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"I put lens" Taehyung says, his deep voice an enchanting contrast to how adorable he sounds.
Seokjin looks up from his phone. The stylist is straightening his hair. Through the mirror he sees Taehyung.
Taehyung's eyes are bright. His grin wide. His cheeks are bunched up and blushed pink. "Blue!" Taehyung pipes, leaning closer to show the color clearly.
Seokjin watches, hands limp in his lap.
"Are they nice?" Taehyung asks, slightly hesitant.
The staff nods, the stylist agrees with a thumbs up.
Seokjin listens on. He usually listens to everything Taehyung says. Even when the boy isn't talking to him. Even when he isn't talking at all. Seokjin always, always listens.
"Very pretty, Taehyung-ssi," the stylist says before she gets to fixing his hair.
Seokjin wants to say that too. Very pretty, vv. He wants to brush his hair too; not in the way the stylist is doing right now - he'd be tender with those curls; he'd tuck the rowdy strand behind his ear and smile when it would fall back onto Taehyung's pretty eyes.
You are beautiful, vv. Seokjin decides to say. Then immediately decides against it. It sounds too queer. Very strange, Yoongi would comment. That would invite looks and whispers from the others.
It suits you well, Taehyung-ah. That appears good enough. Like any other hyung complimenting his dongsaeng. Nothing weird there. No one's in love or something. Just one member appreciating another.
"Lens suit you so well!" It is Jimin. He gushes over Taehyung.
Seokjin swallows his disappointment. His moment is gone. Now anything he says would seem like a stolen line, like something he is saying out of courtesy and not because he is absolutely enamored by how beautiful Taehyung looks.
"Hyung, you are so handsome. Very cool," Jungkook joins, his stylist furiously dabbing to cover his pimple marks.
Taehyung beams.
Seokjin cannot look away. He cannot speak either. Taehyung got the compliments. He is happy. Seokjin saying anything now wouldn't add to it.
"Hyung? What do you think?" Taehyung asks.
Seokjin almost smiles. Because of how wicked fate is. Because he knows Taehyung isn't asking him.
Hoseok laughs. "Stylish Taehyung!" He cheers. It has Taehyung go pinker, his delight reaching new bounds.
"Jin-ssi," his stylist says. "Close your eyes."
A hard request for Seokjin with Taehyung looking otherworldly. But a good option considering how useless he feels. Invisible, actually.
He closes his eyes, relaxes in the touch of the make-up brush. He imagines a world where Seokjin would've loudly proclaimed his appreciation for Taehyung's beauty. Somewhere where Taehyung would look at him and ask for his opinion. Somewhere where he was allowed to pour his endless love without any qualms.
That. Or somewhere where Seokjin was normal and did not have feelings for his dongsaeng. Yeah, that.
"20 to go!" their manager shouts.
They all hurry towards the door. Seokjin's stylist dabs lipstick on him one last time and nods, seemingly satisfied.
"Positions!" the manager yells as someone starts the countdown to 0.
They all get beneath the stage, kneeling on the platform that would eventually rise up to the crowd.
"Sixteen!" their staff yells.
"Hyung" Taehyung is next to him. His eyes big and very attractive. He doesn't have the blue lens though.
Seokjin raises his eyebrows. That's the best his body can react.
"You are the most handsome," Taehyung says blankly. "Of us. Of all. You become handsome tomorrow."
You get more handsome each day, Seokjin translates tete-language silently.
"Of course, I am!" Seokjin says with a huff. His response is automated. It has been long wired that way in his head. He puts his fists up like in a fight. "Who says otherwise? Is it that ungrateful Jungkook?"
Taehyung smiles and shakes his head. His tucked hair falling back on his face and oh, if only Seokjin had it in him to be brave.
"Twelve!"
"Go to your spot, Taehyung-ah," Seokjin says. "Hurry!"
Taehyung goes and settles between Jimin and Jungkook. He smiles at Seokjin and mouths 'Fighting'.
Seokjin winks at him all while his stuttering heart struggles to find the right rhythm again.
"You should tell him," Namjoon says, next to him, not looking at him. "Hyung - we know."
"What" Seokjin squeaks.
