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Peter’s internship was on Tuesday and Thursday. The weekends were optional, but the kid made a point to show up on either Saturday or Sunday. Tony looked forward to those days. They worked in the lab, figuring out all possible improvements to the spider suit or tinkered with some of Tony’s inventions, and if the kid wasn’t feeling up to anything, they’d simply order pizza and watch a movie.
That, however, began to change.
“Sorry, Mr. Stark. I won’t be able to make it this Thursday.”
“We have a big test on Monday, so we’ll be studying the whole weekend.”
“Decathlon practice got moved, can’t make it today.”
“I’m helping to move some furniture as Spider-Man tomorrow, don’t wait for me.”
Now, don’t get him wrong, the kid has cancelled a session here and there before. That’s why he hasn’t picked on anything suspicious the last few weeks. Life happened, Tony understood. Not everyone was a superhero billionaire able to cancel and reschedule things without repercussions.
The final nail in the coffin came in the form of Peter last-minute cancelling every single session these last two weeks.
There was only one possible explanation.
Peter was avoiding him.
The next Monday, Tony walked into a quiet coffee shop, heading straight for their – well, “their” – booth. May was already there, looking at the menu.
He slid into the seat opposite of her. “Hey, May.”
“Hey, Tony,” she greeted with a smile, setting the menu aside.
After the whole Homecoming disaster and the kid’s accidental identity reveal to his aunt – and the following yelling, tears and negotiations – Tony and May came to an agreement to meet once a month to discuss their spiderling. May would talk about Peter’s grades, and Tony about the internship and adjoined activities. If either of them found something unsatisfactory, they would push the kid into the right direction.
Peter not getting enough sleep or his grades slipping? Reduce patrol time. May worrying about his safety? Work on upgrading the suit.
A form of co-parenting, you could say.
Sure, he could push the responsibility onto Pepper, but ultimately decided against it in fear for his own safety. She and May were in a different (terrifying) league, already got along too well, and with the kid having Pepper wrapped around his finger, Tony would be the one to receive the scolding even though it was Peter’s chemical reaction that covered the walls with extra sticky webs, Pepper, I swear it wasn’t my fault—
Anyway…
Placing their usual order for chocolate cappuccino and butter croissant for May and black coffee and blueberry muffin for himself, they went over their “checklist”. Grades were great, the kid was healthy, and his social life hasn’t suffered.
Usually, Tony would’ve already known that Peter aced the big chemistry exam or was helping Ned build a new Lego set. He could keep smiling and nodding along, pretending that everything was okay, but May’s threat of “ripping him a new one” if he kept something from her again made him reconsider.
“He’s avoiding me,” he admitted. “I have no idea what I did, but he’s avoiding me. Every time we are supposed to meet, he has some excuse.”
And then May laughed at him. Well, more like chuckled, but still.
“Don’t worry, he’s not ditching you or anything,” she said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “He’s just spending time with his girlfriend. You know how beginnings of relationships are. First, they can’t get enough of each other, and once the lovey-dovey stage passes, it’s more or less back to normal.”
“Oh. Okay. That’s good then.” Tony reached for his cup and took a long sip, tension bleeding from his shoulders. So, the kid hasn’t suddenly decided to ditch him. He was just being a teenager, doing teenager-y things and spending time with his—
Wait…
Tony spat out the coffee.
“His what?!”
Thursday rolled around, and Tony found himself parking on the street opposite of Midtown, far enough to not be noticed but still having a good view, waiting for the final bell to ring. He hasn't gotten any text cancelling the internship yet, but Tony wasn't taking any chances. They were talking today and on his turf.
He wouldn't be able to handle the ridicule May would no doubt put him through if he attempted it in the Parkers' apartment.
A swarm of teenagers left the building at last. For a moment, a panic seized Tony. What if Peter slipped past him in the hormonal tsunami?
His worries evaporated once he spotted a familiar mop of brown curls sitting on the stairs near the entrance. And he wasn't alone.
Because there she was, nonchalant as if she hasn't caused Tony to lose sleep.
Peter said something that made the girl - Michelle, or MJ, his brain supplied - roll her eyes, then leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
A weak sound escaped Tony's mouth, and if he had a pearl necklace, he would’ve clutched the hell out of it.
Huh. Maybe he should start wearing one. Who knows, he even might set up a new trend. Pearl necklace and three-piece suits.
Tony started the car and pulled up into the pickup lane before things could further escalate. He honked twice, then stuck his head out of the window. "Peter!" he waved, going for the casual approach, and happily ignoring the previous deal to not draw attention.
A man shows up one time in the Iron Man suit while being driven by a personal driver in a cabriolet and suddenly the kid starts using the metro to go to the tower. Ridiculous.
Well, at least no one could claim that Peter's internship was fake anymore.
As expected, Tony's shout attracted looks; first at Tony, then at Peter. And then the whispers started.
The kid looked like a deer caught in a headlight, his head whipping left and right, trying to assess the damage. Under different circumstances, Tony would've felt bad about smoking the kid out like this, but oh well. Desperate times called for desperate measures.
"Come on, Parker! I'm not getting any younger here!" he shouted again, keeping the smile plastered on his face.
Peter exchanged a few words with the girl, with her looking smug and him looking like he hoped the ground would open up and swallowed him whole. Some quick nods and waves later, the kid marched over to the car and threw himself in. No kisses.
