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You didn’t need to tell Shiraishi An twice in order for her to be confident. She was proud of herself and her group, as well as the music they made - being artists at a younger age wasn’t an easy feat, nonetheless. In fact, she was so confident in what she did that sometimes it became a little irrational. Certainly her friends didn’t mind keeping her in check when the time came.
Well- perhaps the more accurate way of putting it was that most of the time she was confident. See, An liked girls–a lot more than the normal ”straight girl,” but really, she didn’t want to think about that right now– so what good was supposed to come from that? How could she possibly act confident when a pretty girl laughed along sweetly to one of her jokes, or offered to help her with her things? Normally, this would only be a rare occurrence, but upon forming Vivid Bad Squad with her friends… no, it was definitely before that.
Upon meeting Azusawa Kohane, An had realized that she was in a heck ton of trouble. She couldn’t possibly manage to be in the same group as the cutest, sweetest, most perfect girl in the world. That would be too much.
Evidently, she had to get used to it; An had decided by the time their third performance arrived, she would be able to establish the boundaries between being friends and oh good god, liking her new best friend a little too much. She was confident, and self-assured- what else could someone need in order to survive? If she were in the jungle (or some other ecosystem, she wasn’t one to pay attention in her science classes), An would be the top of the hierarchy. The fittest for survival. Yeah, that’s what she was.
Twenty, forty, sixty performances in and Shiraishi An was nowhere near close to figuring out her feelings. So, she had to take matters into her own, manicured, perfect-and-would-not-do-a-bad-thing-ever hands.
“Akito!” is the first thing she yells out when making her way into Kamiyama’s courtyard, watching as the boy jumps in response and shoots her a glare. Not that it did anything- Akito’s bark was worse than his bite. Please, she’s seen the guy try to fistfight before. “Need your help with something. You’re in, right?”
Without hesitation, Akito replies, “I’m busy.”
“Busy kissing other men?”
Akito furiously blushes and glances over at Touya beside him (An swore he wasn’t there) before reluctantly getting up and dragging her over to another corner of the courtyard. A shame that An can’t stop herself from victoriously grinning. “Dude,” the ginger says, visibly gritting his teeth and kicking a rock on the ground (one that An noticed was about the size of a small pebble and did not need to be kicked), “You did not have to say that in front of Touya, you asshole.”
An shrugs. “Why is it such a big deal? It’d only be a big deal if you- hey , wait a minute,” she begins to say slowly, raising an eyebrow and narrowing her eyes, “Yeah, why does it matter so much to you, Akito? Are you worried that the ‘kissing men’ thing won’t be a joke anymore?”
“No, that’s not it.” Frustrated, Akito crosses his arms and looks away. “It’s complicated or something. You wouldn’t understand it.” When Akito lets out a long exhale and shuts his eyes, An tilts her head curiously. Not only was it clear that the question made him think, but it was clear that maybe there was a little more behind the scenes than what An had assumed. “Touya and I have this- this thing going on that definitely crosses-”
“... the borderline of friends and dating,” An finishes, eyes widening, and the realization hits her like a bus full of Wonderlands x Showtime enthusiasts. “Akito, I think I get what you mean more than you think you do.”
“Yeah? How so?”
“Kohane and I–I mean, right now it’s not a mutual thing, I’m sorta in this boat by myself–are in the same situation. I guess I can admit that I don’t really know how I feel about her! But she’s so cool, and cute, and when she puts her hair down I really, really do think that she’s the prettiest in the world.” She sighs and leans against a tree, shoving a hand in her pocket and using the other to twist around a dark lock of hair. “I know that I sound like I’ve got a crush on her. But I don’t, promise.”
Akito matches her position, leaning against the tree beside her, and snorts. “You sure about that? ‘Cause it definitely seems like you do.”
“I told you I’m straight, didn’t I?”
If there was anything to describe the expression on Akito’s face upon An’s statement, it would be the extreme lack of air and not being able to breathe.
“You’re what?”
Seriously, why does everyone question it when I say that? An thinks to herself, even Mizuki did, and they’ve known me for such a long time. “I’m straight! I mean- I’ve been asking myself if I really am, but I like guys! Like, that one guy from the anime Touya showed me… He’s my favorite. He wears the suit, umm..?”
“Reigen,” Akito corrects her, “and just because you like a fictional guy doesn’t mean it dictates if you like real guys or not, dipshit. You’ve never liked an actual guy before. Just Reigen, for some reason. Shit taste in fake men.”
“Maybe it doesn’t, but I assure you I’m straight.” Huffing, An shakes her head and then leans over to immediately punch him in the shoulder. Getting off of the tree, she offers a wave to him and starts to walk away. “Thanks anyways, Akito! I hope you’re sore after that.”
Once she’s out of earshot, the boy lets out a groan. “You asshole.” Akito rubs his shoulder, scowling. “Too dense for your own good.”
