Archive of Our Own

To simply put it, he had just been plainly living.

"You never complain," that voice of accusation when Chenle taunts is still fresh in mind like the almost two-year memory got him stuck in place. It's nothing but a forgotten conversation between fizzy drinks and semi-sober thoughts, and yet he is left to solely remember everything, "but you also never look like you've found what you've been looking for all this time."

It's a memory that isn't supposed to haunt him, but it does anyways.

The sight of alcohol sloshing itself out of Chenle's glass is a very clear detail he can recall. And the glass was only a quarter filled, too. Messy, he used to think. Classic Chenle, he would now fondly remember.

"What on earth would I be looking for anyway?" and it's funny to him how he can clearly remember the lulls from Chenle's borderline drunk confrontations but his own words sound cotton to his ears, a dazy memory of a distant voice.

"See, that's the problem with you," the waves of liquid rocks on Chenle's glass like an angry ocean, a mighty storm. He thinks it's a little bit crazy for him to compare sea bodies with alcohol and a bit too intoxicated for him to find the comparison a little too stingy that it kind of pricks his ego.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," and this conversation sounds a little too deep to be a casual one in a bar, but that's exactly why he can't ever forget it in the first place, especially when Chenle pokes his chest a little too firmly when he points out, "and yet you do nothing about it like you'll be fine running in circles your entire life."

And it's true.

It seems like a lifetime too late for him to retort back to Chenle with a you know what, you're actually right motherfucker just like you've always been.

He wishes he could see Chenle once again.

But then again, maybe it is really a lifetime too late for him to ponder on such wishful thinking.

"Renjun?"

His reflection on the tea becomes clear in his vision once again, emboldened curves on its ceramic cup imprinted on his fingers with the little pressure he holds on them.

The woman in front of him should not be an entirely unfamiliar figure to him under normal circumstances, but everything is far from normal truth be told and this person in front of him is nothing but a stranger in his life.

What he says instead is, "It appears I have spaced out, sister. I apologize."

And the woman laughs, warm like honey and yet poised like the noble lady that he is. From a distance, he can see a maid with a tray of biscuits and cake approaching their spot.

Their formal suits and stuffy dresses. The formal language in every conversation. Tea parties and banquets.

A place ruled by a monarchy.

"The greenhouse garden is the best place in our household to drink tea in the early afternoon, after all. To be amazed by its beauty is something not entirely surprising to me."

Renjun, at this point, feels a little too certain that it's a lifetime too late to meet Chenle once again.

-

Renjun really couldn't care much about An Heiress' Tale. 

It was simply a romance novel Chenle got obsessed with for a week– amongst all the other romance novels in his library, of course. It just so happened that one of Chenle's love languages is shoving a romance novel up in Renjun's business when he really doesn't even read that much in the first place.

It was just another classic love story mixed in with a little drama, he learns after the first fifteen pages.

An Heiress' Tale revolves around the story of Yerim Kim, the lost daughter of the Kim household.

Yerim Kim was loved. Kind in nature, someone who has a bright heart that rivals the sun like her was bound to be loved by everyone, no question.

She was well-respected everywhere she went, a natural in high aristocratic societies despite entering it quite late and past her coming-of-age.

And An Heiress' Tale is her story of finding love and building her family to the top.

Classic. Cliché. Couldn't care less and could live without it, as Renjun usually does.

Not until he himself gets involved unprovoked.

Renjun couldn't recall all the details. He was pretty sure he was nodding off in his bed as he struggles to finish the novel that he's almost sure the lights were on in his last memory.

The next time he wakes up, he's in the bedroom of Yerim Kim's younger brother.

Renjun Huang.

He is Yerim's adoptive brother.

Taken into the Kim household at such a young age, Renjun was trained to become the next successor as the marquess and the marchioness lost their only child.

Or at least, that's how it's supposed to be.

Because years later, Yerim comes back.

And how could an adopted child stand against the child that truly carried the blood of their family, really?

No, not even years of academic excellence and pristine etiquette training could be enough.

And yet, even when he knew his fate of being the discarded successor lay in front of him Renjun never stopped achieving the best and proving himself worthy of being part of the family.

It was believed he was jealous. Of his sister and everything she had, for it was once his. But was it really his if it was meant for her to begin with?

Seemed to be bothered by his jealousy, it was believed that this adoptive brother was killed by one of the men who loved Yerim so much by poisoning him to death.

His story ends halfway through the novel. 

Now that he really thought about it, the death of this character was definitely oddly placed in the novel, a scene so out of the blue with no use for the plot.

But does that really matter now? Probably, but not really.

He has now become the Renjun Huang, the semi-villain, the background antagonist.

And if he doesn't do anything, death will be his only end.

Chapter 16: Prick of a Needle

"So are you accusing me of lying?" Renjun's voice strikes the room, sharp like venom as they echo in the silence.

He can see the hem of the maid's skirt flutter as they stem back from the trembling of her feet as she quivers, "No, young master! It's just that–"

"You are holding a needle whilst fitting my finished suits for me. When I asked for the needles to be tested just in case, you refused. And you tell me I shouldn't worry?"

The eyes that befall upon Renjun are perceiving him with awe and astonishment, but in hindsight he just had the privilege to know the future, the perks of being a transmigrator: poison was the reason why Renjun was absent in an important event in the novel, discovered by Yerim after she confronts the family doctor.

It remained a mystery for a few pages how poison entered his body, for food was regulated and shared by the members of the family and even guests. However like a stroke of luck, or rather with the luck of the main protagonist, Yerim found that the poisoning was meticulously placed: all it needed was a prick on the skin with a needle.

And just like that, Yerim saves another day.

But Renjun didn't need any saving, so he takes up matters on his own hands.

The maid continues to bow down in his presence, her elbows slightly trembling if he would squeeze his eyes even further. Dead silence plagued the room. Funny, Renjun thinks. At times like these, it should have been discreet murmurs instead. But then again, it's not like he was expecting anything. He knows.

"I don't want to repeat myself. Let us test the needle if–"

"I am sorry, young master!" The maid cuts him off before Renjun could even finish, falling herself to the ground as her head touches the floor bowing on Renjun's feet.

The sharp inhales echo along the sound of wood, as sobs emit along the maid's confession.

Some of the eyes in the room are more sharpened than the others. Renjun couldn't care quite less. He didn't want to.

"Call the head butler. Tell him to punish the maid in accordance to the rules," is what he finally says to one of the servants, trailing away from the scene as he exits the room.

The scrutinizing eyes. The scandalous intentions. The groundless rumors.

He wasn't big on empathy. But at times like this, he really can't help but pity Renjun Huang's life.

-

"Renjun, are you alright?"

That distinct voice in the air passes itself into Renjun's ear like a summoning, like it's laced with a hidden spell that someone like Renjun cannot deny but listen to.

