Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

~-The Essex-class-~

I am USS Essex, CV-9, Fleet carrier of the United States Navy, Eagle Union. Nicknamed "The Fightin'est ship in the fleet" for my service during the war.

I birthed a new era of carrier dominance in, not only the Pacific, but the world. Something which my seniors before me, paved the way for.

I am an exceptional Aircraft Carrier, one of those that shaped the future of the world. Where aircraft ruled both the skies and the seas.

I tell myself this everyday. And Everything in it is true.

But...

It gets stale. Repetitive. Unconvincing.

Self doubt is a hell of an enemy. And something I, sadly, have to fight everyday...

'You're Amazing!' But not whenever Enterprise is in the same room.

'You're Famous!' Yet compared to Hornet, I'm a nobody.

'You have an Awesome service history!' Saratoga would beat me on word count alone.

'You took down Yamato and Musashi!' Yeah, with the help of my Sisters and Many others.

On my own? What did I do to deserve to be among these individuals? Even my sisters are more distinguished than me.

I didn't even get a cool ending to my old life. No tragic sinking, no preservation. Just... scrapped. Unneeded.

I never got to tell my story to the world. I'm just another carrier in the world's largest navy, overshadowed by everyone before and after me.

I'm a carrier of no renown, no fanfare.

"Essex..."

No one thinks of me when people say 'Distinguished Careers.'

"Essex."

I am unworthy-

"Essex!"

"Ahh! What!? Where's the danger!" Summoning my rigging, I shoulder my crossbow before realizing where I was. Sitting in a bleacher in one of the tennis courts watching Intrepid train. People outside the court stared in confusion. Shangri-la, Bunker Hill, Ticonderoga and even Intrepid on the other side looked at me, concerned.

Smiling awkwardly and de-summoning my rigging, I clear my throat. "Sorry about that I was... distracted, I guess."

"Essex, are you ok? That doesn't usually happen to you." Shangri-la, the one who was calling my name, asked. Intrepid having stopped what she was doing, now bounded over to where we were.

"I- Y-yeah I am! I was just... deep in my thoughts is all.." It's not entirely false. Oh the hell I'll pay if they find out what's on my mind. Think Essex, how do you get out of this...

"I was just... distracted thinking about... Enterprise's dinner tonight..."

'Nailed it!'

"Ok, even you don't go that far. You're loathing yourself again aren't you?"

'Fuck-'

And coming from Bunker Hill too made me cringe a little bit harder inside.

"N-no just... I-I'm fine really! You guys don't have to worry at all..."

Bunker Hill huffed, looking a bit annoyed at my answer. She then stands up, goes around behind me before grabbing my shoulders with both her hands and shaking me a bit.

"Hey! Stop that!" I call out, and Bunker hill does but not before making me face her and giving me her signature stern look.

"Essex, You're the nameship of the class, and for good reason. You're strong, brave... a bit of an air-head, but you're kind-hearted and you always strive to better yourself. And you're one of the most amazing people I know. You fight everyday, tooth and nail, against everything that stands in your way! It's like all of the sadness you endure everyday is a dungeon full of monsters that you just keep plowing through until you get to the final boss! Then you kick their ass and continue on to the next. And each dungeon you take down makes you better and better, even if it’s just a little bit. And that’s progress to becoming the best you you could be! And I know for certain that you can overcome it all because You are Essex! And even depression is Nothing before the Essex-class!"

Ticonderoga then speaks up.

"Essex, you're the dearest Big sister of the class! You've done so many amazing things in your life. Let's all not forget the many missions in world war two which earned you 13 battle stars and a presidential unit citation! With one of those missions being to stop the behemoths that were Musashi and Yamato, which you lead into a great victory against!" Tico slams her fist into her palm. The rest of my sisters nodded along, Intrepid and Bunker Hill especially. Both were in that operation after all.

"And, there's also your post-war service, remember? You were the Flagship of Carrier Division 1 and Task Force 77, the first to fly F2H Banshees on a combat mission, You provided CAS for troops in Korea. You recovered the first manned flight of the Apollo missions, Apollo 7! Neil Armstrong, the first man that landed on The Moon was part of your crew! And that's so cool!" My sisters nod again.

"Exactly!" Intrepid added, sitting down next to me and wrapping her arm around my shoulder, "You were called the Fighten'est Ship in the Fleet! E Navibus Pugnissima, It's your Motto! You fought just as hard if not harder than all of us. You earned that name during your service and it would be a big disrespect to, not only you, but your pilots and your crew!" She finishes with a firm slap to my back. After which Shangri-la takes the seat to the left of me, with Ticonderoga beside her to her left.

"Honestly, Essex we could go on and on about why we admire you and why we think you deserve to be called one of the best carriers in Eagle Union." Shang hums before taking out her notebook and flipping through a couple of pages.

"In fact, why don't we do just that!" She smiles as she adjusts her glasses, "I have a list right here of your best qualities for the last 3 years so let's have fun reading them shall we?" She clears her throat then utters 'February 28th' before I stop her from continuing by covering her mouth.

"That's not necessary! You don't need to go that far now!" I sigh, yet can't help but smile as they all collectively got together to try and cheer me up. It's endearing in a lot of ways, and while it's one thing to tell myself what my achievements are, it's another thing entirely when other people do it for you. In a way it almost makes my insecurities go away…

“To Essex! To our Big Sister!” Intrepid started, “ Essex! Essex! Essex! Essex!” She chanted and soon enough the rest of my sisters joined in. And while others outside the court look at us confused, if a bit weirded out, I was happy. Happy that they care so much, and extremely thankful for their help.

They then settle down as Ticonderoga speaks up as she stood up to come in front of me, "Come on Essex, Bring it in." She says before pulling me into a hug, one that my sisters, like some kind of hivemind, followed. I sigh in content, hugging back as best I could, though with difficulty as I was pinned in the middle of it all.

"Uhhh... guys? What's going on here... did I miss something?" I hear a voice from outside the hug say.

"Bonhomme! Group hug! Get over here!"

"Eh!? Wait! Intrepid I- Ok! Ok, I guess we're hugging now... You have a lot of explaining to do!

"In due time Bonnie, just enjoy it~"

Yeah... I guess I do put myself down a lot... but I could definately get used to this.

Though... 

Chapter Text

~-Princeton and Independence-~

"Essex? Are you ok?"

"Huh? Oh... um... yeah I think so. I just didn't really... sleep well I guess."

"Are you sure you still want to meet up with me and Princey today? If you're tired we can just postpone it till you're ok?"

"No, no. No need Indep, really I'm fine. Nothing a bit of coffee won't fix. We've been planning this outing for two weeks now and I would be a horrible person if I just delayed it any longer. Princey's been real giddy about getting this new album, she might explode if we don't go today, hehe..."

"Good point yeah hehe... So I guess we'll see you at the gates then?"

"No need. I'll pick you both up in the sidecar at... 1400 give or take."

"Sounds good to me. I gotta go now so take care of yourself Essex. I'll see later!"

"You too Indep! I'll see you later then."

And with a quick tap the call ended. Good job Essex, you didn't stutter this time! I'd say that's an achievement over the last time you spoke to Independence. She seems to have a knack of making me sputter like a broken engine, something that she and Princeton share but, Haha I win this time random bouts of stutters!

1100 hours... T-minus 3 hours till my date... I should really replace that faulty fuel line of that old Harley-Davidson of mine before going to see Indep and Princey. But first, Espresso. Maybe I should try those coffee beans I got from Sardegna.

"What do you think Mr. Eagle? Sugar or creamer? Or do I just add chocolate to the brew?" The eagle on his perch above the table cocks his head to the side, squawking at me.

"Yeah, good point, maybe not chocolate. That's a bit too much caffeine for me... I guess I'll just have sugar." I could hear Mr. Eagle squawk again, before going back to sleep atop his perch. Silly bird. You sure have it easy.

After quickly brewing my coffee, I grab my cup and carefully trot down to the garage where I have both my Gamaha sports bike and an old Harley sidecar with its original US army colors. I still need to repaint it in all honesty but I'm having trouble getting the right paint.

Ah well it's a problem for future me to handle. A problem for current me to handle right now though, is that fuel line. I take a quick sip of my (admittedly very nice and savory) sardegnian coffee and get to work.

