Chapter Text
Tigress was sitting down in her chair at the table, shoving Po's noodle soup down her throat, but she didn't taste a single bite of it. Her mind was in many places, and the present moment was not one of them. The sounds of Po, Monkey, and Manits arguing, and the quieter voices of Crane and Viper whispering to each other passed by Tigress's ears, but she did not hear a word. In her mind, she was back on the boat, on the way to Gongmen City. She did not hear the small conversation at the table, but rather a single sentence, which played itself over and over again in her mind.
"So hardcore you don't feel a thing." She could perfectly remember every detail around her when that statement was made. The coolness of the early morning air around her and the state of the Sun as it was just about to tip its warm rays on the city. But what she remembered the most was that familiar fanboy look about Po.
She remembered Po waking up and leaving to punch the mast. Then, the conversation about the ironwood trees which stole so much of her youth, and nerves, from her. Then, the rest of the conversation came to mind.
"I just found out my dad… isn't really my dad," Po said with a dejected face, as his shoulders slumped down and his head lowered. However, his eyes, those bright jade eyes of his, remained looking up at Tigress.
"Your dad... the goose." Tigress said incredulously. She took a moment to register his words. Hadn't he already known that? Wasn't it obvious? He was a panda, and Mr. Ping was a goose. Didn't Po know anything about...
"Oh, never mind," she thought to herself. Right now, Po didn't need the coldness of logic and reason, but the warmth of a few reassuring words to get him back on his feet, and ready him for the undoubtedly dangerous journey that lay ahead.
"That must have been…" Tigress thought of a way to put it nicely, without sounding too judgmental. "...quite a shock."
Po gave her a soft smile and gently nodded. "Yeah," he said rather absent-mindedly as his thoughts must have turned to questions about his parents. Tigress understood those questions better than anyone. Tigress had managed to quell that curiosity years ago, but Po had only recently learned of his state as an adopted child, and naturally wanted answers. No, he needed answers. However, this was not the time for such inner turmoil. Tigress knew that in order to defeat an opponent, you must be one with yourself. If you had to fight an opponent and yourself at the same time, you would lose. And losing was not an option for them.
"And this bothers you?" Tigress asked. Her tone subtly suggested that Po shouldn't take his adoptive father for granted, or harbor anger towards him for not telling him sooner. Tigress knew that Mr. Ping loved Po. On the other hand, she knew what it was like to receive no love from anyone. Not even from her own adoptive father. That wasn't to say that Tigress wasn't grateful to Shifu. He had taken her from that awful place, and convinced her that she was not a monster, when she herself was convinced of it. Tigress dreaded thinking about what she might have become, if not for Shifu. She would have never been adopted, and the orphanage would have eventually deemed her too old to keep, and would have happily disposed of her. But what would have come out from that room? She would have spent years caged in that room, and would have emerged no better than a savage. A mindless, uncontrollable, unstoppable savage, at that. She would always be eternally grateful to Shifu for saving her from such a fate. But still, he showed her no love. Love, which all children need, just as they need water and warm clothes.
Po's face lit up, and he sat up a little straighter. "Are you kidding me!? We're warriors, right? Nerves of steel, souls of platinum, like you!" Oh, how much Po had revealed his inner fanboy in that moment, Tigress thought. Even after getting to know her a little more personally, she knew deep down that she would always remain his idol.
Then he said the words. Words that had shook Tigress to her core.
"So hardcore, you don't feel anything." He had reared back to give her a friendly punch in the arm, but swung too hard. His fist hit her arm with a crack! He had retracted his hand back in pain.
"Owwww!" he exclaimed as he shook his hand, trying to shake off the pain. Almost as if to prove his point, Tigress had not felt his punch at all. But she did feel his words, piercing her emotional walls. No, not piercing. They were crashing through them like a battering ram crashes through the strong gates of a fortress. How powerful those words were. Tigress could face the most dangerous of foes and emerge victorious, but it only took a few sounds to deeply wound her.
"Is that what he thinks of me?" Tigress thought as the realization of it all came crashing down on her. "Does he think I feel nothing? That I'm just a cold, unfeeling… thing?" The thought of that hurt Tigress more than she could have ever imagined. It wasn't just that Po might have looked at her in that way, but did everyone else think of her like that, too? Did the rest of the Five, who she had been proud to call comrades, think of her that way? Did… Shifu think of her that way?
"Po…" she had started to say. She so desperately wanted to tell him that she did feel, that she did care, that she wasn't some uncaring… monster. But the rest of the Five had come out at the moment, and she couldn't say anything in front of them.
