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i. DEATH IS NOT WHAT BINDS YOU AND I
calamity runs amidst the blood of gaia, sinews and roots grotesque with the horrors and innocence of devil and human alike. in a world filled with deprivation and fear, you have chosen the worst ending for yourself, and one day you will come to terms with that.
a devil hunter knows little of joy and happiness, days filled with a brewing dread : quiet, lurking, unable to be ignored in the chaos. it lingers, seeps into your mind when you try to visit the dreamscape and only relive tragedy after tragedy. you do not call yourself a hero by any means, though your heart has good intentions of making the world a safer place for those deserving.
to be a devil hunter is to let go of your humanity before you lose it ; to be a devil hunter is to let go of those you care for, and to know that everyone around you will eventually wither and disappear. ( you will feel it all : the warmth on your skin from the bloodshed, the stinging in your eyes from the tears you will spill. you will feel it too much, over and over again. )
you have chosen the worst ending for yourself, haven’t you?
a blithe smile crosses your lips, but aki does not see it in the darkness. he stirs restlessly next to you, wonders what you are thinking. he does not ask. instead, he pulls you closer, shuts his eyes in the comfort of your bodies pressed against each other.
he does not ask, but he feels your smile against his skin.
( you have chosen the worst ending for yourself. it will not be peaceful, but it will be worth it. )
ii. BUT IT IS LOVE, AFTER ALL, THAT INTERTWINES US
there are times where aki wants to run away. there are times where he looks at you, the sunlight glowing on your features, and thinks to tell you that you should both pack your bags, run away, live a life that is free from impending doom. it would be so much easier, wouldn’t it? to wake each morning and know that you would not be throwing yourselves into the jaws of death.
he does not know if it would be selfish or cowardly. he thinks he is afraid of the answer, so he tells himself to be realistic and disregards such fantasies.
there is not a path to happiness in his life. not in this one, at least, but that doesn’t mean he must be a stranger to it.
wordlessly, he wraps his arms around your waist, buries his face in your shoulder as he hugs you from behind. it is quiet. you know what he is thinking of. you think of it, too.
you tilt your head back ever so slightly, inhale and exhale deeply, slowly. your hands linger on his arms, find reassurance in knowing that your lover is holding you in a world that frightens you both. this moment could be over in an instance, could never be relived ever again.
this world frightens you so dearly, but you keep on living anyway.
“stay with me, please.”
his lips against your skin, a ghost of his presence left on your soul. you move your hands, place them over his gingerly in a quiet promise you both know you cannot keep.
“i’ll try, aki.” and you will. you will for as long as the devils allow you to. “for you, i’ll try.”