Chapter Text
Never tell lies has one exemption; When deep in your heart you believe, believe that lie can save someone that you hold dear to you great heartache.
That doesn’t mean that you are right.
Exemption on earth doesn’t mean exemption here in heaven.
I’m reminded of that lesson every day of the afterlife.
To make matters worse, my efforts are forsaken, every day Charlie suffers because of me.
To make matters worse, I haven’t learned.
I try to cope, but to nobody’s surprise, it’s all lies.
I don’t love Imogen Heaney, but she loves me.
So what do I do? Well like an idiot that will never learn I tell Imogen that I love her.
Then all that’s left to do is try to believe that.
She’d take the world off my shoulders if it was ever had to move
She’d turn the rain to a rainbow when I was living in the blue
Why then if she’s so perfect do I still wish that it was you?
Perfect don’t mean that it’s workin so what do I do?
I look pass the glass and look at the world, or my world anyway, a wonderful world I cannot reach. Charlie was playing the drums, somethings about your life one earth transfer over after death, and for Char, one of them is playing the drums.
Mine? Mine is the undying love that I have for the angel at the drums. Maybe, somewhere inside him, Charlie might feel the same way about me. I will never get to know what his love feels like now, not after all I’ve done. And it’s all my fault.
I remember that day like it was yesterday, when in fact it was sixty seven years, four months, and eight hours ago. To make matters worse I died two years, one month, and five days ago.
Flashback sixty seven years, four months, and eight hours ago
"Hey there mate, Charlie, nice day at the beach eh?"
I held my breath, "Hey Harry, enjoying the summer sun?”
”Yeah me and Ben are out here with the lads, playing water polo.”
I swear I can feel Charlie shaking, "That sounds fun, came to visit me and Charlie?"
Harry chuckled, "Oh yeah, that reminds me, did I hear you screaming that you love Charlie? Also, you’re boyfriends? I’m certain I missed something, right mate?"
I felt my heart racing, I had to come up with something and quick, "Haha, yeah you missed a lot actually. I was playing around with Charlie congratulating him for finding some who loves him and I was impersonating his new boyfriend telling Charlie it won’t be bro beach for him soon.”
Harry laughed his infamous homophobic laugh, "Yeah, what about the boyfriends thing? Did Charlie like your impression? He wanted more eh?"
Charlie looked at the sand, "Yeah it was funny, and well accurate sounding."
"Yeah, I actually was referring to me and Charlie… ugh we’re both boyfriends to someone, I ugh started going out with one of the Higgs girls…"
Harry seemed to like that answer, "Yeah? There’s they player I know, good on ya mate, you too Charlie. Guess you weren’t chasing after Nick."
Charlie was the first speak, “What, of course not, I swear to God, Nick is as straight as a metal ruler."
"Yeah, you’re right there Charlie, but Nick what do you think about the situation?" Harry asked.
I tried to dance around my words so I didn’t hurt Charlie’s feelings, "We never have been and never will be together, even if I was gay or bi or something, we’re so different, we’d never work."
"Well I guess you’ve got a point, no offense there Charlie, you and Nick are good mates though, at least to be having a bro beach day. I’ve gotta go ref this game, see you lads."
"Alright, yeah, see you Harry."
Charlie didn’t reply.
Once Harry was out of earshot I do the only right thing to do, apologize.
"Oh Char, I’m so sorry about whatever that was, you know how I feel about you…"
"Yeah of course, and I’m sorry too." Charlie says with a half smile.
In the darkest part of Charlie’s mind, unknown to Nick "No, no I really don’t, you say that you ‘really like liking' me, or that you 'really care' but you never once said you love me… not once…"
"Char?"
Charlie looks like he’s gonna cry, "Yeah?"
I grabbed Charlie’s hand and looked into his shining eyes, "We’re boyfriends, you’re my boyfriend, and I am so so glad you are. Forget Harry, focus on me, on us, okay?"
"Okay."