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Sometimes it comes in flashes.
And everytime it does, Sasuke would find himself immobile, forced to see it all happening again, forced to relieve the terror he felt at each moment.
He was in his old house, an eight year old once again, his mother and father kneeling in front of him, his brother behind them with a sword.
He was in the forbidden forest, with Sakura beside him, and Naruto nowhere to be found. There's an enemy, with snake summons, and he's planning to kill them.
-kun
There was his brother, he's seeing him again after five years, and he doesn't waste time to put him under genjutsu.
Sa--kun
There was Gaara, who turned into a monster, and he was powerless, and forced to watch his precious comrades try to save him. Forced to see his new family getting hurt. Everything that was his, always seems to slip away from his finger.
suke-
There was Itachi, finally dying by his hand. But he felt empty, and he could feel his heart break when his brother suddenly pokes his forehead and then smiles at him. His brother is gone.
Sasuke
And here is Sakura in front of him, and he felt dread as he realized she was trying to kill him. And like instinct, he formed his chidori, ready to defend himself. His hand moves before he could think, its aim clear—right at Sakura's chest. It would be an instant death. She will die, by his hand, just like how his brother did. Another of his that will be gone from this world—
SASUKE-KUN!
Sasuke wakes up panting, heart pounding. It was still dark, like in his nightmares, but he could feel fresh air—can finally breathe properly, and there was a familiar warmth around him and a very welcomed flowery scent.
'Sakura.' He thought, and in an instance, he could feel his body relaxing.
It was just a dream. Sakura is here. She's alive.
"It's okay. It's just a dream. You're okay. You're okay now." Her voice chants, and he felt as if his body was melting in her embrace, with how tense was his body beforehand.
He finally feels mobile, his strength seeming to return to his arms, and slowly, he hugs her back.
They stay like that for a moment, with Sasuke clinging to Sakura as if she's his anchor.
Sasuke knew that was probably true.
When he was finally calm, Sakura gently pushed him down the bed and Sasuke could finally focus on his surroundings.
The familiar view of his hospital room.
Even Sakura in this background, with moonlight shining on her body was a familiar scene to him by now.
It's been a couple of weeks since his trials concluded, and a few days since he had started staying in the hospital at Sakura's recommendation and personal request. She had medically examined him—which Kakashi and Naruto had also undergone with, according to them, and is now helping him with his post-war rehabilitation.
Since he had refused the prosthetic arm, and since he didn't have any other serious injury, the rehab was mostly to help him adjust to living with a lone arm from now on, and between him and Sakura, helping him overcome psychological damage from, well, the tragedy that has been his life until recently.
It wasn't planned. He really was staying here simply for the physical rehabilitation, and since he still doesn't really have a place to stay. But one time, Sakura had checked up on him in the middle of the night, during one of her night shifts, and witnessed him having a nightmare.
She had helped him then, and ever since, would frequently check up on him at night. He knew for certain she had arranged it so that she would now always have night shifts. Naruto had been complaining of not seeing Sakura anymore because of her change of schedule.
But surprisingly, he welcomes it. He even craves that she visits him regularly, especially during these vurnerable moments, because she really does calm him down.
Her presence soothes him. And unexpectedly, he didn't mind much that she witnesses him in his most vulnerable state. After all, she is probably the one person who knew him best. She'd seen him at his best and worst, and still accepted him. And after everything that has happened between them, he felt it was the least he could do to simply be true and unarmed before her.
"Can you go back to sleep? Or do you wanna talk about it?" She asks him.
He shakes his head, his eyes not moving from her face. And in a hoarse voice, he says. "It's okay. It's just the usual.'
But she frowns at him, still looking worried.
Sasuke's face softens.
"I'm okay. Thank you." He tells her, now with a small smile.
That phrase. Those two words that means a lot to the two of them. Lately, he had been saying that to her very frequently.
Sakura smiles at him, a little sadly, and shook her head as if to say he didn't have to thank her.
They were quiet for a moment, and then Sasuke start speaking once more.
"But, can we..." He started.
"Yeah?" Sakura prompted.
"...Can you stay for a while?" He asks.
Sakura looked a little caught off guard initially, but she eventually smiled, her expression showing some relief.
"Of course, Sasuke-kun." She tells him.
Truly, she's thankful he's finally asking for things he wanted. They were babysteps, but she knew this would help him in the long run. After all, in order to solve a problem, you must first acknowledge that there is a problem.
Sakura sat at the side of his bed, watching for cues if she's making Sasuke uncomfortable. She doesn't want to intrude in his personal space. But on the contrary, it seemed like Sasuke relaxed even more when she came nearer. And to Sakura's surprise, he was the first to move and take her hand.
But that was it. They both stayed quiet.
Sakura could see that Sasuke was thinking, and she lets him be, all the while holding his hand in return. She knew what he needed right now is a space to think... to work through his nightmare, and the reassurance of someone being there. And she was happy she can give that to him.
