Work Text:
The two young men walked down the pier in silence; making Yutaka uncomfortably aware of how loud his breaths were gradually becoming. He didn’t know why he was feeling so tense, maybe it was because it had been so long since they had gone on one of their little walks together. But it felt as if he was waiting for something, perhaps something he doubted would come.
They came to a halt as they reached the end of the walkway. Yutaka stared at the slow-moving ocean beyond him, his eyes resting on the sight of the evening sun oozing onto the water’s surface.
Here he was. Standing, staring at a mesmerising view of a sunset with his best friend, Taku. It should’ve felt like a normal moment. He failed to understand why he could feel the blood pumping around his body at an abnormal rate. Or why he was trying so hard to keep his head looking straight on at the ocean, why was he so scared to be caught simply looking at his best friend?
It seemed like his lips were stitched together too. There were so many apologies and assurances that he wanted to make, but for some reason he completely lost the courage to speak. Taku bent down and crouched, his eyes also fixed on the sun-lit waves. The silence between the two young men continued. Yutaka couldn’t bear to speak first, which he thought odd since it was only minutes ago that they were talking in the car.
He was sort of waiting for Taku to be the first to say something. But as the seconds died on, and the sound of the sea gently reaching shore seemed to intensity, he gave no sign that he was ready to start a conversation himself. Yutaka wondered if his friend was just as reluctant to speak as he was.
His mouth dropped open a little, in preparation to say something. His brain felt like it was falling apart as he searched for an easy-to-discuss topic to bring up. The amount of unexplained stress and awkwardness he was feeling didn’t help. He just wanted to end the agonising silence.
“I was angry at the time…,” Yutaka nervously started, now feeling the blood in his face warm up. As he heard his own words, he instantly regretted opening his mouth at all.
“…Because I knew you were holding back on my account,” he continued. But what did that mean? What was he even saying? He didn’t understand his own words. He was just speaking for the sake of speaking. Making it up on the spot. Improvising. He quickly found himself wishing he had declined the walk.
When Taku gave no answer, he thought he had to continue talking. But there was nothing to say. He decided to look at his friend for a moment, he was still crouching there, with his silky black hair gently blowing in the coastal wind. His face appeared calm and relaxed, but Yutaka had known him long and well enough to know that this was the face he made when he wanted to look calm, but inside was actually very anxious about something. However, he couldn’t think of a single thing that he could be anxious about at that moment. Perhaps the renunion? Maybe it was something to do with Rikako possibly being there - he had always suspected his friend had a crush on her. He felt strangely empty the day he realised this. And even as he was simply recalling the memories then, those years later, it made him feel oddly defeated. ‘Well, that’s a way I can break the silence once more,’ Yutaka thought to himself.
He took a long and deep breath, in-and-out, as if mimicking the rhythm of the waves that lay before him.
“…I hadn’t noticed until that moment, that you really liked Rikako.” He finally breathed.
A moment passed.
“You..you really are stupid aren’t you, Yutaka?” Taku chuckled, and picked himself up.
“Huh..W-what?!” The other boy stammered in confusion.
“You see, I never liked Rikako.”
A wave of emotion that felt questionably similar to relief washed over him. He had been wrong the whole time! Maybe he was stupid, afterall. Suddenly his nerves seemed to loosen and he was eager to speak and ask questions.
“You never liked her?!”
“How could I? All she did was shout at me and care about no one but herself…I hated her more than I can say with words!” Taku exclaimed with a small laugh, and glanced over at his friend.
“Well..I..I never knew that,” Yutaka said with a smile.
The pair watched the ocean view for several more silent moments, but it was a comfortable, understanding silence.
Until Taku’s words pierced the air once more.
“It wasn’t her that I liked, no,” he began.
The other boy turned his head and looked at him with curiosity.
“It was you.”
Yutaka’s mouth gaped open. He was stiff with shock. Taku had a crush on him? “..was..”, did he still have a crush on him? Was he over him now? Why was he so troubled by the use of past tense? And how come he never knew his best friend was queer? But the most troubling thing to Yutaka was that there was a little part of his mind that was telling him he ought to say ‘I always liked you too’. Had he? Well, he had had a couple of tiny thoughts about it before, but he had convinced himself that they were accidental thoughts. He didn’t mean them. Or did he?
“I..huhh…we-…I..” He nonsensically stuttered, desperate to find words to say in response. He could sense that Taku was feeling far more panicked than even he was, which further pressured him to give a quick answer.
“…You.” He finally said. “…It was…I liked…what I mean is: you were the one that I liked.”
The two young men were now standing facing each other and locking eyes. Yutaka’s breathing was now so heavy it could’ve been described as panting.
“So I liked you…and you liked me…” Taku stated in a soft voice.