"He is waiting for you," Yoongi, from his other side, speaks, sounding like they are at a beach side cafe and not 10 seconds away from performing a full-fledged concert.
"Seven!"
Seokjin starts to panic. Was he that transparent? And who is waiting for him? Not Taehyung. Not his Taehyung. Or is he?
Seokjin looks at Taehyung as they rise to the stage and catches him looking back at him.
"Zero!"
"Vv" he mutters.
Taehyung blushes before waving at their fans.
Seokjin stands dazed. What does Namjoon mean. What does that mean.
As they shift to their place, Namjoon squeezes his arm. He says, "Hyung. You are allowed to love." He leaves like he did not just pull the ground from beneath Seokjin's feet.
Seokjin stares at the crowd, forces himself to forget everything else but the crowd and the music in his ears. He has to focus.
He does focus. Until they start DNA and Seokjin gets to touch Taehyung, hold his hand, and sing those lines that he always dreamt of singing to Taehyung.
The last part of DNA is when they form a line. Seokjin is too gone in his head to be playful.
But this time Taehyung turns. He turns to face Seokjin, looks at him in the eye before he goes onto lean forward until his head reaches Seokjin's chest.
Taehyung blushes as he straightens again. Cannot look at him anymore.
The lights go out and Seokjin's heart soars while his head airily floats with thoughts.
He reaches out his hand to hold Taehyung's and hears a gentle gasp and a giggle.
"Vv," Seokjin mutters again. "You are beautiful" he says like a prayer.
Taehyung's fingers intertwine with his as they get off the stage. When the light reaches them, Seokjin wonders if what happened in the dark will continue in the light as well.
"Hyung," Taehyung squeezes their hands together. His face his alight, eyes too shy.
"Yeah," Seokjin answers to the unasked question. "Yeah. You," he says stupidly.
What if there is another universe where Taehyung did like him just as much, but Seokjin was too much in his head to notice.
"My room please?" Taehyung whispers before his manager ushers him away.
Seokjin doesn't respond but the way everyone is glancing at him, he knows they know.
He has to grip his palms to stop himself from shaking.
What if this is the universe where he can let himself be loved, where he can let himself love.
"His - his room - " Seokjin stammers when he confirms Taehyung's room number with Jimin.
Jimin's goes moon-eyed and teary - as if he is being asked to be the best man at their wedding. "430"
Seokjin nods. Of course, it is 430. He laughs to himself, probably seeming crazy to the others.
Giddy, he goes to Taehyung's room. Taehyung, his beautiful Taehyung, waiting by the edge of the bed, the apprehension on his face melting away with every step Seokjin is taking towards him.
"Umm. I - it's - do you want to play - " Taehyung babbles nervously. "I mean - "
"I'm sorry," Seokjin says. It is the most honest emotion he feels for him in the moment. To be kept waiting, unsure of someone's feelings is the angst no one wants. "I wasn't seeing."
Taehyung waits, visibly holding his breath.
"Vv, I didn't know it was okay to feel this way for you," Seokjin speaks as he reaches out for Taehyung's hand.
Taehyung is quick to give it. Like he was only holding back all these days because he wasn't asked.
"God I feel so much for you," Seokjin chuckles wetly. "No wonder everyone knows huh. It is so embarrassing!"
Taehyung giggles, his boyish smile melting into a blush. "Yeah, hyung. You aren't that subtle."
"Good that I'm not, no?" Seokjin smiles, pulling Taehyung closer. "Or I would never do this, Tae. Would never."
"Hyung, no matter what our country believes in, you know we are real, right? We can love too," Taehyung says softly. His face leaning forward to rest against Seokjin's forehead.
"Yeah. Yeah, we are," Seokjin chokes slightly on his tears. "And I do. I do."
"Me too," Taehyung whispers, his breath fanning Seokjin's lips.
They indulge in a chaste kiss. Seokjin cannot feel his skin, he starts to have an out of body experience, slightly panicking and a lot of gulping – all that has Taehyung laughing.
That laugh, that sound of music, all for Seokjin.
All that because Seokjin let himself.
It is just that simple in the end – to be allowed.
- End