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“Thank you, Ori,” Balin said to his apprentice, smiling jovially.
He waited until the door closed behind Ori and he was left alone in the library before dropping his smile. Balin sighed and shook his head. In his long life he had been trained to face anything. Being a teacher? Easy. Raising Dwalin? Challenging but possible with bribes and a touch of friendly wrestling. Dragon? Definitely not easy but surprisingly survivable with some luck. Exile? Difficult but nothing which couldn’t be solved with determination dwarfs were so famous for. Serving kings of the Durin’s line? It required more patience and loyalty than he had predicted but Balin was nothing if not exceptionally patient and loyal. The current situation, however, proved to be the trickiest he had ever had to face.
Apparently the current ruler of Ered Luin and rightful heir to the throne of Erebor was currently courting his own young nephew.
Balin couldn’t begin to count the ways how this was very wrong but let’s start with the fact that Kili was a male. It’s not exactly a rarity for a male dwarf of any status to take male lovers. Indeed, there were a few households in Ered Luin which consisted of two dwarfs of the same sex. However, those with higher social and economic status tended to keep their lovers on the side and never acknowledge them formally and legally, owing to the fact that they’re expected to produce heirs. Thorin was one of those respectable dwarfs. While Fili had been formally declared as his heir a couple of years ago, there was still some expectation that he would one day take a wife and produce an heir who was directly descended from the king. In fact, there were proposals of varying degrees of subtlety from lords offering their daughters to Thorin. He had always rejected them, however, citing duties as a reason to be unfit for marriage. But now it appeared that he had been lying and hiding something all along.
Then there’s Kili’s age. Balin’s head throbbed when he thought of Kili’s age. The lad wasn’t even an adult yet! Yes, he would be an adult within a couple of years. And, yes, he had travelled a number of times as a guard and proven himself a formidable (if rather reckless) warrior. He was also quite proficient in the smithy… provided that he wasn’t asked to make anything which required prolonged concentration. But, he was legally still a minor! Yes, it occasionally happened that minors court or being courted and then sometimes even wed, but Thorin was a king and was expected to set an example. Courting a minor was not very exemplary. The age limit was set to protect minors’ futures. Which begged the question: Did Thorin take advantage of Kili’s youth? Kili had always worshipped his uncle and was clearly Thorin’s favorite. Did Thorin use these facts to influence Kili to take his offer of courtship? Balin could easily imagine Kili being blinded by his admiration to his uncle and immediately agreed to being courted without a second thought for his future. But that was assuming that Thorin was the one at fault in this situation. What if Kili was the one who wanted it? Thorin rarely refused him anything, after all. Not that it mattered. Thorin was the adult and should be held responsible for the situation.
Balin pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought of how Middle Earth would react to this news. Outrage was bound to happen. Balin imagined their close relatives were already penning strongly-worded disapproval on the courtship or even preparing to meet Thorin himself to personally tell him their opinions. Balin winced. That wouldn’t go well. He should assign Dwalin to restrain Thorin when these poor souls made the terrible decision of disagreeing with him. Some would probably find this courtship ridiculous and in Balin’s opinion that was worse. Despite their exile, Durins had enough influence to silence protests but Balin didn’t want people to look down on his king due to his poor choice for a lover.
This courtship must be ended immediately. There would be some shame, but it was better than the alternatives of facing disapproval and mockery from the entire Middle Earth. How to best approach this matter, though? Balin hummed thoughtfully. He considered himself a good friend of Thorin and could appeal directly to him. However, talking to Thorin about the possibility of ending the courtship would almost definitely end unpleasantly if not violently. Balin sighed. More than a strain of madness, the strain of stubbornness was strong in their family.
It meant only one thing, then. Balin left the library, looking for the world as if he hadn’t just received shocking, potentially politically devastating news. He didn’t rush and instead took his time to think of what he should say. This was a delicate matter, to say the least, and he had to do it right. Now, Balin was actually familiar with the process of matching two dwarfs for courtship or even being a chaperone for two courting dwarfs-it had been through him that Dis met her husband. However, breaking a courtship would be a first for him and, in his understanding, there’s really no good ending to it.
Dis didn’t look surprised when she opened the door to Balin. She seemed to immediately understand what he’s there for and gestured for him to enter. Of the three (now sadly two) siblings, Dis had been the most intelligent, reasonable, and capable and Balin often regretted that ancient laws forbade her from inheriting the throne. At the very least, she wouldn’t get lost finding her way to the throne room.
