Chapter Text
She doesn’t know how it happened.
No, that's a lie. She knows exactly how it happened. Maybe she should say that she was surprised when it did happen.
Rachel noticed how things had changed in the days after they had lost nora. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her, the others weren’t very secretive about it. But she didn’t care, she had more pressing matters to worry about than the six other girls she was stuck with.
Nora was gone, she had lost a hand, they were still stuck and hope of rescue was pretty much nonexistent. No one blamed her for the way she was acting but that didn’t mean Rachel wasn’t filled with guilt for it.
She tried to focus on distracting herself, spending the days with Leah. Keeping them both busy was important, it kept their minds off everything else going on. But it was at nighttime when things started creeping up again.
Each of the girls took turns watching her, giving small talks on the beach as Rachel stared out at the water as if Nora was going to magically appear. all it did was make her feel guiltier.
Things started to change a few days after they all moved off the beach. Rachel thought all of the others were asleep, the conversations died and everyone’s breathing seemed to even out so she assumed she was safe. Laying on her back, she looked up at the canopy. It was darker out here than on the beach, the trees blocking out the moon and stars.
Rachel's thoughts went back to the day it all happened. She thought about how peaceful it felt to just float in the water and how quickly it changed. How none of this would have happened if she hadn’t gone in the water that day, how Nora would still be here if she hadn’t been so selfish.It was all her fault. She didn’t hear nora or the others screaming for her until it was too late, until-
She could feel tears rolling down her cheeks before she could even process that she was crying.
It was all her fault. That was the mantra that’s been playing in her head since it happened. It was all her fault. she blamed herself. Nora would be here if it wasn’t for her.
Rachel doesn’t realize she was making noise until she feels a hand on her shoulder. Turning her head, she could see Martha kneeling next to her makeshift bed, her vision blurry with tears as she looked at her concerned face.
“I-I’m sorry,” Rachel croaks out quietly but Martha doesn’t say anything. Instead, she moves to lay down next to Rachel and pulls her into her arms. Rachel is stiff for a moment, not used to this much physical affection from someone who wasn’t her sister; and even with Nora, it was still rare. After a moment or two, she accepts it, turning her body and falling into Martha's embrace. her face burying into Martha's neck while Martha wrapped her arms around Rachel's body. The embrace made her cry harder but now her subs were muffled. Martha didn’t stop her, she didn’t say anything at all, she just held Rachel, rubbing her back softly and humming a soft, unknown tune against Rachel's head.
Rachel must have fallen asleep because the next time she opened her eyes, the sun was starting to rise beyond the trees. Martha was still next to her, one arm around Rachel's back and the other draped over her own face as if she was shielding her eyes from the light. It was the first night in a long time that Rachel was able to get some decent sleep. She was still tired, her eyes were sore, and her throat was dry, but there was something so comforting about what Martha did for her.
They did that every night after that. The conversations would die out, the girls would go to their beds. Toni and Shelby in one, Leah and Fatin in another, Dot would either sleep alone or on Fatin’s other side, and Martha would go to Rachel. They didn’t talk about it, it just became an unspoken thing between them. Martha would come to Rachel’s bed and hold her while she cried.
Rachel hated showing emotions, even back home. She kept everything bottled in until it destroyed her. But with Martha, it was the first time she was able to feel and let those emotions out and she knew that Martha wasn’t judging her.
Martha was there for her, she was helping fill the hole where Nora should be. Of course, no one could. She helped.
But then Martha got hurt. She watched as Toni started to fall apart, how she started lashing out at everyone, yelling about how no one was helping her. It was like looking into a mirror. She saw herself there, yelling about Nora, yelling at Leah and Shelby on that mountain on that second day. Toni stormed off, probably realizing that she was going to make things worse if she stayed.
So Rachel stepped up. Martha had taken care of her for so many nights, it was her turn to return the favor. She held her in the water, she raised water through her hair, she sang to her quietly. It felt like the least she could do.
Then rescue came. Or so they thought. They were taken to some bunker, put into separate rooms under the guise that they needed to quarantine for their health and to be questioned about what happened on the island.
That just meant they had to relive everything that they went through. As if Rachel hasn’t been doing that every single night in her restless, nightmare filled sleep.
They soon learned that none of it was real. They were stuck in some sick game by some woman named Gretchen Kline. She put them all on their first island, pretended to rescue them, only to strand them on a second island.
There were only a few bright sides to it all, if you could even call them that.
One: Martha was taken care of by the so called nurses and apart from how weak her body was, she was okay.
Two: they had a real shelter, running water, and some food that was left behind.
