "You realized something."

"I do believe that he's autistic, or if not, some other flavor of neurodivergent," Nicholas said. "It must be prevalent enough that he suspects something; whether or not he knows is up to debate. But the lack of wanting to speak, the noises, the rituals...it all adds in that direction."

Rhonda nodded. "I was wondering myself," she admitted softly. "It seemed incredibly unlikely that he'd be neurotypical. Beyond Complex Post-Traumatic Stress, that is."

Nicholas blew out a breath and nodded. "I know that noise isn't anything more than a noise, but I do have my suspicions. And if I do make the correct suspicion, I suspect something else: if something happens and we go to infiltrate the school, and we have to leave here, SQ won't take the sudden change quite as well as he would otherwise."

"Let's worry about that after the next round of tests, eh?" Rhonda asked. "No need to worry about sending in spies if we don't have the spies yet. Besides, SQ knows you're recruiting kids. He knows that his father is causing the Emergency. If we have to move, we can frame it as stopping the Emergency--which it is--in addition to keeping us safe. I do agree that we should warn him before we get the team that we'll have to move around when we find them, but if we don't have a team just yet? We don't need to distress him with a sudden change in routine and location."

"It's almost time to take him to the community center," Nicholas mused. "Hopefully that won't be too much of a culture shock for him."

"I think he'll handle it marvelously," Rhonda said. "And if it's too loud or echoing, we can always invest in ear plugs."

"Very true," Nicholas allowed. "I'm a little concerned about it, but hopefully my fears about how he'll take everything are unfounded."

"I suspect they are," Rhonda said, not unkindly. "SQ is bright; he'll adapt quickly. And if he doesn't, he'll have a little help from us to make the transition."

Nicholas nodded and the two of them went to the kitchen, just in time to see SQ jumping and making his hand movements that weren't quite signs, which Nicholas was starting to recognize as stimming. "My, my! Someone's happy!" he chirped.

"I told him that if he didn't mind my tagging along with the two of you, we could go to the community center today," Number Two said. "It's been a week and a half since his birthday; I think with some light protection it'd be safe for the two of you to be out and about."

Nicholas looked at Number Two with shock, and she just shrugged. "You were right," she said. "He needs to be let out. And I'm tired of seeing him wilt away in here. Let him get some sun."

Nicholas slowly broke into a smile. He crossed his arms. "Glad to see we're in agreement," he said, just a little smug.

"Don't be like that," Number Two scoffed. "Or you're not getting any of my breakfast."

Nicholas held his hands up in surrender. SQ grabbed a pan and started making his own eggs. Number Two gave him a few pointers as Nicholas and Rhonda left the room. "It's sweet," Rhonda said. "And he's acclimating quite well."

"I know," Nicholas said with a fond, almost giddy, smile. "It's going better than I could have anticipated. I'm so relieved that he's starting to settle in."

"It's a weight off all of our chests, to be sure," Rhonda agreed.

Milligan walked into the dining room with plates and cups. "I saw SQ cooking with Number Two," he said.

"We were just talking about that!" Rhonda said. "Did he seem content to you?"

Milligan nodded solemnly. "I think that he's starting to really get better. He's recovering from before, whatever before was for him."

Nicholas smiled sadly. "I wish we got the same for you, Milligan."

Milligan shrugged as he set the table. "If it were between me and SQ, I would still choose SQ," he said simply. "There's something...paternal, almost, in me when I see him. He must be protected. And I don't know why, or how, or what caused this feeling, but...I would not trade my memory for anything from him. I think that SQ needs someone for him, in his corner, and I am more than happy to be someone for him. As are all of us, I think. But I want to make it clear I am no exception, and I am not here being bitter about his good fortune and my bad luck."

Nicholas nodded and helped Milligan set the table. "You know, I wonder, sometimes, if someone out there misses the people who are lost the way you were, Milligan. We know the subliminal messages suppress the need to go digging, but what happens when someone disappears? Surely there are people out there who miss you, and others like you?"

"If they do, or there are, I suppose they will be sorely disappointed if they find me and I can't remember them," Milligan sighed. "It's not unheard of for people around here to swear they've seen me before, but never with a consistent name attached. They must be thinking of someone else. Not of me. Not if they're using names like John and Frank and Steven. Bland names. Never Milligan."

Nicholas hummed. "I suppose that is a fair point," he allowed. "I have seen people do double-takes when they see you. Or frown when they could have sworn they saw you before with shorter hair."

Milligan simply shrugged silently, and Nicholas mirrored the action. "The world may never know," Milligan said solemnly.

SQ walked into the room, looked between the two men somberly placing everything at the table, and said softly, "Am I interrupting something?"

"Only dark musings, and you're a lovely distraction away from a spiral, dear," Nicholas said. "Have you finished making your breakfast?"

SQ silently nodded and held up his breakfast plate, complete with eggs and toast. Nicholas smiled and gestured for SQ to sit. The boy did so and Number Two came in with the smell of pancakes following her. "Oh! Number Two, you've outdone yourself again!" Nicholas exclaimed as she served everyone pancakes. She offered a small one to SQ and he took it in addition to the toast and eggs. "You accept additions to your breakfast?" Nicholas asked SQ.

SQ nodded. "But not substitutions, not without warning," SQ said. "Which...uh...reminds me. We need more jelly."

"We can get more jelly later today, when we go into town," Nicholas said. "Does the brand or flavor matter to you?"

SQ nodded again. "It's gotta be strawberry," he said seriously. "And you use the same kind the school used, I think, because it has the same level of sweet and the same consistency."

"Yeah?" Nicholas asked. "It's the kind I had when I was a child at the orphanage. Doubtless it has some nostalgia for both myself and your father."

"Huh," SQ breathed. He tore into the pancake and hummed, eyes lighting up. This is so good! he tapped on the table.

Number Two grinned. "I'm so glad you think so!" she exclaimed. "Maybe some day I can teach you how to flip the pancakes yourself?"

SQ nodded, eager and excited if his slight rocking motion with the stimming hands was anything to go by.

Nicholas smiled fondly and started eating his own food. SQ was grinning into his plate and Nicholas nudged him slightly. "What has you so smiley? I want to replicate it in the future."

I get to go out! SQ tapped. I get to learn new things and I get to go out and I get to be myself!

Nicholas laughed lightly. "I'm very glad that you are getting all of those things, but ideally, you'd get to do all those things all the time. Do you think they'd ever get old for you?"

SQ considered, before shrugging and shaking his head. I doubt it, he replied simply. It's so new, but the fact that I can do it at all now means I'll be thankful for a while.

"I understand." Nicholas nodded. "Freedom is a wonderful thing."

The other adults glanced at each other, and Nicholas glanced at them with a don't bring up my brother-type desperate look.

SQ continued to eat, humming every so often, but by and large, mostly quiet. Rhonda filled in the silence. "So, what sort of classes does the community center offer?"

"I know they have introductory classes to sign language," Nicholas said. "And a variety of intramural sports, as well as a myriad of art classes."

"Mmph?!" SQ's head shot up rather adorably, the noise he made muffled by the pancake in his mouth.

"What kinds of art?" Rhonda asked, starting to grin.

"Oh, all sorts. Drawing, painting, I think, if we're lucky, they might offer sculpture, ceramics, or pottery..." Nicholas mused. "Although from what I understand, there's a slight difference between sculpture, which can use any sort of medium, and pottery, which is traditionally clay. Not to mention ceramics, which is a category that spans sculpture and pottery both..."

"I think that's by and large semantics," Rhonda said, squinting at Nicholas.

"Important semantics if they have all of those classes at the center," Nicholas replied smoothly.

SQ was practically vibrating in his seat and Nicholas tamped down on his smile from teasing to neutral as he asked SQ, "Do any of those classes interest you?"

SQ nodded. All of them sound amazing! he tapped rapidly. I can't wait to see what they offer!

"Well, I'm glad," Nicholas said. "Hopefully it allows you to make quite a few friends, too."

SQ made that toy-car revving noise again and his feet swung under his seat. Number Two startled a little at the noise, but Milligan just got an understanding glint in his eyes. Nicholas asked, "Tell you what, my dear. Would you like to go out first thing after breakfast to look at the options? And we can go grocery shopping on the way back home?"

Yes! SQ tapped. You promise?

"I promise," Nicholas replied. "Once we have an adult who can drive finished with their breakfast, we'll set out."

SQ made the revving noise once more and as soon as he was done with his food, he tapped that he was going to get dressed and was off like a shot. Number Two and Milligan glanced at each other, and Nicholas let them have a silent discussion a moment. "You heard that too?" Number Two eventually asked the table.

"Indeed," Nicholas said. "And it's not the first time he's done something of that ilk."

Number Two sighed and shook her head, apparently worried. "He's going to have a rough road ahead of him if that means what I think it means," she murmured.

"We'll help him through it," Milligan said. "Autistic children have many challenges, but with proper support he'll be perfectly all right."

"You seem awfully certain," Number Two observed, chewing her lip.

Milligan paused, as he often did when someone brought up his unflinching, unambiguous knowledge about information he shared. Drank in the silent meaning of what knowing this might link to his past. "I suppose...I suppose I must have experience with this, or something similar," he said hesitantly.

Nicholas was frowning, muttering to himself. "It's been over half a decade, hasn't it? But if it's been that long, and SQ is eleven..."

"Sir?" Rhonda asked.

"A child typically doesn't have the capacity to form long-term memories before the age of four," Nicholas said. "Of course, we can't be certain this is every child, but most. And some children don't keep memories until the age of five or even older. Milligan..." Nicholas hesitated. Did he really want to consider this possibility? Did he want everyone to make any sort of assumption about this? "If you came here six years ago, it is possible SQ could have been someone you knew, without him having memory of you."

"Knew as in maybe did research about autism because of it? Or knew as in...family?" Rhonda asked.

"Either/or," Nicholas said with a grimace. "It's entirely possible either could be the case."

"I have a feeling that at age five, SQ would at least know his father," Number Two pointed out.

Milligan's face darkened. "Not if his memories were erased," he said, voice going almost deadly. "If it's possible to remove every memory someone has, it can't be all that difficult to cherry-pick what remains in a child's mind."

"So you could be...my dad?" SQ asked, walking in fully dressed. "I...don't know how to feel about that. Not because I wouldn't want you to be. But because of what that would mean. For both of us."

Milligan sighed morosely. "Maybe we shouldn't focus on that possibility, then."

"But...but if you are..." SQ trailed off. He shrugged. "I don't know, it just seems...important."

"It would be very important," Milligan agreed. "But there is also nothing we can do about it whether or not it's the case. I was here instead of with you. There's nothing that can fix that."

SQ looked...distressed, but slightly curious. "I want to know," he said. "I want to know if you're my dad."

Nicholas sighed. "Unfortunately for us, SQ, there's no way for us to verify if that's the case. According to public record, Milligan doesn't exist, and if we were to pull some strings and get a DNA test, your father would most certainly find out. There's nothing we can do in order to verify it."

SQ proceeded to grow more distressed. Nicholas tilted his head to the side and asked, "Can you explain why you're upset? Or what you're feeling?"

"He's nice," SQ said, pointing at Milligan. He pointed in the vague direction of the harbor. "He's not."

Nicholas felt his eyes sting and he took a deep breath. "All very true, my dear. But regardless of whether or not Milligan is your biological father, he is one of the people who is helping to look after you now. Isn't that good? You're not alone anymore. You have all of us. Regardless of how we're related--biological or not, adopted or not--we're your family, if you want us to be."

SQ took a shaky breath, and walked over to the table, tapping with shaking hands, It should be enough. But it's not. Not right now.

Nicholas tutted. "I'm so sorry, SQ. I wish there were more I could tell you. Unfortunately, we only have conjecture and emotions and theories. Any actual answers would have to come from your father. For obvious reasons, we can't go to him."

Adoptive, SQ tapped out.

Nicholas furrowed his brows. "Adoptive?"

Adoptive father. He's not my dad. Not the way he was supposed to be. SQ blinked and tears fell down his cheeks. He doesn't deserve the title of father. So he's my adoptive father.

Nicholas nodded, feeling ever-more-woozy. Rhonda helped him brace himself in his chair. "I see," he said faintly.

You're just uncle, though. SQ tapped. You're not my adoptive uncle. I mean. You are. But you're kind and nice and when you smile it's real. You deserve the title of uncle.

Nicholas fell backwards in the chair and Rhonda narrowly kept him from sliding out of his seat. SQ nervously giggled. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"No need to be sorry," Rhonda assured him. "I can tell he was happy by that news, rather than upset."

Nicholas forced himself upright with shaky arms and mumbled, "Quite right," when he felt he could work his mouth again. "While your...adoptive father may be cruel, and abusive, I'm very happy I could be someone safe for you."

SQ smiled and nodded. "You are," he said softly. "You really are."

"I'm glad," Nicholas said. "Now, when I feel confident I can stand again, shall we get ready to go to the community center?"

SQ's eyes lit up. Please! he tapped in a rush.

Nicholas laughed. "In that case, as soon as I can stand, Milligan can drive us. Sound good, Milligan?"

Milligan ate his pancakes and gave a thumbs up while he was chewing.

"Then it's settled!" Nicholas said, clapping his hands. He tried to stand, but his legs shook. "Oof. One minute," he said to SQ. "One minute, and I'll be just fine."

Take your time, SQ tapped. I want you to be okay as much as you want me to be.

Nicholas smiled softly, but that remark meant it was closer to two minutes before he could stand.

Chapter Text

Number Two and Milligan were giving Nicholas and SQ space as SQ marveled at the bulletin board hung up in the community center. He was flitting between art classes, making interested noises at each one but not saying words. He wasn't silent, per se, but he was his own version of silent that Nicholas was starting to recognize. SQ was occasionally glancing at Nicholas, but paid Number Two and Milligan no mind. Nicholas was counting this as a small success. "What class would you like us to try first, my dear?" Nicholas asked.

SQ hemmed and hawed, looking over all of them. He gestured vaguely, as if to say They all sound interesting!

"I know all of them are intriguing to you, but you do need to pick one," Nicholas said, not unkindly.

SQ looked over the flyers again, before his eyes widened comically and he jabbed a piece of paper repeatedly, hard enough for the paper to make a warbling noise. Nicholas laughed. "Okay, clay sculpture? That's what you want to try first?"

SQ nodded emphatically. Please? he beat the message on his sternum, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough that the sound was audible to Nicholas.

"Of course," Nicholas said, pulling a pen from his pocket and writing both his own name and an alias for SQ, Sven Quagmire. That way everyone could call him "SQ" but they couldn't be tracked using the flyer from the community center, provided these...Recruiters SQ talked about even bothered to read the listings.

SQ bounced on his toes, then rocked back and forth where he stood. His hands moved around from stimming. "Happy," SQ murmured. "Happy happy happy."

"Well, good, I'm glad," Nicholas said. "You deserve to be happy about this, and many other things."

SQ didn't even argue, which Nicholas took as a testament to how pleased SQ was.

Milligan and Number Two were conversing behind them, and Nicholas gave them half a glance. The woman they were talking with looked nothing like the Recruiter woman SQ had spotted earlier, before his birthday. He wondered who she was for only a moment before Number Two pointed in their direction, and he knew that she wasn't a threat by the fact that their presence was mentioned and pointed to outright. She walked over and waved at them. "Hello!" she said. "I'm Belle. I'm the instructor of some of the art classes here!"

SQ looked at her with wonder, and Nicholas smiled. "Hello, we're delighted to meet you," he said honestly. "My nephew here was looking for something to do to keep him occupied in the evenings and make friends. What classes do you teach?"

"Well, I do little bits of everything in my off time, but here, I teach the pottery and ceramics classes!" Belle chirped. SQ gasped and grabbed Nicholas' wrist in a vice grip and Belle laughed. "Don't worry, I don't bite!" she laughed. "Were you thinking of taking one of those?"

"We were just signing up for your ceramic sculpture course," Nicholas said. "My nephew needs to go under an alias due to an unfortunate issue with his father, which is why I have custody. But he goes by 'SQ.' He also doesn't always talk, but I can tell you with complete certainty he thinks you're a rock star."

Belle laughed. "Well, I'm pleased to meet you too, SQ. Both of you, really. I hope to see you in my class!"

"Mhm!" SQ hummed. "Mhm mhm mhm mhm mhm!"

Belle laughed again and waved as she took her leave. Nicholas smiled down at SQ, who was looking up at him, star struck. "I hope that doesn't scare you off from the class?"

"Mm-mm!" SQ hummed to the negative. I want to go more now! he beat on his sternum.

"Well good, I'm glad," Nicholas said. "It wouldn't do to have you scared off something you were looking forward to."

SQ grinned and bounced on his toes. Nicholas couldn't help the fond smile threatening to break free when he saw SQ's enthusiasm. It was contagious--Nicholas himself could feel excitement building based on SQ's enthusiastic energy. When Nicholas and SQ rejoined Number Two and Milligan, SQ was making happy chirping noises, little adorable eeps that Nicholas couldn't help but enjoy. He knew it was because SQ was happy, and for Nicholas, that meant everything in the world.

Number Two was suppressing a smile of her own as she said, "Belle saw the two of you pouring over the class list and wanted to know what had made you two take it so seriously. Technically, she saw us watching you first and asked if we were waiting for the two of you to finish up your decision making. But when we explained we were here because we were your ride, she was more than happy to introduce herself to us and you."

"She seems very sweet," Nicholas said. "And SQ certainly seems all the more invested in the class she's instructing."

"Oh?" Number Two asked. "Did she persuade you to try a different one?"

"No, but she did tell us the one we had just signed up for was one of hers," Nicholas said. "We're taking a ceramics course."

"Oh, that sounds fun," Number Two said genuinely.

"Ceramics can be truly beautiful," Milligan added with a sage nod. "I know that both of you have skillful hands and could make wonderful pieces."

"Thank you, Milligan," Nicholas laughed. "I, for one, cannot wait to see what our budding young artist here makes."

SQ beamed at the three of them and made another happy little eep. He was stimming with his hands, uncontrollably pleased and overwhelmingly happy. Nicholas wanted nothing more than to see SQ do this more and more. But he wouldn't point it out. Doubtless if he did, SQ would try to stop, with Nathaniel being strict as he undoubtedly was. Nicholas knew better than to bring up something with the possibility of SQ closing off.

"Shall we go to the store?" Nicholas asked. "We need more jelly, after all, and some other things might be useful for cooking, right, Number Two?"

"Yes," she said simply. "Come on, we can grab everything and be back home in no time at all. And you can tell Rhonda what happened here, SQ. I know she'll be happy for you."

SQ made the revving noise in his throat and stimmed some more. Number Two gently guided him out of the community center, Nicholas taking a moment to brace himself against Milligan because of the sheer joy he felt towards SQ and SQ's emoting before he continued.

They went to the store, and as they split into groups, SQ followed Nicholas closely, his hands flexing like he kept trying to stop himself from grabbing...something. Judging by how close he was walking to Nicholas, it was probably Nicholas' hand. Nicholas slid his hand into one of SQ's and SQ jumped. "Just want to make sure we stick together," Nicholas said. "After all, it wouldn't do to have you lost. And I know you can walk fine on your own, but it also helps my peace of mind."

SQ gave Nicholas a knowing look. You don't have to frame my worries as your comfort, you know.

"I wasn't sure if you'd want to have that acknowledged, my dear," Nicholas said with a simple shrug. "And it's true, besides. I don't want to lose you in the store."

SQ just shrugged and the two of them made their way to the jelly aisle. Nicholas scoured the shelves, looking for the right brand. Nothing...nothing...there! He pointed out the bottle to SQ. "This is the brand we had at the orphanage," he said, taking it off the shelf and letting SQ observe it. "I've tried other brands, too, after I moved out. My adoptive parents had a soft spot for Crofter's--but I will admit that this brand gives me the most nostalgia."

"Huh," SQ breathed. I've never heard of the other brand, he informed Nicholas. But for now I wanna stick with this one. Maybe another time I can try that one.

"I agree it's probably best to keep the routine similar for now, you're going through enough changes to your life already," Nicholas said. "But if you ever feel up to it, we can always branch out."

SQ gave Nicholas a thankful, albeit somewhat curious, look. You phrased that kinda funny, he beat on his sternum.

"How so?" Nicholas asked.

You called my routine a routine. And you said if I feel up to it, like there's a choice.

"Well, what else would I call a routine? I don't view it as some form of restriction, or idiosyncracies. Routine is healthy and necessary for many children, especially--" Nicholas cut himself off.

"Especially?" SQ asked aloud.

"Especially neurodivergent children," Nicholas finished softly, reluctantly. "Routine is important for neurodivergent children, as is the informed consent of a change to that routine."

"Neuro...what?" SQ asked. "Is that like...a learning disability thing? There were a couple kids on the island who Dad said struggled with being neurodivergent, or having learning disabilities, or both."

"Being neurodivergent can mean you have a learning disability, but it's not exclusive to that," Nicholas explained. "Some of the common forms of neurodivergency include autism, or ADHD."

SQ frowned. "I feel like I'd know if I had that," he said, before coughing, and returning to Morse Code. Dad would tell me if I had been tested and was. Right?

"I would hope so, my dear, but I can't say for certain," Nicholas sighed. "He didn't like admitting to any imperfections, perceived or otherwise. If you had a disability, he would be far more likely to sweep it under the rug and try to get you to behave in a neurotypical fashion. At least, if he remained the way I knew him. Which, considering we were twelve? Is not the most likely..."

Would stopping random movements count? SQ asked.

"I...yes, it could count," Nicholas hedged.

And forcing me to speak?

"Yes," Nicholas admitted.

SQ looked like he might cry, staring at the ground. Uncle Nicholas, I think I might be neurodivergent. Or disabled.

"Nothing wrong with that," Nicholas said. "We'll help you get accommodations you need and if anyone gives you trouble for it, they can come to me."

Including Dad?

"Including your father," Nicholas said. "I need to give him a stern talking-to anyway. This is just an excuse to open the lines of communication whenever I see him again."

SQ offered a small smile. I'm glad you're in my corner, at least.

"Believe me, SQ, when I say there's nowhere I'd rather be," Nicholas said, swaying slightly.

Milligan and Number Two entered the ailse and Number Two said, "I have everything else we need for the next week's dinners," brusquely. "Do you have the jelly?"

SQ held it up victoriously.

Milligan helped Nicholas brace himself upright. "Are you okay?" he asked in a low voice.

"Let it slip that SQ's neurodivergent, and he took it better than I expected, but still not in a strictly positive manner," Nicholas sighed. "I hope he won't have any problems with accepting that side of himself as it becomes more apparent, but I'm not holding my breath."

Milligan nodded. Helped Nicholas stand on his own again. And once Number Two and SQ had successfully finished their conversation, the four of them went to check out. SQ clung to Nicholas' coat. Nicholas didn't fully understand why, especially when there were free hands he could hold onto, but he wasn't going to talk to SQ about why in a dangerously open place like this. "Hi, Mr. Benedict!" the cashier chirped. "How's everything going?"

"Oh, fine, all things considered," Nicholas said. "And yourself?"

"I'm okay, too. You know, all things considered, the Emergency..." SQ flinched. The cashier zeroed in on SQ. "Who's your new friend?"

"Ah. Marcy, this is..." Nicholas trailed off, and chuckled. "Well, you wouldn't quite believe me if I told you the whole story. But at the end of the day, I'm fostering him."

"Oh!" Marcy exclaimed. "That's interesting! I didn't realize you were applying to be a foster parent! I shouldn't be surprised, though. You have a habit of picking up strays. No offense," she added, turning to Number Two and Milligan.

"None taken," Number Two said with a polite laugh.

Milligan shrugged. "It is the truth," he added.

"Well, regardless of how many people you pick up along the way, Mr. Benedict, I think you'll find that kids are quite a handful sometimes." Marcy looked at SQ, clinging to Nicholas' coat. "How old are you?"

SQ cleared his throat, saying, "Twelve," and not a word more.

"Good age," Marcy said with a slight smirk. "You can get into all sorts of trouble. Try to go easy on your old man, huh? He tries, and there's no one quite as good that I know."

SQ smiled, soft and shy. "Same here," he said softly.

Nicholas took a deep breath and forced his weight on his feet. "Thanks for saying hello, Marcy. Hopefully you'll be seeing us around."

"You know it!" Marcy laughed as Number Two and Milligan picked up the bags. "And hey, good luck with the fostering!"

"Thank you," Nicholas said, ushering SQ away as the boy tried to hide further in Nicholas' coat.

"You know, you never told her SQ's name. She's going to ask sooner or later," Number Two said.

"We'll worry about that when she asks, not before," Nicholas said as he felt SQ's grip on his coat tighten. "After all, how difficult do you imagine it would be to describe the situation? Even in terms that others would believe?"

"I imagine it wouldn't be easy," Milligan said, helping Number Two to place the groceries in the trunk.

"Definitely not," Nicholas said. "So we aren't going to bring it up unless we have to."

SQ looked incredibly relieved as Nicholas said this, and Nicholas couldn't help but wonder again. Wonder how many uncomfortable positions SQ had been placed into by Nathaniel. How many times had his boundaries been ignored? Nicholas didn't know. And he was almost scared to find out.

You're brooding again, SQ tugged on Nicholas' coat as they got into the car.

"Sorry, my dear," Nicholas sighed. "I'm afraid I just worry quite a lot."

SQ shrugged. It just makes me uneasy. Not to say you can't do it, but you look a lot like Dad when you do.

"Oh," Nicholas breathed. "Yes, I suppose we both would have similar processes of thinking, and I know we always had the habit of going silent when thinking about something particularly hard. I'm sorry it unnerves you. There's not much I can do to stop it, I'm afraid."

Yeah, I know. SQ beat on his sternum again once they were in the car sitting down. Do you mind me pointing it out?

"It pulls me out of my thoughts enough to respond to the world around me, and perhaps redirect my thoughts elsewhere, so no, I don't mind it at the moment. I do want you to understand that there might come a day where I need to continue brooding after you point it out. There might be a difficult problem I need to think through, and need all my brain's capacity to figure it out. In that case, I might ask you to leave me be if it unnerves you, and that's not you being in trouble, but rather trying to eliminate a trigger while allowing me to continue whatever work necessitates that brooding." Nicholas leaned into SQ and nudged his shoulder, and SQ smiled softly despite the underlying worry in his face. "And I'll keep working to ensure you feel safe, SQ. Of that, I'm certain."

SQ made a soft pleased noise. He didn't quite bounce in his seat, but he did squirm about with a smile. I love you, he tapped, and he didn't even freeze or apologize after.

Nicholas tried very hard to not pass out at that moment, scared it would scare SQ out of saying what he had again, if he realized the magnitude of what he had said at all. "I love you too, my dear," Nicholas said, and while his voice wavered, he was able to stay upright.

SQ grinned at Nicholas, a brilliant, beaming grin. Today is great! Even if it was scary at times, it's been great!

"Glad to hear it," Nicholas laughed.

"We have more things we can do today, as well. It's still only early afternoon. I'm sure you can speak about what happened to Rhonda when we get home, and she'd love to hear about everything. Especially how excited you are about your art class," Number Two said.

Milligan nodded from the shotgun seat. "I know she might want to hear what plans you have for your sculptures as well," he said seriously. "I'm sure she could help you sketch ideas if you have none."

SQ squeaked. "You think?" he chirped.

Milligan nodded again.

SQ made the revving noise and this time, he didn't hesitate to bounce where he sat.

Nicholas smiled softly. "I'm very happy you're excited dear," he said honestly. He reached out for SQ's hand, but when their skin brushed up against each other, SQ jumped and flinched. "Oh. Oh, dear," Nicholas said, "Did I do something wrong?"

SQ shook his head slightly. I just can't do lots of touching right now, especially if there's no clothes in between. Sorry, he explained.

"Oh, that's not a problem my dear. I was wondering why you'd hold my coat and not my hand, but I suppose this answers that. I'm sorry for startling you. Are you about to deal with sensory overload?" Nicholas asked.

SQ frowned and tilted his head to the side in silent inquiry.

"Sensory overload is when someone gets overwhelmed by all the information their brain is processing, and it causes them to shut down. Sometimes it can lead to rather violent meltdowns, other times lead to panic attacks, still others just quietly shutting everything and everyone out until the stimuli gets processed," Nicholas explained. "Usually it starts by one sense becoming overwhelming, such as sight or touch or sound--" Nicholas cut himself off as SQ held up a finger. SQ pointed to his ears, wincing. "Sorry," Nicholas continued in a hushed tone. "When we get home you can either go to your room and wind down, or I can leave you be in the study while I work quietly alongside you. There's no pressure either way, my dear. But I do believe you are approaching sensory overload rather quickly."

SQ squeezed his eyes shut and nodded his agreement.

Nicholas hummed softly, not knowing if it would help or hinder SQ to have something quiet to focus on. They got home and Nicholas gently coaxed SQ out of the car. The boy was squinting uncomfortably in the sunlight, and Nicholas hovered next to SQ until they were inside the maze, and SQ sighed with relief. "Dark," he murmured. "Quiet."

"Better?" Nicholas asked.

"Mhm."

Nicholas waved to Rhonda as she walked over, but before she could speak he said, "SQ's in a bit of sensory overload, so we're going to have to be quiet for a bit, just until he figures out what would be best for him in terms of recovery."

"Of course," Rhonda said in a hushed voice. "Have you offered the study?"

"And his room. I wasn't sure if anywhere else would be dark enough or quiet enough," Nicholas said.

SQ blinked, cocked his head to the side. "Can't tap, it's too loud or too hard on my chest," he breathed. "But why are you doing this? It happens sometimes, yeah, but usually I just have to muscle through it."

"Because it's the right thing to do," Nicholas replied. "We don't want to add to your discomfort, dear."

"That's cognitive dissonance," SQ said, putting a hand to his temple and massaging it.

"How about this: it's faster for you to recover if we allow you that quiet time in a dark room?" Nicholas offered.

SQ frowned. "Still mostly focused on me, but acceptable," he allowed. "Doesn't make me immediately question Dad's methods. Takes a few seconds."

Nicholas nodded. "Now, about that quick recovery: would you rather your room or the study?"

SQ considered. "Study," he said. "I might nap on the couch but I don't wanna be alone."

"That's fine," Nicholas said. "I'll join you."

Together they made their way to the study, Nicholas drew the drapes in and SQ laid sideways on the couch, curling up in a loose ball while Nicholas just worked on making his way through a book he had bought shortly before SQ had come to the house. Rhonda wandered in after a time and quietly asked, "How are you doing, SQ?"

A little better, SQ tapped, before wincing. "Too loud, still," he griped.

"Well, I'm glad it's getting better slowly but surely," Rhonda said. "How was the trip?"

SQ smiled softly. "Really nice," he whispered. "Uncle Nicholas and I signed up for a sculpture course at the center. And we got to meet the instructor, and she seemed real nice. And then we went to the store and got the jelly, even though it was really loud and bright. And Uncle Nicholas told me I'm probably neurodivergent. Which doesn't seem like a good thing, always, at least at first. But it does explain why I feel like this, and makes me feel less guilty about having to hide in here, so I guess it's not all bad."

Nicholas looked up from where he had been reading. "It really makes you feel less guilty?" he asked softly.

"Well..." SQ shrugged. "It makes me beat myself up less. Kinda. Like. I still beat myself up, but then I remember, 'Well, the kids at school who were neurodivergent weren't bad kids for having to take a step back,' and I can stop. Sometimes. Not fully, but sometimes."

Nicholas beamed. It took all his self-restraint to not get louder in his excitement, but he did manage to keep quiet as he said, "I'm so pleased to hear that helps you, my dear."

SQ offered a hesitant grin back to Nicholas. "It's hard," he admitted. "It's hard to see it as a good thing. But you see it as a good thing, and I trust your judgement more than I trust Dad's. So if you say it's okay, I can't imagine why it wouldn't be okay."

Nicholas felt warmth building up in his chest, and before he knew it, he had collapsed onto the floor. Rhonda laughed. "Oh, dear," she said between giggles. "He really loves you, SQ. I can't remember the last time that he reacted like this towards anyone. He came close with me. Close. But not quite like this."

SQ giggled a little as well and as Nicholas righted himself, it very nearly took him right down again to see SQ's smile. Nicholas wanted to protect his nephew with his life, and he knew that sentiment would not be leaving anytime soon. As SQ settled down into the corner of the couch with a book Rhonda offered him, no longer squinting as he turned on a side lamp to read, Nicholas realized a couple things at the same time.

The first, he had an extraordinarily smart, sweet, and compassionate child on his hands. The second, if Nathaniel knew what was good for him, he would continue the search for SQ, because if he didn't, Nicholas would give him a massive earful about how such a brilliant young mind could be squandered by his lack of compassion. And third, but certainly the most important: SQ was the perfect candidate of what Nicholas was looking for in his tests. Smart, quick as a whip, and kind. Someone who loved the truth, and was willing to stand up for it in whatever way was safe, without putting himself in unnecessary risk.

Nicholas needed to utilize that, somehow. He knew that Nathaniel would take SQ back in an instant if SQ was within his grasp, and would make it so that SQ had no desire to foil his father's plans. But if SQ was the perfect candidate...maybe he could help Nicholas polish the tests? Figure out where he might need to shore up some holes or allow for exceptions that Nicholas may not have considered. "SQ?" he asked softly.

SQ hummed and looked up from where he was reading.

"When you're up for it, would you be willing to help me with a project? I think your insight could be particularly useful."

SQ beamed and nodded. "When I feel better, let's do it!" he said in hushed excitement.

Chapter Text

SQ was looking over the first test Nicholas had created with the intensity of any sort of exam that would win an exorbitant prize if passed. Nicholas was watching him across the table, as SQ filled out the questions. He frowned at some of them, and answered a lot of the mathematical or grammatical questions with ease, but paused every time one of the more philosophical or seemingly nonsensical answers showed up. He paused at the last page of questions before the true or false section. "Do you like to watch television?" he asked aloud.

"The messages come from the TV and radio, remember?" Nicholas asked. "If the children don't watch or listen, then they probably have that innate sense of truth. This is the test where we determine if that sense of truth lies within them."

"Hm," SQ acknowledged, tapping his pencil on the table, but not in Morse Code. Then, he paused, looked at the pencil in his hand, and snorted. I forgot you perk up when I tap things, he informed Nicholas. Thinking that I'm trying to say something.

Nicholas paused and realized that SQ was right. He smiled himself. "I didn't realize that I was doing that," he laughed. "You're perceptive."

Wouldn't it be faster to have the TV question at the end?

"Well, the other philosophical questions also give us a gauge of what the child taking the test is like," Nicholas said. "But yes, I do think putting it at the end might work better. Right before 'Are you brave,' perhaps?"

SQ nodded. He then went on to the true or false questions, going with gut instinct if the way he barely hesitated before answering was anything to go by. He closed the test packet and passed it to Nicholas. Nicholas flipped through it, finding every answer to the math and grammar questions flawless, but he found himself surprised at some of the philosophical questions. He tilted his head to the side. "Did you answer these based on your own thoughts or how your father wanted you to think?"

How I would want to answer if I were asked by someone who wouldn't tell Dad, SQ replied. Why?

"Well, some of them mirror what my brother would have responded with, unsurprising since he raised you...but most of them offer a...rational, but compassionate approach. I really don't think my brother would have responded anywhere near what you did. Which is neither inherently good or bad. Compassion is not the end-all-be-all, nor is empathy. But I am surprised how when you are left to form your own opinions...you and I align within ideals rather well."

SQ smiled a little. You really think so? he tapped.

"I do," Nicholas said. "You seem oddly reassured by that. Might I ask your thought process?"

Well... SQ paused. I always worry that I'm turning into Dad in the bad ways. Like, even when I wanted to know what he did, even when I thought he hung the moon and the stars, I knew he was temperamental. He had quite a few flaws, and I always worried that in trying to be him, I was making those flaws mine, too. In such a way that I would also have my flaws, and just be an imperfect person all around. I know, I know, perfect isn't achievable. But I wanted to be as close to perfect as I could get, which in my mind was Dad. And then, when he yelled at me, when he collapsed, when I knew I had to run...I didn't want to have those flaws at all. I didn't want to be anything like him. I wanted to be like you, because you have flaws too but you're...kind. You're who Dad could have been. Had he stopped to think about others once in a while.

Nicholas swayed, and SQ leaned forward and caught Nicholas' head before it rammed into the table. "Sorry," SQ murmured as Nicholas sat up. "I didn't wanna imply that you and Dad are on the same level..."

"You didn't," Nicholas said, perhaps a bit hastily. "You said that we're similar, but we also have many differences. You said you wanted to emulate the good, rather than the bad. And that's admirable, my dear. Truly."

SQ smiled sadly. I see a lot of what Dad could have been when I see you. And I know you wonder what he was actually like. If he was the same, or worse, or better. And I don't know what you remember, what he was like before. But...based on what I say, he's just as bad, if not worse.

"Mm," Nicholas hummed his acknowledgement. "I fear you're right."

SQ nodded. I don't wanna bring up bad memories. But I think we could compare some time. When we're both ready.

"I've had thirty years to ruminate, and I'm still not sure if I'm ready," Nicholas laughed, but he knew it sounded soft and broken to anyone's ears.

That's okay, SQ said. Whenever you're ready, we can talk.

Nicholas nodded. "Are you ready for the second test?"

SQ nodded.

Nicholas passed it over. "Number Two enjoys her theatrics, but she wasn't lying this afternoon when she said it was brutal."

SQ flipped open the first page and his eyes widened comically. "What the hell?" he asked, before clapping a shocked hand over his mouth.

Nicholas laughed so hard he was crying as he collapsed. Number Two rushed in at the sound and fussed at Nicholas until he was sitting upright again. "Remember the instructions, dear," he said, still chuckling. "Put your name on the test, read all of the questions carefully, and put down your answer. And do try not to swear. I know we're not enforcing the silent rule here, but we don't need you cursing like a sailor."

SQ nodded and flipped through the pages, eyes flitting over every question and skimming every answer. Nicholas could see the five stages of grief flitting across SQ's face as he continued, and the swear words swirling behind his face. Then, he got halfway through, and paused. Stopped. Flipped through the first page. His expression darkened and he threw Nicholas a dirty look, while Nicholas was beaming. "You figured it out?" he asked.

"I have half a mind to refuse to answer any of this," SQ informed him.

"That is also a valid form of passing the test," Nicholas replied.

SQ blinked, scowled, and tapped If I knew how that f word that the teenagers used behind Dad's back in school was spelled, I'd use it on you.

Nicholas was shaking as he tried to keep himself calm, and failed as Number Two had to catch him again. She looked at SQ and said, "You know, swearing is generally frowned upon, especially to those who are your superiors or those who take care of you. Authority figures."

SQ shrugged. It was still mean, he tapped.

"Maybe so," Nicholas said, sitting up slowly, "But that doesn't mean it doesn't work."

You made it seem like it was the only thing standing in between these kids and the one thing they truly want. Hiding the answers in the test is clever, sure. But it means a lot of kids won't get the recognition and attention they deserve. Not to say you're obligated to be the person who acknowledges that, but...

"No, dear, I understand where you're coming from. Hopes and dreams being crushed so ruthlessly when the answer is right in front of your face can be rather cruel," Nicholas said. He took a deep breath. "Truth be told, I really disapprove of the deception required to pick these children, but some children merely won't be interested in doing the right thing if they don't have any reason to believe it won't benefit them. And yes, if these children require ulterior motives, they may not be the children we're looking for. But adults most certainly need reason to push their children or children they know into unknown situations that may benefit them. This is just as much for the adults reading the paper as the children taking the tests."

SQ pursed his lips. Have you never run into trouble with the police for lying about this? Has no one complained to the school about you?

"They've tried," Number Two said with an amused huff. "But they can't trace the ad back to your uncle."

SQ squinted. That seems even more dishonest, he replied.

"I hope this doesn't make you upset when I say we share similar philosophies," Nicholas said sincerely. "I hate the dishonesty, but ultimately, feel it is unfortunately necessary."

SQ sighed. I can't speak to how necessary it is. I'm still just a kid, too. I can just speak to how I feel. And I feel it's dishonest. Not needlessly, not necessarily. But it is dishonest.

Nicholas sighed. "Agreed," he murmured. "On that, we most certainly agree."

SQ hummed and put his hand on Nicholas'. I'm not saying you're a bad person.

"I know," Nicholas said. "But 'the ends justify the means' is the exact same logic your father would use when we were children, to do something underhanded. I feel like if I have to use dishonesty in order to get these children I need, what makes me better than him?"

SQ tilted his head to the side. The ends, he tapped.

Nicholas frowned. "I'm not sure I follow."

His end goal is for world peace, or something like it. But at its root, his end goal is control. No matter how he frames it, his end goal is to control everyone. Your end goal is to ensure free will. It will mean people make mistakes, and get messy, and do bad things sometimes. But free will is better than control. We need free will. We don't need more controlling people in the world. SQ shrugged. Your ends don't look the same, and yours might look worse to some. But if we don't make mistakes, how do we learn? If we don't have free will, how can we even be happy?

Nicholas considered. "SQ, I need you to understand something. Dishonesty is not something to strive for. The ends justifying the means is not a healthy, compassionate mindset. While yes, doing something good in the end is something to be proud of, if you hurt people along the way to doing something at the end of the day, that doesn't negate the hurt. Just because I'm trying to stop the Emergency doesn't mean that my using dishonesty is right."

Then why use it? SQ challenged. I don't see why anything you're doing is wrong.

"That's because you have a terrible case of hero worship," Nicholas snipped, before paling. "Shit. Sorry, SQ. I didn't mean for that to come out that way."

SQ looked at Nicholas in shock, before he scowled and tears shone in his eyes. He crossed shaking arms and bit aloud, "How did you mean it, then?"

"You're putting me on the pedestal you had for your father. You think that if I'm doing something good, the bad automatically doesn't count because I'm a 'good person.' That's a defensive mechanism you used to justify your father's abuse. Make no mistake, SQ. I am far from perfect. And my using dishonesty is wrong. But I don't know any other way to get what I need."

"There's plenty of other ways!" SQ scoffed. "You could just say you're an anonymous benefactor who's willing to sponsor children going to the school, and as long as you make it clear you have no official association with the school, they can't even track you!"

Nicholas stared at SQ a long moment, before he started to laugh. The laughter turned semi-hysterical and he had to be caught by Number Two once more. When he could sit upright on his own again, SQ was still pissed, but confused in addition to it. "What?" his nephew asked defensively. "What's so funny?"

"I had never considered that possibility before," Nicholas said with a smile. "But you are, of course, completely right."

SQ frowned. "I am?" he asked.

"You are! And what's more, I don't have to use dishonesty to get the children I need, in that case!" Nicholas beamed. "Oh, I'll have to call the newspaper and edit the advert, but it's a small price to pay for being honest!"

"But...but you were doing a good thing with the dishonesty," SQ insisted. "You don't have to change it if you're doing a good thing."

"Good and bad aren't cut-and-dry, SQ. But telling children that I can give them something they so desperately want and then ripping it away from them is not only bad, but cruel. This way, I don't have to worry about them being burned by my tricks and still get them to help!" Nicholas exclaimed.

"Speaking of cruelty..." SQ was shaking as he said, "What you said to me was cruel, too."

Nicholas sobered. "Yes, I completely agree," he said sincerely. "And you have my deepest apologies. I need to keep better check of my temper. And if you want your distance from me for the time being, I completely understand."

SQ nodded and stood, leaving the table.

Nicholas winced, muttering, "Fuck," under his breath.

Number Two put a hand on his shoulder. "You knew you were going to mess up sooner or later," she said.

"Doesn't make it hurt any less when it happens," Nicholas grumbled. "For him or me."

Number Two nodded. "Any changes he suggested? Any insights?"

"Well, he suggested we move the TV question for ease of access to it," Nicholas said. "And his answers to the philosophical questions surprised me in a good way. I see Nathaniel in him, but I also see his own budding sense of identity."

Milligan walked into the doorway. "Is there any particular reason your nephew might be shaking like he's expecting to be screamed at while sitting on his floor up against his bed, trying to read?" his voice had a dangerous edge to it, and Nicholas had no doubts that if he was found at fault for this, he would be reamed, ripped to shreds, and probably set on fire to boot.

"I said something that I really shouldn't have in regards to SQ's state of mind," Nicholas said, toeing carefully around the issue at hand.

Number Two sighed and ripped the band-aid off. "He told SQ that he has a bad case of hero worship," she said plainly. "And proceeded to explain why he had it, tying into the abuse. I don't doubt SQ expects to be informed that this will make him damaged, unlovable, or unhousable."

"I see," Milligan said icily, glaring at Nicholas for only a moment before moving his exasperated thousand-yard stare to the wall. "I will be back."

Nicholas rose, following behind Milligan slowly. Number Two followed him, saying nothing. The two of them skulked behind Milligan, listening intently as he went into SQ's room. "SQ," he said softly. "I spoke to your uncle."

"I'm leaving?" SQ asked aloud, voice shaky and Nicholas had to brace himself against the wall.

"I would never allow it, first of all, but no, no one wants you to leave," Milligan said. "What he said was unnecessarily cruel. But I think it lends credence to his point. Nobody's perfect. That doesn't excuse his words, but understand that if you go in expecting perfection, or anything resembling perfection, you will be sorely disappointed."

"I know no one's perfect," SQ said.

Milligan sighed. "Intellectually, yes. But emotionally?" he asked. "It's not your fault. You're a child. You want your parent or guardian to protect you, to know what's going to happen. Unfortunately, none of us can do that. I'm willing to bet your father pretended to, and that's why you cling to the idea that we can understand without words and we won't slip up, and we won't hurt you or anyone else. But that's simply not true, kid."

"I don't expect that," SQ said softly. Nicholas strained his ears to hear more. "But I do expect him to know that he should be kind. You said yourself he was cruel."

"He said it in the heat of the moment," Milligan said. "Again. Not an excuse, but an explanation. Have you ever said or done something you knew was mean, when you weren't thinking, or even when you were thinking and just wanted the other person to hurt?" A pause. "Yeah, everyone does it. Not everyone apologizes afterward. Did he apologize?" Another pause. "That's more than a lot of people are willing to do in the heat of the moment or the immediate aftermath. It doesn't make him perfect, or a paragon of virtue. But it does mean he cares about you, kid." A sniffle. "Do you need a hug?"

Rushed footsteps and a soft oomph followed. Nicholas and Number Two looked at each other and walked towards the door, Nicholas intentionally stepping on the creaky floorboard by the door so they'd know he was there. When Nicholas looked inside the bedroom, Milligan had SQ wrapped in a warm hug, and SQ was flinching as he stared at Nicholas warily. "I wanted to apologize again, my dear," Nicholas said. "No one deserves that sort of treatment, and I shouldn't have lost my temper in that moment. I really do love you, and don't want to see you hurt. That includes by my hands."

SQ looked away, closing his eyes and a few tears slipped out. "More than Dad did," he laughed, watery. "That's more than Dad did, or even said."

"I'm so sorry, Shep," Nicholas said. SQ's head snapped up and over to Nicholas, and Nicholas could barely get out a, "Bad nickna--" before SQ had come over and crushed Nicholas in a desperate hug.

Nicholas hugged back lightly, before the risk of cataplexy passed and he strengthened his hold. "Dad only used that when I was really little," SQ said. "And only when he was really proud of me. It's not a bad nickname. It's a love nickname. You love me."

"More than words can say," Nicholas breathed. "And I'm so, so incredibly sorry."

SQ nuzzled into Nicholas' chest. "It's okay," he said. "Or, what you said wasn't okay. But I forgive you."

Nicholas smiled proudly. "An important distinction," he said. "I'm proud of you for making it."

SQ huffed, taking a step back and swiping at the tears on his cheeks. Is it okay if I work in the puzzle room? he asked. I want to sit and think about this. You can join me, but I don't want to talk.

"You're more than welcome to work on the puzzles, dear," Nicholas said. "However I may need to do quite a bit of talking myself, so I won't join you right away."

SQ nodded and rushed off with one last smile and Nicholas felt like his legs might buckle. "Sir, sit down," Number Two insisted, guiding him to the nearest chair, which wound up being about ten feet away, outside the study. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be blaming myself for a while," Nicholas murmured. "But physically I'm fine. Emotionally, I'm worried, but what else is new?"

"You handled the situation well," Milligan said. "And you allowed SQ to create the boundaries he needed, rather than trying to dictate when and where he interacted with you. It's the bare minimum, but I doubt he had that before coming here."

Nicholas took a deep, albeit shaky, breath. "Yes, and that's what worries me," he breathed. "We all know I'm not perfect. No one here is. But SQ has the unfortunate tendency to believe that we know more than we do, or can communicate with him without necessarily using actual communication. And this notion is definitely going to lead to some hurt feelings down the line. That, combined with my occasionally short temper, could lead to SQ feeling that nowhere in the world is safe. And what will he do then? Run away again? Do worse? And none of us would be any the wiser about who knows what's he's up to or how hurt he is? It's just not safe! His mentality, or this current situation!"

Number Two sighed. "There's nothing we can do to dissuade him of the notion if we don't want to screw up around him. Granted, our screw-ups often lead to rather spirited debates or outright arguments because we communicate well enough normally that any breach is egregious. Is there anything we can do to explain this to him in a way he'll be able to grasp conceptually?"

Milligan hummed. "Maybe we should verbalize the obvious?"

"That his father is at fault? That my brother did this?" Nicholas asked miserably.

"No," Milligan said, frowning. "You shouldn't be blaming yourself in the first place, but that is not remotely what I meant. I meant, what if we state what is obvious communication to us, in front of SQ? Remember when none of us could understand that Rhonda undoing her braids meant she was at the end of her rope and needed a change?"

Nicholas' eyes lit up. "You know, that's a good point!" he said. "Maybe not explaining to SQ what each gesture means, but verbalizing what the gesture means to whoever is in the room could be incredibly beneficial for not only him, but us in general, as well. After all, if we get SQ in the habit of seeing open communication, he might open up to us more as well."

"Always a good thing," Number Two mused. "Can you stand?"

Nicholas got up slowly, and stood on his own. "I should check on my nephew," he said, the words warming his chest. "Thank you for helping with that. I think verbalizing our communication is a lovely idea, Milligan, and I think if either of you can bring Rhonda into the loop when she's back from shopping, I would greatly appreciate it."

Number Two and Milligan nodded, and Nicholas went to the puzzle room, knocking on the open door. SQ didn't jump, but sent Nicholas a glance before going back to his work. "Is it all right if I sit with you and help?" he asked.