I've been restoring this old girl for a good couple of months now. And it's going fine, there's a lot of spare parts to go around, though the electrical system is more or less iffy... batteries for this thing are surprisingly expensive.

It took a good while to actually replace the faulty fuel line and before I knew it, it was already close to 1400

"Oh crap, I'm gonna be late." Rushing back inside I grab a cap and sunglasses as well as a jacket and pants. Quickly throwing them on, I grab a jerry can to the side filled with Gas and start filling up the tank again.

I then get on after finishing up, and get ready to start her.

"Come on baby... give me one turn, just this once." I mutter as I turn the kickstarter. The engine rumbles, and revs a bit but soon dies off. I groan, then sigh as I figured I was being a bit optimistic. I try again. And again. And again.

"Come on... I did everything right... " And again. And again... nothing. I look at the time, 13:47. I'm gonna be late if I don't hurry up. I try again! And again!

One more time!

"Come on you ass, start!" I turn the kickstarter one more time and finally, it starts. The engine rumbles and purrs nicely at least... I look at the time again. 13:56.

I'm definitely late now...

"Bye Mr. Eagle! Bunker Hill's coming to take care of you later while I'm gone!" With an affirming squawk from him and pulling on the throttle, I roll the rig out of my garage and ride towards where Princey and Indep should be at.

At the front of Dunkerque's bakery was where I had told them to wait for me, and it was a good 10 minutes away from my place and there I found them outside having pastries and some milk tea.

And both looked incredibly pretty themselves, Independence had a cool look of a light blue t-shirt with three stylized F6F Hellcats up-front with the words "Keeping the skies Zero-free" written in bold, navy font. This was under a brown bomber jacket and was accompanied by gray jeans and black sneakers.

Princeton in the other hand had one of her bubblegum pink, limited edition Saratoga shirts, which features a cartoony Saratoga and Lexington, back to back, both winking with mics up to their mouths, under an opened flannel button-up and complemented with a blue short skirt over some back leggings and an identical set of sneakers to that which Independence has.

After arriving I apologized to both profusely, though they assured me that they haven't really been waiting all that long.

That was a lie, we all know it. But not wanting to sour the mood we decided to say nothing of it. Princeton also had saved me a Blueberry Muffin from the store which was nice of her, both even offered me a drink from their tea though I politely refused out of embarrassment.

We didn't spend any more time standing however and as I hop back on the motorcycle, I signal them both to get on as well.

"I call shotgun!" Princeton yells excitedly as she hops on the sidecar before Independence could argue. Indep for her part just rolled her eyes and took the seat behind me, wrapping her arms around my stomach. I can feel her breath on my neck as she rests her chin on my shoulder, making me shiver a bit from it.

"Ready when you are Essex~" Indep says in a low voice, making me blush noticeably.

"Careful there, Deppy you don't wanna kill our driver on the spot now." Princey chuckles as she gets comfy in her seat.

"I uhh... I-I'm fine what, pssh! What're you talking about? I'm totally fine!" I am totally NOT fine. Ugh stop embarrassing yourself Essex! Revving the engine to hide the large hole that was just inflicted on my dignity and putting on my sunglasses, I drive off.

The ride to the nearby town wasn't too far. Maybe 30 to 40 minutes on the bike, with the entire way being a calming seaside road with not many vehicles coming to and fro. The road really just leads to home base after all and not many civilians would really need to go there other than to visit relatives who work at the port. Though there are the odd school buses every now and then from the local school which likes to have a field trip there.

Huh... My legs feel warmer than usual. Or is it just because Independence is sticking really close to me... well she is very comfortable... Focus Essex! Keep your eyes on the road. You wanna get into an accident!?

I sigh to myself. My mind's not usually this cluttered... ugh what's been on with me lately. My mind wanders a lot, I go on self-monologuing tangents in my head and I lose focus easily... then there's the fact that sleep has been avoiding me for the past couple of days.

Coming at a straightaway on the road with no turns or incoming vehicles, I take a quick glance at Indep on the rear view mirror. She has her eyes closed, a small smile on her lips, chin firmly on my shoulder as she lets her hair flutter in the wind, it looks really silky... I wonder how it feels like to touch... but by the looks of things I guess she's enjoying the ride, that's good at least.

Taking a glance at Princey next, she has her feet up, sitting very relaxed in her chair. Huh... is that cotton or nylon leggings I wonder... oh she's looking at me... and smiling... ahem well that certainly gets my mind rolling don't it-

She waves at me, "Got something on your mind Essex?" I hear her yell out over the wind. Quickly smiling back before looking at the road again, "No not really, I just think you guys look nice is all! Whereas me, I look like a mishmash of dirty laundry put together."

"Nonsense! You look great!" Princeton then sits up a bit more properly, giving my arm a light pat.

"Smells great too..." I hear Indep whisper, making me blush a bit. By now we had just entered the town where a lot more people and cars were around so I had to stop my observation for now and focus more on my surroundings and the road in particular.

Was that... Did the engine just hiccup? Odd... I didn't get to ponder much more before I realized we'd arrived at the record shop. Rolling up beside the sidewalk to park, I then turn the engine off. Princeton quickly hops off, followed close behind by Independence. I didn't immediately get off however as I was trying to look at the engine to see if there was anything wrong at a quick glance.

I didn't get to look much though as Princeton calls my name. "Come on! This store's not gonna be open all day!" She calls out.

"Ah- right! I'm coming, I'm coming!" I get off and quickly follow the two inside. It was a quaint little shop run by a nice hispanic woman, used to be a DJ I believe. It sold vinyl records, CDs, mixtapes and a lot of retro music equipment, though I know very little to really say more.

While Princey runs up to the counter, talking to the owner about Saratoga's new album record which she ordered, me and Indep sorta just browsed, looking for no particular items in the shop's display.

"So I've recently started listening to old classics, recently. It's been fun hearing old songs that played on the radio back during the war." Indep comments as she picks up a medley collection CD box, turning it over to see the songs it provides. "How 'bout you? Been into anything new recently?"

"Well... Formidable recently introduced me to some heavy metal songs, though none in particular have really hooked me yet so I kinda just... listen to what she recommends me for now"

"Heavy metal huh? Well that's certainly a new one since you're usually a stickler for pop hehe."

"Well, you're certainly not wrong-"

Chuckling a bit, Indep picks up another CD with a random assortment of songs as Princey happily skips towards us with a record in hand.

"I got Saratoga's new album~!" Princey says in a happy, sing-song voice, showing us the record's cover. "Union Hearts" it says under Saratoga standing in the water below the Golden Gate Bridge, hands and a leg in the air in a sort of "Y" form while she gives one of her signature winks and a wide smile befitting an Idol.

"Awesome!" I give her a thumbs-up. She carefully puts the album in a bag, Indep then puts down the item in her hand and comes over next to Princey.

"Think we can listen to a preview of it while we're here?" Indep asks, pointing towards a record player on the far corner of the store.

"Sounds like a great idea honestly. I've only listened to the CD, I'd be curious what the record sounds like." Princeton then rushes over to the counter asking the owner if we could have a preview of the record. She was happy to oblige and even helped us set it up.

The first song started, the one the album was named after, Union Hearts. It was a nice, upbeat and catchy song about what it was like to have those you love around you layered over undertones of the valor that Kansens of Eagle Union partakes in. Overall a very nice opening song that sets the tone for the rest of the album... Ok wow, maybe I spend too much time just listening to Princeton rant about Sara's songs.

Princeton seems to really be listening intently. She has her eyes closed and arms crossed, yet she has a smile on her face and the constant bop of her head to the rhythm makes it clear to see that she's loving the way she hears it.

Independence was also similarly enjoying the song, bopping along to the rhythm same as Princey. Not long after, I joined as well and we listened to Sara's amazing voice.

We listened to a few more songs, "Golden Gates and Pearly Bays", "Fun in Long Island" and "From across the Pacific, with Love" before we decided it was time to head back. Indep had decided to buy a Jazz collection CD however so I went ahead outside to start the bike.

As soon as I was outside, I immediately came face to face with three kids playing around with our ride. Mid to late teenagers by the looks of things and they were looking around and inspecting it, or climbing aboard and taking a seat. I wouldn't exactly call what they're doing annoying but the way they went about it definitely irks me. One of them was jumping up and down the sidecar which could definitely break something.

