Work Text:
“if you ever need anything, i’m here.”
the words he had read a thousand times over suddenly gained new meaning. the words “need anything” in particular were bulging out of the screen. he needed tons of things, new books, this month’s rent, a plane ticket for far far away, but most of all he needed a distraction. gakushuu knew himself better than he knew anyone else; he knew his flaws, his better qualities, and his darkest desires, but that was reasonable, expected even. there was a time, however, when gakushuu knew another boy, around his age, like the front of his hand; not the back.
the front of his hand, unlike the back, was traced and inked everyday for years, it was there as an agenda when his physical one was too far away, it was where he held the things dearest to him, and the lines he’d look at when he was drunk on caffeine and needed reassurance on his love life.
the front of his hand was karma, and it truly was karma that he could only ever know himself a fraction of the way he knew karma akabane. he knew the other boy’s flaws, his perfections, his mannerisms, the way he spoke when he was upset, the way his eyes lit up when he was happy, and that he was a man of his words. when he told gakushuu he’d be there for him, he would be.
so he began to type a short message, one that had been on his mind for hours now, ever since he came to the conclusion that he had to purge himself of his most recent- train wreck ex. it was short and simple really, just a quick favour he needed from the redhead- was he even still a redhead? who knew what he did to his hair in the past four years.
“i need you to makeout with me.”
he didn’t expect an answer, honestly if he knew karma was well as he claimed, karma wouldn’t fall into this trap, he was smarter than that and stronger than that; but people change, and karma gets bored.
“where and when”
that was funny. gakushuu hadn’t felt this way in a while, his whole stomach was churning and turning itself in and out, a nervous reaction he had grown out of. he had to recollect himself before replying. after hours of rethinking he realized karma answered a little too soon anyway, and his reply time was more than acceptable.
“my place at 8”
“k”
it was finished, and so was gakushuu. what led him into believing that this was the best course of action for even a second? he sat and thought about how much willingness and effort had to go into his actions, first he had to decide that he wanted to makeout with karma, then he had to think about it and decide whether it was the best choice, and after he did he would still have to get his phone out and open his messages, then scroll all the way down to find Karma Akabane in his list of conversations, and finally he had to type every letter of his message, and hit send. all of that for another panic attack, great.
at 8:03 his doorbell rang and he contemplated breaking out the window, but instead he brushed himself off and went to open the door.
“hey,” he said as he opened it. there karma was, looking at him with a concerned look on his face and two hands in his pockets. it felt like nothing had changed. “come in.”
karma took his shoes off, and like clockwork he put them in a spot that had been shoeless for four years. gakushuu winced. it was all deja vu.
“why does it look the same?” karma asked, looking around the house.
“the layout is sentimental.”
“ah.” karma looked like he was thinking. “okay.” he walked over to gakushuu, who was sitting on the front bench, with a small frown on his face.
“look, I didn’t call you here to make things awkward, it was a mis-“
he grabbed him by the face to make out with him. gakushuu’s eyes widened before he reciprocated. he remembered thinking he really needed this, enough to go through the whole process of getting karma into his house, and now he understood why. in some twisted way his subconscious had been longing for this.
“so, did you need anything else?” karma asked, staring into gakushuu’s eyes, that were clouded with doubt and something not unlike nostalgia. he was confused; and though he wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting when he invited karma over to his house, he had only predicted 30% of this.
“can you stay for the night?” he asked, covering his face in the blanket again. this was embarrassing as is.
“yeah I wasn’t gonna go home anyway,” karma admitted and joined him under the blanket. “are you okay?”
“I’ll manage,” gakushuu turned the other way, annoyed at how he followed him.
“You never ask anyone for anything, come on.”
“And you never answer sex calls but look where we are now.” karma stayed silent for a moment.
“well, I kinda missed you today.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, and when you texted I figured it was a sign. crazy right?”
“You’re crazy anyway.”
“In a good way or a bad way?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”