SQ looked up, frowning. Yeah, he tapped. You never ask after I've said I'm okay with something within the past two hours, though.

"Well, I generally can read by your body language how willing you are to hold to your word in that time," Nicholas said, sitting down on a free side of the table to SQ's left. "But speaking with Milligan and Number Two, I realized that perhaps we all could benefit by communicating what we want and need verbally. After all, you know what happens when you assume?"

SQ frowned, and shook his head.

"It makes an ass out of you and me," Nicholas said with a smug little smirk. "Glad I could teach you that one."

SQ blinked once, twice. Slowly, he started to giggle. Good one Uncle Nicholas, he tapped.

"Wish I could say I came up with it," Nicholas chuckled. "Nathaniel taught it to me when we were eight, and he had been speaking to some of the teenagers from the nearby city who had come out for a field trip. And once he learned a few choice swears, he always had the worst habit of using them at the exact right comedic time to get me to fall into cataplexy."

SQ smiled sadly. Though I bet he didn't get your permission for it.

"No," Nicholas sighed, "He didn't. But let's not ruin the moment we have right now by reminiscing on that for too long. You've made quite a bit of progress in this puzzle."

SQ grinned proudly and the two of them got to work, comparing pieces and fitting them together slowly but surely in companionable silence. Nicholas knew this would be a rare moment. He knew he should cherish it, and not take it for granted. He only hoped that his anxieties about this being a rarity that would eventually disappear were unfounded.

Chapter Text

Nicholas was growing accustomed to SQ being in the house. While it was true that SQ was never an unwelcome presence, the shock and novelty of Nicholas having a nephew, and that nephew lived with him did result in quite a few stumbles, or outright falls. Nicholas didn't resent SQ for this, but he was relieved when he realized he could hear SQ's footsteps around the house and not be hit with a stranger, not be hit with his nephew, but only to think, ah, SQ. Nicholas couldn't think of another way to describe it, really. Just the...relief and happiness that he was acclimating to SQ being around. And SQ was acclimating as well. He called Number Two "ma'am" significantly less when he had to speak to her, and when tapping to her, he almost relaxed. He was starting to josh around with Milligan, which Milligan seemed to take in much better stride than Nicholas had ever expected him to. And SQ and Rhonda were always chatting about art or something SQ could participate in, or work on, or keep him busy. He was building relationships with everyone, and Nicholas was overjoyed.

Now came the true trial: taking SQ out of the house and into a new environment.

Nicholas was walking into the community center, SQ clinging to Nicholas' right hand in a vice. It wasn't bustling with a crowd that might occur at one of the art shows or theatre performances, but it wasn't silent either, by any means. The art classes were filtering in and out, so there were lots of people milling about. SQ looked overwhelmed, or possibly simply incredibly anxious. Nicholas wasn't sure which pained, panicked expression SQ was wearing. The distinction was there, but indiscernible to Nicholas as of yet. "Anxious? Or overwhelmed?" Nicholas asked.

SQ cocked his head to the side, considering. Yes, he squeezed onto Nicholas' hand.

"Do you want to go home? There's no pressure to stay if you don't want to," Nicholas offered.

SQ vehemently shook his head. I want to work with the clay, he informed Nicholas firmly. I know we have to do intros and stuff, but Belle promised we'd be able to work with clay the first day on the sheet!

"She did?" Nicholas mused, "I must have not been paying attention to that part."

SQ hummed, his free hand flapping much more limply than the happy locked-wrist he usually did. "Are you distressed?" Nicholas asked.

SQ grimaced, nodding. "Loud," he murmured. "Loud loud loud."

Nicholas fished his free hand into his coat pocket, and pulled out the earplugs he had invested in for SQ, the washable ones with a cord that connected them. He plugged them into SQ's ears and SQ sighed in relief, shoulders sagging. "Better?" Nicholas asked. He knew SQ could still hear him and everything else with the ear plugs in, but he made sure to ennunicate a little more to ensure that SQ didn't just hear more murmuring and the crowd was easier to tune out.

SQ nodded, smiling softly. Nicholas guided SQ into the sculpture class' room, where Belle was chatting with a few other people. SQ lit up when he saw her. Nicholas chuckled softly. Belle looked over and grinned. "And there they are! The men of the hour!" she declared. "I was just saying how you were the last two to sign up for the class! I officially have sixteen people to teach in this class now! It's exciting!"

"Sounds exciting!" SQ chirped.

Both Nicholas and Belle startled. "Oh, you have a lovely voice, SQ!" she exclaimed. "But don't feel like you have to use it for my sake, okay?"

SQ looked briefly shocked, before he smiled, soft and shy. "Thanks," he murmured. "Uncle Nicholas, can you translate for me?"

"Of course, dear," Nicholas assured.

SQ made a pleased little eep and rocked from side to side. Quickly, he squeezed Nicholas' hand. "He likes to use Morse Code for most interactions," he explained at Belle's questioning glance. "And he says he really appreciates you not forcing him to talk if he doesn't want to."

"Oh, of course," Belle said. "I know plenty of people who are shy, or just plain quiet. If you don't want to talk, you shouldn't have to. And if you want to talk, great! But if you're doing it for my sake, that's just not fair to either of us!"

SQ beamed, even with tears in his eyes. Nicholas squeezed SQ's hand. Surprised your boundaries are being respected? he asked.

Yeah, SQ replied. But I don't want to think about that too much.

"Understandable," Nicholas murmured. "Shall we find somewhere to sit?"

SQ nodded and the two of them sat down next to each other in the second row from the front. SQ squirmed happily, occasionally flapping his hands close to his mouth, making little chirps with a massive smile. Nicholas watched him fondly.

The others who were talking with Belle prior sat down, and as a few final people filtered in, Belle clapped and waved. "All right! I see a lot of familiar faces here, but I'm excited as always to get to know a few new ones! How about we all start by saying our names, favorite color, and how much experience you've had with clay, if any, and once introductions are over, we can start making!"

SQ was practically vibrating. They went around the room, everyone introducing themselves. Half the people in the class had apparently been taking it for years, while others had one done a semester here and there or only experimented in their off-time. When it came time for SQ and Nicholas to introduce themselves, Nicholas went first. "All right, well! My name's Nicholas, my favorite color is green, and I haven't worked with clay for...years. I think the last time I did was for a college course as a fine arts requirement. And this is my nephew, SQ. He doesn't always talk a lot, but his favorite color is blue, and...how much experience do you have with clay, my dear?"

Just the kiddie air-dry clay that you can buy at dollar stores, SQ replied.

Nicholas laughed. "Apparently, this will be his first try at proper clay. And I can tell he's very excited about it."

SQ nodded shyly, and Belle laughed. "All right! That's everyone, so let's get to work!" She passed out small blocks of clay and said, "There's no pressure to make anything specific, just do what comes naturally to you! If you need any pointers, I'm here, but by-and-large I like my students to take the lead in creation!"

SQ inspected the clay block he was handed curiously. He poked it, weighed it in his hands, and then, finally, squished it. His eyes widened comically and Nicholas laughed. "Yes, this is real clay, not the air-dry polymer that's difficult to manipulate and comes in a plastic bag," he teased.

Enraptured, SQ looked at Nicholas, then at the clay in his hands. He took the clay in between his palms and started rolling it. Nicholas hummed at his own clay, and started breaking it into smaller pieces, which he hoped to make into two (most likely poorly-rendered, admittedly) people.

Belle came over to their table and sat down in a chair the row in front of them backwards. "What are you thinking, gentlemen? Nicholas, I see you're working on some figures there? Human?"

"I imagine so, yes," Nicholas said. He turned to SQ, who was staring at the sphere he had made. "SQ? What are you working on?"

SQ tapped on the table with his fingernail, I have no idea.

"He has no clue," Nicholas said, trying to avoid looking amused. "The world is just bursting with possibilities, isn't it?"

SQ nodded.

Belle hummed. "Hey, you could always start simple, with a pinch pot."

SQ tilted his head to the side in question.

"Okay, take the clay you have there, right? And stick your thumb into the sphere, deep as you can."

SQ did so.

"Now you just keep your thumb in there, and pinch the sides until they start to form a wall. It won't be very big with that amount of clay, but it could hold small trinkets or spare change as a start," Belle suggested.

"Or clay birds," SQ mused aloud.

"You like birds?" Belle asked.

SQ nodded seriously.

Belle nodded right back. "I can help you make a couple for the pinch pot, when you're done with it, if you want."

SQ gasped, grinned, and nodded eagerly.

Belle laughed and stood. "I need to check on the others, but keep working, and remember, I'm here whenever you're ready," she said.

I love her, SQ tapped to Nicholas as she walked away.

"Well good, I'm glad," Nicholas said with a twinkle in his eye. SQ had started to work on the pinch pot and Nicholas worked on his own piece for the length of the class. When the time came to wrap up, Belle gave them all large plastic bags to cover their work and place in lockers in the back of the classroom. SQ was practically bouncing next to Nicholas as they exited the building. "That was fun, wasn't it?" Nicholas asked aloud.

"Mhm!" SQ agreed.

Number Two was waiting outside with the car when they exited the building. She regarded SQ fondly. "Someone enjoyed his first class, then," she said. "Good. It would be a shame for you to be miserable with it."

SQ revved his throat and flapped his hands. It was amazing! he beat on his chest. Belle agreed to help me make birds for a bowl I'm making, and no one questioned me not talking, and it was great! I love it! A week is such a long time to wait!

Number Two smiled softly. "I'm sure we can find ways to keep you occupied," she promised.

SQ beamed and Nicholas stumbled into the side of the car. SQ startled but Nicholas just laughed. "Don't worry about me, my dear," he said in between chuckles. "After all, I've had more hard knocks than soft falls when it comes to cataplexy over the course of my life. And if I stumble once or twice purely because you're happy, I'd say that's a fair trade-off, wouldn't you?"

SQ looked dissatisfied. My happiness shouldn't come at your expense.

"It's not coming at my expense, my dear. I'm happy because you're happy. And if my happiness shows differently, that's perfectly okay. And Number Two is right here, we don't need to worry about my having a terrible spill if she's around. Right, Number Two?"

"While I am not infallible, I do know quite a few of your tells," Number Two agreed. "You'll be safe. Although I suspect that's not what's distressing SQ, here."

"No?" Nicholas asked curiously.

"No," Number Two said. "I imagine that part of it is that he doesn't want you to be hurt, but part of it might be...negative experiences with cataplexy in the past."

"Ah," Nicholas said softly. He didn't know what else to say. He turned to SQ and tried, regardless. "I will be fine, my dear. As will you. No one is going to be hurt from an accidental spill. Even if my ego gets bruised, there won't be any hurt feelings. Worst comes to worst and I take some painkillers. Truly, it's not a problem."

SQ hummed doubtfully, tilting his head to the side. My happiness shouldn't come at your expense...and if I make you feel strongly enough that you experience cataplexy...maybe I'm doing something wrong.

"No, my dear," Nicholas insisted softly. "If you're happy, you're doing something right. I truly don't care if I'm injured from cataplexy. I'm used to it. And while that may distress everyone around me, and I understand that's a problem, I would rather have a spill from the both of us being happy than from the both of us being distressed."

SQ crossed his arms, and considered this new information a moment, before he replied, I see your point. But I don't like the thought of you getting hurt.

"Because you're compassionate," Nicholas said. "And that's an admirable thing to be."

SQ sighed. Then, he smiled softly. Do you think Rhonda and Milligan will want to hear about tonight?

"I do," Nicholas said, relieved at the change in topic. "I can't wait to hear what they have to say about everything you're planning to make."

SQ squirmed happily as he got in the back of the car. Nicholas joined him, and gave the boy a grin of his own. "You know...I think maybe, just maybe, we're going to be okay," Nicholas said. "Both of us."

I hope so, SQ replied. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't end up okay.

Nicholas smiled, bittersweet. "You'd end up okay no matter what, I'm sure," he said. "You're an intelligent child, and you bounce back remarkably quick. It's more myself that I doubted would be okay. But you're proving to me day by day that there's hope for me yet."

How so? SQ asked.

"Well, I could always be worse!" Nicholas chirped. "I could be my brother!"

SQ blinked once, twice. Then, he burst into peals of laughter. Nicholas gave another, wider grin as Number Two sighed, getting in the car and starting to drive. "Are you always intent on making SQ lose his mind?" she inquired.

"If it's to laughter and joy? Absolutely," Nicholas said.

Number Two shook her head, but she had a fond smile as she said, "I don't want your nephew to lose his voice in a painful way from laughing too much, sir."

"Oh, he'll be fine, I'm sure of it," Nicholas said, giving SQ's shoulder a squeeze. "Won't you?" he asked.

SQ nodded as his giggles trailed off. I think I'm okay losing my voice, he tapped. More of a reason to not speak.

Number Two hummed her understanding. "Well, you don't have to speak in the first place. Convenient that all of us know Morse Code, true. But we would have found alternate ways of communicating no matter what if you didn't want to deal with struggling to be understood when speaking is painful for you."

SQ made the revving noise in his throat. You're all so nice! he thumped on his chest. I love you!

Nicholas collapsed forward into Number Two's seat. The car went alarmingly silent. Then, ever-so-softly, Number Two replied, "...We love you too, SQ. Truly."

Nicholas forced himself upright and stared at the ceiling of the car, breathing deeply through his nose and out his mouth. "She's right," he said, voice wavering. "And I, for one, am so very relieved you feel comfortable enough with us to share that infor--" and he was down again.

SQ tittered, quite nervous.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Number Two said in a surprising display of tenderness. "And we don't need to tell the others if you're not ready for them to know. But know that we feel the same, and we're happy you feel that way."

SQ nodded as Nicholas sat upright. SQ's hand snaked its way into Nicholas', and Nicholas gave it a squeeze. "It's all right," he murmured to SQ. "It's all going to be all right."

You sure? SQ asked.

"As sure as anything," Nicholas said. "It's scary to realize that sort of thing. Especially after what you've been through. But you'll be okay. I'm fairly sure we wouldn't let you be anything else."

SQ sniffled but nodded with a grateful smile. "'M scared," he admitted in a voice scarcely above a whisper.

Nicholas kissed SQ's temple. "I know you are," he said. "But you don't have to be. And I hope that one day, you won't be at all."

SQ nodded again and gave Nicholas a hopeful smile, which Nicholas readily returned. Number Two pulled into the driveway and said, "We're back," softly.

And in an instant, SQ was out of the door like a shot, making chirps as he dashed over to Rhonda, who had walked out of the house at that moment to greet them. She was laughing as SQ tried tapping out in rapid succession a play-by-play of the night, but he kept stumbling and stimming in the middle of his explanation, which made for some interesting translations.

"SQ, slow down!" Rhonda laughed. "We have the whole night to talk, we have the whole week before you go back! Honestly, I promise you we have time to go over all the options without you talking a mile a minute!"

SQ just laughed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. I'm just excited! he defended. Can you blame me?

"There's no one to blame," Rhonda said. "But the fact remains: we have the whole week to talk before you go back. Allow yourself the chance to breathe, practice your Morse Code a bit so I know you're not making a 'bitch pot' and instead a 'pinch pot,' okay?"

SQ blinked, cocked his head to the side. I said that? he asked.

"You came closer to 'bitch' than 'pinch,' but missed the mark on both," Rhonda said, biting her lip in an attempt to stop grinning. "All I'm saying is you don't have to go so fast. You're not in trouble; quite the opposite, really. I'm excited that you're so happy, but you must go easy on yourself."

SQ took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, nodding. It was hurting my chest a little to go that fast. It's all tingly now, he admitted.

"We'll find something else for you to use in the meantime," Rhonda promised. "Until then...I just have one question: are you ready to go back?"

SQ nodded like a bobblehead and followed Rhonda inside as she discussed her own experiences with sculpture. Nicholas sighed happily as SQ took off. Number Two glanced at him. "Rest against the car as long as you need," she advised.

"He's just...happy," Nicholas breathed with wonder. "A month away from his father and he's already so different. He's an entirely different person when he's allowed to be a child. It's amazing. But it's also saddening, knowing that my brother would never know the real son he has. Instead, he sees a facsimile that is only the parts he wants to see. And that doesn't leave a lot of the real SQ behind."

Number Two nodded, though she looked dissatisfied. "Not to say you aren't allowed to feel that way," she said, toeing gently around what she was trying to say, "But I don't understand why you would care what your brother sees of his son. He lost the right to see that the second he mistreated the poor boy. He's quite an amazing child; bright, exciteable, and happy. But he's that way because you are caring for him. Not your brother. He's coming out of his shell for you. And if he couldn't do that for his father, then perhaps...perhaps it's for the best that he never sees who his son is slowly becoming."

Nicholas took a shaky breath and Number Two placed a steadying hand on his shoulder. He sighed. "I know you're right," he said. "But I won't be able to stop mourning what could have been overnight."

"Nor should you," Number Two said. "You need to process that as much as anyone else would."

Nicholas made a dissatisfied noise.

Number Two slowly led him inside the house. "It's true," she said. "You need as much time to process everything emotionally as everyone else. I know you pride yourself on being ahead of the curve, sir, but emotions don't follow a set, strict schedule in the best of times. And this is hardly the best of times."

Nicholas grumbled. "I hate that you're right," he mumbled. "But you most certainly are."

Number Two tutted. "I used up practically all of my empathy on SQ in the car," she said. "But I have enough sympathy in stock to advise you to take all the time you need. I'm here to listen if you need to talk, as are Milligan and Rhonda. You don't have to do this alone, sir. You may have once upon a time, but you're not adrift without company any longer."

"I appreciate it, Number Two," Nicholas sighed with a soft smile. "I truly don't deserve you."

"But you're stuck with me; I've ensured it," Number Two stated primly.

There was the sound of startled laughter and Milligan swung into view with both arms wrapped around SQ as he spun in circles. "What's going on here?" Nicholas asked.

Milligan paused in spinning just long enough to say, "A sneak attack," before he began again and SQ continued to laugh.

Nicholas giggled a little himself as he strode forward. "Why a sneak attack, Milligan?"

"Your nephew looked a little wound up, sir," Milligan said. "And I figured that giving him a little spin might succeed in getting him to tire out faster."

"Or rev him up further," Nicholas rightfully pointed out, gesturing to a now emphatically squirming SQ. "I think we'll both be very fortunate if he falls asleep before ten, now."

SQ yawned between giggle fits and Milligan gave Nicholas a smug look. "I told you so," he gloated.

Nicholas sighed. "Did you hear about his adventures tonight? He had a rather good time."

"I heard pieces," Milligan said. "Not the full story."

"Do you want to hear the full story?" Nicholas asked. "Because you may have missed your chance to, tonight."

SQ looked like he might nod off in Milligan's arms. Milligan gently let SQ down and the boy swayed a little on his feet. "Tomorrow is perfectly acceptable," Milligan informed the two of them. "Why don't you go to bed, SQ? You can tell myself and Rhonda all about the adventure in the morning."

Nicholas glanced at Milligan quizzically as SQ nodded and stumbled off. "What happened?" he asked in a low voice as he shuffled forward.

Milligan held up a finger and pointed towards SQ, who was still in earshot. "Out of the maze," Milligan advised. "In the study."

Nicholas walked with Milligan and Rhonda to the study, and Number Two followed after them with a gesture from Rhonda. When all of them were in the study, but SQ could be heard having a shower, Rhonda spoke. "We went to grab a few things in town while the three of you were at the community center. And we think we saw a few of the Recruiters SQ spoke about. How did he describe their cologne?"

"Spicy, with just a hint of antiseptic or hand sanitizer," Nicholas supplied. "You smelled that?"

Milligan nodded. "They were pretending to check gas meters in the area we were around, but they were clearly on the lookout for something, or someone," he said solemnly.

The four of them sat in uneasy silence. "Nathaniel doesn't care that much, does he?" Nicholas eventually asked. "Did I misjudge him?"

"They were across the street from an orphanage," Rhonda said. "Not the city one. One for special needs children. Where not a lot of questions get asked about the residents. We think they were looking for someone there. Not necessarily SQ, though he could be a target. Just not their main one."

"Regardless, it's good to know, and a good idea to be on the lookout," Nicholas said with a nod.

Number Two frowned. "Why that target, though?" she asked. "Why would they try to target children with special needs? There has to be a reason for it."

Nicholas hummed. "Sometimes children who are psychic display as special needs," he mused. "It's entirely possible Nathaniel wanted to utilize a psychic child for...something. Would that affect how well the Emergency is broadcast? Would it increase the power or the receptiveness of the audience?"

"It's not out of the realm of possibility," Number Two mused. "Regardless, thanks for telling us. Even if we can't pinpoint motive, we need to know to be more alert when we're out and about."

"And now we will be," Nicholas said. "I know I won't rest easily unless I know SQ is safe here in the house."

"You never rest easy anyway. Narcolepsy," Rhonda pointed out.

"Metaphorically," Nicholas sighed, but there was fondness in his tone. "Metaphorically rest easy."

Chapter Text

SQ was lying face-down in the study when Nicholas walked in. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "Are you all right, my dear?" he asked. "Milligan was rather startled when he flipped you while the two of you were roughhousing and then all of a sudden you dashed off."

A shaky thumbs-up was all he got by way of reply. Nicholas sighed again, louder. "Your shaking leads me to believe otherwise, my dear," he said, soft but not yielding, firm but not unkind.

SQ shakily pushed himself up on the couch, squinting in the light from the windows, a tissue wadded up into both his nostrils. "Ah," Nicholas breathed. He closed the drapes and crept closer to SQ. "Is that at all better, my dear? Less stimulation?"

Slowly, ever-so-slowly, SQ stopped squinting and nodded slowly. Nicholas sat on the table and held a hand out, towards SQ's cheek. "May I see your nose?"

SQ's face crumpled but he nodded.

Nicholas gently prodded SQ's nose and he yelped, hands flying up to his face as Nicholas' hand retreated like he'd been burned. "Sorry!" Nicholas hissed, wincing in sympathy.

SQ was blinking back tears, and he brought the tissue out of his nostrils. It came back crimson red. "Oh," Nicholas breathed. "Oh, my dear, I'm so sorry. I need to talk to Milligan about the two of you roughhousing. Both of you should go a little lighter on each other, but Milligan can correctly identify overexertion or overstimulation faster than I can."

"Don't make him in trouble," SQ said, voice trembling and creaky. Nicholas jumped. It was the first time SQ had spoken all day. "It was an accident, he didn't mean to."

"I know he didn't," Nicholas said. "That's why he's not in trouble. Nor are you."

"'M not?" SQ asked curiously.

"Of course not, my dear," Nicholas said. "No one should be in trouble for an accident. It's unfortunate enough that you got overstimulated and gained a bloody nose in the first place. I think that's punishment enough, don't you?"

SQ nodded with wonder and no small amount of awe-struck gratefulness. Why? he asked, beating the question on his chest.

"Why, what?" Nicholas asked.

Why are you always so nice? Why do you understand that accidents can just happen? Why can you-- SQ stopped. Sniffled. A dribble of blood trickled down and out his nose. Why can you understand the truth but Dad can't?

Nicholas tutted, grabbing a fresh tissue and dabbing away the blood. "I suspect he does understand, on some level," Nicholas said. "But not on the level you want him to. On that level, he has the deep-rooted need to be right. To look infallible. To be unflappable. And on that level, he can never admit he made a mistake, or even be perceived as making a mistake in judgment. That includes allowing you into reckless situations and you getting hurt. If he couldn't foresee that, of course, he'd see that as a flaw. And he always loved acting as though his flaws were nonexistent, punishing those who questioned him."

SQ's lower lip trembled. I know, he hesitated, before continuing Every time I did something stupid, I wouldn't hear the end of it for days.

Nicholas bit his lip. "Is it all right if I hug you, my dear?" he asked softly.

SQ lept into Nicholas' waiting arms, and he started to cry softly. Nicholas held him tight and murmured, "It's not your fault. It was never your fault," on loop until the boy's cries died down. When they pulled apart, SQ's nose was running, blood trailing rather aggressively down his face. Nicholas laughed despite himself and dabbed it away again. "It's unfortunate that you got a bloody nose right before crying," he said. "Because it doesn't exactly help the bleeding to stop."

Humming his acknowledgment, SQ nodded. I'm glad touch is still mostly okay, he tapped. Because I really need your hugs sometimes.

Nicholas smiled warmly and ruffled SQ's hair. "I'm glad they help," he said by way of reply. "Are you able to leave the room and tell Milligan you're physically unhurt other than a bloody nose? Or would you prefer I do it while you finish dealing with the overstimulation?"

SQ pointed to Nicholas.

"All right, no problem. I'll let him know, you just rest," Nicholas gently instructed.

SQ nodded, curling into the side of the couch and reaching for a book on the table Nicholas recognized as being the one which SQ had been chipping away at the past several days. Nicholas stood, walking out of the study to find Milligan hurrying towards him down the hall. "He's not anywhere in the house, I checked everywhere except--" Milligan stopped in his tracks. "...He was in the study?"

Nicholas gave a weary sigh and nodded. "A bloody nose," he said. "Along with overstimulation."

Milligan winced. "I shouldn't have flipped him," he said with certainty. "His feet hit the ground with more force than usual and his hands flew into his face on instinct. Doubtless, he hit just the right spot to cause it to bleed."

Nicholas nodded. "Unfortunately, that is most likely what happened. I calmed him down. And neither of you are going to be in trouble for that, however I will ask that you be more careful with him in the future?"

"Of course," Milligan said. "The last thing I want is to see him hurt, and even as I was doing it I realized it was going to be the wrong move--too late to correct course, but I did realize."

"And for that reason, I don't ask you to stop roughhousing. Because it's good for SQ to test boundaries and you know where the boundaries that shouldn't be crossed are. Just ensure that you don't tread so close in the future." Nicholas gave a melancholy sigh once more. "He brought up my brother again. I understand he needs to in order to process what he's going through, but every word he speaks about Nathaniel makes me want to murder him more."

Milligan blinked. "You spit his name like a curse."

"Once upon a time I was scared to utter it, worried that if I did, my adoptive parents would send me back," Nicholas said. "And while the context has changed, I fear that his impact has not. That name is just as emotionally charged for me now as it was when we were children."

"Unfortunate," Milligan said. "But understandable."

Nicholas sighed. "I shouldn't be dredging up old memories like this. I shouldn't be venting to you about it with the expectation that you'll just listen and listen and never grow uncomfortable."

"I volunteer to listen to you," Milligan said. "You know if I were uncomfortable I'd say something. I'm not one to lie about those things."

"Yes, yes," Nicholas muttered. "You're right, as always. I just--I can't--my brother! My brother being capable of such cruelty is both unimaginable and painfully transparent. I don't want to...I can't just sit idly by as this happens, and SQ needs a safe place to speak about these things, but I don't want to acknowledge that hurt. I don't want to acknowledge that my brother is capable of such atrocities."

"You're between a rock and a hard place," Milligan agreed. "Whatever choice you make, sir, will undoubtedly still be the right one, I'm sure of it."

"What if I make the wrong choice?" Nicholas asked, voice soft, and small, and fragile in a way he rarely let show.

"Then you'll make it the right choice, come hell or high water. A step backwards or to the side doesn't mean you can't still move forward," Milligan said.

Nicholas sighed, but gave Milligan a grateful smile. "How do you always know just what to say?"

"I know you," Milligan said. "I know what you need to hear. And what's more, it's often the truth."

"What are the times when it's not the truth?" Nicholas asked, suddenly feeling dread bloom in his stomach, and he took a shuddery breath.

"Oh, then it's usually inconsequential. At least, for most. Like the way you manufacture peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

"The orphanage couldn't afford peanut butter on both sides of the bread!" Nicholas yelped, "And it's not an issue of soggy bread if you eat it right after it's made!"

"But so often you're not eating it immediately after," Milligan said. "And so that's why, in my mind, I'm lying when I console you over the way Number Two makes the sandwiches."

Nicholas grumbled.

"Okay, but. Is this a serious matter?" Milligan asked.

"...No..." Nicholas admitted.

"Would I ever lie to you on a serious matter, even if it spared your feelings?" Milligan pressed.

"...No. No, I know you wouldn't," Nicholas sighed. "My head and my heart are just...not the same."

"Your brain has Post-Traumatic Stress and your heart has anxiety," Milligan said baldly. And when Nicholas yelped again, Milligan just shrugged. "Tell me I'm wrong."

"If I did, I would be lying," Nicholas sighed. "...Thank you, Milligan."

"Of course," Milligan said with a curt nod. "I do hope SQ's okay."

"I think he'll be fine given a little more rest." Nicholas sighed, shrugging. "Overstimulation is a fickle thing. I know more than most."

Milligan squinted. "Is this an admission of being on the spectrum?"

"It's an admission of a suspicion," Nicholas hedged. "I mean, doctors debated..."

A pregnant pause. "...If they debated, sir, then odds are high you have it and those who tried to tamp it down were ableists."

Nicholas winced. "I was just...an odd child, is all. Nathaniel trying to keep me from acting the oddball wasn't being ableist, it was helpful. I needed to socialize, I see that now."

Milligan gave Nicholas a searching look. "You should have been allowed to come out of your shell in your own time," he eventually said. "I don't care if it was teachers, doctors, or your brother who forced you to do otherwise: that's ableist."

Nicholas scoffed.

"Would you say the same of SQ?" Milligan suddenly asked.

"What?"

"Would you say the same of SQ? That he needs a little force to come out of his shell? That with the right pressure we could keep him out here even when he's overstimulated, get him acclimated?" Milligan asked.

"Of course not, he's autistic, that won't make things better for him, it will make them worse!" Nicholas blustered.

Milligan tilted his chin up in challenge. "And did your own anxieties and difficulties with overstimulation get worse when your brother forced you out of your shell?"

Nicholas felt an icy fury writhe through his veins. "Stop it," he seethed. "I see what you're doing, and I don't approve."

"I don't give a damn if you approve or not," Milligan said evenly. "You're placing yourself on an unfair standard, holding yourself to closer scrutiny than others. Just because you don't match every symptom doesn't mean you don't have a disorder. Sir," his voice softened, and Nicholas' hackles raised, "It's okay. Just as SQ is allowed to be autistic, so are you."

Nicholas was shaking, teeth chattering as he spat, "Shut up!" Milligan's eyes flickered over Nicholas' shoulder, and Nicholas couldn't find it in him to care why. "I don't care what you say, I'm not damaged, I'm not developmentally disabled, I'm not that fucking freak Nathaniel said I wa--!" Nicholas fell forward into Milligan's waiting arms.

He heard SQ's voice behind him, so small, smaller than he had ever heard him before. "I'm not...Why did he...He said neurodivergent, not autistic. In the grocery store."

"Is there a distinction that is important in that?" Milligan asked, gently placing Nicholas on the ground.

There was no sound for a minute. Then, SQ forced himself to speak again. "Dad said that out of all the developmental disabilities, autism was the hardest to...to manage, to handle, in the kids." A shaky breath. "He said that he never willingly and knowingly let a child with autism on the island, knowing that they would disrupt the school's function too much. Once they were actually on the island, the best he could do was manage, but he was never happy about it. And Uncle Nicholas treats it like it's bad too...but if I am..." Nicholas pushed himself up on shaky forearms, and SQ was staring at him with wide, terror-filled eyes. "...I'm too much to handle."

"No, my dear, that's not tr...true," Nicholas said, gritting his teeth and forcing the words out. "You're not, and never would be, too much."

"That's what Dad said. And you called autistic people freaks," SQ said, wrenching the words from his throat every sentence, his face wincing and scrunching up every time he spoke. "Because I don't care what you say; if you're arguing you're not autistic and not a freak in the same sentence, that's how you view it."

Nicholas' arms shook harder, and he fell back to the floor. Frustration was rising into his throat and making it hard to speak. "Autistic people aren't freaks," he insisted. "The fact that my brother made me out to be one is not the point of this conversation."

"I think it is," SQ said, thoughtfully cocking his head to the side. "You think I'm damaged? I'm developmentally disabled? A freak?"

"No!" Nicholas hissed, arms shaking harder than ever as he tried to force himself up.

SQ shuffled forward, grabbing Nicholas' cheeks in his hands, and said, serious as ever, "Then neither are you. Dad's a sucky person. He said lots of lies. Autistic people, freaks? I think that was one of them. I saw him when no one else did. He never sat still when he was alone. He fidgeted, he would rock on the balls of his feet, he'd flick his fingers. When he was alone, he let that show. When anyone else was nearby, who wasn't me? He was still, his posture ramrod straight, it was like he was acting in a play and just saying the rehearsed lines over and over. He rehearsed responses to things. That's not something neurotypical people do."

"I...no," Nicholas sighed. "No, it's not."

"And you do that too."

"...Yes, I do that too."

"When you don't know someone, you go still, the more comfortable you are around them, the more you move." SQ snorted. "Add Dad being a massive hypocrite to the list, but what else is new? You're autistic and he's autistic. But if I'm autistic and I'm not a freak, than you can be autistic and you're not a freak."

Nicholas took a shuddering breath. "How are you still speaking?"

"I have no idea!" SQ chirped. "Every word I speak is like dragging rusty nails in my throat! But it's better than being viewed as lesser or my words being ignored because they're not verbalized."

"Stop forcing yourself to communicate in ways that you're not comfortable with. Now. That's an order," Nicholas growled.

SQ's hands fell away and he shrugged. Still not a freak, he beat on his chest.

Nicholas let his head drop to the floor and let out a low groan.

Did I break him? SQ asked.

"Maybe a little," Milligan said. "He'll be fine. He might have a meltdown first, but he'll be fine."

Nicholas' breath hitched, and he wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying at being so well-known crossed with the terms for autistic traits and actions being used on him. Either way, he was in hysterics in moments.

"See? The process has already started. He'll be fine in an hour or two," Milligan said, picking a still-hysterical Nicholas up bridal style. "Let's get him into bed and let him rest for a while. He might be dealing with an overload of emotions and that often leads to physical overload as well."

SQ walked beside Milligan, Nicholas' hysterics starting to trickle off, but he found himself too exhausted to try and worm his way out of Milligan's grip. Milligan opened the door to the master bedroom and SQ beat out, He has a weighted blanket?

"Yes, he does," Milligan said.

And he still thought he wasn't autistic? SQ asked in apparent disbelief.

"Denial is more than a river in Egypt," Milligan said, fussing with the pillows after he put Nicholas down on the bed. "It's also a hell of a drug."

"Swearing," Nicholas mumbled.

"Right," Milligan said, looking down at Nicholas, before giving a vague resemblance of a smile to SQ. "Suffice to say, when it comes to your uncle's well-being, odds are he's the last to realize something is wrong. Too busy focused on others."

We should fix that, SQ declared.

"How do you propose that?" Milligan asked, escorting SQ out of the room.

Nicholas was out cold on the bed before he could even hear SQ's reply.

When Nicholas woke up next, it was to the sound of someone crunching on some sort of food in the doorway of his room. He looked over to find Number Two staring long and hard at him. "You didn't know?" she asked.

"Know?" Nicholas asked.

Number Two snorted. "I thought you knew you were autistic and just never mentioned it. It didn't exactly need to be spelled out for me."

Nicholas' face heated up. "Am I the last person in this house to find out about my own mental state?"

"Always," Number Two said with a vague smirk that resembled Rhonda's in that quiet, victoriously smug way. The look disappeared and Number Two continued looking him over. Nicholas squirmed. "Honestly, the fact that you can't even maintain eye contact should have been a clue enough, sir. You knew full well you had it, but you repressed that knowledge because you weren't ready. But there's hope yet."

"Is there?" Nicholas asked dully.

Number Two nodded. "You could always be worse. You could be your brother."

Nicholas blinked, slowly starting to chuckle. The chuckle turned into hysterics in moments and when the cataplexy was over, Number Two was standing at his side in bed, and SQ and Rhonda were entering the room. "Oh, good, you're up!" Rhonda said. "SQ had something he wanted to tell you."

"Oh?" Nicholas asked, sitting upright and placing his hands in his lap. "What is it?"

SQ poised his hands in a way that mirrored Nathaniel, and Nicholas found the level of seriousness that his twelve-year-old nephew carried with him bordering absurdity. "I have a trade offer," SQ said.

Nicholas found himself chuckling despite himself. "I would take you more seriously if you weren't forcing yourself to speak."

"Ah, but that's the trade offer," SQ said. He looked smug as he said, "For as long as you take care of yourself, including not beating yourself up for disabilities, and looking after your health when it's clear you can't help others first, I will keep myself from forcing my way into painful positions, including speaking. But if you eff up, I will yell at you to take care of yourself. I won't even be forcing myself to do that. It will be instinctual, so don't think for one second I'm putting myself in more pain just because you're hurting yourself." He coughed, voice cracking as he said, "And yes, I can and will sound like my dad when I do it, which will undoubtedly get on your nerves. Take care of yourself, you dumb bitch."

"Language!" Number Two snapped.

But Nicholas was laughing. "You raise a fine threat, my dear. Make no mistake."

SQ shrugged, hands still in that ridiculous pose. "I learned from the best. Do we have a deal?"

Nicholas hesitated despite himself. Yes, taking care of himself was important, but surely...surely he could worm his way out of the condition to be selfish once in a while?

SQ made eye contact with Nicholas and Nicholas' breath caught despite himself, eyes skittering away even as SQ struggled to maintain it. "Uncle Nicholas, you can't even keep your eyes trained on me for half a second. You're autistic, and if you beat yourself up over that, I'll make more associations that it's bad. You don't want that."

"No, I don't," Nicholas acquiesced. He sighed. "But I do protest to being selfish in this trade offer."

SQ threw his hands up in the air and let out a low groan. Rhonda's lips quirked up. "I told you he'd say that," she informed SQ.

Then he has chosen violence, SQ beat on his chest. But before Nicholas could ask for clarification, he got it in SQ mimicking Nathaniel's behavior to a T, crossed arms and scowl firmly in place as he said, "You know that taking care of yourself isn't selfish, Nicholas. How many times do I have to tell you that if you don't take care of your appearance, your attitude, and your body, no one will want to be around you?"

Nicholas blinked. "How many times did you receive that speech too?"

"Too many!" SQ chirped with a massive grin. "And he never listened to himself: he never took care of his attitude."

Nicholas guffawed. "No, he didn't," he laughed as he tried to keep himself from collapsing again. "No, he really didn't."

"Do you accept the trade offer?" SQ pressed.

Nicholas sobered. "I don't have much choice if I want you to take care of yourself, do I?"

"Speaking isn't inherently bad for my health," SQ said. "The glass in my throat is frequently metaphorical if I speak enough. It's just disuse that makes it painful as it is right now. But I agree that the translation process into speech is a massive pain in the butt."

Nicholas frowned. "You're still using your health as leverage to get me to maintain my health. And that, my dear, is not healthy. For either of us."

SQ sighed. "Dad'd do it," he defended petulantly.

"Because he's such a paragon of self-care and virtue," Nicholas snarked.

SQ snorted and grinned despite himself. "You still need to take care of yourself."

"As do you," Nicholas pointed out.

SQ sighed. "New trade offer," he proposed, not even doing the hand pose, his hands too busy gently rubbing his fingers together limply at his sides to do anything else. "If I don't take care of myself, you remind me to, but I get to do the same to you. Without calling you a dumb bitch, unless you're doing something really stupid."

"How about not calling me a dumb bitch at all?" Nicholas asked. "Because I don't treat you like you're lesser just because you're a child. And insulting me is treating me as if I'm lesser."

"Oh," SQ said softly, propping his head up on the heel of his hand. "Okay. No swearing at you. But the rest of the trade offer is non-negotiable."

"It's healthier in that respect, anyway," Nicholas said. "I accept."

SQ grinned. Cool, he replied. I was getting real tired of speaking anyway. You haven't been sleeping well at night because you're too busy trying to help me fall asleep to keep track of when you're ready to go to bed. Please stop.

Nicholas blinked. "I...had not been realizing I was doing that. Don't you need a presence around you sometimes that reminds you you're away from your father in order to fall asleep?"

I have Number Two's quilt, and the little trinkets Rhonda's gotten me, and you helped me pick out softer pajamas that I love, and Milligan's snores across the hall are all reminders on their own. SQ shrugged. I like when you're there, but it's not necessary in the way you think it is. Not anymore.

Nicholas made a soft "huh." Then, "You've grown into your own, dear. I'm so proud of you for that."

SQ beamed. Thanks, he replied. I had a question about the Fibonacci Sequence.

Nicholas' eyes lit up. "Yes?" he asked. "What can I help you with?"

Do you have to start the sequence with one? Or can it be any number?

"Well, the traditional Fibonacci Sequence as we know it starts with one, yes, but any two numbers plus the sum of their parts does qualify as a Fibonacci Sequence. However, it's usually called a general Fibonacci sequence in that case, rather than the traditional or classic sequence."

I think math could be your special interest, SQ commented.

Nicholas froze. Did an internal assessment and forced back the retort that he wasn't autistic, and so that word wasn't for him. "You know? You might be right," he allowed.

Number Two and Rhonda shared a look. "We'll...leave you two to talk," Number Two said slowly.

"There is certainly much for you to talk about," Rhonda added.

And when the two left, SQ leapt onto the bed and continued to volley questions about math at Nicholas, which always made him smile a little giddily as he readily answered every last one.

Chapter Text

Life went back to its own sense of normal soon after Nicholas' revelation, except it didn't. Not really. Nicholas was hyper-aware of every mannerism he had, every movement he made, every way his speech became stilted or rehearsed, every emotion he couldn't easily define and explain. He felt like he was a specimen to be examined, a freak at the circus. And logically, he knew this wasn't the case. He knew everyone here accepted and loved him, no matter what diagnoses he would or wouldn't have. But he still couldn't get over everything Nathaniel had told them when they were kids. Everything he had thought true for the longest time.

He was doing puzzles to try and keep himself from becoming overwhelmed a couple days after the revelation. He was trying hard not to demolish all the hard work he had made on this puzzle in the past. He was struggling immensely on that one allegedly simple task.

SQ wandered in and sat at the table opposite Nicholas. He didn't say anything, and Nicholas couldn't bring himself to prompt a conversation out of his nephew, not least because he didn't want to have one.

You know, SQ said eventually, You said being neurodivergent wasn't the end of the world in the supermarket.

"Yes?" Nicholas asked, not looking up from the puzzle.

Well, SQ continued, I thought that was because you knew you were neurodivergent.

"I suspected, yes, and I always wondered if I might be autistic," Nicholas said. "But I always convinced myself that wasn't the case."

Because of ableism? SQ asked.

"Because of your father being an ass about it when we were kids. Despite pretending to know people, he didn't know how the other children worked, at all. Neither did I, of course, but your father became adept at manipulating others to do what he wanted. Meanwhile, the other children saw me as the quirky, absent-minded kid who got swept up in his brother's current." Nicholas sighed. "I suppose we both showed the signs for it from a very early age. But that doesn't make knowing this any easier."

So because of ableism, SQ filled in.

Nicholas snorted despite himself. "I appreciate the attempt at levity, SQ, but that's not what I need right now."

What do you need? SQ asked.

"I don't know," Nicholas sighed. "And isn't that the worst thing of all? I need something, someone, I need this to make sense. But none of it does. And nobody can make it that way."

SQ gave Nicholas a sad look, which he couldn't even return with a glance. He got up from his seat, hands gesticulating wildly as he said, "I don't get it. I should be happy figuring this out, I should be relieved that I don't have to keep searching and searching for an answer, and what's more, it's a way to connect with you, to find a way we can bond and grow but I can't get past this sinking feeling in my stomach that--"

--Uncle Nicholas, SQ tapped.

Nicholas stopped. Swayed. Took a couple deep breaths to keep the cataplexy away. "Yes?"

It's okay to be sad.

"I'm not sad." Nicholas shook his head vehemently. "Why would I be sad, when I have as good a life as I do right now?"

Because brains are weird, and you're allowed to feel however you feel. Do you think I should have just "gotten over it" when I left my dad and found out he lied to me about everything I knew and forced me to act neurotypical? SQ challenged.

"No, but...but I should be held to a higher standard," Nicholas stubbornly insisted.

Why? Because you're an adult? SQ snorted. Or don't tell me: because my dad was your brother and if he can do it, then you can.

Nicholas flinched like he had been slapped.

SQ paused. "Oh," he breathed. Uncle Nicholas, Dad got angry or sad or upset all the time. But he bottled it up. He didn't let himself feel it. You do. And that's a good thing.

"Is it?" Nicholas asked dully.

Yes, SQ tapped emphatically. Because it means you care enough to not lash out at people. You care about how you feel, you don't just assume all feelings are evil. You let yourself be vulnerable, something he never did. And that's good.

"I appreciate you trying to help, dear, but--"

"--Dad's such a paragon of virtue and self-care that if you can't mimic him, all is lost?" SQ snarked.

Nicholas took a deep breath, leaning against the chair's back. "If you don't leave the room right now, SQ, I may say something that we will both regret. Please leave."

SQ opened his mouth, before thinking better of it and closing it with a click. He left without another word.

And Nicholas collapsed to the floor.

When he had his senses about him again, the shadows had moved across the floor. He remembered vaguely deciding to just sleep after the cataplexy wore off, but he thought he had resolved to get up and go to bed before he did so. He sat up and rubbed a hand down his face, groaning. He'd be feeling that poor decision in every crick in his back and neck, and every creak in his shoulders and knees for the next week, minimum.

Number Two appeared in the doorway. "Where have you been?!" she snapped. "We've been looking for you for an hour!"

"I've been right here," Nicholas mumbled, yawning. "On the floor. Apparently."

"Sleep attack?" Number Two asked.

"The most likely explanation, yes," Nicholas said, accepting Number Two's hand in standing and he got off the floor with a groan.

"You scared SQ," Number Two said the moment he was standing again. "He thought you were going to go nuclear on him like his father apparently did."

Nicholas tried very hard not to sway and fall over at that news. He failed at swaying, and only remained standing by Number Two's steady hands. "I...made a poor word choice," he eventually managed. "'Say something we will both regret' is a trigger for my nephew, I fear."

"What happened?" Number Two asked.

"He made a flippant comment about my holding myself to a higher standard than most. He had a point, but he could have been gentle about it, instead of smacking me upside the head with his opinion."

"Eye for an eye," SQ quipped, his voice clipped and sharp from the doorway.

"Leaves the whole world blind," Number Two interjected before Nicholas could reply. "I understand your uncle has crossed boundaries of yours without realizing it, SQ, but that doesn't give you the right to hit back when you know it will hurt. Explain to him why he shouldn't do something, and he'll listen. Despite looking like your father, he does have standards on human interaction that aren't deplorable."

"Ouch," SQ deadpanned.

"Oops," Number Two replied. "What did I say?"

SQ huffed, looking away, and tapping on the doorframe. You all think Dad is evil. And maybe he is. But even if he's only my adoptive father, he's still my father. Part of me wants to believe he's good. Part of me wants to believe he's proud of me. Part of me-- he took a deep breath, and his fingers were shaking as he tapped, --Part of me still loves him.

"Ah," Number Two said. She looked at Nicholas, and Nicholas stared blankly back. Neither of them, apparently, knew what to say. "SQ...I'm sorry," Number Two said as SQ turned to leave. "I should have realized that. The fact that I didn't is on me."

"I don't know why, considering I never said anything," SQ said with a shrug, voice flat. He remained in the doorway, but he looked fatigued. His eyes were rimmed red. "You can't know what I don't tell you, right?"

"While that's true, my dear, some things are also just glaringly obvious or appear to be fact at first glance. Looking for it, it's easy to see that you love your father still. But we weren't looking, and that's where the blame comes on us. I do hope you can forgive us." Nicholas took a shaky breath and continued, "And I do apologize for being short with you earlier. The subject of my brother and my...well. The subject of my brother is still a rather touchy one for me. And in the interest of communication, I'd ask that you refrain from making jokes about my trying to live up to what he expected me to be. After all...you do the same. You of all people should know why that hurts."

SQ considered. Nodded. Yeah, okay, he tapped out. Makes sense.

Nicholas nodded as well and smiled sadly. "If only we had communicated this well in the first place, right?" he laughed lightly.

We'd need less conflict resolution, yeah, SQ agreed. He was shaking like a leaf.

Nicholas tutted. "I suspect that you don't want touch right now?" he asked.

SQ vehemently shook his head.

"That's fine," Nicholas said. "Do as you wish around the house, dear. I'll be here when you're ready."

SQ beat a hasty retreat.

Nicholas sighed, a very quiet groan accompanying it.

"It's not inherently your fault," Number Two said. "The one you should be blaming is your brother."

"I know," Nicholas said.

"And you know if you admitted that you were autistic, as SQ is, he might be more open to trusting you," Number Two pointed out.

Nicholas growled, "I know."

"Not to mention--"

"--Number Two, please, for the love of god, just stop for a moment." Nicholas ran his hands through his hair, tugging at it. "Just stop."

Number Two stopped. She held out a hand just above his shoulder, and he shied away from it. She sighed, but nodded. "Understandable," she allowed.

Nicholas grumbled darkly, "He ruins everything he touches!"

"I know the feeling," Number Two said softly. "And I hope that one day you can be proven wrong."

"Don't hold your breath," Nicholas scoffed, tears stinging in his eyes. "There's no way he would prove me wrong. Not after all he's done, all he's still doing. Look at how he treated his own son!" And the words that followed were ones he never intended to speak aloud, but were broken and desperate. "Look at how he treated me."

Number Two sighed. "Sir, sit," she instructed, pulling out the chair from the table that held the puzzle until Nicholas sat heavily on it. "Your brother does not ruin or break everything he touches. That's all-or-nothing thinking, and is not helpful for looking at a situation rationally."

"Maybe I'm tired of being rational!" Nicholas exclaimed. "Maybe I want to be angry! To be upset! Maybe I want to feel instead of being some sort of monolith that everyone goes to for comfort, who doesn't need anything in return! I'm human, Number Two! I need to be upset every once in a while!"

"I know," Number Two said. "You wouldn't be having a meltdown right now if you allowed yourself to feel. But," she added as Nicholas gave her a scathing look, "All-or-nothing thinking still isn't conducive to processing those feelings."

"I'm not having a meltdown!" Nicholas hollered. "I'm not!"

Number Two stared at him, face dangerously expressionless.

"Stop staring at me!" Nicholas demanded, standing from the chair and standing at his full height for just a moment before he curled in on himself, crying and screaming. He blindly grabbed for Number Two, who quickly sprang into action.