"Hey, stop that! You kids get off my bike!" I call out calmly, yet firmly and loud enough to be commanding, but not overly hostile. Thankfully they actually listened, but one of the kids up front accidentally swung their bag when they turned to look at me which made their metal water bottle hit the glass of the headlight, shattering it.

This prompted the three to go "oh shit" before sprinting off.

"H-hey! Oh come on!" I didn't bother chasing them, there was no point. I rushed over quickly to my bike to inspect the damage and it was minimal thankfully. The lightbulb wasn't broken, that's for sure but I'll have to replace the glass cover.

Ugh, that would set me back on the funds I allocated this month to restoring this vehicle. I'm tight on budget as is already and this doesn't help my case...

"Essex? We heard you yell, are you ok?" Princeton runs up to me with Independence following closely behind. I nod at them, telling them I'm fine but that something broke our ride's headlight.

"Did you see who did it?" Princey asks as she looks around for a possible culprit. I shake my head.

"No, I didn't see anything. Must've ran off when they broke it. It's fine, no big deal. Just broken glass is all, I'll find a replacement easily." I sigh, I probably will find one easy but still its money I could really use on other things.

"You're not hurt are you?" Princeton places a gentle hand on my shoulder, a concerned look on her face as she makes sure I'm fine. I smile at her and nod.

"Yeah I'm ok, don't worry about me. At least we still have a ride home, so let's just get going." Both of them nod reluctantly and get on. I take my seat and kickstart the engine. It only took three turns that time so I guess that's nice.

We were pretty silent on the way back. I had a lot of things on my mind right now... firstly was how am I gonna fix this headlight. I might get in trouble if I don't fix it, but I also can't allocate much more money to do so. It's a real headache that someone keeps trying to outbid me for the battery I have my eye on which means it just keeps getting even more expensive each time I look.

Then there's the fact that this day hasn't been going all that well, what with me being late, the random malfunctions, the breakages... What's that smell...? Is something burning? No, no that's not the smell of something burning, at least not yet. I look around a bit, not finding any sign of a fire so it must not be anything outside the road.

I then look down, and as I do the engine suddenly starts sputtering out, even starting to smoke a bit. I panicked and quickly turned the engine off and carefully maneuvered it to the side of the road towards a little outlook.

"No, no, no! Why? Why now!? Of all the times, for fuck's sake!" I say frustrated as me and Indep quickly get off once stopped. She must have smelt the same thing I did cause she looked concerned, even stepped back a few feet away.

Princeton also got off and stepped back a bit though not as rushed as Indep. She looked more confused than anything.

While me, I immediately knelt down to the side of the bike and inspected it. The engine overheated somehow which also melted one of the oil tubes so now the bike was leaking a fair amount of oil into the pavement below.

Burying my face in my hands, I couldn't stop myself from screaming anymore. If I had not muffled it with my hands it would have been extremely loud, guttural and full of frustration.

"What happened to you now... I made sure to maintain you well, I looked at you closely every week for months! You ran fine for those times so why've you broken down now!? What did I do wrong!?" I repeatedly, though lightly, bang my head into the gas tank.

Frustrated.

Disappointed.

Sad.

That's what I feel right now. I'm a failure of a mechanic, I've ruined this entire day and I've just stranded us a good eight or so miles away from base. And with the sun setting on the horizon, my mood just doesn't feel like getting better.

I slump on my spot, hands on my now broken vehicle with my face buried in them. How did this happen... Why did this happen... What did I do to deserve this much bad luck?

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Taking a look, I see Princeton beside me with Independence behind her as the former pulls me away from the bike slowly. I didn't have the energy to stop her so I just went along, getting dragged by her to the stone bench by the edge of the outlook we stopped at.

Indep on the other hand, grabs my other arm, equally dragging me towards the beach as well. I must look miserable as both had sad looks on their faces as they stared at me. They then seat me down, our fronts facing towards the road. Without missing a beat, they also sit down beside me, one on each side.

I stare blankly in the direction of the broken bike. Yet Princeton's hand on my arm distracts me. "It'll be ok Essex. We'll get her fixed up in no time, alright? No sense in moping about it."

"Yeah, we'll come by and help you even! None of this was your fault. You did nothing wrong, Essex." Independence added, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me close.

"But I've just stranded us miles away from base, and the sun's going down! I... I did this cause I didn't look hard enough for defects on my own vehicle..." Both Princey and Indep shake their heads in unison, before standing up once more with me in tow. They then each hug an arm, interlace their fingers with mine, and turn us towards the sea where waves ripple upon the surface calmingly. The sun's setting light brightly reflecting off the water's surface.

"None of this was your fault, Essex, and we're gonna keep saying it until you drill it into that head of yours. You're an amazing mechanic, one of the best in Eagle Union, but nobody's perfect. Something's bound to get past even the most experienced people and you are no exception. So don't blame yourself for it, things happen and we just have to try and live with the things that have already happened, okay?" Indep hums as she stops us in front of the metal railing of the outlook overlooking the bay in front of us.

"I agree, and don't think for one second that we blame you for it. We don't, nuh-uh. In fact we're very sorry for how much trouble this would cause you. We know you've been having... a bit of trouble lately with stress and that you've not been sleeping well for the past few days..." Princey squeezes my arm and lays her head down on my shoulder.

"We were hoping this trip could help you relax a bit, but it just added more stress than we really wanted and for that, we really are sorry. But please, don't beat yourself up over it. We wanted to give you a nice relaxing time, even just for a bit, and we want to achieve it, no matter what..."

I felt like crying. As much as I didn't want anything wrong this day to happen, I am glad that these two were with me when it did. It really helps keep myself in check cause otherwise I might have probably broke down by now.

"Thank you, you two. Really I... I'm a mess... I've been a real big mess. And I'm thankful you guys are here with me." I sigh, covering my face with my hands. I could feel the two shift before arms wrapped around my torso, both of them pulling me close. It almost made me break then and there.

Almost.

I'm a strong girl, after all I can keep my composure to an extent… doesn't mean however that it doesn't feel nice. In fact, being hugged like this… it felt familiar to what me and my sisters do but also different in a way that feels… them. I cherish this feeling of comfort, and I didn't even realize I had my arms around both of them as well.

Looking at them I could see smiles on their faces, and figuring that I'm in this position anyway, I joined them.

Smiling.

Genuinely even, which would be the first in a while for me. Sure I smile a lot but, it was a front most of the time. And lately it's been nothing but.

Yet here, in their arms, in their warmth, I smile. Genuinely happy that this is happening.

I don't know how long we stayed there but before we knew it the sun had properly set, enveloping us in quite yet serene darkness. With nothing better to do we descended down to the beach under the road, a staircase was present on the far side of the outlook we stopped at which would have been used by tourists to go down to the beach when they decided to stop by and take in the scenery.

For now the beach was empty apart from a few birds that loitered in the sand and in the air. The moon illuminated the sky now as it was a full moon today so at least we could see well.

"Hmm... quite relaxing huh?" Indep speaks up as we stop at the edge of the water, the waves almost lapping the tip of our shoes yet fail to do so just barely. Princeton nods at her sister as she crouches down to pick up a stray shell.

"It is, yeah! I like it a lot. It's definitely different from the lively beach homeport has huh, Essex?" She then stands back up, shakes sand and water out of the shell before pocketing it in her flannel.

"Mm yeah it is. Despite being at sea a lot, everyone does like the beach there."

"How come I never see you there? It's such a shame cause I really want to show you my swimsuit but you're never there…"

"Ahaha… yeah umm… About that I just… don't really have much reason to y'know? That and I don't have a swimsuit I could wear."

"You don't!? Well then on our next date, we need to go take you shopping for one!"

The three of us laugh.

This was nice.

I wished this could happen more if I'm being honest, but sadly we're busy people with a lot to do. Maybe it's time to ask the Commander about those paid vacation days I've been saving up…

In any case the three of us spent our time together at the beach as if we had no worries in the world. We joked around, splashed a bit, even tried singing the entirety of Saratoga's new album from memory alone. Princeton carried that last part a lot.

Halfway through singing "From across the Pacific, With Love." At the top of our lungs, one of Homeport's coastal patrols happens to hear us loudly belting out one of Saratoga's songs and came close to investigate. Turns out it was Kimberly on night patrol duty!

And when told of our predicament and my broken bike, she gladly let us borrow one of the mass production ships she was leading that night to give us a ride home. She even helped load my bike onto the destroyer before continuing on her patrol.

