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It was a windy and gray October evening. Despite it being autumn, the air felt a bit humid, indicating a storm was looming on the horizon. Labor Day’s festivities had just finished a few weeks ago, and most of the food stands that usually light up the boardwalk at Coney Island were now closed, with only a couple of places still serving the public, a clear reminder that winter would soon be here. Despite the slow scene, a few people around the boardwalk made the place less deserted. Some families were walking around with their small children. A group of teenagers were huddled together by the fence separating Luna Park from the rest of the boardwalk, cigarettes in hand. A couple of people were walking their dogs. Just a typical Saturday evening in Coney Island in mid-October.
Jungkook took a seat on one of the many empty benches scattered across the boardwalk. Back resting against the fence and facing the boardwalk. The breeze coming from the ocean behind him, softly ruffling his hair. Although Jungkook had been back in the city for a few weeks, he purposely decided to come to Coney Island as summer was making its way to autumn. He would tell others that he disliked the bustling crowds of tourists and locals, along with the muggy air of late summer. But Jungkook had known that the real reason he did not like coming to Coney Island anymore during the peak of summer was because of him.
It had been three years since Jungkook and Taehyung had parted ways. He learned that Taehyung had accepted the job transfer to Chicago not long after their breakup, while Jungkook had stayed behind in New York. These past three years, Jungkook had managed to have enough on his plate to prevent his mind from wondering about what his ex. But occasionally, when his mind would quieten just enough, thoughts of him and the life they shared would come flowing back to him. On this particular day, with the light breeze blowing through his hair, and the sound of children laughing and running and enjoying the rides in the distance, he could not help to be transported to a few years ago.
The first time he laid eyes on Taehyung, it had been a warm day in late June. School was finally out and like any other teen in town, summers were spent on the boardwalk. The days were still comfortable enough, but the muggy Northeastern summer weather was starting to peek through. Jungkook was playing a few arcade games with his friends when he heard a deep laugh coming from one of the people passing by. Usually he would not pay attention to the sound of laughter coming from the outside world; after all, he was at a place where the sound of laughter was everywhere. But Jungkook could not help but instinctively look away from the arcade game and onto the crowd passing by outside the game area. His eyes locked with a pair of warm brown ones that were slightly in a half moon shape, as their owner was still laughing at some unknown joke made by his companion. Their eyes locked for no longer than a few seconds, but to Jungkook it felt like an eternity. The boy with the deep laugh could not have been older than seventeen or so. He did not immediately recognize his face, and a handsome face like his would be one Jungkook would surely recognize anywhere in the world, so it was probably one of the many people from the other boroughs who would visit Coney Island in the summer. Jungkook forced himself to return his attention to the arcade game in front of him. When he looked up, the handsome stranger was gone.
The rest of the time there, Jungkook and his two friends, spent some time walking around the pier and filling their bellies with hot dogs from Nathan’s. Jungkook’s eyes kept darting around, looking for the handsome boy from earlier. At one point his friends’ girlfriends joined them. Jungkook joined his friends on one of the rides, but excused himself for the second one in order to give the two couples some alone time. He was on his way back to the arcade area when he heard two people speaking in Korean. Jungkook instinctively turned to where he heard the voices and spotted the handsome stranger talking to a girl standing near the restrooms.
“I’m sorry Tae, but suddenly I don’t feel well. I shouldn’t have eaten that. I’m still not used to heavy American food.” The girl said. “Are you sure you will be ok on your own?”
“Noona go ahead. I’ll head home later. I know which train to take back. I’ll be ok.” The handsome boy, whose name was Tae from what Jungkook could gather, had a voice as deep as the laughter he heard earlier in the evening. He liked it. Jungkook noticed the boy had a camera hanging from his neck.
After more chit chatting the boy, Tae, and his sister parted ways. Jungkook noticed how the stranger seemed to shine just standing there, watching after his sister as she moved farther away. Suddenly the boy turned to look at Jungkook. It was then when he realized he had been watching the siblings’ interaction for far too long.
“Do you always stand there and listen to people’s conversations?” Tae asked in English somewhat amused. “I have encountered a lot of interesting people in New York, but no one has spied on my conversations before.”
“I am sorry.” Jungkook could feel his ears turn red. “It’s just that I heard you talking in Korean and….I got distracted.” A smirk was forming on the boy’s face. “I’m Korean myself so I just got curious I guess. I’m sorry.”
“Oh?” The boy started walking towards Jungkook. “I’m Kim Taehyung by the way. Born in 1995.”