A sweep of her legs at his feet had him sprawled on the floor, and when Rhonda and Milligan could be heard rushing into the room, Number Two took a step back. "I don't know what's gotten into him," she said. "He's just...he reached for me, and he looked so furious, I just..."

"No, looking at him, I understand why you did it," Rhonda said.

"He's defending himself the only way he knows how," Milligan said. "As are you."

Nicholas forced himself onto all fours shakily. Number Two and Rhonda were carefully not looking at him, while Milligan leveled him with a stare. "Sir, you need to take a breath," Milligan said.

Trying to stand, Nicholas fell to the floor rather quickly again. Milligan approached. "Sir. Take a breath."

Milligan took another step forward and Nicholas demanded, "Stay away from me, damn it!"

And, to Nicholas' never-ending frustration, Milligan stopped. "If you're looking for a fight, sir, you won't get it," he informed Nicholas calmly.

Nicholas howled, angry and broken and terrified. This whole scenario made no sense! He was supposed to get in trouble, to fight back and bite and scream until either someone overpowered him or he wore himself out. And then someone would scold him for his behavior, and he'd feel worse, cry, and then level out. Being placed in a room where everyone could defend themselves and would do so without inflicting unnecessary pain was just cruel! It wasn't fair!

Without warning, something soft was dropped on Nicholas' head, and he stopped screaming, confusion overriding his rage. It was soft but heavy. Like a weighted blanket, but thicker. He reached for it and the layers were too thick to be a single strip of a blanket. "If you tear it, I'm not gonna be the only one who's pissed at you for it," SQ said matter-of-factly from behind Nicholas. "Are you okay?"

Nicholas was shaking all over. He didn't understand how anyone could ask him that question and not know the answer already. He curled into a ball and refused to respond.

"The worst of it is over," SQ said, though Nicholas suspected that information wasn't directed at him. "When Dad got a shock to his system with similar, he'd not be able or willing to work himself back into a rage. Don't worry. He won't hurt you if you try to move him. But you probably should. The floor isn't a super comfy place to sleep. And he'll need to."

Nicholas was unceremoniously picked up, and he blinked through his tears to see that SQ had dropped his quilt, the one Number Two had made him, over Nicholas' head. "How are you feeling, sir?" Milligan asked as he adjusted Nicholas in his arms.

"I hate you all," Nicholas rasped. "I hate all of you."

"He doesn't mean that," Rhonda said, staring directly at SQ as she said it.

"No, I know," SQ said. "I feel the same after I break down."

Nicholas was carried to his room and placed rather unceremoniously on his bed. SQ sat on the mattress next to him, despite numerous protests from the other adults. "He needs someone," SQ said. He coughed. "And while I don't feel safe enough to tap rather than talk right now, I can be that someone. Let me help."

"I'll stay with him," Milligan volunteered as Number Two and Rhonda protested again. "That way you don't have to worry about him getting hurt."

Why in the world would they assume that Nicholas would ever hurt SQ?! Fresh tears formed in his eyes and his breath caught.

"Uh-oh," SQ breathed. "Hey, it's okay, Uncle Nicholas. They're just worried. You know that worries aren't always rational. You say that all the time."

That was true. Didn't mean that their reaction hurt any less. He threw his arm over his eyes and cried. And SQ just sat there next to him. Waiting.

Time passed. Nicholas didn't know how much time, as he had definitely fallen asleep at some point. Number Two and Rhonda had left the room, and Nicholas could smell some sort of dinner when he woke next. SQ was still sitting there, reading a book. Milligan was thumbing through a newspaper. SQ looked up and gave Nicholas a lopsided smile.

"Okay, fine," Nicholas rasped. "I'm autistic."

"Took you long enough," Milligan quipped from the armchair he was sitting in. He folded the newspaper and placed it in his lap. "Honestly, sir, why it takes an honest-to-god meltdown to make you admit that you're neurodivergent is somewhat worrying. Do you do this for all major life choices and crises?"

"Yes," Nicholas groaned.

Milligan blinked. "...I see," he said. "Now I understand why you were so shaky and unstable when I first moved in."

"I should hope so," Nicholas said.

"Are you okay?" SQ asked.

Nicholas looked over to SQ. "I'm not going to go blindly furious again for quite a while," he allowed. "I may or may not still burst into tears later today."

"Fair enough," SQ said. "Number Two said she was making fettuccine alfredo for dinner. It sounds fancy and smells like cheese. Are you gonna come and have it with us?"

"Would you want me to, after I behaved this afternoon?" Nicholas asked.

"Yeah?" SQ said. "You had a meltdown. You don't need to be punished for being pushed past your limits. Like. Should you have tried to hurt anyone? No. But also. Denying you food or company because you didn't know how to communicate that you were overwhelmed is kinda...a shitty thing to do."

"Language," Milligan said blandly.

"It is!" SQ defended.

"Never said it wasn't."

"Did my brother...ever...?" Nicholas didn't want to finish that question.

Apparently, he didn't have to. SQ deflated. "...Yeah. Not denying me food, because that would make me irritable and lead to more 'disruptive outbursts,' but he used his presence in my life as an incentive to follow his instructions."

"Jesus," Nicholas breathed.

SQ shook his head solemnly. "Nowhere to be found in his heart."

Nicholas guffawed. "Oh dear lord, I was not prepared!" he said woozily before collapsing into his pillows.

SQ giggled, startled.

Milligan sighed. "I don't know what you were expecting, if not that," he said simply. "Sir? You okay?"

Nicholas pushed himself upright with a little giggle and a, "I'm fine."

"Other than the meltdown," Milligan said.

"Other than the...meltdown," Nicholas allowed. "Admittedly, I only saw that coming about five seconds before it started, and I think that should be acknowledged."

"That you need better self-regulation, or self-awareness? You?" SQ asked. "You're the one saying you need to look after yourself more?"

"Are you saying I'm wrong?" Nicholas asked.

"I'm saying it's not like you," SQ said. He frowned. "Come to think of it, it's not like Dad, either...which...could be why you're suggesting it?"

Nicholas sighed. "Yes, the fact that you read my behavior that easily during the meltdown may have displayed to me exactly why I should get my head on straight and take care of myself better."

"Oh. In that case, I'm kinda relieved I triggered the meltdown," SQ said. "Here I was feeling guilty for making you stressed at every turn."

Nicholas blinked. Took in a breath. "Okay, first of all, it is not your fault I had a mental health crisis. The fact that I snapped and you snapped back, is not the reason I had that issue. I haven't been sleeping or eating as I should have, and what's more, I lied about it. Milligan, I know you know and you're hardly pleased, but just let me finish this?" Milligan nodded, but his unamused expression was clear, "Second of all, you don't make me stressed at every turn."

"Don't I?" SQ challenged. "You worry about me constantly. I've heard your quiet discussions with the adults. I've seen your lingering glances. You worry."

"Yes, but no more than the average guardian of a previously traumatized child," Nicholas said. "Which, admittedly, is quite a lot. However. That is not your fault either, and you should not have to feel guilty for having needs."

"Sounds fake," SQ quipped back.

Nicholas took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. "SQ, I don't appreciate when you become flippant about your basic needs, or say that whatever you're asking of me is a big deal, when it's something essential a child needs, like encouragement, food, or the occasional display of attention. I know my brother was a terrible father. But what you ask of him that he says is a bother, is a joy for me. I love getting to talk to you about math, or the book you're reading, or the next art project you want to pursue. Those things make me happy, they make me feel like I matter to you, and you matter so much to me, it feels like an honor to have that reciprocated. Please take care of yourself. Or at least be kinder about what you feel you need or want. I know it will take time, but I don't know how well I'd be able to handle it if you simply...said you didn't need as much food as you do because you're 'not worth the resources.'"

SQ turned bright red. "God, did Rhonda tell you that?"

Nicholas blinked. "You've said that before?!"

"Just in a stating anxiety way!" SQ hurriedly said. "Not in a way where I believed it or was being flippant! I just...worried. You buy a lot more food because of me..."

"You're a growing boy, of course you need to eat more," Nicholas said. "SQ, your needs really aren't a bother."

"Neither are yours, sir," Milligan cut in.

Nicholas sputtered to a stop.

"You do the exact same things I do on a smaller scale," SQ said. "You just said you haven't been eating or sleeping like you should, don't try to deny it. You need breaks and food, too. Acting like you don't is dumb."

"Are you calling me dumb?" Nicholas asked.

"Not you. Your actions. There's a distinct separation there that's important," SQ informed him, and god, that sounded exactly how Nicholas would explain it, and he wasn't sure whether to be proud SQ was learning or peeved that Nathaniel's intonation came through with Nicholas' words. "Your actions display a lack of understanding and compassion. You can change your actions. You can't change a trait."

Nicholas squinted. "Can we table this discussion until after dinner?"

"That depends."

"On?"

"On if you'll actually let Milligan and me continue or if you'll brush us off," SQ said. "Uncle Nicholas, please. Your treating yourself badly has to stop. Don't think I haven't noticed you get worse since we told you that you're autistic. I've noticed. And I've been informed I have no detail recognition whatsoever before. Which I know is a lie, because Dad just wanted to feel superior, but I doubt my skills are above average. So if I've noticed, everyone else in the house must have, too. And we all worry."

Nicholas felt guilt gnaw at him.

"Don't do that," SQ said, lightly whacking Nicholas' knee.

"I didn't say anything."

"You're blaming yourself," SQ said. "Again. That's not nice of or to you. And goes against the whole reason I'm trying to communicate your way in the first place."

"Which does remind me, dear. You don't have to speak if you don't want to," Nicholas said.

"And you don't have to hold your guilt about things out of control around you like a weight," SQ said. "It's out of your control. One of those things is being autistic, by the way. Don't say that's your fault, either."

"Maybe being autistic isn't my fault, but--"

"--If you say the resulting behaviors are your fault, I will chuck my book at your head. It will hurt," SQ said.

"SQ!" Milligan chastised. "That's not how you get your uncle to listen to you."

"He needs to be kinder to himself!" SQ exclaimed, and Nicholas was shocked when he heard his nephew's voice crack. "It's selfish, but I see Dad when he does that, and I don't want to see Dad anymore. I just want to see Uncle Nicholas."

Nicholas took an unsteady breath. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't realize that...that you might have negative associations with my behavior. I should have. And...while it may not be the reason you want me to stop, if it makes you feel better about where you live and who you share space with...I'll try to be better."

"You're right," SQ said. "It's not the reason I want you to stop. But it's a start."

"A start, indeed," Milligan said. "And one day, we might be able to get you to do it because you love yourself."

Nicholas squirmed and stood. "Okay, that's too much right now," he declared. "Who's ready for dinner?"

"We're not letting this go permanently," SQ warned.

"Believe me, dear, I know," Nicholas said with a little, strained laugh.

Milligan silently got in position to brace Nicholas upright if need be. "But so long as you start being kinder, we will let the matter drop for now."

"That's all I can ask for," Nicholas said. "Appreciate it."

Milligan nodded. SQ sighed, but murmured his agreement as well.

Hopefully, come the next morning, SQ would feel safe enough to use Morse again.

Chapter Text

Milligan was whistling as he walked into the kitchen, grocery bags in hand. SQ's eyes lit up from where he was standing by Nicholas. You got the jelly? he asked, beating the rhythm on his chest. He had been alternating between speaking and using Morse for just over a week, since Nicholas' (finally self-admitted) meltdown. He was slowly coming back into Morse more than speaking, but it was slow going, especially since it often left SQ grimacing or complaining that his chest felt tingly.

"I did," Milligan said. "And I got you something else, too. Consider it a late birthday gift."

SQ frowned. "Milligan, my birthday was a month ago," he said. "To the day, actually."

"I know," Milligan said. "I hope the usefulness makes up for the tardiness."

SQ frowned, before Milligan tossed a small circular object into the air. SQ yipped and barely caught it. Nicholas observed it alongside SQ. It had two buttons, one with a little dot on it in marker and one with a dash. SQ clicked the dot button and was rewarded with a high-pitched click. He pressed the dash and was rewarded with a slightly lower-pitched click. He blinked. Looked up at Milligan. Can I use this for Morse Code? he asked.

"Considering both myself and your uncle just understood your question, yes. Yes you can," Milligan said with a barely noticeable but present smirk.

Nicholas grinned at the delighted chirp SQ made in response. "That's a brilliant idea, Milligan!" Nicholas praised. "Thank you!"

"Figured it might be easier than using his chest all the time. We don't want him bruising anything, after all," Milligan said with a shrug. "The hardest part was finding a clicker with two buttons that sounded different. And that wasn't all that hard."

"Where did you find it?" Nicholas asked. "I don't think I've seen anything like it before."

At this, Milligan turned slightly sheepish. "Pet store," he admitted. "It's supposed to be used to train dogs. Not that I'm saying anyone here is an animal..."

"No, I'm not getting that impression. SQ?" Nicholas asked.

SQ just shrugged. Unique problems require unique solutions. And I don't mind so long as it works, he replied.

"Then it's no worries," Nicholas said definitively. "Thank you, Milligan."

"It's no bother," Milligan said with a shrug. "And it's cheap, too, so no great struggle to replace it, if and when it breaks."

No guilt over using it too much, then, got it, SQ clicked out with a grin.

"All joking aside, that is true," Milligan said. "Even if it weren't cheap it wouldn't be a bother, SQ."

SQ made a soft, "Oh," and Nicholas turned briefly worried. But SQ merely replied, Thanks. That means a lot.

"You're worth the effort," Milligan said sagely. "And I hope one day you can see that. I hope that for your uncle, too, but given his track record..."

Nicholas squawked and SQ laughed. Yeah, I don't blame you! SQ teased.

"How dare you not defend me?!" Nicholas laughed. "I'm your family!"

So is Milligan! SQ shot back.

Milligan paused in putting away groceries for half a second. SQ didn't notice. Nicholas did. "Everything all right, Milligan?"

"Fine," he said, but his voice sounded...sadder than usual. Quite morose, if Nicholas was being honest.

SQ looked over. He frowned. Was it something I said? he asked.

"No," Milligan said, shaking his head. "I am curious, though...do you remember anything from when you were a little kid? I mean, six and under."

SQ hummed in thought. I don't think so. Nothing about you, at any rate. I remember Dad praising one of my drawings when I was five. And... SQ frowned. Considered. I remember...someone trying to get me to speak. He looked almost like Mr. Oshiro, but not quite.

"I assume Mr. Oshiro was a teacher?" Nicholas asked.

SQ nodded. Frowned. He was important. I can't remember why.

Nicholas got a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Do you remember what he looked like more than that? Can you describe him?"

Black hair, brown-ish eyes, I think? I never looked into them much. His skin was darker than white, but lighter than Mr. Oshiro's. Kinda like... SQ stopped. Kinda like mine, actually.

Nicholas winced. Milligan flinched.

SQ's clicking became frantic. Oh my god, was that my dad? Like my biological dad? Not a speech therapist like my dad always said?

"How old were you when you had this memory?" Nicholas asked.

I couldn't be more than four. I spoke full sentences at five, and that's when I lived with my now Dad. I remember...I remember asking him when the nice man with the stickers would come back. He said that the nice man was a speech therapist, and since I could speak at that point he was no longer working for Dad, and wouldn't be coming back. And that...made me really sad. Like, I remember crying over it, but not understanding why. SQ was shaking so much that he dropped the clicker. He stared at it on the ground for a full two seconds before he bent down to pick it up. Because if he was just a nice man with stickers, why would I cry? Dad and the teachers at school gave me stickers, too, when I was that age.

Nicholas took a shaky breath. "It is...entirely possible that could have been your father, my dear."

Wouldn't I know he was my dad and not just a nice man with stickers, though? SQ asked.

Nicholas and Milligan shared a look. "SQ, remember how my memory was wiped when I came from that island?" Milligan asked gently.

You think Dad did that to me? SQ asked.

"I suspect he didn't wipe them entirely," Nicholas interjected. "But children's minds are far more malleable. What he probably did was something more...subliminal suggestion in nature. He would have ensured that in your memory, the man who could have been your father was nothing more than another man you saw every day, like your peers or your teachers. And he'd cement the fact that you were his son and he adopted you so firmly in your mind, you wouldn't question it. Once you were old enough, he would tell you your father died when you were too young to remember him, and from that point forward, that was the narrative he told, and you remembered. All this, of course, provided that man was genuinely your father."

SQ still shook. Milligan placed a hand on his shoulder. "I didn't mean to bring this up," he said. "You have my apologies. When you called me family...I thought you might have remembered me on the island in some way."

SQ shook his head. No, I meant that now. He sniffled. Sorry. I shouldn't have said it.

"No, quite the opposite," Milligan said. "I'm honored to be your family. I just wish...just wish I hadn't caused you to hurt like this."

SQ shrugged. It is what it is, and while it shouldn't be, that doesn't change the fact that it is, he clicked. I don't blame you at all. But...but I really wish I could have known my dad. Or, if that I did, I could have still remembered now.

Nicholas braced himself against the counter, and SQ gave him a worried look. Nicholas couldn't even manage a shaky smile to give to SQ. "I'm so sorry, my dear," he breathed. "I'm so sorry." And he was down.

SQ whimpered and sniffled, before starting to cry. Milligan walked over and SQ's sobs became muffled by the fabric of Milligan's shirt. When Nicholas was able to sit upright again, he blinked owlishly and took one of SQ's hands. "Do you need to process this alone, my dear?"

Vehemently shaking his head, SQ's grip tightened on Nicholas' hand.

Nicholas tried to stand, but was too shaky to do so. "I can offer hugs, but only on the floor," he said, voice filled to the brim with regret.

SQ immediately flopped into Nicholas' lap, gripping his shoulder blades tight as he sobbed. Nicholas gently wrapped his arms around SQ and murmured, "You'll be all right, you'll be all right," again and again. He elected to avoid the phrasing, "It's okay," because, truly, it wasn't. SQ had been robbed of a childhood with his biological father, been robbed of any potential to be raised by a good man. And while it wasn't okay, and would never be rectified, SQ would be all right on the other end of things. Nicholas would ensure it.

When SQ's sobs died down to occasional hiccups, he still didn't let go of Nicholas. "I want my dad," SQ whimpered, voice thick with tears. "I just want my dad."

"I know," Nicholas said.

"I wish I had never met my adoptive dad. I wish he didn't care about his appearance enough to adopt me. I wish I had grown up alone. That would be better than...than this," SQ spat.

"I know you do," Nicholas soothed. "But at least you have me, hm? You have me, and Milligan, and Rhonda and Number Two. If your adoptive father hadn't taken you in, you might never have met us. And I, for one, feel blessed for having known you. Even if it's only been a month and a half."

SQ hicupped. True, he clicked. I don't want to give you guys up. But I wish I could give up him.

"Yeah," Nicholas said sadly. "Yeah, I know you do."

SQ curled into a ball in Nicholas' lap. Don't you?

"Maybe I should, but I don't," Nicholas said. "I still have hope for him, somewhere inside me, that he could be good if only he tried. That hinges on a great many things, of course, but it is not out of the realm of possibility. 'Never say never' and all that."

SQ hummed. I guess you knew him better than I did.

"I knew him when we were children and his bad behavior hadn't been so ingrained," Nicholas said. "You know him better now than I do. But I also know what he's capable of when he's being good. And that shouldn't be discounted."

SQ shrugged. When does something become so egregious that it has to stop your attempts? he asked.

"Admittedly, I do probably cling to people longer than I should," Nicholas sighed. "And if it came down to you or your father, SQ, I would choose you. But if negotiation can be used, if there can be a compromise made...I will choose the compromise first."

SQ sighed. I guess that makes sense, he allowed. But I'm not even remotely happy about it.

"Can you explain why?" Nicholas asked. "Your comfort should come first. But I can't know why a compromise would be not ideal if I don't know your reasoning."

The way he treated me... SQ trailed off. ...It wasn't nice. He probably hated me. Most of the time. And I know that's a terrible thing to say but it feels true and I desperately wish that it wasn't but the only place I feel safe is anywhere I know he can't catch me. Can't see me. Can't nitpick every move I make. I need to know he can't hurt me before I feel safe. It took me this long to feel this safe here. And I still don't feel completely safe. If he were here, and he insisted to speak to me. And you tried to compromise. Say you'd be in the room or you'd pass along a message. I wouldn't feel safe anymore.

Nicholas took a deep, steadying breath. "Your reasoning is sound," he said faintly. "And I appreciate your explanation. I can't say that I understand, but I can say I will do my absolute best to follow your wishes. Your safety is my top priority, SQ, make no mistake. And if you don't feel safe around your father, you won't be around your father. Full stop."

SQ smiled sadly. You know, I think I'm gonna give him up. At least for now. But I'm keeping you and Milligan and Rhonda and Number Two. So long as that's all right with you?

Nicholas was taken aback by the hesitancy at the end of that question. "It's far more than all right, SQ. You get to choose who you have in your life. And if you want us, then we are more than happy to have you with us. I know I speak for everyone here when I say that we can't wait to see the young man you grow into. No matter who that is, or how long it takes."

SQ gave a watery, but significantly happier, smile. I love you, he tapped hesitantly. Not just as an afterthought. Not in the heat of the moment. I love you like family. Like good family.

"And I am honored to be a part of that family you're building," Nicholas said, taking shaky breaths.

Beaming, SQ stood and turned to Milligan. Can I help with the groceries?

"Sure thing, kid," Milligan said. "It would certainly make the work go faster. You know where most things go. You have a question and you can just ask me or your Uncle, sound good?"

SQ nodded. Thanks.

"What for?" Milligan asked.

For letting me feel included, SQ said with a shrug. I like feeling included.

"We'll make an effort to keep you involved at all times, then, unless you say otherwise," Nicholas said. "Hopefully it helps you to feel more cemented in our family, too."

I hope so, SQ clicked. Because this family is the best one I've ever known.

And Nicholas was down again.

When he was finally able to move without shaking or feeling like he might collapse again, Nicholas had watched all the groceries be put away and SQ had gone off to discuss with Rhonda what he was going to work on in the pottery class the next chance he got. Milligan sat against the lower cabinets, where Nicholas was propped up. "You know," Milligan mused, "I think that kid is going to be a lot of trouble. Not more than he's worth, but I think he's going to bring a lot of danger wherever he goes."

Nicholas took a breath. "I fear you might be right," he said faintly. "I do sincerely hope that's not the case, but I can't imagine a world where he isn't looking for monsters to pop out of the shadows, however subconscious that might be. I can't imagine a world where he's just...happy."

Milligan nodded. "With an imagination as large and vivid as yours, that's saying something."

"Mm, indeed," Nicholas agreed. "Milligan..."

"Hm?"

"If something were to happen to me..."

"--It won't."

"But if it did," Nicholas pressed. "Would you be willing to be listed as SQ's guardian? In next of kin."

"I..." Milligan faltered. "I mean, of course. But what has you thinking about that eventuality?"

"The properties of danger magnets," Nicholas said simply. "I don't want him being stuck with someone who doesn't know the situation, finding my brother, and sending him back. Number Two and Rhonda can forge the documents well enough no one would question that I was his guardian, and you're his next of kin in case I am incapacitated. But I can't risk that boy going back to his father. I simply cannot entertain that thought for even a moment. It's dangerous for his anxiety, for my cataplexy, and were it to become reality, I have no doubt that the lasting effects would be rather unpleasant. Pklease. Make sure he's safe, if I'm not there, even if he's not with you."

"Of course, sir." Milligan cleared his throat. "Now I do believe SQ will come looking for the both of us in under five minutes if we don't move. Should we beat the clock and ensure that he won't find us brooding on the floor?"

"Probably wise," Nicholas agreed.

Milligan helped Nicholas up off the floor, and Nicholas rolled his shoulders. "I've been collapsing far too much recently," he grumbled. "I know you're all worried about me."

"Can't be helped any more than we worry about SQ, I'm afraid," Milligan said.

"I know. And I appreciate that. But we should find a way to mitigate the worry so it becomes less pervasive, I think. Because if SQ picks up on it, his anxiety will undoubtedly increase."

Milligan nodded. "How do you propose we do that?"

"We'll find a way," Nicholas hummed. "But it might take some trial-and-error, and perhaps some research."

Milligan nodded. "Perhaps a trip to the library is in order?"

"SQ could use a library card," Nicholas mused. "All right. We should probably set out soon if we're going, however."

"We can do that immediately," Milligan said. "I'll get SQ and the car keys, you get the books you've been meaning to return."

Nicholas nodded and the two set out about two different ways through the house. Nicholas grabbed the books and was waiting outside the car as Milligan exited the front door with SQ. "Ready?" Nicholas asked with a smile.

SQ nodded. What name will be on my library card, though? I can't use Dad's last name without him finding out.

Nicholas shrugged. "Well, you're always welcome to use mine."

SQ blinked. "Shepard Quaid Benedict..." he mumbled under his breath. He beamed. It has a nice ring to it.

"It does, doesn't it?" Nicholas asked with a soft smile. "We'll use that for your library card, then. I hope that you make good use of it."

And together, they headed straight to the library.

Nicholas sheepishly handed the overdue books to the librarian, and then agreed with Milligan that they would find some books for SQ before they went out looking for the ways to mitigate anxiety.

SQ was directed to the youth section, at which point Nicholas and Milligan took a step back. SQ glanced around. Drifted towards the YA books, then the middle grade ones. He twisted his mouth in thought. Uncle Nicholas? he asked.

"Yes, dear?"

Any recommendations for science fiction or fantasy? SQ asked.

"Oh, lots, I'm sure," Nicholas said, walking over and humming. "There's always options you can look for in those genres. Let's see..."

Together, they found six books for SQ to try over the next two weeks. He grinned victoriously all the way to the front with Milligan, who was helping SQ set up a library card. Meanwhile, Nicholas went to the self-help section and grabbed some books about anxiety management as well as general mental health maintenance. It was always good to be prepared.

When they met at the front, Nicholas smiled at SQ, ecstatically waving his library card around. Milligan was nodding along to SQ's clicking, and SQ was making trilling noises in the back of his throat.

Nicholas imitated the noise with a small grin, finding it did feel rather good on the throat and ruffled SQ's hair. "I think we have everything we need. Back home?"

"Back home," Milligan agreed.

SQ followed them out of the library, humming quietly to himself. When the humming abruptly stopped, Nicholas whirled around to find SQ staring at someone walking past warily. They were wearing a business suit and had a watch on the wrist Nicholas could see, the other hidden by a briefcase and the man's body.

Nicholas gently guided SQ to the car, murmuring, "It's all right, my dear. What made you freeze?"

He looks like a Recruiter, SQ clicked out. Does he have a watch on his other wrist?

Nicholas tried to get a good look without being surreptitious, but couldn't. "I don't know," he replied. "Milligan, can we take the long way home today?"

Milligan nodded. All of them got in the car and SQ buried his head in one of the books. Nicholas mused. The Recruiters having watches on both wrists would be a helpful giveaway, seeing as how one wouldn't necessarily get the scent of cologne until it was too late. But the fact that SQ had such a strong fear response...that fear scared Nicholas more than anything else.

SQ was scared of his father, too, but most of the time, he was angry. Angry at what little life SQ had being restricted or micromanaged. But with the Recruiters, there wasn't any anger, any hatred. Just pure, unbridled fear. And Nicholas didn't know what they had done to warrant such a response, but he was sure it wasn't anything good.

When Milligan had driven for fifteen minutes with no sign of a tail, he headed back towards their neighborhood. SQ still kept his head down, staring at the same page in the book that he had been since they got in the car.

Nicholas cleared his throat softly as they got to the house. "Shep, you can stop using the book as a cover," Nicholas said softly, hoping to sound like anything but SQ's father. "We're home, still with no sign of a tail."

Slowly, SQ lowered his book. He was shaking violently, and looked about ready to cry. Nicholas squeezed SQ's shoulders. "Do you want to sit in the car a bit to regain your composure?" Nicholas asked.

SQ nodded.

"Do you want that time alone?"

A shake of the head.

"Who would you like to stay with you?" Nicholas asked.

SQ's hand grabbed Nicholas' and Nicholas smiled softly. "I'll stay with you as long as you need," he promised.

He got a clicked Thanks in response.

"Of course," Nicholas said. "Milligan, do you mind taking the books inside and explaining the situation?"

"Not at all, I'll leave you two be," Milligan promised, taking his leave quickly.

SQ watched Milligan go silently with his eyes, watched as the man carried the books inside. As soon as the door to the house closed, a sob wrenched itself from SQ's throat.

"Oh, my dear, it's going to be okay," Nicholas breathed. "It's going to be okay, I promise."

The eerieness of SQ being able to cry near-silently sent Nicholas' alarm bells ringing, but he ignored it in favor of making sure that SQ was all right. The boy was shaking, effectively sobbing, and was shrinking in on himself, as if expecting reprimand. Nicholas was scared to reach out to hug him, even if he wanted to do nothing more, because he simply...didn't know how SQ would react. He didn't know quite how to ask, either, without SQ feeling pressured to accept.

"Is there any way I can offer support, my dear?" Nicholas tried, because damn it, he was not going to let his nephew suffer alone if there was any way he could mitigate the damage.

SQ flinched. "It's stupid," he mumbled.

"Not to me, not if it's your comfort," Nicholas insisted softly.

SQ glanced at Nicholas, and Nicholas willed himself to look genuine, before SQ squeezed his eyes shut tight and launched himself into Nicholas' lap. "Oh," Nicholas breathed, wrapping his arms loosely around SQ as SQ practically squeezed the air out of Nicholas' lungs. "Oh, it's going to be okay, Shep. I've got you. I've got you."

And that, miraculously, seemed to be what SQ needed to hear. His breathing evened out marginally and Nicholas sighed in relief. "I've got you," he repeated, much more sure of himself. "I've got you, and I'm not going anywhere. Unless it's two days from now, and I'm going to pottery with you in tow. You don't have to be alone if you don't want to be."

"Don't wanna be," SQ mumbled. "Really, really don't wanna be."

"Then you don't have to be," Nicholas reassured. "I'm right here, with you, for however long you need me to be."

SQ sniffled. "I love you," he mumbled into Nicholas' shirt. "You're so nice. I love you. I love you."

Nicholas smiled sadly, kissing SQ's hair. "I love you too, my dear. My sweet boy. My brilliant, compassionate nephew."

SQ hiccupped and continued to cry for quite some time. But when his tears had dried and he was ready to leave the car, Nicholas thought SQ might be a bit more reassured about his status in the household. And he hoped that wasn't just a hope, but a truth.

Chapter Text

The weather was absolutely terrible. SQ and Nicholas had gone to pottery the previous night once more, and once more Milligan and Rhonda had warned them about seeing the Recruiters in the area. With the new information of wearing watches on both their wrists, they were far easier to spot, and while they were on the opposite side of town as Nicholas and SQ, Nicholas' hackles were raised.

Which is why when the storm came rolling in early that morning, all Nicholas could do was grumble as much as the rumbles of distant thunder. SQ was frying his scrambled eggs like normal, humming softly under his breath to a tune that Nicholas didn't recognize, and judging by the variations in length and pitch, and the lack of repetition, SQ was just making up as he went along.

"Having fun, my dear?" Nicholas asked as he grabbed himself a glass of juice.

SQ nodded, free hand going to the clicker he had around his neck, since Number Two had fashioned old pieces of leather into a necklace for him to carry it around on. It's a nice distraction from the loud.

"The thunder, you mean?" Nicholas asked.

SQ nodded again. It gets really loud sooner or later. And while I like watching rain on windows, I hate the lightning and thunder when I don't have warning.

"Understandable," Nicholas mused. "I always found the patterns lightning made fascinating, but the accompanying thunder was not a pleasant noise for me for years."

Did you get used to it? SQ asked.

"I did some self-talk to prepare myself for the inevitable onslaught on days like today," Nicholas said. "Which is not the same as getting used to it, but I have a separate routine for when thunderstorms arise, which I suppose, in itself, is somewhat neurodivergent of me."

SQ grinned.

Nicholas smiled softly. Somewhat neurodivergent of me/you had become both of their catchphrases by accident, when SQ said it of Nicholas and Nicholas laughed hard enough that he had nearly bashed his brains out on a doorframe. After Number Two's fretting, they had a quick discussion of the phrase, and while Nicholas was seated on the floor, he had admitted it made him more comfortable than the phrase "he's autistic." And so everyone had started taking to it. Nicholas and SQ especially, however.

Thunder rumbled across the house and SQ started humming again, quickly turning off the stove and plating his scrambled eggs. His hands were trembling just a bit. Nicholas placed a reassuring hand on SQ's shoulder. "It's okay," he said, despite his own reservations about how okay everything was. "It's all going to be all right. It's just a storm."

SQ swallowed, nodded, and offered Nicholas a thin smile.

The two of them made their way to the dining room, and SQ started eating his toast, as he always did. Nicholas appreciated the sense of normalcy. It reminded him that SQ was present, he was safe, they weren't in any more peril than before. Or at least, any more peril than usual with SQ's arrival. Since he probably had inadvertently upped the peril just a bit.

The windows flashed bright white and Nicholas made a small, fascinated, "Ooh!" while SQ covered his ears. Sure enough, two seconds later, there was thunder loud enough that it shook the window panes. SQ made a small, hiccuping noise.

Nicholas rubbed SQ's shoulders reassuringly and SQ made quick work of his breakfast. Nicholas glanced around. Surely, the others should have been up and about by now?

Milligan stumbled into the room, rubbing his eyes. "Morning, you two," he yawned. "What has you up so early?"

"It's seven thirty, Milligan," Nicholas said.

Milligan frowned, checked the clock. "So it is," he said. "It's dark enough to be five outside."

It's the storm, SQ clicked. It's almost pitch dark because of the storm.

As if on cue, lightning flashed outside again, before the lights flickered. SQ made a small eep! in response.

"Maybe we should move further into the house," Milligan advised. "Away from where the windows would shake enough to startle anyone who hasn't lived here during a nasty storm."

"Probably wise," Nicholas agreed, and they whisked SQ inside, away from the windows.

They went to the study, where Nicholas drew the curtains, turned on the soft lights, and they played several rounds of card games.

Number Two and Rhonda burst through the door just as SQ was starting to relax. "Sir, there's unidentified people on the street again," Number Two said. "Far too close for us to risk escape."

SQ whimpered. "The Recruiters," he muttered. "Who else would be out in a storm like this?!"

"SQ, my dear, we'll be fine," Nicholas promised. "There's nothing to worry about, we're all in the room here, no one has a chance of taking you away--" The lights flickered and SQ gasped. "--It's just a power surge, which I understand can be scary, but I assure you, we'll be all right."

SQ's eyes were wide and terrified, and Nicholas saw them well up with tears moments before the entire house was plunged into darkness. He heard a startled shriek which was abruptly cut off. There was mad shuffling, a thud, Milligan grunted, and when Rhonda turned a flashlight on and swept it across the room, Nicholas' heart leapt into his throat as his stomach sank.

Milligan was on the floor.

Number Two was a good three feet away from where she had been, stumbling backward.

Most alarmingly, however...SQ was missing from the room.

"SQ?!" Nicholas yelped.

"I'll check the breakers," Number Two said.

"I'll check the perimeter," Milligan said.

"I'll check SQ's room," Rhonda added.

"Will anyone check on my nephew himself?!" Nicholas asked incredulously. "Oh my god, where did he go?!"

"Deep breaths, sir," Milligan said as he rushed away. "We'll find him."

Nicholas thought he might pass out. He dashed into the hallway after the others, heading to his room where he knew he stored a flashlight himself. Trembling hands led him down the hall and he moved around his room on instinct to find the flashlight. Turning it on cast odd shadows all across the room. "SQ?!" Nicholas called into the house, using the flashlight to search visually while he kept his ear out for any noise.

None was forthcoming, save for the rain slapping the windows, and the crack of thunder after very short bursts of light. Nicholas searched every room on the second floor. The study was empty, and Nicholas' eye twitched. The guest rooms were bare and undisturbed, and Nicholas' heart raced. He was about to holler SQ's name, before the lights flickered back on in sections, one by one; doubtless Number Two reset the breakers. Rhonda rushed up to Nicholas as he turned off his flashlight. "No sign of him in his room, Milligan's, or mine. Number Two's room has been untampered with, and your room is where you found the flashlight, correct?"

"Yes," Nicholas said, feeling his stress rise. If he wasn't anywhere on the second floor, he could either be on the third, the attic, or the first...assuming he was even still in the house. Visions of SQ being taken and rushed back to his father like stolen goods flooded Nicholas' mind; the terror on SQ's face visible and the tension in the air palpable, as doubtless Nathaniel found some suitable punishment to torture his son for ever daring to run away.

There was another crash of thunder, followed by a thud in the attic. Nicholas and Rhonda shared a panicked look before taking the stairs two at a time to get up there and investigate.

Nicholas got there first, looking around wildly. There was a coat rack toppled over on the floor, and there, stuffed behind an old armoire, was SQ. "SQ!" Nicholas cried in relief, rushing over. "Where have you been?!"

SQ had his eyes squeezed shut tight and was shaking violently, with his hands covering his head and arms shielding his face. "Don't hurt him!" he sobbed. "I'm sorry! Don't hurt him!"

"Hurt who?" Nicholas asked.

"Don't hurt Uncle Nicholas, Dad! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It was my idea to run away, don't hurt him! I'll do anything!" SQ cried, voice hoarse.

Nicholas blinked a moment, before he remembered that of course he'd sound identical to Nathaniel, and that SQ might not register the relief in his voice as relief, rather than rage. "Shep? Your father's not here."

SQ opened tearful eyes for the first time to see Nicholas, and after he blinked a few times to clear his eyes from the tears, launched himself into Nicholas' lap. "Oh my god," Rhonda breathed from behind Nicholas. "Oh my god, SQ, we're so glad you're okay. You had us worried sick!"

SQ held onto Nicholas a smidgen tighter. "'M sorry," he mumbled.

There were sounds coming from downstairs, and Nicholas recognized Milligan's rumbling voice, as well as Number Two's hurried footsteps. SQ didn't loosen his hold on Nicholas even a tiny bit as Number Two entered the attic. "Sir--" she started, before gasping. "Oh, thank god, you found SQ?"

"Yes," Nicholas strangled out. "Though he appears intent on suffocating me."

"'M not sorry 'bout that," SQ mumbled into the crook of Nicholas' neck.

Nicholas felt amusement tinge in his chest before it dimmed abruptly as Number Two continued, "Milligan said he got a sense of deja vu when looking at the two women outside. They both had watches on both wrists, but they were in too much of a hurry to stop and knock on any doors. Our best guess is that they were canvassing our area last night after...you-know-what, and they were heading back to their local shelter or vehicle to get out of the rain."

"Oh. Oh, dear," Nicholas said, feeling cataplexy suddenly overtaking most of his senses. "I don't know what I expected, I should have assumed they could multita--" and he was down.

Metaphorically only, however, as SQ's grip was keeping Nicholas upright. SQ's voice, creaky and timid, came to him first. "Were they following me and Uncle Nicholas from pottery? Do they know where we are?"

"Oh, no. No, we don't think so, SQ. We don't even think they were following you," Number Two said.

"But you said they were doing something beyond canvassing," SQ pressed. "What were they doing? If not looking for me?"

Rhonda sighed. "They were scoping out a local orphanage. We're not entirely sure why, but we suspect that there's a child there who's captured their interest. One who might benefit the creation of the Emergency greatly."

"Who? A kid with money? With good memory?" SQ paused as doubtlessly someone shook their head. "...A psychic?"

"That's what we're thinking," Nicholas mumbled, struggling to keep his head upright. It wasn't an easy feat, and with SQ's hold slightly loosening, Nicholas could feel himself starting to sway backwards. "A child who's psychic gives far, far too many options for the Emergency to increase in force at an alarming rate. None of the results of those options bode well for us, either. I'm afraid that for the most part, we just have to hope that those Recruiters are unsuccessful in their tactics."

"We can't help the kid?" SQ asked, pulling back and away, and Nicholas found he was still rather unsteady, but was mostly able to sit upright, small mercies. "We can't even warn those people who are taking care of the kid?"

"Unfortunately, my dear...in most cases, adults would see a small sum of money and disregard a child, or, if the child is seen as a special needs case, disappearing altogether under a stressed and broken system, a small mercy." Nicholas shook his head. "If we warned them, it's entirely possible we would only ensure their capture."

SQ looked shocked. "Wait...what? But...but..." He stopped. Used trembling hands to reach for his necklace as he cleared his throat aggressively. I don't get why adults wouldn't want to help kids. Don't they understand that if they go missing, something is wrong? SQ looked lost. Adults are supposed to help kids. Not hurt them.

Nicholas sighed. "That much, my dear, is true. And...much as this might be a touchy subject...that's not always the case. If you need proof, you can look no further than your father. He hurt you in the past. And no matter his reasons, that's not a good thing. Adults screw up all the time, they do the wrong things for the right reasons occasionally...but they also can merely do the wrong thing for their own gain. Not everything is so black-and-white as it seems in childhood. Adults are supposed to help children, but...sometimes they don't, won't, or can't."

SQ took a shaky breath in. This is...a lot to think about.

"Indeed," Nicholas said. "Maybe we should table it for another time?"

SQ nodded, clearly still mulling over the information.

"SQ, dear..." Nicholas started, gathering his nephew's attention. "Should we have a system in place for when you get scared of the Recruiters, or when we lose you for whatever reason, and need to meet up somewhere in the house? Somewhere and someway to signal an all-clear? I would hate to have a repeat of today. No one knew where you were, and we all thought you might have been taken."

A soft "Oh," left SQ's mouth. Sorry, he immediately replied.

"Dear, none of us are mad, and there's nothing to apologize for. But I do think we should have some sort of system to ensure this doesn't happen again."

SQ nodded.

"Where would a safe place for you to meet the adults be? One where we can find you, but you don't feel exposed?"

SQ considered. The bell, he eventually decided. If anything happens, I can ring the bell and can shout and scream until someone finds me if anyone tries to take me away.

"All right," Nicholas said, nodding. "In the future, when you get scared, go to the bell. What should be our all-clear signal, to show that it's safe to come out of wherever you might be hiding, for whatever reason?"

I don't know, SQ admitted with a frown. It shouldn't be something that could come up in a discussion with bad people.

Nicholas hummed. "One of my favorite words in the world is 'zugzwang.' It's a chess move where your opponent is forced to make an unfortunate or undesirable move. I doubt that I would be discussing chess when someone is in mortal peril," he offered.

SQ considered. Nodded. "Zugzwang," he said softly. He grinned. "Good mouth feelings, too."

"It is, isn't it?" Nicholas agreed. "Does that work?"

SQ nodded. I feel a little better now. Knowing that I can't be tricked into following you into danger.

"I do as well," Nicholas said, adding drily, "Though not as much as you, I suspect, because I know you would follow me headlong into danger on your own."

SQ giggled shamelessly. Not sorry, he replied.

"Nor should you be," Nicholas reassured, "At least, not when we're not in moral peril. If you willingly follow me headlong into mortal peril, you had best believe we would be having words."

SQ grinned. I'd win, he declared.

"Uh-huh. You keep telling yourself that," Nicholas chuckled.

Milligan entered the room and heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god!" he said, unusually emphatic in the declaration, and at a slightly louder volume than his usual rumble. To Nicholas, he may as well have been shouting. "He's okay?"

"Rattled, but unharmed," Nicholas confirmed.

Milligan strode over and bopped SQ on the head with a newspaper. "Never do that again," he said sternly, before crushing SQ in a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay."

SQ's eyes were watering and Nicholas was about to tell Milligan to let go, when SQ started hugging back. He gripped Milligan tight and his breathing was shaky. "You knew the bad guys?" SQ asked.

"I think so," Milligan said uncertainly.

"How'd you beat them?" SQ's voice was trembling and almost too soft to hear. "How'd you beat bad guys who don't care how much they hurt you?"

"Well, I had the element of surprise on my side," Milligan said. "But beyond that...I'm not going down without a fight, and most bad guys are bullies. They don't expect people to fight back when they make demands. So when someone does fight back, and it's brute force versus brute force, they're not accustomed to that sort of fight and I have the advantage."

SQ hummed, leaning back and gripping his necklace in thought. You can beat the bad guys? Just like that?

"I can," Milligan confirmed. "I hope that doesn't make me scary, but safe."

SQ nodded. For sure more safe than scary, he clicked.

Milligan nodded. "Good," he said.

Thunder crashed outside the house and SQ yelped, starting to shake again.

"How about we move from the attic to somewhere a little further away from the storm?" Nicholas offered.

SQ nodded and all of them made their way downstairs, back to the study. SQ was rocking from foot to foot, fingers flicking by his sides as he looked around uncertainly, still looking for any hidden enemies in the shadows.

Nicholas sat down on the couch and beckoned SQ over. His nephew lept on the chance to worm into Nicholas' side, and Nicholas was mildly astonished, not least because the first day he came here he flinched at every touch. But as they sat there, Number Two and Rhonda filled the room with discussion about possible field trips to go on when there was less danger of being spotted out and about, when SQ felt safe enough to leave somewhere that wasn't just the community center or the store. Milligan started poking around the room for a book to read and landed on a historical thriller. He settled into a chair to thumb through it.

Everyone was calm, the world faded away except for the rare crash of thunder that was starting to fade into the distance. And Nicholas was thoroughly shocked when he looked down at SQ to find the boy out cold, leaning against Nicholas' side, a small string of drool starting to form on his chin. It was enough to make Nicholas' heart warm, and he would have laughed if it wouldn't wake SQ up.

As it was, he settled for an affectionate smile and a soft kiss to the crown of SQ's head, Nicholas burying his face in SQ's hair a moment, just to savor the feeling that his nephew was here with him, and found him safe enough to sleep next to.

Before he knew it, of course, that line of thought led straight to cataplexy.

When Nicholas could move again, SQ was still asleep and Nicholas' head was resting on top of SQ's. But the scene was so comfortable, so unassuming, and so soft that Nicholas didn't want to move. He hummed softly, falling asleep in moments.

He could hear the others' voices slipping in through moments of consciousness where he couldn't be bothered to open his eyes or reply. "Would it be bad to get another picture?" Rhonda. He didn't make out the reply.

After a time, "Should we wake them soon? It's been a while." Milligan.

"They had quite a scare this morning, give them another half an hour." Number Two.

And ten minutes later, SQ stirred underneath Nicholas, earning Nicholas a snort and minor start awake. "Mm, how long...?"

"Forty five minutes or so," Milligan said.

"Closer to fifty to an hour; you lost track when you kept rereading the foreword of the book," Number Two replied.

"It didn't help that you and Rhonda were bickering over embroidery floss," Milligan lightly defended.

"That was a very important discussion!" Number Two said, perhaps a bit too defensively to be in jest.

Milligan shrugged. "Not saying it wasn't, but it was highly distracting."

"We aim to be distracting, Milligan. If you get too sucked into historical thrillers, you start to talk like the characters for at least a week and we don't want to startle SQ with that jarring change just yet," Rhonda teased.

Milligan turned a dark crimson and Nicholas chuckled. "I think SQ would be able to handle the change just fine," he said, looking down at the boy in question who was yawning and stretching. Curiously enough, though, he didn't move out and away from Nicholas' side. "What do you think?"

SQ shrugged. He'd still be Milligan. I'd be startled at first but I'd adjust.

"There you go, he'd be right as rain!" Nicholas declared. "Let Milligan read if he wants to."

Number Two sighed and Rhonda rolled her eyes. "The storm is fading, I'll go and see how much damage we can anticipate to the garden in terms of overgrown grass or fallen branches," Rhonda said.

"I'll get started on making lunch," Number Two decided.

The two of them left the room. Milligan hummed, giving SQ a curious look. "I think SQ wants to say something to you, sir," Milligan said. "Is it all right if I give you two some privacy for that conversation?"

Nicholas looked down at SQ, whose cheeks were on fire, even as he gripped his necklace with his thumb lightly pressing the buttons, not enough to cause a click quite yet. "Is that all right, Shep?" Nicholas asked.

SQ looked at Nicholas for a startled second, before grimacing with his eyes shut tight and he nodded. I think it's better to have a private conversation, he managed.

"Thank you for being clear," Milligan said, standing and giving SQ's shoulder a squeeze. "We'll be right here in the house when you're done."

SQ nodded, apparently distracted. He still hadn't moved an inch. Milligan left the room. Nicholas watched him go. The door closed. Nothing except the ticking of a distant clock filled the room for just a second. Then, Uncle Nicholas?

"Yes?"

Are you wondering why I didn't move?

"I...yes, a little," Nicholas admitted. "Usually, you give everyone more than ample personal space. And while I don't mind your touch and your presence, I am a bit confused as to why you started it up today and haven't stopped."

I'm... SQ paused, looking at Nicholas and looking away. I'm doing it for a selfish reason. A bad reason.

"Oh?" Nicholas asked. "That would be news to me. What makes it a bad reason?"

SQ swallowed thickly. I'm pretending that you're Dad. And that he cares enough to protect me. That he's making sure even if I made the Recruiters mad, he wouldn't allow them to hurt me. He paused again. I'm sorry.

Nicholas took a shaky breath. "Whatever for?"

You should be enough.

"I'm not sure I understand," Nicholas said, frowning.

You keep the bad guys away. You and Milligan and Rhonda and Number Two. All of you keep them away. And...and Dad never did. So I don't know why I'm pretending you're him. And it's not that I don't want you here, and it's not that I don't love you, and it's not that I miss Dad. I just... SQ trailed off, a few tears slipping down his cheeks.

"You miss a version of him that cares for you," Nicholas said. "You want a version of him that cares for you the way I do, the way that family is supposed to look out for each other. Yes?"

SQ slowly considered that option. He nodded slowly.

"I can't replace your father," Nicholas said. "Nor do I think I would want to. But I can still be a calming, attentive presence in your life. You're allowed to miss your father. I won't tell you that you can't. And I won't tell you whether or not to mourn the loss of what could have been; that's your decision and you're allowed to grieve that however you want. I just hope...one day that I can be a calming presence separated from your father. That you perceive me as my own calming presence, not the potential of what your father could have been."

Why aren't you mad that I miss him? SQ asked.

Nicholas tutted, and scooped SQ into a massive hug, which SQ desperately returned. And in the quiet, secure feeling of being the only two people in the room, maybe the only two people in the world who understood each other and their feelings, Nicholas let a few tears fall as he whispered, "Because I miss my brother, too."