Mark is the male lead. The eldest son and the successor of the Lee household, Mark was the perfect partner for someone like Yerim: meeting coincidentally in a garden full of roses, what started out as friendship blossoms into love as Yerim falls for Mark's natural charisma, warm-heartedness, and genuinity.

In the final arc of the novel, Mark leads the knights of his household with great courage and an amazing sense of leadership. It was a feat, the ideal example of his abilities as the one to follow his father's footsteps but most of all, to prove himself as the best for the novel's heroine.

Mark is the male lead. And somehow Renjun always understands what that meant when he's with Mark.

"I'm pretty sure you saw me back then, Mark," is what Renjun says when he turns to face the man in front of him, eyes trailing away from the hallways they both separately took.

"I'm just," fingers brought to the back of his hair, Mark diverts his eyes, looks at anywhere but Renjun as he continues, "you looked so cool back there."

He sees a little bit of a peach blush sitting above Mark's cheeks and ears, but Renjun figures it's not a big deal.

It is a pretty image though, Renjun cannot lie. He thinks it's part of the perks of being a main character.

"Thanks, I guess," is what he chooses to say, amongst all the words he wishes to tell.

Somehow the words make Mark bring back his eyes to Renjun's, and this time it's Renjun that looks away, avoid what pierces through his figure. It's too much.

There's something about how Mark's eyes are filled with this haze when Renjun looks at them like there are so many words hidden behind, like there are rose-tinted glasses layered on them.

Mark is the male lead. That alone reminds Renjun why Mark is built like that.

"It seems like you've grown a lot these days, you know."

Renjun tries to cover a scoff hiding beneath, even though he knows he will ultimately fail. Grow? He thinks Mark has found the wrong word.

"Everybody's bound to change," is what Renjun corrects.

"I know," Mark dismisses, "it just seems like you're changing too fast that I'm afraid you'd become someone I don't know in a blink of an eye."

And Renjun stops. How does he tell Mark that maybe, the Renjun in front of him is not the person he once knew anymore?

The wind passes by–

"You worry too much, Mark." Renjun replies a little too late.

"It's not like he's worrying over nothing, Jun."

There's a figure in the short distance that Renjun fails to notice, probably with Mark's presence out of all people, but when the voice reaches his ears there's no room for Renjun to not look back.

Ah, Renjun pities the curse of the other male leads: built with possibly everything the world would be jealous of, but never enough to have the girl of their dreams.

Jeno Lee unfortunately is a prime example.

One of Mark's brothers, Jeno is a textbook swordsman: hardworking even at a young age, he has mastered the art of holding the weapon even in his youth. With blessed genes and impeccable gentleman manners, people admire and envy him for all the different reasons.

And yet, he won't be the man standing beside Yerim when she stands beside the altar.

Suppose Renjun finds a lost connection between him and Jeno, the other side of his coin.

He knows the crushing weights of being the most of who you are, but not the best for what you want.

And because Renjun knows, it's easy for him to see even when he'd only got half a second in glancing Jeno's figure that's leaning by the wall.

The tense shoulders. The scars, both old and new, layered around his skin. That strand of hair untucked in front of his ear.

That's enough because Renjun understands.

He can't tell Jeno that, though, so he settles with, "Here comes worrywart number two."

He wants to cower away from the glare Jeno sends on his way, but Renjun knew better than to be seen as vulnerable in the eyes of others. Especially when it's these two.

Jeno is looking for a response. Renjun will not give it to him.

And so Jeno sighs, trailing away his eyes as he focuses on Mark, "Father is calling for you, brother."

"Oh," comes in Mark's voice, "I guess I should be going then," and for once Renjun wonders how the female heroine handles all these magnetic presence all around her. But then again, Renjun guesses it makes sense: Yerim is the magnetic field for these men, the sun they can't help but fly close to.

"Take care, Renjun. Okay?"

The female heroine. She was destined to have these all in her hands.

"Yeah. Don't forget to bid Yerim goodbye on the way out," Renjun reminds as he looks Mark straight in the eye.

Three things happen at once: the way Mark takes up more air than he should; it was subtle but the close proximity allows Renjun to notice it anyway, the red-tinted gaze faltering for a split second, and the waver in Mark's words as he says, "Oh, yeah. Uhm, sure. I'll do that."

Renjun wants to know what it all means, but Mark doesn't give him a chance.

He hurries a "Goodbye," and just like that, Mark is out of sight.

Perhaps Renjun was not meant to understand it all. In the end, who was he in this world to know, anyway? He was destined to stay by the side, not question anything because why bother, right?

"Are you really alright? Are you sure you weren't hurt?"

Jeno distracts Renjun, reminds him of his place and where he stands.

"Jeno, I'm fine. I promise," he responds like clockwork, no second thoughts as Renjun continues, "You saw how I punished that maid. The needle was still untouched."

"That's not what I meant, Jun," Jeno clarifies, "You have the tendency to hide things from us, you know."

And ah, Renjun forgets he's as transparent to Jeno as Jeno is to him; that the glass is clear on both sides.

That when Renjun meets him with silence, Jeno also understands.

"See, you can't even say anything about it."

Renjun turns away. He wishes not to be perceived, especially now. His fingers betray him, as Jeno watches them flicker and fidget on his sleeves.

"I guess I can go relieved now knowing you're safe," Jeno finally says, "I have swordsmanship lessons too so I have to follow Mark. You'll be fine, right?"

"I'm not injured, Jeno," Renjun laughs at his overwhelming concern. Since when did Jeno become so doting over him? "and I'm in my own home."

Renjun watches as Jeno's shoulders relax, posture slowly losing composure as he flickers his eyes on Renjun's figure, a sound barely whispering in the air.

"Well....."

Jeno feels warm. Jeno feels safe.

Jeno shouldn't be warm and safe to Renjun.

"Just go, you big baby." Renjun lightly slaps Jeno's arm, stops everything before he could witness images that he shouldn't be seeing.

But then—

Jeno smiles, his eyes crescent like the moon as their shine rival the afternoon sun. The grin on his lips beams brightly as if—

"Okay, I'm going. Take care, Jun!"

Even as Jeno's figure slowly staggers away from him, Renjun believes it was best that Jeno didn't wait for a reply. Renjun didn't want to, believed it was for the best that he shouldn't.

Renjun knew Jeno was a male lead, even if he wasn't the endgame. Renjun should have been more careful.

"You really should have fired that maid."

Renjun freezes.

For a majority, he is confident he can keep up with this identity facade he's playing. It's not like Renjun Huang is so different from him in the first place.

"What for?" he scoffs, "She's going to have a hard time looking for another household to take her in once we kick her out and she's been serving us for a long time already."