Good.
"Hi, Mr. Stark. Uh, first of all; what the hell?" he asked.
"Nice to see you too," Tony replied and pulled into the traffic.
"You promised!" Peter cried out. "No more drawing attention to me, that was the deal! Do you realize that means the prank war is back on?"
"I'll get you pizza from that fancy place you like."
A pause.
"Garlic bread too?"
"Yep. And the bread sticks."
The kid mulled over the offer before bobbing his head. "You're forgiven. For now," he added. "So... what brought you here?"
Okay, careful now. Don't make it obvious, Tony thought. "I wanted to catch up. It's been a while since we saw each other, and I've got this cool upgrade to your suit. But about that later. How have you been? Anything... interesting going on in your life?"
"Oh, you know. Same old."
"Are you sure?"
Ever so slowly, Peter leaned away from him, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Yeah? Why are you asking?"
"I just told you."
"Well, I don't believe you."
"I missed you!" Tony nearly yelled, his voice strained. "Am I not allowed to miss my favorite spider kid? You barely come by anymore."
"I was busy!"
Alright then, subtlety won't lead anywhere. Time for a true Stark-fashioned honesty. "Oh yeah? Doing what? Smooching your new girlfriend?"
The instant the words left his mouth, the kid's cheeks turned bright red. "I- ho- wha- I mean..." he stammered.
Tony, ever so merciful, decided to spare Peter the misery. "Yeah, I know about that. I've seen everything on those stairs; the whole tonsil examination." Okay, he was exaggerating. So what?
"Tha-that's not what happened!"
The light turned red, and Tony whirled his whole upper body in Peter's direction. "I'm not ready to be a grandpa!” he said, wide-eyed as he gripped Peter’s shoulders. “You're a baby. A baby can't have a baby, that's against the nature! Don't you know how babies are made? By holding hands and kissing!"
Peter hid his face in his hands. "I'm sixteen, not six. I know how babies are made, and it's not the way you described."
"We'll have to plan your wedding.” The light turned green, and Tony’s hand retuned to the steering wheel. “Or Pepper will have to plan it, she's better at it than I am."
"What? No! No wedding!"
"Then no girlfriend! You can have girl friends, but no girlfriends until you're at least twenty-five." Nu-uh. No way. The kid tended to forget to tie his shoelaces. As he said, Peter was a baby. His baby. “This wouldn’t have happened if you spent more time with me in the lab. There are no temptations,” he grumbled under his breath, almost inaudibly.
In the following silence, Tony realized that almost inaudibly meant loud and clear for the kid.
"Mr. Stark," Peter said slowly, and Tony could swear he saw gears turning in that smart head of his. "Are you... jealous?"
Jealous?
Him?
"Pffft, please,” Tony sniffed. “What could I be jealous of?"
Peter sat up a bit straighter. "Oh my god, you are! You're jealous I'm spending more time with MJ than with you!" he exclaimed like he solved a particularly difficult equation.
"Am not."
"Are so."
"Am not!"
"Are so!"
Come on, that was ridiculous! Tony was never jealous. No, no, no. He just missed the time spent with Peter, missed the way he blabbered about stuff and confined in him, and it felt a bit like a betrayal that the kid hasn’t shared the news with him…
Huh.
“Okay, maybe – and that’s a big maybe – I am a teeny-tiny bit jealous. Don’t laugh at me,” Tony pouted.
What the world has come to? He, Tony Stark, getting laughed at by a teenager.
“Sorry, I’m sorry,” the kid wheezed out, not sounding apologetic at all, “oh, this is so good. MJ will love it.”
“Well, I’m glad you find my worries about you becoming a single mother entertaining.”
“It’s okay, Mr. Stark. I promise you I won’t become a single mother like you.”
“Good. Good, good, good.” Another light turned red. "Did you get the… uh, talk about the birds and the bees?"
The seat belt clicked, and Tony’s head snapped in Peter’s direction. His eyes shift from the kid’s face to his hand halfway towards the handle, then back to his face. “Don’t try it,” he raised a finger
"I'm pretty sure this is a kidnapping."
Neither Tony nor Peter moved, frozen in a stalemate. The faster one wins.
They both lunged at the same time, but luck was on Tony’s side. He pressed a button and the doors locked, leaving the kid to fruitlessly claw at the handle. "I take it as a no, then. So, let's begin."
Peter screamed.
"And that's how you do it correctly and avoid the rash," Tony finished as he pulled up into his garage and unlocked the door.
“My life is over,” Peter muttered as he clutched his head in embarrassment. “This conversation should never happen. Just launch me into the sun.”
Tony rolled his eyes and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Oh, come on, don’t be so dramatic.” Peter was a good kid, but it was better to be safe than sorry. If a little embarrassment was all it took to ensure Tony wouldn’t become a grandpa just yet, then so be it.
Just then, Peter’s head snapped up. “I’m telling Pepper!”
“Wait, no—” Tony said, not fast enough to lock the door again; the kid was already out and sprinting to the elevator. “I’ll get you two pizzas! Three!”
Peter only smiled in a way that promised revenge and waved before the elevator door slid shut.
Ooh, Tony was going to be in so much trouble once he stepped foot in the penthouse.