Yutaka nodded, and then looked down to his feet.
Was this really happening? He could feel himself blushing. He was so shocked by what he had said, yet it felt so right. Scary and confusing though it was, telling Taku that he had a crush on him felt like a weight off his shoulder, even though he hadn’t realised until he said it. But now his brain was screaming at him to tell Taku another thing; he lifted his head back up, looked into his eyes and opened his mouth.
His mouth soundlessly hung open for a few seconds as he quickly planned the words he was about to say; they had to be perfect.
“Except…I still like you.” Yutaka corrected him.
Taku blinked in disbelief.
“Yes.” He said with a tremble in his voice, answering his friends silent shock.
“Well…I..I…” panicked Taku, “You see…I..urrmmm….Yutaka…I….” He then paused for a moment, “I still like you.”
They blinked at each other.
A cool breeze of ocean wind flowed through their hair.
Taku threw his arms around Yutaka, twisting around his torso.
Yutaka draped his arms around Taku’s back in return.
Their embrace tightened. Every inch of touch their bodies had together felt precious to Yutaka; his hands clenched his pink shirt so tightly he could feel the sweat of his palms sinking into the cotton. His breathing was still heavy. As he dug his nose into Taku’s back, he heard a whisper.
“I love you,” breathed the boy in his arms.
Yutaka’s eyes widened.
“…I love you even more,” he whispered back.
A pause.
“Yutaka?” Came the voice again.
“Hmm?”
“Can I kiss you?”
At these words, Yutaka felt his bodily temperature surge. Every blood cell in his veins was boiling. He was being burnt alive. His face had gone so red that the rest of his body went white. He accidentally let out a small gulp as he prepared himself for his answer.
“Yes,” he replied, “Yes you can.”
Taku lifted his head from his companion’s shoulder, so that their faces were mere inches apart.
Yutaka stared directly into his eyes. He saw a beam of orange light from the sunset reflect in them. He didn’t want to stop looking into them, but suddenly, Taku’s eyelids closed the view.
Yutaka quickly closed his too.
The inches between their faces vanished.
The soft warmth of his lips made Yutaka feel as if he was floating, and the world around them melted into a void of non-existence. The feeling of Taku’s lips slipping through his mouth made him almost dizzy with joy; it was rather overwhelming.
The kiss lasted several long seconds, before they slowly pulled away from each other.
Yutaka couldn’t stop a full-faced grin from spreading across his face as he looked back at Taku, who very quickly returned the smile. Then Taku started to giggle. Out of nervousness or genuine joy, the other boy couldn’t tell, but nonetheless, the laughter was passed onto him like an unusually merry virus. He felt like the happy little moment could last forever; he wanted it to last forever. But it came to an abrupt end when Taku chose to speak once more, “Can we do that again?” He asked, still with a hint of laughter in his tone.
“I…urmm.. y-yes, yes we can,” he hurriedly replied.
As soon as the words flowed from his mouth, he found Taku’s lips crashing into his once again.
It lasted a notable few seconds longer than the last one and still filled Yutaka with the same amount of bliss as before. When their lips departed, the two boys pulled each other some more beaming smiles. Then, Taku took a step backwards so that his hands and arms slid from Yutaka’s torso, and Yutaka’s arms that were previously wrapped around the back of Taku’s shoulder and neck, were forced to give way and return to his sides. “Let’s sit.” Said Taku, and he turned to face the sunset, lowered himself to the floor and crossed his legs. The other boy obediently copied this action.
“Sunset’s are so beautiful, it’s incredible that nature can create such extraordinary things. You can’t get a view of a sunset bleeding into the sea on any other planet in this solar system.” Taku commented with a trace of wonder in his voice.
“Mhmm.” Hummed Yutaka.
“You know…,” Taku began, his eyes still on the view. “I always dreamed of looking at a sunset with you.”
The other boy’s eyes darted to his left and then back again, in slight panic of not knowing how to reply to such a complimentary statement. “That’s…umm…ugh…I mean…me too!” He stammered, but with a smile.
Taku made an amused-sounding, “Hmmm,” noise at this, before he breathed, “I’ve dreamed of it for a very long time.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…I’ve been in love with you for a very long time… I’ve basically already told you that, Yutaka!” He laughed.
“Ha, I’m sorry……..well, I guess I’ve also been in love with you for a very long time. In a way.”
“……What do you mean by ‘In a way’ ?”
“I was in love with you, but I never really realised it. I guess it was a bit stupid of me that I didn’t realise for such a long time; I never missed an opportunity to help you, or to hang out with you, or to call you, and so on.”
“You really are an idiot, Yutaka, but I kind of love that about you.”
The young man blushed.