Renjun adjusts his sleeves out of habit, mind out of the gutter as he continues, "A second chance and some punishment are enough."

He thinks he can fool everyone. All, except Donghyuck Lee.

"And what if someone tries to hurt you again? Tries to kill you?"

Renjun couldn't really define his relationship with Donghyuck in simpler terms.

Academic rivals. Best friends. Greatest competitor. Trustworthy companions.

They've got each other's back just as they have knives on each other's throats.

Donghyuck Lee has stuck up with Renjun Huang for years. Whether it's because Donghyuck's believed to be hopelessly in love with Yeri for years or because Renjun has always been the only person who understood Donghyuck even when time passed, it didn't matter.

It's the reason why it was easy for Renjun to slip on his tongue when he offhandedly says, "It's not like they haven't tried before."

"Renjun!"

It isn't easy to look at Donghyuck in the eyes, though.

But nonetheless, Renjun tries. He knows it's the only way to find an end to this conversation.

So he looks up, firm as he can when he meets Donghyuck's eyes, "Standing up for myself today was a lot, Hyuck. Take it as an improvement."

There is pain in the way Donghyuck looks at him as he mutters, "You don't deserve to be treated like this, Renjun."

Renjun hates that he recognizes it so easily.

But he hates it even more how Donghyuck's words are so easily true.

He thinks of the real Renjun Huang, and the unfortunate fate sealed upon him. He thinks of the misunderstandings, the unsaid words, the prejudiced identity he carried.

I know, Renjun echoes in himself. It's not like Donghyuck will ever understand what he meant if he says those words out loud anyway.

"I'll be going now," Donghyuck breaks him out of his thoughts, "Take care of yourself, Jun."

Sunlight glows above Donghyuck's skin as he walks away, halo glimmering around his figure that Renjun cannot deny to find so mesmerizing.

"I'll visit tomorrow, too."

It's not a question, but he notices Donghyuck pause in his tracks.

And so Renjun waves his hand as he dismisses, "Sure, do whatever you want."

And as his eyes linger on Donghyuck's disappearing figure, Renjun wonders if Donghyuck has ever noticed how he waited for Renjun's answer.

-

Perhaps he's always been aware that change would somehow follow him as he progresses through the novel— no, change was certain the moment Renjun placed his footing in the story. His goal was to survive and avoid all the death signs; he was bound to change whatever fate that was bestowed upon him.

Change is the goal.

And perhaps Renjun always had an inkling that change would present itself in ways he would have never expected.

It's the only reason Renjun can find to explain why people around him are so different from what they're supposed to be. The disparity can't go unnoticed, as it shatters the barriers Renjun has built.

"Renjun!"

A story remains a tale stuck on its pages, after all–

"...Sister?"

Not until, they become our reality.

Renjun turns to Yerim's approaching figure, eyes focusing on how furrowed her brows are.

The hem of Yerim's skirt flutters from the way she hurries to take a seat beside Renjun, unbothered by her lack of proper etiquette as she says with haste, "Are you okay? I heard what happened from Mark. You're safe, right? The maid wasn't able to do anything right? I'm gonna make sure she doesn't come near you anymore. The needle was retrieved, right? She could—"

Renjun could not even bother to hide his laughter even if he tried, not when Yerim explodes with no brakes to stop her.

"Sister, I'm fine. I swear," he interrupts, mildly aware of how attentive her eyes are, "I've dealt with this stuff before. I told you I'm strong, remember?"

"I know, Jun. And that's exactly why I'm worried for you," Renjun hates how he knows exactly what Yerim is talking about, hates himself a little for hating Yerim for this as she continues, "Just because you're strong doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

"Sister..."

Yerim reaches out for his hand, the caress on the back of his hand gentle like her voice feeble, "I'm afraid what might happen if being strong will not be enough anymore."

Renjun wonders if he deserves this level of concern. He wonders if things would have been the same if he had never come to this world in the first place. He wonders if the real Renjun Huang would have called out to his sister as he does.

"I wish I could do something to change people's minds."

Renjun finds his voice again, "It's okay, sister. Somehow you being in my side is enough."

And he meant it in the most sincere way possible.

".....You're going to make me cry, Jun."

"Should I send a letter to Joy to visit you?" Ah, yeah. Another change unexpected, probably one that will forever rewrite the story. 

The heroine has found her lover even before the happily ever after.

"Hey!"

Chapter 21: Of Banquets and Herbs

The chandelier lights are hung too high on the palace ceiling.

They're out of reach from the ocean of people beneath them yet Renjun can still make out the glimmer of their burning brightness from afar, that he's mildly convinced they've got to be powered by electricity (or magic, which would be more logical in this universe actually but Renjun has yet to encounter enough magic in this world to believe it).

From a distance he can see her sister talking with a few noble ladies, Yerim standing in the center of the crowd as she naturally attracts whoever may surround her. It would only be a matter of time until she establishes friendships and connections with her charm and wits.

Right, Renjun remembers the importance of this banquet in the first place.

Just like the scene unfolding in front of him, Yerim in the novel gains the right people on her side that opened opportunities for the Kim family to prosper. It was a successful banquet, Renjun had to admit.

But naturally, as people say: you gain some, you lose some.

Gaining attention meant that there will be people you will meet while there will be others you will be bound to encounter next time around. And for Yerim, that meant not having a conversation with a count who owned a garden of medicinal herbs. Now why would this be so important? In a few months, a terrible illness would strike the land and only a plant from the count's garden could be the only cure. In an unfortunate turn of events, the count gains an unfavorable opinion of the Kims due to gaining a partnership from the Jung family, the enemy of the Kim for generations god forbid. 

More than half of the people from the Kim household died from the illness, including the marchioness of the household Mrs. Kim.

And that is why it is important for Renjun to attend the banquet. He may not be able to find a way to convince Yerim to build some form of partnership with the count (because how could it ever be logical to accept the reason that he knew the future because the world they live in is actually a novel?) but he can do it himself. He's pretty sure there are other important events that occurred in this chapter but this is the most urgent.

The shine from the polished windows reflects Renjun's figure, seeing the tailored clothing that caused a commotion and a demotion of a maidservant a few days ago. With the darkness of the night showcasing the faintest of colors, Renjun can see the faded pink of his hair as it complements the white and blue fabric of his fit. It might have been bothersome to be able to attend this banquet-

He sees a distant figure behind his own from the windows, description fitting like those he's read in pages of a book, but it would be worth it all in the end, Renjun sees his smirk move through the reflection before turning away as he walks on the floors of the palace.

-

The open doors of a palace balcony felt like a savior in its physical form for Renjun as he staggers his steps outside, cold wind greeting him as the scenery of the vast palace garden greets him. 

The walls of the palace felt too suffocating, masks of the nobles and the sickeningly sugar-coated words that slipped through their tongues were too much for Renjun he felt like he could drown. 

