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It was kind of unfair the way Takeda-senpai got under his skin. Completely unfair, honestly. Keishin had hardly ever spared a thought for romance until he joined the Karasuno volleyball club, but in the span of only a couple of months he'd had more thoughts about sitting together with his senpai, holding hands, and even kissing than he would ever admit out loud.
The worst part was how Takeda-senpai encouraged his thoughts without even knowing it - every day during volleyball practice the bespectacled team manager would throw some kind of praise his way, and it took a large physical effort to not blush or fumble the ball in the moments after.
If Takeda didn't notice him, or wasn't the type to compliment the players so much, Keishin could rest easy in the knowledge that there was no potential for the two of them. But each well-timed serve or solid receive earned him another "Nice job, Ukai-kun!" or something similar, and the little flicker of hope inside him grew steadier. It was awful. If Takeda-senpai was as kind as he acted, he would have put Keishin out of his misery weeks ago.
His one respite was working before school at the corner store his parents had opened. He'd hated it at first, since it meant he had to miss out on morning practice three or more days a week, and he knew there was little chance of becoming a starter player while that was the case. But if nothing else, it was a few less hours a week that he had to be in the same room as Takeda-senpai, so as he stood behind the counter, he tried not to grimace too deep.
"Can I get a pack of those?"
Keishin rose his eyes from the speck of ink on the counter that he'd been staring at for the last five minutes, meeting gaze with a man who was not much taller than he was - and probably not much older, judging by the Karasuno school shirt poorly hidden under a plain jacket.
He followed the customer's pointed finger to the cabinet behind his own head. Cigarettes. He considered saying something about the fact that the guy was clearly under the legal smoking age, but who was he to turn away a paying customer when he knew how worried his parents were about the success of the store?
The 400 yen that the guy was pulling from his wallet sealed the deal. Keishin handed him the packet and took the money, sending the customer off with his typical (mumbled, insincere) goodbye.
The cat clock on the wall meowed 7 o'clock, and with very little enthusiasm, Keishin took off his apron and picked up his school bag, ready and unwilling for a long day of being in the same facility as the boy who made it so hard for him to think straight.
--
After-school practice went suspiciously well. Takeda was too busy filling out forms for the team's upcoming training camp excursion to comment on anyone's playing, which Keishin found an incredible asset to his volleyball skills, but also bitterly disappointing somehow. Going red around the ears whenever Takeda-senpai addressed him was awful, but even more awful, he decided, was the absence of his attention.
The team had been released but Keishin took his time collecting his stuff and lacing his shoes, knowing that if he got home before sundown his parents would ask him to help close up the shop. So he dawdled, squinting against the sunset as he shuffled down the hill towards his home. Between school, the shop, and volleyball, he kind of wished he had more time to just relax.
"Ukai-kun!! Wait a sec!" A voice hollered from behind him, and it took a few seconds for Keishin to even realise who it belonged to. As soon as he did, though, he froze in place. Takeda-senpai was running after him specifically? What could he possibly want? He willed his dumb fucking heart to stop beating so loud, but he knew that trying to talk the blush down from his cheeks was a lost cause.
The team manager reached him only a moment later, resting his palms on his knees for a moment to catch his breath. Each gulp of air was agony against Keishin's ears. Senpai was... so unfit. And so, so cute.
"Jeez, I'm glad I caught you!" The dark-haired boy finally wheezed out. "Sorry for the fuss. It's just that, I was hoping to get your phone number?"
Once, in junior high, Keishin had received a medicine ball to the chest during phys-ed class drills. He'd fallen on his ass, the breath completely knocked out of him, and he'd heaved and panicked for minutes before he felt like his lungs could work again.
The feeling he got in his whole body when Takeda-senpai looked up at him, hopeful and expectant, was just like that, but if there were two hundred medicine balls and they were all on fire.
He forced his mouth to move, hoping that Takeda didn't think by his stunned silence that he was turning him down. "O-Of course, yeah, wow I-- I never thought you'd ask for something like that, Takeda-senpai! It's good timing, I only got a cell phone a few weeks ago when my dad bought himself a new one. You can put your number in mine, if you want...?"
