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The heat wave had finally broken, just in time for Carina and Maya to spend their days off together. Maya felt relaxed because she and Carina were finally in a good place about the whole kid situation. Maya meant what she said; she wants to want them; she's just not there yet. But they had talked, and for them, both talking was good enough. It no longer felt like a cloud in their otherwise perfect year of marriage.
They had decided to walk to Carina's favorite gelato place and enjoy each other's company, but Maya was sure there was something on Carina's mind. Maya wasn't sure she wanted to know just yet what was causing Carina's silence, not so soon after they had agreed about kids. About Maya wanting to want, she knew something was on Carina's mind, and she knew she needed to ask about it, but she also wanted to enjoy the closeness and happiness with Carina for a bit longer.
They were home when Carina broke the silence with what had been on her mind, "you have to tell me."
Maya gives her a confused look, complete with a cocked head and raised eyebrow. Not sure what Carina means by that.
Carina smiles at Maya's reaction, genuinely confused at what Carina was talking about, "when you get hurt at work. I need to know. If you get high on anything or get a burn or whatever it is. I need to know."
"Carina, I'm fine; as soon as Sullivan pulled me out and I got the mask off, I was good to go, regained consciousness, and the doctor at Seattle Presbyterian gave me a clean bill of health," Maya explains, finally understanding what Carina meant. She had told Carina about getting high on K2.
“Doctor? So, you had to go to the hospital. Okay, new rule, Bambina." Carina is alarmed to find out that Maya had ended up at a hospital, and she didn't know about it until weeks later. She had mostly made her piece with the how dangerous Maya's job was, but sometimes Maya says something like this, and it undoes her ability to be okay with Maya’s job.
"Okaay," Maya agrees slowly, unsure what she is agreeing to.
"I know your job has always been dangerous, and it's different since… it's changed," Carina doesn't like directly bringing up the demotion. Still, her anxiety about Maya's job has increased since the demotion because now she's going into the burning building and not captaining outside of the building on fire.
“I’m good at my job. I know you married a captain, but…."
"I married you, Maya. I don't care what your title is," Carina interrupts hotly but calms immediately because loud voices cause Maya to check out of the conversation before Carina can say what she needs to.
“What is this about?”
“I must know when something happens, okay. If you get hurt. Period. I want to know. Especially if you had to go to a hospital, I want to know about.” Carina says, “no matter how trivial you find it. I want to know.”
"Carina? What are you…." Maya starts, "I was fine? Going to the hospital was just an abundance of caution.”
"Maya, please just let me know. My biggest fear is that I'll go down to the pit one day and see Bishop, M because you won't have thought it was serious enough to tell me. But I want to know. I don't want to be surprised."
Maya bursts out laughing, and seeing her wife's face quickly makes herself stop, "it's just when we all passed out, Warren insisted, we go to Seattle Pres because he didn't want Dr. Bailey to know. I've never had anyone worried like that. When I started, my dad was my emergency contact, and I went through the second floor. I was fine, but my bad ankle got tweaked enough that I was on crutches for two weeks. Longest two weeks ever. But when my dad got to the hospital, he worried more about my career than my ankle."
Carina's heart hurt for her wife, and she could easily imagine the father-in-law she had never met doing that, "Bambina, my only concern would be that you are okay."
“I know. I’m just not used to it. I…. it’s just not something I would think to tell you because… no one’s ever cared. And I was fine., I was fine at the scene.”
Carina walks over to Maya, wraps her arms around her wife, and holds her close. Maya wraps her around Carina, and they stand there for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms.
"I'll you know about anything bigger than a scraped knee," Maya says in silence, recognizing that she could give her wife this.
“Grazie,” Carina says and holds her wife closer.
*The Day Dean Miller Died*
It had been a long day for Carina, helping 19 at the scene. It had kept her mind off the worry she felt for her wife, but now that I had gotten the pregnant woman settled, she could think back to how worried she was. She saw Victoria being assessed at the triage tent. Before she had been loaded into the ambulance with her patient, she saw Miller being loaded into another ambulance. He looked bad, worse than bad if she was honest with herself; with a short glance backward, she looked for Maya but couldn't see it. She shook her head and focused on the patient at hand.
A few hours later, after her patient was stable, she looked at her phone and say two texts from Maya:
I am back at the station, about to head to Grey- Sloan. To sit with everyone. Don't leave; I need you.
We are in Vic's room. Come when you can.
Carina headed straight for the nurse’s station, looked up Victoria's name, and headed straight for the room. When she got there, she saw half of 19 sitting in the room and the other half in the waiting room. Dr. Bailey and Warren were standing outside the room, and Carina came up to them; she knew someone must have died.
Dr. Bailey answers the unasked question, “Dean Miller.”
As if sensing her wife's presence, Maya looked up and quietly exited Vic's room and took Carina's hand, and pulled her away from the room. When they are out of eyeshot of the team, Maya collapses into Carina's arms, "I'm okay. Not a scratch." Maya promises.
“Are you sure?” Carina asks.
"Yea, just… drained," Maya says, "Pru isn't going to remember him. How can I… we do that?"
“We’ll be there to tell her about her papa,” Carina promises, but she would be lying if she hadn’t worried about this possibility when she and Maya had started talking about kids.
"I just… it could have been a lot worse. I mean, Vic will likely be here for a long time, and well," Maya breaks off.
Carina pulls Maya closer, “are you sure you’re okay, Bambina?”
“Not a scratch,” Maya promises.
"And what about here?" Carina asks, resting a hand over Maya's heart.
“That might be more of a work in progress,” Maya relents.
Carina holds Maya tight, selfishly grateful that there isn't a scratch on Maya and trying not to overthink about Dean's Bambina because then she will have more feelings than she is ready to deal with floating around. For now, she holds Maya tightly, pouring all her strength into the hug to help Maya when she must go back into Victoria’s room.