He doesn't know how Yerim does it.

The moon over his head resembles a huge lamp for Renjun that it reminds him of the one he has on his nightstand: peaceful, quiet, and warming coldness that somehow seems fitting in itself.

Renjun envies everything about it. Why does peace have to come so momentary, fleeting like it never intends Renjun to get used to it?

His past life might be peaceful, but he's never found peace with it. His current life is anything but peaceful.

Even as he savors this short-lived stillness, Renjun could not even ignore the bitter resentment that he can only have this once in a while.

The halo of the moon hypnotizes Renjun like a crystal ball, allowing him to lose himself in mindless thoughts.

Things are too.....awfully quiet. For a novel, at least.

Is Renjun missing something?

The huge oak tree beside the balcony shuffles a little bit and Renjun couldn't bare a second to figure out the being that charged right through him, fear conquering the best of him as he ducks to the floor from any possible danger.

Polished white shoes with embellishes of gold are the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes.

Ah.

He's pretty sure there are other important events that occurred in this chapter but this is the most urgent.

Renjun did miss something.

Kind of stupid for him to forget, in all honesty.

Seemingly out of energy, Yerim finds solace in an unoccupied balcony in hopes to breathe a little bit once again.

All of a sudden, a branch from the tree beside reveals a man adorned in royal clothing, as the jewels on his clothes reflect the shine of the gold in his fabric under the moonlight.

- An Heiress' Tale, Ch. 14: The Royal Banquet

There is fear and reluctance when Renjun slowly lifts his head to fully take a glance at the man in front of him, dread only stirring his gut uglier as the description from what he has once read perfectly matches with what he sees.

Wood brown is a color one may not necessarily find to be pretty, but Renjun sees them sway from the night breeze and can't help but be enchanted as he has never seen hair with so much beauty and grace. The smile on his face is barely there with only a slight tug on the corners of his lips but Renjun knows that it's an image fitting for a fairytale.

How could he forget?

The banquet is where Yerim first meets the Crown Prince, Jaemin Na.

"Greetings upon the Great Star of the Na Empire," Renjun stumbles on his feet once he regains his composure as the momentary shock finally fades, bowing in courtesy as he eloquently speaks, "I am Renjun Huang from the House of Kim, Your Highness."

Renjun hears the Prince chuckle while his eyes are on the ground and wonders how they sound too perfect to come from a human being, "Greetings, Mr. Huang. I would really like it if you could lift up your head."

"It is an honor, Your Highness," is what comes out on automatic from Renjun's mouth and as he lifts his head, the sparkling eyes that seemed to learn how to smile on its own does not fail to catch his attention, as if to be a perfect symbolism of an image of a prince, like they harbor jewels beneath them waiting for someone to conquer the hidden treasures.

Oh, Renjun realizes, he really is the Crown Prince. A male lead.

He now isn't entirely skeptical why Yerim was entranced for a moment when Prince Jaemin stood in front of her. He, out of everyone, should have understood.

Prince Jaemin slowly turns his smile into a grin, enough for Renjun to fully pay attention to the man in front of him. He seems to become warmer the more Renjun feels his presence, outspeaking him before Renjun could think of a conversation to start, "And what is a fine young man like you doing out here?"

On the other hand, maybe Renjun should have started the conversation.

"Uhm," Renjun stops to choose his words carefully, "I was simply looking for fresh air from the banquet, Your Highness, as I have felt quite suffocated inside."

The nails of his thumb press a little too firmly on the skin of his fingers. The words are vague enough not to be considered a lie, but just enough not to give away the whole truth. Renjun cannot afford to badmouth the nobles and aristocrats in front of an imperial family member.

"That is quite unfortunate," and it is also quite too late for Renjun to realize how smooth and suave the prince's voice sounded, "But don't you find the night breeze to be quite a chill?"

Renjun takes a pause. The wind is indeed quite cold, especially when the palace is surrounded by greens and grasses and nighttime has befallen upon the empire. 

Renjun can feel a gentle breeze coming upon their direction. He realizes he doesn't really find it bothersome.

"Oftentimes, we don't get to choose the thorns that we walk upon," is what Renjun utters after a comfortable momentary silence, "But when we do, we choose those we know we can bear to suffer from."

And comes the wind Renjun expected. He welcomes it with a gentle smile in return.

The eruption of a hearty laugh flusters Renjun from the calming trance of the night breeze, turning back to the prince who he's realized late to have turned away from. Prince Jaemin's laughter is deep and loud, the sound of it clearly coming out from the pit beneath his heart as Renjun is unsure if the nobles from the inside would have heard but is certain that it echoes in the balcony they share. 

"That is something I cannot deny," Prince Jaemin is smiling- no, beaming. "Renjun, isn't it? I wish to- No, I'll make sure we'll see each other again," and before Renjun could even comprehend the turn of events, he feels his hand being lifted as Prince Jaemin lands a gentle kiss just above his birthmark while he hides a smile when he promises, "And when we do, let's have a proper conversation. Preferably over tea." 

It takes a few minutes for Renjun to snap back to reality that he's not entirely sure if Prince Jaemin went through the balcony doors or climbed back to the tree as an exit.

He also forgot to ask the prince why he was in the tree in the first place, which would have been a better conversation for them to talk about.

-

Renjun and Prince Jaemin indeed did not have their next conversation over tea. It was over letters.

Dearest Renjun,

As always, I hope this letter finds you in good hands. It seems that we have grown accustomed to these letters that we send each other. Doesn't it seem like just yesterday when we met at the banquet? It still saddens me that we haven't spared time for each other for tea. I think it would be lovely to just sit by the palace gardens and enjoy the flowers with you. The situation here in the palace seems tough since a group of mages seems to have raised concern with their movements. The emperor plans to—

-

To Your Highness The Crown Prince,

I also wish that this letter finds you in perfect health. It was your impatience that you sought to reach me through letters that our communication remains to be this way. Forgive me for my imprudence but perhaps if Your Highness have decided earlier to find time to invite me in person then we would have already met months ago. However, please do not take that as me imposing for you to invite me for tea. I am perfectly fine if you have no plans on doing so. I also believe that Your Highness should not be easily spreading information about palace matters. Enemies of the empire—

-

Loveliest Renjun,

As I have written in my letters countless times, I hope you'd start addressing me with my name rather than maintaining all the formalities. This letter is for a friend, someone I'm voluntarily bonding with rather than for imperial business. You cannot stop me from convincing you no matter how much you say otherwise. Oh, please do believe me, Renjun, when I wished for us to meet again personally. When all the commotion within the palace rests, rest assured we will see each other again. In all honesty, I've been thinking of taking you with me on a trip to the East. What do you think? The seas—

-

To The Crown Prince Jaemin,

As per your request, I have decided to remove formalities in order to soothe your worries but I do apologize since it is still difficult for me to not simply address you as the crown prince. Please allow me to do so for now. I wish you all the best with the palace matters. I'm rather honored that you think I'm trustworthy enough to be relied upon with such information. I do think a trip to the East would be lovely. However, I'm afraid I might have to decline. I wish for both of us to meet sometime if you would wish to. I have an inkling that my plans to leave the Kim household might be earlier than I thought so—

Chapter 40: Death of a Villain

Muffled footsteps shatter the silence in the library, the sound of it clearly heavy to anyone who hears it.

