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It was late in that little house in Dirtmouth.
They had already battled Ghost to get into a bath, then had to battle them to get out of the nice warm water until it got cold and they bolted out wet. They were in bed now, snoozing away next to Hollow.
Hornet, for one, was glad she didn’t share a room with them when noting Ghost’s sleeping habits. Plus, she’s a light sleeper and Hollow’s a snuggler.
The only two in the home not cozied up in bed were Ogrim and Mato.
While they were all struggling to wash Ghost, Hollow had complained that a leg on the couch felt uneven even to them, and if it was noticeable enough for Hollow to bring it up, Mato took it very seriously.
So he turned the couch on its side, sat on the floor with a few tools nearby, and stared at the thing like it would fix itself. He was, in reality, trying to figure out which leg was the uneven one.
Hollow always sits on the left side…or…the right? Their left or his?
Mato grabbed a screwdriver and decided to just take all the legs off to see. He made a nice little pile of screws where he knew not even he would lose them. He was happy the legs just popped right off after.
He lined the four wood pieces together, pressing them together with an inquisitive hum.
The clinking around in the kitchen slightly distracted him, but he just shifted the legs to try and find out which one is smaller.
Or was it more than one? Did they say one was uneven or half? Gods, Mato couldn’t remember, Ghost was making such a big ruckus about soap...
All that played in his head was their "very convincing" arguement about why Soap should be killed and they should only wash with warm water...He waved it away to try and concentrate.
He yawned loudly and noted that when he did, the clinks quieted a bit. He heard a kettle whistle.
He tapped the screwdriver against his mask, thinking hard about it. Focusing on patterns was very hard for him when he was tired. Maybe he could sand them down so the whole couch would be a little shorter, but it’ll be even.
He didn’t know. He slept on pillows on the floor and his cot didn’t exactly have a bed frame! Mato realized he did basically have no furniture either because he just…liked sitting on the ground. Huh.
The ground was nice, he couldn't blame himself.
He heard taps on the ground and gauging by the weight it wasn’t Hornet. And based on the cup of tea being offered to him, he knew it was Ogrim.
“Thank you” He whispered with a smile and took it, putting it down to cool. Ogrim put a bowl of tea on the other side of them, sitting next to Mato.
The quiet approach was something Mato adored on sleepy nights like this. Ogrim put one claw around his back and settled his face against his cheek.
Mato’s heart soared as he waited for a kiss on the cheek, knowing this pattern by the warm breath puffed on him. It was common, but it was something he loved most.
Which became odd when it didn't happen. What happened instead was…
“PFFBHTT!!”
“Ough!”
Ogrim blew a raspberry against his mask, making Mato lean away in utter offense. “Ogrimmm!!” He tried to scold as quietly as he could, but Ogrim just laughed.
“Is the couch winning, beloved?”
“I’ll win against you with a screwdriver!” Mato joked, holding it up like a nail.
“Oh no! A screwdriver! Will surely pierce my armor! I am doomed! Felled by love!” Ogrim tapped it with his claw before lying on the floor, making Mato smile but he did not want to laugh.
“My favorite dramatic dork, gods. Hasn’t it been pierced before?”
Ogrim put one claw up and spoke matter of factly. “That fool was lucky.”
Mato sighed, shaking his head with a slight roll of his eyes. Ogrim simply giggled. "Sit up and or kiss me so I can have the will to fix this darn couch." Mato waved in front of him, not liking what he was looking at next to his husband being a big goofball.
"And or...? Can I kiss you from down here, it is quite late? Tea and getting to bed would be stellar, you know."
"You know what I mean."
"I don't think I do." Ogrim turned and took a sip of his tea from the floor. His smile remained fond.
"I want to fix this tonight for Hollow to have in the morning, but also want your kisses on my face and not your saliva."
Ogrim took that in and just made a couple of kissy noises from that spot to tease Mato.
Mato shook his head again, scooted closer, and moved down to kiss Ogrim on the floor like a sleeping prince in a book.
When they touched, Ogrim simply made another raspberry noise right on his mouth.
“I’M UNMARRYING YOU.” Mato joked, and Ogrim just laughed harder. “Nooo, no no I’m sorry, it was too good!”