An’s finger hovers over Haruka’s contact on her phone–she was always busy, and she never wanted to be a bother to her friend’s idol career, after all–and deeply inhales before pressing the button, setting the phone down on speaker mode and starting to brush out her hair.
The phone only rings twice to her surprise. “An? Is something wrong?”
“Haruka!” the girl in question cheerfully exclaims, smiling. They lived totally separate lives and didn’t get the chance to talk much; on the instances they spent free time together, it always seemed to end too early. “Hey! We haven’t talked in a while, how are you?” Her smile remains on her features when she switches out the brush for a comb- if she was going to stay on the phone with the idol, she’d might as well take care of her hair at the same time.
“Not much, honestly. MMJ has been gaining a lot of traction since we continue to release covers, so that’s one good thing! Other than that, I need a haircut. How are you, An?”
“I’m certainly… doing. Who knows what it is, though,” An mumbles. “Actually, Haruka- I called you for some advice. Mind entertaining me with a possible answer, haha..?”
Despite An’s fears of the unlikely, Haruka seems pleasantly delighted with the idea of being able to support her friend. “Of course. I’ll answer anything to the best of my ability. What’s on your mind?”
The girl in question clears her throat. “I need you to tell Minori-chan to tell Kohane to meet me at the park in exactly three weeks, two days and nine hours.”
A silence falls over the call. “... An, if you were going to ask Kohane on a date, I’d preferably do so in a way that doesn’t involve both me and my girlfriend for unknown reasons.”
“Huh? Why?” An stops combing her hair, and her eyes widen in shock (for some reason, she hadn’t been expecting rejection in response to her absurd plan).
“Well, when it comes to dates–or this meeting, I should say–it’s best to be clear and direct with the person you’re asking, right? If you ask Kohane through other people, the date will mean nothing when the time comes.” The lilt in Haruka’s voice gave away the fact that she’d been laughing, presumably at An’s horrible planning skills. An blushes deeply at the realization. “In fact, I- I’m still a bit amused at how you very casually asked for me to ask my own girlfriend, Hanasato Minori, to ask your girlfriend on a date for you.”
“She’s- not my girlfriend.”
Based on how Haruka didn’t stop her laughter, An concluded that she probably sounded disappointed on the confession that no, she was not dating Azusawa Kohane.
“Then what’s the real question here, An? There’s more to this, right?”
“I…” Unaware, An feels a knot at the base of her throat restraining her from continuing. Ah. The conversation really was embarrassing to talk about with other people. “How do you know if you like someone or not? Like, how’d you get together with Minori-chan?”
“I don’t usually rush into telling people these things, admittedly… But based on how you’ve been speaking about it, An, I think you already know the answer.”
“Hey, there’s no need to tease! If I’m asking this in the first place, I probably don’t.”
Haruka giggles. “If you’ve been considering this so intensely–whether or not you like Kohane, that is–then I’m assuming you already do, and there’s something stopping you from letting yourself accept it.
For me, it was the idea of liking a girl. I’ve never liked a girl before, and knowing that I do like girls is so… odd. I’ve always found them pretty! Girls, whether you like them or not, are pretty in one way or another. But finding that I wasn’t exactly interested in dating a guy and was more interested in dating a girl…” Haruka’s voice trails off, and An leans closer to her phone, as if it would bring back the sound of the idol’s voice.
She takes the silence as a chance to think. Closing her eyes, An takes in a deep breath and lets her shoulders relax as she breathes out. Think, An, think. When was the last time she’s been interested in dating a guy, ever? Has she ever been interested in dating a guy to begin with?
Well, there was her answer for that one.
Okay, An assured herself, just keep thinking. The thing that Haruka had mentioned was interesting, especially when taken into the context of her own feelings. She’d been thinking so hard about liking Kohane, and wasn’t uncomfortable about any part of the prospect. For some time now, An had been running around her feelings, going in circles- and, the fact that it could’ve been this way since the day she met the brunette was even more of something to bear.
“An, are you there?” The idol on the other end is the first to speak up.
“Haruka,” An inhales and ignores how tense her shoulders were, “I think I’m gay.”
“Really? You’re the last one to know.”
An had never wanted to shake someone so badly. After a few days of elaborate planning (read: rambling in her diary about a certain pigtailed girl and planning every other hour), she’d mustered all of her courage to dedicate herself to a singular day where she’d ask Kohane out. Unfortunately, today was the day, and she was starting to believe that maybe she had placed too much confidence in herself.
Lucky for her, Touya was the only person around in the cafe since school had ended. So, An did what any good friend would do and grabbed his shoulders roughly before shaking him around.
“Ah-” Touya yelps, evidently startled by the fact that a girl several inches shorter than him was throwing him around like he was a doll. “Shiraishi? What are you doing?!”
“Not now, Touya! I’m too busy panicking my ass off!” There were no signs of stopping.
Sighing, Touya steadies himself and puts his hands over An’s, grounding her; he then gently takes them off of his shoulders and stretches out his arms. An watches as he casually takes a seat down and calls over An’s father to ask for a cup of coffee (as usual, since he hardly ever ordered anything else), seemingly unaffected by her antics.