The strange expression on the boy in front of him made him pause. He looked kinda sad, but like he was cringing at the same time, and suddenly the fiery medicine balls pelting at his body increased tenfold. Did he misinterpret the situation? Was Takeda only asking as a friend?! He opened his mouth to apologise, but the manager beat him to it.
"Um, actually I just... need a contact number to put on your excursion form. I couldn't find one on the school records. I'm sorry if I gave the wrong impression, I-"
"It's fine." Keishin knew he didn't sound like someone who thought it was fine. He sounded like he wanted the earth to swallow him up, like he wished he never came to Karasuno in the first place. His voice felt sore in his throat. "Paper?"
Takeda hurriedly pulled out a crinkled sheet from his jacket pocket, and handed it to Keishin along from the pen from behind his ear. It was still warm from being pressed against his hair. Keishin wanted to fucking die.
He scribbled down his cell number and his parents' landline, too embarrassed to ask which one was needed. After a curt nod to his senpai, Keishin turned away stiffly and resumed his walk, far more briskly than before.
From behind him, he heard Takeda bid him good evening, and something about practice tomorrow. Keishin tried to block his ears from the sound. This is where hope gets you, he thought bitterly as he shoved open the door of his home, nails digging into his palm.
--
Keishin wasn't scheduled to work the morning shift in the shop on Thursdays, but he volunteered to do so anyway. His mother remarked on how good he was, offering to help like that, but his stomach felt sick over the knowledge that he was doing it for purely selfish reasons.
He couldn't face Takeda-senpai again. Not today, anyway - the embarrassment of the night before was still fresh in his mind, heating his face anew every time he thought of how stupid he'd been. Takeda-senpai was probably still laughing to himself over the dumbass first year who thought he'd have a chance with his manager. Keishin didn't even try to force a polite expression as he served a slow drabble of customers.
He stayed behind the counter until he knew he was going to be late for school if he didn't run.
The school day was long and tedious, and all his least favourite classes seemed to have more work than usual, but it was something to focus on, so Keishin was almost glad for it. It was only when his last class was released for the day that he even remembered that he had volleyball practice, and the thought made his stomach lurch.
He couldn't skip, not if he ever wanted to become a starter player, but the thought of facing Takeda-senpai was unbearable. What if he stopped complimenting him during practice, because he didn't want to lead him on? What if he kept acting as if nothing was weird, out of pity? Takeda-senpai was such a kind person, but every conceivable action seemed like the slowest form of torture to Keishin.
By the time his feet dragged him to the gym building, he could already hear the team doing warm-ups and drills inside. And with them, of course, would be Takeda-senpai. He paused on the footpath, suddenly feeling a surge in his stomach like he was going to be ill.
"Hey, you're the corner store kid, right?"
Keishin swallowed deeply in an effort to keep his lunch inside him, shocked half from his ongoing situation and half from the shock of the unexpected voice. He looked up to find two guys leaning on the metal wall of the gym, wearing Karasuno uniform shirts but otherwise in complete violation of the dress code, with jeans and non-uniform jackets and cigarettes between their teeth. Oh. Now that he looked closer, he could recognise one of them as the guy who bought cigarettes from him a couple of days ago.
He swallowed again and nodded. He knew that the delinquent look was supposed to be cool, but in a country town like theirs, it just looked like they were trying too hard.
The cigarette guy motioned him closer. "Come hang out for a while, as a thanks for the cigs."
Keishin felt as if the decision should have been harder. He should be loyal to his team, to himself, and not accept offers from weird kids who thought they were cool. But the temptation to avoid the embarrassment of facing Takeda won out almost immediately, and he walked with them around the side of the building with only a little bit of guilt in his chest.
--
As it turned out, "hanging out" consisted mostly of the two delinquent boys (whos names Keishin never bothered to ask) talking amongst themselves and occasionally asking in round-about ways if they could have discounts in Keishin's store. It was boring as fuck, really, and the smell of their cigarettes burned his eyes, but it was better than the alternative.