When Renjun's fingers timidly pull a book's spine out from a shelf, he makes out a figure appear so suddenly right beside him.

"What are you doing at the Kim's library, Mark? Does the Lee household not have their own?"

He was breathing loudly, his coat disheveled as Mark's shoulders move up and down at a steady fast pace. The beads of sweat slowly trickling down his face was also something Renjun couldn't ignore.

"Renjun," Mark barely huffs out in between pants, "Is there something you're not telling us?"

Renjun might have an inkling of where this conversation is headed.

"I don't know," he runs a thumb on the pages of the book, stopping on one page with his eyes focused, "It depends on which 'us' you are referring to."

"So does that mean you're really hiding something?" There is an unfamiliar undertone Renjun is hearing from Mark's words. Renjun's never really heard it from him despite being someone Mark should despise, but maybe he should have expected to hear it at some point.

"Seeing that you're fully convinced that I am indeed hiding something, why don't you just tell me about it to confirm your suspicions?" Renjun accuses back, eyes sharp when he turns his head to Mark.

Renjun knows how malicious he sounds. Renjun sees Mark paying it no mind.

"Are you," Mark pauses, face scrunching so uncomfortably, "Are you really leaving the Kim family?"

"Oh," Renjun feels kind of dumbfounded, "I'm assuming you heard that from the Crown Prince considering he's the only one I explicitly told about it."

"He brought it up with me after our meeting earlier."

It was unavoidable. Even if the rest of the male leads did not show disdain or threat to Renjun's existence, even if Renjun and Yerim were the siblings who would do anything for each other, it didn't matter. Nothing good awaits Renjun for as long he resides within this household.

"So the secret is true," The sound of betrayal resounds when Mark gasps out, "Why?"

Renjun feels wronged.

"It wasn't a secret to begin with, Mark," Renjun clarifies, "I just didn't feel the need to tell anyone. It was bound to happen anyway."

"Bound to happen?", Mark sounds ridiculous, "Who said that?"

"No one."

"Then?"

Renjun levels eye-to-eye with Mark, and for once he's never been so confident in facing anyone. There's nothing to hide, nothing to cower away from. 

The smile plastered on Renjun's face is probably the most genuine one he's given in a while.

Renjun missed how captivated Mark's eyes gazed over him, as a forlorn look quickly replaces it.

And in slow steps, Mark places a gentle grip on his arms, thumbs playing circles on Renjun's skin so softly that Mark's tender gaze on him feels more intense than he can take. 

And yet despite that, Renjun can't find it in himself to pull away.

- 

The weather is cold for a sunny afternoon when Jeno comes to Renjun days later. It was a perfect afternoon for tea at the Kim's garden.

"I heard something from Mark." The image of Jeno's face reflects clearly on his tea, the cup still filled almost to the brim. Renjun is meticulous and wary when he settles his own tea back on its saucer.

"I have a feeling I know what you mean." He can see the way Jeno freezes over the words, muscles on his face stiffening visibly as he seems to have his jaw clenched.

A heavy silence lingered for a while before Renjun was able to hear a soft mutter, "I wanted to hear it from you."

There is a gentle smile sitting on his face, one he's not entirely sure if Jeno can see through his peripheral vision when he is too busy staring at his own tea, "Yes. I am planning to leave the household."

"I honestly don't understand," Jeno looks entirely lost, eyes focused anywhere else except Renjun, "I can't comprehend over the thought of you leaving us. It seems like an impossible idea to me."

Renjun could not control the sigh that comes out of his mouth. Why are these people despaired at the thought of him leaving? Shouldn't they rejoice? Be happy that another threat to Yerim's success be plucked out like an atrocious thorn? 

It makes Renjun feel like it's okay to stay. 

He's too afraid to dwell on the idea. There's nothing else in the world that could hurt so much more than the betrayal of own expectations. Renjun will crush them first before they can even materialize.

"But I know there's no use in tying you down," Jeno's voice snaps Renjun out of his thoughts, half-aware of the words as they take him by slight surprise, "You'd still find ways to flee anyways."

The chuckle that comes out of Renjun is airy and light when he grins, "I'm glad at least someone understands."

There were no better words to convey the parallel between Renjun and Jeno's lives than those.

Unsuspecting, Renjun feels a touch on his hand that's perched on the table, eyes quickly spotting Jeno's thumb playing over his birthmark.

"I'll be sad when you leave, I'll have to admit," Jeno's eyes look a little dead and disoriented, and there is a hint of guilt creeping in Renjun's gut for probably being the reason behind it, "You would feel like a dent I could never repair."

"I don't think it would be that bad," Renjun denies, voice uncertain but only gets defeated when Jeno replies so firmly.

"It will. I can be certain of that."

Chapter 47: Mages of the Northeast

There was no peaceful conversation when Donghyuck confronts Renjun.

"Why are you suddenly running away!?" Donghyuck's voice boom over the hallways, resounding in every wall as it echoes wherever it may reach. Renjun feels a little bit thankful to be in an abandoned manor of the residence as of the moment- or to those who will be turning a blind eye and ear regarding this conversation, if one does so.

"For years you've worked so hard— you hunched over those books 'till your nose bled, tripped on rocks because you're always losing sleep, and cried beneath the stairs because things won't go your way! You spitted those people who did nothing but mock you for being an adopted child — for having no ounce of Kim blood running down your veins. And now you're just going to abandon it all? What for!? You've come so far so why are you stopping now!?"

Those words shouldn't pierce Renjun more than they should. He is only a soul who never really got to live the life of Renjun Huang. So really, it has nothing to do with him in the first place for he is only trying to survive. 

But he glances over the veins popping from Donghyuck's neck as he strains on his throat to scream at him, and Renjun is suddenly doubting everything. Is that really all Renjun Huang is to him? A villain destined to die? The name of the stranger's body he's now lived in?

He doesn't know how, but the words automatically come out of Renjun as he screams back, "Because I'm tired Donghyuck! I'm tired! Haven't you thought of that!? I'm tired of chasing something I'm not even sure is there! You said it yourself, didn't you?"

Strange, Renjun thought as the words slip out of his mouth. Why did every syllable felt like he actually meant it?

