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Diluc hated going to sleep.
Ever since he started using that delusion that killed his father, he was tormented by constant nightmares. From painful memories, too hard for him to move on from, to the many fears he had for the future, every bad dream he had was a different kind of torture.
One thing that every single nightmare had, though, was that... that thing that resembled him yet hated him with a passion, that always took pleasure in his suffering. Every single night, that monster that tried to imitate his own appearance… It blamed him for everything that happened, reminded him of every mistake he had made, and attempted to kill him in his dreams.
He once thought that maybe that was what he truly deserved. Perhaps that was his punishment for all the crimes he had committed, for all the atrocities he had made with his very own hands. He wasn't a good person, so it was only fair that the wings of retribution hit him like that.
But after returning to the homeland he left behind, everything started to change.
That strange traveler that crossed paths with him by chance… They helped him on multiple occasions and made him realize that, perhaps there was still room for him to change, to improve.
Perhaps he wasn't as unredeemable as he once thought.
As time went on, it looked like he was finally getting ahold of his own life. He met new people, forming new relationships with them. He was also attempting to make amends with his brother, now bitter and distant because of his blind rage. And now he even tried to have a… healthier sleep schedule.
After years of never-ending grief and ungodly sleep hours in fear of being tormented by his own mind, those nightmares seemed to finally end.
Keyword: seemed to.
One night, as he fell asleep in the comfort of his bed, it appeared again. That twisted reflection of himself was standing a few metres away from him in a dark room as pitch-black as the mask and cape it was wearing. Its unsettling magenta eyes were glowing and a wide grin was plastered on its face. Yet this time… this time it seemed to be rather playful than malicious.
"Long time no see, 'me'."
Diluc stayed on guard. What the fuck did it want now? The shadow just sighed as it got closer, that stupid grin still drawn on its face.
"Come on, I'm not going to hurt you this time." It purred as it moved around Diluc like some sort of mischievous demonic cat, its long, ebony cape oscillating like sinuous shadows. "Can't I have a nice little chat with myself?" It teasingly said as the one it called 'its other self' looked at it, wary of every single action it did. Why the fuck was it talking as if they both were…
"... What are you? What do you-"
"I am you." It interrupted him. "To be more specific, I'm the manifestation of the depths of your psy-"
"Don't try to pull such a cheap trick on me. It won't work." He then cut bitterly, trying his best to not let his fear slip up by attempting to put on a hateful facade. "What do you want from me now?"
The shadow in front of him stayed still for an instant, silent. But after a little while he let out an almost mocking laugh.
"Sharp as ever, aren't we?"
Diluc backed away as the shadow got closer to him in a slithering motion, untrusting of that thing that did nothing but drive him insane. Once again, as if it could read his mind, it simply sighed.
"I know, I know… you can't trust me after all of the many nightmares I gave you and the many times I made you cry, yada, yada, yada." It remarked with an annoyingly condescending tone. "But this time I promise, promise not to hurt you in any shape or form. And well, we both know just how much you despise lies, right?"
Diluc sighs annoyed yet defeated. He really didn't have any other choice, didn't he? He was trapped in a deep slumber he couldn't wake up from, and it didn't seem like that twisted reflection would stop pestering him until it got what it wanted. Which, in this case, seemed to be his attention.
The shadow trimmed itself up a little before speaking up, slightly fixing its black cape and mask.
"I just wanted to congratulate you for coming thus far."
Diluc's eyes widened in confusion upon hearing that. What the hell was going on? The shadow just looked at him with its pink eyes, once sly and haunting but now more... gentle, perhaps?, which ironically made it look more out of place for Diluc. It then took a deep breath (did that thing even have any lungs?) before speaking up again.
"You still remember, don't you? All those bad dreams I gave you, all those times I blamed you for your father's death, for your fallout with your brother, for everything that has ever happened to you." It stopped again. Diluc then noticed… his reflection dropped its mocking grin and changed it for a more serious, thoughtful expression. That was the first time Diluc saw it like that. "I… I did all of this because, deep down, that's what your deepest thoughts of yourself were." Diluc stood there, still confused as that shadow looked at him apologetically.
It almost looked sad as it spoke.
"You… you hated yourself so much, wanted to die so badly that I just… I just tried to give you what you wanted the most, tried to fulfill your deepest desire." A bittersweet laugh came out of its mouth. "I remember when you were at your worst. My appearance… It became one more akin to a horrendous creature, because you ended up deeming yourself as a monster that could only destroy." A tired sigh. "I'm… I'm not saying anything you don't know, aren't I?"
They both stood in silence for a while, a silence needed for Diluc to process everything. Even if he hated to admit it in front of that strange reflection of his... it was right. A sudden giggle interrupted his thoughts. It almost seemed planned out, as if it knew how he would react, when to make him focus on it and when to let him rest and take all that information in.
"But that changed, for better."