The sun began to set, and not long after he heard the distinct sounds of the volleyball team pouring out of the gym door on the other side of the building. The chatter of his teammates got softer and softer as they migrated towards the school gates, and Keishin wished he was a part of that instead of sitting in the dirt with two seniors who didn't seem to have an interesting thing to say between them.
He furrowed his brow, trying to think of some excuse so he could go home, but his focus was distracted by a too-familiar figure walking only a few meters away, heading towards the volleyball club room. One of the boys lit his cigarette, and Takeda-senpai's eyes flickered towards where the three of them sat, alerted to their presence by the sudden light.
In the soft light of the twilight, Keishin could see Takeda's face twist with disappointment. It was the kind of look that made Keishin want to cry and apologise all at once, but he could barely even keep his gaze.
If he thought he'd felt sick earlier, he felt about a hundred times worse now, as he watched Takeda hurry into the club room without sparing him another look.
A minute passed and Keishin felt so flushed with guilt and embarrassment that he was sure it showed on his face. He knew Takeda was going to come out of the club room at any moment, and the idea of seeing his face again - especially in that terrible, sad expression - was terrifying. But his legs felt rooted to the spot, his heart beating with anxiety and self-hatred and how do I keep fucking everything up.
He only moved when his cell phone buzzed against his thigh, more out of shock from the unexpected vibration than anything else. He shoved his hand into his pocket and flipped open his phone, squinting at the brightness of the screen and the icon flashing "one new message".
from: unknown number, 5:06pm
> Why don't you ditch those guys and walk home with me instead?
The door to the volleyball club room swung open, and after a moment the light in the room went dark. Keishin could just make out Takeda's form locking the door. The third year turned towards him and motioned for him to come closer, and although it's on shaky legs and with an unstable heart beat, Keishin does, muttering a goodbye to the two boys as he stands.
He resists the urge to jog, but just barely. Takeda looks so pretty up close that it's kind of hard to be mortified over their last interactions, but that doesn't stop Keishin from bowing slightly in an attempt to fix the situation. "I'm sorry, senpai. I won't skip practice again."
Takeda shakes his head slightly, setting a slow walking pace towards the school gates. "It's fine. I guessed that you were probably kind of embarrassed over what happened yesterday." He glances over at Keishin, and he feels his face heat with a guilty blush. He'd kind of hoped that Takeda had forgotten about it in some freak amnesia-inducing accident or something.
"But!" Takeda stops still suddenly, Keishin wobbling as he tries to do the same. "I want you to know that you shouldn't throw away your skills in volleyball just because you do something awkward! You're going to do so many awkward things in high school, Ukai-kun. So many! As is the nature of the high school experience!"
Keishin can't help but smile a little despite himself. Takeda-senpai's speeches were always so strange. "I know. But this one was super embarrassing, is all."
Takeda resumes walking, and Keishin follows in tow. "I don't know about that, Ukai-kun. I thought it was kinda cute, actually. Though you'd be cuter if you didn't keep such terrible company" The older boy nods over his shoulder, and Keishin can physically feel his soul leaving his body through his pores, because Takeda just said the word "cute" two times in sentences that were referring to him.
He feels like yelling into a pillow for a really long time, but he manages to wheeze out an actual sentence instead. "Thanks for looking out for me, Takeda-senpai."
Takeda smiles, face illuminated by the street lights as they pass under them. "It's not all for your benefit," he winks at Keishin, and Keishin dies, "I wanted an excuse to hang out with you too."
Takeda takes his hand and gives it a little squeeze, pulling away a few seconds later. Keishin tries not to stare at the blush on his senpai's ears, and fails dismally. Maybe it's okay to be a bit embarrassing when you're hanging out with someone who's the same.
--
They're almost at the bottom of the hill by the school when Keishin has a thought.
"Hey senpai... did you take my cell number for yourself after all?"
Takeda splutters, suddenly looking everywhere but Keishin's direction. "Uh, well, it really was for the school records, but-- Well, I figured you were so eager for me to have it that you wouldn't mind?"
Keishin hides his face behind his hands until Takeda pries his fingers away one by one.