"That no matter what I do, I will never be like my older sister. And it's true! So what am I here for? What do I need to prove? I've lost finding a reason to stay here!"

"They grew you up, Renjun! They gave you a family!" The desperation is distinct as Donghyuck loses control in the way he sounds, "They took you in and took care of you! And this is how you pay them back?"

"Exactly, Donghyuck! Exactly!" There is a sense of deja vu as Renjun runs on autopilot, like he's felt something so similar before.

"There is no need for them to take care of an extra burden; an artificial, useless extension of this family they don't have to bear on their shoulders anymore, so I have to leave! This is the best I can do for them!"

Ah, perhaps this feeling has been sitting in his heart for a long while. It's been long buried that Renjun could not even remember when it began growing inside of him.

Donghyuck pierces his gaze towards the anger painfully written on Renjun's face, and for once Renjun has never seen such broken eyes from him.

"Renjun," The voice is now soft, vulnerable even, as it awfully contradicts Donghyuck's screams moments ago, "you don't think like that—"

"Yes, I do!" Renjun is loud, a volume he thought he could never reach if not for the situation as anger slowly dissolves into despair, "Shouldn't you, out of all people, know how it feels to be this way? Isn't that why you know me so well?"

He thinks this submerged feeling has probably been there since the beginning, as Renjun remembers the words of an old friend.

"Supposedly." Donghyuck mutters with a tone of disappointment, towards Renjun or himself, Renjun doesn't know. "I once did."

He doesn't want to know.

The residence's clock tower rings a bell from a distance as its sound is faint. Renjun turns away from Donghyuck as he moves his feet. It was time for him to go.

There was no point in this conversation.

"It's always been you, do you know that?"

Renjun stops. He turns back. "What do you mean?"

"It's exactly what it means," Donghyuck is smiling towards him, but it looks so bittersweet that Renjun can almost taste it directly on his tongue, "Your twinkling eyes when you've found yourself too deep in class. Your blinding smile that could always rival the sun no matter how bright it would shine any day. Your rose hair whenever it's being softly blown away by the wind. Just like right now."

The sun has slowly started to set as it smolders so gently on Donghyuck's figure, reflecting an iridescent shine on his skin. It's such a pretty scene, Renjun bitterly admits. Tragically pretty. He can't even bring it in himself to admire with a smile.

"Hyuck, do you even understand—"

"Yes," Donghyuck cuts him off sharp and firm, as Renjun is left to be stunned as Donghyuck walks over him, "I understand more than anyone else." The distance between them slowly lessens, and Donghyuck grabs both of Renjun's hands, a gentle but strong grasp on them while they bask in the afternoon sun waning, "I know what my heart has always been screaming in all those years."

"Hyuck...."

"So please, Renjun," Both hands are lifted as Donghyuck brings them to his forehead, bowing slightly as he presses further the touch, "I'm begging you. Please. Stay."

-

Being the crown prince meant Jaemin had everything even before he was even born.

Wealth is not a problem for his family runs the empire. Beauty will always be by his advantage when the royal family will always be the standard. Education and friends are within the reach of his fingertips. 

Even at a young age, Jaemin has always been taught that one word, one flick of a wrist, a simple nod of his head, and anything will be his.

And though there was never a moment where he thought of abusing it so, there was not a time where he doubted this truth.

But as he watches Renjun mix the colors on the palette, wrist rotating in mindless motions that Jaemin remembers even truths can be proven wrong otherwise.

"You seem distracted," He starts with a grin. Jaemin's grins are usually practiced or one hiding with other intentions, and yet with Renjun he doesn't even need to try. 

Breaking the silence in the crown prince's office seems to pull Renjun back, brush in his hand slowly lifted from the goo of paint as his gentle fingers bring them to the canvas in front of him, "I apologize, Your Highness. There have just been a lot of things going on in my mind lately."

He doesn't even notice, but Jaemin realizes a little too late that he's leaned his elbow on the chair, his cheek resting on his palm as he says, "I'm assuming it's about what you wrote in one of your letters?" It might seem impossible which letter Jaemin is talking about with the number of letters they've exchanged for months, but it's not really a secret between the two of them that one letter stands out from the others.

"Yes, Your Highness. It appears that a few people I know did not take the idea well."

Jaemin laughs, more carefree than he's supposed to let on, "I figured. I've never seen the eldest son of the Lee's so pale as I did before."

Renjun fidgets on his fingers, Jaemin catching the way his thumb presses its nail on the brush, "I once again apologize, Your Highness. Rest assured that your portrait will still go well."

"I'm not really worried about that, Renjun," Jaemin replies a little too hurriedly. It was only my excuse for you to paint me a portrait so I could see you, Jaemin almost says. He digresses on time, "I'm more worried about you, please never hesitate to reach out to me."

Renjun looks over Jaemin with a look he cannot decipher. Pain? Disbelief? Gratitude? Jaemin wants to uncover it, though he knows he probably couldn't.

From his seat, Renjun bends his body slightly, "I will never forget your kindness, Your Highness."

"Didn't I tell you to drop the formalities?"

It was only meant to be a jest, with experience teaching Jaemin that it will never be successful on the first try to make people act casual with him. It will be difficult, even to those he has known for years.

But then Renjun chuckles at him, a radiant smile that fits perfectly with a ray of sun casting on his face while it highlights the clearness of his eyes. Renjun with all his defenses down is the prettiest Renjun, Jaemin confirms to anyone but himself.

"Okay, Jaemin."

And Jaemin suddenly feels himself taken back to their first meeting.

Crown Prince Jaemin Na knew it from the start. 

"Greetings upon the Great Star of the Na Empire."

From the moment he heard of that voice, he knew he was bound to be enchanted.

"I am Renjun Huang of the House of Kim, Your Highness."

Renjun. Jaemin knew he will be remembering that name for years to come, scarily maybe even his whole lifetime.

"I would really like it if you could lift up your head."

It was those eyes. Jaemin knew it from there on. The stars that reside within those eyes.

Those eyes can make Jaemin imagine a future with this man. One where they lead the empire, marry him in front of the gods, adopt a child of their own, doing nothing and everything all at the same time. The stars in those eyes told him so.

"Oftentimes, we don't get to choose the thorns that we walk upon. But when we do, we choose those we know we can bear to suffer from."

A breeze passes by the man as he gives it a small smile of his own, wind caressing his hair as if to engulf him in a gentle embrace. And it was there, at that moment, that Jaemin finally knew:

"I could have everything in this world, but it would never be enough if I never have you."

All of a sudden, the glass of the windows shatters across the room.

-

Cloaked and masked men enter through the destroyed windows, slowly filling in the once almost barren room.

It takes barely half a second for Renjun to realize what was going on as he unconsciously screams, "Intruders!"