It's been a few days since then.

The bike's still being repaired, I'm still not sleeping well and I never did win that bid for the battery I wanted. Oh well, that's life I guess, but Indep and Princey's constant visits along with helping me repair the old Harley gave me peace of mind.

I'm thankful for those two.

I just wish I wasn't such a burden on them…

Chapter Text

-~Shinano~-

"Ok then I'll see you guys tomorrow. Stay safe on sortie!"

I wave goodbye as Intrepid and Shangri-la leave towards the docks with Ingraham and Baltimore to go on a nightly commission sortie.

Bonhomme was having a sleepover with the Northern Parliament girls and Ticonderoga left earlier in the afternoon on a sortie of her own, leaving me and Bunker hill as the sole resident in our shared dorms.

Going back inside and closing the door behind me I let out a yawn. It was well past 2200 currently so it was fairly late and as such I was also preparing to go to bed myself.

Taking a quick detour to the kitchen for a quick drink I then head to the hallway which leads to our rooms. There were four rooms in the dorm, three were occupied by 2 people each and the last one we sorta just use as a storage room for now. Mine and Shangri-la's were at the very back of the corridor in front of the one we used for storage which means I have to pass by Bunker and Intrepid's room to the left and Bonhomme and Tico's to the right.

The door to Bunker and Intrepid's room was slightly ajar which meant that I could see Bunker sitting down on the floor controller in hand as she was booting up a copy of an FPS game.

I open the door slightly more, enough for at least half my body to slip through, and give a soft knock on the door which gets Bunker's attention.

"Gaming tonight?" I ask as I motion towards the tv. Bunker smiles and nods as she opens a can of soda.

"Yeah I am. U-96 and Long Island wanted me to come join them for some random matches tonight since there's a grinding event going on. Wanna join us?" She asks, picking up a second controller and offering it to me. I put up a hand and shake my head though.

"Nah, I just wanted to say goodnight since I was heading to bed. Wanna try catching some rest before my spar with Zuikaku in three days."

"Ah right then, if you're sure. Good night then Essex."

"You too. Oh, and make sure you put the console back in the living room by tomorrow when you're done."

"Will do, Es! You sleep well now." With that I close the door to her room and head to mine. I let out another yawn as I open the door and head straight for the closet, changing into something a bit more comfortable before climbing into my bed and closing my eyes...

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I felt cold.

It was not like anything I've ever felt before.

It wasn't the chill of the night, no. This was something else. Something sinister.

I opened my eyes yet I could feel my eyelids stay shut.

I could see.

I am dreaming.

But where am I?

It was the middle of the sea, the smell of salt was high in the air.

Behind me everything burned, Beside me everything burned.

In front of me lay a half-sunken wreck of a carrier. It smelled of burning flesh, and bodies were littered everywhere I looked. In crashed planes, in the bridge floating in the water… it was sickening.

I then notice a figure past a hole in the deck, slumped over jagged metal and wood. Then it twitched.

It started crawling out of the hole, tearing its clothing and its body on the sharp edges of its grave, its features both hidden and illuminated by the raging fire around it but as it stood up, with the remnants of twintails on its otherwise disheveled head, the familiar rigging on its back, the crossbow in its left hand and the broken half of its rigging on it right hand, held up by the arm which used to attached it to its back… it didn't take long to figure out who it was.

It got up, stood tall, then sobbed.

Then it screeched.

Then it lunged.

'Useless'

'Weak'

'Die'

I could hear those words between gibberish as it came closer. As I came closer.

I barely managed to roll out of the way, its "weapons," if you could even call it that, barely grazing me.

It didn't hurt. It was a dream. But fear hurts more than a bomb to the back.

'Never enough'

'Can't do shit'

'Cheap copy'

It lunged again.

It wasn't even touching me, yet its presence alone has me by the neck. I trembled, I couldn't place why. What was it? Was it my greatest fear incarnate? Was it Siren mind games? Why does it have me feeling suffocated, drowning? As if the weight of the entire pacific bore down on my entire being.

A carrier deck came straight into my face.

Direct hit, flinging me across the water, barely stopping in front of the wall of fire at the end. It was hot. It burns.

I look at the monstrosity of myself.

It cried. Tears fell down its mangled face as it screeched in pain and suffering. Its hands meet its temple, squeezing as if it felt an immense headache. It kept crying. Wailing.

'I can never be enough'

'I accomplished nothing'

'Nothing but a Fake'

That voice… then a screech. Another round of pained screeching continues. My mostrosity's enraged. Its eyes burn as it looks towards me, yet at the top of the bridge of the sunken carrier, something else catches my eye.

At the top, beyond the wall of fire, stood a figure.

Clean,

Regal,

Enterprise…

She stood there, eyes dull and emotionless. 'Help me' I wanted to call out, 'Enterprise help me please…' I scream, yet no sound comes. My other self shambles, trembling.

Shaking.

It cries towards the sky. its pain, my pain, sent out to the universe.

Yet nothing answers back. Enraged, she thrashes about, managing to whip up a storm of sea water, blood and metal. She looks at me again.

A screech.

A frustrated scream.

I could understand her mutterings now as she closed in, right arm ready to swing.

'Why wasn't I given the chance'

'Am I destined to always be overshadowed'

'Am I truly that worthless'

I couldn't move anymore. Slam, goes her weapon to my side, flinging me like a ragdoll somewhere in the water. It's cold. I shiver.

My body's frozen, try as I might I can only curl up. She was now looming over me, weapon ready to pummel me dead. And she does, eyes burning with a brilliant glow.

Enterprise stayed atop her stage, looking down upon me with disgust.

'Enterprise, Help!' I call out yet my voice keeps to itself

Slam goes the weapon.

'Why won't you help me, Enterprise!? You told me we were friends! That you would help me when I need it!'

Slam goes the weapon.

My head spins, my head hurts.

'You're pathetic'

'You want my help? You can't even take care of yourself. You're useless'

No… Enterprise…

Slam goes the weapon.

'What kind of sister are you? You're a horrible role model.'

Shang… Bunker... no... please…

'Fightin'est ship huh? You could barely call yourself fighting.'

Princeton… why…

'If you can't even protect yourself how are you gonna protect us? If you're not gonna be able to keep up with us then just leave.'

Indep… This isn't happening…

'I'm ashamed to have considered someone like you an equal. A failure is what you are.'

Zuikaku… I…

'Do me a favor, yeah? Stop acting like you're anyone worth anything'

No, Commander… no...

I'm sorry, everyone

'You know what I realized, Essex? You're a horrible junior. A fake. A worthless piece of metal destined for the scrapyards. You're not my student. And you sure as hell ain't one of my friends… Goodbye...'

I failed you

Slam goes the weapon.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I jolt awake.

I heaved, and heaved. Trying to get my breathing under control as my heart raced faster than ever before in my life.

Ugh fuck… that was horrible… I feel like I wanna vomit, and I'm sweating like hell too.

Despite Bunker's well wishes, my sleep did not go well at all. How long was I even asleep for? I look up at the digital clock above my door.

01:22

I lightly slap my cheeks, trying to wake myself up from my stupor. Throwing my blankets off me I get out of the room and head for the kitchen. I don't even bother opening the lights as I head straight for the sink and faucet, turning it on and splashing myself with water.

I sigh as I bury my face in my hands. Why… these stupid nightmares have been the bane of my sleep for the past three months now. A decent three hours of sleep is hard to come by, five hours of rest would be extremely lucky most days and eight hours and more may as well be a myth.

I'm so tired.

I just want to rest.

What did I dream about again? Ugh whatever. It was horrible, I'd rather not think of it.

Looking back towards the hallway I could see light seeping through the door of Bunker's room. I quietly walked over to it but as I was about to knock, I then heard my sister speak.

"Sawfish, due south we got bogeys! Nah, I dropped the gun when I picked up the special kit, I don't know where it is now. Snipe 'em, quickly!" Bunker exclaims behind the door. My hands fell back down to my sides, best not bother her with my problems. She's already dealt enough with me.

Finding no way for me to be able to get more sleep any time soon, I decided that maybe a walk outside would do me some good.

Grabbing a jacket from the coat rack by the door, I go outside into the cold salty air. The moon was bright tonight so I didn't need a flashlight with me.

