Chapter Text
Jisung remembers the first time he met Hwang Hyunjin. It was on the first day of high school. He’d been forced to walk that day, his years-old sneakers padding against the sidewalk. There was a rhythm with his steps; each foot keeping in tune with the way the music from his headphones blasted into his ears. He wouldn’t have dreaded the treacherous walk to school, if the sun had given him mercy. It seemed to have known that Jiusng’s parents needed to go to work early that morning, therefore distributing more heat onto Earth than any other time. It was accompanied by fluffy clouds morphed into indistinguishable shapes, and a wind that took pride in sweeping through the dark brown locks Jisung styled after putting on his school uniform. A uniform might he add that was at least two sizes too big. The white button up was sagging off his torso, his yellow blazer was falling off his shoulders, and his black trousers would occasionally be stepped on by the heel of his shoes. He looked like a child who wanted to dress up in his father’s clothes during play time. And it’s all because his mother accidentally marked the wrong size when submitting his forms.
He had to stay positive though. Baggy clothes and sweat pooling down his temple shouldn’t be what ruins the rest of his day. He’s at a new school—the one where people’s lives typically change for better or for worse—and he’s now given the opportunity to be a bigger and better him. So wiping at his forehead with the back of his hand, while also shrugging his book-bag back into place upon his shoulders, Jisung let a grin stretch its way upon his face. Unfortunately, that smile didn’t last for too long. Upon passing the large gates surrounding the building, he threw his hands up and let his jaw go slack. A scoff slipped past his small red lips and got swept up with the cool breeze. His mocha colored eyes trailed to the big brown stain that now covered the shirt he wore.
A cup of coffee had just been thrown on him.
He could hear snickers and murmurs from fellow students. None of them stopped to ask if he was alright; if the drink was hot enough to burn his skin; if he was even deserving of the beverage being tossed onto him so unexpectedly. They all just kept walking, chatting with one another as if he were some entertaining television show. Jisung’s cheeks and ears were shading red from embarrassment.
"What the hell, dude!?" He sounded angry, annoyed, and more importantly confused.
"I'm so sorry!"
It was said by the culprit. A taller and much slimmer boy; school uniform fitting him in ways that Jisung could only wish that his did at the moment. He also had dark brown hair, it swept over his forehead as if hiding the fact that he was in desperate need of a haircut. He used his innocent hazelnut eyes to stare shocked at what he’d done. (And not like that it was important to Jisung or anything, but he could see a tiny mole sitting under the lid of the stranger’s left eyelid.) It was a cute little feature. Under different circumstances the shorter would have probably described the stranger as mesmerizing—someone who managed to use the unruly sun to their advantage, and make it seem as if they’re glowing. But right now, isn’t that. Jisung could only narrow his eyes into a glare at the other boy, a newfound disliking for someone who returned the stare with concern.
"I didn’t mean to—oh this looks so bad. That was meant for my cousin" The same nameless student rambled as he fidgeted in place. But at the mention of his relative, he looked past Jisung to catch sight of his cousin who was bent over laughing hysterically. “My very idiotic cousin” There was a glare thrown yet not received. So returning his attention to Jisung (who thought that if he used his blazer sleeve to wipe at his shirt aggressively, then the stain will magically disappear), the stranger racked his brain for ways to help. “Here, you can use my bleach pen!” He didn’t hesitate to remove his own book-bag and dig around through one of two pockets. “I keep it with me just in case, you know? Never thought that I would be taking it out for a situation like this but,” He held it out in front of him, a tight smile pulling at his rather big pink lips.
Jisung feels like he’s being pranked. Any minute now more students will come and surround them, a camera in hand and then explain that he was the unlucky student who’s been made to look like a fool. So raising an eyebrow he glanced between the bleach pen and the taller who was trying to give it to him. He was extremely hesitant, fingers itching to reach out yet failing to do so. They kept frozen in place, deciding that it was best to refuse the generous offer.
"You’ve done enough. Now, stay away from me."
