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"-couldn't tell if I fell out. But now I know, a day before our wedding, after I've tried so desperately to not fall out, I can't be in love with you because I fell in love with someone else," Dream read through his letter over and over, seeing what he could change to make it better.
"Time has passed since we made our promise, and I realized only recently that I'm not breaking our promise to do-"
"Dream." He was interrupted. He hadn't heard the door to his shared bedroom open. "It's getting late, and you've been writing all day. I think whatever you have down will do what you want it to, we should get going, so we can leave without running into anyone."
Dream kept sitting and staring at the letter in his hand until he felt arms wrap around his shoulders and chest. He dropped his letter and reached for the hands above his heart with his own. He leaned back, neatly tucking his head under his lover's chin.
The two stayed like that for a moment before Dream leaned forward and stood up. "Let's go, Techno. Let me just seal this in an envelope first."
Techno nodded, exiting the room as Dream picked up a clean, white envelope off the corner of his desk. Smiling to himself as he neatly folded the letter in, he cleared his mind of the worry that laid behind it.
He didn't want to leave on bad terms, but he couldn't go forth with a marriage he promised to do if he didn't love someone else because he did love someone else. He picked up the envelope and followed suite to Techno's lead, leaving the room but shutting the door softly behind him.
Techno was putting his boots on in the kitchen, and he looked up at Dream when he entered the foyer. "Ready to go?"
Dream gave a simple nod as his response.
———————————
Dear George,
Tomorrow is supposed to be our big day. Ours. I hate to do this, but I can't go through with it because my heart isn't where it should be. I tell you I love you every day because I do. I tell you I love you back when you say it to me because I mean it. I love you, George. I love you and would give you the world, and I was planning on giving you my life regardless of my own feelings, but I can't.
My 'I love you' holds a different meaning than yours does to me. I love you, yes. But my love is like the love of a friend. The love of a brother or a family member. Of course, it hasn't always been.
Ten years ago (well, ten years ago tomorrow technically), we made a promise. We said if we weren't married or in love at age thirty, ten years, we would marry, so we wouldn't die lonely. Of course the lonely part was a joke since we would've had each other and Pandas until the ends of time even without our marriage (except Sap went off and married Karl and Quackity, but that's not important here).
Time has moved quickly in this past decade, and I can't help but think I've been through every bit of love hardship that I want to go through in my life. I said earlier that my 'I love you' once meant the same that yours means now to me, and I wasn't lying. Nine years ago, I fell in love with you.
You were a dream, my dream even though I am Dream. Your laugh is contagious, and your smile lights up rooms and makes me happy. But you didn't reciprocate those feelings at the time. I flirted with you unto no end. I made jokes and suggestive ones to hint to you that I might've fallen for you, but you never picked up my lead. Time passed, two years actually, of me chasing after your affection and trying to get you to love me. But I decided that as long as you didn't fall in love with anyone for the years to come, you'd be my end game anyways.
So with only seven years until we were thirty, I took my shots with Wilbur. Wilbur Soot. He still is near perfection even now. He's an honest worker, a musician, and one of the most talented people I'll ever know. His kisses were hot and sweet, they left my lips feeling numb and my mouth with a candied taste. But Wilbur wasn't-isn't who I was or am looking for. Wilbur was beautiful and amazing, but not the person I was looking for.
We had six years left and I took a break from the ins and outs of falling in love until we only had four years remaining (even trying to woo you a few of those months in between), and I tried my go at Fundy. Now Fundy is someone you don't get tired of. I genuinely fell in love with Fundy without thinking about our contract at all, and he seemed to be perfect. After two years and countless dates, he proposed. We were going to be married.
And I think I could've been happy with Fundy. I never would have been fully satisfied in a life with him, but I think I could've kept myself happy with him. He was cheerful and hyper, constantly excited and he would make life very colorful. But obviously, you know what happened there.