“I’m Jeon Jungkook! I’m a ‘97er. I guess that makes you my hyung” Jungkook did a quick bow. “…but I guess here in the States that does not matter too much.” He added a bit cheekily.
Taehyung just chuckled at the remark. He seemed to find everything Jungkook did very amusing. “I suppose that’s true. My dad was transferred to New York, so we had to move here from Daegu.”
“My family is from Busan but we moved here about six years ago. So this is home now.”
Somehow Taehyung and Jungkook had started walking around Luna Park aimlessly. The crowd of people buzzing around them. Despite their age difference, the two boys clicked almost immediately. Sitting on the pier, and sharing a frozen lemonade, Jungkook learned that they would be attending the same high school in the fall. Due to being unable to finish the school year in Daegu, Taehyung was placed in grade 11th. He didn’t seem to mind too much as that would give him more time before going away for college. Jungkook secretly liked knowing that his new friend would be around for a little longer even if they were not in the same grade.
Taehyung kept laughing at everything Jungkook would say. The younger boy had never experienced this feeling before, but he wanted to do everything possible to keep making his companion laugh even more. At one point, Jungkook grabbed Taehyung’s left hand and dragged him to ride the Cyclone. His new friend seemed a bit reluctant at first, but for some reason he allowed Jungkook to take him there.
“I promise it will be fun!” Jungkook shouted as the roller coaster carts departed. Taehyung just threw a skeptical look his way. Their screams during every drop of the roller coaster were mixed with random chuckling. Anyone looking at the two teenage boys would have guessed they had known each other for a long time instead of this being the first time they had crossed paths.
After getting off the old wooden roller coaster ride and laughing at their photograph by the exit booth, Jungkook dragged Taehyung to play arcade games with him. It was strange being back at the same place where he first spotted Taehyung a few hours earlier, but he couldn’t say he was not excited with how his day had turned out. The entire evening felt like a fever dream and Jungkook was so sure this day would forever be engraved in his memory.
After trying different games, they tried their luck with one claw machine sitting by the corner. A pink bunny keychain had caught Jungkook’s eye and he had spent a good ten minutes trying to catch it only to grow frustrated at his bad luck. After the fourth failed attempt, Taehyung stepped in and took over, hoping to win the keychain for the younger boy. When the claw finally grabbed onto the prize and it seemed like the keychain would finally be Jungkook’s, the little bunny fell down and landed even farther away from where it originally stood. The two boys groaned in frustration, cursing their bad luck.
“I think this means we’ll need to come back here again so I can try to win it for you.” Taehyung calmly stated as they started walking away from the arcade area. Jungkook blushed furiously at these words. Luckily, Taehyung did not notice how red his face was turning by the second. He decided to hold onto that promise that there would be more visits to Coney Island in their future.
The sky was slowly turning pink and purple as the sunset was starting to set in. All the rides were starting to get illuminated by their lightbulbs. The two decided to ride one last ride before heading back home. Taehyung suggested going on the Brooklyn Flyer, a more intense version of the flying swings, so he could snap a few photos of Coney Island from a bird-eye view. Jungkook decided to give Taehyung some space to take photographs, so he took the seat in front of Taehyung’s. The warm summer wind slowly caressing his hair.
“Jungkook- ah! Turn around!” Jungkook looked over his shoulder towards Taehyung, who had his camera pointed at him. He had enough time to send the older boy a shy toothy smile as Taehyung snapped a photo of him.
“To commemorate my new friend.” Was all Taehyung said.
A child’s high pitch scream took Jungkook out of memory lane. He blinked rapidly, refocusing his attention on the present moment. It had been a long time since he had reminisced of the day Taehyung and he had become acquainted with one another. After that fateful day, Jungkook and Taehyung exchanged numbers and met with one another throughout the summer. Jungkook took Taehyung to all his favorite places all over Brooklyn and Manhattan, introduced him to his friends, and always made sure he managed to make him laugh as much as possible. He desperately wanted Taehyung to become a permanent part of his life. He was afraid that once they started school, Taehyung would befriend other people, who would be much cooler and funnier, and Jungkook would be forgotten.
From the moment they met, Jungkook could tell Taehyung’s cool demeanor put him on an almost unreachable level. Even as their relationship progressed and they went from friends to boyfriends, Jungkook always felt as if Taehyung was seconds away from slipping away. Despite his boyfriend always reassuring him that he was his favorite person and no one else could compare; Jungkook was always waiting for the other shoe to drop and that one day he would wake up to Taehyung realizing he could find someone better.