-
From that day on, Jisung didn’t think that he’d have to come face to face with the person (he’s learned was named Hwang Hyunjin) ever again. He’d be able to avoid the taller for however long he thought a grudge was deserved. And if they shared classes, then he’d just make sure that he claimed a seat that was the furthest from the other. Unfortunately they had mutual friends. Or at least one mutual friend. Lee Yongbok was his name (even though he preferred to be called Felix). He was a foreigner who moved all the way from Australia only a year or so ago. He was quirky and made acquaintances with anyone he was allowed to talk to. With his freckle covered cheeks, (that would eventually thin out into a structured jaw) and a smile bright enough to put the stars to shame, it was hard to deny the bubbly teenager. He was the embodiment of the word: friendly. It was honestly scary by how nice he could be, some even taking that as one of his weaknesses.
He never took anything to heart. So when Jisung refused his random declaration of wanting to be his friend, he let his teeth show and eyes crinkle into crescents. He said he understood before claiming that he’d leave him alone. Only, he didn’t. Each day Felix made it his goal to at least make conversation with Jisung—whether it be in the halls, during their shared math class, or at lunch. Jisung wasn’t allowed to chew on his sandwich without being interrupted by a bubbly Australian from bouncing over and suddenly spewing complete and utter nonsense. Eventually the brunette caved. He gave a sigh and told Felix what he wanted to hear.
“Fine,” Running a hand through his hair, he watched as Felix bounced slightly in his seat. He had no idea what Jisung was about to say and yet he was growing excited. “You can be my friend. But-” He stopped the other from squealing loudly. “You can’t be this happy all the time. You’re really killing my whole depressed teenager persona.”
The two grew a bond that seemed almost unbreakable.
It just wasn't until their sophomore year when the Australian started to date the rebellious and stone cold bad-boy of the school: Seo Changbin, did Jisung have to leave the once comforting wonder twins duo and expand his social skills. Because with Changbin came his two friends. He wasn’t too thrilled by it all, but Felix looked happy so he didn’t do much when it came to denying possible new friends. That’s when he met a haughty Kim Seungmin and an irritating Hwang Hyunjin. Disappointment and vexation traveled through him as he was forced to introduce himself to the duo. When being around them Jisung felt as though he was constantly surrounded by snobby children. But maybe he was just prejudging because he already had it out for Hyunjin? It’s why he usually kept his mouth shut whenever they decided to eat lunch with one another, or plan a simple outing together.
Thankfully his dislike for Seungmin slowly but surely vanished. Or at least enough for the two to hold a discussion that was filled with laughter and witty banter. As for Hyunjin, Jisung should have known that there was no forming a relationship ever since their first accidental meeting. There were always arguments between the pair. Battles of who was the smartest and the toughest. Wars to prove who was superior in any suggested subject. And it happens so frequently that their small group decided it was best to just leave the pair alone—allow them to end the fight themselves.
"I swear if you kick me one more time..." Jisung mumbled. He also flung his leg forward in order to land a swift kick towards Hyunjin’s shin for revenge. He winces, but it was easily replaced by a condescending smirk.
"Whatcha' gonna do shorty? Bite my ankles?" He snickers while running a hand through his recently dyed hair. There wasn’t much he’d done to it, just made it a few shades lighter and finally gave it that needed haircut.
Jisung slams his hands onto the lunch table, the loud impact alarming the other three teens who sat nearby. The food they chewed was put to a halt as they became more aware of the way their two friends looked as though they were ready to kill each other. Or at least Jisung looked ready to kill Hyunjin, while the taller one sat smug. Changbin had been the one to give a useless plea that was to hopefully get them to quit whatever quarrel they found themselves in this time, yet was turned down when Jisung hadn’t spared him a glance. Instead he glared for about the hundredth time at the other male.
"I'm literally only a few inches shorter than you! If anything you're just built like a tree!" Jisung snarls back.
"Don't get too mad shorty, you're starting to look like a tomato."