Chaos befalls the place as a few knights along with him and Jaemin fight off the unwelcomed people. Renjun has taken enough classes from the academy to be able to defend himself, or so he thought.

Everything fades into a blur as Renjun allows himself to drown in his fighting instinct, pain being welcomed in his body as he continues to attack his opponents, a certain pain on his right a little more hurtful than the others but Renjun ignores it as he fights one masked man to another.

It takes a few more minutes before the fights get subdued, as the rebels slowly retreat with lack of manpower with their defeat.

Renjun takes the chance to slowly scan his eyes on the people in the room, a sigh of relief when he sees not a single person heavily injured.

"It's good that nobody's badly injured." He offhandedly says, a little too loud to be a mutter.

"....Renjun?" Jaemin calls to him, and Renjun swiftly turns to the crown prince with how wary he sounds, "Your Highness, is there something wrong?"

But instead of getting a reply, Jaemin shakily points to him and— why did Renjun feel like he's drooling?

It takes a second late for Renjun to realize that the prince is pointing specifically to his right, and as Renjun places his hand on it— it's wet.

He turns his hand to face its palm, and as Renjun looks down, copious amounts of blood fill his hand and ribs. Dark red was everywhere on his clothes.

Renjun turns back to Jaemin, words not forming on their own as the pain slowly trickles back to his senses. He feels himself slowly drooling even more.

Hurried footsteps can be heard from the distance as Renjun uses almost all of his might to turn to the door.

Mark and Jeno's horrified faces and distant screaming are the last things he remembers before everything fades to black.

Chapter 54: If You Could Stay

His bedroom ceiling is the first thing Renjun sees when he regains his consciousness.

Funny, Renjun thinks, it's just like the first time he came here.

There are traces of magic everywhere in his room and the sun is just about to set, which probably meant he's been asleep for only a few hours. Magic heals faster than medicine, after all.

Renjun has been tested to have magic, despite it never manifesting later. That's probably one of the reasons why the marquess and marchioness of Kim took him in: it would be an advantage to them if the successor was someone who could possibly wield magic. Not that it really mattered anymore.

Feeling a little too wary, Renjun turns to his right only to see Mark sitting right by his bed.

For the first time, Renjun is seeing Mark without a smile on his face.

"Mark—"

Mark interrupts him before he can even continue, "Do you know how worried we were!? Do you know how devastating it was to see you so pale and lifeless, lying in someone else's arms covered in blood!?"

"Mark, I'm—" Renjun tries to interfere, but Mark can't seem to be stopped.

"You look so different, Renjun, it kills me to remember! I felt like I would never see your eyes open again! Can you imagine what could have happened if the mages were a little too late in saving you? I'd kill thousands just to see you alive!"

Renjun can feel his head spin from confusion. Being disoriented gets the best of him, "Mark, it's oka—"

"No, it's not!" There was finality in the way Mark screams, as if it was firm and nothing could ever change his mind.

Renjun is overwhelmed with distraught as he looks at the Mark in front of him.

Mark has never screamed at anyone, no matter how disappointing or infuriating a situation could be. He would always plaster an amiable face without difficulty because it was never easy, almost impossible to anger Mark. He could always smile no matter how difficult the situation.

And yet.

"Mark, don't say that," Renjun treads carefully, walking on eggshells so as to not further irritate Mark, "It's not a big deal. And besides, you're the successor of the duke. You can't say things like that so carelessly, you know?"

"No, Renjun," Mark remains unyielding, although Renjun can see a hint of softness in his eyes, "I know what I'm saying, and I mean every word of it."

"Wha...." What do you mean, is what Renjun wanted to ask, but he's too afraid to find out the answer; too scared to have his suspicions confirmed.

Renjun's got a gut feeling from the start, ignoring it even with all the signs. He wouldn't know what to do if he's proven to be right all along.

Renjun doesn't know if he wants to be proven right or wrong.

"You dying is the worst," Mark is hoarse as he gingerly grabs Renjun's hand, runs his own fingers to Renjun's, "But you dying knowing I can't do anything about it will cause me to lose all my senses. I'm ready to abandon everything just not to lose you."

"I'm...." Renjun couldn't find the right words to say, so he settles with, "sorry."

"Just stay alive, Renjun," He brings Renjun's hand to his own cheek, "Hate me when you want to, break my heart if you must. Leave from here and run away if you need to even if it will shatter me to pieces. But please, stay alive."

Mark presses himself further into Renjun's palm, as if memorizing the feeling of Renjun for him to never forget and always remember.

Renjun wants to call Mark, but digresses.

For the first time, Mark is being selfish as he pleads. 

"I'll do everything, Renjun. Just stay alive for me." 

-

Yerim and Jeno were already in the garden when Renjun and Mark arrived, and Renjun isn't quite sure if having everyone gathered was a good omen or a bad one.

"Renjun! You're awake!" Yerim's eyes are brimming red, skin on her nose also fostering the same shade of color, "Why are you forcing yourself to walk? You should be resting!"

"Magic has already healed me, sister," Renjun attempts to laugh but feels a sharp pain on his right that it suppresses into a chuckle, "I can barely even feel the wound now."

Although his brows are furrowed, Renjun can see from his peripheral vision Jeno squinting his eyes at him. He ignores it.

"We can't risk the wound opening again!" Yerim's grip on the handkerchief in her hand tightens, "Do you know how worried I was? You came home bloodied!"

Renjun closes the distance between them as he takes a seat beside Yerim, reaching out for her hand to build some form of reassurance, "I'm sorry, sister. I'll take care of myself better next time."

"Nevermind that," Yerim tightens their hands, the feeling of familial warmth radiating from the touch that Renjun feels undeserving of, "It wasn't your fault you got injured. I just don't want anything else happening to you after that."

"I'm sorry, Yerim," Mark interrupts, "He insisted on walking down here."

Of course, I insisted, Renjun grits to himself.

"It's alright," Yerim's voice pierces through Renjun's thoughts before he can dwell on it even more, "You know how stubborn he can be."

"If you guys mind," Jeno starts, Renjun vaguely acknowledging the eyes of the other that never left his figure, "I would like to have a conversation with Renjun—"

"Oh, sure! Wha—"

"—in private."

"Oh," Yerim finally understands, slowly lifting herself up from her seat as she gently pushes Mark with her, "I guess me and Mark will give you space."

And though Yerim has basically given the permission, her hesitance is still visible to Renjun as she gives Jeno a soft glare, "Don't be so hard on him, okay?"

The chuckle Jeno lets out sounds firm and confident, "I couldn't even if I tried."

If Renjun turned his head, he would have seen the way Mark's eyes widened, filled with realization.

And just like that, the garden becomes a space just for the two of them.

"Renjun," Jeno moves beside Renjun, replacing the warmth Yerim radiates. They really don't give out the same warmth but Renjun really doesn't mind the difference.