It was quiet out at this hour. The usual hubbub of EU's dorms was all silent save for a few. Notably Laffey, which I could see was having a sleepover with Javelin from the window, Georgia and Seattle's room, and New Jersey was pacing around in her room. Wonder what that's about.

I ignore most of it though as I walk around towards the recreational area. It was something like a park where the girls could come and do whatever, usually it was used to observe anyone down the beach as it had a clear overlook of the entire sea down to the docks in the distance.

Some of the night patrol greeted me on the way there, most were human personnel or the Manjuus running around though the odd nightowls of the base sometimes showed up. Like South Dakota, Washington and… pretty sure I saw Kirishima sneaking by too. Huh… What is she doing here?

I don't ponder much about it though I reach my destination. Sitting down on one of the benches that faced towards the sea, I sigh. Stretching in my seat I get the knots out of my back before relaxing once more... well as relaxed as I could be running on two hours of sleep a day, anyway.

I look around, trying to find anything else to distract me from my nightmare, anything for my mind to occupy, yet now I'm really alone. Though, I guess I'm thankful that at least this night Shang wasn't rudely awakened with me, though at the same time I could really use someone like her right about now.

Shang has been an angel to me ever since these night terrors started. I don't know how she puts up with me waking up at ungodly hours of the night then helping me calm down. I should really get her something for her troubles, maybe a gift. Maybe earplugs would be best-

"'Tis a lovely night, Essex. What might bring one such as yourself to this quiet corner tonight." I hear a voice beside me, soothing, akin to morning dew on a leaf after a foggy night.

"AHH!" I jump, falling out of the bench. I groan in pain as I hit the pavement ass first.

"Oh, oh no. Are you hurt? Apologies, Essex. This one did not mean to startle you." Looking up I was greeted by a large amount of fluffy gray hair framing a calm yet concerned face. Shinano's ear twitched as we made eye contact, and I blush realizing just where my face is right next to as the large Kitsune helps me get up.

"Thank you Shinano. I'm not hurt, and I know you weren't trying to." I smile at her as we sit down again. I sigh as I look out to the beach. Shinano's here… what now? I mean... I guess it would be nice to have someone I know with me.

As I was pondering however, Shinano broke the silence herself.

"'Tis … intriguing to find you here in such a place, Essex. Especially so late into the evening. Perhaps there is something troubling you?" Shinano inquires, her head turning towards me and meeting my eyes.

I just laughed it off, telling her that I just felt like wandering around. Shinano stares at me with a frown but says nothing. Awkward silence rings out between us once more…

"So um… What about you? What brings you out here? Aren't the Sakura dorms quite far?" Her eyes never left me, but her frown did disappear somewhat. She then takes a deep breath and slides closer to me on the bench.

"I am here… concerning some things which I have seen in my dreams. Something which I may only encounter here. Or perhaps 'twould be more apt to say 'someone''" Is she talking about me? Well… I doubt it, why would I appear in her dreams anyhow... right?

"Something about your dreams, huh? Well you won't find a lot of other people here. I mean, everyone's pretty much asleep at this hour save for some people…" I reply, shrugging as I look back into the ocean.

"This one does not need to look further. What I am looking for is already beside me." I didn't even realize how close Shinano was to me. We were barely an inch apart now. She stares at me intently with those Blue eyes which reflected the night sky making it look as if they contained the universe itself, and I stare back dumbly.

"I am concerned, Essex. You are very dear to me, it pains me whenever I see you suffering. You have been lacking rest and it has shown, especially during morning hours. You are sluggish, and your mind wanders more often than not. You are tired. So please, Essex, as someone who cares deeply for your wellbeing… what is it ails you?" It seems, try as I might, I can't move the conversation away from my current situation.

I sigh, she's got me now. No point in hiding what I'm feeling anymore…

"I… I've just been having night terrors as of late… And if it's not nightmares it's your textbook case of insomnia," I confess to her.

"I don't even remember what the nightmares are about most nights, and the times when insomnia takes hold of me I can never pinpoint why… It's been really kicking my ass to the curb." As I finish, Shinano hums, she looks like she's thinking. About what, I have no clue.

"Is that so? Then it seems this one is not yet too late as I was afraid I was." Shinano then slides away from the closeness we shared before standing up and offering me her hand.

"Come with me, Essex. I shall lend you this one's bosom for comfort, and grant you the rest of which you have been lacking. Whenever and wherever you shall require my help, I am here to provide, dear Essex." I blush madly at her offer before shaking my head repeatedly.

"S-Shinano, I can't possibly do that! I wouldn't want to bother you with my problems any more than I already am..." Shinano reaches for my hand, taking it firmly in hers and pulling me up with surprising strength, before gently leading me along.

It seems she's not taking no for an answer…

I silently follow. Shinano's never been this forward, nor has she ever been this insistent in all the times I've known her. She then stops at one of the large oak trees in the middle of the park's field, lit up by small electric lanterns which hang from its low branches, and sits down in the grass by its roots.

She then pats the space beside her and beckons me over.

"Come now, Essex. And let me hold you, for but a brief moment." She whispers. I then take a seat beside her before she pulls me into a hug, the back of my head resting on her breasts as her arms wrap around my waist and pin me in place.

My heart starts beating fast, the position we're in making me lock up. Oh god I was not prepared for this! I then feel Shinano rest her chin on top of my head, wrapping her tails around me like a fur blanket.

"There there, Essex. Let yourself relax… I am here to keep you safe…" She whispers once more as she slowly lets herself lean back on the tree. I take a deep breath-

then breathe out.

Deep breath in.

Breathe out.

'Let yourself relax… I am here to keep you safe…' Shinano's words echo in my head. My heart rate stays elevated, I can hear it beat in my ears, yet my mind turns tranquil… comforted.

Deep breath in…

Breathe out…

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

"This one would appreciate it greatly if you would call for me when you are in need. I care about you deeply, truly I do." Shinano lifts a hand up from my waist, moving her own head to the side to put her hand on my head and play with my hair,

"It pains me when I see you so… defeated, every passing day. You used to be so energetic, so full of life, so… beautiful, each morning. Yet lately these past months, You have had heavy bags in your eyes. You smile whenever you interact with those around you, yet it's quick to disappear once they've gone. It has me… it has me saddened." She pulls me closer with her other hand as she continues to play with my hair, running her fingers through them in a rhythmless yet soothing pattern.

I stay silent for a moment, processing what she's told me. It's true that I've not looked my best since the insomnia and the nightmares started, and I have noticed myself that my mood quickly drops once I think no one is looking anymore...

Yet I never thought it affected those who observed from far away. I always tried to hide it from those nearby yet I never considered those from beyond my immediate vicinity. Probably because I didn't think anyone would actually look my way…

"I'm… sorry, Shinano... For worrying you. Honestly, I never approached you for help because I thought I could do fine by myself. Obviously I have to change that now and accept the help you give but… But I still don't want to push myself onto you. It would feel wrong of me to come to you every night just so I could sleep well. It just seems… too selfish of me." I sigh, scolding myself silently. Great job Essex… You managed to make yourself look like a fool and made someone you're close with feel bad…

"I am glad that you have decided to let me aid you in these trying times. But Essex, you do not need to worry about being too selfish with sleep. In fact if you won't come to me… then I shall come to you. For in my watchful eye, someone as wonderful as you… shall have nightmares, no more." Shinano then uses the hand that was stroking my head to then take me gently by the chin, turning my head towards her as she plants a soft kiss on my forehead, then my cheek, making me blush immensely.

"I… Shinano you don't have to-"

"Hush now, dearest Essex. I believe we have postponed your rest for long enough. Let yourself sink into this one's bosom, just as the destroyers have. Allow me to hold you for tonight, and let the darkness within you dispel, as you sleep in my arms. Now let us close our eyes, and wander together in a terrorless dream. 'tis the least you deserve... after everything." Shinano whispers in my ear, before resting her head on my shoulder, her hand going down to my waist again to keep me with her.

Not that I would be able to anyway as her blanket of tails prevented me from even moving my arms. It was just too comfortable.

From the corner of my vision, I see Shinano close her eyes, so I follow suit.

And for the first time in months, I dreamt of paradise.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

My eyes slowly opened as I was greeted by sunlight streaming onto my face. I was in a room, but not mine. I sat up and looked around, the tatami floors, the futon where I was laying on and the various Sakuran decor clueing me in as to where I was.

