Chapter Text

A fresh start

Arizona takes a deep breath, unable to shake the waves of worry and anxiety that are taking control of her whole body.

The closer the taxi gets to the airport, the harder it feels to let air flow into her lungs. She thinks back to when flying wouldn't make her this nervous and she can't help but feel a little nostalgic. She shakes her head and tries to shake the longing feeling away with it. It's pointless anyway, she can't go back to when she had two functioning legs and used to roller skate through the hallways of the hospital. Those times have been over for a while now. The only time she can allow herself to think about is the future. So she turns to the seat next to her in the back of the taxi, because that's where the future, her future is sitting.

- Sofia? -

Her daughter has remained strangely silent ever since they left April and Matthew's wedding. She refused to change into more comfortable clothes, saying she wants her mama to see her looking like a princess when they land in New York, so she's still wearing that cute white and yellow dress and she looks adorable, all quiet and pensive, with her forehead pressed on the window and her eyes scanning the road. As soon as she hears her mommy whisper her name, those beautiful brown eyes turn to look at her. They are full of love and gratitude, but mostly they are full of hope, which is exactly what Arizona needs right now. She needs to hope that you can always rebuild a life for yourself, no matter how old you are. She needs to hope that New York really is the magical city where anything can happen, just like Callie has been telling her every day over texts or on the phone, ever since she decided to move. She needs to hope that everything will be absolutely fine, that they will all be absolutely fine.

- What is it, mommy? -

- Are you excited to see mama? -

- I am, mommy. Very very much. Are you? -

Arizona hesitates to answer that question and she almost regrets having asked in the first place. She and Callie haven't figured out everything yet. For instance, they are yet to arrange a schedule to decide who gets Sofia on which days. They both tried bringing that up during one of their long conversation over the phone, but they always ended up talking about something else, until they just decided to postpone that conversation. Arizona knows the time has almost come for them to talk about it and she’s willing to make it as smooth and simple as possible, but a little part of her worries that it could come to a fight. She hopes they can just figure out everything as they go, keeping their 7-year-old’s best interest in mind. She’s still worried though, especially because she fears Sofia might misunderstand the events and think her two living parents are getting back together, while the reality is she’ll probably still have to bounce back and forth between the two of them.

But hopefully, with her and Callie living in the same city, things won't be as hard as they used to be for their baby girl. And maybe, who knows, something could change with her and Callie as well…

Arizona can't lie to herself saying she did not think about it once or twice. She has thought about it, she has considered the fact that both of them are single now, that they’ve been having some amazing conversations on the phone and, after what April told her at the wedding, she has decided that, if Callie were up to it, she would be open to dating her again. That’s why, if she could, she would tell Sofia that yes, she is very excited to see her mama again after two years and that she’s excited about her being part of their lives again, but that she’s also afraid and she doesn’t quite know if she’s afraid that the romantic feelings between the two of them might spark back up or that they might not. Of course she can’t tell any of that to a little kid, so she stays silent a little longer and then she tries to ask a different question.

- What about starting third grade and doing that in your old school in New York? Are you excited about that? -

Sofia’s expression shows that she has noticed the sudden change of subject, but, being the sensitive human being that she is, she doesn’t question her any further.

-Yes, mommy, I am so very excited, I can’t wait to see my friend Gina again and you won’t believe it when you see how huge the garden of our school is. First graders don’t get to go on the swings, but from the second grade on we are allowed to, so my friends must have gotten pretty good at it. I thought I would fall back, but then you took me to the park in Seattle and I learnt, so I think I’ll manage to keep up with everyone, don’t you think?

Arizona laughs at the thought of little kids taking swinging as if it were as important as any other school subjects, but she also knows Sofia’s teachers in Seattle and New York have been talking to each other to make sure she wouldn’t fall back in English or Maths, so she goes with it.

- I think you will, but just to make sure we could schedule another training or two in the park before school starts in September. Does that sound like a plan to you? -

- It does, mommy, thank you!

- You know, Sofia, third grade was my favorite year in elementary school. I remember it very well because it was the year my brother, your uncle Tim, got into school with me and he always sneaked out of class to come and play with me. -

She chuckles softly at that sweet memory and she feels her eyes starting to water.