Chapter Text

Nicholas knew the day before he even looked at the calendar. He sighed. The time had come to run the tests again. A Saturday without Number Two or Rhonda in the house, and during which Milligan would leave right after lunch. They would be more exposed than usual. SQ was doubtlessly going to come out the other end okay, but Nicholas didn't want to think about how rough the transition period might be before everyone came back home.

Together, Nicholas and SQ made breakfast. Nicholas knew SQ was trying to glance around for Number Two or Rhonda, to see what was going on. To get some answers as to why the house was so quiet. "SQ," Nicholas said, "Number Two and Rhonda are going to be out for most of the day. Milligan will leave this afternoon as well."

SQ's eyes widened comically large. Why? he asked.

"Today's the day we're implementing the tests," Nicholas said. "We're searching for our team that we can use to spy on your father."

SQ's mouth made a perfect "o" shape. I forgot about those, he admitted.

"It's quite all right," Nicholas said. "But Number Two is the test proctor, and Rhonda is a plant. Anyone who gets past them will be greeted by Milligan, and they have to pass one last series of tests, including the maze downstairs. So we'll have to potentially hole up in the study for a couple hours as well."

SQ pulled a face.

"I know, I know. Some things just can't be helped, my dear," Nicholas said.

I know, SQ clicked with a sigh. Doesn't mean I have to like it.

"Mm, quite right," Nicholas lamented. "I'm sorry, my dear, we just have to keep going."

They ate breakfast together, but the silence was stiff, and uncomfortable. It felt wrong to simply sit there without Rhonda or Number Two nearby. Milligan meandered in on his own time, took one look at SQ, and sighed. "I see we have discussed the testing," he said.

"We have," Nicholas agreed. "Someone is not a fan."

SQ scowled at the two of them, and Nicholas merely let out another sigh mirroring Milligan's. At the moment, he was rather irritated, but he knew that SQ being this open with his emotions was not something that came easily, and Nicholas had to tread a fine line between acknowledging SQ's grievances, maintaining the rules for the tests, and allowing SQ some room to do as he wanted to have some space to breathe. Nicholas was struck with an idea. "SQ, would you feel better if I gave you a project to do today when we have to wait in the study?"

SQ shrugged, but glanced at Nicholas curiously, which he would count as a win. "I was thinking we could build a birdhouse in the yard. Would you like to help formulate the design?" Nicholas asked.

Nodding, SQ seemed to relax a little. Can I make the design for a feeder, too? For the birds?

"Of course, my dear. You can do either, or both, if you're feeling ambitious!" Nicholas smiled, and SQ smiled back. "I always want to encourage you to have a project on hand, if that project makes you happy."

SQ offered a small grin, and replied, And it doesn't have to be useful?

"Not if you don't want it to be, however I would argue making you happy is productive enough," Nicholas said, leaning back with an easy-going shrug. "It serves its function if it improves your life in any way."

SQ made a little chirp, not particularly pleased but certainly in a much better mood than five minutes ago. Sounds fun, he said. And it could keep me occupied for a bit. Not sure about several hours, though.

"Fair enough," Nicholas said, leaning back in thought. "Tell you what, though: if you finish the house and the feeder, or you just grow frustrated or bored with those projects, you are more than welcome to write about anything you wish, or likewise draw. And I'll let you at some of the locals' books on ornithology."

Ornithology? SQ asked.

Nicholas smiled. "The scientific study of birds."

SQ's eyes lit up. I could write all sorts of reports! Cheat sheet guides for identifying them! And recreate how their wings work in art studies!

"Indeed," Nicholas agreed. "Sound interesting? Worth your time?"

SQ nodded, eyes alight in excitement. I could do that for hours!

"I suppose we'll put that to the test today, hm?" Nicholas asked. "I truly am sorry for keeping you cooped up in one room for such a long period of time, dear. I wish it could be helped."

If it could be helped, Dad wouldn't be doing bad things, and I wouldn't be here, SQ shot back with a little shrug. Some things just have to be dealt with like this.

Nicholas smiled sadly and nodded. "Still, we have the whole morning before we have to head to the study. Would you like to spend some time outside? It's shaping up to be a nice day."

SQ looked out the window and nodded.

The two of them finished breakfast, and Milligan did a cursory sweep of the yard before Nicholas and SQ headed out into the sun. SQ was squinting in the light, but he was smiling, so Nicholas didn't attribute it to overstimulation. And soon enough, SQ had dashed out into the yard and flopped down into the grass, staring up at the sky. Nicholas laughed and walked over. "What are you doing?" he asked, leaning over to look at SQ.

SQ silently pointed up at the sky. Nicholas looked up. "Oh. Cloud gazing?" he asked.

"Mhm," SQ hummed.

Nicholas smiled. "Clouds are rather hard to draw, I've found," he said. "I wonder if you would be able to capture them."

I've tried, SQ explained, It never comes out quite right. I've gotten close before, though.

"I don't doubt it," Nicholas said, still staring upwards. "You're a rather adept artist."

He felt eyes on him and turned down to look at SQ staring at him. "What?" Nicholas asked.

You think my art is good?

"I...yes," Nicholas said. "Even disregarding age and dexterity, which are major parts of the conversation, I've seen your still life, your gesture studies, your drawings of photographs you find in the albums around the house. You capture everyone in ways I couldn't hope to mimic. It's uncanny."

Dad always pointed out the errors. Always the errors. Never anything I was good at or proud of.

"He'd rationalize it as pushing you towards your full potential, no doubt," Nicholas sighed, sitting down in the grass alongside SQ. "But without praising what you do right, it just feels like being torn down. I don't know if my brother saw your potential in art, though if he didn't discourage you from drawing, he probably recognized your talent and refused to say anything--but I do believe that you are a talented artist, SQ, and I will not hesitate to praise you for your hard work and skill."

SQ glanced at Nicholas curiously. Talent and hard work and skill aren't words that usually go hand-in-hand.

"Well, perseverance is a talent for anyone your age or younger," Nicholas said. "And that led to the hard work and skill you poured into your work until you got the results you were looking for."

So why use them both?

"Why not?" Nicholas asked. "Both factors are equally true. Is there a reason that you wouldn't use both?"

Simplicity. Or speed, SQ replied.

"I suppose," Nicholas allowed. "But I think you might find that I am not one for speeding through life, and I don't like cutting out nuance for the sake of something being simple."

SQ winced. Right. Sorry.

"Why?" Nicholas asked.

That's how Dad thought. Not you. SQ shrugged. I guess I don't always remember the differences between you two.

"That's fine," Nicholas said, though inwardly he was a little surprised that SQ might think that was ever a problem in the first place. "We are identical twins. Slip-ups will happen."

They shouldn't, SQ insisted.

"Because I'm safe and he's not?" Nicholas hazarded a guess.

SQ sent a guilty look at Nicholas, that told him everything he needed to know. "My dear," Nicholas said, "I understand that might be how you categorize both myself and my brother. But the lines aren't always so quickly cut-and-dry. There will be times when things blur, where he and I are similar, as well as different. All I can hope for, with either of those categories, is that you don't shut out anything that might not easily fit into those boxes. Why, take Milligan for instance." SQ gave Nicholas a curious look. "For all intents and purposes, Milligan is a large, strange man, who cannot give details about who he is or what his past is like. By most people's standards, he'd be labeled dangerous. But we both understand he's safe. Right?" SQ slowly nodded. "Because we know him. But there are times when he can be very dangerous indeed, especially when protecting us. Things aren't always so clear, is all I'm saying. I hope you can come to understand that with time. And if you mistake myself for my brother, at any time, I will not be offended. I may be upset, depending on what caused that parallel to be drawn, especially if I accidentally hurt you, but I will be upset at myself, and never at you. Understand?"

SQ nodded.

"Well, then, good. We're in agreement," Nicholas said. "Slip-ups aren't automatically bad over who they're about. And you cannot tell me otherwise. You'd lose."

SQ sniffed a small laugh and gave Nicholas a crooked grin. The two of them spent the majority of the morning simply talking. When Milligan headed out of the house at around noon, he stopped by where they were sitting, now on the porch. "Time to go inside you two. Give it another hour and a half and you'll have to go to the study, all right?"

"Understood, Milligan, thank you," Nicholas said, standing.

SQ reluctantly stood as well, and his eyes looked glassy as he hugged Milligan tightly. Milligan looked at Nicholas with brief alarm, even as he hugged SQ back. Nicholas shrugged. SQ took a step back and clicked out Be safe. That's an order.

Milligan gave SQ a wry smile. "I will certainly try," he said. He pulled his hat on and left the house in short order.

Nicholas walked inside with SQ, and the two of them made their way to the kitchen. "Lunch, and then to the study, I think. Sound good?" Nicholas asked.

SQ nodded.

"You got a good view of the tree, correct?"

SQ nodded again. I have a few design ideas, he confirmed. I'll try to do them justice.

"I'm sure you'll do marvelously," Nicholas assured him.

They had a quick lunch, just sandwiches and chips, and Nicholas gave SQ the bigger half of a large cookie that they shared. SQ was still more subdued than Nicholas would have liked, but Nicholas understood that some things just shouldn't be pressed. This was one of those times he really couldn't afford SQ having a meltdown. If he went to his room to sleep, that was potentially helpful, but there still ran the risk of him waking up to new individuals in the house leaving him greatly disoriented. And if he couldn't calm down before the testers came to the maze, provided any of them made it through, they might be able to navigate to the stairs via the acoustics of the house. Which would still be clever, but not strictly in the spirit of the test. And it would probably distress SQ further to know that there were individuals who he didn't know, who had heard him in distress.

They cleaned up lunch and beat a hasty retreat to the study. SQ peeked out the windows curiously. He peered out just over the ledge until he abruptly gasped, ducking and letting the curtain fall back into place. "Did they see you?" Nicholas asked neutrally, glancing up from the book he was reading.

Don't think so, SQ replied. But I saw them. Two boys and an older girl.

Nicholas nodded. "They're about to come to the maze. Are you ready?"

SQ nodded, but his shaking betrayed his anxiety. Nicholas wasn't sure whether or not it was a good idea to comment on it.

"Take a deep breath, and then how about you take some time to work on your birdhouse, or the feeder?" Nicholas suggested.

SQ nodded, standing and moving to an armchair, curling up in the corner with one of his sketchbooks. He tapped his pencil on the page in thought for a moment, before he looked up. Nicholas arched an eyebrow, meeting SQ's gaze a brief moment before both of their eyes flitted away from each other. I'm scared, Uncle Nicholas, SQ said, looking off to the side and swallowing thickly.

"I know," Nicholas said, soft and gentle. "But it's quite all right to be scared, SQ. I just hope you know that even though you're scared, you won't be hurt. Not by us, not by your family. Other children can be...rude. I won't pretend to know how they'll respond to you. But if they behave rudely to you, they're gone. No matter how useful to the team they might be."

SQ was blinking as his eyes grew glassy. Why? he asked. Why would you prioritize me over the world's safety?

"Because sometimes the world has to come second," Nicholas said. "And maybe this is one of those times where I make a mistake that others would disagree with me on. Maybe not. Maybe the two things can coexist, or maybe the rude child is simply too blunt and would give away the team in an instant undercover. We don't know. But what I know, is that if they're going to be rude to you, I don't want them in this house."

SQ looked shocked and scared. If they're needed to save the world, Uncle Nicholas, then they can be as mean to me as they want.

"Oh, but there's the trick, SQ," Nicholas said, "If one of the children is mean to you, and it makes you upset, and I don't just mean wary, or disagreeable, but genuine hurt feelings? They're rude to you in a way that deeply upsets you? They don't have the compassion I'm looking for in order to bring down my brother. Even if they have everything else, if they don't have that compassion, they wouldn't be able to do what I need them to. Do you understand? You're just as much a litmus test as anything else in this situation is. We need kids who can be kind. Even if they aren't always, they have to be kind deep down." The bell at the stairs rang and SQ stiffened. "Here we go," Nicholas said softly. "Rest assured, SQ, we'll get our answer very soon."

SQ nodded, burying his head in a sketchbook and starting to work. Nicholas kept a small count in the back of his head, waiting for the bell to ring. One minute twenty seconds, once. An additional thirty seconds, twice. Four minutes and forty nine seconds after the first ring, the third and final ring filled the hall. SQ glanced at Nicholas. He fiddled with his necklace, apparently wanting to ask something. "It's okay to use your necklace, my dear," Nicholas prompted softly.

Huffing, SQ replied, I don't know what I'm trying to ask.

"Fair enough," Nicholas said with a shrug. "Hopefully we can rectify that when necessary."

There was a slow but persistent building of volume of chatter outside the study. Nicholas and SQ could hear Number Two explaining to the kids who they were about to meet, and Nicholas rolled his eyes at SQ when he heard Number Two exaggerating his talents. "Always," he muttered. "She always does this!"

SQ giggled a little, glancing at the door.

The study door opened with a flourish, and SQ examined the three children closer. They all looked back at him, and SQ looked at Number Two. "Tell me you're joking," the girl said to Number Two.

"Ah, that's not Mr. Benedict," Number Two said. "That's his nephew."

"Then where is Mr. Beneidct?"

Nicholas belatedly realized that where he was sitting, no one could see him for the amount of books on the desk. He popped up over the books, grinning. "Sorry about that!" he exclaimed. "Forgot that while I could see my nephew, I couldn't see much by way of you three!"

The older girl had jet-black hair, the smaller boy a slightly crooked nose, and the third and final boy was wearing slightly broken glasses held together with tape. As he walked around the desk, he pointed at each of them and asked their name. "Natalie," the girl said.

"Felix," the boy with the crooked nose said.

"Ashe," the boy with the glasses answered.

"Well, welcome, you three. Come, come, have a seat on the couch." Nicholas beckoned them over, and he didn't fail to notice their lingering gazes on SQ. SQ glanced at Nicholas and Nicholas made a small, wait just a minute gesture. SQ looked displeased but nodded. "I suppose you're all wondering why you're here, in a stranger's house, when you have been promised scholarships to a prestigious school?"

"It did cross my mind," the girl said snidely. "This would be a perfect way to kidnap children off the street but make sure that they were smart enough for your liking."

"Natalie!" Ashe hissed. "Be nice! He's getting to his point, just give him a minute!"

Nicholas smiled, however sad it was. "Indeed I am," he said. "You see, I have a proposal to make to you three children: I can send you to the school, you're all incredibly bright, and kind, and deserve nothing less. But there is one snag in the plan."

"Always is," Natalie muttered darkly.

Nicholas sighed. SQ flinched, and Nicholas' eyes glanced to him. SQ fiddled with the necklace, before squeezing his eyes shut tight and clicking out, Uncle Nicholas, can I leave the room?

"I'd appreciate your input in a minute, SQ, but you can wait outside the study until I need you, if that would make you more comfortable?" Nicholas offered.

SQ nodded, and Nicholas gestured to the door. SQ scurried away. The three children stared at SQ until he left, then turned to Nicholas. "Surely, you've heard of the Emergency?" Nicholas asked the three of them.

Natalie, apparently, had more pressing questions. "What's wrong with him?" she asked, jerking her thumb over her shoulder in SQ's general direction.

Nicholas twitched. "I'm sorry?" he asked.

Ashe and Feliz were both trying to keep her quiet, but she persisted. "He doesn't talk, he doesn't greet people when they enter a room, he used some sort of pattern to get your attention and like. Great, you understood what he was asking but no one else seemed to? What's wrong with him?"

"He's a deeply traumatized child, but that is none of your concern," Nicholas said sternly. "I would have thought you a bit more interested in what opportunities I could give to you, a girl who clearly is trying her hardest to stay afloat with the last of the money she was able to steal off of a family member taking advantage of you and the trust fund your parents left you."

Natalie sat there, stunned. She flushed red. "How dare you?!" she shrieked. "You have no right!"

"Just as you have no right to be cruel to my nephew," Nicholas replied evenly. "Number Two, please escort Ms. Natalie out."

Number Two did so without a word. Ashe and Felix both looked positively terrified. "I apologize," Nicholas said, taking a deep, steadying breath. "The subject of my nephew is one I am very sensitive about, especially surrounding his background. Which, incidentally, ties into what I was trying to say before Natalie decided to interrupt and insult him."

SQ slunk into the room, looking like he might cry. Nicholas tutted and gestured SQ over, and he rushed forward, hugging Nicholas tight. "It's okay," Nicholas soothed him, hugging him tight. "You'll be all right." He looked at the two boys staring at the scene in bewilderment. "Now, where was I? Oh, right. Surely you two have heard of the Emergency?"

The two boys on the couch nodded, and Nicholas explained how he knew the entire thing was a fabrication, designed to stir up panic before a greater plan for control was implemented. The boys looked doubtful. "How do you know this?" Felix asked. "Like, really know?"

SQ, who slowly removed himself from Nicholas' hug, said, "I told him."

Felix and Ashe jumped. "What?" Ashe asked.

"Where I come from...what happened to me..." SQ coughed, clearing his throat. "I come from the school...the messages are sent from. I proved his theories."

"The school...you want to send us to the place this is happening?!" Felix asked incredulously.

"In order to collect information so that we can take down the Sender of the hidden messages, yes," Nicholas said. "We would not be forcing you into any positions you weren't comfortable going in. And if the prospect of going in is too terrifying for you, I can arrange for you two to be able to go to other schools, ones where your intelligence will be valued, and where there is no risk of danger. The choice, ultimately, is yours."

Both boys looked incredibly guilty, but they agreed they didn't think they had what it took to go to the school. And Nicholas, while disappointed, silently agreed with them. Both of them looked too nervous when Natalie started getting rude, and when Nicholas got angry, to stand up to Nathaniel if and when he inevitably got to them. So Nicholas set up for them to work with Rhonda and Number Two to find schools they wished to go to, under the condition that they never spoke about what happened with the tests to anyone outside these walls.

SQ sat with Nicholas on the couch afterward, shaking like a leaf. Sorry, he said.

"Whatever for?" Nicholas asked.

If I hadn't been here, you might have gotten them on your team, SQ said.

"SQ, they were terrified when I turned angry at Natalie, and Natalie herself would have never been the right choice to go up against your father. Trust me when I say they were not who I needed for the team. We'll find the right children soon enough, understand? But until we find them, we won't be throwing just anyone who passes the test to the school in hopes that they can find something. To do so would be reckless, and risky. It would be much more beneficial to wait until we find the right group. And none of them were up to the task. I can assure you, I have run these tests for years. Rare is it that I find even one child who is up for the task, and if they cannot go with a team, then they still cannot go. It's not your fault they weren't fit for this. If anything, you reassured me that my choice was the right one."

SQ leaned against Nicholas and blinked back tears. We'll stop him, won't we?

"Eventually, my dear, yes," Nicholas assured him. "We will get to the island and stop him from hurting anyone else. I wish it would happen soon, but we do, unfortunately, have to wait. In the meantime, however, you will be safe here. And we will never push you towards anything you don't want to do. We'll take this one step at a time, yes? And when we're done, I think you'll find that everyone will be better off for it."

SQ nodded and seemed satisfied with that answer, curling up into Nicholas' side, and Nicholas cuddled him back, trying to push away his own niggling thoughts and anxieties that they wouldn't find their team fast enough.

Chapter Text

It was an interesting day at the Benedict household. Everyone was enjoying the summer weather, and they were all in the garden, tending to the plants or just sitting outside and basking in the sun. SQ was dashing about the entire garden, taking everything in while pulling up weeds or moving sticks as Milligan instructed. Eventually, when he had calmed down, he came to sit next to Nicholas on a small bench, grinning. "Enjoying yourself, my dear?" Nicholas asked.

SQ idly nodded. His hands didn't even reach for his necklace to clarify anything. He was...truly content. Nicholas looked away, making a small victorious noise that sounded vaguely like a chirp. SQ looked at him curiously and Nicholas brushed the question away. "Just happy that you're happy," he dismissed.

SQ frowned at the explanation, clicking, I'm always happy here rapidly.

"There was a time, about two months ago, when you could barely stand my touch," Nicholas said with a shrug. "It's nice to know that's not the case."

SQ gave him a no, duh face as he replied, Well, yeah. You're not Dad. You made that very clear.

Nicholas smiled softly, only a touch bittersweet. "I'm happy to be a positive presence in your life," he said, instead of electing to mention SQ's father.

SQ tilted his head to the side, observing Milligan as he lifted up a stone birdbath that had been hidden by some brambles and moved it to the center of the garden, for better view of the birds. I wish I could do that, he clicked, nodding to Milligan.

"Do what?" Nicholas asked. "Move the birdbath?"

Lift heavy things in general, SQ replied. Dad always said that I needed to be stronger. That I needed to be able to hold my own in a fight, because my flights of fancy would bring about trouble eventually. And I needed to defend myself.

The whole garden stilled. Rhonda paused where she was planting flowers. Number Two looked angry in an instant so she turned away to pull at some rather aggressive ivy that was starting to crawl up the fence. Milligan...Milligan hung his head with a sigh. "We found another one, sir," he said, but his voice didn't hold even a touch of amusement.

"It would appear so," Nicholas mused.

What? SQ asked. He didn't hit me, or even spar to show me how to fight. And I never did get into a fight. He was wrong. What's the big deal?

"SQ, that's still a threat upon your person," Nicholas explained gently. "Even if he wasn't the one to hurt you. Even if he was trying to 'prepare you' for something. That's still threatening you. That's still...still abuse."

But, to Nicholas' frustration, SQ denied that notion vehemently. That's not abuse. Dad didn't abuse me. Neglect me, sure. I was able to escape the island because of that. But he didn't abuse me.

Nicholas sighed. "I know it's hard to hear, my dear. I didn't want to believe he would do something that horrid either, but--"

SQ scowled, but even more than that, he growled at Nicholas. No words, but a low, guttural growl of disapproval.

"Hey!" Number Two snapped. "That is no way to treat your uncle, SQ!"

SQ turned to her, a retort clear on his face that Nicholas knew would only escalate matters. "--You know what he said to me? When we were eleven?" Nicholas interrupted.

All eyes were on him in an instant. He resisted the urge to shut up, but he couldn't hide the way he shrunk back ever-so-slightly. "He always forced me to compare my fitness with his," he said. "Flexing muscles, or running competitions, or who could do the most push-ups. He always, always won. And when he did, he insisted 'If you don't shape up, Nicky, the bullies will turn you into a bloody pulp.' Or he'd get more graphic. And he would poke or jab the places he detailed the injuries--"

SQ had a look of terrified recognition on his face.

"--Not that he would get as descriptive with you, SQ, but he had gotten his hands on some horror books at the library and was on a serial killer kick at the time. He loved detailing all the ways one could be injured by common household supplies, especially spoons and forks--and he would always say if I weren't careful, if I didn't get into shape, to defend myself, why, anyone could best me and do any of the things he described, or worse--"

"--Sir--" Rhonda tried to interrupt.

"And of course, then he'd force me to get up with him when he exercised, trying to get me to keep up, under the guise of protecting me. But all it did was exacerbate my anxieties and insecurities, until I felt like nothing more than a piece of--"

"--Sir! Enough!" Number Two snapped.

Nicholas took a deep, steadying breath. "I suppose that would be where a lot of my catastrophizing comes from, hm?" he asked with a weak smile.

No one returned it, not even SQ. The adults were stony-faced, and SQ didn't look on the brink of tears, but he looked...horrified. He recognized every word Nicholas had said. He talked about horror stories with me, too, SQ clicked, the sounds harsh and sharp in the still air of the garden, But with me, it was about why I shouldn't leave the island under any circumstances. And he didn't get bloody and gory, but he definitely gave me nightmares about it.

Nicholas nodded weakly. His vision was blurring and only when he blinked did he realize it was from tears, and not the immediacy of a medical emergency. "Sounds about ri--" the cataplexy hit before he even knew what was going to happen.

He was caught before he hit the ground, but not by Rhonda or Number Two, or even Milligan. The hands that kept him from face-planting in the dirt were SQ's. "What do we do?" Rhonda murmured. "He never speaks this much about his past. Never."

"Clearly for good reason," Number Two snarled.

SQ whimpered.

Milligan sighed. "We shouldn't force him one way or another," he said. "But I do think it is not advisable to allow him to continue right now. SQ understands why what he was told was not okay. We now understand that we shouldn't focus as much on Nicholas' self-image. Everyone learned something--" Nicholas sat up with a sniff and he hurriedly wiped at his face, "--And we don't need to force him any further. How are you feeling, sir?"

"I would like to go back inside, now," Nicholas said, standing abruptly. "You all are welcome to stay outside. But I need some time to myself."

"I don't think that's wise, sir--" Milligan started.

Nicholas' eyes flashed with anger and he bit back the retort that he didn't give a damn what any of them thought. That wouldn't be productive, and it would hurt SQ, besides. So he took another deep breath similar to the one he took when he was mobile again and said, in a voice that was completely devoid of any emotions, "I am going inside. I need some personal space. If you must, check on me in fifteen minutes. But until that point, I do not wish to be bothered."

SQ made a small, aborted, panicked noise. Nicholas couldn't find it in himself to apologize. He had to express his own needs. If he bore a resemblance to his brother while he did so, well, that was unfortunate, but ultimately, inevitable with time. He stalked off, and none of the adults followed.

The same could not be said for SQ. Uncle Nicholas, he clicked out on his necklace.

Nicholas ignored him. Better to not snap at his nephew than to acknowledge him and potentially hurt them both.

The clicking resumed, more insistent. Uncle Nicholas.

He kept walking.

"Uncle Nicholas!" SQ snapped aloud. "Stop!"

Nicholas stopped. Took a breath. Turned his head so he could see SQ out of the corner of his eye. "Yes?"

SQ flinched, and Nicholas felt a small, vindictive satisfaction at that reaction. What the hell is wrong with you? he asked himself. He is a child, a child you are taking care of! You don't want to hurt him!

SQ took a step forward. "Are you going to hurt yourself?" he asked.

That...threw Nicholas for a loop. "What?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Are you going to hurt yourself?" SQ repeated.

"...No. I'm removing myself from the situation so I don't hurt myself or others."

"Do you promise?" SQ asked, pressing further.

Nicholas bristled. "Is my word not good enough for you?"

SQ flinched again, but was honest as he said, "Usually, it is. But you're acting like Dad. I know it's to protect yourself. But it still means I don't trust you to not do something dumb. Because...because he would do stupid things and challenge those who were trying to make sure he wouldn't do them. Exactly like you are."

"Unless you count emotional flagellation, SQ, no, I'm not going to hurt myself by removing myself from the situation."

"I count that," SQ said, jutting his chin out in challenge.

Nicholas sighed, running a hand down his face. "Great," he sarcastically bit out. "So yes, in that case. I still would rather not hurt you or anyone else who is not me further. Go back to the other adults. I'll return when I'm ready."

"No," SQ said.

Nicholas worked his jaw. "Shepard Quaid Curtain, I know exactly where to strike your pressure points to trigger you for days. I know your sore spots, I know how to irreparably damage your trust, and how to make you cry. I don't want that. I don't want you hurt. Therefore, I am removing myself from the situation. I need you to understand that this? My isolation? Is the lesser of two evils. I refuse to hurt you. I am going to go into the house. You are not to follow me. I am ordering you to go to the other adults. And stay with them. Not until I deem myself safe, but until they do. Go. Now."

SQ hesitated, just a moment. Just long enough to say, "Don't hurt yourself too badly." And then he was gone.

Nicholas thought he might succumb to blind rage, or cataplexy, or both at that statement, but he managed to stumble his way back into the maze before he collapsed. When he could push himself upright again, he couldn't quite stand, but he dragged himself several rooms inward and propped himself up against one of the walls. If they wondered where he went, well, good. It served them right, after they lashed out when he had opened up. After they said he couldn't go into his past further after he had divulged life-altering information to them. After they insisted they knew what was best for him. All of them. And they had gotten SQ in on the ruse, as well.

Hot, angry tears trickled down his face. He wanted to get mad. To scream and rage and wail about the unfairness of it all. But if he reached those levels of anger, undoubtedly he would act just like Nathaniel, and SQ would never trust him again. And despite all this...this abysmal treatment, this dismissal of his problems, this blatant disregard of his boundaries, he wanted SQ to trust Nicholas. Trust Nicholas' people, his family. Oh, even if Nicholas was taken out of the equation, he wanted SQ to have some sort of safety net in the others.

The tears only ever got worse. Nicholas let himself stew, just as long as it took for the front door to open, for Rhonda to call in, "Mr. Benedict?" And then he took a shaky breath. If he wanted anyone to trust him, he had to respond.

He opened his mouth, but it was like there was a barrier in his throat, and his words were stuck behind them. Now?! Seriously?! He waved his hand out through the opening that was visible to the door.

Rhonda hurried over and skidded to a stop in front of him. "Oh, never have I been so glad to see you collapsed on the floor," she laughed. "SQ said some very worrying things about what happened when he went after you."

"...Did he?" Nicholas slurred, the anger still pulsing through his veins enough that he was having problems thinking clearly, or moving precisely, or even speaking at all. The words felt...painful. Like they were being ripped from his throat. Like glass.

"He did," Rhonda said, helping Nicholas into a more comfortable position. "He said that you hold yourself like your brother when you need to protect yourself, and that you were doing that today. It explains why you were so short with us, but what worries me is what SQ said his father did when his emotions got overwhelming and he needed that grasp on control."

"I'm n't a control freak like N'th--"

"--Self-injury," Rhonda interrupted, and Nicholas fell silent. "He had seen his father inflict small amounts of pain on himself to keep himself grounded. Centered. Able to continue. And we've noticed you do that in the past. SQ was convinced you were going to come in here and intentionally hurt yourself, and cover it up with layers and long sleeves and none of us would be the wiser. He was quite concerned."

Nicholas didn't say anything. There were too many questions he had from that statement, mostly concerning why SQ should be concerned about Nicholas in the first place. But words were, to use SQ's term, "like glass in his throat" and he really, really didn't feel like hurting more. He drummed his fingers on the floor experimentally. It made enough noise...for the moment. I'm not going to hurt myself, he tapped in Morse.

Rhonda frowned, looking to his fingers and then back at Nicholas. "Why would you use--?"

My words are physically painful when I can speak at all, Nicholas explained. I finally understand what SQ means when he describes talking as being painful. The boy is semiverbal, and he was forced to be fully verbal by my brother. Who I will kill if I ever see again.

Rhonda gave Nicholas a worried look. "Can you stand?"

Nicholas held his arms out and Rhonda accepted the silent request for help. They hauled him to his feet, only for Nicholas to list dangerously forward for a terrifying few moments, before he braced himself against the wall. His legs were trembling violently. He shook his head, sliding back down to the floor. Despite it all, he was losing his composure. Don't punish SQ, he tapped. I swear to all that is holy if you punish SQ I'll go homicidal.

"No one is punishing SQ," Rhonda said, apparently mystified. "Why would you think that?"

Well, I explain my past and everyone lashes out at me. It stands to reason that if SQ says something distressing about his background, he would be punished as well, and I cannot, under any circumstances, allow that to happen, Nicholas scoffed. Despite his crossing my boundaries. I want to make sure he's okay.

Rhonda looked as horrified as SQ had previously, and she swore. "Shit. No, sir, we told you to stop because you were spiraling, not because we didn't want to hear any more, though I understand you must have taken Number Two's abrupt tone as aggression. We wanted to keep you and SQ safe. I'm sorry for the confusion. No one is punishing anyone. Unless you are punishing yourself internally."

Nicholas' face must have betrayed his guilt, for Rhonda sighed. "Sir, none of this is your fault. And when you're ready, and calm, we can discuss more of what happened to you. But until that time comes, perhaps it's better to move forward with something else to focus on, eh? Something that might mean you can stand without immediately falling over."

How is SQ faring? Nicholas asked.

Rhonda sighed. "Without immediately falling over, sir," she said insistently.

That single statement made Nicholas go limp again. Rhonda fussed at him. "Oh, dear," she murmured. "It's going to be all right, sir."

There were rushed footsteps approaching, and Nicholas blearily made out SQ upside-down from where he was trying to get up off the floor. SQ came closer, and his shaking hands came down on Nicholas' shoulders, forcing him back down on the ground. "I thought...I told you to..." Nicholas slurred, trailing off.

Rhonda's a safe adult, SQ insisted. She can tell me to go if you're hurting me, or about to. But I want to make sure you're okay.

Nicholas swallowed. "'M sorry," he mumbled. "'M so sorry." He cleared his throat, grimacing.

SQ smiled, bittersweet. I know, he replied. I know you didn't mean to scare me. I know you didn't want to hurt me.

Nicholas opened his mouth, but only a strangled, frustrated noise came out. I did want to, though, Nicholas insisted.

SQ huffed an amused laugh. If you wanted to hurt me, Uncle Nicholas, you would have done so without hesitation, he clicked. The fact that you tried to get away and I didn't listen is not your fault. I promise.

Nicholas let his head loll back on the floor and he let out a sigh. He watched the ceiling, as he listened to Rhonda and SQ above him. "Do you think we should move him? Will he react poorly to touch?" Rhonda asked.

SQ responded, I mean, you should probably ask him, but I don't think he would accept touch just to harm himself at the moment. He seems very insistent on trying to be independent, but while his pride might get hurt, nothing else would.

"All right," Rhonda said. "Can you get under his left armpit? We should get him to bed."

SQ and Rhonda struggled a bit but got Nicholas upright, and with a little stumbling on his feet, the three of them together managed to get him into his own bed. Nicholas sighed, finally feeling mobile but too tired to get up. "SQ?" he asked, before Rhonda and SQ could leave.

Pausing in the doorway, SQ turned to look at him.

"I really am sorry," he said. "I'll do better."

SQ smiled, again with that same tinge of bittersweetness lining the edges of his eyes. I know you will, he replied. You care too much to let yourself hurt others.

Nicholas sank into his pillows, and when he was awake again, Number Two was watching him from the armchair. "Good afternoon, sir," she said idly, not looking up from...what looked like a cross-stitch.

He forced himself upright with a low groan. "What--" his voice cracked and he winced. "What time is it?"

Number Two checked her watch. "Four-oh-two," she responded simply. "I was tasked with assessing if you were a 'safe person' for SQ to be around, at the other adults' behest. They said I would be the most impartial to determine if you could be alone with SQ, as per your own requirement for him."

"Yes?" Nicholas asked.

Number Two's lips thinned into a line. "And you're an idiot."

Nicholas blinked. "Number Two, I appreciate the sentiment but I'm really not in a stable enough position to--"

"--You're an idiot if you genuinely believe you're a danger to SQ," Number Two said. "You will not be able to sway me to believe otherwise."

Nicholas blinked. "I wanted to hurt him. To trigger him to hell and back. To ensure he never forgave me."

"And you recognized that. And removed yourself from the situation. And apologized. Without prompting. Honestly, sir, you know how to handle your nephew. As much as any of us really can understand. You're the best person for the job. And since you are no longer going to actively try to hurt him, and feel guilty enough about what you did, I am absolving you of your self-imposed crimes. And self-imposed judgment. You will be allowed to be alone with SQ should that be something you both are comfortable with, understand?"

"I understand those words, but not the reasoning behind them," Nicholas replied softly.

"That's because you don't value yourself at a reasonable standard," Number Two said. "But we're slowly unpacking that with you, and you've been making marvelous progress."

"But you just said I'm an idiot."

"Yes, and once upon a time you would have never even considered seeing SQ again after this afternoon's events," Number Two said. "You're improving slowly but surely."

"You're too kind."

"And you're too cruel," Number Two shot back. "Now are you going to get out of bed or what? I know your nephew misses you."

And Nicholas, against his better judgment, missed SQ. So he got out of bed and Number Two led him out of his room. He was led to his own study, where SQ was pouring over some drawing or another. He looked up at the footsteps and lit up when he saw Nicholas. It made Nicholas both delighted and distressed to see. Such a sweet, compassionate boy never deserved to be with a selfish man such as himself. Someone who wanted to hurt people purely because he was hurting himself.

Number Two manhandled Nicholas into sitting down on the couch, and SQ was a veritable contortionist in a chair next to him. He showed Nicholas what he was working on, and Nicholas was stunned to see it was a self-portrait. But more than that, it was...kind to SQ's features. Usually, if SQ drew himself (and that was a very large if), there would be at least one part of the drawing that would accentuate SQ's perceived flaws. But he seemed to be...looking at himself kindly for the first time in a while. And, more regrettably, Nicholas could barely muster up a weak smile to return to him. SQ looked back at his drawing upon Nicholas' reaction, and then up at Nicholas. "It's not anything you've done," Nicholas sighed. "Nor anything you drew. I'm just...caught up in my own thoughts."

So you chose violence, SQ replied. He grabbed a spray bottle from a side table and squirted Nicholas with it. Nicholas sputtered. Be kind to yourself, Uncle Nicholas, SQ added.

"You don't know that I was being self-deprecating!" Nicholas defended.

Except, I kinda do, SQ clicked with an eyeroll. Because I know you.

Nicholas took a deep breath, feeling his anger threatening to flare up again. "SQ, I don't have the time, nor the inclination, to explain to you why you shouldn't assume I'm self-deprecating."

Your shoulders are hunched inward, you're fiddling with your hands, and instead of avoiding eye contact by looking around the room, your eyes are trained at the floor. I know your tells. It's not an assumption, it's an observation. Like it or not, Dad trained me to do this. The very least I can do is use this power for good. And Milligan gave me permission to use the spray bottle. SQ gave Nicholas a hesitant grin. Don't kill him. He made sure to rinse the bottle thoroughly from whatever experiment you had used it for prior.

"Comforting," Nicholas sarcastically bit.

SQ rolled his eyes again. You're not half as scary as Dad was.

"Why am I scary at all?!" Nicholas snapped. "Why am I always, always falling short of who people need me to be?!"

SQ hesitated, considering Nicholas' words. Then, eventually, he replied. Perhaps you're not realizing the fundamental truth: you're allowed to screw up. You don't have to be perfect.

"I know that," Nicholas growled.

But do you believe it? SQ challenged.

Nicholas glared. SQ met his gaze. How many times do I have to tell you, Uncle Nicholas? No one's asking you to be perfect.

"And yet, whenever I'm not, I'm informed I'm an idiot," Nicholas scoffed.

SQ squinted. You know that's because you're catastrophizing or you messed everything up so severely from trying to be perfect that you're too burned out to fix it, right? It's not a statement on you but how you've pushed yourself beyond your limits.

Nicholas sighed, rubbing his temples. "Why am I scary at all?" he mumbled, more to himself than to SQ. "Why can't I be better than him?"

SQ sighed. You are. You're just not perfect. No one is. And I think you need to realize that.

"I know that."

SQ shook his head. I don't think you do.

Nicholas trembled. "Don't tell me what I don't know," he seethed. "Don't you dare."

SQ hesitated. Put his sketchbook down. And stared directly at Nicholas. "Sorry, sir," he quietly replied.

Chapter Text

"Don't do that," Nicholas snipped. "I'm not your father, I won't punish you for not speaking verbally."

SQ continued to meet Nicholas' eyes. He swallowed, looking like he wanted to fidget but sitting eerily still. "I know, sir."

"Stop it," Nicholas hissed. "Stop this!"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," SQ said, cocking his head to the side in a way that made Nicholas' stomach turn. That was precisely how Nathaniel had behaved when they were children—playing innocent, playing the fool.

"You know full well what I mean!" Nicholas demanded.

SQ sighed. "Sir, I'm not a mind reader. You could be referring to any number of things. I understand you don't want me to speak, but speaking is safer than the alternative in this situation. You could be saying, again, that you don't want me to tell you what you don't know. You need to articulate the specifics of your request."

"Shut up, Nathaniel! You know what I mean!" Nicholas snapped.

SQ flinched, replying, "Dad, I need you to stop yelling, please. I really don't know," in the smallest voice that could still be audible to the human ear.

"I'm not yelling! I'm perfectly calm!" Nicholas insisted. "I'm not your father!"

SQ squeezed his eyes shut tight and curled into a ball on the chair. He took a deep breath. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. His entire body was shaking. "Dad, stop it," he whispered. "Please, stop."

"I am not your father!" Nicholas all but roared, leaping to his feet.

"Well, you could have fooled me!" SQ screamed, before clapping two surprised hands over his mouth.

The room fell silent. SQ was staring at Nicholas with unbridled fear in his eyes. Nicholas was torn between going blindly furious and just straight up collapsing. And in the end, the floor was a much better alternative, a softer blow, than anything else he might have had to struggle with. His knees buckled.

The thud that his body made seemed to reverberate through the house.

The other adults streamed into the room, but Nicholas couldn't feel any hands on him, anyone checking if he was all right. There was a flurry of questions and footsteps, but they were all surrounding SQ. SQ was stammering out half-answers to all the questions, the interrogation. Nicholas pushed himself up on shaky forearms and glared at SQ. SQ flinched. Rhonda gently put her hand on SQ's shoulder. "Are you all right?" she asked.

"I don't want to talk to Dad," SQ mumbled, eyes squeezed shut tight.

"Your father isn't here, SQ," Rhonda said, confused.

"I don't want to talk to him," SQ repeated, more force behind the words.

Nicholas groaned, trying to push himself up onto his knees. SQ flinched again at the sound. "...Who do you want to avoid?" Number Two asked softly.

SQ pointed a shaky finger at Nicholas. "I don't want to talk to Dad," he breathed, shaky voice only making Nicholas feel all the angrier. At himself or at SQ, he couldn't say. "Keep him back. Please. Please."

Number Two and Milligan moved from SQ's side to Nicholas, but instead of helping him up, as he had expected, Milligan hauled Nicholas into his arms, and Number Two glared at him as he opened his mouth to scream and holler curses. "If you know what's good for you," she said, in as calm a tone as she could manage, which wasn't very, "You will stay quiet as we remove you from the room."

Nicholas closed his mouth with a click, but his face flushed bright red.

Milligan carried him as far as his bedroom before Nicholas managed to squirm out of Milligan's grip and crash to the floor. He stood on shaky legs. "Let me see my nephew!" he demanded, pointing back to the study.

Number Two blocked his way as Milligan regarded Nicholas coolly. "No," he said.

"No?!" Nicholas scoffed. "Have you forgotten who's in charge here?!"

"Have you forgotten that you delegated SQ's safety to us?" Number Two snapped back, "And that just earlier today you were trying to keep SQ away from yourself so you wouldn't hurt him?!"

Nicholas seethed. "And you determined I was safe."

"Yes, I did. When you were calm! If you cannot remain calm around your nephew, if you can't refer to him without the same contempt you hold for your brother, you can't call him by any name but your brother's...well! I would consider yourself very lucky that we're keeping you in this house at all!"

"You can't do that!" Nicholas snapped. "This is my house, my rules, my nephew! And if you don't let me through, I'll--!" He was cut off as Number Two bodily slammed him into the wall, her baton inches away from Nicholas' neck, no doubt to silence him if he decided to start shouting again. He glared at her with mutiny in his eyes. "Let me go," he said, voice completely even, but not devoid of emotion. No, his voice was trembling in rage.

Number Two hesitated. Not for long, and not enough that Nicholas could squirm out of her grip, but there was a brief flash of something akin to fear in her eyes. A half-second of worry, of anxiety, of dread.

"Number Two! Let him go!" SQ barked from the end of the hallway.

Number Two glanced at SQ, and Nicholas observed him out of the corner of his eye. His posture was ramrod straight, hands balled into shaking fists at his sides. His expression was one of hardened stone.

And, faced with two individuals who were furious at her, Number Two let Nicholas go. He straightened out his suit in a huff. He turned to SQ, who held a shaking finger up. "Dad," he said in a false sickly-sweet voice, "If you can't interact with me without yelling at me, I advise that you follow your own philosophy: wait until you can use calm words and a rational tone of voice before we discuss your actions further."

"I. Am. Not. Your. Father," Nicholas ground out.

"Well, you could have fooled me," SQ said, pulling Nathaniel's signature innocent expression that always had the adults believing him. "After all, you're a dead ringer for how he behaved right about now. Actually, considering you're about to hit people? You're worse than he is!"

Number Two made a strangled, furious noise next to Nicholas. Nicholas started to move towards SQ, before Number Two grabbed his arm. He saw red and went to swing at her with his free arm.

Milligan stopped the punch with a grip so tight Nicholas hissed in pain. "Sir," he said, "Take a walk."

"You don't get to order me around," Nicholas hissed. Rhonda hurried up behind SQ. "You understand me?! You don't get to order me around!"

"Allow me to rephrase," Milligan said, having Number Two release her grip on Nicholas and frog-marching him away down the hall. "You and I are taking a walk, together. Now."

"You can't--"

"--Can. And will," Milligan cut Nicholas off, and the edge in his voice had Nicholas realizing for the first time since this started, that he might have fucked up. "With me. Now."

And Nicholas complied. He fumed for a few minutes, until he realized they were in the maze but weren't heading for the door. Indeed, Milligan was leading him in circles. When he looked over, Milligan stared loftily back at him. "Are you done sulking?" he asked. "Are you going to scream obscenities if I allow you to speak? Are you going to run back to traumatizing SQ if I let go of your hand?"

"Yes, no, and...I do think traumatizing is a bit of an overstatement..."

"I don't," Milligan said. "That boy was shaking like a leaf when we first entered the room. He called you his father. Repeatedly. And you called him your brother's name. I think that comparison is the worst of all."

Nicholas blinked, staying silent. He remembered these things, of course, but it felt like only a small problem. Something said in the heat of the moment that could be glossed over easily with a quick apology and they could move forward. "Okay, so Nathaniel was a control freak who was a sarcastic and snarky pain in my side sometimes. I hardly see how that's an egregious error--"

"--Allow me to paint you a picture, then," Milligan said, and it sounded like he was grinding out every word to keep himself from strangling Nicholas. "You were calling. A child. The comparison of a similar child who bothered you when you were young. But this child you are calling your brother? Doesn't know this other child. He doesn't know Nathaniel Benedict. He only knows this name as attached to the man known as L.D. Curtain. An abuser. A self-absorbed, dangerous, and mercurial abuser. You are calling him a thorn in your side, but he's hearing you as an abuser. And you know that anger you feel at being compared to your brother? That's not from being compared to a thorn in your side. That's from being compared to someone who abused a young boy for a decade. In that child's eye, you're saying he's just as bad as his abuser. He doesn't have your context. Even with that context, sir, it's a horrible thing to say. You're being accurately described; he is not."

"You can't say--!"

"Sir!" Milligan snapped. "You are hurting SQ whether you want to admit it or not! The only question I have is if you're man enough to admit it and apologize, or if I need Number Two to take you to a separate location for a couple of days in order to cool off!"

Nicholas was shaking as he bit out, "Why allow me back at all, then, if I'm hurting him so much?"

"I don't know. Why should I?" Milligan challenged.

"What?" Nicholas asked, feeling like he had just been plunged into the icy waters of the arctic circle.

"Why should I let you see him? You raise an excellent point. You're hurting him on the regular, in one way or another. Why should I let you be around him?" Milligan asked. "One could easily argue the case for not allowing you to see him."

"I--I--" Nicholas stammered out.

Milligan arched an eyebrow expectantly.

Nicholas felt his breathing pick up. "I'm...I...That is to say..." Shit. Shit! He was being faced with the serious option of not being allowed to see SQ again, and he wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to do anything to ensure that he got to see that boy grow into a young man who was confident in himself, but Milligan was right; he was being as bad as Nathaniel. He was being worse, if SQ was to be believed, because he had made an honest-to-god attempt to assault Number Two. And SQ had never struck him as a dishonest child. Tears clouded Nicholas' vision. "Fuck."

Milligan stared him down. "Your crying is not going to get you out of this situation, sir."

"I know."

"You need to be held accountable for what you said."

"I know that, dammit!" Nicholas snapped. "But I have no other way to process what you just told me! Let me cry!"

Milligan watched him evenly as Nicholas broke down. Crying, incoherent screams, obscenities, the works. One big, horrid, autistic meltdown. Because he was hurting someone he loved. When he was winding down, he mumbled, "I know this isn't reason enough, but I love him."

"I know you do. Or you wouldn't be this upset at hurting him," Milligan said simply. "But you cannot keep in this holding pattern, sir. You need to learn from this mistake, and grow, and not call SQ his abuser again."

Nicholas sniffled. "If I apologized now, what are the odds that he would pretend to forgive me for the sake of keeping the peace?"

"Staggeringly high," Milligan said with a knowing look. "How about this: you and I go on errands for two hours. Number Two and Rhonda help SQ into a stable place, I help you into yours. And if, at the end of those two hours, you apologize and SQ forgives you, we move forward."

"What if he doesn't forgive me?" Nicholas asked, voice small and fragile.

Milligan sighed. Gave Nicholas a sad, but level stare. "The odds of that are much higher," he admitted. "And if he doesn't forgive you, we will have to discuss several things: what you can do to prove you're going to be better. How comfortable he is being alone with you. Who needs to be around you if he is uncomfortable being alone. And once we have that conversation...we still move forward. There's nothing else we can do." Nicholas nodded, feeling uncertain still, but significantly calmer. "Head to the door, sir. I'll grab the car keys. The weather shouldn't be rainy today, just wait at the car, all right?"

And while he felt exceedingly defeated, and highly miserable, Nicholas nodded and made his way to the car. He allowed himself to stew in guilt until Milligan walked out of the door and gave him an exasperated look. "What?" Nicholas asked defensively.

"You were brooding," Milligan said. "The whole point of this endeavor is to get you to stop brooding, sir. And start feeling more level."

"You can't tell me what to do," Nicholas sulked.

"As long as you want a healthy relationship with SQ, sir, I can. And will." Milligan opened the car door behind Nicholas and Nicholas yelped as it touched his backside none-too-gently. "In."

Nicholas got in with a half-hearted glare at Milligan. Milligan stared neutrally back. "You know, sir," he said as he drove the car down the driveway, "It might help you to not be angry at the person who is in charge of deciding if you will be allowed to be alone with someone you love again."

"I need to feel something," Nicholas argued.

Milligan nodded. "Yes, you do. Repression will lead to more outbursts. However," he added, "You need to allow yourself to let go of negative emotions. Acknowledge them. Examine them, if you must. And then let them go."

"...How?" Nicholas asked. "How do you just...let something go? It feels like anxiety is just...always burrowing into my chest and making a home there. It never wants to leave."