They had done this before, although with Sakura being more of the initiator. She would stubbornly stay with him, sometimes asking him to talk about his nightmare or distracting him with other thoughts, or other sensations like the sound of the cicadas, or the smell of coffee she once fortunately brought with her.
Meanwhile, Sasuke was deep in his own thoughts. Sakura's presence and scent truly soothes him, but his mind keeps going back to his nightmares.
They weren't unusual. In fact he's memorized it all by now. It was all those specific memories that he comes back to in his unconscious state, and it worries him.
Sometimes these dreams feels like a warning or a threat.
He'd lost everything but his friends.
Even his friends, he almost lost.
He knew it was irrational, as Sakura had recently started telling him, but sometimes he thinks that he's being punished for all the bad things he had done, and he's destined to just lose everything he holds dear.
He's trying his best to hold on to Sakura's words. Like she said, he was—is a victim. It was hard to believe even now, but he wants to. He trusts Sakura and he wants to believe what she says.
He is a victim. He shouldn't have had to go through everything that he'd gone through. He knew this, understands it logically.
But it was amazing how much he struggles to truly believe it.
And it was in these times that he gets scared—terrified even.
He suddenly felt some pressure on his hands and he turns to look at Sakura who was quietly smiling at him. She probably noticed him getting agitated. But her simple gesture has effectively distracted him.
He took a deep breath and consciously tried to calm himself down. The warmth on his hand truly helps.
And that was one of the things he's mulling right now. Sakura.
He knew it. Now that they've spent time together—rekindled their friendship and started to once more know each other, he can acknowledge it. He was sure Sakura knew, too.
She had always been precious to him, even at his darkest hours, but now with all of those behind him, he knew there was something more brewing between them.
And it was scary. Not because he was scared of intimacy, but be because when he thinks about it, and no matter if he deserved it or now, the fact of the matter is, he seems to always lose people he loves.
At one point, he had almost lost one of his most precious people—possibly slowly becoming his most precious now, by his own doing. It scares him more than anything, to imagine having to go through that kind of heartbreak again.
Especially since he knew that if ever it did happen, it would be the most fatal blow ever, after everything that they've been through together.
She has really become that important to him.
He has only started healing, if he ever lost her, he was quite sure he'd never recover.
He hadn't even realize he was already trembling, just thinking about it. It was then that he suddenly felt her warmth once again surrounds him as Sakura gave him his second hug for the night.
Sakura is here, and as always, all his attention went to her. And he felt himself calming down once more.
"Are you okay, Sasuke-kun?" She asks him carefully.
But Sasuke, still distracted with his thoughts, could only say in return,
"Sakura, can I keep you?"
He was surprised at what he said out loud. He hadn't planned on asking that at all.
He felt a bit embarrassed, but also very vulnerable. Even more than when she catches him having nightmares.
Sakura stared at him for a moment, looking as surprised as he felt. But eventually, somehow, as he looks at her eyes, he knew she had understood where his mind was, where the question was coming from.
She always had been the one who understood him the most, maybe even more than he understood himself.
"Yes." She answers him, with a small smile that she keeps only for him. Since he had been honest with her, she knew she ought to be honest as well.
"I'd really like that, actually." She tells him, blushing a little. "Please keep me however long you want me beside you."
Sasuke stared at him, touched, but also a little anxious. He knew she was being genuine, and it wasn't her—his dark thoughts kept invading his mind and it feels like them comfirming what they feel for each other is somewhat him disregarding the warning signs that is his nightmares.
"...But what if— Sakura, I..." He didn't know what to say, how to express his fears. He thought they might not make sense if he said them out loud.
"I... can't lose anything anymore." He finally says.
But Sakura only moved forward and hug him once more. Sasuke closed his eyes to savor her touch.
"Don't tell me you forgot, Sasuke kun?" She asked, talking in almost a whisper. "I've become strong. I don't need saving or protecting anymore. You won't lose me that easily. And you're not the only one who'd be willing to protect me, either. Everyone has gotten strong." She tells him logically.
"You won't lose me. I promise."
He kept his eyes closed as he drowns himself on her words.
It was all true. He just need to overcome his fears. He just need to trust that he is strong enough now to protect what his, unlike when he lost his family.
He just needs to trust Sakura.
And he does.
Sakura felt his arm snaking their way around his middle, and then Sasuke pulling him even more closer to him in a tight embrace.
They stayed like that for a moment, seemingly with Sasuke trying to ground himself.
And then, without letting go of her, he asked quietly, "Do you still have things to do? Can you... stay here tonight?"
Truthfully, Sakura does have things to do. But as she had been on continuous night duties for more than a week now (since Sasuke started staying in the hospital), with her colleagues begging her to take a day off, she knew they wouldn't mind if she disappeared tonight.
"Yes." She answers him.
--
END