I was alone in the room, not a single soul to be found inside, but the commotion outside the door to my left signifies activity. To the right of the futon was my Uniform and my phone resting on top, which was beeping a lot.

Another thing I noticed as I looked down at the clothes was that I had none, save for the underwear I wore with my pajamas last night… OH GOD I'M NAKED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S ROOM!!

I quickly picked up my uniform and put it on before anyone could come in. Thankfully I've put it on so many times that I did it in record time! Not that it really mattered as no one came in… Oh right, my phone!

Picking up my phone and turning it on I was greeted with 20 missed calls and a lot of messages from my sisters as well as Indep, Princey and even Commander. I sigh, I got a lot of explaining to do… but then I noticed something else on the floor, something blue.

It was an origami butterfly made from blue paper. I picked it up and looked, it was beautiful... The folds were expertly done by experienced hands and on the back, written on its wings, was a familiar verse from one of Eugene Field's works, making me smile.

Sleep, little pigeon, and fold your wings,--
Little blue pigeon with velvet eyes;
Sleep to the singing of mother-bird swinging--
Swinging the nest where her little one lies.

"Thank you, Shinano…" I whisper, carefully pocketing the butterfly, making sure not to crumple it. I then take a deep breath and sigh happily.

Then I step out the door…

Chapter Text

-~Zuikaku~-

Lying down in bed with nothing to do is usually very relaxing to me. Yet today, I find myself fidgety, nervous and anxious. Shang's not here, where is she?

The silence of my room doesn't help one bit. It's deafening, horrible, and something I can't stand. I really should have gotten that sound system Formidable offered me, because not even my phone blasting music at full volume helps with the deafening ring in my ears.

Whatever I'm feeling it has me on edge, damn near close to making me pull on my hair.

It's so quiet, yet it's so loud.

My room feels like it's moving yet at the same time, it's still, so still I could feel my bed trying to swallow me whole. My breathing's picking up... what's going on?

My head throbs, yet I feel no pain. I feel something dripping down my cheek. Am I crying? I wipe my eyes, yet they keep coming. They're coming and coming and coming. They won't stop.

I'm sobbing.

I feel alone.

I am alone.

What should I do? Do I call for help? No... My throat hurts too much. I've been crying too long. Too long? How long has it been? 10 minutes? No, it's been an hour...

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I'm a mess... get yourself together Essex... please. Please. Please.

You've nothing to fear. You've nothing to cry about. You've...

You have...

"Help me..." My voice feels hoarse. It hurts to talk. It feels hard to breathe. I'm... I'm...

Suffocating

Then everything turns black.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Thoughts of last night invaded my mind. They won't go away.

What was that anyway?

The feeling of helplessness, the way my mind felt like it was being overwhelmed, the way I felt like I was suffocating despite no outward force acting on my body... It scared me. I don't know what that was and it scared me.

Was it a nightmare? No, it can't be, I know I was awake. I have a bandaged finger from last night after biting my hand hard enough to bleed. And I've not had a nightmare ever since I started getting help with sleep from Shinano.

But the fear at the time… it was the same fear that locks me up in my sleep during my nightmares. The same fear that grips at your heart and squeezes it until you submit. It's not pleasant.

Should I tell anyone about this? I probably should… this seems serious. Maybe someone can help me figure things out…

Help…

Help me…

'Help me…'

I shudder as I remember how I tried calling for help…

I was then suddenly snapped out of my thoughts when a bomb narrowly missed my head, exploding just behind me in a pillar of sea water. I then start hearing again, the sound of my AAA firing and blasting off in the direction of Multiple squadrons of A6M5s and D4Ys diving on my position, with B6Ns down low and preparing for an attack run.

I remember where I am now…

Quickly telling my Corsair CAP to engage, I start preparing multiple squadrons of Avengers and Helldivers for a counter attack but hold off on launching. I need to get those Zeroes out of the sky and establish air superiority in my space first. Out in the distance I see my opponent, "The Auspicious Crane" Zuikaku, closing in fast with her sword drawn, launching even more Dive Bombers.

I sail at flank speed in the opposite direction, if she were to get into close combat with me, I wouldn't last long. Side-stepping another bomb and managing to jump over a torpedo, I keep half of my Corsair CAP close, managing to shoot down approaching enemy planes, while I direct the other half to start climbing in preparation for another strike that I could see was coming towards me.

I was now cruising at my maximum speed of 33 knots. Looking through the eyes of my planes I see Zuikaku in the distance sailing to close the gap between us, a large wake of water behind her, telling me she's really pushing her engines to catch up. Looking up I could see that there were few Zeroes left in my vicinity, with those that are closest being occupied or hunted down by my Corsairs.

Now would be an ideal time to launch something to slow her down, before I get distracted by the next strike she's already sent my way. I do just that and immediately launch a formation of four Helldivers, the planes immediately starting to climb.

They weren't really there to inflict any meaningful damage, just slow her down enough that I can keep my distance and once I have her where I want her, then I can proceed with a full powered strike.

My Radar then pings multiple air targets due west-southwest of my direction, looking up I see a large formation of D4Ys heading towards my direction twenty-five-thousand feet above sea level, yet oddly enough no Torpedo bombers are sighted even when I scanned the horizons.

Moving the flight of Corsairs I had made climb earlier to turn towards the threat, I have them fly at full throttle in the bomber formation's direction, making sure to keep an altitude advantage over them. The Corsairs down low, which had finished off the last of the Zeroes a few minutes ago, then regrouped to circle at three-thousand feet and climbing on standby in the likely case that bombers get past the first screen of fighters.

They were beat up and low on ammo however, one trailed smoke and was a few knots slower than the others and it would be best to recover them and launch another set of fresh fighters in their place once this strike is over.

Speaking of the strike, it didn't take more than ten minutes before the fighters up on the high shelf start to engage, the six .50 cals from each gull-winged bird ripping into the fuselage of multiple Judys, with some immediately dropping out in a ball of flames. Four Zeroes acting as the entire formation's only fighter cover tried to intercept my own three Corsairs but were very quickly shot down by the gull-winged birds.

The distractions from the Zeroes were enough for some of the Dive bombers to dip down, nose first, to start their bombing run. My low altitude fighters move to intercept, managing to shoot down another two D4Ys but five were still diving towards me, and as they get in range my AAA started opening up again.

My Anti-Air managed to shoot down another two bombers but not before the birds had released their payload, making me start evasive manouvers by skidding and turning to port at as quickly as I could.

Just when I thought I was safe however, a 500 kilogram bomb connects to my back and explodes, pushing me down to my hands and knees. I grunt and cough as air suddenly vacates my lungs from the shock of the explosion. Worst of all, the explosion left my head throbbing and disorientated.

I gasp for air, I grip my head.

'Help me… Help me I'm suffocating!'

My ears ring, the water beneath me tries to swallow me whole.

'Help me… Help me!'

Dammit! Not again! Snap out of it, Essex! Stand up! Stand up!

I shake my head, steady my breathing and pick myself back up. I look around to get my bearings back, and when I saw Zuikaku jumping over a particularly large wave about 3 or so kilometers away, I immediately start sailing the opposite way.

'Shit, she's suddenly really close! Where's my Helldivers!?'

I didn't realize the dive bombers I had sent out to slow Zuikaku down were well past their intended target due to me getting distracted. Turning them around and getting them to chase after the crane that's out to get my ass, I then weighed my options.

I still had ten Corsairs, twelve Helldivers and sixteen Avengers on reserve, with two, eight and twelve of each aircraft, respectively, ready to launch on the deck. Should I launch a counter strike now? Or should I wait a bit more?

Deciding that I needed to clear the deck for recovery anyway, I decide that launching my squadrons to start preparing for a strike would be my best bet. So I summon up another four Corsairs from my hanger as I start launching aircraft.

My rigging readjusts itself to start launching and one by one, starting as miniatures versions of the planes before enlarging to their full glory, my strike group launches, circling around above my head. Up first is the flight of Helldivers, followed closely by the Avengers and finally the fresh flight Corsairs.

Just as the last of the planes launched, I notice that my small distraction finally caught up with Zuikaku, approaching her 4 o'clock. Taking control of them as I let my other planes launch, organizing them into a tight four-finger-formation, I steer my planes to prepare for an attack run.

Just as the planes were getting near however, my bombers were noticed by Zuikaku's CAP, though being in a lower altitude they had to climb to intercept.