"You focus on other things that spark different emotions," Milligan replied. "You allow yourself to let go, and when you're done, you think, 'I wonder if the farmer's market will have those gala apples I like?' 'I wonder if the bookstore has any signed copies of that novel I've been devouring?' 'I wonder what latest math problem or theorem is shaking the world's mathematicians community?' You always get excited and happy about those sorts of things. Give yourself permission to be happy."

"I don't deserve it, after what I did," Nicholas said softly, staring at his shoes. "I explicitly said I wouldn't be my brother. And then I was worse."

"Think about it this way: you kept your promise." Nicholas squawked and Milligan gave a vague semblance of a smirk. "And now you get to move past it and figure out other, healthier ways to keep your promise."

Nicholas sill was sulking a bit as they made their way to the farmer's market in town. Milligan just drove forward, relaxed, not even acknowledging Nicholas. "So this is how we're handling me?" Nicholas sighed. "You're not going to acknowledge me until I'm in a more neutral place?"

Milligan made no reply.

"You know that can be traumatizing too, you realize," Nicholas pouted.

Not to Nicholas, not when it wasn't an important matter, and they both knew it. Milligan didn't reply.

Nicholas felt frustrated tears building. He had already had two meltdowns today, he didn't feel ready for another one. "Milligan," he breathed. "This might be an effective tactic on a normal day, but today has hardly been normal. Please, just say something."

Milligan glanced a Nicholas. "Thank you for using your words," he said blandly.

"Oh, fuck off!" Nicholas snapped.

"No, genuinely. Thank you." Milligan stopped the car. "I knew you were distressed, but not what about. You informed me. So thank you."

"...Oh," Nicholas said softly, allowing Milligan to escort him out of the car. "Now I feel like an ass. Sorry."

"You've had a long day. You're forgiven," Milligan said. "Are you willing to move forward from that mistake and help with the shopping?"

Nicholas shrugged. Followed Milligan into the marketplace.

Together, they purchased some much-needed variety in the food they would have at home, and while Nicholas started out brooding and sulking, Milligan kept forcefully engaging him in conversation that couldn't be answered with simple yes or no responses. Nicholas even got to talk a little about John Cole--not that he was close enough to Stonetown to have a regular stall at the farmer's market, but he hoped that one day he could convince his friend to drive in and they could catch up, laugh, and see what had happened since Nicholas had finished grad school. "Maybe he could meet SQ," Milligan mentioned off-hand as Nicholas' rant was winding down.

Nicholas sighed. He still felt incredibly guilty, but he was done with trying to emphasize how much of a horrible person he was for it. "Maybe. If SQ forgives me."

Milligan gave Nicholas an appraising look, and Nicholas couldn't even find it in him to scowl, much as he would like to. "You need therapy, sir," Milligan said after a long silence. "But seeing as how that is not a viable option at the moment, given the Sender's reach--"

"--My brother's reach--" Nicholas amended, this time irritated enough to scowl.

"--Then we will settle for self-help books and self-awareness," Milligan finished. "Come on, your two hours is up, time to go home."

Nicholas felt his dread mount with every step he took towards the car. He was really, really not ready to face the music.

They drove home, and Nicholas saw that SQ, Number Two, and Rhonda were making the most of the good weather, as it appeared they had taken out the large mat of a checkerboard and had proceeded to play on it. Nicholas didn't know how long that had been going on, but the sunscreen bottle was out, so Nicholas suspected at least an hour. He felt like he might collapse the second he tried to stand up out of the car. Milligan gave him a worried look. "I'm fine, 'm fine," Nicholas mumbled. "Just give me a minute."

Milligan looked displeased but nodded, getting out of the car himself and grabbing the groceries. Nicholas took several deep breaths and stood out of the car, looking at Milligan heading up the path to the door, and then looking at the three remaining members of his family on the grass. Number Two and Rhonda were noticeably not looking at him, but rather talking to each other in hushed tones, and SQ...SQ was still making eye contact with Nicholas, carefully cataloging every inch of Nicholas' mannerisms. "SQ, I appreciate you're trying to assess my state of mind, but your staring directly at me is...going to make me more agitated. Just to give you ample warning."

SQ's eyes dropped to the ground. He flinched.

Nicholas took a steadying breath. "SQ...I'm sorry. I should not have compared you to my brother. I should not have shouted. I shouldn't have done anything that might wind up instigating my temper. I did so regardless because I was under the false belief that you could handle my outbursts the same as the adults who have lived with me for many years. That is not a statement on anyone but myself. And doing so was wrong. I am terribly sorry."

SQ was staring at the ground still, his face impassive, his body not moving an inch. Slowly, he spoke. "Am I obligated to forgive you? Because you're family?"

Nicholas felt like his heart shattered at that question, but he closed his eyes. "No, dear boy. You are never under any obligation to forgive someone, family or not."

SQ nodded. He still wasn't looking at Nicholas, and Nicholas wasn't sure if that was because SQ didn't want to or if, perhaps, he couldn't stand to. He didn't even reach for his necklace, instead speaking again. "I appreciate the apology. But...but I don't feel comfortable forgiving you. Not yet."

"As is your right," Nicholas said. And I don't blame you, he added bitterly in his own mind. "I will be inside if you need me. Enjoy the day. It's truly beautiful."

And mechanically, without any thought or preplanning, Nicholas went inside and followed the steps to the kitchen, where Milligan was putting away groceries. "No?" he asked.

"No," Nicholas agreed. "God, how could I be so stupid?!" he growled.

"Sir, that's not being kind to yourself," Milligan warned.

"To hell with being kind to myself, Milligan!" Nicholas snapped. "I don't care enough about myself to do that on a good day! On a day like today?! How in the hell do you expect me to be kind?!"

Milligan sighed. "Did you blame yourself in front of SQ?" he asked.

"I said I was wrong and that I was sorry. He asked if he had to forgive me. I said no. And while I don't blame him for his decision, and rather feel like I should never be forgiven, I did not verbalize that portion of my thought process."

"Good," Milligan said. "That's the correct response."

"Then why doesn't it feel like the correct response?" Nicholas asked.

"Trauma," Milligan replied. "You were put in a situation where your brother expected nothing less than perfection and would require you to grovel for his forgiveness before he even considered accepting your apology. And you were on the receiving end of this treatment so many times it became less of a question of when to beg than how low did you have to dig your own grave."

"How did you--"

"--I recognize the signs," Milligan said. He stared out the kitchen window. "I don't remember where I may have picked up those signs, but I do recognize them. And you have all of them, sir."

Nicholas felt ire rising in him once more. "I need to be angry," he grit out.

Milligan sighed. "I don't think we need anything pureed at the moment," he said. "Nor do we need anything shredded. Do you need to shout for a while in the attic?"

"Is there a better way to get out my anger that can be productive?"

Milligan stilled. "You don't need to be productive with your anger, sir. You need to process your anger. You need to process your anger in a healthy manner. Regardless of how 'productive' you find it."

Nicholas scoffed.

Milligan turned to Nicholas and pointed to the stairs. "Head to the attic now, sir. And scream as much as you need. In fact, if you need to go hoarse for it to kick in I don't want you to be able to speak for two hours afterward. To hell with productivity. You can't do the job properly if you're doing it angry. Go upstairs. Vent. Now. And don't come back down until you're calm."

Nicholas was fuming but he did go up to the attic. Looked around. There was nothing here he felt comfortable destroying.

He took a deep breath.

And he screamed.

Some of it was coherent words, mostly obscenities. Some of it was incoherent noises. He nearly collapsed several times. He was angry, and sad, and he blamed himself. He thought that SQ might never get better while Nicholas was like this, because while SQ needed stability, Nicholas was hardly stable. And he had Nathaniel's temper, which meant that, rather frequently, he would be retraumatizing SQ again and again and again.

But what could he do about it? He screamed until his voice was hoarse, and he sat on the floor of the attic staring into nothing. He was angry, but that calm sort of anger. The sort of anger that meant he could work off of spite to continue with whatever he had been planning.

Nathaniel abused SQ. Of that, there was no question. So Nicholas would use his spite. He would fuel himself on spite to be someone that Nathaniel was not, and be a better person. If for no one else, then for SQ, but Nicholas thought...for the first time in a long time...that he might be able to do it for himself, too.

Chapter Text

Not being a safe person for SQ was incredibly difficult for Nicholas. Oh, he was sure SQ felt worse than Nicholas did; seeing as how SQ was still living in his uncle's house but refused to be alone around him, refused to talk to him without another adult present, and refused to speak at meals at all. In Morse or verbalized. But it was still difficult for Nicholas, and for the time being, he was focusing on himself.

He was hoping that if he kept an eye on himself more closely, then perhaps he could figure out how to regulate his emotions when SQ was around. He walked into the kitchen, and, finding SQ alone, turned to leave. But a questioning noise from SQ made him pause. And, slowly, SQ clicked out two short words. Uncle Nicholas?

Nicholas turned back to SQ. "Yes?" he asked.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about your apology. And how you've let me be around another adult besides just you since. And how...in general...you've respected my boundaries. SQ cocked his head to the side. I know you want me to get to my point, but I need to think these things through a bit. You calling me my dad...hurt. You've said a lot of things in the heat of the moment that hurt me. It's not a one-off. It's a pattern. Nicholas winced.

And yet... SQ continued, and Nicholas gave SQ a curious look, ...You've been making a much larger effort to respect my boundaries. You listen when I say I'm uncomfortable, and while I know you take it personally when I can't be alone with you...it's you who also makes sure that my wishes are being respected. You're trying. Really hard. And I don't think you'd stop just because I forgave you and you'd try to sweep it under the rug. So with all that in mind...thank you for your apology. I forgive you.

Nicholas felt his legs go a little weak, and he smiled sadly. "I just wish it hadn't come to that in the first place."

But it did, and while we can't change that, you can change your response. And you have. So. I forgive you. SQ gave a little shrug. Simple and complicated as that.

"It really is, isn't it?" Nicholas mused. He smile at SQ. "Regardless, dear boy, I appreciate your letting me know. This is not something I take lightly."

Believe me, I know, SQ said. I know you'll take this second chance seriously. It's one of the reasons I'm this willing to give it to you.

Nicholas felt a little emotional at that. Not just at the second chance, but because SQ was respecting himself enough to need proof of improvement before he forgave. He was starting to come into his own. "I'm proud you're articulating yourself so openly," Nicholas managed to choke out. "So proud and relieved, in fact, that I might just--"

SQ rushed to him before Nicholas was even aware he was falling. SQ bodily lifted Nicholas up and slowly eased him to the ground in a much-less painful, controlled fall. He then stepped away, and when Nicholas was mobile again, SQ walked over with food in hand and passed a bowl to Nicholas. He looked at the bowl curiously. "What is that?" he asked.

SQ gave him a vaguely confused look. "Soup," he said aloud.

"No, I can see that," Nicholas replied, "I meant, what's in it? What's it called?"

Well, it doesn't have a name that I know of, I just tossed some corn and spices and some other vegetables that were lying around that I thought might taste nice together and made a broth. SQ shrugged. Nothing you're allergic to. I was hungry, so I made something. And I made enough for everyone, because leaving anyone out of it seemed mean.

"And you...made it yourself?" Nicholas asked.

SQ shrugged again. I thought that I was gonna make something like Number Two and give her a small break. Besides, I wanted to see if I could make anything myself.

Nicholas smiled slowly. "Well, I'll taste-test it for you, if you want," he said. "Do you have a spoon?"

SQ grabbed him one and Nicholas swirled the broth in the bowl around. It didn't immediately look alarming, and it smelled pretty good, for a first try at soup. Nicholas spooned some broth out and took an experimental sip. He looked at SQ slowly. "You're sure you made this on your own? Because this is heavenly for a first try at soup."

Technically, my first attempt was with Number Two a bit ago. And that was a disaster, SQ said with a small smile. She recommended spices with some vegetables after that, and I figured maybe if I know what vegetables go together, the spices follow the same rule. You really like it?

"I do," Nicholas confirmed. "If you write down what you used, I'm willing to bet we could recreate it and Number Two would love a new recipe to use."

SQ looked beyond delighted at that prospect. I want everyone to try it, he admitted shyly. Can we get everyone to give it a go?

"We most certainly can," Nicholas said, standing up and calling into the house, "Hey! SQ made some really good soup! Whoever gets here first gets to help him write down the ingredients and recreate it with him!"

True to form, everyone came running but Number Two rushed in first. "Sir, you know you need to respect SQ's boundaries, right?"

Oh, I asked him to stay, SQ said. I told him I forgive him. He's being better.

"...Oh," Number Two said. "Well, good. Glad to see you're coming to an agreement. Soup?"

"Soup!" SQ exclaimed proudly, despite dissolving into a coughing fit immediately after. He chirped. Try it try it try it!

Number Two affectionately smiled and went to the pot, making herself a bowl. Milligan and Rhonda entered the kitchen soon after and also made bowls at SQ's behest. Number Two was the first to try the soup, and her face betrayed nothing as she swallowed, seeming to pull her words together. "Were you not required to make food for five if I were to do this to you, I'd insist that you need to become a regular cook for the house."

SQ chirped especially loud and his hands flew around without any thought. He bounced on the balls of his feet, and Nicholas couldn't help his fond smile. He had more of the soup to hide his laughter behind, however.

Rhonda tried the soup next and she hummed, eyes lighting up. "This is amazing, SQ! You got the ratio of spices exactly right!"

SQ beamed.

Milligan was the last one to take a sip, but when he did, he closed his eyes, before opening them, looking at SQ, and genuinely smiling. "You did good, kid. I love this."

SQ looked like he might burst into happy, overwhelmed tears at any moment. Nicholas finished the last of his soup and gently asked, "Do you need to sit down, my dear? You look a little overwhelmed."

After a moment of consideration, SQ shook his head. No, he replied. I might cry a bit but I'm not hyperventillating. Yet.

Nicholas laughed at the "Yet," SQ tacked on at the end. "Perhaps we should move to the dining room, just in case?" he asked. "After all, that way we can enjoy the soup and you and Number Two can go over the spice ratios and ingredients and whatnot."

SQ giggled. There's more to cooking than just ingredients, Uncle Nicholas.

"That's what the 'whatnot' is for," Nicholas easily replied with a smile. "Come on, let's all sit down."

Everyone easily moved to the dining room after Nicholas got a second bowl, and SQ gave Nicholas a shy smile when he realized. Nicholas simply nodded with a genuine smile in response. SQ's work was truly remarkable, and deserved to be recognized.

Plus, good food was good food. Nicholas would never turn down seconds of good food.

They all sat around the table, enjoying the soup, and for a moment, Nicholas could forget about everything that was going on: the Emergency, his brother, his own emotional state? All felt like tiny, far-away problems compared to the joy of just sitting around the table with his family and chatting.

Can we play Jenga again? SQ asked. It feels like forever since we've all played it together.

"I don't see why not," Rhonda said with a small smile. "Although if your uncle suggests Monopoly afterward, we may have to practice evasive maneuvers and some serious round-trickery to get him away from the idea."

"Hey!" Nicholas laughed. "Monopoly is an excellent game, and I want my nephew to experience it one day!"

"One day where friendships won't be ruined over it," Number Two interjected.

"That day will never come," Milligan said sagely.

"So we never have to subject SQ to it," Rhonda said with a little smirk.

"Ah, I see," Milligan said, his lips twitching up once more. "Saving SQ from the menace that is his uncle under the influence of capitalism."

Nicholas sputtered. Everyone was laughing, even SQ.

"You all are so mean to me," Nicholas said, shaking his head in apparent disbelief. "I can't believe you would just let me waste away without ever teaching SQ about the vital board games of childhood!"

SQ rolled his eyes. I can go without knowing how much of a menace you are in competitive board games, Uncle Nicholas, he clicked out. Sometimes, I just want to live, not recoil in horror because I landed on the boardwalk, or whatever.

"That was one time Rhonda did that, and I didn't even have two hotels down!" Nicholas protested with a grin. "Although if she's telling you about Monopoly, I suppose I can tell you about when we play Life and she gets to be the police officer! If you spin a ten, she automatically gets money from you as a fine, and she is a fiend when she comes to collect--"

"--Oh, don't even--!" Rhonda protested.

"--It's true! You nearly leapt across the table to snatch Milligan's fake money!" Nicholas laughed. "And he barely had ten grand to his name!"

SQ was watching the debate with rapt attention. I both want to play these games immediately and never want to come in contact with them again, he simply clicked out. His eyes were wide with either awe or terror. Oh, but I did see a board game I had questions about.

"Yes?" Nicholas asked.

What's Catan? he asked.

"A game that no one here ever wins without copious amounts of lying, swearing, and stealing," Number Two said. "I think it's best if we stick to Jenga."

SQ nodded solemnly.

They brought out the tower and as per usual, SQ dominated the game. Nicholas came close a few times, with some engineering moves he remembered from his college days, but still, SQ never lost a round, and Nicholas lost two.

They played for hours, but eventually, the game still had to come to an end. Everyone was calming down from the excitement, and Number Two sighed. "I'm glad the two of you made up," she said idly to Nicholas and SQ. "I never realized how terrifying you could get when truly mad, sir--I am certainly not getting that image out of my head anytime soon--but it makes me all the more happy that you're making the effort to be kind."

"Thank you, I think," Nicholas said, feeling a small pang of guilt start to gnaw at him when he heard that. He took a deep breath and shooed the guilt away. He had a long talk with every adult in the house after SQ had gone to bed, over the course of several nights, and all of them understood that he was sorry, and were willing to help him ensure that never happened again. And Nicholas truly believed that none of them would allow it. If not for his sake, then for theirs and SQ's.

Rhonda, sensing the situation could go sideways if that train of thought were continued--and Nicholas could see the uncertain anxiety behind her mask as she moved past it--instead said, "SQ, pottery class is in about three days. Are you thinking about what you're going to make already? Or have you not decided?"

SQ made a startled chirp. Oh, Belle said that she was going to bring in pottery wheels this week! We get to try wheel throwing! I'm so excited!

"That does sound exciting!" Rhonda said with a fond smile. "Tell me, sir, have you ever done wheel throwing pottery before?"

"Once or twice," Nicholas said. "But I wasn't very good at it, I'm afraid. I frequently was either off-center or got clay absolutely everywhere. From the floor to my hair." SQ squawked a startled laugh, and Nicholas grimaced. "It took three rounds of shampoo to tease all of the half-tried clay out of my hair," he admitted. "Hopefully, this time will be a little less explosive."

"Here's hoping, huh?" Number Two said, raising a glass of water.

"Here here," Milligan agreed, clinking his glass of fruit punch against Number Two's water.

"I'll drink to that," Rhonda said, tossing back the last of her apple juice.

SQ sipped at his lemonade and gave a sheepish grin. I'm still sorry about the clay stains on my clothes, he said.

"Those wash out easily enough, my dear, you really don't have to worry about them," Nicholas assured. "Trust me when I say that a small amount of dirt or clay or even paint is normal, and what's more, encouraged in this house. We want you to be able to explore the world and all it offers, which includes getting messy every once in a while."

SQ shared a small smile with Nicholas before staring at the Jenga blocks in consternation, before making some sort of pattern with them. It didn't appear to be part of the game, so Nicholas took the opportunity to just chat with everyone at the table rather than focusing on what SQ was doing. "How are we looking on the canvas front, by the way?" Nicholas asked Rhonda.

"Oh, it's not the canvas you need to worry about, it's the sketchbooks," Rhonda said with a fond smile to SQ. "He's done at least five different sketches of the same drawing from different perspectives already in the book, each of them a full page. And he's still not satisfied with the design."

Not my fault that it's so hard to draw perspective overhead, SQ responded, never looking up from the blocks.

"I never said it was, but I am fondly exasperated with your perfectionism on this front," Rhonda said.

SQ looked up, and while he looked slightly irked, he didn't seem close to a meltdown, or even a raised voice. It's a gift. I'm not saying it has to be perfect, but I want my skill level to be higher when I work on it. And it's not there yet.

Rhonda held her hands up in surrender. "You're right. I'm sorry."

SQ nodded and went back to the blocks.

"What are you building, my dear?" Nicholas asked, observing the structure closely. It didn't follow any pattern Nicholas immediately recognized, and yet there was a distinctive pattern throughout the design that SQ must have seen.

SQ shrugged. This is what floats through my head whenever I hear the radio. Well. Not exactly. It's much spikier in my head. But it's close enough.

Nicholas made a soft "huh" noise. "Do you see this shape in front of you, or with your mind's eye?"

SQ shrugged. It's not in my field of vision outside, but it seems to take up all my thoughts inside. If that makes sense.

"It does," Nicholas hummed. "It must be your brain's response to the subliminal messaging of the Emergency. I suppose at Ground Zero there's no messaging, so to suddenly be bombarded by it...that would account for the sudden intensity."

SQ nodded. Turned thoughtful. Does the messaging come through over CDs?

"CDs? No," Nicholas said. "Nor does it come through vinyl records. Why?"

SQ blushed. There was a CD I loved when I was a kid. I kinda miss it.

Nicholas nodded solemnly, despite resisting the urge to giggle at SQ's "when I was a kid" comment. "Do you remember what it was called?"

SQ made a vague gesture with his hands. I remember the artist. David Bowie.

Nicholas' eyebrows shot up, because of all the musical artists he thought Nathaniel might listen to, David Bowie was nowhere near that list. "How did you learn about him?" Nicholas asked.

My birth father apparently played his songs to me when I couldn't sleep as a little kid. SQ grinned just a bit as he said, Dad hated it, but it was the only way he could get me to sleep after a nightmare.

"Well, we can see if I have any of his records around," Nicholas said. "If I wanted a remaster on the CD, we'd need a shopping trip in order to do that. Do you remember any of the songs? He did produce more than one album."

SQ tilted his head to the side and hummed a couple notes, and Nicholas instantly knew what he was singing. "Oh, that's Starman!" he exclaimed. "It was on The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. And you're in luck, I have that album on vinyl!"

SQ grinned and followed Nicholas into the house. They had to search several halls, but SQ found the album and once they had uncovered an old record player in the attic, they set it up in the study, turned it on, and let the record play. As the first few notes came through the speaker, SQ seemed to tense up with stimming and then relax into putty at almost exactly the same time. He didn't sing along, but he did make the entire study his dancefloor, and Nicholas watched him with a beaming grin, the other adults filtering in as the music played.

Soon enough everyone was either singing, or dancing, or both. SQ's energy was infectious, and if he cried a little as Starman played, well, no one was going to call him out on it. That song made Nicholas emotional as well.

When the record ended, SQ was stimming harder than Nicholas had ever seen him do so before. It was decidedly delightful, and he did his best to keep his fondness down to a soft smile. SQ's stomach growled audibly and Nicholas couldn't help a chuckle. "I think dinner is in order," he said as SQ blushed. "Number Two, do you think we can find something quick yet filling?"

"I'm sure I can manage it," Number Two said drily. "Does our budding young chef want to help or would he rather rest?"

SQ considered. I think I'd rather rest, if that's okay.

"Perfectly acceptable," Number Two said. "I'll call when dinner is ready."

SQ smiled and waved as she left the room. Nicholas couldn't believe he was lucky enough to be forgiven and treated like family once more. This was something he would truly cherish.

You're looking at me fondly, SQ clicked out at Nicholas.

"I'm fond of you, so sue me," Nicholas laughed. "I'm glad we get to spend this time together."

SQ nodded. Yeah. Even if it means Dad wasn't a good person, it means that I get to know you. And I think that's worth it for me.

"While I think you should hold yourself in high regard and not put up with abuse or neglect, however you view it, I do think you've done that by leaving him behind. And for that, I am very proud of you, my dear," Nicholas said. "After all, we can't change the past, but we can change how we react to it. And you're incredibly mature about this whole ordeal."

SQ offered a shrug. What can I say? Dad never let me be a kid.

Nicholas cackled and only Rhonda and Milligan rushing forward kept him upright. "Indeed?" he replied when he could speak again. "I can believe that."

SQ had a cheeky grin as well and the two of them shared a small moment, knowing what Nathaniel had done to them both, but for once not mourning that fact, and instead embracing the bond it had given the both of them. Then SQ turned to the record player and started the music again, the moment passed, but the warmth did not.

The four remaining in the room did little dances until Number Two called that dinner was ready, at which point SQ turned off the music and was down the hall like a shot.

Nicholas followed behind with a fond sigh, while Rhonda gently held him by the elbow, and Milligan walked ahead with SQ as he clicked something or other about the songs they had listened to. By Milligan's nodding with a soft look, it was doubtlessly a fond memory or train of thought. For even if Milligan rarely, if ever, smiled around anything or anyone, he still had a certain look about him when SQ said something that was happy, or soft, or generally positive. It was a soft look, something resembling fatherly.

They all got to the dining room table and Number Two had already set up plates for everyone, filled to the brim with...taco toppings? "We ran out of taco shells, but everything else needed was there," Number Two said at Nicholas' questioning glance. "So tonight is a night for taco salad."

"Works for me," Nicholas said. He noticed that as for everyone's usual spots, the portions were all set up for what everyone normally ate, save for SQ, who had...nearly as much food as Number Two, and Number Two had more than a small appetite. Nicholas was careful not to make a comment about it, as SQ sat down.

They were all chatting and laughing and for the first time in quite a while, SQ was talking at the table in Morse Code. He also was devouring everything on his plate rather quickly, and Nicholas didn't comment, but didn't fail to notice that SQ only started slowing down when he was two thirds of the way through the plate. And even then, he didn't look close to full. His appetite was growing.

As it should, Nicholas realized. SQ was not only comfortable with everyone in the house again, but he was twelve years old. Growth spurts and puberty and hormones meant that SQ would most likely be devouring everything their family offered him and more. They had the money for it, of course, but Nicholas would need to take into account SQ's preferences for snacks and ensure they had a greater quantity of those in the house. Without making him self-conscious. Somehow. And Nicholas thought, rather grimly, that would most likely be the hardest part.

SQ always acted like basic necessities were some great trial for all of them to fulfill. Nicholas hated that he felt that way. He understood where it came from, Nicholas had that worry too, but damn it all, SQ wasn't raised in an orphanage, that shouldn't have been a worry for him! He deserved to not have to worry about eating, or being loud, or taking up space.

Uncle Nicholas, SQ shook Nicholas out of his reverie by shaking Nicholas' shoulder. Why are you upset?

Nicholas took a deep breath. "Just some unpleasant memories getting dredged up," he said. "Nothing for you to worry about, my dear. But I have a question for you."

SQ tilted his head to the side in question.

"What are your favorite snacks that we've had around the house, or ones that you miss from the school where you were raised? I think that it's prudent to have those around the house, after all, you've been having a couple snacks more often. Which isn't bad," he cut in as SQ turned nervous, "You're a growing boy and that's to be expected. I just want to know which ones you prefer."

SQ made a soft "Oh." Then, he clicked out Do you want an itemized list? Because I have an itemized list in my head.

"Let me grab a pen and paper and I'll be sure to write it down," Nicholas replied, standing to grab a notepad from the junk drawer in the kitchen. With any luck, SQ wouldn't hesitate to grab what he needed when they got his preferred foods.

Chapter Text

SQ was bouncing next to Nicholas as they walked into the community center, with his earplugs firmly in place as his hands covered up his beaming smile. Nicholas had no need to guide SQ to the exact room they were going to, but he kept a hand on the small of SQ's back, just in case. SQ was constantly elated every time they came to the community center for pottery, and he had been talking extensively about how he wanted to try the wheel-throwing today.

It made Nicholas incredibly fond, and while SQ would laugh as he pointed it out, there was no malice or hard feelings between them. It seemed like Nicholas being fond was just a fact of life, as much as the moon waxing and waning, or SQ still, technically, being on the lam.

But even that fact wasn't enough to get either of them down, because as they walked in the room, SQ made a series of happy chirps. The pottery wheels were already set up in a massive circle. And Nicholas and SQ were the first students to arrive. Belle was already portioning out clay. "Hey, you two!" she said, never slowing down in her slicing blocks. "Are you ready for today?"

"SQ hasn't been able to calm down the whole week after you said we were wheel-throwing after last time," Nicholas said with a teasing grin at SQ.

SQ stuck his tongue out at Nicholas as Belle laughed. "I will say, it's harder than it looks at first glance," she warned. "But if you give yourself a little time and a little patience, you can create lots of really interesting pieces."

As Belle went back to cutting clay, Nicholas and SQ got seated on opposite sides of the circle. SQ cheerily waved at Nicholas and Nicholas laughed, waving back.

The other students were filtering in, and Belle started passing out the clay blocks. SQ was experimentally putting his hand in the bowl of water next to the wheel, and he pulled it back in shock, before sniffing his fingers experimentally. He looked at Nicholas and mouthed, "Water?"

Nicholas bit back a laugh and nodded, amused.

Belle clapped her hands as the last student shuffled in and said, "All right, everyone! Who's ready to throw some clay?"

SQ made a fake throw at Nicholas, who held his hands up in surrender as much as to block the imaginary clay.

"No, not like that, SQ," Belle laughed. "Now, I'm going to go over some basics on how wheel throwing works, but you need to try it to really get used to it, so I'll be brief. Sound good?"

Everyone agreed, and Belle summarized: center the clay, wet it, and then stick your thumb in and slowly build out the walls. Don't move the wheel faster than you could handle, unless you wanted clay going everywhere. And then they got to work.

Nicholas molded the clay into a ball, watching SQ more than his own work. The boy was enraptured, pressing the foot pedal for the pottery wheel experimentally as he worked the clay into a ball. He slowed the pedal to a stop, placed the clay ball carefully in the center and sprinkled some water on it. Then, he pressed on the pedal, and the clay puttered into the splash pan. The boy yipped, slowing down the wheel, picking out the clay, and trying again.

Nicholas placed his own clay on the wheel and carefully built an indent in the center, really not wanting a repeat of his college days. He glanced up at SQ every so often, and the boy had realized that he needed to secure the clay more firmly into the wheel to try and get it to stick. He leaned on the pedal, slowly at first, and then, he got the indent into the center. Nicholas slowed down his own pedal as he was satisfied with his bowl, and then looked back at SQ, realizing a second before disaster that SQ had added a bit too much water to the clay. SQ pressed a little further on the pedal, and disaster struck.

It was like everything happened in slow-motion. The clay sputtered, spilling out from underneath SQ's hands, and shooting in all directions, from the splash pan, and further up, spitting into SQ's hands, getting all over his T-shirt and jeans.

Nicholas cringed, waiting for the inevitable PTSD response, the meltdown at the thought of causing more work for the next round of laundry.

It never happened.

SQ stared at the wheel in shock, before he burst into peals upon peals of laughter. He peeled off the clay from the splash pan, and molded it back into a ball, pushing it down firmly onto the center of the wheel, and starting over again. Nicholas stared a moment longer, before grabbing the wire that allowed him to take the clay off the wheel, pretending nothing had happened. Best to not make a big deal out of it.

Nicholas was shocked, however. SQ always profusely apologized for any clay stain on his clothes, with a sheepish smile and some laughs, but genuine nonetheless. And now...now he wasn't the tiniest bit afraid of any unseen retribution. Nicholas was overjoyed that SQ wasn't afraid, but he knew that if he tried to mention anything about it SQ would turn nervous and sheepish, and Nicholas didn't want that. He simply took his bowl off the wheel and placed it in his locker to dry, taking some deep breaths with his back turned from SQ so as to not succumb to cataplexy. Belle came over to him and asked, "Are you all right?" in a quiet tone.

"SQ's just rarely unapologetic about making a mess, perceived or otherwise, when we go home. The fact that he simply laughed off his mistake...it's something I'm cherishing," Nicholas said. "Unfortunately, cherishing that also means I'm prone to a narcoleptic seizure."

"Oh! Oh, dear, I'm so sorry, do you need to sit down? Can I help at all?" Belle fretted.

"I'll be okay," Nicholas assured, giving her a smile. "After all, I know to take it easy, there's little risk of me falling boneless to the floor if I'm cognizant of my triggers and take care to manage--"

SQ's laugh pierced through the air again and this time, he spoke along with it. "Uncle Nicholas! I did it!"

And Nicholas was on the floor in less than a second flat. Belle squeaked and the entire class started murmuring. "Oh, it's okay, he does that!" SQ exclaimed, rushing over. "Sorry, Uncle Nicholas," he murmured, helping Nicholas sit upright against the locker. "Are you okay?"

"Just very, very happy," Nicholas said weakly. "You managed to make a bowl?"

"Mhm!" SQ confirmed, pointing to the pottery wheel. Sure enough, a bowl was sitting there, with a slightly misshapen rim and doubtless varying thickness in the walls that might make it difficult in the kiln, but for a first (successful) try, it was marvelous.

"Well done, my dear," Nicholas murmured. "Do you want some help taking it off the wheel? I'm not sure I'd be of much use right now, but I'm sure Belle can assist you."

Belle started. "Are you sure--?"

"--I'm fine, I assure you. This is far from the first time this has happened," Nicholas laughed. "Give me a moment and I'll be back on my feet."

Belle pursed her lips, but nodded and got the class back to work, finishing up their first bowls, and she got SQ's bowl off of the wheel without so much as a dent. She placed it in his locker and SQ sat next to Nicholas for the duration of the class until it came time to clean up. By then, Nicholas was able to move and helped clean up his station, listening to Belle's protests the entire time. When both of their stations were clean and Number Two walked in, Belle turned, exasperated, to her. "Your boss fainted in the middle of class today," she informed Number Two. "And insisted he was fine and could clean up his station by himself, when he has, in fact, stumbled nineteen different times since he stood. Yes, Nicholas, I've been counting and I'm unamused. You need to set a good example of self-care, here. Don't push yourself beyond your limits!"

Nicholas sighed and gave Belle a smile. "I appreciate your concern, Belle. I promise I'll rest as soon as I get to the car. I just wanted to ensure you weren't stuck cleaning up the entire station by yourself."

"I don't mind if it means you don't pass out on me again," Belle said.

Number Two looked at SQ and did a double-take. "Ah, I take it the wheel-throwing was productive?" she asked him.

SQ nodded with a beaming grin, grabbing his necklace in a vice and explaining, It took a couple tries but I did it! I have a bowl drying in the locker now! I'm gonna use it if I ever eat cereal in the house!

Number Two laughed. "You never eat cereal in our house."

SQ stared her dead in the eyes and replied, You never asked what kind of cereal I like.

Number Two turned to Nicholas, who merely shrugged. "He's right. We haven't."

"We'll rectify that in the car," Number Two said. "For now, you two, I think it's high time we go home."

SQ happily followed them out to the car and Nicholas shared a happy smile with Number Two. "No meltdown? Really?" she asked under her breath.

"He only laughed and started over!" Nicholas relayed with barely held back excitement. "I couldn't believe it!"

"Nothing short of a miracle," Number Two breathed.

"Indeed, the miracle of gentle parenting," Nicholas replied. His heart clenched. He wondered, briefly, if Nathaniel had been the recipient of such a thing, would they all have ended up in this mess. He supposed it didn't matter, but it did make him sad to think about how much hurt could have been avoided if either of them had received such a thing. But more pressing, he wondered how SQ would have flourished if Nathaniel had decided to break the cycle, rather than perpetuating it.

SQ laughed from behind him, Nicholas missing what had been said to cause him to laugh, but Number Two was smiling. And Nicholas realized it wasn't too late to stop that cycle, and allow SQ to flourish with him. He could be the change in SQ's life that allowed the boy to come out of his shell, to laugh, to live his life, unhindered. No one looming over him, no one micromanaging his every move.

Already, SQ was making massive strides into becoming his own person. And he was quick as a whip, and a little goofy, but he had a certain energy about him that meant Nicholas could see him becoming if not a professional artist, an esteemed engineer or something similar with spacial recognition. All he had to do was push himself just a little further away from his father's influence, and he could be anybody he wanted.

Nicholas knew that person would be kind and compassionate, above all else, but beyond that? He had no clue what his nephew might become.

And that was exhilarating to think about.

SQ trilled as they reached the car and Nicholas sat in the back with SQ. SQ wasn't particularly saying anything, but he kept fiddling with his necklace and trilling and chirping. Nicholas didn't know if something was on his mind or if he was just bursting with energy over the evening's events. It could very well be both.

The ride back to the house made SQ fall asleep, with his head on Nicholas' shoulder, and in that instant Nicholas knew that SQ had exhausted all his mental bandwidth on their pottery class. Not that he minded, especially considering the results. But it did remind Nicholas that SQ was still a child, and more than that, he was a child who was neurodivergent and had unique limits that Nicholas had to account for.

When the car stopped, SQ squinted, blinking awake and taking out his ear plugs with an irritated, pinched expression. Nicholas chirped a soft laugh himself. "Come on, dear, we can get you to bed in just a little while. You need to shower first."

SQ sighed but dutifully got out of the car, and followed Nicholas and Number Two inside. He didn't reach for his necklace, and Number Two and Nicholas didn't speak, but it was a companionable silence. No one felt pressed to speak, so no one did.

SQ broke off from their group to grab pajamas from his room and go to take a shower. Once the water was running, Nicholas started to chuckle and Number Two was making happy noises as she said in a hushed shout, "He wasn't upset! Even when put in the shower!"

"I know!" Nicholas all but shouted back. "It's truly inspiring! The fact that he doesn't think of that right away, and if he does, he doesn't worry about being in trouble, it's nothing short of--"

"--A miracle!" Number Two finished.

The two beamed at each other for a moment longer before Nicholas sighed. "I, too, should probably get rid of the clay on my person. However I don't believe this discussion should close!"

"We need to relay the information to Rhonda and Milligan as well," Number Two said with a sage nod. "Everyone deserves to know about his growth. But yes, shower first."

Nicholas nodded and easily went to the bathroom, furiously scrubbing the clay out of his hands and hair. He was humming happily as he put on pajamas of his own, not entirely calm, but nowhere near how he had been feeling when cataplexy had struck in pottery. When he walked out into the hallway, he found SQ rubbing one eye and yawning as he was heading to Nicholas' room. "Something the matter, my dear? I would have thought you'd want to go straight to bed, as tired as you were," Nicholas said.

Nothing's wrong, SQ clicked on his necklace. I just wanted to thank you.

"Thank me? Whatever for?"

For not caring if I make a mess, SQ replied. And for letting me read any book I want from the study. And for helping me with my proportions in my drawing, and for teaching me how to cook eggs, and for everything, really. I just. Really love living here. With you.

Nicholas smiled, bittersweet though it was. "I wish we had met under better circumstances," he admitted, "But I am very happy you're here, and you are most welcome. Now, should we herd you into your bed or are you willing to stay up a while longer?"

SQ yawned again, replying, Bed.

"Agreed," Nicholas laughed. He herded SQ into his room, set him up in bed, kissed his forehead with a soft, "Rest well," and he bid SQ goodnight.

Exiting the room, Nicholas felt his chest warm at the memories of earlier that night. He walked down the hallway to the laundry room, where SQ had undoubtedly left his clothes to soak. He found Number Two already there, inspecting them alongside Rhonda. "What's the verdict?" he teased.

"Two hours of soaking, and a wash with the heavy soil setting," Rhonda said.

"If that fails we'll soak overnight and wash it again tomorrow," Number Two crisply informed him.

"I can only imagine the panic attack he must have had in the middle of class," Rhonda tutted.

"That's the curious thing!" Nicholas said. "He didn't have one!"

"Really?" Rhonda asked. She whistled lowly. "That's...incredible."

"Nothing short of a miracle," Number Two said. "I said it before but it bears repeating."

"Our boy is growing," Nicholas said with a fond smile. "He's making truly admirable progress in becoming a confident young man. I can't wait to see where this new self-assurance leads him."

"Hopefully to become more bold, stand up for himself, advocate for what he needs," Rhonda said. "Don't think you're the only one who notices that he frequently denies himself something on the first question, for reasons we can't know."

Nicholas nodded, a soft sigh passing his lips. "He thanked me. For not being mad at him making a mess. He's aware it happened. But...he knows no one here will be upset with him. He understands his father's--my brother's--rules don't apply here, but...he still knows them. Has them memorized by rote, undoubtedly. And it upsets me that he has had to endure that."

"But you do know what you can focus on instead of the pain?" Rhonda asked. "The fact that he knows those rules is painful, yes. But he's aware those rules don't apply here. He's aware those rules don't apply to you."

Oh.

"Did I break him?" Rhonda asked Number Two turning halfway away from Nicholas.

So that's what Milligan meant by letting go. The pain was there, curled up tight in his ribcage, stealing his breath away. But the knowledge that SQ had that distinction, the fact that he understood he wouldn't be in trouble for doing something out of some invisible line Nicholas could only vaguely sense, beat that pain away, diluted it until his chest could expand with air again. He had this anger, this sorrow, yes, but he could let it go. He could let it pass through and focus on the positive. And if he couldn't find anything positive, well, he could always try to find something neutral. And here he was, convinced that he would never learn this skill! It had only taken him forty-something odd years. He took a shaking, beautiful, happy breath as he took in the moment.

And then he was in Number Two's arms, being fretted over. He almost didn't want to get up, wanted to relish in the happy feelings just a moment longer.

But he took a steadying breath, pushed himself back onto his feet, and nodded. "I'm all right," he said. "Where's Milligan?"

"Doing a patrol of the grounds, last I checked," Rhonda said. "We haven't seen anyone around recently, but a house down the street did just get purchased, so we made sure to play the part of the married couple when we were able to get a glimpse of them. Strangest thing, they were wearing all gray."

"Not unlike the Recruiters, but just different enough we can't confirm," Number Two added. "Your brother might have two different kinds of security--one for kidnappings and another for surveillance or general peacekeeping on the island. It would not surprise me if he was setting up patrol in the neighborhood, or a safe house near our own so he could come closer to finding us."

Nicholas felt his dread mounting, but forced himself to breathe and nodded. "That would make sense," he agreed. "So. What are we going to do about it?"

"We need to tell SQ tomorrow," Number Two said with certainty. "Even if he might be scared, we can't risk him running off or being out in the yard unaware of what might be going on. That would create a bigger target on his back."

"Where exactly is the house?" Nicholas asked. "Is it the one on Stream Drive? Or the one by Applewood Terrace?"

"Applewood," Number Two said. "They're not in direct line of our house."

"But they are just a few blocks away, which does make things a bit too close for comfort," Rhonda said.

"Agreed," Nicholas replied with a nod.

They moved to the study to talk strategy, how they might find the new owners, what they could suss out from their neighbors who would undoubtedly try to greet the new homeowners eventually. And most of all, how to let SQ out of the house, without an adult always present, without risking him getting abducted. Because as much as SQ liked having the adults around, sometimes, he wanted to feel like he was on his own, even if it was only in the yard. He needed that independence. That space. And Nicholas intended to give it to him.

They were already growing hedges around the edge of the grounds, but Number Two proposed they let them grow a little higher than the two or three feet they were at now. They couldn't reasonably expect it to grow to six feet--and that would arise suspicion, as well--but maybe getting it carefully trimmed to four, plus the iron fence out front, would keep most people away from sneaking into the yard.

The iron fence, Rhonda pointed out, was also in need of some WD40. A little grease that would make it shriek less. And while the noise grated on everyone, Nicholas suggested using the barest amount needed to make the noise tolerable, but still there. Not invisible. A warning signal that someone they didn't know was approaching. The side entrance with the driveway is always, always what the members of the house used. If someone used the iron fence, then they were an unknown factor. Someone who didn't know the unspoken rules. A potential threat.

Milligan eventually entered the room, looked over the schematics that Number Two had pulled of the grounds, and said, "I see you told him about the new neighbors."

"We did," Rhonda said.

"Thought it might be prudent," Number Two added.

Milligan nodded. "I saw them out front, sitting on the porch, setting things up. They were wearing gray coveralls as they were moving boxes, but they are wearing slightly brighter, more colorful outfits. It is possible they didn't want to get their day clothes dirty."

"We won't dismiss them outright, but that is also a possibility," Nicholas allowed. "Thank you, Milligan."

Milligan nodded again. "How is SQ?"

Nicholas felt a beaming grin on his face. "He made quite a mess of his clothes at pottery today, but there was no meltdown, and no tears to speak of! He was able to feel safe with us!" The unspoken words between the lines: he's no longer scared of me seemed to ring through the air.

Milligan nodded. "Glad to see that he's beginning to grasp that the fight is over."

"For him, at any rate," Number Two corrected. "We still have quite a bit of fighting to go."

"Sadly true," Nicholas murmured. "But I think that, tonight, we shouldn't focus on that. We had established lines of defense against potential threats, and if we keep going, we'll exhaust ourselves and become sloppy. Let's take the moment to relax for what it is."

They all looked at each other, willing someone else to be the first to let their tense shoulders drop. Rhonda looked directly at Nicholas. "Are you capable of that, sir? Of compartmentalizing that fear, that anxiety?"

"I do believe I'm getting there," Nicholas said. "While I may not be...immediately able to calm myself down, I do not wish to dwell on that anxiety tonight. I can ask to process that worry tomorrow, when we can actively do something to abate it. However, since it would be too late to booby trap the yard without the whole neighborhood waking up, I think just staying here with a distraction would be beneficial."

All of them chatted late into the night, and only when it was eleven did Milligan go to bed, admitting that the early morning watch had made him need sleep. Rhonda dropped away half an hour later, and then it was just Nicholas and Number Two. "Go to him," she said softly.

Nicholas startled. "What...?"

"I know you've wanted to, all night," Number Two said. "It's all right, I'll keep myself occupied. You need that reassurance. Go to him."

Nicholas nodded, with a resigned, thankful smile. He slipped down the hall, padded socks creating footfalls that approached SQ's room. He slipped in without a word, sitting in the desk chair and watching SQ sleep for what had to be twenty minutes, just measuring his breathing. SQ was safe. He was safe. His father, Nicholas' brother, wasn't going to get him.

He wouldn't touch either of them here.

Chapter Text

SQ was devouring a protein bar, sitting cross-legged in the living room across from Nicholas, where they both were attempting to devise a way to make a chessboard more interesting, maybe sculpting their own figurines with Belle in the future. Nicholas was struck suddenly by the mundaneness of it all--SQ was simply eating one of the snacks he had said he had liked and they had started storing with more frequency, and Nicholas was pouring over an art history book, and SQ's sketchbook and pencils were strewn about on the table along with the chess pieces. And in spite of that, Nicholas' heart ached and hammered. The thought of the Emergency was looming in the back of Nicholas' mind, and he couldn't help but wonder--how much longer would this go on?

When did the Emergency reach its natural conclusion?

SQ looked up and smiled. Nicholas forced his smile to reach his eyes in return. This wasn't something SQ needed to worry about. He didn't want his nephew to have that thought looming over his head more than it already was. After all, when Nicholas had informed him about the new couple that had moved in and how they were wearing all gray, the boy had refused to go into the yard unsupervised for a week. Nicholas didn't need to be adding to that anxiety.

And for now, SQ didn't notice any strain in Nicholas' facial expressions. He turned back to his art he was observing on the table as he ate, tilting his head from side-to-side, considering everything about this seemingly innocuous drawing of a chess pawn. Eventually, he finished eating, and picked up his sketchbook. He observed it from side to side, squinting heavily. After Nicholas had gotten ready to ask what was the matter, SQ reached for his necklace and Nicholas' words died in his throat. This is me, SQ clicked out with barely a hesitation.

Nicholas blinked. "What was that, dear?"

SQ looked up at Nicholas. The pawn, he replied, facial expression conveying he thought it was obvious. This pawn is me.

Nicholas took his turn to squint. In his mind, this was entirely incorrect, but he wanted a way to soften the blow.

SQ looked just beyond Nicholas' ear. You're the king on the chessboard. You need to be protected at all costs. But I'm a pawn. I'm expendable when push comes to shove. The poor boy's hands were shaking. I don't want to be given up so easily.

"Well, I suppose it's good that you and I view the chess board very differently, then," Nicholas replied simply. "Because I think you're the king on the board, SQ."

SQ tilted his head to the side.

"Well, when the king is in peril, the only option is to protect him from being captured," Nicholas said. "If the king is captured, dear boy, the entire game is lost. No one here would have known how dire the straits were with the Emergency had you not been here to inform us. And every last one of us would give up our freedom in an instant if it meant we could protect you."

SQ frowned. But you're the one who alerted everyone to the problem. You knew about the problem before I told you the last of the information you needed to fit the puzzle together.

"True," Nicholas allowed. "But had I not known I was going up against my brother, I may have been more likely to make mistakes. To err on the side of reckless in order to gather the team I needed. I may have made less calculated, rasher decisions. I know with my brother I need to be meticulous, leave no room for error. I must have everything set up precisely so. For everyone's sake. You're the reason we keep forward. You and every child like you who deserves a better future."

SQ hummed his reluctant acknowledgement. If I'm the king, though, what are you?

Nicholas hummed. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "Some might be eager to cast me as the queen, the most powerful piece on the board, or the bishop, with wisdom and the knowledge of this game. Or perhaps even the knight, with the ability to move in unpredictable ways."

You disagree, SQ mused, But you're most certainly not a pawn.

Nicholas chirped. "Your confidence is flattering," he said with a small, wry smile. "But yes, I rather disagree about being a pawn in this game as well. You see, I think I might be a rook."

SQ's eyes lit up. That fits you, he agreed. You stand on the edges, not worried about getting dirty if necessary in the fray, but often underestimated in terms of sheer movement and power.

Nicholas smiled. "Also flattering," he allowed. "But I was thinking more in terms of the chess move known as 'castling.' Do you know that move?"

SQ hummed, feet banging against the base of the chair he was in as he thought. He looked back to Nicholas and shook his head after much deliberation.

Nicholas nodded. "It's not something I would expect my brother to teach you," he admitted. "It is, however, permitted within certain parameters. Provided the king is not in check, and there are no pieces in the way of the rook and the king, the two may move together across the board, the king two spaces to the right or left and the rook to the space the king skipped. It's usually a move reserved for when the king is about to be in danger, and make no mistake, SQ, I would forever rather myself be taken away than you be lost."

SQ sighed. That makes no sense, he clicked. But many of your...sentimental statements don't make sense to me. I guess this is just one of those "love" things.

"It is," Nicholas laughed. "It's very much one of those 'love' things."

You know, SQ considered, I think your brooding every so often today has to do with me again. Don't get me wrong, you're good at hiding it! he added as Nicholas went to protest, But I also happen to know your tells.

Nicholas sighed. "In my defense, it only is tangentially related to you," he almost-grumbled. Griped might have been a better word, as he wasn't trying to conceal the statement. "It's about my brother."

SQ nodded. You're thinking about what he's done? he asked.

