Work Text:
"Y'ello, Alfred speaking."
"Fedyaaaaaaaa!" whined a high-pitched giggly voice.
Alfred had to hold the receiver away from his ear, frowning at the thing.
"…Ivan? Is this you?"
"Fedya, Fedya, I just watched your film of that king of lions. There are TSARS looking down at me dorogoy, TSARS." Then in a whisper, "What if they saw us doing the dirty thingies?"
Alfred had difficulty figuring out whether he should blush, groan, or laugh hysterically. He decided upon doing everything at once.
"Big guy, are you drunk?" he wheezed, clutching his stomach as he heard the other hum something that vaguely resembled Hakuna Matata.
"Nyet, nyet! I only had ten bottles, is not enough to get me drunk!" Ivan huffed with fake indigence. "But podsolnechnik, I really do not want Yekaterina watching us. It would be sooooooooooooo embarrassing!"
"Vanya, you know it's just a movie right?" Alfred chuckled.
A gasp of horror.
"How can you say that?! Do you not care about little orphan Simba?"
"I do, but-"
"How could you Fedya! I will not date a child hater!"
And with that the call was ended.
Alfred stared at his phone with a look of both shock and amusement. He figured it would be better to try and call him back the next morning.
…
At around 5 AM, his phone went again.
"…Dorogoy? Did I… Did I say anything weird last night?"
"Oh Ivan," Alfred laughed. "You have no idea."