Chapter Text
Colin sighed heavily, dropping the last sheet of whistledown on the floor. He didn't know how this thing happened or why. He had never been interested in lady Whistledown's chronicles, he read them yes, like everyone in the ton but he had never been obsessed with that woman as his sister Eloise was. For two seasons he had watched his sister torment everyone with her theories about the woman's identity and the methods she used to try to expose her. Methods, which. for what he knew, had all turned out to be vain. That woman was damn bright and intelligent and she always seemed to be one step ahead of everyone. Yet, during the second season, something had changed and now he too found himself obsessed with that woman. He remembered exactly the moment when everything happened. Shortly after the fiasco of his brother Anthony's wedding to Miss Edwina, Lady Whistledown published an article in which she referred about his sister Eloise association with a radical political group. This created a certain turmoil over his family that was added to the scandal over the failure of the Viscount’s marriage with Miss Sharma. From that moment on, Eloise seemed to have completely lost interest in Lady Whistedown while he couldn't think of anything else.
Colin had managed to collect all the articles that the woman had written in the last two years and had begun to read them carefully. Initially he was just curious to understand something more about the woman, especially since she had spoken in a certain way about his sister, after all he was bored and felt himself without a purpose, but as he read, he felt more and more intrigued by the person hiding behind a fancy name. Lady Whistledown was pungent, brilliant and never boring. Her intelligence shone through her words and Colin thought that he could easily fall in love with such a woman. It was absurd, but he already felt in love with her. Colin, however, was smart enough to not revealing it to anyone, not even his brothers. They would have teased him to death, thinking that he had lost his mind and they would’ve not reacted as well to it as when he had asked Marina in marriage.
Thinking back about how Miss Thompson, now Lady Crane, had fooled him, he still felt deeply humiliated and vowed to swore off women from his life. And it was still like that, he felt something for Lady Whistledown but he didn't even know who she was. Maybe she was a middle-aged spinster or a cruel woman like Cressida Cowper.
So until he could learn more about her, he wouldn't say a word to a living soul. Since he couldn't stop thinking about her, he would do anything to find out her identity. Sometimes while he was reading the Whistledown he had the feeling that he actually knew that person, it was the way she wrote, the tone of his jokes but he wasn’t yet able to understand who she remembered him to .Just that day the last sheet had come out and alas he really hoped he hadn't read it. Lady Whistledown had written down on paper the stupid and cruel words he had said about Pen, his best friend, to a group of gentlemen just during her mother's ball. Colin had never felt so bad about himself in his life. He had not only hurt his best friend and possibly ruined her chances for a good marriage, but surely he had made the woman he thought to love change her mind about him, even before he discovered her identity. . Lady Whistledown had a soft spot for him, Colin was sure of it. Often she had called him a charmer but the thing that made him believe she was interested in him was her role in his missed marriage with Marina. He had to thank Lady Whistledown for revealing the real reason why Marina had agreed to marry him and if he had been mad at her at first, he knew now that he would have to thank her forever. But there was more. Rereading that particular article over and over again, he was more and more certain that for Lady Whistledown it was a personal matter, as if she had done everything to protect him and it showed that she cared for him. Or maybe he was reading too much into her actions?