"And what he plans to do next," Nicholas agreed. "The Emergency--it can't be the end-goal. There must be something after, something planned that we don't know about. The Emergency is creating chaos--something that Nathaniel wouldn't be able to stand. Why would he create something he loathes so much?"

SQ frowned, before his eyes widened and he dropped his sketchbook. He fumbled for it, and barely caught one of the wire spirals just before it hit the floor. The Improvement, SQ clicked in a rush after he put the sketchbook on the table. Oh. God. The Improvement. His breathing was picking up speed and he whimpered under his breath. "No," slipped past his lips, seemingly without thought. "No. No no no."

"My dear?" Nicholas asked, standing from where he was on the floor, and slowly approaching SQ. "My dear, what's wrong?" When he couldn't grasp his nephew's attention, he only grew increasingly more worried. "SQ. Please. Breathe. What's the Improvement?" Even though dread was piling in Nicholas' gut as he suspected he knew the answer, he still pushed onward, hoping for a different explanation.

It's what comes after the Emergency, SQ admitted with a whimper. I saw pieces of it in Dad's journal. The pieces that weren't in cipher. Your name and address weren't, some other things were also in plain English. The Improvement was listed several times, followed by a cipher I couldn't crack.

"Do you know what it involves?" Nicholas asked, dread piling ever higher.

SQ shook his head, slowly. I know it involves Dad taking control. Of something. Someone. I don't know who. But if he's creating chaos, splitting things apart...

"Divided we fall," Nicholas breathed, the realization crashing over him like a wave. "Well, shit."

SQ mumbled a half-delirious, incredulous, "You never swear," before his eyes fluttered and he passed out into Nicholas' arms.

Nicholas' breathing picked up and he swallowed his own fear just long enough to shout, "Number Two!" before he, too, wound up unable to maintain a sitting position.

Number Two rushed into the room, and as Nicholas managed a half-hearted groan, SQ's eyelids fluttered. "Oh my god," Number Two breathed. "Oh my god. What happened?!"

Nicholas couldn't get his mouth to move properly, another slurred groan the only thing he could manage to express. He was, however, able to point to SQ, and Number Two gently shook SQ, helping him rouse, and she gently placed him back in the armchair, albeit with his knees propped over the armrest and a healthy dose of pillows under his head. "SQ? SQ, are you okay?!" she asked.

Nicholas heard a faint mewl of, "H'swore," before Number Two frantically said, "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Mmm. Four," SQ mumbled, before choking coughs permeated the air.

Nicholas struggled to prop himself up and found SQ red in the face with tears in his eyes, and he looked like he might have a panic attack at any moment. "Sincerest apologies about the salty language, SQ," Nicholas said with a weak laugh. "I had no idea you had such a faint constitution."

SQ couldn't even manage to stick his tongue out at Nicholas, only managing a weak scowl through tears. "'S not funny," he said, before coughing more. Shaking hands reached for his necklace. Dad's gonna do awful things! And we can't do anything about it!

Nicholas sighed. "I know it's scary, but we are taking steps to prevent--"

SQ cut him off. They're not going fast enough, he insisted. They're gonna fail if we take too long. Dad's been working on this for as long as I've been alive. Maybe longer.

"Which is why we need to be careful about our plans," Nicholas insisted. "We can stave it off, SQ. I promise. But it takes time. Much like building the Emergency has taken time, building our team to infiltrate the school will take great lengths and a decent amount of time to remain inconspicuous."

It's time we don't have! SQ insisted frantically. Uncle Nicholas, we don't have that time! Dad is impatient! He's gonna get everything up and running the second he gets the chance, no matter how risky it is!

Nicholas closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. Because SQ was right. The second Nathaniel got the chance, he would seize it and refuse to let go. And what's more, he'd ensure everyone around him was put through hell in the immediate lead-up and aftermath if they pushed back against him in any way, shape, or form. "We'll make time," Nicholas promised. "We'll find a way and we'll make extra time, SQ. If we have to, we will."

SQ looked doubtful. And what was worse, Nicholas didn't blame his nephew in the slightest. He knew Nathaniel perhaps more intimately than Nicholas knew him. He certainly had more time with this recent version of Nathaniel that Nicholas had yet to meet. This bitter, calloused version who apparently took every question as a personal slight to his genius (although the more Nicholas considered this, the more he realized that could be applied to their childhood as well to a lesser degree).

"SQ," Nicholas said, slowly and carefully regulating his tone so as to not show his frustration--or more importantly, his worry--over the situation, "I have examined these signals about the Emergency for years. They never increase in strength or frequency without extended tests before they grow and stay strong. I promise you, should the day come for fast action, we will be able to recognize and identify it. Yes, this is scary. Yes, this is far from what would be ideal. However. We do have time. It is not as much as you or I would like. But we will find our team and we will be able to stop my brother. Of this, I have no doubt." And he was going to force all his false bravado into that statement until it became less of a lie.

Still, SQ appeared distressed. There were unshed tears in his eyes. I don't want to go back. He gripped his necklace tight, tight enough Nichlas was surprised the wearing plastic didn't break. I don't want to go back to him. If he turns up the strength, who's to stop him from making me listen?

Number Two cut in, "You just said yourself you don't want to go back, SQ. If you reject the message outright, you won't struggle with listening to it or not. You might have guilt, you might have conflicted emotions. But you have to do what's best for yourself, and you know that means not going back to your father. You won't go running to him just because of the strength of the signals increasing. With you understanding what he did, what he's doing, you won't accept him being a good person for you without major adjustments on his end."

SQ didn't quite look appeased, but he seemed slightly more reassured. He sighed, his grip on the necklace growing lax. He nodded, still looking somewhat distressed.

"Remember, SQ, none of this is your fault," Nicholas said softly. "If you want to look at this objectively and truthfully, you've provided us with so much valuable information we didn't have otherwise."

SQ still looked doubtful. But he nodded. I know I help. I don't know how much, he said. It seems like you guys have everything all solved and it's just a matter of stopping Dad.

"But that's the hardest part," Nicholas said. "And you've told us so much when it comes to my brother. It is truly invaluable. We wouldn't know who he was if it weren't for you. You need to understand, SQ, that you provide more than you know."

SQ sighed. I guess, he allowed. Paused. Did you know that you do the same?

Nicholas frowned. "How do you mean?"

Well, SQ shrugged. It's you and Number Two and Rhonda and Milligan. All of you. You don't question me, you help me when I get overwhelmed, you allow me my autonomy--thank you for teaching me that word, by the way, it's very helpful--and you still are there in case everything becomes too much. And you buy my favorite snacks when I told you them. You got me cereal that I liked when you realized I eat it as a snack sometimes. And you just--I don't know--you know that's important to me, right? You know Dad never did that, and you're the one who showed me what family is?

Nicholas swallowed thickly. He could feel his eyes stinging and he worked on keeping his breathing even. "I had hoped...but I suppose it doesn't matter what I hoped," he murmured. Swallowed again. The lump in his throat was nigh unbearable. "I'm very glad we could teach you that, my dear. It's a very important lesson to learn."

SQ nodded. I know. That's another thing you taught me.

Nicholas laughed and collapsed to the floor again.

Number Two said, "You never exactly clarified what these 'bad things' were to me. Do you know what they are?"

Not exactly, but I know it's called "The Improvement," SQ replied. Dad's trying to take over the world, I think. Well, maybe not the whole world, not yet, but a big part of it for sure. And I don't know how or when but it's gonna be soon. It's gotta be soon, because Dad's impatient and he won't want to wait.

"Yes, you've mentioned that before," Number Two said sourly, and Nicholas forced himself up off the floor with a groan, into a nearby chair. "We'll have to see what we can do soon. How are you feeling, sir?"

"Well, my back hurts, but emotionally I'm as well as ever."

Number Two squinted at him. "Horrendously depressed then. Understood."

Nicholas cackled and fell backwards into the chair. Number Two was smirking when Nicholas sat up again. "Rude," Nicholas said, pointing at her.

Number Two shrugged, smirk never wavering. "Sorry, sir, but I need to get my shots in somewhere and you're an easy target when you're in a good mood."

"You just said I was horribly depressed."

"I said you were horrendously depressed."

SQ was snickering. Nicholas bit back a smile. The distraction was working, and Number Two was an expert at redirection. "I fail to see how one is less accurate than the other."

"Pedantic semantics are vital to our subterfuge. Sir," Number Two tacked on at the end.

SQ was outright laughing at that statement. Nicholas was grinning himself. "Well, excuse me, then," Nicholas joked. "I still fail to see how being horrendously depressed means I'm in a good mood."

Number Two shrugged. "Everyone has their moments of clarity."

And like divine inspiration, Nicholas realized something. "The island," he said, talking to SQ, "Does it only have one dock?"

SQ frowned but nodded. Waves are too choppy outside it, he answered.

"What are you thinking?" Number Two asked.

"I know exactly which pier would be able to ship supplies to the school," Nicholas said. "Perhaps we could...delay shipments to vital parts of this grand scheme. Buy us some extra time."

SQ's face lit up. Dad would hate that, he clicked out, and his face was one of utter delight at the realization.

"All the more reason," Nicholas said, gesturing to SQ but looking at Number Two. "Shall I propose a stake-out?"

"I'll alert Rhonda and Milligan and we can come up with a plan," Number Two said, hurrying out of the room.

SQ looked only a tiny bit apprehensive as Number Two left, and Nicholas hoped the apprehension was a misread on his end and instead SQ was excited. Relieved might have been too much of a stretch, but Nicholas could believe SQ would buy into a little shcaudenfreude for the sake of sweet revenge. Nicholas smiled at SQ and said, "Do you think you want to keep designing chess pieces, or do you have any ideas?"

With a shrug, SQ clicked out, I think I'm done for the day, but we can do it again tomorrow. I'm tired of questioning my own existence.

"I thought drawing soothed those worries?" Nicholas asked.

Not in self-portraits, SQ said, contemplatively looking at his pawn sketch.

Nicholas gently closed the sketchbook. "Then perhaps a distraction is in order," he said. "Maybe we should play a game? I know you don't feel like sitting still with the way you're fidgeting, so I suspect a book would be out of the question."

SQ collected his pencils to stack on top of the sketchbook and nodded. I don't see myself as the king no matter how much your "love" thing thinks otherwise, he informed Nicholas. I won't say you're wrong. But I will say I don't see it.

Nicholas sighed, shrugging. "The price I pay for being sentimental," he said with a little shrug.

SQ rolled his eyes, before running a hand through his hair and grimacing.

"Something wrong with your hair?" Nicholas asked.

It's so...long, SQ replied after a pause. I haven't got it cut since I got here. It never bothered me much before, but it's gotten too long.

"It does rather resemble emo fringe at this point," Nicholas considered. "Should we schedule you for a haircut at the local barber's?"

SQ frowned for a second. I would have thought with all of you guys, someone in this house would know how to cut hair.

"Rhonda does," Nicholas agreed, "But I know you; you want someone who you know won't judge any style you go for. That's why I suggested a barber. Besides, Milligan might not be super particular about his hair, but I am. It's one thing that I'm very sensitive about, sensory-wise, and this is the only barber I trust with my hair outside family."

SQ's eyes widened at that information. He must be very special, he clicked out solemnly.

"Indeed," Nicholas said. "Are you up for an appointment?"

SQ nodded.

"I'll make the call," Nicholas promised. "Now, in the meantime, what do you think we should do?"

SQ pulled a face and shrugged. I don't know, he said by way of reply. I'm like...not tired, but not able to sit still, but also not up for anything massive.

"Restless?" Nicholas offered.

SQ's eyes lit up and he snapped and pointed at Nicholas, nodding. No idea what to do about it, though.

"We'll find something," Nicholas said. "Let's think about it a little. I'm sure we can find something."

SQ considered. Can we update your filing system in terms of books? Just so we can find things?

Nicholas squawked at the mere thought and SQ burst into giggles. "Absolutely not!" he declared. "I need that filing system exactly the way it is!"

SQ scoffed. Right, because "date bought" and "last read" is such a good filing system.

"Don't tell me you haven't grown accustomed to figuring out where the books I recommed to you are based on year!" Nicholas exclaimed.

I haven't, SQ said. Uncle Nicholas, I barely have a concept of time before I was born, never mind the number of books you may have bought from the time I was born to five years before.

Nicholas sputtered dramatically, and SQ beamed. "You wound me!" Nicholas declared. "Oh, jail! Jail for SQ! Jail for SQ for one thousand years!"

SQ cackled in delight and dashed off, Nicholas hot on his heels. They made their way into the maze rather quickly, SQ making no note of the turns he was making, and Nicholas following him in kind. Eventually, Nicholas grew tired of the chase and had to slow down, looking around in circles to figure out where, exactly, SQ had gone. "SQ?" Nicholas called.

He didn't get a response, not in a breathless giggle or a visual wave, or even barely-audible clicking.

Dread built in Nicholas' stomach. He knew he had no reason to be anxious; after all, they were safe in Nicholas' house. But that didn't mean he wasn't worried when he couldn't see his nephew.

He moved into the next room and looked around. No sign of his nephew. Nicholas felt the dread mount. "My dear, this isn't funny anymore," he said. "Please, can you respond?"

A shuffle from his right. His head snapped over, because the tread was too heavy to be SQ's but he couldn't see anyone in view. He hesitantly turned and started to walk into the room, before Milligan jumped into the doorway. "Sir," he said. "Stay here."

"Dare I ask why?" Nicholas asked.

"The couple in gray are approaching our house," Milligan said. "I've alerted Rhonda to answer the door but we don't want anyone else visible."

Ice travelled up Nicholas' spine. "SQ and I were chasing each other in the maze, and I couldn't keep up," he said. "What happens if he gets in their sights?"

Milligan turned solemn. "I'll find him," he said. "Stay. Here." And the way Milligan ran made Nicholas' dread only grow.

He breathed shakily. "Oh. Oh, dear." He braced himself against the wall and slid to the floor. "Oh no. Oh, no."

And Nicholas wasn't sure how much time passed before someone shook his shoulder. The hands were too small to be Milligan's or even Number Two's, but as Nicholas stirred, the shaking only ever got more persistent. A whimper punctured the air. "Screwed up, Milligan," and that was SQ's voice.

"I don't think so," Milligan said neutrally. "The two of you were having fun. No one out front saw you or heard you. The fact that you ran faster than your uncle doesn't mean you screwed up."

The shaking was harder, now, and SQ sounded distressed as he whimpered, "Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

Nicholas forced his eyes open, a Herculean task, but SQ breathed a sigh in relief as it happened. He hugged Nicholas tight and hauled Nicholas into sitting upright, and Nicholas was stunned at how strong SQ had become. Nicholas was under no circumstances light, simply because he was six foot, and SQ managed to get Nicholas upright and hold him that way on his own. Nicholas' arms clumsily wrapped himself around SQ. "Wh'n did you ge'so strong?" he slurred.

SQ laughed. Milligan showed me how to work out without a gym and it's kinda fun, SQ clicked out with delight. Are you okay? We couldn't get you awake for two minutes.

"A sleep attack, I suspect," Nicholas said simply. "No need to fret, SQ, I promise."

SQ took a shuddery breath. "Sorry I scared you."

"Water under the bridge, I promise," Nicholas said as his mouth became more cooperative. "I'm just glad you're all right."

Chapter Text

SQ was swinging his legs in the back of the car, observing the other cars surrounding them as they went into the city proper. Nicholas didn't blame him; the community center wasn't super busy at night, and the streets surrounding it were rarely crowded. As such, he never got to see how busy the city could truly get in the middle of the day.

Nicholas was lightly holding SQ's hand, just to reassure himself the boy was still there. He hadn't failed to notice the curious looks some of the neighbors gave when they had seen SQ. It was rare that anyone was home long enough or at the right time to see the boy playing in the yard not by the hedges, so to have SQ squealing with laughter as Milligan swung him 'round into the car, well...Nicholas was concerned about the attention.

Milligan was driving, as per usual. SQ was gazing out the window, also as per usual. There was no overt reason for Nicholas to feel anxious. He took in a breath, and as he held it told himself his anxieties were unfounded. Then he let it go, willing his body to relax.

It worked, but only a little.

SQ gawked as a bus whizzed past them to their right, and he made a delighted little squeak. Nicholas followed his gaze. "The bus, my dear?" he questioned.

It's so big! SQ made an exaggerated gesture along with the explanation. How many people can it hold?

"Depending on the hour, I've seen up to forty," Milligan said. "If there's no seats, some will stand. There's handrails to make it easier, but rush hour is brutal when you take the bus."

"Quite right," Nicholas agreed. "We try to avoid it as a general rule. Of course we'll take the bus, it's more the rush hourwe will avoid getting on."

SQ nodded sagely. Doubtless he would hate being packed in like a sardine.

They pulled up to the barber shop they had scheduled SQ an appointment for, and Nicholas beckoned SQ out of the car. "Milligan will be behind us in a moment, dear, but he needs to find parking first," he assured. "Come on, let's go in and see if there's any styles you lile."

SQ nodded and the two walked inside. Nicholas went over to the style books and offered a few pages to SQ, just to see what he might like. Not long after, a delighted voice called out, "Nicholas!"

"Tommy," Nicholas said with a warm smile, hugging the barber briefly. "Good to see you again."

"You're in a bit of a need for a cut, I see," Tommy teased, pulling down Nicholas' curls until they met his eyebrows. "But you booked a double?"

SQ peered out from behind Nicholas with an inquisitive expression.

Tommy jumped. "Oh, that's creepy," he breathed. "Almost exactly the same behavior as...you know."

Nicholas sighed. "Good reason for that, I suppose," he said as SQ shrank a modicum closer to Nicholas. "Please refrain from calling him 'creepy,' Tommy."

"You're right, you're right, I'm sorry, kid," Tommy said, holding his hand out to shake. "Tommy Jacobs, at your service."

SQ hesitantly shook it. He opened his mouth to speak, before glancing at Nicholas helplessly.

"Ah, SQ here isn't much of a talker, Tommy. But he's more in need of a cut than I am."

"Yeah, I can see," Tommy said, doing a once over of SQ's hair. "Good reason for him acting like your brother? What in the hell is a good reason for acting like him?"

Nicholas sighed. "Tommy," he warned softly, "This is my nephew."

Tommy looked stunned. "You found Nathaniel?!"

"No, it appears SQ ran away and found me. There's a long, complicated story behind it, I fear," Nicholas said.

"He must have been a terrible father," Tommy said, face darkening. "You tell this kid he did the right thing?"

SQ looked past confused and straight into frightened bewilderment. "SQ, Tommy and I wound up in the same orphanage," Nicholas explained. "He knows all about myself, and, as a consequence, Nathaniel."

SQ cocked his head to the side. It's still so weird to hear you call him that, he said. Like. He changed his name and all, I had never heard it before you.

Nicholas just shrugged helplessly. "It did make him harder to find, which was doubtlessly the goal," he said. "But let's move on from that musing, shall we? Do you know what sort of hair cut you'd like?"

Thankfully, SQ took the bait. He pointed at a photo of a boy with a low fade and hair slightly floppy from the length on top.

"I can do that, no problem," Tommy assured. He glanced at Nicholas. "You're getting the usual?"

"That would be correct," Nicholas confirmed.

"Well, then, let's do the new guy first so I can get to know him a bit," Tommy said, but Nicholas noticed his smile was a touch strained.

SQ didn't notice, however, and his whole face lit up in a genuine smile. Tommy relaxed a fraction. "Nicholas, I assume you can translate whatever your nephew is saying?"

"Of course," Nicholas said.

"So, how old is he?"

"Twelve," Nicholas said.

"Hm, you don't hold yourself like it," he informed SQ.

Thanks, it's the trauma, SQ clicked back.

Nicholas howled with laughter and slumped backwards in the chair Tommy had pulled up for him. Tommy rolled his eyes. "Did you have to say whatever you said with such an innocent expression?"

SQ just snickered.

Nicholas sat up and woozily translated, "Thanks, it's the trauma."

Tommy very nearly chopped SQ's hair off far too short. "Christ, child," he breathed. "So you don't need me telling you that you did the right thing, then, I'm assuming?"

SQ shrugged.

"Mixed feelings," Nicholas said. "The same is true for me."

"I'll tell him what I tell you, then: Stockholm Syndrome," Tommy replied.

SQ squawked.

Tommy pulled out an electric razor and said, "Hold still, bud, just for a minute."

"You know that's not fair, Tommy. Neither of us had much of a choice when it came to Nathaniel."

"I mean, that cements the concept, to me," Tommy replied. "You both couldn't deal with the hand you were dealt? Yeah, of course not. Because the hand you were dealt was to a family member who was pure and simple sadistic when you weren't looking. I've never told you some stories about him, Nicholas, for good reason. Whoever the man he became, it was not a kind one. Based on what he did as a child, when he should have known better, Nicholas, I'm talking ten to twelve...you're better off without."

Nicholas sighed, observed SQ. He wasn't trembling, he didn't look frightened. He looked...resigned, but at the same time, his eyes seemed hazy, unfocused. Like he was replaying through memories that Nicholas could only guess at. Nicholas didn't like the thought of guessing what SQ must be going through, what Tommy was referring to. "You're saying he behaved himself when I was around? He was still incredibly distressing to all parties, including myself."

"Unfortunately, Nicholas, that's exactly what I'm saying," Tommy sighed. "Your brother was not even remotely a good influence, a good person."

Nicholas winced. "I had hoped...but I suppose that doesn't matter, does it?"

"No," Tommy said. "It matters in the sense of who you are, and your character, but it speaks of nothing to Nathaniel."

Nicholas nodded, leaned back in his chair. SQ was observing himself in the mirror, appaerently fascinated by the hair cutting process. He turned his head when told but always tried to spy himself in the mirror, even if it was only out of the corner of his eye. Nicholas was relieved the conversation, if not going over his head, was at the very least not overtly distressing.

Milligan walked in and Nicholas gave him an aborted wave. SQ didn't turn to look while Tommy had the razor to his head, but he did turn as soon as Tommy was done, and grinned when he saw Milligan. Milligan shuffled over and stood behind Nicholas. "Anything wrong?" Nicholas asked.

"Nothing besides the nearest parking job was three blocks away." Milligan grimaced. "Uphill."

Nicholas sighed. "Some things cannot be helped, Milligan, it's quite all right."

Milligan hummed. Lightly tapped a message on Nicholas' chair leg, so subtle that SQ wouldn't notice. Had some interlopers on the way over. Nothing unsavory, but a couple people asking seemingly innocent questions about where I was going. I told them the market down the way. Lost them in the fruit.

"I see," Nicholas murmured. "Thank you."

SQ hummed in question.

"Nothing, SQ. Milligan just reminded me we might need to go shopping soon. Not today, however."

SQ clicked out an Okay, and resumed watching his haircut.

Tommy knew all of Nicholas' tells, and sent him a knowing look, but said nothing. Directly, at least. "You said he ran away?" Tommy asked Nicholas.

"That would be correct," Nicholas replied.

"Do you think his old man even noticed?" Tommy asked.

SQ gave a shuddery breath.

"SQ reports having heard sirens when he ran away from the boarding school he was a part of, so doubtlessly Nathaniel was informed about the development," Nicholas said, toeing around the truth best he could.

Tommy grunted. "It's whether he cares enough that is up for debate, then, got it."

SQ clicked out, I want him to look for me, but not too hard. I want him to care just enough that it hurts, but not enough to get me back.

Tommy glanced over at Nicholas and Nicholas translated. Tommy gave SQ a small nod in the mirror. "You want proof that he cares about you, even if it's for the wrong reasons."

SQ nodded.

"That's Stockholm Syndrome."

SQ squawked and burst into startled laughter while Nicholas admonished, "Tommy!"

"Don't tell me I'm wrong!" Tommy defended. "He wants his dad to care about him but never saw any consistent signs? He was trapped with a self-absorbed prick of a father who would never love anyone more than himself? That's not a good father, that's the direct link between a child with attatchment issues trying to get his captor to love him the same way he loves that prick. And that's Stockholm Syndrome!"

"That's not strictly the definition, Tommy," Nicholas sighed. But he had this conversation many times before, and knew it would be of no use.

"It's close enough for the purposes of this conversation," Tommy brusquely replied, as he always did.

Nicholas sighed. "Just wait until my nephew has finished losing his mind before you cut his hair more? I'm worried you'll hack a piece off on accident. SQ does not move in predictable ways."

"Yeah, yeah," Tommy agreed. "I would never want to give him a bad first experience."

"And the second?" Nicholas asked, arching an eyebrow.

"We don't speak about that for now," Tommy said, and SQ giggled a little more at the exchange.

When he had finally calmed down, Tommy finished the cut, saying, "I'm kind of surprised you went for this style."

SQ shrugged. I chose what I wanted. Not what Dad would want. Nicholas translated.

"A wise choice," Tommy said with a nod. "Always be true to yourself, first. Everything else and everyone else is secondary."

SQ nodded sagely. Sound advice, he agreed. Thank you.

After a moment of contemplation following the translation, "It's not a matter of thanks, so much as it is a matter of listening to my advice. Your uncle here is terrible at that. Truly atrocious."

"That's hardly kind, Tommy," Nicholas said placidly. "And remember, I'm the one giving you the tip."

"You make a fine point, Nicholas," Tommy said with a put-upon sigh. "For once."

"Tommy," Nicholas warned.

"I kid, Nicky, you know I kid!" Tommy laughed.

And while that was true, Nicholas really wasn't in the mood, and he said as much.

Tommy held his hands up in surrender and moved SQ out of the chair so Nicholas could have his turn. "Ready?" Tommy asked.

"Ready," Nicholas replied. 

This portion went much faster, because Tommy knew Nicholas' hair and head, while Nicholas knew when and where to turn. All in all, it was a much needed cut, and Nicholas, as per usual, tipped Tommy handsomely. "Thank you, Tommy," he said as Milligan and SQ left for the car.  "This was really necessary for all parties, I think."

"It's my pleasure, Nicholas, as always. You just take good care of your nephew for me, or I might fight to take him off your hands!" Tommy laughed.

"I will," Nicholas promised. "Make no mistake, Tommy. I will."

"Good," Tommy said. "Now get out of here, will ya? You attract all the riffraff!"

Nicholas laughed and followed Milligan and SQ out. "Home, then?" he asked.

Please, SQ agreed.

The three of them walked to the car, Milligan following behind Nicholas, while Nicholas kept an eye out for anyone idling by the car. Thankfully, neither he nor Milligan saw anyone. Milligan took care with driving, but certainly took a more circuitous route than he otherwise might have were he not followed earlier. SQ noticed. Did someone follow us? he asked.

Nicholas took a deep breath. "Not us," he said. "Milligan. It's just a precaution, SQ, no one was idling by the car, or following us from the barber's. And Milligan is excellent at avoiding tails. We don't quite know why but we do know that he can do it without attracting suspicions from anyone, so we're safe."

SQ still looked uncertain.

"I know you don't doubt my abilities," Milligan added from the front of the car. "I won't be insulted, whatever your next question is."

What if the Recruiters are better? SQ asked, after much hesitation. They have all sorts of things that allow them access just about anywhere. And no one ever suspects them. I don't want to go back to Dad, I don't want you guys getting hurt, I don't want to deal with them ever again.

"Understandable," Nicholas said. "But I doubt they're better. Milligan has had so many people assume that they've seen him before and interrogate him about who he is. Even if, for whatever reason, he had the same training as the Recruiters, he has gained skill over the years that those following us would not have. Experience is an excellent advantage, and Milligan has so much experience all of it won't fit under his belt."

SQ looked only mildly appeased.

"SQ," Milligan added, "I would like you to examine how much of your fear is founded, and how much of it is your brain getting stuck on an idea and refusing to let go, no matter the reasoning that means it's not true. Because that brain getting stuck feeling is called anxiety, and it's unfounded nine times out of ten."

I don't like that ten percent where it's founded, SQ replied.

Milligan heaved a sigh. "I know you don't," he said. "But is your fear founded in truth after hearing what we've told you?"

Tears pricked SQ's eyes even as he slowly shook his head. But I don't want to be dismissed, he said.

"We're not trying to dismiss your fears, we're trying to address them," Nicholas responded. "We want to show you why you don't need to be afraid. It's not that we don't want to listen, SQ--we just don't want you to be in pain, or fear, or anger any longer than absolutely necessary. We can't avoid those feelings but we can most certainly address them when they start to crop up."

SQ curled up with his knees under his chin. I'm scared, he said. This is scary. Between the grey neighbors and now being followed? This is scary.

"It is," Nicholas agreed. "This is a scary thing that we go through. I know I feel uneasy, I know Milligan has countless times where he has come home and merely had to remind himself that we are all alive, and okay, and safe. This isn't us not being scared. This is us having more experience dealing with that fear, and processing it healthily."

SQ blinked and a few tears fell as his breathing grew shuddery.

"Would you like to do some breathing exercises, my dear, until we get home?"

SQ squeezed his eyes shut tight. I want this to not be happening, he said.

"Well, seeing as how we can't stop the situation, what's the next best thing that would help?"

Being calm, came the response.

"And how can we make you calm?" Milligan asked.

SQ took another shuddering breath and opened his eyes. Not through breathing, he answered. I need something else. I don't know what it is.

Nicholas felt in his jacket pocket for anything that might be a distraction, and was pleasantly surprised to find an old worry stone. "SQ, would grounding in other ways work for you?" Nicholas asked.

SQ shrugged, looking at Nicholas curiously.

"I have a worry stone," Nicholas took it out, showing the thumbprint indentation and passing it to SQ. "When you rub at the edges, you can focus on the difference in texture and fidget without having to struggle in order to get some stimuli."

SQ took the stone, and rubbed his thumb over the indent. His breathing was still quickened, but he was examining the stone closely, turning it on the pads of his fingers, looking at the dull color of emerald green, and he didn't glance out the windows anxiously looking for attackers in the shadows. His breathing started to even as he continued to rub the stone. Tears were falling at a slower rate. He was calming down, he was grounding in a way that didn't require anyone else. It was startling to Nicholas, to realize SQ was capable of exiting that doom spiral on his own. Of course, he would have to self-soothe if Nathaniel was his father, but the fact that he could stop the spiral instead of existing in it silently was a huge relief to Nicholas. He didn't want SQ to suffer needlessly.

Nicholas didn't find comfort in the worry stone as much as he did with his plaid, anyway. He was glad it would be getting some good use.

SQ kept rubbing the stone all the way home. Staring out the window with contemplation, now, instead of anxiety. They stepped out of the car, and SQ looked around. He seemed a little dazed, a touch bewildered. “Everything all right, my dear?” Nicholas asked.

SQ nodded. The stone…it works, he replied. I didn’t think it would but it did.

“Well, I’m glad you found comfort in it,” Nicholas said simply. “Everyone feels better when they have ways to calm themselves down, I think.”

“I know I do,” Milligan added from behind Nicholas. “Do you want to go inside, SQ? Or would you like to stay out here a while longer?”

SQ tilted his head to the side. I don’t know, he replied. My body feels calmer but my mind doesn’t feel here. I know where I am but I don’t feel like me.

Milligan and Nicholas shared a worried look. “Perhaps it would be best to at least retreat to the porch, then?” Nicholas offered. “Even if we don’t go fully inside?”

SQ nodded, still having that dazed look in his eyes. Nicholas gently herded him to the porch, and they both sat in rocking chairs. SQ’s feet gently pushed his chair back and forth, and the distance slowly retreated from his eyes as he rubbed the stone and rocked. He blinked, once, twice. Uncle Nicholas? he asked.

“Yes, my dear?” Nicholas replied.

Why are you rocking?

“This is a rocking chair.”

You’re not rocking in the direction of the chair.

Nicholas paused, and his stomach dropped as he stilled. “I suppose I was worried about you.”

SQ wrinkled his nose, looking over.

“You look like you went three rounds in the ring with your father, with how dazed you seem.” Nicholas shrugged, trying to get himself to move again, but finding himself incapable of it, after having been made aware of it and having it be referred to as “rocking,” which he usually only attributed to stimming, especially with autism. Distressingly, this only made him feel ever worse.

SQ squinted. I’m…remembering things. Things I don’t usually remember.

“Oh?” Nicholas asked.

It feels like they’re happening right here and now, SQ said. Even though I know they’re just memories.

“Oh,” Nicholas repeated, significantly more worried. “I suspect you’re experiencing flashbacks, my dear.”

That’s the PTSD thing? SQ asked.

“Indeed,” Nicholas said with a nod, still trying to move but feeling paralyzed. “Goddammit,” he muttered.

SQ looked at Nicholas with such a fear in his eyes that Nicholas thought he might die or lash out in an instant.

Instead, he took a breath. “Not at you. At my brother, and at myself. I can’t…I can’t…”

SQ squinted. Oh. You can’t stim?

“Not after it was pointed out,” Nicholas agreed. “And the fact that Nathaniel hurt you to that degree, I’m just…so impossibly furious, and I need to move and I need to process but I can’t.”

SQ hummed his understanding. Can you rock with me? In the rocking chair? Not side to side. Front to back.

Nicholas let out a shaky breath. “I thought we were already doing that.”

At the exact same speed? SQ challenged. Come on, let’s make it a game.

Nicholas sighed, willing to at least humor SQ if it kept him engaged. They moved back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and SQ was grinning, his eyes growing a little clearer. Nicholas eventually stopped keeping up with SQ, but SQ didn’t seem to mind, only rocking a little faster after Nicholas tapped out. SQ looked out over the yard and said, Thank you.

“Whatever for?”

For giving me that time with the challenge. It helped both of us, I think.

Nicholas frowned before finding out he was, indeed, calmer after having focused on matching SQ the whole time. And upon further inspection…

He was rocking still, just not in the way the chair was designed. He forced himself to keep doing it, much as it pained his upper functioning that it was wrong wrong wrong.

SQ looked at him again. Uncle Nicholas, can you stop punishing yourself?

“I’m trying to settle for continuing movement at the moment.” Nicholas grit out, “Because stopping will only make me feel worse.”

SQ tilted his head to the side. You know stimming isn’t bad.

“I do.”

You stim.

“I…yes, I’m doing that right now,” Nicholas said. “I fail to see the significance.”

If stimming isn’t bad, and you stim, then you moving around isn’t bad. It’s stimming. It’s neutral at worst, and helpful at best.

Nicholas took a breath, tears building up much as he was trying to ignore them. “SQ, I’m trying to remain open-minded about it, but I’ve been through a lot today, and I don’t want to acknowledge that I’m neurodivergent right now.”

SQ looked conflicted. But I think you have to.

Nicholas groaned. “Can you articulate why you think that?”

Because otherwise you’ll— SQ was cut off roughly by the dog clicker making a loud sproing noise and one of the buttons popped off. Nicholas and SQ watched as it flew into the garden in front of the porch.

“Ah,” Nicholas said softly.

SQ cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Um. You have to acknowledge you’re neurodivergent,” he murmured. “Because otherwise you’ll beat yourself up and you’ll reason you shouldn’t be upset and you’ll try and push through. That’s how you get burn out, Uncle Nicholas. That’s how Dad got incredibly cranky and crabby and would snap at me worse. That’s what I was remembering with the PTSD thing.” SQ coughed. “Ow,” he breathed.

Nicholas winced. “I’ll tell Milligan to get a new dog clicker sooner rather than later,” Nicholas said.

SQ beat a Thank you, on the porch chair.

Nicholas nodded. “Are you okay if we just…stay out here a moment longer before I do that, however?”

SQ nodded. “Why?” he asked softly.

“Because I feel like I need to…stim more openly than I would allow myself to, even around the others.”

“Oh,” SQ breathed. “Yeah. Makes sense. Take your time.”

So they continued to rock on the porch a while more.

Chapter Text

There was a decided nip in the fall air. Nicholas was standing outside, appreciating the breeze, as SQ chirped excitedly next to him, carrying a canvas bag that had grown quite heavy over the course of the night. Belle had been using the kiln for the past week, firing everyone’s pottery pieces for the first three months of the course. SQ had insisted on carrying their pieces, both overjoyed at having the final, finished glaze on all their items and more than a little worried that he would drop them and they’d shatter. He was rocking heel to toe, heel to toe, waiting beside Nicholas as they stared out into the cool air. Number Two had promised to bring the car around, as she had parked a little while away.

Nicholas understood that was a precaution as she had seen a lot of Recruiters in the area as school started to pick up. They were spying on truants, and runaways, but that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t only focus on their assignments, if they saw SQ.

He hoped that SQ hadn’t caught on to this fact.

But SQ seemed perfectly preoccupied shifting their bag from one shoulder to the other as they waited. When he grimaced, Nicholas offered, “I can take a turn carrying the bag, SQ.”

SQ shook his head and reached for the new dog clicker Milligan had gotten him. No offense, Uncle Nicholas, but I don’t trust you not to drop it on accident.

And that was a fair point. Nicholas had been sleeping worse than usual, his nodding off in the middle of the day, even standing upright, apparent to everyone. “I suppose you make a point,” Nicholas said. “Still, as we’re waiting for Number Two, we could put the bag on the ground, yes? No need to carry it if we’re not moving.”

SQ pondered that a moment, before nodding and setting the bag down on top of his feet. He rolled his shoulders and sighed in relief. He looked up at Nicholas with a grin. I never thought I’d get to make pottery, he said with that grin ever-present on his face. It was the one thing Dad couldn’t do with me and my art. He said it would get too messy, and he didn’t want to bring a kiln onto the island and risk damaging it, or any of the children hurting themselves with it.

“Doubtless he also wouldn’t know how, exactly, to operate it at first, and when you don’t know how to use a kiln, you risk quite a bit of burns, and fire hazards.” Nicholas wisely didn’t mention that it might have been a control tactic, his brother seeing exactly how far he could push his rules onto SQ. The very thought that his brother would experiment with restrictions made Nicholas’ stomach churn. “I understand his reasoning, but I still think it’s good to experiment with all kinds of art, to see what resonates with you.”

SQ hummed his understanding and nodded. The importance of self-expression.

“Indeed.”

Number Two pulled up with the car and SQ hoisted the bag up, carefully, onto his shoulder. He hadn’t let even Number Two take a peek at the contents yet, despite knowing it was their finished pieces because, in his own words, he “wanted the reveal to be a spectacle for the whole family to enjoy.” And Nicholas wisely didn’t mention exactly how, why, and what that made him feel, about SQ considering all of them his family.

Number Two, however, had no such reservations, and as they got into the car, the bag placed carefully in SQ’s lap, she teased, “Are you sure you can’t give your favorite family member a sneak peek at those contents of the bag?”

SQ giggled and nodded. It’s a surprise! he insisted. And everyone’s my favorite family member, not just you!

Number Two huffed, but she was smiling. “Why, you would think that I, of all people, would be allowed a little look-see! Just to know if we should buy more cereal!”

SQ laughed again, louder. No! No peeking!

Number Two gave a put-upon sigh that even Nicholas smiled at, and drove them away from the community center. “Oh, well. Such is life, I suppose. You can’t have everything.”

SQ laughed and teased back, That’s quitter’s talk!

“So there is a way you would let me see early?” Number Two challenged.

SQ nodded with a slight smirk. But you failed the task already, so it’s a moot point.

“What would that task be, exactly?”

Bringing Rhonda and Milligan to see, too.

“Then that’s not seeing it early!” Number Two laughed.

Earlier, then.

Number Two laughed again, and Nicholas joined in with a chuckle of his own. SQ was beaming, soaking in the attention but also perfectly content to just be present in the moment with them. Nicholas wrapped an arm loosely around SQ’s shoulder before giving him a loving squeeze. “You’re shaping up to be a troublemaker after my own heart,” he laughed.

SQ giggled. You? A troublemaker? he asked.

“Oh, indeed,” Nicholas said. “It took quite a bit of testing boundaries and talking with Rhonda, Number Two, and Milligan, to determine when and where I could be a rapscallion, but every so often I like to scare the Dickens out of them. Keeps them on their toes.”

“And it’s never a safety concern, more a jumpscare or a prank,” Number Two said, glancing in the rear-view mirror towards SQ. “So don’t get any ideas.”

SQ shook his head. I’d never dream of it, he said, and Nicholas could tell he meant it.

They pulled up to the house and SQ hoisted the bag up onto his shoulder again, trilling over and over, and Nicholas made a soft noise of his own in response without much thought. He tried to insist to himself that he didn’t need to make a big deal out of that, and he could just enjoy SQ’s happiness, but he felt self-conscious about his noises even so.

And then SQ turned at Nicholas in delight and trilled again, and Nicholas couldn’t help but smile tentatively back and make that same, soft sigh that had a bit of a tone to it as well. SQ led Nicholas to the house, Number Two following up the rear, and before Rhonda could even get out a hello from walking into the house, SQ was trilling again, louder. He was off like a shot through the maze, or as fast as he could be when carrying precious cargo. Rhonda looked at Nicholas and Number Two curiously.

“Finished pieces night,” Nicholas said by way of explanation.

“Ah. That would do it,” Rhonda said, and all of them made their way to the dining room, where SQ was corralling Milligan into a seat while bouncing on his tip-toes.“Such a commotion!” Rhonda laughed, “Surely, it must be important!”

SQ turned to her, uncharacteristically serious, and nodded solemnly. The clay has been glazed and fired, he explained. The time has come for the reveal.

Nicholas, for his part, was almost in stitches and somewhat dumbfounded he was still mobile. He leaned against the table, wheezed, and collapsed in a heap that Number Two and Rhonda barely caught.

He was unceremoniously hoisted into a chair and when he could move his head up again, SQ was grinning, a million-watt thing that lit up the whole room. Who’s ready for the first piece?

A round of agreement rose up in the room and SQ pulled out one of his sculptures, a small yellow and red bird. Then another, which was brown. And yet another that was all blue. He pulled out five of these birds, each more intricate and ornate than the last, and paused as he ordered all five on the table. Nicholas grinned, as he knew exactly what piece SQ was building up to. The other three were watching with rapt attention.

SQ pulled out the final piece of the set, his very first pinch pot which was laden with carvings and extra clay around the side to mimic a bird’s nest, and Number Two gasped, Rhonda immediately started pointing out the details she noticed, and Milligan nodded solemnly with a rumbled, “A very important piece indeed.”

Happily placing the birds in his pot, SQ reached into the bag again.

Even though Nicholas had seen all of these pieces (and indeed, had made half of them), he was still excited to see this play out. SQ’s looking into the bag, determining which piece should come out next, his ranking in order of importance, was fascinating to observe.

Next, came out Nicholas’ first bowl, slightly misshapen around the rim, with a dip in one side, but a rich, forest green, and Rhonda laughed. “I know who made that one,” she said, throwing Nicholas a teasing glance, to which he responded with an eye-roll.

SQ looked back in the bag, before making a triumphant chirp and pulling out a vase in a pale yellow color, which Number Two immediately said, “Oh, that’s delightful!”

SQ grinned and gently nudged it forward to her.

“I know he glazed it with you in mind,” Nicholas said drily, offering a smug grin.

Number Two took the vase in careful hands and nodded. “I will treasure this,” she promised SQ. “I will most certainly treasure it.”

SQ beamed, and took out another pinch pot, this time one of Nicholas’ pieces. It was done in rich brown tones, glazed over in careful stripes. Nicholas knew that SQ was building up to the finale now. He pulled out his own bowl, the one that he had thrown on the wheel that fateful day with the mess. It was a bold, sky blue, and he beamed as all the adults complimented it. And Nicholas was somewhat surprised, seeing as how that was the last of SQ’s pieces. Indeed, the only piece left was…

Nicholas’ figure sculpture. SQ pulled it out and placed it on the table, a small figure that same sky blue as SQ’s bowl tugging on the arm of a green figure, urging the green figure forward. There were no faces, no features, barely feet where the two figures stood, and Nicholas was convinced it would never make a museum exhibit, but it was his gift to SQ, as a welcome of sorts to his side of the family. And SQ stared at it, as enraptured and enamored as he had been when Nicholas explained through the glazing process what he had chosen the colors for.

Everyone was looking at the pieces with such an intensity that Nicholas felt like they may as well be at a museum looking at curated fine art. Milligan inspected the bowls carefully, Rhonda was asking questions to SQ about his bird’s nest pot, and Number Two, after the commotion had settled down, hesitantly pointed to the figures. “I think I know the meaning behind that one,” she said softly. “And I think I know which one of you made it.”

Nicholas offered her a small smirk. “It is rather obvious what I did while SQ was making birds. And I think he did far more intricate work than I.”

“But yours still holds so much emotion,” Number Two argued. “And that is worth its weight in gold.”

SQ returned his attention to the sculpture in question and let out a happy sigh. You know that desk you cleared for me in the study? he asked, looking at Nicholas.

“Intimately,” Nicholas replied drily. “I had to sift through all the books on it in order to give you a modicum of space.”

This is going on it, SQ said definitively. This is going to be the forefront of many decorations that are eventually going to cover that desk.

Nicholas felt his heart warm as he said, “There is nothing I consider higher prasie.”

And he promptly slumped out of his chair.

Number Two fretted over him as SQ laughed, not out of nervousness, but apparently at delight in Nicholas’ earnest reaction.

When Nicholas could sit up on his own again, SQ promptly walked over and hugged Nicholas, and Nicholas shakily returned the touch. He couldn’t believe that SQ would take so much delight in a piece of work in a medium that Nicholas hadn’t partook in for what had to be…oh, easily fifteen years.

…Well, that was a lie. He could believe it all-too-easily, but he didn’t want to focus on the fact that his brother probably didn’t make his son anything more intensive than the basic necessities or anything that SQ could be manipulated with.

SQ broke out of the hug and inspected the statues more, trilling once. He yawned. I love this, he said simply. I love it so much.

“I’m glad,” Nicholas said. “But you look like you might fall asleep where you stand. Perhaps it’s time to get ready for bed?”

SQ tilted his head to the side in thought, nodded, and put the statue back down. Tomorrow, he said. Tomorrow that’s going on the desk.

“Tomorrow,” Nicholas agreed. “Now how about we get you to the shower and to bed.”

SQ hummed his understanding and wandered out of the room. Number Two followed, leaving Rhonda, Milligan, and Nicholas alone. Nicholas looked at the table covered in their hard work happily. He didn’t know what laid before them for the next couple weeks of art, but he was excited to see if SQ wanted to go back after the end of the class, sign up for another course.

Rhonda hummed. “No news to report,” she said with a small, happy smile. “We could just enjoy this night together.”

Milligan breathed a quiet sigh. “I can’t help but notice how he’s growing,” Milligan mused. “Both emotionally and physically. We should probably go to get him more clothes, soon.”

“Quite right,” Nicholas agreed. “And I imagine it will be mostly if not entirely comprised of T-shirts and jeans. He only wears more formal clothing when he wants to leave a positive impression, and even then it’s usually shed if one of us deems it unnecessary.”

“I remember what he came in wearing,” Rhonda sighed. “A button up-shirt and dress slacks. He looked…so different. In so many ways. But when you said he was eleven, I couldn’t believe you. I thought that the only way he would dress that way if he was eleven was if he was required to, and yes, he went to a boarding school, but if he was running away, surely I thought, he might wear some clothes that did not meet the requirement of the classes he would be in. Surely, he would have something more comfortable, or something warmer, or something he just…liked to wear…” she shook her head angrily. “And he didn’t have that. He had this expectation that we would want that of him too. I can’t believe that he would be so willing to put aside what he wanted in favor of what he perceived we wanted.”

“I can,” Nicholas sighed.

“I can as well, but I don’t wish to,” Milligan said.

Rhonda pondered a moment. “All right, I can see it too, but I don’t want to,” she said with a world-weary sigh. “His father would want to present the picture-perfect son. A carbon copy, or close as he could get to it.”

“Yes, it appears since his actual carbon copy ran off on him, he settled for second best,” Nicholas said, a twinge in his chest.

“It’s not your fault,” Milligan said.

“Like hell—“

“—It’s not,” Rhonda joined in. “He should have processed that hurt in a way that hurt no one else. It’s not your fault he took it so terribly.”

“Isn’t it?” he asked.

“It’s not,” Rhonda insisted. “You’re not part of the problem, you’re part of the solution. You moved forward, you helped us, you helped SQ. That’s not something you should be taking lightly, sir.”

Nicholas sighed. “I don’t take helping you all lightly,” he said. “I just wish I didn’t have to be part of the problem, as well as the solution.”

“In which aspect do you view yourself as the problem?” Rhonda asked. “Because we should fix that.”

“I agree,” Milligan said, leaning back. “We should have you feeling good about yourself, sir. It makes everything easier when you’re not beating yourself up for perceiving—falsely—that you are part of the problem.”

Nicholas felt another spike of guilt at the use of the term “easier.” Was he really so difficult to be around that his coworkers—his friends—his family—found him too much sometimes? How much was sometimes, anyway?

“You should have chosen a different word,” Rhonda sighed to Milligan.

“…I see that now,” he said, no inflection in his voice, and Nicholas resisted the urge to growl. He was not going to be his brother, he wasn’t going to lash out, he needed to process and let go.

The anger swirled in his stomach, and he took a deep breath, letting it fill his entire chest. Then, he let it out slowly, but not without a little noise, not quite a snarl, but a guttural thing that had both Rhonda and Milligan staring at him like he was a bomb. “I’m fine,” he sighed. “Trying to get my anger out quietly.”

“Better than screaming this late at night, agreed,” Rhonda said.

Nicholas grunted his assent. “I really…really wish this were easy, Milligan, make no mistake, but…” his fists clenched and unclenched, “I cannot control my feelings, as you are so eager to point out. My brother—he clearly did a number on SQ, but what might not be so clear is what he did to me as well—“

“—No no, it was obvious,” Milligan replied, “But I thought it was a result of the orphanage system or perhaps your adoptive parents, not your brother who I didn’t know about, who had done it.”

“…Thank you,” Nicholas bit, “Once again, for reminding me that I’m deeply traumatized and that it’s blatant to everyone I meet.”

Milligan appraised Nicholas. “I realize I may have been too blunt.” Nicholas bit back the urge to spit the phrase No shit in Milligan’s face, instead waiting to see what Milligan would say next, which was, predictably, “Apologies.”

Nicholas grumbled and rested his head on the table. “God, I hate Nathaniel. To think I had ever wanted to reunite with him when we were adults…” he shook his head, forehead still smooshed on the table. “No. No, I can’t believe he would do something so cruel to someone he loved.”

“Implying, of course…” Rhonda said carefully, “That he didn’t love his son. Or you.”