“Dis!” Balin greeted, smiling widely. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”
“I’m well, thank you,” Dis replied, smiling politely. “But I don’t suppose you’re here for me.”
“Ah, no. I’m afraid not,” Balin admitted, a little ashamed that he couldn’t maintain a polite chat for at least a while. “Is Kili home?”
Dis nodded, looking resigned. “Please have a seat. I’ll call him.” She paused just before she left the sitting room and turned back to Balin. “I hope you’ll have better luck than me.”
Well, that’s worrying. If headstrong Dis was unable to change her son’s mind, what hope did Balin have? Still, he had to at least try. Balin took a deep breath, summoning the determination which had been suppressed after years of dealing with a brother who seemed to prefer wrestling (and occasionally growling) as a method of communication.
“Mister Balin!” Kili greeted as he entered the living room, all bright smile and no hint of suspicion. “What a surprise!”
“Kili,” Balin returned with a friendly nod. He waited for Kili to sit down. He nearly made a face when the ceremonial blade clanged against the wooden chair but managed to control his expression. “I heard you have good news to tell.”
Kili grinned widely. It wasn’t a proper reaction (a demure smile and a hint of blush were preferable, though if Kili were to do that, Balin would ask Dis to call for healers and see if he had knocked his head) but it was genuine. “So you’ve heard about the courtship?”
Balin nodded. “News travels fast, especially those of this nature.” Balin watched the way Kili gently touched the beautiful ceremonial blade. He had seen it once before shortly after Thorin finished it. Thorin had smiled proudly when Balin complimented it craftsmanship and told him that any dwarf who received it was very lucky indeed. The possibility of the lucky dwarf being Dis’s son hadn’t even crossed his mind then and it really shouldn’t ever cross anyone’s mind. “I must admit I’m a little surprised. You and Thorin have always been close but I didn’t notice this at all.”
“There’s nothing to notice,” Kili said, shrugging.
Balin arched an eyebrow. “He gave no hint of his intention?”
Kili laughed. “No. He suddenly left when we were talking. I thought he was angry with me! I didn’t expect him to return with his ceremonial blade!”
Well, the good news was apparently the courtship was sudden and wasn’t preceded by any questionable or illegal actions. The bad news was apparently Kili thought that it was perfectly all right to accept the blade with no prior understanding of where they stood. Yes, Thorin was a perfectly good dwarf, if prone to bouts of shouting and brooding. But they should’ve at least established that they’re interested in each other and in a future with each other. Balin shook his head. Courtship lecture wasn’t why he came here.
“I’m happy for you!” Balin said, feigning a delighted grin. “I didn’t expect-ah, but it doesn’t matter now! I’m glad for the both of you!”
When Kili’s eyes glinted with curiosity, Balin was pleased. “What did you expect?”
“It’s not important. It is done, after all. What people expect hardly matter now.”
It’s cruel, but Balin was satisfied to see concern growing on Kili’s face. The lad wasn’t a fool-he understood politics quite well-but it seemed that in the shock of the courtship he had forgotten that there’s more in the world that he and Thorin.
“It always matters,” Kili said. There was a trace of hesitation in his voice, perhaps knowing this wouldn’t be pleasant information.
“Well, if you must know,” Balin began. “This is long before you’re born. In the past, Thorin was inundated with invitations from various lords who wanted to introduce him to their daughters.”
“He still receives those,” Kili interjected, sounding more confident. “He’s always refused them.”
“Well,” Balin said slowly, waiting for the implication of that one word to sink into Kili. “Actually in the past he accepted some of the invitations. There were many of them, more than today-he was second in line to the throne, after all-and very few passed the sorting.” Balin paused, shaking his head as he recalled watching Thorin’s mothers and Balin’s mother discussing these young ladies and their prospects. It’s not done out of malice, but out of dedication to Erebor. “They had to be the most intelligent, most beautiful, most talented in one craft or another, most courageous and strong, most kind and loyal, and, in short, most perfect to be the future queen of Erebor and mother of Durin sons. There weren’t many of young ladies of Thorin’s age who satisfied the strict criteria, but there were a handful who did. He met them regularly to see if anyone’s a match for him. He rarely met anyone but his closest relatives so he loved going to those meetings.”
“Did he choose anyone?” Kili asked. The strain in his voice indicated that Balin’s intention hadn’t missed its mark. It was perhaps cruel to use the mockery and taunts often directed toward Kili but this had to be done for the future of Durin’s Folks.