That had been two months ago, but the words would not leave Tigress's head now. At first, she had been shocked when she found herself in such a state of despair after she thought Po had died at the hands of that merciless warlord. She never imagined that one person could mean so much to her. To have Po back had meant everything to her. For a while, she couldn't understand why. But when the answer finally came to her, she was scared. Her, a tiger of such incredible strength, was scared. Was it possible that she was in love? No, no, she had thought. Warriors cannot afford to love and be loved. It only acts as leverage for enemies to use against you. But still, her heart would not comply with her brain. These feelings would not go away, no matter how much her logic warned against it. But when she had finally put these thoughts to the side for a few moments, thoughts of the boat flooded her mind, and the scene would replay itself again and again. She suddenly heard someone right next to her.
"Hey Tigress. You alright?" Tigress looked to her side to see Po looking down at her. He had a look of concern on his face. Tigress realized that the meal must be over, and that everyone had left. Except for her, of course.
"What? Oh, sorry Po. I just… got lost in my thoughts." Po nodded and leaned to grab her empty bowl.
"You know, you really should try my soup one day. I promise it'll be awesome!" Po's tone lifted up as he started talking about food. Tigress had always been tempted to try it, as she had to admit that its smell was alluring, but it was not becoming in the diet of a warrior. But maybe… just one bowl couldn't hurt, Tigress thought to herself.
"Thanks, Po. I promise I'll try it someday." Tigress feigned a yawn, as if she was very tired. "I think I'll get some sleep now." Tigress got up from her chair and headed towards the door. She didn't know it, but Po had sensed that it was a lie. He had started to get to know Tigress too well to fall for such a trick. However, he gave no indication of it, deciding to see what she might be up to. So he merely smiled.
"Oh. In that case, have a great night's sleep! Don't let the bedbugs bite!" he added as Tigress disappeared around the door. Personally, she had found his childish ways irritating at first. But now she found it… cute? Yes, she thought. Cute was the right word for it. She walked along the hallways until coming to the barracks. With her sharp hearing, she could hear the snores and steady breathing of her comrades in their rooms. She quietly opened the door to her dark room and walked in. She had decided that she needed to go somewhere to think. And she knew just where to go. All she needed to do now was wait for Po to get back to his bed. She sat down at her bed, and waited.
A little while later, the creaking sounds in the hall suggested that Po was trying to be quiet for the sake of his friends' sleep, and was failing miserably. She heard him open his door, walk across his room, and the creaking of his bed as he laid down on it. Tigress decided to wait a few moments for him to fall asleep.
After a few moments, she could pick out a new snoring in addition to some of her friends. Satisfied that he was asleep, Tigress walked back to her door, opened it up, and quietly stepped through the hall. Little did she know that a pair of eyes snapped open at the sound they were already expecting to hear.
The Jade Palace and its grounds were almost considered sacred to the people of the Valley, but if you asked Tigress, not that anyone ever did, she might say that there was really only one important place on the grounds. It was a place of training. Some of the hardest training ever performed. The greatest of enemies were faced down in this place. Was it the Training Hall? No. Was it the ironwood forest? No. In fact, it was a very small area. This place was none other than the ledge of the Heavenly Peach Tree of Wisdom overlooking the Valley. This was the place that the evilest of demons were battled, and how legendary those battles were! Three generations had fought the most terrible of battles here, and it looked like many more generations would make war here, too. But these battles were not the normal kind. There was no blood, or fire, or death, or crying. These battles only resulted in victory or defeat. Nothing else. Despite this, the battles of the mind still remain just as dangerous as the battles of mankind.
Such a battle was being fought right now. Sitting by the ledge, a single tiger was sitting in the lotus position. With eyes closed and a steady breath, none would have been able to imagine that, if the inner turmoil could have been manifested into reality, the Valley would have been nothing but ash.
Tigress could simply not get that conversation out of her head. Opening her eyes, she lifted up her paws and looked down at them. What were those paws for, Tigress asked herself? A bitter voice deep within her whispered in her inner ear.
"You know they're nothing but weapons. After all, that's what you are. The janitor of the people, cleaning up the scum of the world, all because they can't be bothered with dealing with it themselves." The voice in her head was a mysterious one. It was, at the same time, hers and not hers. It spoke with a smooth voice, and it was absolutely certain of its words. Its logic seemed flawless. Because when it spoke, it just felt right. But still, something within Tigress fought back.
"No, that's not true. I'm not a weapon. I'm a person. I defend those innocent people because it's the right thing to do."