- Mommy, you are crying. -

- It’s okay, I’m okay, Sofia, don’t worry about it. -

She quickly wipes a single tear off her face and looks down to Sofia's inquiring eyes.

- Are you crying because you are sad to leave Seattle? -

- Yes, there's a little bit of that, I guess. -

- I'm a little sad, too, mommy. We have so many beautiful memories here and so many friends. -

Arizona nods. Sofia is right: there are so many things about Seattle that she will miss tremendously. Her job at Grey-Sloan, of course, and all of her colleagues, especially April and Alex, but everyone else too.

She will miss the city: her beautiful and comfortable apartment, the ferry boats, Joe's bar, the park, each and every place has a special place in her heart. It took a while, after Callie left, for her to start loving Seattle again. Every place was hunted by the ghosts of their relationship and they all made her miss Callie too much. But at some point she made new memories and even the old ones didn’t hurt anymore. They were just reminders that love exists and that life can be beautiful when you share it with the right person, even if it’s just for a little bit.

- Is it also because you are nervous about you new job? - Sofia asks again, still wondering about the tears that are now profusely wetting her mom's cheeks.

God, she's so smart.

- Yes, a little bit of that, too. -

- And because you are scared to see mama again. - Sofia adds, knowingly, and this time it is not a question.

Arizona remains silent a couple of seconds, in search of the right words and also attempting not to cry anymore. That doesn't work very well, so it is with a very unsteady voice that she says: - I'm not scared to see your mama, Sofia. She doesn't scare me. I'm just scared that we are going to fight again like last time and you are going to be caught right in the middle of it. I just don't want you to see your mommies fight, because you are my girl and I don't want you to get hurt. -

That's her favorite thing to tell her, "You are my girl". It started a while back, when she was afraid to lose her, when she believed she was nobody to Sofia and that someone was going to take her away from her, and then it just stuck. It's a good reminder, though. She's her girl. And that's why she's doing all that, for her, for nobody but her.

- Mommy, you only fight because you love me so much. I don't like it, but I know there's a very good reason to it, and I'm lucky to have two mommies who love me this much. Many people only have one, Zola only has one and she doesn't even have a dad. I'm lucky. -

Speechless, Arizona leans forward and hugs her tight, very tight. Sofia is her personal teeny tiny human and she's never letting her go.

- Here we are! - the taxi driver says ten minutes later, stopping the car and turning around to look at Arizona, who’s still holding Sofia in the tightest of hugs. 

After having sorted everything out with him and having taken their luggage from the back of the car, mother and daughter are left there, hand in hand, standing in front of the entrance of the airport. And in that moment Arizona realizes that, apart from being anxious about flying, she isn’t scared anymore. Their family is getting back together, no matter on what terms, they are getting back together and she and Callie have grown so much that they are finally setting aside everything that went down between the two of them to make space for what’s best for Sofia. There’s nothing to be scared of. This was the right decision and, now that she knows, she doesn’t cry anymore. She smiles and it might be the first time in a long time that she boards a plane with a smile on her face.

The plane is small though and that's not very nice. Small plane means a lot of turbulence and that means very soon she's going to bite her tongue so hard it will bleed. She texts Callie to let her know the flight is departing on time.

We are on board. See you soon.

It takes her less than a minute to answer.

You'll be fine, I promise. Squeeze Sofia's hand if it hurts.

She finds herself smiling again because, even after all this time, Callie still knows the phantom leg symptoms always show up when she's flying.

- Mommy, do you want me to hold your hand? Mama said you might like that. -

Sofia is putting her phone away and she's smiling too. She seems happier than she's been in a while.

- That would be very nice of you, Sofia. -

She takes Arizona's hand in her little one and shortly after the plane takes off.

Arizona looks out the window, feeling very emotional.

She's really doing it, she's leaving it all behind, she's leaving Seattle behind.

The city where she met Callie.

The city where she had a daughter.

The city where she got married.

The city where she trained Alex.

The city where Mark died.

The city where she lost her leg.

The city where everything fell apart, but also the city where piece by piece she put it all back together.

The city where she became a fetal surgeon.

The city where she and April became best friends.

The city where a piece of her soul will always be.

She leaves it all behind and finally faces the truth.

It's time to start fresh.