“Are you…” An looks up, searching for a way to phrase it. She drags over a chair to Touya’s table and sits backwards, leaning forward on the back of the chair. “Are you, like, not surprised by any of what happened?”
“Knowing you, it wasn’t anything unexpected. And Akito told me about your plans for today, too. I wish you luck with asking out Azusawa, though I’m sure you won’t need it.” An squints, and notices Touya’s lips graced with the hint of a smile.
She immediately stands up, planting both palms on the table. “He told you?! That was supposed to be top-secret, I’m going to kill him when I see him… Hey, where’s your boyfriend, anyway?”
“He has some things to do at school,” Touya replies nonchalantly.
He took that surprisingly well.
The bell at the door rings, and Kohane steps a foot out, walking into the cafe. “Good afternoon! I was told that I should come here- oh, there you are, An-chan-”
An shares one look with Touya–Touya shrugs and nods, as if affirming that she should go about her plans–before running full speed at Kohane and dragging her back out the door.
“An-chan?!”
While Kohane continues to question her motives, An continues to pull her along the sidewalk until they’ve reached a side alley branching from Vivid Street. It really is a beautiful place in the daytime. The specific side alley that An’s directed them to was decorated with graffiti of vibrant teals and pinks, doodles of signatures and angel wings and practically any type of art An could wish to have in an alleyway. Based on the way that Kohane keeps silent, only looking at the walls with interest, An finds that she shares the sentiment.
The black-haired singer keeps an eye on a crate next to her as she turns to Kohane with a bright smile. “It’s real pretty, isn’t it? Before we met, I used to come to this specific spot and trace my fingers over the paint.”
“It’s super pretty, An-chan! I still don’t know why you brought me here instead of your dad’s cafe, but everything is so cute,” Kohane exclaims, giggling.
An suddenly feels very shy. Clearing her throat, she scratches the back of her neck. “I, um… I actually wanted to talk to you, Kohane! Well- we could talk normally in the cafe, but Touya’s there right now, and I wanted to speak to you alone.”
“Mhm? What for?”
She ignores the shaking of her arms and her light breathing as she reaches down, taking the cover off of the crate and pulling out two things- a bouquet of multicolored tulips, and a white stuffed bunny with a pink ribbon. An averts her eyes, blushing and holding out both things to Kohane.
Vaguely, An can hear Kohane gasp and place a hand over her mouth, and she feels the brunette reach out to brush her fingertips over the tulips’ petals. “An-chan, you…”
“I really like you, Kohane! A lot! A whole bunch that… um…” I really need to get it together. An quickly inhales and exhales. “Honestly, I’ve been thinking about this for a while- before I even realized that I liked you, it was so… weird being in a group with you, because it made me worry about if I’d be able to stop wanting to hug you every second we were together, or if I’d be able to stop blushing whenever you were around. And that in itself- gah, I can’t believe I didn’t realize until now! I love you a lot, Kohane! I’m lucky to be able to know you, and I’m lucky to have feelings for you, too.”
The pounding in her heart is loud, overwhelming her eardrums; timidly, An opens one eye.
Kohane’s eyes are welled up with tears, a hand over her mouth, and An only has a split second to process the sight before Kohane runs into her, hugging her tight and close with her arms around An’s shoulders. Though she’s well-aware that her jacket will probably be a little wrinkled with the force of Kohane pulling alongside the dampness of her tears, An still hugs her as tightly as she can.
“I love you too, An-chan, I… I know that we both say it a lot, but- I learned that I never liked a girl as much as I like you! You’re the coolest, prettiest, and most talented person I’ve ever met, and without you, I don’t think I would be here with the rest of Vivid Bad Squad.” Kohane’s face was buried into her shoulder, and An pats the top of her head sweetly. “Please, um- I don’t know if you were going to ask this or not, but will you-”
“Of course I’ll be your girlfriend, Kohane! Oh my gosh, I thought you’d never ask,” An whispers, nuzzling her nose into Kohane’s hair, and Kohane giggles with no intention of letting go. “I’m… still trying to accept the fact that I like girls, and I don’t like boys. But I like you, and that’s all that matters for me right now.”
“I like you a whole lot too, An-chan.” That was all Kohane needed to say in order for An’s heart to melt, right there, onto the pavement and rubble of the alleyway.
Though, she didn’t care all that much. In fact, An was rather proud of her courage for being able to confess to her crush, who doubled as her best friend and the girl that brought back her hope of surpassing the largest events and continuing to improve. Ignoring her initial denseness at avoiding her feelings for Kohane, she’d managed to end the day with a girlfriend, and a plan at sorting out how she identified as a person in general. This was a total Shiraishi victory in her eyes, even if it didn’t involve RAD WEEKEND in the slightest.
Sweet. With the girl she loved by her side, life would be more than a breeze. (Next, she’d have to hope that Akito miraculously disappears out of the blue one day, and then she’d be satisfied.)