And even if she had felt something for him, there was always the possibility that she now despised him for the things he had said about Penelope. Lady Whistledown was sour with those who deserved that, she had never insulted those who didn’t deserve it and she had never bullied those who were not considered in the ton. God, he despised himself for what he had said about Penelope and above all how. He didn't know the reason for his horrid words or maybe he did but he didn't want to admit it to himself. And that was another of his problems. Since he had returned from Greece, he no longer saw Pen as his friend and this made him feel uncomfortable. Since when he had he begun to notice how blue her eyes were, how her hair shone in the sunlight like a cascade of fire on a volcano bed? Those were surely inappropriate thoughts and when Lord Fife had asked him if he was going to court Penelope, he was frightened, thinking that if others had noticed his attitude towards her, surely Pen had too and he didn’t know how handle it. God, he didn't even know what was that mix of feelings that lately he seemed to feel for her and was scared of ruining their friendship before he even understood himself. How did he love a woman like Lady Whistledown and at the same time feel that increasingly pressing attraction for Penelope? Could he love two women at the same time? He thought not. And this led him more and more often to think about the possibility that Penelope and Lady Whistledown were the same person. At first Colin thought he was crazy just for thinking such a thing. His sweet and shy Penelope could never have been Lady Whistledown. Yet as his mind tried to think of all the clues he had about the identity of the ton's most beloved writer, it no longer seemed impossible that Pen and Lady Whistledown were the same person. Penelope was shy, yes, but she was damn smart and when a person could really know her, like him and he was lucky for that, she was able to show a strong sense of humor and some witty barbs. She was a wonderful writer and the letters she sent to him when he was in Greece were the perfect example of that. Colin had reread them all, trying not to dwell on its content but on how she wrote, on her style and he almost fell off his chair. How didn’t ever notice that the two women had an almost identical style of writing? He, most of all, should have put the pieces of the puzzle together and figured it all out earlier. But the thing that convinced him most of all that his theory was correct was the fact that Eloise and Penelope had a fight and now they didn't talk to each other anymore. And that fight took place just a few days after Lady Whistledown's article about his sister. Was it possible that Eloise had come to the same conclusions as him and by confronting Penelope she had discovered the truth? It was possible. Taking a deep breath, trying to calm his troubled heart, Colin reasoned that before he did something stupid, he should talk about it with Eloise. She still hoped he was wrong, because if Penelope was Lady Whistledown it meant that she had written the article about his stupid words to Lord Fife so it would be even more difficult for him to win back her trust and convince her about his feelings for her. they were real. Because they were. Yes, because when he finally solved the mystery of Lady Whistledown's identity, he realized he was madly in love with Penelope. He had been for a while but he had been so stupid and blind that he didn't realize that those feelings had already been there for a while and that he just needed to open his eyes to what had always been in front of him. He should have been angry with her, angry with her in the same way that Eloise was but the reality was exactly the opposite. If it was possible he now loved her even more. There was certainly a valid reason why Penelope had written about Eloise and he had every intention of finding out. With that goal in mind, Colin got up from his chair and left his bedroom in search of his sister. The house was quiet, as her mother was busy planning his brother Anthony's wedding to Kate Sharma and was not at home. He found Eloise intent on reading in their living room, her face completely immersed in the book, so much that she didn't even notice his presence.
"El, I thought you followed Mom on her errands this afternoon" Colin tried to say sounding casual and not with the intention of making his sister confess everything she knew about Penelope.
Eloise grunted and rolled her eyes bored.
"I'd rather die…" she said quickly before refocusing her attention on what she was reading.
"Well with a beautiful day like today, I thought you'd rather take a walk with Penelope instead of being locked up here and moldying" he continued hoping that mentioning Penelope's name, she would have some reaction. But nothing, Eloise didn’t even give him an answer.
"What happened between you and Penelope, and don't ignore me, I know something has happened" Colin exclaimed, unable to pretend nothing happened and disinterest on the subject.
"Nothing that is your business, brother" her sister shot out bitterly and then added: "And then I'd rather never talk about Penelope anymore"
"And why?" Colin said "because she is Lady Whistledown?"
The book her sister was holding in her hands fell and with a completely shocked expression she asked, "How do you know?"
Colin's heart skipped a beat "I didn't know for sure but now you've given me confirmation".
"You suspected it and aren't you even a little angry?" Eloise's tone was bitter and totally shocked “Do you know that your marriage with Marina fell apart because of what Penelope wrote? She didn't give you the opportunity to choose whether to marry her or not… how can you not be angry? ".
Colin sighed "Actually I never had the choice, since Marina lied to me, pretending to be interested in me when in reality she just wanted to save herself and her children" "I understood her choice, she had no alternative but what would have happened if I had married her? Discovering her betrayal would have killed me and would also have thrown scandal on our family. Plus, before writing that article, Penelope tried to warn me but I didn't listen to her and I think she had to make a bitter decision and take it quickly. I'm not justifying her, but I know that she has done everything and only for me, even at the cost of ruining her own family .. "
Eloise seemed to reflect on her words, but her expression remained still hard and distant so Colin said resolutely: "and I'm sure there is a valid reason if she has written about you too and I would like to know it.."