"You said you wanted to run away, right? Then run away with me."

It takes a few seconds for Renjun to digest the words, as the reply comes out of his mouth before he even realizes, "Jeno, what are you talking about? You know that's not possible—"

"Can it be me this time?" Jeno's reply knocks Renjun off, throws him off suspecting as Jeno reaches out to his hand, "Can it be me, just for once?"

"....Jeno?"

"All my life, it's always been my brothers." Jeno hung his head low, but Renjun did not need to see his face to know that whatever he is conveying is raw and genuine, "It's Mark that's always been praised because of how perfectly molded he is to inherit the title of our father. Donghyuck has always been spoiled because of how naturally gifted he is to become a scholar. And where does that leave me?"

Jeno fiddles on his fingers ever so gently but Renjun can hear his voice venom out bitterness and anguish.

"I have to work day and night, yield the sword until my hands form calluses that only sting even in the nights where I'm supposed to be sleeping just so they could see my worth, just for people to see me as a child worthy to be called a Lee!"

Renjun did not need to see Jeno's eyes to know. They are two beings whose souls are shaded in the same color.

"Jeno," Renjun desperately convinces, "you are more than that."

"That." And Jeno lifts up his head, eyes almost brimmed with tears as it seems to be filled with the same desperation Renjun wants to give, "That, Renjun. You've always seen me above all that I thought I was. Beyond all the swords, beyond all the reputation I've built to myself you've broken past all of it only for you to accept who I am without all the conditions and the benefits. You showed me that I can be whatever I may be and still be worthy all along. Do you get it now?"

Jeno is smiling, but it's not sweet nor painful. Renjun fears it might be a smile of desperation and salvation.

"Renjun, you showed me what it feels like to love and what it might feel like to be loved. How am I supposed to go on and move forward without you, knowing I'll probably never feel the same again? How do you expect me to ever hope for love once more when you're walking away, never for me to be seen and held again?"

"Jeno, I..." Renjun can hear the hidden words Jeno chooses not to say, even when he's holding himself back so much. Renjun loathes himself for being the cause of his agony.

"You don't have to answer me right now, Renjun. I know this is too selfish of me. But please. If I can't make you stay, let me come with you. Let me stay by your side so I may never lose sight of you. Never seeing your face, not being able to hold you in my arms once again— I don't think I can bear that."

Jeno hesitates, but builds enough courage to connect his forehead with Renjun's.

"Every single time, I've allowed myself to lose against them. But with you, I just can't hold still and do nothing."

With such close distance, Renjun can feel the words from Jeno's heart to his own, Jeno's eyes never breaking away.

"Renjun, I was never greedy until I met you."

Chapter 63: Across the Universe

The stars are much clearer in this universe than in Renjun's past life.

They shine brighter, to the point where the vast darkness that surrounds them seems only to grow more pitch black than they seem to be, like they hold so much more than they appear. It's the lack of light pollution in this world, Renjun watches above.

It's a habit he could not get rid of.

When he was young, he would sneak out into his grandfather's field to look at the night sky. 

When he got older, he would hold the keys to his dormitory's rooftop door for he frequents his stay there, counting the stars for hours.

Now that he's here, Renjun couldn't quite shake the idea of gazing at the sky above when the sun sets, as it is adorned with little twinkling dots.

There's something always so assuring about the image of the stars and the dark sky. Renjun seems to find himself amongst them so easily.

"Do you have a lot on your mind lately?" is what he asks the young man standing in the garden, Renjun's feet walking in his direction.

Jisung Park is an old friend. Born as a prodigy mage, he was brought in by the Kims to become a great asset to the household. True to their prediction, Jisung is set to be a candidate for being the next head of the mage tower.

Apparently, Mr. Kim thought it would also be beneficial for young Renjun to build friendships with those who are like him. And though Renjun never really manifests his magic even when he got older, their friendship remains the same.

"Shouldn't you be speaking for yourself?" is what Renjun hears when he finally stands beside Jisung. 

He laughs as he's caught red-handed, "There really is nothing you can hide from a mage."

"That's not really the case," Jising matches Renjun's disposition, "People have simply learned to limit their minds on thinking of what magic and mana can do."

"Oh really? Then what other things can it do?"

"Hmm," Jisung seems like he's contemplating but Renjun knows enough that he's already planned his words, "Young master, do you believe in having multiple lives? In a universe different from ours?"

The amusement in Renjun fades away.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Humans are bound to live multiple lives," Jisung starts as he gazes his eyes towards the night sky, the same sky Renjun has always found solace with, "However, it is only with a stroke of luck that these lives can live in the same universe."

He feels quite lucky that Jisung is looking somewhere else but him, for Renjun knows the shakiness in his eyes is visible with just one glance. 

"Mages born with rich and strong mana can detect lives from different universes." Jisung continues, wonder in his voice, "Some can even track their previous lives. Do you see now what magic can do?"

"....Jisung." Renjun calls, wanting to sound firm but the effort is not enough that it sounds nearly flat.

"Yes, young master?"

"Is it possible," wanting is different from needing, and Renjun is certain there is something he should know, "for someone to come back to their past life?"

The question doesn't seem to catch Jisung off-guard, but it was enough to make him turn to look Renjun in the eyes, staring at the other as if thinking of the right answer before replying,

"Yes, it is possible. However, the mana must be plentiful and strong enough to withstand the consequences of defying the causality within universes. And so, there has been no recorded case of one."

"Plentiful and strong?"

"Yes," The smile on Jisung's face seems odd, almost as if he knew everything Renjun didn't, "Oftentimes, it can be enhanced through training though no mage has trained enough to be able to do it. People who are naturally gifted with rich mana however can enhance them easier."

Jisung keeps tossing the bait, Renjun belatedly realizes as he falls for it once again, "What do you mean by that?"

"For example," There goes that smile again, so knowing and perceptive yet so genuine that it leaves no room for Renjun but to pour his trust on it, "untrained people with mana can easily enflare and trigger their own through emotions and outside experiences."

The sky above them, one that was dark enough to show the bright stars adorned on it, seem to twinkle more intensely than they ever did before. Renjun feels more aware of its vastness.

"Young master Renjun?"

Renjun turns to Jisung, "Yes?"

"Have you ever felt like you've been running in circles your entire life?"

Oh.

Renjun thinks he quite understands now.

Looking up at the sky, he lets out a small laugh, "An old friend of mine said the same thing."

Jisung lets out his own chuckle, and Renjun might actually have an idea what that chuckle was for.

"And what did you say?"

I don't think I ever told him directly, Renjun grins at the sky, for once freeing himself from all burden his shoulders seem to carry. But I know he's already heard it himself.

"That he's right, like the motherfucker he's always been."