Work Text:
Little freak, Jezebel
You sit high atop the kitchen counter
Stay green a little while
You bring blue lights to dreams
He waltzed into the room like a soft summer breeze, soft hums following like flower petals caught up in his person. Delicate scent of the pans atop the lit stove drifted through and wrapped around them both, as he jumped high onto the counter, feet swinging in their youthful innocence.
Tobio could only gaze, as his hair caught the light of the settling sun, lighting the fiery crown upon his head, like a king who haunts his daydreams and fantasies. Blue ocean eyes, fond as the day they first saw, looked at the other like a simple commoner upon their god.
The other smiled, and all was well.
Starry haze, crystal ball
Somehow, you've become some paranoia
A wet dream just dangling
Soft laughs and softer smiles, window open with their curtains drawn, swinging in their space like grass blades in a meadow, beautiful in their balance as they mimicked everything that surrounds them.
His body too.
Calloused fingers, long and weathered, careful in their endeavours as their gazed down the soft skin.
Trimmed nails swimming between the trimmed hairs as a song of soft sounds echoes above his head, touch becomes heavier, purposefull as his hold becomes heavier, slick, sliding up and down like a musician playing their instrument, skilled and knowledgeable, to get the most out of his duo concert.
A hand in his hair coerces him into going faster, playing a heavy tempo as dainty hands weave between dark strands as if holding to a life raft.
And as soon as the laughs became breathier, softer in their harmony, they get louder and needier and as he feels new warmth between his fingers, as the off white drops rain onto his thighs and lower, onto the silky bedsheets,
But your gift is wasted on me,
I was thinkin' about who you are
Your delicate point of view
Red jerseys flying in the air, Taken off abrubtly as their wearers scream in delight. Hot Italian air drafts throught the open stadium roof.
The blue doesnt recognize the brown anymore
Does brown recognize blue?
I was thinkin' about you
He looked ethereal.
The red suited him, his whole being was summer shades, sunshine, tree bark, red lips and blue skies.
He can barely understand him now, speaking so fluently to his new friends, ones he doesnt know outside of what he has to as an athlete.
Tanned freckled skin, tightly corded muscles with miniscule scars he knows most stories of and flakes of dry skin.
“you need to remember to moisturize dumbass”
“but why? I got you to do that for me”
Ah.
I'm not worried about where you are
He sees him often.
During summertime when he visits his sister, he sees him with his hand taken, matching the pace of the afternoon sun.
Tokyo summers are always colder than Brazilian ones, so while he wears his tank top, he wears his soft hoodie, the one hes had since that year, the one his own hands washed in his mother’s washer as he dried his ginger locks in one of his own towels, a soft onyx fabric.
It was the norm, spending so long with someone, at someone’s, ought to make you leave a piece of you within those walls that arent yours.
His mom would laugh, saying how finding golden strands on pillowcases and in miwa’s hair brush was like finding gold in the night.
He remembers the scent of citrus and sunflowers, complete opposites yet both so prominent in making his smell like he did.
He used to bask in that aroma, like a black cat in sunlight he enjoyed and took advantage of because it was there, and there was no telling, in his feline mind, when it would set.
Cats dont know what time the sun sets.
He didnt know either.
Or who you will go home to
He does now.
And it hurts to think of what he lost, what he drove away with greed and pessimism, with anger and words, harsher than the training camps, that the autumn rain, than the montain air as he watched him bike away, and all he could do was stare, and wish upon the invisibe stars that he could turn back time,
Just one day,
To before it all went down, like a mud slide in their second year, where they were stuck on a side road in the bus packed with other friends and teammates. He remembers that warmth, as they cuddled, oblivious and light and without the strain future would put on their shoulders.
And so, as he sees him during Summer in Tokyo, hand taken, holding onto another, another that is larger, tanned and uncalloused,
And as tears fall,
He feels pathetic.
Because he wants to blame their talents, their upbringing and their height difference and he wants to blame all of the others qualities, just because he is different than him, just because his hair is brighter and eyes bigger, because his voice higher and friend count bigger, because he is the sun and Tobio just wanted to fucking stand next to him without the other stars and planets in the way,
Because he was his someone better,
But he cant.
I'm just thinkin' about you
Just thinkin' about you
He may only blame himself.
I disrespected you
Jumped in feet first and i landed too hard
Kageyama Tobio does not own Hinata Shouyou.
In his darkest days, he forgets
Greed is ones worst enemy, and he let its darkness encompass him, like a shadowy blanket with thorns digging into his sides, begging to itch scartch, to yell out ot let go, to let him breathe
It convinced him he owns the sun, that he was the creator of it and like a dog, it had his name engraved into his deepest valleys.
And when the flames didnt burn the first time, he tried to hide the sun in his shadow, he wanted to stand next to it and loom over it because he was convinced he was bigger than the sun, than all those stars begging for its light, he wanted it all to himself, he wanted to keep the sun under his arm, possessive and controlling, he wanted to coddle and steer the sun in his direction and to have the sun only look at him, to have the sun gaze upon him like a god,
So, like a maniac, he caught the sun and jumped.
Only the sun belonged in the galaxy, and he was only a god wannabe.
He fell, and only then did he look back, only then did he notice the happiness and love they shared, only then he realised that the world and the stars and the moons and planets need to sun, like he needs the sun.
And so as he laid in the cheap hospital bed, ankle deep in a cast, plain with no drawings, no hearts or get well soons’
He cried,
He cried for the one he drove away.
A broken ankle, karma rules.
You never saw my birthmark,
I was thinkin' about who you are
Your delicate point of view
I was thinkin' about you
I'm not worried about where you are
Or who you will go home to
I'm just thinkin' about you
And so as he writes, alone in his hotel room, tears gathered at his eyelashes, as he writes and writes of love long lost, of what ifs and what nots, of his regrets and how he can only blame himself how he drove the love of his life away with greed and selfishness,
How he couldnt bring himself to throw the gold band away, how he tore himself apart with regret and anguish and he watched the love of his life drive away, driven away by his words and heated eyes, how his mouth lied just so the other could hurt, just so he could see how much Kageyama Tobio loved Hinata Shouyou even though he couldnt put his feelings into correct words,
How he thought and made it seem as if he controlled the sun, while in reality he was a devotee, on his hands and knees, just to bask in the light,
How his heart tore apart, seeing them togehter, how the left side of the bed is always cold, the imprint of the smaller body long gone,
How he was a pathetic man, digging through trash to find the used bottle of shampoo, smelling the scent of sunflowers and citrus like an addict,
How the thousands of drafted messages sat in his phone, a click away from becoming reality,
How the letter laid open on his bed, paper collecting his tears as his mouth hung open in shock, hands shaking at the realisation that he really is gone, how he found another devotee, another one to hold his hand and cook meals, another one to make laugh and kiss and spend summers in Okinawa and another one that will set to him and another one who will follow him to the top stage who will hold gold with him and kiss in front of the stars-
Just thinkin' about you
Just thinkin' about you
- the other one who will put the gold band on his ring finger.