The voice recoiled at such words, but soon regained its composure and hissed back,
"Isn't it convenient? Of all the children in the orphanage, he picked you. Not a bunny, not a goose. You, a tiger. A tiger that was already much stronger than most adults. You already know what I'm saying is true. Shifu did not want a daughter. He wanted someone to do his job for him."
Those words cut Tigress down so far. She looked at her hands again, and was reminded that so much pain had come from them recently. How ironic, she thought. She felt nothing in her hands or arms, so why did they cause her so much pain? Maybe they were nothing but a reflection of the fact that she felt few emotions. She had done her best to switch them off. After all, they had only ever caused her pain. That was really the only emotion she had experienced in her youth. So, she had thought, if this was what emotion was, then she wanted no part of it.
So why did her life feel so… empty? And why did Po fill that void? Ah, Po. At the very thought of Po, she felt a weird sort of warmth wash over her. The voice, on the other hand, retracted from it like a shadow shrinks away from a light. But the light flooded Tigress, and there was nowhere for the voice to hide. The light struck it, and the voice vanished. But Tigress was not a fool. She knew it would be back whenever her inner light got a little dim.
Suddenly, her ear turned around as she caught the faintest of sounds. It came from behind her. She knew what it was. More importantly, she knew who it was. Only one person ever tried to sneak up on her.
"Hello, Po." She heard Po groan from behind her.
"Aww, how did you know? I was being so stealthy, too!" he said like a disappointed child might. No longer caring about stealth, he plodded his way down to where Tigress was sitting and sat down next to her. "Mind if I join you?" he asked, his tone dropping from playful to much more serious.
Tigress only nodded. She continued to stare out on the Valley below. Po decided to wait for Tigress to say something, so he occupied himself with looking down at the Valley. He had to admit, there were few sights that took his breath away. This was one of them. The sight of all the valley below, full of its people and buildings, roads and fields, was enough to amaze anyone. It was only at this spot that he could really appreciate all he did. All the training, the running up the Thousand Steps, all the exhausting work was made worthwhile in this moment. Finally, after waiting a few moments in silence, Po decided that Tigress wouldn't say anything, so he decided to prod her a little bit.
"You know, you usually don't come out here unless you're thinking about something. Something important," he added. He waited a few seconds for a response.
"Po," she started. Po was all ears, eager to learn what was on her mind. On the other hand, Tigress was having a hard time deciding what to do. She didn't really want anyone to know that she was undergoing personal issues. It made her feel weak and vulnerable. However, she could not deny something inside her that wanted to be close to Po all of the time. After thinking about it, she decided to let what little emotions she had win.
"Do you think that I'm unfeeling?" she asked. It had come out really bluntly, but Tigress bit her lip, as she hadn't meant for it to sound that way.
Po's eyes widened in shock. What kind of question was that, he thought?
"No, Tigress! Why would you say something like that?"
Tigress held up her paws again. "I can't feel anything in my paws." Po nodded, as their conversation on the boat came to his mind. "I realized I can't feel anything else, either. I was so scared that opening up only caused pain, so I shut myself off from my emotions. But now I feel empty. I feel… numb." For the first time, Tigress turned her head to look at Po. She wanted to tell him more about the way she felt, but she decided against it. She didn't want to ruin what they had. "And I don't know what to do."
Po digested her words for a little bit. His eyes suddenly lit up. "Tigress, you're already doing it! You're opening up now! By having this conversation, you're making progress." Po smiled as he realized what Tigress needed to do. "Opening up isn't something that happens overnight. All you need to do is stop pushing us away when you don't know what to do. We're here to help you."
Tigress was very comforted by Po's words. But only one thing remained.
"But the rest of the Five are…" Tigress looked down in shame. "...all afraid of me."
"What!? No, no, we're not afraid of you." Po smiled mischievously. "We might be a little scared when you're angry, though."
Tigress eyes looked back up at Po and a slight growl escaped her throat. Po's eyes darted away.
"Okay, it was a bad joke. Still though, you're our friend. You're my friend." Something in the way Po said "my" made Tigress very happy. Now knowing what she needed to do, Tigress felt a new surge of confidence within her. She also felt a surge of something else, too. She yawned a very real yawn, exposing her sharp fangs.
Po took the opportunity to make a joke he would most likely regret. "Looks like the kitten's getting sleepy." Immediately, Tigress' eyes snapped open and glared back at Po, a much louder growl coming from her throat. A stranger might guess that she was about to disembowel him, but Po only smiled. He got up and started running down the stairs with all his speed. As he made it down the stairs, he knew he couldn't outrun Tigress, and would inevitably be caught. He was looking forward to that moment.
As Po heard the quick steps of Tigress behind him, he thought to himself, "Well, she's opening up already!"