'Great job Essex you completely forgot about her own CAP!'

I push the plane's throttle up to full trying to get as close to Zuikaku as I could before those Zeroes could reach me. As luck would have it however 20 and 7.7 millimeter bullets from A6M5s ripped into the fuselage and wings of the trailing SB2C to my left setting a fuel tank on fire and making it leak oil as the two fighters whiz past, turning for another attack run.

As soon as the zeroes passed, my Helldiver's defensive guns opened up, firing at the fighters in an attempt to drive them away. The one that the fighters struck was now trailing behind the formation, significantly slowed by the damage it received so it was the first to be fired at again by the returning Zeroes.

While the plane was valiantly firing its defensive .30 cals, it was no match for the two fighters which relentlessly tore into the plane with their guns, shooting it down as another two Zeroes intercepted, tracers connecting with the bombers.

I grit my teeth and push on with my remaining divers. Sounds of Browning .30 cals, 7.7mm and 20mm firing wildly behind me.

An explosion sounds to my left, yet I keep my eyes forward. Rolling my planes to start my dive as another burst of tracer rounds could be seen whizzing past the cockpit from behind me, I set Zuikaku in my sights.

Not even a few seconds later, her Flak and AAA started firing, black puffs and lead rounds exploding or whizzing past as my planes approach rapidly, bomb bay doors opening revealing their trusty yet deadly thousand-pounders.

10,000 feet.

Another explosion. Finally tearing my eyes away for a second I see a ball of fire beside me, now falling rather than diving.

I have two planes left.

7,000 feet.

I look back at my target. She's trying to throw off my aim but I keep her in my bombsight as Anti-air rounds ding off my Helldiver's frame, though some did bury themselves somewhere in the fuselage.

5,000 feet.

A burst of tracers catch my attention as the Zeroes from before dive in after the last of my planes. My other bomber being struck on the tail, tearing off chunks of metal and putting multiple holes in its fuselage.

Another Zero dives after my lead plane, autocannons and machineguns ripping through the plane's tail, destroying its rudder and damaging the elevators.

Yet still the rugged plane keeps diving.

2,000 feet.

Anti-Air is now heavy. Blinding.

1,500 feet.

A flak shell explodes in front of my wingman.

It crashes down and burns, hurtling towards the water.

1,000 feet.

I could practically reach out and touch Zuikaku.

The bomb release is pulled, a thousand-pounder and two 500s fall towards their target.

800 feet.

I desperately pull the nose up.

500 feet.

300 feet.

200 feet.

Sounds of bombs hitting water and detonating rings out.

A miss…

100 feet!

30!!

My wing clips the water, immediately ripping it from its frame and soon the nose follows suit, crashing into the water, engine first.

Then it explodes…

"Gah!" I shake my head, rubbing my eyes as I lose my mental connection to the planes. The sudden shock of being returned to my body after having suffered a crash making me cringe.

The sudden sound of guns then alerted me as another dogfight erupted in the air above me, multiple zeroes diving on my circling bombers as my Corsairs try and keep them off. Even the defensive guns of Avengers and Helldivers joined in, downing a good couple Zeroes.

I try to keep my bombers in a coherent formation, both to keep them safe and make them easier to defend with my Corsairs, yet trying to maintain it was taking a toll on me.

'Why does controlling this many planes feel so hard now of all times... ok focus! Don't let them ram each other.'

More Zeroes rush into my bomber formation managing to shoot down a few, though at a heavy cost as in just one attack run, multiple of the fragile fighters light up in flames before spiraling towards the ocean below.

Suddenly even more Zeroes join in on the fray as my CAP chases after the survivors of the last attack run. As I was diverting some of the Corsairs back to intercept though, I suddenly get a chill down my spine as fear now makes me hyper aware of my quiet surroundings, save for the roaring of engines up above me.

And as if to confirm my suspicion, a valorous, energetic, and deadly voice shouted behind me.

"I've caught you now Fighthin' E! It's time we end this Crane and Mouse chase!" I barely had time to grab my crossbow from my rigging, her sword almost connecting a strike to my nape had I not turned around and blocked it with said crossbow.

"Not so fast, you silly Crane!" I push back on her sword before jumping and delivering a swift kick to her abdomen, sending her skidding across the water a good few meters away before I took aim and fired a bolt from my crossbow.

The fired bolt flew through the air in blinding speed, its power aided by Wisdom Cube energy and my Steam Catapults. Zuikaku, despite having been staggered from the kick, recovered quickly and swiftly deflected the fired bolt which harmlessly splashed a good 30 feet to her right with a deafening clang of steel to arrowhead.

Zuikaku then smiles, before twirling her sword then striking the end of her flight deck with her sword's pommel. Immediately, four Zeroes manifested on her deck then launched.

Instead of flying into the air and turning into its full size however, the planes turned into a bright orange flame as they reached the end of the deck and merged with her sword's blade, each plane turning a section of the sword into the same bright orange color.

As the last plane merged with the blade, it suddenly went ablaze. Zuikaku twirls the sword one more time before pointing its blazing tip towards me and crouching. Knowing what she was about to do, I jump back a few meters and aimed at her.

Steam hissed out of my crossbow as another blindingly fast shot was fired. The bolt, halfway through its trajectory, then turned into a full-blown Corsair, with its six 12.7mms immediately opening up and sending lead towards the other Carrier who gets out of her lunging stance to defend herself from the hail of bullets.

And as if the sword weighed nothing, she swung quickly, methodically, deflecting any shot that may hit her, before swinging her sword in a wide arc, sending a blazing crescent of energy careening towards my plane. The energy then turned into a Zero before crashing, engine first into my Corsair, triggering an explosion and setting fire to the water under the crash site.

Jumping over the fire with a running start, Zuikaku sends another slash of energy towards me, hitting me as I was not fast enough to dodge. Landing in the water after clearing the flames she sends another two slashes my way which I was able to dodge out of the way of.

The sounds of engines to my 6 o'clock alerts me of hostile planes which manifested from the attacks I dodged, but before I could react to them, I hear Zuikaku strike her flight deck again. This time D4Ys manifested before joining her sword, deep crimson flames engulfing the blade before she lunges.

Not wanting to know what that does, I quickly step back just as Zuikaku's sword contacts the water where I was previously standing on. A pillar of water erupts from where the sword struck, as if the force of a bomb landed on that spot.

'Best not get hit with that. I can still feel the sore spot in my back where I got hit by her Judy's bomb…'

She raised the sword out of the water before lunging forwards again, sword over her shoulder, both hands on the hilt, ready to swing.

I try my best to put distance between me and her. From firing my crossbow, strafing her with my planes or even bombing her, but she's persistent. I drive her back two paces, she comes rushing at me in four. I did manage to deplete her sword's flames however and this time, I'm not letting her charge it again.

Deflecting another slash from Zuikaku with my crossbow I use my remaining Helldivers to get her away, leading her to a good position for my Avengers to pincer her with my torpedoes, but not leaving her anytime to charge her sword.

As she expertly dodged multiple thousand-pounders, she keeps backing off, and I get my Avengers in position. Finally seeing my chance, I get three formations of avengers on an attack run.

One formation came at her from her 9 o'clock, another from her 1 o'clock and the last coming at her 7 o'clock with another 3 formations of Helldivers diving on her position. Each bird dropping ordinance at a suicidal distance, intending to crash the heavy and robust planes onto her to end the fight then and there.

Yet… she stops.

Looks up.

And breathes in.

Before jumping a few feet into the air, desummoning her rigging with a flash of light before diving under the water like a needle, completely dodging every plane and ordinance which explodes into a great fireball above the water. I was close enough that I had to shield my eyes. And that's when I realized my mistake.

Another bright flash erupts from underwater and a large bubble trail starts speeding towards my direction. I didn't have time to turn and run before Zuikaku burst from under the water, managing to jump a few feet above my head, sword sheathed, and mesmerizing brown eyes burning with determination.

And with a swift unsheathing, that was the end of me.

I was now on my back floating on top of the now calm water, Zuikaku with her legs to my sides, kneeling on top of me with the unsharpened edge of her sword, pressed firmly to my neck. She had her face close to mine, her eyes still burning with determination.

Then a Blink.

And just like that Zuikaku was back to her normal self, smirking at me as she gets off. I let out a breath I was holding in, my heartbeat slowly going back down to a calm level after the rush of adrenaline I just recieved.