Three: they had each other and thanks to Leah, they had some of the story of what was going on with them.
“It’s all some fucking game she’s playing. She’s trying to prove how women are better or some shit,” Leah said after that first day of them being alone. They all sat in a makeshift dining room, eating canned food they found covered in dust in some cabinet.
“Well it would have been nice if they at least left us some of that sweet food they were giving us,” Dot mumbled.
“Some of us didn’t get In-N-Out like you, Dot,” Toni called out but she had a light laugh to her voice. Dot just rolled her eyes, regretting that she had told them all that. Fatin questioned why Dot got so much special treatment but they let it drop quickly when she reminded them all how her dad died and she was manipulated just like the rest of them.
“We need to check every corner around here,” Leah said, still focused on whatever the fuck is going on here. “I bet there are cameras or microphones hidden in all the rooms, just like there were on our island.”
“We will, don’t worry,” Fatin reassured her with a hand on Leah’s shoulder. Everyone could see the guilt on Fatin’s face for not believing Leah in the first place, but no one mentioned it because they were all feeling it. They felt like they were in debt to Leah for calling her crazy all those times. Leah was right.
But if Leah was right about the island, did that mean she was right about Nora? Rachel hasn’t asked about it yet. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.
The only people who stayed quiet during dinner were Martha and Shelby. Things were tense between Sheby and Toni. Rachel caught them sneaking glances at each other but their faces were filled with sadness. No one mentioned it but Rachel was pretty sure they had broken up over the whole Martha thing.
But Martha was okay now. She was quietly working through her food, struggling some but she had Toni by her side, basically hand feeding her.
They all agreed to stick together. After spending nearly two months together, they talked about how hard the past few days have been with being separated.
“Listen, I know we give each other a lot of shit, but I really fucking missed you guys,” Fatin said when they were done eating. They were all still sitting together. It was just like they would be doing on their island but this time they were sitting in hard metal chairs in a prison-like bunker. “I felt like I was going crazy being stuck in that room alone.”
“Some of us did go crazy,” Leah pointed out, her voice flat and deadpan which made everyone look around uncomfortably. But after a second, she broke out into a laugh. “I’m joking, guys. Come on, we can joke about it, it’s fine.”
“You did go a little crazy, but you were right,” Fatin reminded her.
“Yeah, Leah, we should have listened to you,” Toni added.
That night, Dot and Fatin drug their mattresses into Leah’s room, falling back into their habit of the three of them sleeping together. Rachel went back to her own room, exhausted but mentally and physically. She had actually been enjoying having a room to herself. Not that she didn’t love having the other girls back, but it was nice to shower and have a bed again.
She laid in her bed, staring at the cold, curved all in front of her, trying to piece together everything that they knew about this whole thing. None of it made sense. Was Nora really a part of it all? Nora was the reason she went on the trip, did Nora set that all up? Does that mean- Was Nora okay? If the whole island was a set up, maybe that meant Nora’s death was too.
Rachel pushed that thought away. She didn’t want to get her hopes up when they were still stuck in another fucked up situation.
Hearing footsteps, Rachel rolled over in her bed. They all agreed to leave their doors up for the sake of their peace of mind. Martha stood in the dimly lit hallway for a second before limping into the room.
Rachel sat up, “Martha, are you okay?”
“Can I-” she started, clearly out of breath from pushing her body too hard. “Can I sleep in here?”
It was honestly a little weird to hear Martha ask, mostly because they had slept together for weeks and never asked. Maybe the fact that they would be sharing a real bed and had walls around them, it felt different. “Yeah, of course,” Rachel said, pulling the blanket back for Martha to get in with her.
The bed was small compared to what they had been sleeping on in the jungle but way more comfortable. They laid on their sides facing each other, the bed forcing them close. Not that either of the minded, they were used to having limbs intertwined.
“How are you feeling?” Rachel asked quietly, her eyes scanning over Martha’s face.
“Tired, but I’m doing better.”
“I’m glad,” there was a faint smile on Rachel’s lips. “You really scared us there.”
She could feel Martha shift, her arm moving up to drape over Rachel’s side, almost like she was hugging her. “I’m sorry. I can’t tell you what happened. Those people, I don’t know if they were doctors now that we know some of the truth, but they told me that my mind and body shut down. The trauma of it all.”
Rachel nodded, it’s what they had assumed on the island, but she was just glad that she was doing better. Of course it would be a long road to recovery, without any real help and still being stuck, it wasn’t going to be easy. But she just hoped that they would be able to stick together and hopefully they would be able to help her if it happens again.