“Sorry does not kiss my cheek and erase your pranks! I will-steal your helmet and kiss it instead.”
“Dig for it, love. Dig for it.”
“Guhhh.” Mato couldn't help but wheeze a laugh at that. He forgot he kept it in his burrow. “You’re insufferable. Is this your thing now? Being insanely dorky when you’re tired?”
“I can be dorkier the more tired I get.”
Mato looked at the couch legs and the candle on the living room table burning at the bottom, needing to be replaced.
“It’s…much later than I thought it was.”
“Yes, it is.” Ogrim sat up just to lay against Mato instead of away from him. “We need to settle down, love.”
“You don’t help that with said dorkiness, you know. You rile me up and you could wake the children!”
“It’s too cute not to. Your voice when you’re riled is so loveable.”
That made Mato blush. Only adding to the cuteness Ogrim so adored. “Ahehe…oh, you. I can never retain an ounce of resentment for your antics.” Mato picked up his tea and took a long sip. When he did this, Ogrim finally placed a few sleepy kisses on his cheek.
“That’s better.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t do it sooner, your majesty.” Ogrim chuckled, making another raspberry noise, but at least not on Mato’s person.
“So, when do you think we hold unmarrying ceremonies?” Mato asked this, with as straight a face as he could and Ogrim just bubbled with more laughter. “Nooo, I’ll marry you twice to counter that! Three times if I must!”
Mato put down his tea and picked up the screwdriver again, adjusting the couch legs to try and focus. “You’ll find a way to suplex me in front of everyone again, that's the only reason.”
Maybe if he used the screwdriver as a straightener...no he still couldn’t figure this out, he was too sleepy.
“It’s only a small percent! The rest is because I adore you!” Ogrim hugged him, snuggling into his cloak.
“Yeah, right. Okay, prove it. Show me which one of these is the uneven leg, so I can fix it when we wake, if you do then we can go cuddle in our cot as long as you want.” Mato gave it to him like it was some impossible task.
Ogrim let Mato go and looked at his problem. Mato took another sip of tea, waiting for Ogrim to feel a little stumped like he was.
Ogrim merely leaned forward, lined the legs sideways, and clasped them between the flats of his claws. Mato realized the error of his method immediately. He hadn’t been pressing down on the top.
So of course he couldn't tell which one wasn't even!
He also forgot that Ogrim was way better at math than he was. He could measure these legs without a ruler.
So after a moment of studying it, Ogrim plucked the uneven leg out and gave it to Mato.
“It’s this one. It’s missing a full chunk, I am surprised it wasn’t noticed sooner.” Mato looked upset at himself, which made Ogrim amend, “By the children. Noticed by the children.”
Mato just sighed and put the uneven leg next to the screws. “How long do you want to cuddle?”
“You know the answer to that, beloved.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
Ogrim helped Mato tidy up the couch, putting the loose parts in a hidden place where Ghost would not happen upon them before either man could wake.
They got into their temporary cot that they always set up in a corner of the living room, a mattress on the ground with a lot of pillows so they would feel at home.
With their tea still nice and warm, they got comfortable under the blankets and next to each other. Ogrim happily pressed against Mato and peppered his cheek with kisses, no more raspberries.
“I love you, dear.”
“I love you too.”
A pause of silence.
“Even when you’re a fartberry.”
“I’ll be a bigger one than you in the morning and make your breakfast last.”
“I’ll second that by not helping you make it.”
Both of them giggled, knowing they didn’t have the hearts to follow through on their joking threats. They cared too much, they just wanted to be silly to the other.
That’s what marriage is after all. Being with your best friend: and it’s fun to tease your best friend as much as comfortable. It wasn’t often they went too far with it.
They sipped their tea and lightly kissed each other. Mato forgot to say how perfect Ogrim made it in their banter. He knew Ogrim knew by the smile in his sleepy eyes.
They appreciated each other so much, being dinguses was just part of the plan.
Maybe it came with becoming fathers? Neither of them knew.
All they knew was that tea was delicious and so was the feeling of being in each other's arms.
The simplicity was lovely, they hoped it would never change.