The dark brunette was fed up. His molars ground against one another as he tightened his jaw, eyes narrowing to hide the fact that they were shuddering with anger. And his hands clenched tightly into fists, throwing a punch that Jisung swears he doesn't even remember doing. Eyes from all over the cafeteria went wide when watching Hyunjin land on the floor with a grunt. Whispered chatter began to erupt when noticing the taller hold his nose in pain. And once he removed his fingers from a wound that would obviously bruise a black and blue later on, blood was shown trailing down his right nostril. Jisung gasped at the sight. He couldn't believe he had just done that. He even physically flinched when catching the abhorrent scowl Hyunjin threw his way. Never in his life has he condoned to violence, but here he was, hovering over the body of someone he had just punched.
"Hyunjin I-" He didn't know what to say. He was utterly baffled by what he was capable of doing. And he most definitely didn't have time to think about it when the other male was now on his feet. He aggressively pushed Jisung to the ground, fist raising as he was ready to throw his own attack. Thankfully he was stopped by a teacher before any blows were given.
"You two," The teacher harshly glanced at both students. "To the principal's office. Now!”
-
Jisung wants to think it was after being scolded and then told to apologize to one another did their feud begin to diminish. Or it could have been the fact that he was sentenced to a one week suspension for causing harm to another student (where he was forced to stay locked away in his room with nothing to occupy his mind)? A place where he was forced to lay on his bed and stare at the ceiling, recollecting what he had done. He’d been grounded by his parents—phone taken and not allowed to go anywhere. They too had been appalled by what Jisung’s done and didn’t dither from ranting about how he’s one-hundred percent in the wrong. Like he doesn’t already know that. In the end after all of his awful thinking, there wasn't much he could do to make things right other than to apologize.
Inevitably he had to at least try to get along with Hyunjin.
Surprisingly it was really easy. But maybe that’s because the two of them agreed to just stay far away from one another. Of course there were a few complications like sharing the same friends—but they made it work by doing minor things. Such as sitting on opposite ends of the table, deliberately keeping their mouths shut unless talking to the other three, even rejecting invitations to after school gatherings if the other was going to be there. Felix didn’t like that though. So (after agreeing that they absolutely hate seeing the ray of sunshine pout like a child) they agreed to fake a friendship. All they had to do was fool everyone into thinking that they no longer held any animosity for one another. In the midst of it all, they found out that they were quite alike. It led them to believe that it wasn't too difficult to withhold a tangible friendship.
By the end of sophomore and beginning of junior year, Jisung and Hyunjin found themselves closer than anyone else in their group.
The dark brunette wants to say it was because he invited the taller one out for ice cream one afternoon. At first it was awkward, Hyunjin thought he was about to be killed off and then dragged to the nearest ditch. A tension hung above their heads as neither one knew how to spark a conversation without it leading to a misunderstanding. But it ended with their frozen desserts smothered all over their faces and huge genuine smiles. It was weird to see how close they've become. At one point, Seungmin asked to be pinched because he swore he was dreaming. Surprisingly enough he wasn’t and the pinch Changbin gave him hurt. Everyone was just supposed to get used to the way Jisung and Hyunjin clung to one another as if they never had a terrible past. And that went for outsiders as well. Other students watched the shift in their dynamic impressively. Some even started to gossip that it was all just pent up sexual attraction that they felt for each other. What a lie. Never has Jisung thought about Hyunjin romantically.
"Here, try this," Jisung urged. He held out his wooden chopsticks with a bite of strawberry cheesecake placed upon it. He wanted Hyunjin to eat it. The lanky teenager snickered with a playful eye roll before leaning in to eat the creamy treat. "Good right?" The brunette then asked. He placed a hand at the base of Hyunjin’s neck, nimble fingers gently playing with the hairs on his nape. He’s just recently dyed his hair black, saying something along the lines of the light brown being too childish. Personally Jisung didn’t get it; because whether he likes to admit it or not, the taller male was handsome no matter what his hair color was.
Hyunjin hummed with a smile.