“It’s okay,” Rachel said softly, running her hand over Martha’s hair, smoothing it down. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“Me too.” Martha gave a soft sigh before shifting closer to Rachel, burying her head into Rachel’s neck.
And as if none of it had happened, Rachel and Martha pick right back up where they were on the first island. Martha would come to Rachel’s room after they all separated for the night, they would share her bed and hold each other while they slept.
But then it happened.
They were laying in her bed like every other night, Martha was talking about how she was worried about Toni and Shelby. “Did Nora ever date people?” she asked quietly, clearly worried about bringing up Nora.
Rachel shifted slightly, taking a deep breath. “She did, she had a boyfriend last summer.” She still had so much guilt surrounding what happened with Quinn. She felt like it was partly her fault that Nora broke up with him and then after everything surrounding his death- Rachel hated herself for stepping in the way of Nora’s happiness.
“I know something bad happened between Toni and Shelby, but she won't tell me. I have a feeling it was because of what happened to me.”
Rachel didn’t want to agree or disagree. It wasn’t her place. Plus, she knew just as much as Martha. Toni and Shelby had stormed off and the next time they saw Shelby, she had cut her hair off and there was a weird tension in the air. Everyone could just assume what happened.
“It’s hard seeing your sister hurt,” Rachel said instead.
“Yeah, it is. I just wish I could help her. I just, I don’t know how.”
“Well knowing Toni, she won't ask for help but you being there for her would be enough.”
“That’s true,” Martha said with a small smile. “I know she loved Shelby, probably still does, it just hurts to see her like this.”
“You have such a big heart, Martha.” Rachel watches her for a second, watches as her face reddens with blush. “Toni is really lucky to have you as a sister.”
“I’m the lucky one, I heard how worried she was about me.” Martha’s eyes dropped from Rachel’s face for a second, as if she was scared of something. But looking back, Rachel would call it nerves. “I also heard how you took care of me. I never did say thank you for that.”
“Martha, you don’t have to tha-”
“But I want to,” Martha cuts her off. “You took care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself.”
Rachel shifted closer to her, pulling her closer in her arms. “You’ve taken care of me, of course I would return the favor when you needed it.”
“I- I can never put into words how grateful I am for you.”
They watch each other, staring into each other’s eyes in silence.
Brave isn’t a word Rachel would have used to describe Martha when they first met, all those weeks ago on the plane or those first few days on the island. She knew nothing of her or her struggles, she didn’t know all the things she would have to overcome and do on the island, she also didn’t know what it would be like to watch Martha make a decision to make the first move. But Martha was one of the bravest people Rachel has ever met.
There’s a split second, as Martha moves closer, where Rachel’s eyes glance down at Martha’s lips, as if she was silently telling her to go for it. The next thing she knows, their lips are pressed together in a soft kiss. It was quick, more of a peck than anything deeper.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I just did that,” Martha says, quickly pulling away. Rachel could see the fear and worry written on her face.
“Hey, don’t be sorry,” she said quickly, tightening her grip so she couldn't pull away fully.
“It’s just- we’ve been spending so much time together and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’ve never done that before.” Rachel can tell that Martha is rambling. Her moment of bravery has been taken over with anxiety.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Rachel gave her a soft smile, her hand rubbing gently against her back, trying to ease some of her worry. “You don’t have to kiss me to show that you appreciate me.”
“No I- I think I just really wanted to kiss you,” Martha’s face turned red as she said it.
The smile on Rachel’s face grew. “We could do it again if you want. But only if you want to.”
“I do.”
With consent, Rachel leaned forward this time, closing the space between them until their lips touched. This time, it was longer, deeper than before. Now that Rachel wasn’t taken by surprise, she could put more into it. She doesn’t know how to explain it, but something shifts in her as they kiss. She never would have expected it, but looking back on how they have been acting since that first time Martha climbed into her bed and held her as she cried, it makes sense. Martha has made her feel safe, made her feel cared for. She felt lighter when they were together, like she didn’t have to carry so much on her shoulders, she didn’t need to hold everything in. It felt right to be kissing her and to show her how much she cared about her in this way.
By the time they break away for air, Rachel’s face was hot, her hand gripping Martha’s shirt tight. “Was that okay?” Rachel asks, opening her eyes to look at her.
“I-” Martha starts with a stammer. “Yes, that was more than okay. I think I’d like to keep doing that some more, if that’s okay.”
A smile pulled on Rachel’s lips as she closed the gap between them again, mumbling against Martha’s lips, “we can definitely keep doing it.”