“They managed to narrow down the number,” Balin replied, not missing how Kili had gripped the hilt of the blade tightly. His eyes were downcast, frowning at the floor, and his jaw tightened as he withheld his emotion. “But that’s all in the past,” Balin added.
Kili glanced up from the floor and smiled half-heartedly, nowhere near the enthusiastic grin he usually had. It seemed that Balin had planted the seed of doubt deeply. “I guess it was,” he said quietly.
Now Balin understood why Dis often complained of being helpless around her youngest son. Balin had thought she was being too lenient around Kili but perhaps there was a good reason behind said leniency. Balin could handle scowls, fruitless threats of violence, and sulking, but he was completely defenseless against the devastated look Kili had now. He felt as if he had just harmed a small animal, which was an absurd feeling to have for a fit young dwarf who skillfully wielded any weapon and once returned home drenched in the blood of a game he had killed alone but too large for him to bring home on his own. Balin had always complained about how difficult it was to watch Dwalin grow up, but he saw now that it was nothing compared to having to face Kili’s sad face.
Balin took a deep breath, trying to hold on to his resolve to break the relationship. “Well, now that Thorin is officially courting you, perhaps you could take some official duties. It would be marvelous to have more assistance. I’m sure Fili would feel the same.”
Kili pursed his lips in response. “I’m not allowed to help with political affairs until I’m of age.”
“Oh, that’s right,” Balin said as if he had just remembered that. “It’s a pity. We could certainly use your help. Thorin’s duties are endless. People expect so much from him and I suspect we’ll be busier now.” Balin glanced at Kili and noted his downcast gaze. Balin nearly apologized but he stopped himself, although he didn’t know how much longer he could stop himself from sympathizing with Kili. “Well, I should go now. I can’t leave work for too long.”
When Balin stood up, Kili followed suit. He walked Balin to the door, still quiet and thoughtful. Balin felt increasingly worse but he reminded himself of the future, of the greater good. In their positions, it’s inevitable to make sacrifices. Kili should learn it sooner or later, though Balin wished he hadn’t learnt it this way. Balin sighed quietly as he exited Kili’s house into the hot day outside.
“Mister Balin,” Kili called out suddenly. “I can’t take any duty but I’ll do what I can to help. Fili often says you need help writing replies, documenting meetings, and so on. I can help if you want. That way I can learn about the duties I will face when I can finally join you and Fili to assist Thorin.”
Balin arched an eyebrow, not expecting the offer. He knew from teaching Kili how much the lad disliked dull administrative tasks, preferring more physically active ones instead. “Laddie, scribal work is enormous.”
“I want to help,” Kili said, determined. “I need to learn and…” He paused, his eyes softening. Balin noticed his fingers tracing his new blade. “Thorin could use some rest. He takes care of all of us but he barely pays any attention to himself. He spends hours in the smithy working as if he were a common blacksmith, then comes home to handle the affairs of our people every day. If there’s anything I can do to help him, I’ll do it.”
It took Balin a moment to absorb Kili’s words, the meaning behind it, the offer he made, the sacrifice he’s willing to make. “Kili…” he started, stunned, but Kili wasn’t looking past his shoulders. Following his gaze, Balin saw Thorin coming toward him. He was still the proud king everyone bowed to but Balin noticed the smile on his face which widened unbidden with every step he took. His eyes were soft, holding deep affection, an expression never before seen on the king. Turning back to Kili, Balin saw the echo of that expression. Balin had never fallen in love in his long life, but he had seen love many times and there was no doubt in his mind that he was once again witnessing it. “I’ll take my leave now,” he said. He studied Kili’s sheepish but delighted expression before coming to a decision. “I will let you know when we need help.”
Balin nodded to Thorin when they passed each other. The old scribe looked back to see Thorin and Kili together. He couldn’t hear what they said but their matching wide smiles and the way they looked at each other spoke volumes of the depth of feelings they had for each other. Balin sighed and made his way back to his office. He still had his concerns for the future of Durin’s Folks and he knew that the best course of action would be to separate the new couple. But perhaps he should give them a chance, see how they would fare in facing the undoubtedly unfriendly world. He had done enough to test them. He only hoped whatever the outcome was it would be the best for everyone. Once again, Balin sighed. He would forego tea and join his brother for at the tavern tonight.