“But even then, I think it was far stupider of you to think that I had a crush on Rikako! Her, of all people! It’s laughable!”
“I guess I just thought it because, to me, you seemed a bit obsessed with her.”
“Obsessed? Ha, no! I hated her so much!” He chuckled.
“Well, you know, the whole money thing…,”
“I didn’t give Rikako the money because I liked her, I gave it because I thought - at the time - it was the best thing to do, since my parents always taught me to be selfless like that.”
“Yeah, you are very kind, Taku.”
Taku leaned backwards a notch, and put his hands, which were previously resting on his knees, on the floor besides him, so that he was being supported by his straight arms. Yutaka soon did the same thing.
“How did you not realise that I’m gay, anyway?” Asked Taku with a faint laugh.
“I dunno, I never saw any signs.”
“No, you did see signs. You just didn’t recognise the signs.”
“What?”
“Yutaka… I’ve pointed out guys in the street who I thought were attractive before… I was hardly being subtle!”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Of course you don’t.”
There was a little moment or two of silence, which was then broken by Yutaka.
“I don’t know what I am,” he declared.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know if I’m gay or not. Because, I’m attracted to you… and now I’ve come to think about it, I have been attracted to other guys in my life, in my childhood and stuff. So I’m definitely into men, I’m not straight. But also, I had a small crush on Rikako. Embarrassing, I know, and it was always you who I truly loved, but I did. And when I was nine I had a crush on the girl who used to live in my apartment block.. I can’t remember her name for the life of me now.. but the point is: I know I’ve been attracted to women before. So, I’m not really sure what I am. I think I’m gay, because I love you, and I know for certain I’m attracted to men bu-”
“You’re bisexual.” Taku interrupted.
“Huh?”
“Bisexual - being attracted to both genders.”
“…That’s a thing?!”
“Of course it is! You’ve been attracted to men, and you’ve been attracted to women; you’re bisexual, Yutaka!”
“Oh … umm … well, I guess I am then!” Yutaka said with a slightly nervous-sounding laugh.
Taku smiled.
“It does explain a lot…” Admitted Yutaka.
The sun sunk deeper into the ocean, and the sky was now a blood orange. Yutaka thought about how glad he was that he chose to pick Taku up, and that he chose to go on the walk with him. His thoughts were scattered when Taku decided to speak again.
“…How did you even have a crush on Rikako in the first place?” He asked humorously.
“I don’t know!” Yutaka cried. “I think it must’ve been one of those rare cases of looks-over-personality! Who knows what I was thinking.”
“Ha! Well, I certainly don’t know what you were thinking! She had no personality besides being a big, massive, awful b-”
“Look, it was a long time ago now; can we please not dwell on it?! I was stupid alright!” Yutaka cut him off, laughing.
Taku laughed too, and after stopping, teased, “Haha, you really are stupid, aren’t you?” He took a long breath. “Yes, Rikako stole my money, used me and made fun of our accents, so, I can’t say she’s the best memory I have of school.”
“What is the best memory you have of school then?”
“That’s putting me on the spot! Probably…..ummm…no that’s too cheesy.”
“No, tell me!”
Taku sighed. “Spending time with you! ” He said in a mocking-like tone.
“Do-”
“Haha, no, I do genuinely mean that, yes. Sitting on the bench having lunch with you, having conversations on our way to classes, playing on the same team as each other in PE, walking home together in the rain… that’s what motivated me to get out of bed on school mornings. You made school so much more bearable for me..I can’t thank you enough.”
And he turned his head and smiled at Yutaka.
“…Yeah, I guess I feel the same way. Those memories with you….they’re the happiest I have of school.” Yutaka reminisced.
“School really wasn’t your thing, was it?”
“No, it wasn’t; it was so dull, boring and endless. Not to mention how tired and fed-up studying made me,” he agreed, “But the presence of you made it all feel worthwhile.”
At this, Taku stood up, then lowered his hand down for Yutaka to grab. Their hands clasped together and seconds later they were both standing up. It was now just about dark enough so that Yutaka’s view of the other young man’s face was a little blurry with shadow.
Taku hugged him.
Yutaka hugged him back.
“I love you so much!” Taku giggled.
“You too!” Yutaka laughed.
They retracted.
Taku turned to face the other end of the pier, and fitted his palm and fingers around Yutaka’s, then gave them a little squeeze.
Yutaka felt as if he was dreaming when he and Taku started walking back down the pier, hand-in-hand. Had all that really just happened? It couldn’t be real. But it was. He no longer felt so tense and strange, he now felt relaxed and complete.
As they came to the end of the walkway, Yutaka spoke up, “So…..are we….are we boyfriends now?!”
“Yes, we are.”
“That’s good.”
“I guess it is!” Taku laughed.