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“I’ve made up my mind, I won’t do it.” Castiel stated determinedly as he dropped his pencil and forcefully closed his biology book. “I don’t care what Anna says, I’m not going on that date.”
Castiel’s best friend Dean, who was sitting across from him, glanced up from his notes at Castiel’s sudden outburst.
“Your choice, I guess. But your sister means well, ya know… You’re almost eighteen, Cas. She just wants you to get some action.” He said, shooting Castiel one of his trademark winks.
They were in Castiel’s backyard, sitting on the grass, doing homework while at the same time soaking up some sun.
The two of them had discussed this topic before, several times in fact. Apparently Anna deemed it necessary to set her brother up for a date with a friend of hers, but Castiel had no intentions of taking this Meg girl out, even though he’d never met her and for all he knew she could be his perfect match. The reason that he was so opposed to giving the girl a simple chance? That very reason was currently staring at Castiel with bright green eyes that turned a special shade of emerald in the afternoon sun, wearing a lopsided grin that compelled Castiel to stare at a pair of full pink lips. Lips that were constantly beckoning to Castiel, as if they wanted nothing more than to be kissed.
If only… Castiel didn’t stand a chance, he was sadly aware of it. Regardless, that knowledge didn’t magically make his crush disappear, and what was the point in dating when you were already in love with someone else? Even if that someone else was your straighter-than-straight best friend. Castiel suppressed a dejected sigh, then forced himself to look away from Dean Winchester’s glorious face, staring at a nearby flowerbed instead, observing the bugs that buzzed around it.
“I understand that she’s merely trying to help, but Meg is not my type.” He gave Dean his default excuse for whenever the subject of dating was brought up.
“Yeah, because you can totally know when you haven’t even met the chick.” Dean scoffed.
Castiel didn’t have to turn and look to know that his friend was mockingly rolling those pretty green eyes.
“Believe me, I know.” Castiel insisted.
It was true; Castiel knew exactly what he wanted, and it wasn’t Meg, or any other random person that his sister tried to shove in his direction. As often as Castiel had prayed that his feelings for Dean would pass, it had been four years, and nothing had changed.
“Oh come on, it’s one date!” Dean countered. “It’s not like you’re gonna have to marry her, it’s just to have some fun, and maybe err… get some mouth on mouth action, if you know what I’m saying.”
Castiel’s eyes flickered back to Dean’s, and he made a face at Dean when he saw that smirk.
“I wouldn’t know anything about that, I most likely wouldn’t be any good at it.” Castiel blurted out dismissively, regretting the words immediately.
Dean’s eyebrows shot up at that, and he gaped at Castiel as if Castiel had just grown a tail.
“You mean, you’ve never…” Dean trailed off, and did a vague hand gesture to get his point across.
“I never had a reason to.” Castiel replied a tad defensively, briefly avoiding Dean’s eyes again.
There was a silence before their gazes met once more, and Dean stared at Castiel in a calculating manner, as if he was trying to solve some difficult math problem. Castiel didn’t like Dean’s scrutiny one bit, and Castiel’s fingers nervously started playing with the grass beneath them.
“That’s the problem, isn’t it?” Dean concluded, smiling to himself as if he was a true genius, then pointing a finger at Castiel. “You don’t wanna go on a date because you’re worried that you’re not gonna be able to deliver when the making out part comes, is that about right?”
Castiel almost had to laugh at how far from the truth Dean’s theory was. Almost, but instead he forced back his laughter, because if he just went with it, at least Dean would stop prying. Knowing Dean-stubborn-Winchester, he wouldn’t back down until he knew the real reason, and that was the last thing Castiel needed.
“You’re right, that’s why I’m putting off dating.” Castiel answered stiffly, putting on a straight face and hoping that it would sound believable. “The anxiety that comes with being inexperienced isn’t at all appealing to me. I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”
Lie. He wasn’t worried about kissing; it couldn’t be that hard. He simply wasn’t interested in kissing anyone who wasn’t Dean.
Smiling sympathetically, Dean put a warm hand on Castiel’s knee. Success. Dean was buying it.
“That shouldn’t stop you, all you gotta do is practice, Cas.” Was the advice that Dean offered.
Castiel snorted, meanwhile trying to ignore the feeling of Dean’s hand, still resting right there on his knee. “Are you suggesting that I should make out with a pillow, like Anna used to do back when she was twelve?”
Dean grinned and shrugged, removing his hand from Castiel’s leg and scratching the back of his neck. “That’s one way to go about it… Or you could ask a friend for help. Before I moved here, I was friends with a girl named Jo. Back when we were thirteen, we practiced on each other.”
Confused, Castiel tried to make sense of what Dean had said. Why would Dean tell him that? And why was Dean rubbing the back of his neck, again? Castiel knew Dean well enough to know he only did that when he was nervous about something.
Dismissing all of it, Castiel decided to make a joke to put an end to the awkward conversation.
“Well it appears that you are my only close friend, so I’m afraid that isn’t really an option, Dean.”