Replicating his grin, Jisung reached out for more of the delicious treat. This time it was for himself. He stuffed his cheeks, the skin there puffing and making him look rather adorable. If blushed at the way Hyunjin joked about how he resembled a squirrel storing nuts, he tried his hardest not to make it a big deal. Felix sure did though. He giggled at the duo.
“Aww, you two are so cute together. If I didn’t know any better, I would have assumed you two were dating” He grinned mischievously at how the both of them went red in the face. Protests were given from both parties and yet the other three friends weren’t listening.
“Yeah, yeah. We know you two aren’t actually. But why don’t you give it a try?” Seungmin suggested. He chomped down on a potato chip. “If it works out, great! I'm happy for the two of you. If not, then at least you can say you did it. And we no longer have to keep watching you two make massive heart eyes at one another” He shoved another chip in his mouth. “Like seriously, you two are almost as gross as Changbin and Felix.”
“Hey!”
They were only supposed to give it a try. They were supposed to act like they adored one another for a week, to see if they really were compatible or not. But that test-run soon turned into a month; six months; and then eventually a year long. Never would they have guessed that they would end up cuddling on the weekends, or giving the warmest of kisses whenever they had the chance. It was an unexpected twist. Especially when they claimed to have loathed one another.
-
Senior year came quickly. The ending of senior year came even quicker. Students scrambled around trying to piece together a yearbook; a prom with the theme of: winter wonderland; and filling out applications for what college they plan on going to. While everyone else stressed to get the last year of their high school experience together, Jisung was rather calm and collected. He didn’t have to worry about who to ask to be his prom date (because he already had his boyfriend for that); which pictures needed to go on what page of the yearbook (because he never joined any clubs and all of that was left for the student council); and personally he planned to just stay home and apply for a university that wasn't too far away.
He was upset to hear that his best friend would be going back to his birthplace Australia for the next four long years. He could proudly say that Felix was one of the few people he’s met that he wishes to never leave him. So to hear that he’d be leaving was a day spent crying on each other’s shoulders. And then Jisung’s stomach sank further when getting the news that Changbin and Seungmin also plan on traveling a long distance for college. Too far for Jisung to just get up and drive for a quick meeting. He was never told where Hyunjin was going. He was just extremely hopeful that it wasn't too far. He hates to admit it, but he's grown to love Hyunjin. He really doesn't want to lose their stable relationship over more frustrating years of education.
Woefully that's exactly what happened.
It was after prom ended. It was after the two spent the rest of that night giving love to one another beneath the cotton bed sheets upon Jisung’s bed. They were entangled, naked limbs mixed together with only a thick blanket covering them. Jisung had his head rested upon Hyunjin's chest, eyes focused on how his chubby fingers drew shapes against the heated skin of the taller. Even during such a sentimental moment like their current one, the younger's mind could only be clouded with worrying thoughts.
"Where are you going for college?" He raised his head from Hyunjin's chest to look him in the eye. The other furrowed his eyebrows from the sudden question.
"Let's not talk about that now. Let's sleep."
He dodged it. Instead of answering, he closed his eyelids and pressed the brunette closer to him as if savoring the moment a little longer. Of course his response had Jisung unsettled. He wiggled his way out of Hyunjin's grasp, sitting on the edge of the mattress as he sluggishly shuffled a pair of underwear back on. He too slipped a random shirt over his head before facing Hyunjin with all seriousness. The other sat up against the headboard before sighing.
"Why does it matter?" Hyunjin asks.
"Because if you're going far, I want to be prepa-"
"America" Hyunjin interrupts him."I'm going to America for college."
Jisung inhaled sharply, body going stiff. He wasn’t ready for that. Never was the states an option in his head. Yeah, Felix was flying all the way to Australia, but Hyunjin deciding to fly somewhere too? The ground might as well open and swallow him whole. Jisung’s chest tightened and throat felt as though it was closing.
"That's fine. W-We can figure something out" The brunette didn't like the way his boyfriend refused to look him in the eye. "Right?"