Nicholas blinked, sitting upright. “What?”

“He did exactly what he did to you, to SQ as well,” Rhonda said. “Those actions that you claim are not from love are the same to him as to you. Maybe he does care about the two of you, if not in love than in possession, but I agree: he didn’t care about SQ in the way fathers generally do, nor did he care about you in the way brothers generally do.”

Nicholas sighed, considered. He was so eager to push away Rhonda’s interpretation as wrong, as misconstrued…but why? Why was he so eager to attribute controlling and abusive behaviors from his brother to SQ, but not to himself? “I’m not a victim,” Nicholas muttered sullenly.

“No, I agree,” Rhonda said. “You may have been hurt, but you survived. You pushed through best you could and forged yourself a home away from the abuse. So has SQ. But surviving abuse does not mean it did not hurt; just as claiming someone loves you doesn’t mean they can’t go about that love in the wrong way.”

Nicholas knew that. He knew that, and yet it didn’t make it sting any less. The fact that his brother…his own brother, his family…had abused him. The word felt ugly and darkened, bloody red, and he felt like it left a hole in his chest where his heart was supposed to be. He took a breath. Then another.

Then he started to cry.

“Oh. Oh dear,” Rhonda said.

“He’s processing,” Milligan said, putting a hand on her arm. “He needed to hear that, now let him process.”

Nicholas couldn’t do much else. He could bring his entire worldview—or at least the parts that formed thanks to Nathaniel—into question. And he was suddenly realizing exactly how terrified SQ must have been when Nicholas broached this subject the first time. Because this…this fear, this instinctual reaction to run away and shut out the bad thoughts and the questions was all-consuming and godawful. He started to shake, tears running down his face faster than his shaky breathing.

The next thing he knew, he was in Rhonda’s embrace, not quite on the floor but dangerously close. He slurred something incoherent, something along the lines of “What happened?” but not quite getting the words to comprehensible levels, even to his own skilled ears.

Is he up? That was SQ.

“He’s getting there again,” Milligan said. “So don’t worry, kid, you can go to bed if you need to. He’ll be here tomorrow.”

Nicholas clumsily moved his head around and weakly smiled at SQ. “H’llo,” he murmured, vowels feeling incredibly difficult, but somewhat manageable. “Did I st’rtle you?”

SQ shuffled in. A little, he admitted. I thought I heard you crying.

“Mm…I was,” Nicholas said, trying to squirm out of Rhonda’s grip as she guided him to the floor. “Just was talking about a few things with Rhonda and Milligan and got a bit emotional.”

What things? SQ asked. Was it about me?

“Not you,” Nicholas reassured. “About our mutual problematic family member. What he’s done to both of us. And it hurts, but it was necessary, I think.”

Yeah? SQ asked.

“Yeah,” Nicholas breathed. “Putting some things into perspective. About my reactions, my worldview, my emotions. You know. Typical ‘I’ll never be the same’ sort of musings.”

SQ giggled, just a little. You look better, he noted. I’ll go to bed, but can we play chess again tomorrow morning?

“Of course,” Nicholas replied. “There is nothing I’d love more.”

SQ trilled, hugged Nicholas, and wandered off to bed.

Nicholas groaned and leaned backwards, into Rhonda’s calves. “I don’t think I was ready for that,” he griped. “Yes, it was necessary, but I was not ready.”

“Would you ever have been?” Milligan asked.

“…No,” Nicholas admitted. “No, I don’t think so. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell.”

“I know,” Milligan said.

“Sorry,” Rhonda added.

“Don’t apologize,” Nicholas said, taking her hand and standing up slowly. “It was a sorely-needed wake-up call, and I don’t blame you any. Just because it hurts, doesn’t mean it’s not true. And I’ll do my best to take what you said into account. There’s no guarantee I’ll internalize it, especially not this early…but I can try.”

“I have no doubt you’ll succeed…eventually,” Rhonda lightly teased.

Nicholas sighed a soft laugh, and Milligan gently herded both of them to their bedrooms in short order, with the instructions to “Save the laughter for tomorrow, when SQ feels like he doesn’t need to sneak around to get answers.” That, of course, garnered a squeak and rushed footsteps back to SQ’s room, but Nicholas just sighed and called a soft promise to talk more in the morning, and to collect on that chess game.

Milligan agreed to let Number Two take the night watch, and with everyone sorted until the morning, Nicholas went to bed. He didn’t exactly sleep, but he thought about what Rhonda had said, what Nathaniel had done, how much of himself he saw in SQ’s behaviors, and how Nicholas had no doubt that SQ had been abused, so who’s to say that Nicholas wasn’t?

He took all of this in, staring at his ceiling, before eventually closing his eyes, with only a silent, half-coherent prayer that his nightmares wouldn’t include the Old Hag, and that she wouldn’t turn into Nathaniel.

Chapter Text

Nicholas was quite content, or as content as he ever could be while out shopping. The easy listening music on the radio made his stomach churn, he was subconsciously worried, a fact that was only made worse when considering that SQ was next to him, in broad daylight, while he was still technically running from his father. SQ, for his part, also seemed mildly uneasy at the same time as he was relieved to be outside the house.

Both of them seemed to be in equal parts relieved and anxious to be out and about. Milligan was trailing behind them, giving them space.

They were looking around the department store, SQ looking around curiously at the shirts, and any that he lingered on, Nicholas pulled out holding up to SQ to inspect. He was rapidly growing into needing a size medium shirt in the men’s section, which Nicholas was somewhat shocked about. True, the last time they went shopping they barely scraped by the children’s upper limit and did some of the men’s smalls, but Nicholas discreetly took a look at the jeans SQ was wearing and realized, somewhat belatedly, that they looked like capris at this point, and that his shirt was fitting a little tighter in the shoulders than what Nicholas would consider comfortable. SQ was growing, not quite at a rapid rate, but certainly a sign that puberty had hit him like a freighter and was unlikely to slow down soon.

They were approaching the edge of the men’s section, Nicholas talking to SQ and seeing what inseam size would fit him best, and trying to determine what kind of jeans and casual pants SQ would be interested in for the upcoming months, and SQ seemed distracted. He glanced around, before staring distantly across the way towards the perfume section. Nicholas looked over at SQ, and gently nudged him. “Are you all right?” he asked softly. “I know that all the costumes and Halloween decor was somewhat a shock, my dear. If you need us to come back at a later date, we can.”

SQ hummed noncommittally. I’m fine, he replied. Just thought I heard someone familiar.

Nicholas nodded. “It is rather full of people around here, I wouldn’t be shocked to hear someone’s voice sound similar to someone you used to know.”

SQ agreed with a nod, but he still appeared distracted. He dutifully let Nicholas measure some pants at his waist, before looking over at the perfume section and freezing. Nicholas looked over. There was no one with two watches, not that he could see. He himself was still concealed by the jeans rack, so he couldn’t get a good look at anyone. But SQ held a hand behind his back, silently pleading with Nicholas to stay put. Nicholas heard a clomp of a boot approaching, and SQ took a step back. Another clomp, another step. And then, SQ heel-turned and sprinted through the clothes racks. Nicholas was stunned at how fast SQ moved, and before he could react more than a second, Milligan was tearing off to follow SQ. And then, not even a second later, a flash of grey trenchcoat flapping behind a quickly moving female form. Nicholas peered over the jean rack to see if there was a second Recruiter, who he found to be a man with slicked back black hair, and he was speaking in harsh tones to a woman with cropped ginger hair, and holding her arm tightly. He strained his ears to hear what was being said over the commotion of people, and barely managed to catch, “Flemming will get him. She’s the fastest of all of us. You can’t escape, and neither will he.”

Nicholas was torn. He wanted to help this woman, but, knowing that the man worked for his brother, his cover would be blown in an instant. Judging by the sheer level of panicked hatred in the woman’s eyes, she could hold her own, and he was most likely correct in his suspicion that she was the one SQ saw, as she wasn’t wearing watches on either of her wrists. The only piece of jewelry on her that he saw, in fact, was a thin gold chain around her neck. Nicholas crept closer to listen to the conversation making sure to stay out of sight. “We’ll have to have your perfume delivered in the future, if you run,” the man said with a bit of malicious glee. “Your time of coming off the island will be over, Doctor, and we all know you don’t want that.”

“The island gets dull after a time, there’s only so many places I can go to hide from our boss when he’s in a mood. You have to understand, surely. I know you get restless when you’re not looking to recruit anyone to the school.” She tried to wrench her arm free. “I’m not going to run. Don’t hold onto me so tightly, it hurts.”

A worker walked up to the two and the man’s hand dropped. The woman rubbed her forearm gently. She looked away from the man who was now speaking with the retail worker, and blanched as she looked in Nicholas’ direction. He assumed that his hiding place behind the coats wasn’t nearly as convincing as he suspected. She glanced between him and the Recruiter next to her, and she mouthed something to Nicholas. Nicholas was by no means an expert lip reader, but he knew when to tell that someone wanted him to run.

And, with a gut swirling with regret, he turned away from the coat racks, and ran.

He followed in SQ’s wake for a time, watching the slight cleared area of people that were skirting around an overturned stand of belts, walked into the ladies’ section to find a myriad of things thrown on the floor (perhaps trying to trip someone up?) when he thought no one would notice him. But when they approached the front of the store, the Halloween decorations, Nicholas’ stomach churned fiercely. The trail went cold, and at any time the Recruiter could have caught up to SQ and dragged him away, out of Nicholas’ reach. At the same time, he couldn’t call out for his nephew for fear of being caught himself.

Oh, how he hated Halloween in that moment.

Every time a light flashed or some form of yard prop popped up or worse, a child screamed, Nicholas’ head would whip around. Never, did he see SQ.

Then, the intercom crackled on, cutting out the easy-listening music. “Would Sven Benedict’s father come to the help desk, please?” A murmur. “Sorry, uncle. Would his uncle come to the help desk? That’s Sven Benedict’s uncle to the help desk, thank you!”

Nicholas had never sprinted through a department store for anything, but he most certainly sprinted in that moment. The second he skidded into view of the help desk, SQ was pointing at him, and the retail worker, who looked like the manager, nodded to him. SQ met Nicholas in the middle in a bone-crushing hug. “Oh, thank goodness, thank goodness,” Nicholas murmured over and over.

SQ squeezed just a smidgen tighter.

The manager walked over. “A happy reunion,” she said drily. “I saw a woman chasing your nephew down, sir. Had security pull her aside and took him here to explain what was going on. He said…what was it again?”

“She thought I was the son of some criminal mastermind or something,” SQ said, inflection perfectly confused, albeit with his voice exceptionally soft. “Probably one of her exes. She didn’t look like a police officer at any rate.”

“Yes, that was it,” the manager said. “There was another man who was chasing after the woman, who was much more agreeable to being held by security.”

“Ah! That man would be one of mine!” Nicholas chirped. “We got separated in the store when he noticed Sven had gone missing. I’m afraid I was a bit too absorbed in finding his size to realize he hadn’t caught up.”

“In your defense,” SQ said, “She wasn’t screaming at me, just very, very insistent I go with her. Leverage against the evil mastermind, or something.”

Nicholas chirped a startled laugh, having known the full story, and the thought of SQ being used for leverage against his brother seemed…well, laughable knowing how he had treated his son in the past.

“Sorry,” SQ said with a sheepish grin.

“You, dear, have nothing to be sorry for,” Nicholas laughed, giving SQ one last squeeze before breaking apart. He turned toward the manager. “Thank you so much, ma’am.”

“Of course,” the manager said. “You said the gentleman with the beard was with you?”

“That’s correct,” Nicholas said. “Is he in any trouble?”

“No,” the manager said. “Not unless you’re the one pressing charges. He didn’t run into anyone or knock anything over. From what I understand, the woman running after him was making quite a mess trying to trip your nephew up. And we will most certainly be banning her from the store.”

Nicholas subtly winced, wondering how that would affect the woman he saw at the perfume section. SQ gave him a confused look, but didn’t ask about it yet.

“I assume you would like to speak to the man?” the manager asked.

“Yes, please,” Nicholas replied.

They were led to a backroom, where there was Milligan, and a security guard, but the woman was conspicuously missing. “Where did she go?!” the manager asked incredulously.

Milligan sighed. “She fought against the security guard and refused to sit down. She went into the bathroom and has yet to come out. Does it have a window, by any chance?”

The manager took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. She sighed. “Yes, it does. Charles, you’re not supposed to let them use the restroom!”

“She said she was on her period and needed to replace a tampon, I wasn’t about to stop her!” Charles sputtered.

The manager used a key to unlock the door, and sure enough, the window was broken and the woman was nowhere to be found. “Great,” the manager sighed. “We need to put in an order for that to be fixed ASAP. The man is fine, he was trying to protect the kid, you can let him out.”

The security guard did so, and asked, “What about the woman?”

“We have security footage of her, she’s banned from the store,” the manager said. “You three are free to go. Sorry about the confusion.”

“Not your fault,” Nicholas said with a smile, and they walked back to the front of the store.

When Nicholas looked at SQ, he was relieved to see he didn’t appear outwardly like he was going to explode or implode. At least, not right now. “Milligan, can you gather and purchase the clothes we left in the men’s section for SQ?”

“You’d rather return to the car?” Milligan asked knowingly.

“They tend to travel in pairs, yes?” Nicholas replied.

“Go quickly, and stay hidden if you see them,” Milligan replied. “Was my guess on his inseam correct?”

“Thirty inches,” Nicholas said. “I have no doubt it will be at least thirty two by the end of the winter.”

Milligan’s lips twitched up and he nodded, waving them away.

Nicholas walked with SQ to the car, and he fiddled with his necklace. The one thing I’m glad about, he said, Is that for however fast Ms. Flemming is, she was also a terrible shot.

Nicholas cackled and leaned on SQ as they both stumbled in the parking lot. “I suppose that would help aid your escape,” Nicholas said lightly.

They got in the car and Nicholas leaned in the backseat while SQ leaned on him. Nicholas was thankful for the grounding, present reminder that SQ was here, and safe.

SQ started to shake about ten minutes after they sat in the car. Nicholas was expecting it, and was honestly surprised it had taken this long. “It’s okay,” Nicholas soothed. “I promise. It’s okay.”

But the shaking didn’t decrease. Nicholas was honestly merely glad that SQ’s shaking didn’t increase at Nicholas’ voice. “Can you explain who that woman was? Who you saw? I heard the man she was with call her a doctor?”

SQ fumbled with his necklace, having to hold it in two trembling hands to manage hitting the buttons. That was Doctor Garrison. She worked with Dad.

“I see,” Nicholas said. “And I take it, by the Recruiters’ presence, that she is likely still working with him?”

SQ nodded.

“She saw me,” Nicholas said idly. “She spotted me and while she was shocked, she didn’t tell the man she was with. She told me to run.” He hummed, pondering. “I wonder if she has more of a conscience in all of this than my brother does.”

SQ shrugged. She wasn’t the most caring person in the world. But she was always cordial with me. Her words. Not mine. But I agreed once I looked up the word. She always made the effort to be cordial with me, when she had no idea what to do with me or anyone else who was below the age of nineteen at least.

Nicholas hummed again, rocking gently into SQ’s shoulder and away again, side to side, and slowly, SQ’s shaking faded into rocking, forward and back, with his posture hunched inward in a way that looked painful, but even so it was more relaxed than before. Nicholas continued to rock alongside him, humming David Bowie for a lack of anything else to respond with. “It’s good to know that even bad people will have lines they won’t cross,” Nicholas said eventually. “That people who do bad things, because I don’t necessarily believe in the idea that someone is doomed to be a ‘bad person,’ that they have consciences. Things they won’t do. They have limits. And yes, their limits might be vastly different to yours or mine, but…they exist. They are there. And I think that’s rather important to acknowledge.”

SQ hummed his agreement. She wasn’t a bad person. She was just a bit lost as to dealing with kids. I could tell she didn’t always agree with Dad. I mean. I say she didn’t always agree, and I mean more that she hated virtually everything he ordered her to do when they were in the same room. There was never shouting, and they thought I was too busy drawing to pay attention, but even I could tell when the room dropped about twenty degrees because of their frigidity towards each other.

“Indeed?” Nicholas asked. He wasn’t sure if he was fascinated or horrified by SQ’s insight. It could very well be both. “She might have seen you were happy,” Nicholas said, capturing SQ’s attention. “You were in the open a couple minutes before you thought you heard her, and you were smiling and happy. I wonder if she noticed that difference. If she recognized you were better off.”

It was when I made eye-contact with her that she stiffened and the Recruiters noticed, SQ agreed. But I know for a fact I froze when I realized it was her. If she knew I was happy, and tried to ignore me…that might have been the kindest thing she’s ever done for me.

Nicholas nodded. “If that is what happened, then we certainly owe her a thank you. Unfortunately, I fear we might never get to give it to her.”

SQ sighed through his nose.

Milligan exited the store, shopping bags in hand and he tossed them into the shotgun seat, before getting in the car and saying, “I assume we’re going straight home?”

Nicholas nodded. “Even if those three were the only people surrounding the area that SQ recognized, which I doubt, I still don’t think the emotional turmoil is worth going grocery shopping today.”

Milligan nodded and did the long way home, complete with a stop outside a couple of different houses wherein he got out of the car and fiddled with their supplies in the trunk. SQ seemed zoned out for most of it, eyes distant and contemplative, which Nicholas supposed was better than distant and vacant—he really didn’t need the poor boy dissociating on top of everything else going on today.

Who’s to say the flashbacks won’t cause dissociation, though? his mind helpfully added. He shooed the thought away. SQ was here, and if not entirely present, he could be grounded with a few questions if Nicholas noted that he was growing increasingly stressed.

As they approached their final destination, and SQ was playing with his fingers in his lap, but seemed fully aware of his surroundings, Milligan asked, “What did you mean by three? I only saw two Recruiters.”

“They were guarding a woman who was in the perfume section,” Nicholas said. “They called her a Doctor of some kind, I assumed she works with my brother, but SQ confirmed she was the one he saw before he bolted.”

Milligan hummed his understanding. “Did she see you?” he asked.

Nicholas hesitated. “She did,” he admitted. “But she kept quiet about it, at least while I was there. No one was sent after me, and you’ve shaken any tails we might have gathered. Whether or not she reports this back to my brother, I don’t know.”

I doubt it, SQ chipped in. If she were going to tell him, she would have called him about you and me then and there. I know she’d mention she saw someone who looked like me and the Recruiters gave chase to investigate, and that they lost me. She has to mention that. But she has a cell phone, and if she didn’t use it, she won’t give away where I’m living. Or who I’m living with.

“For everyone’s sake, I hope you’re right,” Milligan said. “We have plans in place if you’re wrong, of course, but I truly hope you’re right. It’s not every day that I get my faith in humanity restored, and I would very much like to see it before it crumbles to dust entirely.”

SQ snorted, but sighed. I suppose it’s my fault that it’s been shaken so often recently.

“Not your fault. Your father’s,” Milligan said, getting out of the car.

SQ and Nicholas followed. Same difference, SQ said.

Nicholas froze in place. He had heard that one before. Taking the blame for something Nathaniel had done, or both of them being punished because of something one of them did and the teachers not bothering to figure out if Nathaniel had intentionally mussed up his hair before the act or if Nicholas had done something to royally piss the other kid off, in a rare fit of self-righteous justice, or else a meltdown. “It’s not the same difference,” the words came out of his mouth before he even processed his saying them. “If something happened because of your father, SQ, you are no more to blame than I am. And I thought you wanted me to stop blaming myself for things that are, in your mind, out of my control?”

SQ peered up at Nicholas angrily. Stop applying logic to my offhand comments.

“If I did, I would be letting you wallow in misery for god knows how long, and I don’t want to see you suffer,” Nicholas replied. “So unfortunately I will have to decline.”

SQ huffed, crossing his arms and scowling. I wish I didn’t see her today. I wish she hadn’t come out to get her perfume, today of all days. He shook his head. It’s inconvenient and it makes me angry.

“If she’s being kind, though, why would it make you angry?” Nicholas asked.

Better than being scared, SQ said with a shrug. And I’m tired of being scared of Dad’s wrath.

“Still, I don’t imagine that being angry at your father would help very much. I imagine it would only add fuel to the fire.

I know, SQ said, another sigh leaving him. But I need to feel something. And I’m tired of that something being fear.

“Fair enough,” Nicholas said. “But perhaps we can move away from this topic altogether and prompt emotions that aren’t related to family struggles at this point in time?”

SQ looked over at Nicholas curiously. Like what? he asked.

“Well, let’s see what clothes still fit you and what you’d like to keep versus what you’d like to donate out of your current wardrobe,” Nicholas offered. “Then we can fit your new clothes in and incorporate new outfits for you to try. I know Rhonda would love to give you her input on what clothes fit best with which plans you have on any given day.”

SQ smiled. I love when she gets excited about clothes.

“She is quite the impressive encyclopedia on it,” Nicholas agreed. “It’s a good thing Number Two is also an expert seamstress, because that means Rhonda can get more exact disguises that she needs.”

SQ laughed a little. Do you think at some point she’d ever want to make clothes for me?

“I don’t see why not,” Nicholas said with a shrug. “She’s taken to making myself clothes when what I wear cannot be mended. And while Milligan prefers thrifting, he will also go to Number Two for mending or repairs, and he’ll go to Rhonda for help with disguises.”

“That’s true,” Milligan said. “I’m used to disguises that rely on my build to distract but if I need something more subtle, I always go to Rhonda. She’s the expert.”

She really is, SQ agreed with a sage nod. I like the shirts with puns on them, and my jeans, but if I ever needed something specific that I could eaither buy from the store or Number Two could make me…I’d want something made for me, specifically. I like the thought of her making things with me in mind. That she cares enough to do that.

“I know Number Two most definitely cares about you that much,” Nicholas said. “I also know she’s had a couple ideas for dress shirts for you but didn’t want to force you into wearing anything uncomfortable, because she knows how much your father would want to control every aspect of your life, and doesn’t want to force you into dress clothes if you prefer dressing down.”

SQ shrugged. There’s a time and a place for every sort of clothing, he reasoned. I wear a lot of stuff to dress down because it’s comfortable, and I don’t mind getting paint on those clothes. But if I had the option, there would be days I’d wear dress clothes just because I feel like it, or because I want to change things up. Impressing people aside, sometimes it’s just fun to mess with clothes I own.

“I’ll be sure to pass that message along then,” Nicholas said, as he ushered both SQ and Milligan inside.

Milligan took a cursory look around the neighborhood before they closed the door and he subtly shook his head. No one was outside that he could see. Nicholas was relieved. Even the couple who had moved in with the grey coveralls, the ones they had slowly started to get to know from other neighbors and who seemed just a little bit odd, much like the Benedict household themselves, hadn’t been outside. True, if they were Recruiters playing the part they could have been getting a call from their fellow coworkers about what was going on, but even so, that meant they didn’t see SQ, or Nicholas, or Milligan. At the moment, they were safe.

Nicholas knew that it would be hard to convince SQ to leave the house after this, however. He didn’t know how long it would take before he needed to feel safe leaving beyond the fence again, and he knew he would still go to pottery, even if he was a nervous wreck. He just hoped that nothing would happen while they were out there that would force SQ to be scared to leave his home again.

For all of their sakes, he wanted SQ to thrive.

Chapter Text

Nicholas was worried about SQ.

What else was new, right?

Well, the flushed skin, and vague sheen of sweat on his brow were most certainly new. As was the occasional sniffle that SQ tried to disguise, and the tissues had gone conspicuously missing. Nicholas knew that SQ was feeling under the weather. He was hoping that the boy would rest, take it easy on himself, and let himself sleep most of it off. He knew Nathaniel would never allow such a thing, however, so he only held out the tiniest shred of hope that SQ would, indeed, rest.

He knew it was wishful thinking, but when SQ flopped into the study as Nicholas was working and the boy stared blankly at the bookshelves for a solid twenty seconds, Nicholas was more concerned than he had been when SQ took twice the normal time he did when he ate breakfast. “My dear?” Nicholas prompted quietly. “Is everything all right?”

SQ finally looked over at him with a wince, and clicked out Fine, on his necklace.

Nicholas squinted and tilted his head. He didn’t want to come across as doubting SQ’s ability to gauge how he felt, but he knew SQ was lying, and there had to be a line in there somewhere that did not involve hurting SQ but still allowed for the truth.

SQ cleared his throat uncomfortably and looked away with a grimace, and Nicholas was reminded that Nathaniel probably did the exact same thinking and skeptical expression Nicholas had just pulled. “I’m not saying you can’t tell how you feel, my dear,” Nicholas sighed.

You think I’m lying, SQ responded with a flat expression.

“I feel like know would be a better word, would you not agree?” Nicholas asked. “I mean…you certainly don’t look fine, and I can’t claim what you feel, but if you feel half as bad as you look, you must be very sick indeed.”

SQ grimaced harder. I’m fine, I can still do stuff, he said. I’m not bedridden.

Nicholas blinked. His fingers clenched and unclenched, and he ran his thumbs over the pads of his other fingers. “Be that as it may,” Nicholas said, “You shouldn’t have to push yourself if you feel ill, my dear. And I, for one, would not judge you if you went back to bed and rested for the foreseeable future.”

SQ shook his head, looking slightly dizzy for it. Well, I would judge me, he replied. It’s not a sign of weakness, or something, but it is…it's a failure to make the most out of the day.

Nicholas squinted. “You’re parroting him again.”

You work when you’re sick! SQ said with an exasperated expression.

“Yes, and I do believe you have heard Number Two rant about how I’m not supposed to do that,” Nicholas retorted. “SQ, no one in this house would judge you for taking even a tiny nap just to regroup when you’re well, never mind when you’re sick. All we want is for you to feel safe and healthy. Reasonably speaking. But in the event you’re sick, we want you to rest. That’s how you get better faster.”

SQ’s face was pinched up in irritation. Uncle Nicholas, I’m fine, I swear! he insisted. You don’t have to worry about me!

“I’m your uncle and we both have PTSD, worrying about you is sort of what I do,” Nicholas sighed. “I will never not worry about you for as long as I live. I choose to worry about you, because I love you. Even if you don’t want me to, I will to some extent. Because I want you to be happy.”

What if I’m happier knowing you’re not worrying about me? SQ challenged, before coughing sharply and Nicholas winced in sympathy.

“I don’t think that’s true, my dear,” Nicholas said carefully. “I think that after having someone not worry about you for so long, you’re unaccustomed to it—but everyone I know has some level of desire to have someone else care about them. In whatever form that takes, whoever that is, however they show it—everyone needs some sort of connection.”

SQ looked highly irritated in an instant. In fact, Nicholas was fairly certain they were tearing past irritated and straight into pissed territory. SQ stood sharply, and Nicholas barely had an instinctual gut feeling that he responded to in an instant, rushing forward as SQ’s eyes rolled back in his head and he fainted, Nicholas narrowly catching him before he bashed his brains out on a table. “Ah, fuck,” Nicholas whispered.

He lowered himself onto the couch and maneuvered SQ’s legs so he was lying down on the extra couch space with his head in Nicholas’ lap, and Nicholas gently carded his fingers through his nephew’s hair, hoping that the sensation would be soothing rather than unwelcome as SQ came to.

The boy’s eyelids fluttered shortly thereafter and he let out a weak moan. His hands sluggishly reached around for his necklace as his eyebrows furrowed, and he opened unfocused eyes as he looked up at Nicholas. I don’t want you to worry about me, he managed to click out with some difficulty.

Nicholas almost laughed at SQ’s first thought being to continue their argument. Almost. “Worrying doesn’t mean I’m in constant anxiety about you for the rest of time, SQ,” Nicholas reasoned. “Worry can be another word for care, or love—I know you don’t always respond positively to any of those, because you wonder why your father couldn’t show those emotions when I can, but…when I say I worry about you because I want you to be happy, that means I want to be a presence in your life, one encouraging you forward and one that takes happiness from seeing you happy. It’s not an emotional toll, my dear. You don’t owe me anything for something that is as natural to me as breathing. Just work towards being happy yourself when you are capable of it, and that will be enough to make me overjoyed.”

SQ looked contemplative, brows furrowed in deep thought in response to that. I guess I kinda get it, he allowed. It’s worry the way I worry about dinner, it’s there but it’s not prominent unless something spurs it on. It’s not the way I worry about you.

Nicholas felt slight nausea and guilt creep up on him. “You worry about me in a way that drains you?”

SQ shrugged. When you start to mask, or resist your little stims you don’t realize you do, yeah, he said. That means something is bothering you and your guard goes up. It doesn’t make me scared, not like it used to, but it does tell me you’re hurting, or about to be hurt, over something, and that means I worry. Because I love you, or whatever.

Nicholas tried very, very hard not to cry at that. It was from a combination of guilt, worry, and relief and he didn’t know how to respond to it. To have SQ worry about him, to have SQ love him…it was overwhelming. Too much information. His hands stopped playing with SQ’s hair absentmindedly. He leaned back into the couch to absorb this information. “You know, SQ,” he said as he realized SQ was tensing up, “I don’t know if you’ve ever had quite that sort of declaration of love to me until just now.”

SQ stopped tensing, and blinked. So you’re processing? Not upset?

“Indeed,” Nicholas confirmed. “Processing is a good word for that.”

SQ nodded, but looked vaguely green immediately after. He turned on his side and buried his head in Nicholas’ abdomen. Still feel sick though, he admitted, shoulders tense and almost flinching at every click. I’m not as fine as I thought I was.

“Fainting will give you quite a bit of perspective on your health,” Nicholas said drily. “Do you want to go back to your room to rest?”

No, SQ said.

Nicholas frowned. “No?” he asked.

I want to rest here, SQ elaborated. I want to rest with you.

“Oh,” Nicholas breathed softly. He went back to playing with SQ’s hair, even as he felt about ready to cry. “I can certainly work with that.”

SQ sniffled a little, curling up tighter. You say that fainting gives you perspective on your health.

"Yes?" Nicholas prompted.

But you always insist you're fine after you do it. That worries me. Don't worry about setting a bad example or anything, because Dad messed me up enough. But why would you insist you're fine even if you know you're not?

Nicholas sighed, looking down at SQ, then up at the ceiling. "Ableism, I suppose," he said eventually. "That soft but persistent insistence that I need to be useful or work in order to be valued."

SQ scarcely breathed after that declaration. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you attribute something you do to ableism.

Nicholas frowned. “We’ve discussed ableism in the past.”

Yeah, but…with your narcolepsy, or how people might treat me because I don’t talk or because I stim. You know, things that neither of us can help. But this is a behavior you can change. And you’re saying you do it because of internalized ableism. That’s…that’s a big deal. SQ burrowed further into Nicholas after that declaration. All done words.

“Fair enough, on both counts,” Nicholas murmured. “Would you rather I ramble at you?”

SQ shook his head.

“Is sound a lot right now?” Nicholas followed up with.

A nod.

“All right, we can sit and listen to the house for a while,” Nicholas said easily.

They sat there for an eternity and no time at all. Soon enough, SQ was snoring softly and Nicholas continued to play with his hair. The poor boy was downright exhausted. Nicholas wondered how often, if at all, SQ had gotten sick back in his time on the island. Isolated as it was, he imagined there wouldn’t be much opportunity for germs to spread. But what made Nicholas really wonder, was whether or not Nathaniel actually took care of his son when he got ill. SQ seemed self-reliant to the nth degree, but Nicholas didn’t know if that was a hold-over from when he was healthy or if it was well and truly neglect.

Nicholas sighed as a myriad of bad thoughts and swears ran through his head. “My dear. Oh, I wish I could have been here for you sooner,” Nicholas whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

SQ snuffled and readjusted himself in Nicholas’ lap while asleep, before sinking deeper into Nicholas as if to say “I forgive you” or perhaps “There’s no reason to apologize.” Because Nicholas rationally knew that there was no way for him to know where Nathaniel had ended up, what he was doing, who he came into contact with. He had taken measured steps to ensure that he was never found, and did his damndest to control the entire world, and not just the world around him. (Which, controlling the island would be bad enough, considering the damage SQ endured, but the entire world? Nicholas couldn’t think of a punishment more horrid.) But that didn’t meant Nicholas wouldn’t feel guilty as hell about it.

“Nothing to be done,” Nicholas sighed, more to himself than to anyone else. “We can’t change the past. Nor can we predict the future. All that happened…it brought me here. Brought me to you. And, I don’t know about you, SQ…but despite it all, I wouldn’t change a thing, because it means I have you here.”

He got a sleepy hum in response to that, and Nicholas looked down in surprise to find SQ sleepily smiling up at him. He shakily held up the ASL sign for I love you and Nicholas returned it with a bittersweet smile. He was about to ask why SQ was awake, before he noticed the pale, sickly green in SQ’s features a split second before SQ managed to push himself up and run the five feet it took for him to get to a wastebasket, and promptly empty what little he had of his breakfast into it. “Oh. Oh dear,” Nicholas said, hurrying to his feet and helping SQ before he collapsed to the ground still holding a trashcan full of vomit. “Oh, dear, sit down, sit down!” he insisted softly.

Despite the fever and nausea, SQ looked completely lucid and aware, and Nicholas didn’t know whether it would be worse to be aware of this bug or to just have hazy remnants of several days of sickness. Either were miserable, in their own ways. But Nicholas was silently thankful SQ was aware, for his own selfish reasons of not wanting to be called by Nathaniel’s name, his title, ever again.

Even though Nicholas had a Doctorate, he never wanted to be called “Doctor,” and the first time SQ had casually mentioned that was what Nathaniel was called in the hallways as he passed only cemented that sentiment in Nicholas’ mind. He wasn’t inherently better than anyone else just because he had devoted his life to gaining more knowledge. Even the tests, eccentric as they were to gather the spies, weren’t an indicator of morality or intelligence or competence.

The tests told Nicholas whether the children were susceptible to the subliminal messaging or not, they told him if they were able to withstand the pressure that being a spy might cause, and yes, perhaps the cheating test with Rhonda was, as a test, seen as mostly ethical, but even deception had its place in the world, much as Nicholas was loathe to admit it. There were times where you had to betray trust to stay afloat. It was when you betrayed trust for your own gain (like in passing a test for an exorbitant prize), that Nicholas doubted the integrity of the child in question—not in morals, but in keeping secrets.

SQ was sitting, shivering, on the floor, pale as a ghost. He turned a rather violent green and Nicholas held the trashcan as SQ heaved again. “Oh, my dear, I’m sorry,” Nicholas murmured, smoothing SQ’s hair back as it grew disheveled, and Nicholas didn’t fail to notice how it was starting to grow slick with sweat.

Even though he looked miserable, SQ didn’t hesitate to seek comfort from Nicholas, crawling into Nicholas’ lap when it was clear he was done vomiting, and Nicholas just held SQ close, cradling him in his arms. He was desperate to give SQ all the love he was never shown as a child. Even if SQ couldn’t be cradled often, Nicholas would take the moment now and give his nephew enough touch to make SQ feel happily smothered, if that was what he needed.

SQ soon fell asleep again, and Nicholas hugged him just a smidgen closer. To be allowed that trust, that vulnerability of sleep around him…Nicholas was doing his level best to not botch this chance. He wanted to be someone SQ trusted. Yes, he had fallen asleep around Nicholas before, had done since Nicholas spent regular time in the night watching SQ before he inevitably slipped off to sleep, but…most of the time it was due to sheer exhaustion, or in the early stages of this situation, he had found Nicholas reading a book in his room reminiscent of Nathaniel burning the midnight oil close to his room. So to be known as himself, and implicitly trusted so—Nicholas cherished it.

And maybe SQ was falling asleep from sheer exhaustion now, as well, but he knew that SQ wouldn’t allow himself to feel that exhaustion were he not viewing Nicholas as safe. He wouldn’t have admitted to feeling bad if he didn’t trust Nicholas. And that truly showed the nature of their relationship.

Nicholas hummed, carefully maneuvering SQ into his arms and rising. SQ was by no means light, and Nicholas was by no means strong, but he managed to get SQ bridal style and carried him carefully back to his room. Nicholas gently placed SQ on the bed, and couldn’t help but notice as a splash of color caught his eye as he turned past SQ’s desk. It was a beautiful piece, rendered in colored pencil, of himself, Number Two, Rhonda, Milligan, and SQ all looking up at a vast sky overhead. The view was so that you could see them from overhead, the curve of a hill revealing the sky beyond them. And Nicholas was stunned by the care and detail put into the artwork. He remembered SQ and Rhonda discussing how SQ was using pages in his sketchbook to capture thumbnails, and how SQ defended himself by saying it was hard to draw perspective from overhead. But it appeared he had it mastered.

It was obvious this was what he had been working on whenever he was ranting about his latest masterpiece being so complicated with foreshortening and color theory and shading and all sorts of things that Nicholas had surface level knowledge of but didn’t really grasp beyond that. He was touched and honored…and he knew in an instant he had to pretend he had never seen it before when SQ unveiled it. There was no way that Nicholas wouldn’t be shocked to see the finished product, the sky was already gorgeous shades of indigo, blue, and purple—but he wanted his surprise to appear genuine. He didn’t want SQ to realize he had snuck a peak on accident before it was ready. SQ deserved that moment of pride when he was awake and lucid.

He left the room, closing the door with a quiet click, and turned around to find Number Two giving him a hard stare. He jumped and only narrowly avoided yelping, knowing that would surely wake SQ up. “You didn’t go looking on his desk, did you?” Number Two asked.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nicholas replied smoothly.

“He usually wouldn’t take a break at this time of day.”

“He threw up. Several times. Quite sick, if I had to hazard a guess,” Nicholas said wryly, “Just a hunch.”

Number Two sighed. “Poor thing. Do you think he’ll be able to manage lunch in an hour or two?”

“I wouldn’t ask him, he’d force himself to eat even if he wasn’t feeling ready for it,” Nicholas pointed out.

“I hate that you’re right,” Number Two sighed. “Forgive me if I’m out of line, but his father—I just—there’s a mighty need inside me to strangle him—!”

“You’re not alone, Number Two,” Nicholas said. “My brother at least needs a stern talking-to for taking over the world, but for what he did to his own son?! I would happily throttle him until he was blue in the face.”

Number Two gestured for Nicholas to follow her and he did. “I don’t understand how we grew so different,” Nicholas admitted. “We were always so close; inseparable. We were the only two people who understood each other.”

“And then you reached out to find others you connected with, and he chose to isolate and believe he was the only one who could ever understand,” Number Two said.

“Why are you phrasing that like I had no role in what he did?”

“Because you don’t,” Number Two said firmly. “If he decided he wasn’t going to connect with anyone that’s his own choice. You went out of your way to find people to connect to. You found me, and Rhonda, and…Milligan found us I suppose, but you opened your home to him anyway. Your brother doubtless had chances to make those connections and shot every last one of them down, to the point where he doubtless only connects to any adults he pays to be nice to him.”

Nicholas snorted. “He would,” he said with an amused look. “He often told me that when he grew up to be rich he would pay people to be friends with him, because no one could truly understand his genius except for me, but friends didn’t need to understand his genius, just help him when needed.”

Number Two stared at him a long moment.

“What?”

“Your brother both correctly defined what a friend was and yet completely missed the point of how you make them.” Number Two shook her head. “He’s more socially stunted than I thought.”

“He’s—“ Nicholas abruptly paused as he realized what he was about to say.

Number Two raised one single eyebrow. Pointedly.

Nicholas relented. “He’s autistic,” he finished.

“Which is not an excuse to be a dick,” Number Two replied. “You can have no concept of empathy and still have the cognitive recognition that you should be nice to people. He’s not a child any longer—he should have learned long ago that he needs to be kind.”

Nicholas shrugged. “I don’t disagree.”

“Sir,” Number Two said gently, “Have you considered, really considered, that the boy you knew when you were a child is no longer there? Yes, he behaved terribly sometimes. Yes, he loved you. Yes, you loved him. But seeing everything he’s done, everything he’s still doing—do you really think that little boy is anything more than a buried impulse?”

“If I could get him to unbury it—“

“—I think that would take far more work that you realize,” Number Two said, not unkindly, “And you don’t have that time. You don’t have the safety measures in place for what happens should he decide not to continue with that line of questioning the moment he’s uncomfortable or realizes what you’re attempting. Sir, we can’t even get you over there without you being captured, possibly to never be seen again! And we need you!” There was a loaded pause. “SQ needs you. Now more than ever. He’s never had a father, but you can still be his uncle.”

Nicholas swallowed a lump forming in his throat. “I wish that weren’t the case,” Nicholas said. “Not that I’m not overjoyed to be his uncle, but—I can’t—I just—“ Nicholas paused and took a deep breath, sensing the oncoming onslaught of emotions for what it was: a meltdown. “I don’t think I can discuss this further.”

Number Two nodded understandingly. “We can talk about other things,” she agreed.

Nicholas took a measured breath. “Any word from your family?”

Number Two sighed. “I wrote them recently, I don’t expect they’ll even get the letter right away.”

“It’s been a month since you sent it, Number Two.”

“Okay, and?” Number Two asked.

“They haven’t mailed you back,” Nicholas sighed. He scoffed. “Why anyone would be willing to throw away such an intelligent young woman such as yourself simply because you decided you needed more in your life than what you were initially given is beyond me.”

“They took away things if I had outgrown them in their eyes,” Number Two replied with a shrug. “I learned to not get too attached. I suppose in a way, I outgrew them. And they decided that they weren’t too attached to me.”

Nicholas put his hand on her shoulder, and she sighed. “Family is…complicated,” she eventually said.

“I couldn’t agree more,” Nicholas replied in earnest. “But at the very least, we have each other.”

Number Two smiled. “That’s true,” she allowed. “And if we have each other, we’re never truly alone.”

Nicholas nodded. “Now, it’s a little cloudy but I don’t believe it’s rained quite yet. Should we check on the garden while SQ rests?”

“Sounds like a wonderful plan,” Number Two agreed. “Maybe, if we’re lucky, we can get eyes on some of our neighbors in the area.”

“The gray ones?” Nicholas asked knowingly. “I thought we were leaving Rhonda and Milligan to those.”

“No reason we can’t be visiting if they ask,” Number Two said with a shrug.

“And if they don’t?” Nicholas asked. Dread pooled in his stomach.

“Well then I imagine we have a threat on our hands, and will relocate. Not an issue.”

Nicholas squawked as they exited the house. Number Two just smirked. “Honestly, I’ve seen them a couple times since, and they’re always wearing lighter, less bright colors, but still very colorful clothes. The woman loves pastels and the gentleman prefers muted pallets, but neither of them wear outright gray.”

Nicholas hummed. “Hopefully the fear is unfounded.”

“I suspect it is,” Number Two said. “At this point, they would have tried to break in if they knew we were here.”

Nicholas supposed that was true. Maybe everything was going to be all right.

Chapter Text

It was a quiet day, all things considered. Nicholas and SQ were reading in the study. Number Two and Rhonda were off doing reconnaissance work (which mostly involved vandalizing the streets surrounding the harbor and while the workers were busy cleaning up, stealing vital parts needed for the Whisperer’s signals to increase), and Milligan was working on clearing out some of the dust in the house. So Nicholas was thoroughly surprised, when without warning, SQ started crying. Nicholas didn’t even realize that was what he was doing at first; his whole body shook near-silently and only the tears starting to cloud his eyes clued Nicholas in.

Before Nicholas could even ask if SQ was all right, though, SQ started smacking the heel of his hand to his temple. “Whoa, hey!” Nicholas yelped, rushing to the couch where SQ was sitting, book in a white knuckled grip and his free hand smacking his skull repeatedly. “Hey, hey, SQ? SQ, please stop!” Nicholas pleaded. He tried to grab SQ’s arms, but was rather unsuccessful at stopping the smacking.

It was as if SQ didn’t hear him. Or maybe he did and was associating Nicholas’ voice with Nathaniel’s, because his grip on the book dropped and both hands were smacking his skull with force. “Milligan!” Nicholas hollered into the house, praying that he didn’t scare SQ too much in the process.

Milligan skidded into view of the study nary a second later, and assessed the situation in less time. He hurried over and grabbed SQ’s arms, not in a vice but not with any sort of allowance for the attack to continue. SQ struggled and writhed in Milligan’s grip, only when he was clearly not getting away did his cries become audible. He was heaving sobs, but there weren’t any actual words. Nicholas thought he might have heard a hiccuping, “No,” once or twice, but ultimately, what did that matter? SQ was hurting himself, repeatedly, and Nicholas was powerless to watch as Milligan wrestled SQ’s arms out of reach of his head.

“Shep?” Nicholas asked. “Shep, are you okay?”

SQ froze, staring at Nicholas with wide eyes. He emphatically shook his head.

“Yeah,” Nicholas sighed. “Yes, that much I fear was evident, but you weren’t responding to us. Can you explain what’s wrong?”

SQ tugged on his arms but Milligan didn’t release his grip.

“We can’t let you go quite yet, dear, we need to know you won’t resume hitting yourself first,” Nicholas said. “I was asking if you could explain without words. And if you need Morse to explain, that’s okay, but we can’t have you hitting yourself so you must calm down before we can get into that. That’s okay, to need time is okay. But the fact remains that we need you to stop hitting yourself first and foremost.”

SQ whimpered, and resumed trying to struggle out of Milligan’s grip. This time, he was showing more discomfort than outright distress.

“I’ll let your hands go, but only if you agree to not hit yourself if I do. Fair?” Milligan said.

SQ nodded.

Milligan let go and SQ curled up in a ball in the far end of the couch.

“Overstim?” Nicholas hazarded a guess.

SQ nodded into his knees. His hands started to move towards his head, before his expression grew pinched, as if reminding himself of the deal, and he curled his arms around his legs. Nicholas noticed the book SQ was reading had fallen to the floor, and he picked it up. Matilda.

Well, that explained some things. “I take it you reached an uncomfortable part in the book,” Nicholas said. “I mean, most all of it is uncomfortable, but—“

SQ nodded, fumbling for his necklace. The Chokey, he managed to make out with trembling fingers. It sounds like the Waiting Room.

Nicholas blinked. “The…Waiting Room is covered in broken glass and rusty nails?” he asked, voice void of inflection lest he let it rise to a shriek.

SQ shook his head, clarifying, It’s not physically like that. It’s more of the…the psychological torture aspect.

“Dare I ask?” Nicholas replied weakly.

I want Dad alive.

Which, Nicholas supposed, was answer enough. A psychological torture that SQ had endured, that countless children endured at the hands of his brother. “I’m going to kill him regardless,” Nicholas said, his grip on the book slipping and Milligan gently pulled Nicholas upright. “Because any room that resembles the Chokey should be burned on sight—!”

Milligan carefully laid Nicholas on the ground and said softly, “Thank you for not hitting yourself, SQ, I know that’s very difficult for you right now.”

A pause, during which Nicholas could only assume SQ nodded.

“Is there anything I can do that might help?” Milligan asked.

Make sure Uncle Nicholas doesn’t march straight to the Harbor to kill Dad, SQ said.

“He wouldn’t be that reckless,” Milligan said.

SQ snorted about the same time Nicholas managed to push himself up into sitting again, but his emotions seemed to be inaccessible at the moment. I think you’d be surprised. When they get that quiet sort of mad, all bets on either of them are off.

Milligan hummed. “I see your point,” he allowed, “Not that I agree with it much.”

Nicholas groaned, and he tried to stand only to find himself too shaky. Milligan gently guided him back to the ground. SQ was staring at Nicholas warily. “I won’t lie and say that I’m fine,” Nicholas said. “But I will tell you the truth and say I’m not going to hurt you, SQ.”

SQ nodded, however he looked reluctant to accept the information. And Dad? If you could, would you kill him?

Nicholas chewed the inside of his cheek. His instinctual reaction was to say no, he would merely have words with Nathaniel, that no one deserved to die any sort of death, horrible or otherwise. But he thought about what Nathaniel had done to SQ, to other children he was in charge of, and to Nicholas himself and found that he did rather want to commit fratricide. And while wanting was not the same as doing…“I don’t know,” Nicholas admitted. “I wouldn’t trust myself alone with him in this moment.”

And when SQ nodded again, looking appeased but slightly queasy, he slowly started to uncurl from his ball. Thanks for being honest, SQ said. I don’t like the thought any, but you’re not trying to hide it from me.

Nicholas nodded in turn. “You deserve the truth.”

The psychological warfare was tiring, SQ clicked out, looking for all the world like he wanted to talk about anything else. The Waiting Room was the worst because the older kids said it was a room full of bugs and mud and there was no light. But by the time I was sent there the first time, they had finished building it. It had a broken clock that was horribly loud, and a fish tank with a single fish in it, that I couldn’t tell if it was robotic or real. The legs in the chair they had were uneven, so if you needed to sit down you could never be fully comfortable, and the lights were glaring in yellow floor-to-ceiling. It was enough to make you curl up in a ball and cry because all your sense of time was lost and when Dad came for you, there was no way to tell if he let you sit in there for five minutes or fifty.

Nicholas took a deep breath. Opened his mouth.

And Milligan had to lay him on the ground again.

“I can’t even begin to imagine,” Milligan said softly. “I’m so sorry you went through that. And I wish I had more than condolences to give.”

SQ sniffled. It’s not okay, and it never will be. But he didn’t send me there when I found his journal, and I’m glad. If he had, I wouldn’t have found it in me to run away.

Nicholas forced himself to sit again, and merely mumbled, “I’m infinitely grateful he lacked that amount of emotional intelligence that would tell him you wouldn’t run if he forced that horrible situation upon you.”

SQ nodded, rubbing his hands on his pants aggressively. Nicholas sighed. “Does that burn?” he asked.

Palms or legs? SQ replied.

“Either.”

SQ stilled a fraction. Both. A little. He deflated. Sorry.

“You’re trying to cope,” Nicholas said. “It’s unfortunate that it happens in such a way that you hurt yourself, but it can’t always be helped.”

SQ nodded, hands twitching intermittently. He was clearly itching for something to stim with, but Nicholas didn’t know whether or not SQ would be hurt by anything Nicholas suggested. His own hands did that thing where he would flex his fingers before shaking out the tension through his wrist. SQ looked at his hands curiously, before repeating the action. He stared at his own hands a moment, before doing it once more, and his shoulders seemed to release their tension by a fraction.

Nicholas did his level best to avoid thinking about his own actions, focusing more on SQ’s response. Still, once it was pointed out what he had done, even with just a look, it became incredibly difficult to repeat the apparently meaningless action. He squeezed his hands tight enough they were trembling, before forcefully relaxing. He had to remain calm, at least a little bit. Remaining calm would help SQ calm down, and that was the most important thing to be achieved in this moment.