Jungkook looked up and realized he was sitting across from Nathan’s. A bitter smile spread across his face. He was sitting a couple of benches away from the place where he had last seen Taehyung three years ago. Unable to sit there any longer he got up and started walking around aimlessly. But that bench had already triggered memories from that fateful day.
It had been early September. Jungkook’s birthday had been two days earlier. Taehyung had worked overtime again, completely forgetting his boyfriend’s birthday was that day and how they made plans to order take-out and catch a couple episodes of that new Netflix show they had started watching. Jungkook had grabbed a cheesecake on his way back home. He usually did not like to make a fuzz about his birthday, but he had grabbed some candles to decorate his cake. Jungkook waited and waited, unable to get in Touch with Taehyung, until he gave up and went to bed, leaving the cake on their living room table.
Taehyung felt really guilty for forgetting and promised to make up for it by taking him to Coney Island on Saturday. Jungkook was starting to get used to his boyfriend’s constant forgetful ways. He knew he had a big promotion coming up, one that could possibly take them to Chicago, so he was trying to be as understanding and supportive as possible. But a part of him could not help but feel as if his relationship was hanging by a thin thread. The carefree ways of their younger days were long gone. Now they had busy 9 to 5 jobs that took most of their time away; they had to plan dates in advance and discuss grown-up things like paying rent and making sure their monthly bills were taken care of. With each passing day, Jungkook felt as if Taehyung would leave him behind now that they had fallen into a monotonous rhythm.
This change only made him more nervous about every new person his boyfriend would meet or befriend. Taehyung was always the life of the party everywhere he went, and his magnetic personality would always catch people’s attention. The two of them could just be walking around the city and Taehyung would somehow strike a conversation with a random person. In contrast, Jungkook did not like to venture outside his inner circle, was a taciturn and did not enjoy places with lots of people. It really was just a matter of time until Taehyung would replace him with someone better.
“One chili dog for the birthday boy!” Taehyung sat down next to his boyfriend, handing him a hot dog. “Do you want me to grab you a drink?”
“I still have some water left. Let’s eat first.” Was Jungkook’s soft reply. “Do you want to play some arcade games after this?”
“Sure! Anything you want to do today. Today could be the day I can finally win you a nice prize.” Both men laughed at that. It had been a running joke in their relationship how Taehyung had been unable to ever fulfill his promise of winning an arcade prize for Jungkook. Every arcade game they played would yield no results, but Jungkook always held onto the promise of ‘next time’, because it meant there would always be another time for them.
Suddenly, Taehyung’s phone began ringing. He took a quick look at the caller ID and silenced it before putting it away.
“Who was it?” Jungkook managed to ask in between bites.
Taehyung just replied with a curt “No one.”
At this point, Jungkook’s body tensed up. Despite how busy he was at the office and how he would pull an overtime almost on a weekly basis; his boss never bothered Taehyung on weekends. There was only one person who had been constantly reaching out to Taehyung lately.
“It was James, wasn’t it?” Jungkook ventured. Taehyung just ignored the question and focused on finishing his hot dog.
“Why are you still talking to him? You know how much it bothers me…”. Jungkook spat out at his boyfriend. Anger boiling inside him.
“And I have told you many times that James is just a friend. I don’t want to argue about this again.” Taehyung interjected before the younger man could finish his sentence. “Can we please drop this subject?”.
Jungkook would usually stop himself from picking fights with Taehyung in public, preferring to discuss these things in private. But he was still feeling bitter at his boyfriend for bailing on him on his birthday, and now that they were supposed to spend some quality time together, this person had managed to ruin the mood for them. “Yes, just a friend. A friend who has a massive crush on you. Do you see the way he always has to make a snide remark about me? And you just let him.”
“Are you going to start vetoing my friends now?” A very frustrated Taehyung was massaging the bridge of his nose. He sounded tired, but somehow this only made Jungkook angrier.
“No. You know I do not have an issue with you hanging out with other people.” Taehyung just snorted mockingly. “But it is clear this person wants to get in between us. He always reaches out to you when he knows you and I are spending time together and always wants to spend time with you.”
“Jungkook, I have told you many times that James is just a friend. I am not interested in him like that. Can we please drop this now?”
The people around them were now starting to look at them. But Jungkook was seeing red and did not care. “But why can’t you say something and put a stop to his advances? It is almost as if you want to continue disrespecting me.”