That same night Jisung cried himself to sleep. For a time in his life that was supposed to be memorable, the duo fought like they did years ago. Raged shouting echoed throughout the bedroom, bouncing off every surface that it could touch. And for a moment Jisung was thankful that his parents decided on having an overdue date. Because if they were still home then they would have heard the two lovers scream curses at one other, trying to defend themselves. They would have heard Hyunjin trying to explain how long distance relationships never work, and that it wouldn't be long before they find a reason to break up. Then they would have heard Jisung rebuttal by stating that if they truly loved one another then no matter the distance they would make it work. The things Hyunjin said was to save the heartbreak. The things Jisung said made everything worse.
They broke up and the taller one was kicked out.
-
They hadn’t spoken since then. If anything, Hyunjin was almost like a ghost. He was never seen around school and he only communicated with either Changbin or Seungmin. Jisung wanted to say that he didn’t care, but then he’d be lying. All of the times that he ran to Felix for emotional support would have been for nothing, and he would have looked like an idiot. So he went cold. His expression was blank then, and it was still blank as he walked across a stage for his diploma. Jisung didn't cry again until he and Felix awaited life-changing news. When the results came back positive, the cheerful best friend wanted to call off his trip to Australia. He said that he could find a university a lot closer, or not even go if it meant he was beside the brunette. But Jisung didn't want him to. He refused to have others wait on him.
"Do you plan on telling him? I mean he does have the right to know" Felix asked. His much smaller hand gripped the other's while they both sat within a hospital room. Jisung picked at the blue gown he was told to put on, while shaking his head.
"No. Just like with you, I'm not going to force him to stop living because of me" He gave a weak attempt at a smile. "I will eventually though. I promise."
The last time Jisung cried was when he had to watch his friends leave. Seungmin left first, stating he didn't want anyone to witness him let out ugly tears. And then went Changbin. Him and Felix clung to each other like glue before the departure. The amount of tears they released was enough to fill a small pond. They were in the middle of the sidewalk, holding each other as sobs left their bodies in loud heaves. It was kind of embarrassing. Jisung had to wave with an awkward smile so no one who walked by had any reason to be worried.
"Wait for me okay?" Changbin choked on the words while grabbing hold of his boyfriend's face. Felix didn't hesitate to nod in agreement before once again bringing the older in for a hug. "Just wait for me."
"I love you," Felix whispered.
"I love you too."
Hyunjin didn't say goodbye to anyone. Or at least not physically. The last Jisung had heard from him was through a letter—explaining all of his feelings and thoughts as to why he was leaving. He wrote about how he loved the brunette and that he'll be back eventually. Jisung would have believed him too, that is if it weren't written. If Hyunjin was there to say it to his face and give him one last kiss, promising that they'll be together again, Jisung would have thought they were meant to be. But again, Hyunjin wasn’t there. Only his penmanship on lined paper. Therefore Jisung threw the letter in the trash. He ripped it into shards of what it used to be, giving it a nasty glare before walking away without a second glance. He thought it would be best if they didn't get back together anyway. Everything they once had would be gone and wasted by the time they reconnected.
Jisung was a shell of what he used to be, and even planned on changing his appearance to present that. Hair bleach. He's always wanted to see what he would look like as a blonde.
"Okay, I'm off. Are you sure you'll be okay?" Felix spoke to him like he was fragile, gripping the shoulders of his best friend as he stared with genuine concern. The dark brunette nods with a chuckle.
"You don't need to worry about me” He moved strands of hair from the Australian’s face. “I’ll be just fine.”
"Alright, make sure to call at least once a week. And don't forget to send pictures" The cheeky friend encouraged. “I want updates on everything. Hospital visits, your stomach, everything. Okay?”
"Will do” Jisung smiled before bringing Felix in for a hug. He tried to stop the other from crying but he was already letting the tears fall as they parted. All he could really do was wipe the clear droplets before forcing Felix to get in his car and leave. Jisung waved until the vehicle was no longer in sight.