Thinking that he’d successfully steered away from that particular talk, Castiel turned back to his books, planning on getting the rest of his homework done. As he flipped through the pages of his notebook, he was interrupted by a quiet “Why not?”
Castiel’s head snapped up, and Dean was looking at him with one of his most disarming smiles, every freckle on his cheeks clearly visible where the sun touched his skin.
“Wait… W-what?” Castiel stuttered incoherently.
“I said, why not?” Dean repeated with a shrug. “You’re my best friend, you’d do anything for me… Why wouldn’t I help you out?”
This was it. Castiel had died and gone to Heaven. Or maybe not, because surely, what Dean was offering was only for the sake of practicing. Which meant that it wouldn’t be real. It would be a one-time thing. And Castiel wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle that. To be able to kiss Dean now, only to have it taken away from him forever right after. To have the thing he wanted most, just this once, fully realizing that nothing would probably compare for the rest of his life…
“But you… You like girls.” Castiel murmured for the sake of buying himself some more time to contemplate.
“So?” Dean asked, cocking his head. “You have a mouth, and I have a mouth… The technique is the same, has nothing to do with me liking the ladies.”
Green eyes narrowed expectantly.
And who was Castiel kidding? He wanted that taste of Dean. He needed it, even if he had to make do with it for the rest of forever, knowing that he would never be able to have it again.
His voice broke when he breathed his reply. “Alright, Dean… Teach me.”
Dean nodded, but his face was unreadable as he pushed their books out of the way and scooted closer to Castiel, not stopping until their knees were touching. Thinking properly was impossible with Dean being this close, and all Castiel could concentrate on was the feeling of his heart hammering in his chest.
“Just relax… Just let it happen and keep breathing through your nose.” Dean instructed quietly, his breath teasing Castiel’s lips. “Just let me lead for now, and try to copy what I’m doing.”
Castiel’s voice had checked out long ago, and all he could do was nod his consent.
The first thing he felt was the gentle touch of a hand against his cheek, pulling him in. Dean’s face moved closer, and closer, until Castiel’s eyes fluttered closed and he felt the press of Dean’s lips against his own. Those remarkably soft lips started moving while Dean’s thumb stroked along Castiel’s cheekbone, as if soothing him. The gesture was so sweet, and Castiel felt like he would explode with the feeling of Dean not only kissing him, but kissing him like he meant it. Like he wanted to kiss Castiel.
Dean tasted of the chocolate bar that they had shared earlier, and Castiel couldn’t hold himself back any longer. Soon enough his lips were moving perfectly with Dean’s, as if they’d been designed to do this. He lost himself in the kiss, not thinking about the consequences. Sure enough Dean would notice that Castiel wasn’t just doing this forpractice, but Castiel didn’t care, his hands moving up and into Dean’s hair, playing with the short strands. Dean moaned into Castiel’s mouth, and Castiel eagerly swallowed up the sound. Worth it… Even if this was the first and last time, it was worth it.
All good things had to come to an end eventually. Castiel pulled away when he was beginning to get lightheaded. Dean did the same, and Castiel hoped that his blush would go unnoticed, and that Dean wouldn’t be too angry with him for overdoing it.
Castiel chewed his lower lip as he stared at Dean. Staring back at Castiel in wonder, a smile was slowly creeping up Dean’s face. “Shit, Cas… You’re a natural.” He praised, looking awed.
As much of a relief as Dean’s lack of anger was, Castiel knew that he had to tell the truth. He had basically tricked Dean into this, and it wasn’t fair.
He opened his mouth to come clean, when Dean already leaned in again. With one smooth move, Dean gently pushed against Castiel’s chest until he fell back against the soft grass, and then Dean crawled on top, practically straddling him.
“I’m sorry, Cas… You just feel so good.” Dean apologized before dipping his head and brushing another lingering kiss against Castiel’s lips as if he was starving for it, both his hands framing Castiel’s face. “Please, kiss me again.”
Castiel gladly complied, pulling Dean closer by tugging at the collar of his shirt, not caring to dwell on why or how the tables had turned. They spent the rest of their afternoon exchanging lazy kisses, Castiel all the while trying to convince himself that he wasn’t dreaming…
~
Ding dong.
Friday night. Castiel had a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach as he went to answer the door. He ignored his mother’s smile of encouragement, as well as his sister’s excited grin. First dates were scary, even after kissing-practice with your best friend. Castiel pulled at his clothes, and ran his hand through his hair one last time before opening the front door.
Instant relief came at the sight of brilliant green eyes, and the contagious smile that Castiel knew so well. Of course it had been utterly irrational to be nervous, because after all, this was still the same Dean.
“All ready to go, Cas?” Dean asked, holding out a hand for Castiel to take.
“Yes.” Castiel said, ignoring Dean’s hand and going in for a hug instead, wriggling himself into Dean’s arms.
Dean chuckled against the shell of Castiel’s ear as he wrapped his arms around Castiel. “I’m excited to see you too, baby. Got lots of awesome stuff planned for us.”
Castiel had no doubts about it. Thankfully, first dates were considerably less scary when your date was also your best friend.