“How am I disrespecting you by being friends with him? I already told you nothing is going on. James can have all the crushes he wishes to. That does not mean anything to me.”
“You are disrespecting me by continuing to hang out with someone who clearly wants me out of the picture. If nothing is going on, then why did you say ‘no one’ when I asked you who called?”
“Because I knew you would react like this. It’s always something with you! I’m getting tired of it.” The silence that followed Taehyung’s words was heavy. Even the passerby who were previously paying attention to their argument, started dispersing away.
“I think I’ll stay at a hotel tonight. I am tired of these petty arguments.” Taehyung’s words were like a dagger to Jungkook’s heart. Panic set in, and before he could stop himself, he turned to Taehyung as he said:
“If you are so tired of me, then maybe we should call it quits then. Stay in a hotel if you want. I’ll pack everything for you today so you can stop by and pick it up tomorrow. That way you will never have to deal with any more pettiness and jealousy.”
He did not want to break up. But perhaps when one is feeling insecure and is afraid the love of your life is disappointed in you over and over again, it’s easy to become a coward and run the opposite way. As painful as it was, he could not bear to be the one being left behind. He much rather preferred to remove himself from Taehyung’s life before the other one told him he did not want him in it anymore.
Taehyung did not say anything. He just sat there; eyes fixed on the loose boards under his feet. Somehow the stoic response made Jungkook angrier. He wanted Taehyung to say anything. To fight for them, but this loud silence was all the push he needed to get up from the bench and walk away from him.
Jungkook rubbed his eyes, trying to get the memory off his mind. Perhaps it had not been a smart idea to come down here when he was feeling a bit sentimental. By visiting Luna Park and the pier, Jungkook could not help but feel nostalgic for a time that had long passed. Not only did he miss Taehyung and their relationship, but also all the time he spent here in his youth, being carefree and restless. Life was so much simpler back then.
As the sun continued to set, Jungkook was feeling colder and colder. He made his way away from the chilly ocean front and into the park itself. The lights decorating all the rides were beginning to get turned on, providing an artificial sense of warmth against the October skyline.
Despite all the nostalgic memories, Jungkook acknowledged the breakup had provided him with the opportunity to grow as a person and lover. He realized he had spent so much time and energy placing Taehyung on a pedestal, afraid that he would be left behind to the point that this mindset colored his interactions with his ex. At first it had been easier to put his mind at peace and talk himself out of any insecure thoughts. But the longer the relationship went on and the more distant Taehyung became because of work, the more difficult it was becoming to quieten those thoughts. He briefly wondered in which ways Taehyung may have grown as a person in their time apart.
Suddenly, as if he had summoned the devil himself, he spotted his ex in the crowd. Even if three years had passed, he could recognize that handsome face anywhere. Taehyung’s hair was longer than the last time he saw him, and the bangs softly fell above his eyes, threatening to cover them. But the regal stance was still there. He could have turned around and hide somewhere else or pretend he had not seen him and kept walking. But he was so taken by the sight of the man in front of him, that he was unable to move even if he wanted to. It took Taehyung a few seconds to spot Jungkook back. A look of surprise quickly flashed on Taehyung’s face before being quickly replaced by his usual stoic expression. Jungkook flashed a smile his way and made his way towards the carnival stand his ex-boyfriend happened to be standing next to. Taehyung smiled softly, indicating he welcomed being approached.
Even if things had ended up sourly for the two of them, and the last trace of communication they shared was Jungkook texting Taehyung that his belongings were outside the apartment, packed in boxes, not having seen one another in several years had somehow managed to remove any bitterness that may have remained behind. The two had been close friends at one point, even if they did not work out as lovers, so it would be pointless to try to ignore one another. Seeing as he was the one who had ended things between them, Jungkook tested the waters with a cheeky joke.
“Excuse me sir, are you lost? This area is for residents only.”
“Oh, is that so? Well good thing I will be a resident soon then!” Jungkook was a bit taken back at this
As if sensing Jungkook’s confusion, Taehyung volunteered. “I’ll be moving back to New York next month. Came this week to sign the new lease and get some things going. I’m staying with my parents in the meantime.”
“Welcome back to New York then! Did you miss the pizza that much, huh?” Both men just laughed.
“That was exactly it! Plus, I do not think I could do another winter in Chicago even if my life depended on it. As soon as the opportunity to come back presented itself, I took it and ran with it.”
