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Sakura smiled as she looked at the bulletin. She was, once more, ranked number 1 in their batch. It gave her good feelings, seeing her name on top of the list. It was little accomplishments like this that makes her feel alive. In a way, she is recognized. She feels she exists.
Sakura had always been an introvert. It wasn't like she doesn't want to have friends, but she didn't know how. She's very awkward around other people, and she feels most comfortable when she's alone. So, she didn't really have much to do but study, and she didn't have much to anticipate except for when they would post the ranks after their exams and she would see her name. And she'd have proven once again that yes, she does exist. She oftentimes feels invisible since no one ever notices her, really. It wasn't like she feels bitter about it... sometimes, it just gets too lonely.
"Number 2. Again. Tsk." Sakura heard someone said from her right. She glanced in that direction and saw two boys from her year, though she wasn't sure from which section. She looked back at the list and saw the name written under hers: 'Uchiha Sasuke.'
"What are you complaining about?" The other boy said, looking a little irritated at his friend.
"I'm only number 2!" Sasuke had complained.
"You're number 2!" The other guy said, sounding exasperated. "Why are you complaining?? I'm number 47! And Naruto is actually number 202 out of 250 students!"
"I want to be number 1! My brother was always number 1. And you know how I hate losing to him. Who is this Haruno Sakura, anyway? She's always number 1 " Sasuke said, looking very much frustrated indeed.
Sakura has only realized she was staring at him when her eyes met his. She stiffens but quickly looked away, trying to act as if she wasn't practically having a panic attack. It felt like it was the first time someone actually looked at her.
She didn't look back to check if Sasuke was still looking, but instead fixed her eyes on their names. She frowned as she recalled Sasuke's words. She didn't realize she was making someone unhappy by being number 1.
--
After the little incident, Sakura had gone back to her usual routine. Listening during class, eating alone in the stairway during lunch, studying in the library after classes, then studying some more when she arrived home, and generally being invisible to everyone.
She had thought of what that Sasuke said oftentimes, though. And she made a decision. She didn't want to make anyone unhappy, so during their next exam, she tried her best to not get a perfect score like she usually does.
When the ranks went out, she was a little disappointed to see that her name was still on top of the list. But she had thought that at least this time, she was tied with Sasuke. Still, she felt like she failed. She had answered two questions wrong on purpose, but that doesn't seem to be enough... She looked around her at the thought of Sasuke and found him standing just behind her. She let out a little squeak, and for the second time, her eyes met with Sasuke's. Again, she quickly looks away and tried to distanced herself from him. When she was far enough to be noticed, but close enough to hear, she watched Sasuke and two of his friends as they checked the list. She had seen Sasuke smiled and felt somewhat relieved.
One of his friends, the same one as before had thumped him on the back and congratulated him. The other one, someone from her class, she realized –Uzumaki Naruto had started complaining about his own rank. 205th this time, it seems.
"It feels good to be number 1." Sasuke had said, "Though I guess I can never really beat this Sakura..." He said with a small frown.
"Oh, Haruno Sakura?" Naruto asked. "She's from my class. Well, all she does is study, it's really no wonder."
Sakura gasped at what she heard. She didn't know someone actually knew her. It somehow felt... nice.
"She's from your class? Have I met her? One of your friends?" Sasuke asked, turning to Naruto.
"Nah... Frankly, I don't think she has any friends. She's kinda weird... Don't know if she's just shy or whatever, but she never talks and she always has her face covered by a book. I'm actually not very sure what she looks like... It feels like I haven't really seen her face. And I don't think I ever heard her speak even once. So everyone just kinda ignores her. She doesn't exactly give the vibe that she wants anyone near her." Naruto said.
Sakura stared at Naruto. She never knew that was how she was perceived. She never knew she was actually perceived as anything. She knew there must be something wrong about her, but she didn't realize everyone else noticed. She didn't realize she is noticed, period.
Sasuke stared at Naruto for a while, looking like he was thinking, but then he turned back to the list and said very softly that Sakura had barely heard him, "Well, guess that's why. Still though, I wish I could be number 1... as in the only number 1."
"Why are you so grade conscious, anyway?" The other friend asked, looking irritated once more.
Sasuke shrugged.
"Not grade conscious really. More like overly competitive with his brother." Naruto said.
--
For the next exam, Sakura purposefully got four questions wrong. She has her fingers crossed as she looks up the list.
'Does this mean he got five questions wrong?? I should've answered two more wrong...' She thought desperately.