Zui offers her hand, which I take, and pulls me up to stand.

Zui pats me in the back, squeezing my shoulder. "That was awesome, Essex! As expected, your CAP and AAA are always top notch! I found it really hard to keep harassing you and your planes meaningfully with my own." Zui compliments me as she gives me a thumbs-up and a wide grin.

"It's just typical EU Anti-Aircraft, not exactly anything special to me specifically. And besides, your Dive bombers really gave me a lot of trouble." I laugh in embarrassment as we both start recovering the planes we could.

"Still, I guess that's what I get for insisting I use A6M5s instead of A7Ms as a handicap." Zuikaku says with a sigh as she sheathes her sword, the last of our planes landing on our decks before disappearing into our rigging.

"If you had Reppus instead of Zeroes my Corsairs definitely would have had much more trouble." We laugh as we stand in the water before Zui then pats me in the back again.

"Though... Can we talk? I need to talk to you about something I've been noticing and concerned with since we met up today..." Zui says before pointing towards the shore.

I look at her confused before nodding slowly. She then takes my hand and leads us back to port.

Once we reached the docks we desummon our riggings and were greeted by Vestal who checked us for injuries, and when she found none that needed immediate attention, gave us some basic first aid before sending us off and calling out to the girls who were gonna use the training area next.

Zui and I walked about a bit on the docks before she spoke up.

"So, is something bothering you?" Zuikaku asks as we stop at the end of one of the docks. I look at her confused.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, facepalming mentally. You know damn well what she means Essex!

"I just noticed a few odd bits and pieces here and there during our spar. First off, you're slower than usual. Your reaction time's off by a second or two, even your Planes feel a bit more sluggish than usual, it's like you're distracted or something." Zui says as she thumbs the pommel of her sword with a hum.

"Second, your counter attacks felt… hmmm… they felt a bit forced, if you catch my drift here. Like you did them out of desperation. And if you didn't they felt rushed, or like you forgot something. Then there was the stuff before the spar, where you were fidgeting in your seat the whole time we waited. I brushed it off as excitement but now I think it was something else. So I have to ask, is something wrong?" Zuikaku then takes a hand and puts it on my shoulder, her gaze going from serious and analytical to one of worry and concern.

I sigh a bit before shrugging at her, "I… I suppose that, yeah, something's wrong? Though I don't really know what it exactly is…" I trail off, the frown on Zui's face deepens.

"You don't know?" She asks with crossed arms and a raised brow.

"Well… Ok, so something happened last night. It was weird, I don't really know what it was per se, so I'm hoping you could help me figure it out?" I pause for a sec, gauging Zui's reaction. She nods slowly and gestures for me to go on, making me take a deep breath in.

"So… yesterday, early evening, 'round-abouts, I had this really weird episode. I don't really know what happened? But I was just in my room lazing about and suddenly I felt really… nervous? I was really fidgety, and I couldn't feel relaxed at all. Then after that the silence in my room started to feel really loud, I'm sure you get what I mean, so I tried playing something on my phone but no matter how loud I put it on, the ringing in my ears just won't stop. So that starts getting me even more nervous, more anxious, my room suddenly didn't feel like my room at all, things started moving when they weren't. My bed felt like it was trying to swallow me and…" I pause, thinking of a good way to phrase this. Zuikaku stared at me, waiting, pondering about the things I'm saying.

"And then suddenly, I started crying.I was suddenly really scared of my surroundings. I felt… alone. I mean, I was alone, obviously, but the loneliness felt like it was crushing me. I tried calling for help but my voice was just too rough, it hurt to talk. After that things sort of just… went black. I don't remember much after. I think I fell asleep then?" Zui was silent, a worried look crossing her features as she looks over to me.

"Have you told anyone about what yet? Vestal? Your sisters?" She inquires, to which I shake my head.

"And you have no idea what happened to you at all?" Again, I shake my head.

"Gotcha. Well you see, Essex, what you had experienced, and I'm not a doctor so I can't say for certain that I'm 100% correct, is very likely a Panic attack." She says slowly, making me raise a brow.

"Uhhh… a panic attack?" I ask as Zui sighs before sittin at the edge of the dock and beckoning me to sit down with her.

"Mmhm. You said you were feeling really anxious right? Couldn't relax, feeling scared, then suddenly you're crying, yeah? It's different for everyone of course but those are usually a good indication that it's a panic attack, at least based on my personal experience."

"Based on personal experience?" At my question Zuikaku just laughs sheepishly.

"Ah, yeah. Like waaaay back in the day, I used to have panic attacks just like you've described. To an extent I still do, but not as common nor as intense, you know?" I look at Zui in wonder, finding myself having difficulty seeing the strong, cheery and dependable crane in front of me in such a vulnerable state.

"Do you know what causes them to happen?"

Zuikaku shakes her head, an apologetic smile gracing her lips. "Sadly, no I don't. But I do know that it's usually related to what an individual is going through. Sometimes it's PTSD, which is what I assumed mine to have been the cause of and is the most common here at port, but it can also be things like, Stress, insomnia and other things like it."

I flinch subconsciously at the mention of the last two, which doesn't go unnoticed by the keen eye of the crane with me. She leans her elbows on her knees and looks me in the eye.

"Jumping off from that, do you know what might be affecting you to cause you to have panic attacks? You don't have to tell me but if you do then I can do my best to help." She smiles genuinely at me, a calming gesture which makes my heart skip a beat and making me blush before I sigh and tell her everything that I've been going through the past few months.

I don't know what compelled me to just dump everything out like that all of a sudden, and I even felt bad for Zui who sat there taking in everything I was confessing, from my self-doubt, the stresses I've experienced on a daily basis, then the nightmares and insomnia which kept me up night after night.

Half-way through it all I started crying, at first it was light but as I kept telling her my worries, How I've been inconveniencing my sisters, particularly Shangri-la with my problems, how everything went wrong on the day Me, Princeton and Independence were suppose to relax, How I feel like I don't deserve Shinano's help and that I feel like I'm just burdening her with responsibilities she had no reason to be caught in… My crying got heavy.

As I said everything that I've been keeping deep down, I couldn't help but feel pathetic, couldn't help but feel that all these problems, all this baggage, should have been mine alone to carry. That I never should have bothered telling others and giving everyone unnecessary stresses. That perhaps I should have just-

"OW!!" I exclaim, putting a hand to my stinging cheek as I look at Zuikaku, who had her hand balled up into a fist and punched me, in confusion.

"What was that for??" I asked her. Zuikaku simply apologizes.

"Sorry, sorry, I tried calling you to make you snap out of it but you wouldn't respond so I decided to get a bit physical haha…" she laughs nervously, scratching the back of her head as she does. I sigh before wiping away my tears, smiling and thanking her.

"You know, how about I tell you what I do to help when I get panic attacks? It could help you too if it happens again." She suggests and I don't even have to think twice before accepting her offer.

"That's great!" She exclaims before standing up and offering her hand, "but first I really suggest you go and tell some of the medical staff about this just to make sure they're aware. It doesn't have to be now but the sooner the better, and hey, I'll even come with you!" I nod slowly before taking her hand and standing up.

"I could use something to eat after all that, I'm starving." Zui says as we start walking back, hand in hand towards port, making me blush in the process.

"Hey Zui…" I mumble timidly making the crane look at me.

"Thank you." I finish looking at her with genuine sincerity, making her smile even wider.

"It's my pleasure, Essex. Who would I be if I didn't help out one of the most important people in my life." She says as she kisses the back of my hand which she was holding, making not only me but also her face, red.

"That sounds so cheesy." I laugh a bit, Zui joining not too soon after. She then envelops me in a tight hug before kissing me on the cheek, right where she punched me.

"Cheesy, yeah, yeah I know. But I would be lying if I said I didn't mean each word." Zui says as she pulls away just enough to face me, smiling as she does so with a bright blush dusting her cheeks, same as mine.

"A-anyway!" Zuikaku exclaims turning away as we start walking once more, "Shoukaku-nee said she'll be making lunch today, you should come with! I'll tell you all about what I do to help with my panic attacks and anxiety on the way there."

"That sounds wonderful." I reply with a smile.

And so off we went towards the sakura dorms, a large weight lifted off my chest and a much better understanding of myself than before.

With people like Zuikaku by my side, perhaps things will never be too bad for me…