He noticed how that pitch-black dungeon that was his mind was gradually changing, becoming slightly brighter. Now he could see that stage that his mind put up for this encounter: a small empty room covered in burnt and torn red velvet, remains of chipped lead chains scattered all around the floor. It looked like a shallow, ruinous version of what he once called his bedroom, when he was still a happy, naive child.
"Ever since you got back to Mondstadt, things are slowly starting to get better, aren't they?" A hint of pride could be seen in its magenta eyes behind the ebony mask it wore. "You've managed to meet and befriend other people and you're trying so hard to fix relationships you broke in the past, to… to redeem yourself." A quiet yet amused huff escaped from its lips. "You've even got yourself a pretty, loving and caring partner that understands you and will love you no matter what… What else is there to ask?"
The shadow got closer to that man until it was standing just in front of him. Upon seeing his shocked face, it chuckled a little.
"This… Perhaps this has changed you, don't you think?" Diluc looked, still puzzled. The shadow just smiled at him once again. "Your views on yourself. They changed after feeling genuinely cared for after years of self-inflicted loneliness." It looked away from him for a few seconds. When it faced back at him, that black mask it once was wearing was nowhere to be seen, its face identical to Diluc's, now revealed for him to see.
Diluc didn't want to acknowledge it before. He didn't want to acknowledge the way it always referred to itself as if they both were the same person, he just wanted to keep thinking this was just a delusion created by that deadly artifact, a way to slowly drive him insane. Yet now that he saw it closer, now that he saw just how identical they were, he couldn't deny it any longer.
That monster that fed off his own pain and suffering… it was none other than himself.
His reflection tried to smile a little, an attempt to calm him down. Such a contradictory attitude to how aggressive Diluc had seen it to be years ago, when he wanted to burn everything on his path until his flames of pain and revenge got extinguished for good, until his own life was put to an end forevermore.
"What I want to say is that I… I'm glad." Once again, it took a deep breath, as if it was trying to recompose itself for talking for so long. "I'm glad that you've progressed so much, 'me'. There's… There might still be a long way to go yet but… We'll make it. We'll rekindle that light that was once lost and you'll shine true once again." It closed its eyes once it finished talking. Was that a product of Diluc's imagination or were there really tears in the corner of its eyes?
He felt how his body started to feel weaker, how it felt tremulous. He couldn't understand. Why? Why did his chest start aching so much? Despite that annoying feeling, he tried to stay as still as possible so his reflection wouldn't see him trembling, still refusing to show any kind of weakness despite knowing it would be useless. His other self scoffed with feigned annoyance and swiftly pulled him into an embrace, its cape leaving a trail of shadows behind as it approached him.
"Dumbass." It said, tightening their hug a little. "You know, you should stop trying to hide your true feelings from yourself." Its once confident and teasing tone now seemed to start cracking with that remark. "Just… let it all out, ok? I… I promise you'll feel better afterwards." The one with crimson eyes hugged it back, not being able to hold onto his tears any longer.
"I'm sorry." He mustered as he sank his face to his other self's shoulder. "I'm so sorry." He kept lamenting as he kept crying and crying as his other self kept silent, still embracing him, giving him the comfort he needed, the comfort he unknowingly craved for so long.
Laments and consolation, those were the things that now filled that crimson velvet room. Two facets of that same being kept weeping together, finally releasing all that grief that had been consuming both of them inside out.
But just like any dream, this moment had to last eventually.
"It's… it's time for you to wake up, Diluc." It whispered as it carefully pulled out from that hug. Diluc just looked at it as he lazily wiped out the tears he couldn't shed for at least four years until this very moment. A gentle smile appeared on its face one last time before that dream could end.
"See you again soon, 'me'."
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When Diluc woke up, the wings of dawn had yet to light up the night sky. He sat up from his bed, still a little drowsy from waking up.
A dream, again. But this time… it felt different from other times. Instead of the usual lingering guilt piercing through his chest, now he felt... relieved.
He brought a hand to his cheek, feeling how it was wet. So that dream… A silent giggle escaped his mouth. It was ironic… that same action he did now a few years ago would always end up breaking him more, yet now? It felt like a huge weight was lifted off his back.
As the first sun rays started to gently caress the lands of Mondstadt, Diluc got up from his bed and attempted to dodge all the different documents and artifacts scattered all around the floor of his room to stand besides the window. He gazed at the pink-hued landscape before him, pensative.
"You'll shine true once again."
Those words spoken by his shadow resonated in his mind. Would he really be able to do so? Diluc could just wonder. No… after everything that has happened, there was no way he could go back to being that cheerful knight in shining armor. But maybe, just maybe… he would be able to rise up like a phoenix, to light up the dead of night with an untainted glow he could call his own.
He let out a quiet huff. Perhaps it was going to be a long, arduous way to his goal, but the least he could do now is to try. To fix all that he's broken into pieces… it wouldn't hurt to try, right?