She could feel her heart plummet when she saw her name at the top. She still couldn't do it. She was still number 1. She felt very much depressed, but quickly went away because she knew Sasuke and his friends will be coming as well.
She got away just in time, when she was away from the crowd, she saw Sasuke and his two friends making their way to the list. She carefully walked a bit closer to them so she could hear what they were talking about.
"...kinda expected it. I wasn't able to revise." Sasuke was saying. Sakura sighed, feeling down. She didn't think about that.
"You weren't able to revise and still top?! What is wrong with you??" Naruto said, with a Sasuke-kune of disgust. Sakura didn't know why though.
Sasuke ignored him and started looking around. Sakura was confused, but all thought processes ceased when Sasuke' eyes landed on her and stopped right there.
He was frowning, that was the only thought that registered in her mind. She didn't realize she was actually gaping. They stared at each other for a while, until Sakura had finally gotten over her shock and started running away from him. She couldn't understand what that meant. Was he frowning at her? Was he looking for her earlier? Why? Does he know she is Haruno Sakura? Is he maybe angry at her? He must be... Maybe he even hates her for always beating him in the ranking. She didn't know why, but she felt as if something heavy had clogged down her throat at the thought.
After her classes ended, she proceeded to the library to do a bit of studying, as usual. But after about fifteen minutes of being there, Sasuke had also come. He sat at the table in front of her and started reading.
He didn't really acknowledge her or anything. It might be that he didn't even notice she was there, but Sakura wasn't able to study at all. She felt so conscious somehow, and she could absorb nothing from her notes. After about an hour, she started packing and went home. And even there, she couldn't even muster the will to open her notes. She just felt tired, and went straight to bed.
--
For their next exam, Sakura didn't review. She didn't open her notes even once. She wasn't really sure how she did, but she was hoping she succeeded this time.
She felt optimistic as she made her way to the list. She actually started looking at the names starting from the bottom towards the top. She felt as if someone up there was really out to get her when she saw her name was still besides number 1. She closed her eyes in shame. She felt so defeated. Why can't she just be number 2 for once??
"Yep, still number 2." A very familiar voice said from her back. She reflexively looked back and suddenly she was looking at Sasuke looking at her. His face was blank, but he was definitely looking at her. Sakura didn't wait another second and started getting away.
--
For their next exam, Sakura did review, but only to make sure she will be answering wrongly.
She wasn't hoping much when she went in front of the list. She was actually dreading seeing her name, but she mustered her courage and started looking up.
Her name... wasn't beside number 1. It was beside number 2, under Uchiha Sasuke's name.
Sakura almost couldn't believe it. She finally did it. A smile was forming in her lips when someone very close to her back-- it sounded right in front of her ears-- spoke.
"You did it on purpose."
Sakura squeaked feeling very scared just then. Slowly, she looked to her back and found Uchiha Sasuke frowning at her. He wasn't with his friends this time.
They were quiet for a while, until Sasuke spoke again.
"You let me rank first." He said.
"Ah... Uhm..." Sakura started.
"What was that?" Sasuke asked, moving closer to Sakura.
Sakura gulped and started once more, in a louder voice (though it was still very soft). "You... know me?" She asked him.
Sasuke blinked at her. "Yeah. Haruno Sakura. Naruto's in your class. He's my friend." He said, looking nonplussed.
"Yes..." Sakura said softly. It didn't seem like Sasuke heard.
"Why did you do it?" He asked her.
"Huh?" Sakura asked back, confused. Her head was already on turbo. She was processing at lightning speed. She was thinking what the Sasuke-kune of his voice meant, why he was standing so close to her, what is happening around them—she can't seem to see, like it was just the two of them in the hallway when that was obviously not the case. Are other people actually looking at them? What must he be thinking? How was he actually perceiving her at that moment... did she do something? She was analyzing everything.
"You chose wrong answers on purpose, didn't you?" Sasuke spoke again, interrupting Sakura's thought. "Why did you do it?"
"Ah..." She started, trying to concentrate on the question. "I... I thought you'd be happy to be number 1..." She told him.
Sasuke's frown deepened. And Sakura felt a little scared.
"I wouldn't be happy if I won because you let me." He said softly.
Sakura's mind was on turbo again, but she tried to ignore it. "Sorry." She said with a low bow because she was at least sure that she made him unhappy again, although she didn't completely understand everything yet.
"Hey, stop that." Sasuke suddenly said grabbing her shoulder and making her stand up right. He looked very surprised at what she did, and she wondered if it was a mistake to bow.