Two years ago, at my wedding with Fundy, you interrupted and swept me away behind a pillar. You kissed my lips and told me that it turns out you were in love with me without knowing it before pressing your lips on mine again. Of course, why would I push away. You were the one I chased for so many years of my life and were meant to be my endgame, but as soon as I heard the voice of my then fiancé, I couldn't not push you away. I ruined myself with you in that moment I believed when I distanced myself, but I'd already torn myself away from Fundy.
But my chances with you weren't over in the slightest. You'd told me you loved me and after heavy consideration, I returned to you with only a year and a half until we were to be wed by contract.
However, we decided to keep our space to try new people until our year and a half was up. Only a quarter of a year went past me when I met someone I never knew I needed.
George, my life would be complete with you. I could be happy and contain my satisfaction if I tried hard enough. The games we play and the fun time we have make up for my constant thirst for something new. But you aren't enough when I have what I have now.
I've kept it a secret from you because we technically aren't in a relationship. We aren't dating and just following a contract to be married. But you are actually in love with me, but you are years too late it seems. I wanted you for so long. I still want you, but not how you want me. I was in love with you years ago, but I'm not anymore. I fell in love with someone else, and I truly cannot go through with our wedding tomorrow knowing I'd have to push my true feelings away.
In a relationship, love is supposed to be felt the same way on all sides, but I can't love you the way you love me because that love is already ensnared by someone else.
I've pretended to be in love with you for as long as I possibly could. For the longest time, I decided that I still was in love with you. That I fell in love with you and couldn't tell if I fell out. But now I know, a day before our wedding, after I've tried so desperately not to fall out, I can't be in love with you because I fell in love with someone else.
I fell out of love with you years ago, and I'm sorry I can't do anything to stop it.
Time has passed since we made our promise, and I realized only recently that I'm not breaking our promise to do this. Because our promise was to get married if neither of us were married or dating or in love at age thirty. But even if we are supposed to be getting married tomorrow, if we did, I'd be breaking the promise. Because I am in love.
I'm in love with a man who makes life as interesting as he makes it competitive. He makes me happy, and somehow satisfies my constant thirst for newness because he is constantly changing. We spar, and we dance a deadly death because we trust each other and always change. Always move. I love him in a way that I no longer love you or any of my past 'lovers' that I've had.
I'm sorry, George, but if we got married, our promise would be broken because I love someone. I can't marry you, and I'm sorry. I'm escaping to the Arctic areas, and I can ask you not to seek me yet. I need time, and most of all space. We've split ways for a while before, let's do it again.
You won't be in love with me forever if I'm not in love back, so fall in love with someone else. Find someone new and exciting to spend your life with because we will have our lives together. Just not as lovers, as friends. Best friends.
Thanks for everything, and I'm sorry for this. I love you, and I'm sorry it can only be as your friend. See you in a few months.
Formerly yours,
Dreamシ
George clenched his right fist, as the tear smudged letter was held tightly in his left. "I only wanted you. For so long, but I was so much better at hiding it than you."
He whispered into the dead of the night. He had been awoken to the sound of knocking, rushing out to see two silhouettes riding away on a steed towards the moon, with only a letter left in their wake.
That's how he found himself crying, broken-hearted, reading a letter under the stars with the dim flashlight of his phone. He laid on his back in the yard he was supposed to begin sharing tomorrow. Supposed to share with the person he used to lay down and stare at these same stars with.
Memories came back to him of years in the past when he and Dream would lay down in the grass and stare at the stars for hours, tracking the movement of the moon and pointing out constellations. Seeing the stars making up the constellation of Leo, George only felt more alone.
"I wanted you. I still want you. But I can't say that anymore because you don't want me, you haven't for a long time. But I still want you, I wanted you."
He had no one next to him to give him a lime green hoodie in the shivering cold, no other presence to share body heat with. His best friend, his now ex-fiancé, not there with their bodies pressed closer together than quite what was necessary.
He could hear the slow patter of droplets of salty water dripping from his eyes onto the soft grass next to his ears. The wind tossed and leaves were being rustled in a far away distance that he couldn't seem to identify. Sleep was a long way away, even if it was now very early morning rather than very late night.