The two of them began chatting and joking around. They fell back into their usual banter and laidback conversations. After standing in the same spot for twenty minutes, while trying to keep their hands warm, Taehyung suggested grabbing a bite at a local restaurant, since they both agreed they were getting too old to have carnival food for dinner.
Their conversation continued over dinner. Taehyung shared that he had gotten tired of the pressure of the management position he had in Chicago and had requested a transfer to New York at his old department. He confessed that he was a bit worried as to how his old coworkers would react to him coming back, but that would be something to worry about later. Jungkook shared that he had moved out of the apartment they once shared and had moved to a smaller studio not far away from their old neighborhood. They both agreed rent in Brooklyn was getting extremely painful. It was bittersweet to have conversations that felt so familiar yet were so different.
At one point the conversation shifted to their current dating life. They were vague in that regard, alluding to casually dating other people, but neither confirming or denying if they had a relationship they wanted to pursue at the moment. Both understood why the other was reserved about this topic and why they wanted to inquire more about it. And if on cue, pretty soon the dating topic drifted to their own relationship. It was an opportunity to tell one another the things they never got to say and finally get that closure.
Jungkook was the first one to speak up. “I had placed you on a pedestal. There is no other way to say it. Somehow, I put you on this level above me, where I could not compete, and I projected my own insecurities onto you, and your job was to appease them. That kind of pressure was unfair on you.”
“It was not easy having to reassure you constantly, but perhaps if I had been less aloof, you would not have felt so insecure.” Taehyung said over a glass of red wine. “I should have cherished you more. You were such a constant in my life, that I began taking you for granted. I was too focused on work and my own personal goals, that I failed to give you the attention you deserved.”
Jungkook did not say anything, but he felt his stomach do a backflip. It was true that he felt he had chased after Taehyung’s attention during the last year of their relationship, but it had not always been like this. He did wonder how things would have turned out if he had heard those words three years ago.
“I also want to apologize about James.” Jungkook’s attention was back on the man sitting across from him. “You were completely right. He had a massive crush on me. Nothing happened, of course. I was never interested in anyone else besides you.” Taehyung looked into Jungkook’s eyes while the younger man felt this throat go dry. “But I stayed at his place for a few weeks, waiting for the promotion to Chicago to happen, and I realized how oblivious I had been to the whole thing. He really was not your biggest fan.” Jungkook could not help but snort in amusement at this. “He only wanted to be my friend so he could eventually make a move on me. I'm sorry for not listening to you.”
“Well, it was difficult for you to listen when I was acting like a crazy jealous person all the time. I do not blame you.”
Taehyung chuckled. “Even so, I should have considered your feelings instead of dismissing them.”
“You know, that day at the pier, I did not really want to break up with you. I just let my emotions get the best of me and was too embarrassed and prideful to turn around and admit I had made a mistake. It was easier to walk away from you than wait for you to dump me instead.”
“I was not planning on dumping you. I just needed time away to think and that’s why I wanted to stay at the hotel that night. I was under a lot of stress at work, and you were not really helping at that moment.”
“If you did not want to break up, then why did you not stop me then?” Jungkook playfully teased.
“Probably for the same reason you walked out and packed my things that same night.” Taehyung teased right back.
The rest of the night was spent talking about everything and anything. Neither one of them wanted to part ways, but Taehyung’s flight back to Chicago was tomorrow and he needed to head back to his parents’ house to pack.
“I am glad I ran into you today.” Jungkook confessed as they were both outside the restaurant waiting for Taehyung’s Uber to pull up. “It was good to see you again.”
“Likewise. I was not planning on going out tonight but changed my mind at the last minute. I wanted to revisit that place.” Jungkook did not need to ask what Taehyung meant by that. He had gone there exactly for the same reason.
The Uber pulled up at that moment. Before getting inside the white SUV, Taehyung turned to the younger man and asked him. “Did you change your number?”
“Nope. Still the same one.
Taehyung gave an approving nod. “Good. I shall reach out soon. I will probably be bugging you a lot next month.”
“Fine with me.” Jungkook laughed. “I’ll just block you if you start bugging me too much.”
“By the way, I still owe you an arcade prize. I have not forgotten.”
Jungkook’s smile faltered at those words. He did not want to get any hopes up.
“But by this time next month they will be closed for the season.”
“So? We can always go in the spring.” And with that Taehyung got inside his Uber and disappeared into the night.
Perhaps there was still hope for Jungkook to get his arcade keychain after all. Hope to experience again the mischief and the gift-wrapped city dreams they had shared in the past.