"Just... don't do that next time. I want to beat you at your best. That's the only way to really win." He told her.
Sakura understood that line of reasoning. And she realized she had been insensitive. Of course, he would feel that way. He must have thought she was underestimating him-- even mocking him. She felt ashamed. "Oh... Sorry." She said again, but didn't bow this time.
"So, you won't do it again?" He asked, one eyebrow raised.
"I won't..." She said very softly.
She was surprised when he smiled at her.
"So, it's a deal." He said and offered her a hand to shake.
She only stared at it for the first five seconds, but when Sasuke was about to withdraw, she took it, without thinking further.
For the second time, he smiled at her. And Sakura couldn't really understand how she felt.
--
For the next time, as she had promised, she had done her best to revise. She even doubled her effort than usual. She didn't want to upset Sasuke more. She'd thought about that. How it came to be that she now felt obliged to try and make Sasuke happy or something. She couldn't understand it much though, no matter how she thought about it. She didn't want to upset anyone, yes, but it seems like that really wasn't the reason why she was doing this. Why was she so affected things regarding Sasuke? She didn't even know him before... so why? It was a lot to think about, but when she let her mind drift, it felt like it just goes around and doesn't really find any conclusion.
When she next made her way to the list, she saw that Sasuke was already there.
His back was hunched and she felt sad. She must have been number 1 once more.
"Ah... I'm sorry." She said when she was near enough.
Sasuke didn't even look at her but said, "Don't apologize. It'll make me feel worse."
Sakura winced. She didn't want to make it worse.
"Sorry." She said automatically.
"I said don't." Sasuke said.
"Ah..." Sakura trailed off into silence, not knowing what to say anymore.
"So, you did your best, huh? What's your score?" He asked, finally looking at her and even smiling a little. Sakura felt somehow relieved.
"Uhm, 100 percent." She told him.
Sasuke sighed heavily. Sakura wanted to apologize but she kept quiet because she knew he didn't want her to.
"Thank you for not apologizing." He said after a beat.
Sakura only nodded; still afraid she would say something to upset him further.
"You are so weird." He suddenly said, looking right at her.
"Ah, I know. I'm sorry." She said and then closed her eyes. She just automatically apologized.
"Why are you apologizing again?" Sasuke asked, but he didn't look angry. He looked confused.
"I-I'm sorry if I weird you out. I know something must be w-wrong with me, so..." She trailed off.
Sasuke looked at her with furrowed eyebrows.
"Nothing's wrong with you as far as I can see..." He told her. "Why do you think so?"
Sakura felt herself blush. She hadn't really talked much to anyone outside her family. She feels a bit anxious and insecure. What if she said something that would make her look even more weird?
"Well... I... I don't have friends," she said. Sasuke nodded but still looked expectant so she continued. "And they say students normally doesn't study so much... and I'm awkward, and I always feel anxious when I'm around people... and I'm too quiet... that's weird right?" She had asked him at the end.
Sasuke looked at her for a while and then said, "Don't let other people define what is weird and what is normal."
"You... well, you did tell me I'm weird..." Sakura pointed out a little apologetically. She had mustered a lot of courage to say so.
"Well, to me you are." Sasuke said with a shrug. "But it doesn't suppose to seem that way for you. I mean, everyone is weird in some way. Which means everyone really isn't weird. It's normal to have some weirdness, do you get me?" He said.
"I..." She started softly, her mind on turbo again.
"Hmm?" Sasuke inquired.
"I... never thought of it that way..." Sakura said.
"Well, you should." Sasuke said. "And about not having any friends... I don't think it's because you're weird... it's just because you're a shy introvert."
Sakura knew that. She had read all about those. But she thought that she was actually a weird kind of introvert. That maybe even around other introverts, she wouldn't fit.
"And if you want to, we can be friends." Sasuke suddenly says.
Sakura felt very surprised at his words. She wondered if she was actually dreaming. Did she really hear him say that? She suddenly felt happy. Very very happy.
"...Are you really asking... me?"
Sasuke shrugged carelessly.
"On one condition." He said.
Sakura looked at him expectantly.
"Tell me how exactly do you study?" He started, suddenly looking very frustrated. "Are you just a natural genius, or is there a technique?"
Sakura smiled. She is feeling happy, and somehow seeing Sasuke that way looked funny to her. She saw Sasuke's eyes widen but didn't really understand why.
"I can help you study. Friends help each other, don't they?" She asked a little excitedly.
