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“I lied to you, that day.”
Ena whips her head away from her laptop to look at Mizuki, who’s laying on their bed scrolling through their phone.
“Huh?”
“On the rooftop. That evening in my first year of high school. You told me you would stay by my side forever,” they don’t look away from their phone, they don’t meet Ena’s eyes, not until she responds with another confused “Huh?”
“Do you remember?” They stare at her.
Of course she remembers. She planned on keeping her word as well.
“I remember,” Ena replies. It would be hard to forget. She thinks about that afternoon often, the expression that Mizuki wore and how torn they looked when Ena made that dreadful promise.
“I told you I would tell you my secret one day.”
“Yeah,” Ena’s a bit confused. What were they getting at?
“I lied. I was never planning on telling you,” their voice cracked on last syllable.
“But you did tell me, in the end,” Ena stands up from Mizuki’s desk chair and joins them on top of the bed. She picks up their head and rests it on her lap.
“But I didn’t mean it. I never wanted to tell you.”
“Then why did you do it?” Ena works on keeping her voice low and steady, as she runs a hand through their hair. They look at her, their eyes glossy and smile strained.
“I don’t know. I owed it to you, that’s for sure, but I was never going to do it.”
“Why didn’t you want to?” Ena asks as she slowly reaches for their hand. They don’t pull away and allow her to take it.
“Do you remember what you said in particular? ‘I’ll wait forever if I have to.’ I thought if I never told you, you would stay with me forever,” they can’t hide the sob that rips through their throat, “I’m selfish, aren’t I? I just wanted you all to myself, without ever giving anything back.”
Ena takes their head off her lap and lays down next to them, wrapping her arm around their body. She uses her free hand to hold theirs again.
“Mizuki,” Ena rubs her thumbs against their hand, “but you did tell me. You changed.”
“You,” they try to control their breathing, “you promised yourself to be a better person for my sake. You learned to wait for me. I never gave you anything like that in return.”
“Yes, you did,” she shuffles closer to them, sneaking her head into the crook of the neck.
“You told me what was bothering you. You let me in. You changed as well.”
“It’s not enough. I didn’t give you anything. It’ll never be enough. I’ll never be enough,” they mumble. Ena lets go of their hand (which Mizuki makes an upset noise at) and runs it through their loose hair.
“You’re still growing. It’s not over just yet. We both still have space to grow.”
“Why are you so nice to me?” They ask, but Ena’s not sure if they really want a response. Just another dip into their pool of self loathing.
“I love you, dumbass,” and she means it. They are a dumbass.
“But why? ” They choke out, a sniffle following shortly after.
“Because you’re a wonderful human being? I’m not sure what I’m supposed to respond with. I just know that I do.”
Mizuki doesn’t respond. Maybe that was a little too much.
“I trusted you, that night,” Ena takes a breath, “that you would eventually tell me. I knew that trust wasn’t misplaced. You’re a good person, Mizuki.”
They hum and push their body closer to Ena’s. She closes her eyes and just lets herself rest with her girlfriend.
“You’re the only person I think I’ve ever fully trusted,” Mizuki breaks the quiet.
“I’m honored to be,” Ena mumbles back. When did she get so tired?
“You better be!” They joke, but then return to a softer disposition, “you said you would stay, and well, you did.”
“Mm, yeah. I meant it. That’s not changing anytime soon,” she responds, thinking about the small box she has stored away in her sock drawer. Now’s not the time, she berates herself, but her mind doesn’t help but linger.
“I hope so,” Mizuki smiles into her neck.
“No need for hope, I have evidence to back me up. You're stuck with me.”
“There’s no place I’d rather be, Ena.”