He flexed, shook them out, and forced himself to keep his face relatively impassive. He didn’t know how he did it, but he was infinitely glad he had, because soon enough, SQ was repeating the action, over and over and over, and his shoulders slumped into a more relaxed position as his legs covered less of his vital organs and were slowly tucked up under himself. His cheeks were tear-stained and he looked pretty miserable, but he was coping in a way that soothed him without hurting himself, and Nicholas was infinitely thankful that was the case.

When SQ’s breathing had evened out, Nicholas held the book up. “Would you like to keep reading or save this for another day?” he asked.

SQ pondered this question intently. I’d rather save it, he said. I don’t think I could read more about the Chokey today.

“Yes, I rather agree,” Nicholas said softly. “Thank you for understanding your own limits and listening to them. It’s important to listen to those, and I know it’s not always easy to.”

SQ sighed, nodding. I’m tired of pushing myself, he admitted. Dad would have wanted me to. Dad wouldn’t have let me have that sort of reaction in the first place.

“I understand that all too well,” Nicholas said, quietly tucking away his rage in the hopes that he could process it better at a later time. He took a breath. “Should we find something else to do in the meantime? Would you like to work on Algebra again?”

SQ’s eyes lit up and Nicholas felt a little giddy thrill run through him. He rather did enjoy having SQ learn about these sorts of concepts and SQ loved to hear about them, which made for an even more enjoyable experience. “What were we talking about last time?” Nicholas prompted.

Linear equations, SQ said, smiling and eyes sparkling with excitement.

“It’s an important concept to learn,” Milligan said sagely. “It can be used in all types of contexts, from physics to chemistry to biology, depending on the experiment being used.”

Nicholas tapped his nose and pointed to Milligan. “Very true,” he said. “Shall we take a look at the graphs somewhere else? The dining room, perhaps?”

“Number Two will be highly unamused if we have the graphs out at dinner,” Milligan said.

“So we’ll take care and clean up before she even gets back; what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” Nicholas waved off.

SQ giggled mischievously and Nicholas was grinning ear-to-ear. “Come on, let’s find that math textbook and graphing paper and we’ll get to work!” Nicholas declared.

They made their way around the house, picking up the various notebooks and textbooks Nicholas was teaching SQ the finer points of algebra from, and as they got settled into the dining room to work, Milligan assured them he was going back to dusting but to alert him if anything went wrong. Nicholas and SQ agreed, and then Milligan was gone.

Nicholas launched into a lengthy explanation of linear equations, the various ways they were written, and the ways that they could be applied to different scientific experiments, should SQ want to try any of them. SQ was listening with rapt attention, taking notes where needed and interjecting with thoughtful questions that brought Nicholas immense joy to know that SQ was listening.

He talked a little about how a greater than or less than sign was graphed, alongside the greater (or less) than or equal to and they experimented graphing several different kinds of each equation. SQ was absorbing the information at a rapid rate, and Nicholas found that when he let SQ use colored pencils on the graphs he was even more engaged, something which Nicholas had previously not thought possible.

As they wound down from Nicholas’ (admittedly long) infodump, SQ was working hard on coming up with his own graphs, and he tilted his head. Uncle Nicholas? he asked.

“Yes?”

What about squares? You were talking about squares and square roots the other day, can you graph those?

“You can!” Nicholas chirped, amused, “But that is called quadratics, dear boy, and you need to learn the finer points of linear graphs before you work on quadratics. That’s more freuqently discussed in the Algebra Two textbooks.”

There’s two Algebras?! SQ asked incredulously.

“It’s a lot of material to go over in a single year, so yes, it is often split into Algebra One and Algebra Two. Somewhere along the line you also have Trigonometry and Geometry, which are their own versions of complicated as well. Math is truly fascinating, you can map out the universe with it, if only you know enough. And we don’t even know all of it yet!”

SQ nodded his agreement, looking over his graph in consternation, then the function he had written alongside it, with the table of solutions. He wrote a new equation with a table underneath, and on the formula, he wrote “y=x^2” and started solving for x squared. After six solutions, he plotted the graph and drew the curve of a quadratic, looking up at Nicholas. That’s not so hard, he said.

Nicholas laughed. “Just wait until you add other aspects of quadratics into the graphs, SQ. There’s more to it than simple variables. The multiplier for x, the addition or subtraction of the total, you can have squared variables and non-squared variables to graph. It’s fascinating indeed, but also takes quite some time to master. Two years gives you a basis of knowledge to build on, but even then it’s hardly mastered by most.”

SQ nodded solemnly. I know, he said with a nod. Math can be really complicated. Fun, but complicated. You make it easy until you go off in the weeds about something you learned in college. Then you have to go back and explain the basics of why it’s funny.

“There are so many good math jokes!” Nicholas defended with a laugh.

And I need to be in at least Pre-Calculus to understand them, SQ retorted.

Nicholas made a wounded noise and placed a hand over his heart, but he was grinning. “Oh, you wound me!” he exclaimed. “You wound me, SQ, have you no remorse?”

SQ grinned, an amused huff of air leaving him as he shook his head. No remorse for being so pedantic, Uncle Nicholas, you of all people should know this. Maybe I only need to be in second algebra to know it, but that’s pedantic semantics, which are necessary for our subterfuge!

Nicholas laughed. He laughed and laughed and couldn’t stop until he was down.

SQ kept Nicholas’ head from colliding with the table, which unfortunately did not spare his chest but did leave him without a concussion, which he was thankful for.

When he could move again they decided to start cleaning up the graphing paper and leaving the textbooks out to study, but leave some room for hope that Number Two would not be serving dinner tonight over piles of graphs. SQ was particularly fascinated by the quadratic equation he had made. Uncle Nicholas, you said there’s more than just squares, right?

“Yes, there’s cubes, as well, and any number you can imagine could be used as an exponent, although after a while those numbers grow rather cumbersome. Why?”

Can you graph those too?

“With the right equation, certainly,” Nicholas said. “But we might want to make sure you understand linear equations first. Then we can move onto quadratics and beyond. I get the sense you’ll enjoy the puzzle of derivatives.”

SQ tilted his head to the side in question.

“A derivative is the rate of change on a slope at any given time,” Nicholas said with a conspiratorial grin.

SQ blinked once. Twice. “You can do that?!” he squeaked, before dissolving into a fit of coughs.

“You can!” Nicholas replied, just as astounded, but more at the fact that SQ spoke. “It’s rather fascinating, all things considered.”

Sounds it! SQ exclaimed.

“There is a lot of math that comes before that, however, SQ,” Nicholas warned. “We can touch on it as you’re learning more but to fully understand their purpose and how to solve those graphs you need quite a bit more experience yet.” SQ groaned, and Nicholas laughed. “I know, I know. It’s very frustrating for you when you want to learn right now, but I fear that some concepts just need to be learned in order.”

SQ gave Nicholas a tiny bit of a stink eye before Nicholas redirected his attention to a question about linear algebra and SQ realized he didn’t know the answer. He looked up at Nicholas in despair. I’m never going to learn about derivatives, he said sadly.

“I wouldn’t say never, dear, but I will say it might take some time to build up to that. I imagine that by the time you’re fifteen or sixteen you’ll be able to understand the basic steps and by seventeen you’d be able to master it. You absorb information so quickly, you hardly need any repeating. That’s astounding for a child of your age.” Nicholas patted SQ’s hand. “I promise we can touch on it more once you understand the basics, but we need to build up to that knowledge first.”

SQ nodded, still moping a little but returning to focus on the textbook Nicholas was using to advise SQ on the nature of graphs.

They worked non-stop for an hour, SQ just going over math problem after math problem, having fewer and fewer questions as he went on. Twenty minutes in, Nicholas offered SQ the opportunity to stop, but SQ elected to keep working. In the end, the only reason SQ stopped working was the fact that he heard the front door open and Rhonda called in, “We’re back!”

SQ’s head shot up and he looked around the table wildly, before relaxing as he realized Nicholas had the stacks of miscellaneous graph paper on his spot of the table, and it was easily moved. “As far as Number Two is concerned, SQ, we just used these as references,” Nicholas whispered conspiratorially. “But even so, we cleaned up after ourselves, and she wouldn’t be mad at a good experiment or two.”

“True,” Rhonda said as she walked in the room. Her clothes had been a plain white jumpsuit when she had left, but now she was covered head-to-toe in spray paint, mostly on her clothes but Nicholas noted that her hair was hidden in a bonnet that had also taken quite a hit.

“Did you get any paint on your hair?” Nicholas asked.

Rhonda blinked, before looking down. “Oh, I forgot I was going to change before coming in here!” She sighed. “You were whispering and I wanted to make sure SQ wasn’t having an anxiety attack.”

A little panic, but not an attack, SQ supplied.

Nicholas was stunned SQ was so candid about that fact around Rhonda, but Rhonda just nodded as if she had these discussions with SQ often. “Good,” she said. “And, to answer your question, sir,” she took off the silk bonnet and revealed her afro, only slightly pushed down from the tease she had it in earlier that day. It had not even a speck of paint on it. “No, my hair is in the clear.”

Nicholas nodded. “I’m glad. Your hair is a point of pride for you, I know. Having it clear of paint is a relief.”

“Indeed,” Rhonda agreed. “SQ, I do think your uncle and I need to have a quick chat, would you like to be present for a talk about your mental state or would you rather leave us?”

SQ considered, tilting his head to the side. I’ll stay, he said. Not because I think you’ll miss my point, but because I want to be here.

“Okay,” Rhonda said, nodding. She turned to Nicholas. “SQ happened to have a night terror a couple weeks back while I was up undoing my braids.” She glanced at SQ, who nodded. “He said he didn’t want to bother you, as it was one of the nights you were actually able to find rest at a semi-reasonable hour, and not five in the afternoon nor three in the morning. We spoke for quite a while.”

Two and a half hours, SQ said.

Rhonda nodded. “During which time, we discussed quite a bit of anxiety, panic, and how to gauge emotional responses. Something that has occurred after that talk, is that SQ will sometimes come to me when in distress, when he can’t or won’t perceive himself as bothering someone else. I make sure he knows he doesn’t have to think of it that way, but old habits die hard. So if he feels he’s been leaning on you, or Milligan, or Number Two a little more than he’s comfortable with, he comes to me. We’ve been setting up a system for who he goes to with what issues, too.”

Nicholas was surprised. “I wasn’t aware of this,” he said.

Rhonda shrugged. “He comes to you for an array of problems, especially ones that he doesn’t think he can unpack on his own just by being around any of us three,” Rhonda said. “You are his de facto comfort. But if he needs grounding, or a protective guidance, he tends to gravitate towards Milligan. If he needs a point of action, or a way to take care of himself effectively, he enlists Number Two. When he feels that overwhelming panic, a surge of emotion he doesn’t know how to control, he comes to me. When it comes to problems of his father, he has subsets of categories, and he doesn’t always know how to or want to explain those. He has formed a support network, however subtle and slow the process has been. You’ve probably noticed that he’s been clinging closer to Number Two recently.” At Nicholas’ nod, she said, “He’s been having a lot of anger surrounding his father’s actions, something that he hasn’t wished to discuss with anyone else. But as I understand it, Number Two has spoken with him at length about it.”

Did she tell you? SQ asked uncertainly.

“She said you asked her to keep most of the issues secret, but she did share what she said you had permitted her to: that you were realizing how isolated your father made you. How you realized how hard it was to relate to other children, even without your father’s interference. And that anger was something you were learning to handle, with her guidance and direction, into something productive.”

SQ nodded, apparently satisfied.

“That was all she told me,” Rhonda said. “I don’t know if you gave her more permission than that.”

I did, SQ said. There were a couple more things I said she could share. But all of the things you said she told you were okay to share.

“She also said how much she worries,” Rhonda said softly, squeezing SQ’s shoulder. “But she’s very proud of how far you have come, and she believes that you will continue to grow. So long as you remember we’re here for you, she can’t think of anything that would stop you from reaching your full potential. Regardless of where you started.”

Nicholas hummed his understanding. “Important information indeed,” he said solemnly. “Thank you for keeping me in the loop. I’m glad you have people you can go to beyond myself for support, SQ. I’m very proud of you.”

SQ’s shy grin warmed Nicholas’ heart, and with some encouragement from Rhonda as she went to change, SQ and Nicholas cleared the last of the math from the table, so they were all set for dinner by the time Number Two came looking for them.

Chapter Text

Nicholas was more than stressed when he woke up in the middle of the night. He had been in the midst of a night terror, and while he woke up to a scream, it wasn’t one from his own, raw throat.

No, that scream had come from Number Two’s room.

Nicholas sprang to his feet in alarm and rushed from his room towards her door, as did, it would seem, Rhonda and Milligan, as everyone hurried to her door. It was ajar, and she was standing, hands running through her hair as the screaming stopped but she was still vibrating in apparent anger. “Number Two, what happened?” Nicholas asked, alarmed.

“He’s…he’s…!” Number Two screeched without words and scoffed. “He’s pissing me off!”

“Who?” Nicholas asked.

Number Two growled. “That man who shares a face with you!”

Nicholas blinked. “Okay…” he said slowly. “I understand wanting to throttle Nathaniel. I often get that myself. What happened this time?”

Number Two was still seething, and Rhonda took the first cautious step towards Number Two. “Number Two, breathe, please. What happened?”

“He sent out a new message,” Number Two seethed. “I heard it.”

Nicholas blinked. “Number Two, I haven’t checked the television or radio signals a single time tonight. I was able to actually sleep.”

“Then who—?” Number Two frowned, anger melting a little in confusion. “Because I was in the study and I definitely heard someone slip into the broadcast room.”

“You didn’t see them?” Milligan asked, and the concern in his voice brought Nicholas confusion in his sleep-addled brain, until his eyes raked over the scene and noticed one face conspicuously missing.

“Shit.” Nicholas whirled around, looking frantic as if being worried enough would bring SQ into the situation.

“Shit!” Number Two exclaimed, apparently realizing a split second after Nicholas that SQ wasn’t there.

“What?” Rhonda asked, looking between the three of them. “What’s the matter?”

“I didn’t check the signals. Number Two didn’t. Milligan wasn’t set for watch until morning. Did you check the signals?” Nicholas asked her.

“No, I was asleep,” Rhonda said, stifling a yawn.

“So who does that leave to check the signals?” Nicholas pressed.

Rhonda frowned, blinking. Then, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, choosing a much stronger swear than the others. “We’re not going to find SQ tonight, are we?” she asked.

“He’s never heard me be that furious,” Number Two said, pained. “He’s seen me be angry before, sure, and we’ve screamed sometimes with physical activity to get rid of excess anger or energy, but he’s never heard me spit curses like that before, not with as much venom as I had.”

“We’re not finding him tonight, then, understood,” Rhonda said, opening her eyes and looking around at them, defeated. “There’s no way he left the house, he’s too smart for that.”

Nicholas knew that to be the truth, and was relieved that at least they could bank on that much. SQ, even when scared witless, knew not to leave the house at this point. He might not hide around the bell if he was scared of someone inside the house, but there was no way he would exit and leave his father to find him strewn on the streets. “So we’ll wait for him to calm down and show his face,” Nicholas said. “When he feels safe enough, he’ll show up and we can talk through what happened.”

“That might take a while,” Number Two breathed. “The new message wasn’t set on a specific frequency for SQ, but it did feel fairly pointed.”

Nicholas took a steeling breath. “In what way?” he asked.

“‘In your family you cannot trust, faith and belief useful as rust,’ that’s the new message,” Number Two spat. “Clearly your brother is preparing new material for a sinister purpose, and it bothered me. More than just for SQ’s sake. I know I can’t always trust my family, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hold out hope and faith that they will at least occasionally drop me a line! I know, at the very least, if not my mother, then—“ she blew out a frustrated breath. “I still have people I’m in contact with, regardless. And that message was whispered by a child who believed it so sincerely—“ Nicholas was stunned a moment, for this was the first time in months, if not years, that he had seen Number Two outright cry. She had come close to tears before, yes, but she was crying. “It wasn’t just saying things by rote. That child believed what they were saying. They had been failed.”

“And as a result, it triggered your anger,” Rhonda breathed. “Oh, Number Two, I’m so sorry.”

Number Two crossed her arms and blew out a frustrated breath. “And now I’ve gone and done the same,” she said. “I said I would find that man and strangle him. In more graphic terms. SQ must have been terrified. I came in here to compare the notes, to see if there had been anything in them that would tell me this was already said. It wasn’t. And…” she angrily swiped at her tears. “It’s not just for SQ. It’s for everyone. He’s tearing families apart, and it’s not to sew distrust in SQ, because clearly, there can’t be a way he knows where we are!”

Nicholas was struck by the memory of the woman at the mall, and he grimaced. “Oh, no,” he breathed. “Number Two, that might…not actually be true.”

She froze. “Explain.” It wasn’t quite a command, but it was most certainly an order. It would have to be followed through sooner or later.

Nicholas gave the quick run-down of the situation. “He might not know where we live,” Nicholas said. “But if this woman said she thought she saw SQ, and my brother knows my vague location…well, it doesn’t take much leaping to conclusions to connect the dots that if SQ isn’t on the streets, isn’t in an orphanage. She saw someone who looked enough like SQ for the Recruiter to take after him. And if I live in the area, regardless of if she included seeing me or not…”

“It’s safe to assume he would leap to you taking him in?” Milligan asked.

“He always had that vague paranoia about being left out of something, that I was doing something without him, or behind his back, to sabotage him,” Nicholas sighed. “Even if it wasn’t directly anything I did, he would see the potential of being adopted until parents realized there were two of us as a sabotage as well. And if I took the opportunity he was denied…I can only imagine it would have gotten worse.”

“He would assume the worst, prepare new material, and send it into circulation,” Rhonda mused. “It must take some time for the material to be memorized and then coded into his system.”

“It’s been a month, so it would still be fairly new,” Milligan mused. “It’s likely it wasn’t even aired before now, maybe recorded, but not effective in the minds of many just yet. That was probably a test run to see if the message came through.”

“Well, it worked,” Number Two said sourly. “And now we don’t know where SQ is in the house because of it.”

“Give him time,” Rhonda said. “If we don’t see him by tomorrow morning then we’ll search, but I think you need to compose yourself and process your anger a while longer, and SQ needs time to calm down from his initial panic and fear in order to work through what happened to him as well.”

Nicholas felt dread bloom in his stomach. “I’m not sure I’d be able to sleep not knowing where he is,” he admitted.

“Nor would I,” Number Two said.

“You don’t sleep much at all as is,” Nicholas pointed out.

“I’ve been meaning to get past six hours this week,” Number Two growled, frustrated. “I was going to rest in here for half an hour or so before I heard the message, and started yelling.”

Nicholas sighed. “So lack of sleep was making you a little more on edge as well,” he breathed. “Great.” For while Number Two did not need a lot of sleep, she still needed some. And this was proving to be an aggravating process all around.

There was a sudden closing of a door down the hall and all of them whipped their heads towards it. That was in the direction of SQ’s room.

“Give him time,” Rhonda insisted when Nicholas started to move towards the doorway. “Half an hour. At least. If he’s not out cold by then, we’ll talk to him. If he is, we can talk in the morning.”

Nicholas knew Rhonda was right, but that didn’t mean he wanted to listen to her advice.

“We know where he is, now,” Rhonda said. “He won’t leave the house. He will stay in his room, perhaps longer than is healthy, but he’ll stay there. Give him time.”

Reluctantly, Nicholas nodded.

Number Two sighed. “I suppose I should rest as well,” she said mechanically, sitting on her bed and putting her head in her hands.

“Mistakes happen,” Milligan said from next to Nicholas. “You didn’t put him in any more danger. You got triggered, he got triggered. It happens. Let the air clear and we’ll assess the damage when any rubble has settled.”

“Milligan’s quite right,” Nicholas conceded. “Let’s all go to bed.”

They all went back to their respective rooms, though Nicholas did catch Rhonda murmuring something outside SQ’s door. When he deals with unexpected emotions, he goes to her, Nicholas thought. He paused at the edge of the hallway, hoping he could see Rhonda being granted access to SQ’s room, but after a moment, she retreated to her own room for the night and Nicholas was forced to return to his.

He didn’t rest quite as well the rest of the night, and he was resting poorly to begin with.

The next morning, dawn was peeking through the drapes and Nicholas shuffled out of bed, heading down the hall when he heard voices from Rhonda’s room. It was Rhonda, singing something from some record or another they owned…but SQ’s low-alto-to-high-tenor was joining in as well. He paused outside the door, which was still mostly shut, and listened closely to the lyrics. Elton John’s I’m Still Standing, if Nicholas wasn’t mistaken.

He hesitated outside the door. He could knock. Make sure they were okay. Let them know he was here if they needed anything. And yet…and yet. He paused. If they had needed him, they would have come fetched him. This was a moment not to be interrupted, and who was he to get to tell them that this moment was over? He continued his way down the hall to the kitchen, getting himself breakfast and waiting for Rhonda and SQ to exit and show themselves in their own time.

In the end, it appeared to be the right move, as shortly after, Rhonda and SQ shuffled into the kitchen as well. SQ had a slightly haunted look to his eyes, and seemed like he had barely gotten even a wink of sleep. But he still tried to muster up a smile for Nicholas, and Nicholas returned it, however sad it was. “How are you feeling this morning, my dear?” he asked.

SQ shrugged. You know about last night? he asked.

Nicholas sighed. “Yes, I do. Unfortunate that both of you got triggered, I expect Number Two will apologize the instant she gets the chance.”

SQ nodded, though he seemed dissatisfied with something about that.

“Something else you have on your mind?” Nicholas asked.

SQ shrugged, going to the fridge to start his morning ritual for breakfast. He pulled out the eggs, considered them carefully. She can be real scary when she wants to be, and sometimes she doesn’t even want to be and still is. He hesitated. I know it’s mean, but I think I need some space from her for a bit.

Nicholas nodded. “It’s not mean at all, SQ, you need time to regroup. Sometimes that happens. Would you like me to pass the message along so you don’t have to worry about how that message is received?”

SQ hesitated, before nodding, eyes darting to the floor and staying there a long moment.

“I’ll talk to her. Rhonda, I trust you can keep an eye on SQ and make sure he doesn’t fall into a nasty flashback?”

“Never intended to do anything else,” Rhonda assured him, and he left the room.

He was halfway down the hall when he saw Number Two heading towards the kitchen. He held up a hand, and she stopped. “Is he okay?” she asked. “I thought I heard his voice.”

“He’s coming around,” Nicholas said. “However he expressed needing some space for the moment. I think both of us might be able to trigger him accidentally when he’s already been through a lot, so perhaps we should take breakfast in the study this morning?”

Number Two looked incredibly pained. “You’re saying ‘both of us’ for my sake, he just wanted time away from me, didn’t he?”

Nicholas sighed, “Number Two—“

“—I can’t believe I could be so stupid as to ruin what we had started to build together,” she said, running her hands through her hair. “God, what is wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you,” Nicholas said. “You got triggered, Number Two. SQ needs some time to process, as do you. If we give him that space he’ll come back to you, to us, given the right amount of time.”

“I can’t believe you,” Number Two whispered, and she was trembling throughout her whole body. “I just can’t.”

“You have food in the study already?” Nicholas asked.

Number Two gave him a weak scowl.

“We can talk more about this once we both have eaten, but I need to know we can eat in the study.”

Sighing, Number Two nodded.

Nicholas mirrored the nod. “All right then. Lead the way,” Nicholas said, gesturing for her to head back to the study.

Judging by the dirty look she gave him, he had presumed correctly that had he lead the way, she would have tried to sneak a glance at SQ. Maybe not speak to him, but see him.

Still, she lead him to the study, before flouncing dramatically onto the couch and refusing to eat any of the menagerie of snacks on the study table. Nicholas picked up some of the fruit in the bowl on the table and purposefully gave everything at least one bite so Number Two didn’t have to make fruit leather again. The texture was awful to him and he didn’t want to be subjected to eating it to be polite. When ten minutes had gone by, and Nicholas had finished a handful of grapes and a banana, he said, “You know, were I the one in your position, I would not be allowed to mope or deny myself food in the interest of self-flagellation.”

“Pointed, even moreso than usual,” Number Two said from where she was staring at the ceiling, not even giving Nicholas a glance.

“Number Two, you and I self-destruct in very similar ways. Do you mean to tell me you won’t think that SQ would notice the signs? He already blames himself for nearly everything under the sun, as do I. How much do you think he’s going to blame himself if he finds out you self-destruct today? How badly am I going to blame myself if I don’t try my damndest to make sure you at least eat?”

Number Two gave Nicholas a long, hard, unamused stare. He benignly picked up a grape and popped it into his mouth, shrugging. “Food for thought,” he said, once he swallowed.

Squinting, Number Two analyzed him. “Creepy, how you can shut off your entire body language whenever you want to,” she noted.

“Is it unnerving enough to give you a puzzle to solve?” Nicholas asked casually.

“I think I already know your brother is a bastard, sir,” Number Two replied.

“Yes, I know you know that. Now extrapolate the results of that to their natural conclusion.”

“Sir?” Number Two asked.

Nicholas shrugged again. “The self-blame and loathing having anything to do with confrontation. The constant wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I’m intentionally trying to guilt you into focusing on anything other than your trigger. What happened was unfortunate, but ultimately not your fault. My brother, on the other hand, is getting an earful and a duel to the death whenever I lay eyes on him again.”

Number Two snorted. “Only that?” she asked.

“Believe me, were I to not kill him I would be far more inhumane,” Nicholas replied, plucking another grape from the stem. He gestured to the snacks on the table. “Now, please. Eat.”

Number Two sighed, reluctantly taking an apple and starting to eat. After a time, color seemed to return to her face and she seemed less miserable. By three hairs, but it was something. After all, anything was better than Number Two trying to cling to SQ and apologize for all eternity. She and Nicholas both had that bad tendency and if Rhonda and Milligan found it rough to deal with on the best of days, SQ was bound to snap on his worst.

They continued having breakfast in this manner, and Number Two resigned herself to looking over old journals and notes after a while, trying to figure out some of the codes and seeing if they could counteract the frequency in some way they hadn’t thought of yet. Jump the signals to the different frequencies required in order to transmit the messages without being caught in time with the originals. Thus far they had been unsuccessful, and as Nicholas ruminated over an old copy of Stuart Little, he wondered where they might be in their search if SQ hadn’t shown up. They would have no team for the Sender, still, and not know that Sender was his brother. They would be flying blind. SQ had been an invaluable resource.

Unfortunate the way he had to come to them as it was, he was still invaluable.

And Nicholas would argue that SQ’s regards to life outside the island was priceless. From the joy he took in things to the ability he had to stim without worry, everything seemed so much brighter when SQ was able to experience it alongside them.

Eventually, while Number Two had her head buried in notes, Nicholas looked up and saw SQ standing in the doorway. Nicholas arched an eyebrow in silent question.

SQ pointed at Number Two and mouthed the word Mad while furrowing his brow.

Nicholas shrugged. Looked over at her, considered, and then pointed at SQ and shook his head, before pointing to her and nodding. She’s not mad at you, she’s mad at herself.

SQ heaved a silent sigh and gave Nicholas a pointed look. She’s almost worst than you when she blames herself, he clicked out.

Number Two jumped like she had been shocked, whirling to face the doorway. “SQ,” she said, sounding choked up, “I’m so, so, so impossibly sor—“ she cut herself off as SQ shook his head.

You don’t need to be sorry. Rhonda explained that you got triggered. She didn’t say why but she explained that’s what happened. I get it. That’s what happened to me, too.

“Still, my outburst was uncalled for,” Number Two said.

SQ shrugged. I don’t think you can help what happens when you get triggered, at least, not very easily. And it’s okay to be hurt by what Dad does. If Uncle Nicholas and I can get hurt by what my Dad did, then you can be too.

Number Two blew out a mildly frustrated breath. “I never wanted to hurt you,” she said.

I know. That’s why I would forgive you, provided there was. You know. Any blame to be thrown in the first place. But there’s not. So there’s no reason to be sorry. SQ gave a slightly cheeky grin as he added, Don’t worry, Dad already got me worse than you ever could.

Number Two spat out a startled laugh.

Nicholas sighed. “Dare I ask?” he pondered aloud.

SQ shrugged. It’s probably nothing you haven’t heard from me before. The betrayal of trust speech and the like. Dad was often fond of the Ides of March. Looking back on it, it kinda makes a twisted kind of sense. He’s wrong, though.

Nicholas sighed. “Yes, I think I’m starting to see that.”

SQ looked surprised, before starting to smile. You do?

“Yes,” Nicholas sighed. “While what he did was unacceptable when we were younger, what I did to escape was not as egregious as I believed. Especially since you and I both know how he is, I do believe that in some sense, you understand I did what I needed to do. And when I look at you, I see myself reflected in those actions. I don’t blame you, however, so how could I blame myself?”

SQ hummed his understanding. Makes sense, actually, he mused. Though I’m not sure you should use me as a metric for everything. I did aggressively hide in my room for. Several hours wide awake after last night. Only when I was sure that no one would see me and Rhonda wouldn’t mind being woken up did I go to her room.

Nicholas hummed. “I think your reaching out to someone for assistance is fairly healthy, SQ, don’t sell yourself short.”

Oh, no, I meant the isolation before that. That was bad, SQ said, eyes bugging out. I thought I was gonna go insane.

“Ruminating leads to distress very frequently, I agree,” Nicholas said, before glancing pointedly at Number Two.

“Yes, yes, I get your point,” Number Two sighed. “Doesn’t mean I like it. At all.”

I’d be surprised if you did, honestly, SQ said. Who in their right mind enjoys being called out?

“I would argue no one,” Nicholas said.

SQ cocked his head to the side. My point exactly. Also I was being rhetorical. I’m learning how to do that.

“Ah.” Nicholas flushed. “I appreciate that information.”

SQ shrugged, coming over and taking a grape of his own from the bowl. He looked at Number Two. He didn’t do anything untoward while you guys were waiting for me, right?

Nicholas sputtered.

“He did that ‘shut off any and all body language’ thing he does sometimes,” Number Two said.

Ah, Dad wanting something number eight, I’m familiar. SQ nodded sagely. It’s a creepy one, and it usually worked, so he did it a lot.

“I was only trying to get her to eat,” Nicholas defended sullenly.

And intimidation is not the best way to do that, Uncle Nicholas, SQ pointed out. There are far better ones out there.

Nicholas sighed, propping his head up on his chin, an armrest holding up his arm. “Well, how do you suggest I fix that, to be less creepy?”

That deconstruction thing we do sometimes does wonders on me, SQ said with a shrug. Understanding I do something because I want to hurt or because I’m confused or angry or whatever turns into spite against Dad and me living healthily to give him a big old middle finger.

Nicholas cackled in a rather undignified fashion, slumping into the armrest. He sat up a moment later, giggling, “Indeed?”

SQ shrugged, grinning shamelessly. Best way to get back at him, in my opinion.

“Flipping him off?” Nicholas asked.

Showing him that his work can be undone and that he was wrong, SQ corrected. No revenge quite like it.

“I do sincerely hope you never have to come into contact with your father again if you don’t want to, my dear, but if and when that day comes, I can’t think of a better way to rub his face in it than to be the bigger man and explain that he hurt you. And that you don’t even need an apology, even if you want one, because you understand what he did and you’ve undone his conditioning,” Nicholas said. “Indeed, I’d love to do that to him myself, as well.”

Chapter Text

Nicholas had told SQ the week prior to that day that they were running the tests again. SQ had merely nodded, this time, instead of becoming unsettled. That didn’t mean that he was happy about it, and he told Nicholas that the house always felt empty without the others inside it. But he had projects to work on, and books to read, so Nicholas wasn’t nearly as worried about how the day might go.

The weather was drizzling, so there wasn’t much of a chance to go outside, anyway. SQ and Nicholas were sharing a cup of tea and hot chocolate in the study, for most of the morning. SQ was sketching the final schematics of the birdhouse, at Nicholas’ behest, and when he was done, he carefully tore the page from his sketchbook and handed the schematics, complete with different angles and measurments, to Nicholas. He looked it over, and nodded. “We should be able to make something like this ourselves,” he mused. “And we can get a bird feeder outside as well, to perhaps entice more birds to give the house a look. Sound good?”

SQ took a long drink of his hot chocolate and nodded. Sounds perfect, he replied.

Nicholas smiled. It was about one in the afternoon by now, so the final rounds of testing were starting to come through. Nicholas always had at least one child make it to the house—whether or not they made it through the maze could be a bit of a toss-up. He glanced out the window out of curiosity, and saw a car driving down the street that Nicholas could have sworn he saw before. He frowned. Glanced at his pocket watch, and looked outside intermittently as SQ returned to his sketches.

Fifteen minutes later, the car reappeared. Same license plate, same make and model, everything. It had circled the block, slow and deliberate, like a shark. Nicholas hummed, drumming his fingers on the armrest. SQ looked over at him. Something wrong? he asked.

“Pattern recognition,” Nicholas muttered, thinking back. He had seen a car similar to this one earlier in the day before—of course he couldn’t remember the license plate now, but he considered it would probably be the same—and it wasn’t one of the cars owned by the neighbors. Did this warrant a call to Rhonda and Number Two? Perhaps not, especially in the middle of a test, but Milligan wouldn’t have access to a landline for another twenty minutes should he be on time in his patrol. Nicholas tilted his head to the side, and considered. If this was someone lost and looking for directions, there was no need to worry, but if this was his brother sending personnel to find him, or worse, SQ, then this was a grave matter indeed. “I need to make a call,” he told SQ, standing up. “Close the drapes, dear, but be careful when doing so, we don’t want the children to see you if they arrive early.”

At least he had that plausible excuse. SQ didn’t even question it, standing up to do the drapes with a nod.

Nicholas skulked down the hallways to the landline in the kitchen. He took a steeling breath and dialed. It was one thirty or so, the children would have time during the test to potentially cheat, but he had to make this known. One ring, two rings, three rings. Fourth and a dial tone. He rang again. One…two…and then a short voice on the other end of the line, “Who is this, and can this wait?”

“It’s me, and I’m afraid not,” Nicholas said simply. “There’s a circling car in the neighborhood, and we need to be on special alert if at all possible.”

“Understood,” Number Two said. “I’ll alert Milligan when he arrives, and alert Rhonda after the last test.”

“Thank you,” Nicholas said simply. “I’ll let you go back to the testing.”

“Does SQ know?” Number Two asked.

“I didn’t tell him, not yet,” Nicholas said. “He might have overheard or suspected something, but I haven’t told him outright. Didn’t seem like the time.”

“Agreed,” Number Two said. “Keep your eyes open and away from the windows, sir.”

“Will do,” Nicholas said solemnly.

He went back to the study and SQ was absorbed in his drawing. Nicholas sat back heavily in his chair and paged through one of the three books he had been considering doing a reread of. SQ cocked his head to the side. Uncle Nicholas, you’d tell me if something is wrong, right? he asked.

“I mean, of course,” Nicholas said. “I may not alert you right away if it’s only a suspicion, but I would alert you if danger was imminent. Why?”

That car with a faulty muffler has circled around the block five times now today. He paused, cocked his head to the side further, and listened. Nicholas did too. Sure enough, he heard a sputtering motor. Correction, six. You haven’t said anything.

“I only noticed a short while ago,” Nicholas said. “And I was hoping it was nothing. I did alert Number Two, on the off-chance, but I didn’t want to distress you with mere suspicions.”

SQ looked displeased. Had you said something, I could have provided more information, he protested. You only noticed it twice but I noticed six. That’s not someone lost.

“Yes, I rather agree,” Nicholas said. “We cannot leave, however, because the tests are still underway.”

SQ pulled a face. I understand but I’m not happy about it, he said. It feels like we’re sitting ducks.

“Do you not usually feel that way being in the house most of the time?” Nicholas asked.

There’s a choice when I’m in the house most of the time. I like staying inside when the weather’s bad, and when it’s nice I can go out into the courtyard or onto the porch. But here, I have no way out that’s safe. Not without Milligan or Number Two or Rhonda. No offense, Uncle Nicholas, but I wouldn’t rely on you for physical fights.

“I don’t blame you, it’s been an awful long time since I was in the Navy,” Nicholas sighed. “And even then, I was a codebreaker. They didn’t have me in physical danger often, if at all. I barely knew how to throw a decent punch, never mind make it hurt.”

The fact that I’m surprised about that part of your past cements my point, SQ said with a pointed look.

“Yes, I rather agree,” Nicholas said. “But seeing as how we cannot leave, is there anything I can do to make you feel more secure?”

SQ shrugged. Thunder rolled in the distance and SQ started to tremble. He pulled a face, and Nicholas winced in sympathy. “I agree, that’s rather unfortunate timing,” Nicholas murmured.

He got a short nod in return for that.

“I would put on a record, but I’m not sure who will make it through testing and if we’ll have the children earlier rather than later. We’d have to take the vinyl off the record machine and I suspect suddenly hearing the storm much louder would be more distressing?” Nicholas hazarded.

Again, another nod. Thunder rolled again and SQ winced, glancing at the windows from where they were hidden behind the drapes. This is gonna be a long afternoon, he said with absolute certainty.

“Yes, I rather agree,” Nicholas mused. “I rather agree.”

They chatted throughout the thunder portion of the storm, at least, as it was starting to roll in. SQ didn’t like the thunder as it started coming directly overhead, but he knew to expect it by that point so he flinched far less. There was a crack of lighting mere blocks away and SQ clapped his hands over his ears in shock as Nicholas risked a glance out the window. “No one was hit,” he murmured. “Good.”

He turned around to find SQ curled in a ball, hands clapped over his ears still, and he was rocking back and forth. “Oh, dear,” Nicholas breathed. “Oh, are you all right, Shep?”

The scoff he got in return to that was answer enough and then some.

“Yes, I was rather worried about that,” Nicholas hummed. “I wish I could be of more help, my dear, but I can’t make the storm go away. Is there anything I can grab you that might help?”

SQ shook his head, and Nicholas tutted. “I’m sorry,” he said, instead of letting a sigh apologize for him, realizing that in this moment, that would probably come across as Nathaniel’s frustration rather than Nicholas’ worry.

He settled into the couch next to SQ and SQ leaned on his shoulder. It told Nicholas exactly how much SQ was shaking, and that was quite a bit. He had stopped rocking in favor of tapping his thumb against the rest of his fingers, shaking out the stress through his hands from the wrist, and resuming the tapping motion again and again.

They stayed like that for some time, as the thunder crashed and rolled overhead, Nicholas just intermittently turned pages in his book as he read, and SQ slowly stopped shaking, in favor of nodding off. Nicholas was mildly thankful for this—SQ doubtlessly would be better off resting if the storm continued on this way. They would have to hurry the children to the enclosed porch before they did the tests, and before Nicholas could get the proper intel on them, Number Two and Rhonda’s impressions of them, Milligan’s threat assessment. It was not a pleasant thought.

Not that the children should be threats, but Nicholas liked to know who he was about to interact with, whether or not they were likely to be combative to his ideas, or skeptical of the tests. It was worrying to think that they might react poorly to SQ as well. That last instance with Natalie weighed heavily on Nicholas’ mind as he ruminated on what to say.

Saying that the Sender was his brother would undoubtedly raise suspicion, but he didn’t want to lie to the children about who they might meet on the island. And if these ones didn’t understand Morse Code, he didn’t want to force SQ to speak to corroborate his story.

Of course, all of this was contingent that any of them figured out the secret to the maze. There was that final test and without it, quite a bit of speculation wasn’t as necessary. But Nicholas was the type to prefer to be prepared. And it usually paid off for him in the long run, even if short term he ran himself a little ragged emotionally going over options.

There was the sound of rushed footsteps outside, loud splashing through the mud in the yard, but Nicholas recognized it as Milligan’s gait. “That’s Milligan,” he murmured to the room. SQ snuffled and burrowed deeper into Nicholas in his sleep, and Nicholas gently rubbed his thumb over SQ’s arm, long strokes as he continued to muse.

There was the faint sound of the door being opened, Rhonda’s murmuring. There was a single voice he didn’t recognize. One child. Perhaps they could stay through another round of testing, but Nicholas doubted he’d be so lucky as to find an entire team in the next six months.

SQ stretched, opening bleary eyes and looking around. His head whipped around as he heard the bell. Nicholas held up a finger. “One child,” he filled in. “Not a sign to flee.”

Dissatisfied but resigned, SQ nodded his head, before flinching at a crack of lightning louder than the more recent distant rolling of thunder.

The bell rang again, an exact three minutes and twenty three seconds later. Nicholas nodded. He heard Number Two congratulate the child, “Eliza,” if he wasn’t mistaken, and then they were approaching the study. SQ peered over the couch as Nicholas stood and made his way to his desk, picking up some papers. He hadn’t had the chance to see Eliza’s tests, but he imagined that he would soon enough.

“Sir,” Number Two said, opening the door and gathering his attention from trying to find the schematics he needed.

“Ah, yes, hello!” he said, turning with a smile. The girl was small, he estimated about ten years old. Oh, she would be able to wait a couple months for testing, provided he could gather a team in that time.

She eyed him, slightly distrustfully. “So this is him?” she asked, turning to Number Two. “He’s the one who set up the inane puzzles on the test?”

Number Two sputtered, “Inane?!” SQ perked up in interest. Nicholas just smiled. A stubborn streak. Might come in handy.

“Hello,” he said, “I’m Nicholas Benedict.” He stuck his hand out, and she appraised it a moment before finally shaking it.

“Eliza Contraire,” she said simply. “I know you want something from me. I’m not interested.”

“No?” Nicholas asked, mildly surprised.

“No,” Eliza confirmed. “I’ve heard whispers about you on the street, someone who can solve puzzles no one else will.”

“I certainly try,” Nicholas said curiously.

Eliza nodded. “I lost my sister. I’ve been looking for her in every system I can find, and I’ve had no luck.”

“Your sister?” Nicholas asked.

“We lost our parents ages ago, she wouldn’t remember them,” Eliza said. “I barely remember them. But she got swept up by the system and separated from me when I was six and she was three. I need to find her, keep her safe. I was hoping you could be of assistance.”

“I certainly can try,” Nicholas said. “Are you sure you don’t want to hear my offer?”

“Positive,” she laughed. “You’re looking for a bunch of smart orphans for a deadly mission. Any child who reads the newspaper and finds your ad has to be smart, the fact that you’re addressing the children themselves tells me you don’t want parents involved, and the whole, ‘sponsorship for scholarships’ for some school that’s prestigious but also no one seems to come out of knowing anything about it? Please. Something’s up, and I’d rather not be sent on a deadly mission. I just want my sister.”

Nicholas nodded. “Well, since you know all about my plans, I assume you know that I need more than one child? I wouldn’t send you on your own.”

“That would be particularly stupid,” Eliza sniffed.

“I’ll help look for your sister,” Nicholas agreed. “Is there any chance you would stay here while I search?”

“No,” Eliza said. “I have too high a danger magnet risk. I’ll give you a place to write me, though,” she said, rifling through her jacket where he saw, to his great amusement, at least a dozen pencils in the pockets.

Stubborn, indeed.

Uncle Nicholas, SQ interrupted, Are you sure she can’t help us?

“I never said I couldn’t help you,” Eliza said without missing a beat, passing a paper to Nicholas. “I said I won’t go on your deadly mission.”

“Ideally not deadly,” Nicholas said, noting that the girl used a different last name than “Contraire” on the paper. “And you’ll be contactable at this address for how long?”

“Don’t know,” Eliza said breezily. “A couple years, easy. It’s a PO box, a bit out of the way for me to get to but I prefer the walk.”

“Understood,” Nicholas said, putting the slip in his address book. “Now, how would you be helping us, if you’re not going on this mission?”

“Because my sister would,” she said. “And if you think I’m clever, you’ve never met her.”

“Oh?” Nicholas asked.

“I’ll tell you exactly what she would do with your stupid test were you the proctor,” Eliza said, a smug grin toying on her face, “And I’ll tell you what she’ll do because you’re not, and she knows she needs to go higher up the food chain if you’re calling the shots. But I’ll only do so if you promise to contact me saying you found her after your mission is over.”

Nicholas nodded, gesturing for the girl to have a seat on the couch. She did, as far away from SQ as possible, smoothing the hem of her skirt and sparing him a glance. “Not much of a talker, are you?” she asked.

SQ, apparently surprised he was roped back into the conversation, shook his head.

“Good,” she said, before Nicholas could interject and redirect her. “Talking gets good people killed, if you’re not careful.”

“Okay…maybe we can circle back to that at a later point,” Nicholas said, holding up a finger. “I’d like to hear more about your sister, first.”

“She’s not my blood, but she is my sister,” Eliza said. “Not many understand, but I suspect you might. Her last name is Contraire. Mine is not. It’s not what I gave you, either, but I need the anonymity.”

“You’re on the run, aren’t you?” Nicholas asked softly.

Eliza shrugged dismissively. “I’m saving those who are coming after me. Giving them a mercy, if you will.”

SQ looked wildly unnerved. Nicholas noted that Eliza had that same sort of eerie calm about her Nathaniel always did before he burst. “I see,” he said, and really, he did. This girl had the potential to be ruthless, he saw it in her eyes. She didn’t want to use force—unlike Nathaniel—but she very much would if she were forced to, he could see that clear enough.

Eliza snickered. “You two look like I’m about to unleash a bomb,” she said. “Don’t worry. You’re not holding me against my will. I won’t be doing anything untoward.”

“Reassuring,” Nicholas said drily.

“Is my word not good enough for you?” Eliza challenged.

“Oh, no, it’s perfectly fine,” Nicholas said. “Provided you prove you can uphold it.”

Eliza pursed her lips, scrutinizing him. She seemed to be boring into his very soul with her shrewd gaze. “I suppose that’s true,” she allowed, flouncing into the sofa back with a huff. “You haven’t seen me keep my word.”

Nicholas’ lips twitched up in a half-smile. She could see his reasoning and concede his point, too, which was always nice to see. Stubborn but practical. She really would be invaluable, but he wouldn’t push her if she refused the mission. That simply wouldn’t do. If she went against her will, any number of things up to and including his position being realized could occur, and that would be catastrophic.

She noted his smile and scowled. “You know, I could leave you to your own devices and never find my sister.”

Nicholas shrugged. “Then I would be at the same square I am at right now. Searching for children to help me. If you don’t know where your sister is, then I can’t very well pick her up and bring her here, and I wouldn’t let her go on this mission on her own.”

“How would you know to pass her if you didn’t know her?” Eliza scoffed.

Nicholas held a hand out and Number Two approached with Eliza’s test booklet. “Well, let’s see: you answered quite a few of these questions accurately, including the mathematical and linguistic questions. But when it came to philosophical, you merely scratched them out, or said, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” or any vague nonsensical answers that wouldn’t give me a lot of insight,” he said, flicking through the pages. “Most people I look for answer honestly, but I also do have an appreciation for the stubborn, the obstinate, and the people who refuse to share the cards they hold until their time comes. Would she answer in any way similar to you?”

“She would be far worse than me,” Eliza said. “She would most likely not even write her real name on the test.”

Nicholas laughed lightly, not hard enough to induce cataplexy but enough to feel a little woozy. “I would find her on my own, in that regard, should she sign up for my tests, then,” he said. “I know you are not willing to stay, at least not for long. But if you are willing to help by giving me information on your sister, then I imagine that you’ll leave directly after. Sometime tonight when the house has come to a rest, correct?”

Eliza looked spooked.

“I, too, can see your puzzle, my dear,” Nicholas said, holding up a finger. “You don’t want to give up information about her that I could use to my advantage, or for my own gain. You want to see the type of person I am first. Yes, if you gave me the fact you had a sister at all you trust me some, but you cannot deny that despite talking about her a great deal, you haven’t even given me her first name.”

Eliza stared at him, long and hard, searching every inch of his physical person, and he allowed it to happen. He felt oddly detached from the ordeal, and wondered when, exactly, she was going to ask questions to pick his brain.

She never did. “Her name is Constance,” she said with finality. “Constance Contraire.”

Okay. So, either this girl was an incredibly good judge of character of her own, was supremely confident that Nicholas would not take advantage of her sister after hearing how easily he read her, or, the third, most likely option: she was, in fact, psychic, and everything she needed to know about Nicholas’ character, she could dip into his mind for.

No wonder she was on the run.

SQ looked Eliza over with some interest, clearly knowing that something was afoot but Nicholas wasn’t sure if he understood the gravity of the situation yet. Eliza caught the knowing look in Nicholas’ eye and tilted her chin up in challenge. A silent trial to see if he would say anything. But he knew better.

“What does Constance do that I should look out for, other than being extremely stubborn and apparently violent?” Nicholas asked.

“The TV and radio make her feel nauseous,” Eliza said. “They make us both feel uneasy. She will say as much on the test, provided she answers any questions at all. She might go on a several-page rant about the question, or she might use an expletive in her answer. Or several expletives. Regardless, she will end anyone who insists she listen to the radio or the TV.” There was a thick pause. “You have a theory as to why that is.”

More than a theory, SQ said. He’s proved that there are hidden messages in the TV and radio that are brainwashing the world.

Eliza sat there a moment, considering. “He hasn’t called the cops over it?”

You think that cops would listen to him? SQ shot back, rolling his eyes.

Eliza sat there, apparently shocked. “Cops are not good, but I didn’t think they were that evil,” she whispered.

“They’re being brainwashed, same as everyone else, to believe that this isn’t happening,” Nicholas explained. “It’s a rather precarious situation we find ourselves in.”

“No kidding,” Eliza scoffed. She looked at Nicholas. “If you know enough about me, you should know: Constance is stronger than I am. If anyone could go in alone, it would be her, but it’s for the best there’s a team. Someone to bust her out if she decides to get into different trouble than you want her to.”

“Sending a child on this mission on their own is far too reckless, regardless,” Nicholas said. “Now, I’m sure you will leave in the middle of the night, once the house has rested, but how long has it been since you have had a warm, whole meal?”

Eliza sighed. “Not long,” she said, “But I could eat, regardless.”

“I’ll ensure that you have been fed before you leave,” Nicholas said. “I appreciate you taking the tests, Eliza. And…if you ever do find your sister…both of you are welcome here as a place for a meal and a warm bed, should you ever need it.”

Eliza appeared distrustful of the kindness, but nodded regardless. “All right,” she said. “I suppose I will keep that in mind.”