Sasuke was silent, just looking at her. She grew worried, and was about to ask what was wrong when he started speaking.
"Y-yeah. y-you do... that." He stuttered out.
Sakura blinked at him, not understanding why he was suddenly acting so stiff.
And then suddenly, red colors his face.
Sakura didn't know what to think of that.
--
It was very new to Sakura, what happens in the next days. Sasuke had started studying with her in the library. It seems he'd known all along that she goes there every day. And then he started calling her ‘Sakura’ instead of his usual 'Haruno' or 'You' and demanded she calls him Sasuke (she started calling 'Uchiha-san’ at first). He said that was what friends are supposed to do.
Then he started going to her classroom during lunch breaks (before she could go to the staircase) so they could study while eating. And suddenly he began dragging her to the cafeteria. He had introduced her to his friends. She already knew Naruto. The other guy she didn't know the name of finally named – Sai. They also had two more female friends, Yamanaka Ino and Hyuuga Hinata. Somehow that led to her having a permanent seat on their table that if she missed lunch with them, they'd start worrying.
Sai and Naruto had also started asking her about their lessons, and sometimes they would ask her help for their homework. The other girls would try to help the boys as well, though they said they were doing it to help her teach them, not to help the boys, specifically. There was a time when the boys asked her if they could join her and Sasuke in the library after class. Sakura was about to say yes, but Sasuke intercepted her and told the two that they don't study in the library anymore. Sakura felt sad about that. She liked their library sessions. It was just the two of them during that time and though she was thankful of the others letting her join them, she still couldn't help but feel a little anxious around them. She still felt most comfortable with just Sasuke. But it seemed that Sasuke didn't want to continue those study sessions.
After classes though, Sasuke went to her classroom and dragged her to the library. And as per usual, they started studying. Somehow, their library meeting has become their secret after that.
But they also do other things besides studying. Sasuke's friends were very chatty, and Sakura likes listening to their stories and their laughter. One time, the girls also invited her to go shopping. It was the first time for her, and she felt very much overwhelmed. They bought her new dresses and make up though she told them she didn't really know how to use them. And so, the day after that, they showed her how to use them. They made her up, and it felt a little weird to put so many things on her face, but it wasn't unpleasant. She was quite happy to be able to do things like those. She always wondered how it felt to hang out with other girls. But she thought she must have looked weird though, because after they were done, Sasuke had stared at her for a full minute and asked, sounding a little aghast, what she'd done to her face.
She's very happy because she finally has a friend. She wasn't sure if she can call the others her friends but it would be great if they let her. Because of them she was excited to go to school more.
--
When the list for their latest exam was posted, Sakura and Sasuke went together.
Sakura felt very much excited, but she didn't even know why. It was with her heart beating fast when she looked at the top of the list.
'1. Uchiha Sasuke
2. Haruno Sakura'
Sakura's eyes widen and she let out a little gasp. She didn't doubt Sasuke could do it, but it still surprised her to see his name above hers. But then suddenly, arms had wrapped around her and Sasuke was hugging her and laughing. Sakura was a little surprised – it was a first for someone to get very close to her, but she took it in her stride.
"You did it!" She said. This seemed to jolt Sasuke some way, though, and he stiffened and hastily let go of her.
"Sorry." He muttered. He didn't look at her though, and just look up the list. Sakura watched him. He was quiet for a moment, and then a small smile form on his lips.
"It still doesn't feel like I won though, since you helped me." He said, after a while.
Sakura smiled at him.
"Friends don't need to compete to each other. A friend's victory should be the other's, too." She told him. He had told her many things about what he believes in friendship, and Sakura took every word to heart. Now, with Sasuke being her friend, she understood the term a little bit more, too.
"That's true, I guess. We worked hard together so we're number 1." Sasuke looked at her, smiled and ruffled her hair. Sakura giggled, feeling like she had never been so happy.
And then there was Sai and Naruto. Sai was thanking Sakura because he had upped in ranks. He was now in number 27. Naruto was actually crying because he's now in 189.
"You two worked hard." Sakura told them.
Her words seem to have triggered more tears from Naruto though, and for the second time that day, she found herself being hugged, now by a very emotional Naruto. Sai was laughing at him, and Sakura couldn't help but laugh too. Sakura wondered if maybe these two were already her friends. She has to ask though, to be sure. Sai tried to get Sakura away from Naruto but Naruto wasn't letting go, still crying actual tears. Sakura was trying to calm him down.
None of the three saw Sasuke frowning at them.
-
END.
As in NOT TBC. END.