Work Text:
It was Saturday night. Justin was laying down on his bed while staring at the ceiling in front of him. There were three empty bottles of beer in his side table and one in his hand.
Bumangon ito sa pagkakahiga saka ininom ang beer na hawak. Pang-apat na niya ito ngunit hindi parin siya tinamaan ng kalasingan. Gusto niyang magpakalasing. Gusto niyang magkaroon ng lakas na loob na kausapin ang kanyang ex-boyfriend sapagkat alam niya sa sarili niya na siya ang may kasalanan kung bakit sila nagbreak.
"You're so stupid, Justin. So stupid talaga, nakakainis ka!" sambit niya sa sarili.
"Ken, we're breaking up."
The look of horror plastered on Ken's face. He was taken a back by Justin's words. Hindi niya ito in-expect. Maayos naman ang kanilang relasyon. Hindi naman sila nag-away. Wala ring tampohang naganap pero bakit biglang naging ganito?
"Come again, baby? You want to break up?"
Justin answered yes without hesitation. Napatingin si Ken sa kanyang nobyo at nakita niyang ang seryoso ng mukha nito.
"W-what? Why? Did I do something wrong?"
Ken leaned closer to his boyfriend. He tried to hold Justin's arm pero hindi ito pinapahawak ng kasama.
"Wala naman. It's just that, I feel like I don't deserve you. Napakabait mo sa akin. You trust me so much too. Pinakilala mo na rin ako sa parents mo. Parang too good to be true na feel ko magsasawa ka rin."
Hindi ito maintindihan ni Ken. "That's his reason?" he asked himself since he can't comprehend Justin's words. Bakit parang baliktad ata?
"Jah.." Ken inhaled heavily. "I did all of that because I love you. No other reasons and no hidden agenda. I just genuinely love you."
Justin looked away and then replied, "I know but I don't deserve your love, Ken. I will only break your heart in the future and I don't want that to happen. Mas magandang ngayong palang, maghiwalay na tayo.."
Justin walked close to his room's window and glanced at the environment outside. He sighed again. "Ngayong nakipagbreak ako, bigla ko naman siya namimiss. Nakakalito ka naman, Justin."
Nilagok niya ulit ang hawak na beer. Napatingin siya sa kalangitan at napangiti ng bahagya. "Mukhang uulan pa nga. Bagay pala sa kalagayan ko. Sige, mag emote ka buong magdamag."
He opened his phone, hoping for a message from Ken but his heart sank when he found nothing.
"Mukhang ayaw na niya talaga sa akin. Ni hindi nga niya ako binisita o kinausap for a week. Nasa kabilang kanto lang naman bahay niya pero kahit ni ha ni ho, wala talaga."
He softly hit his head, "Bobo! Malamang syempre nakipagbreak ka sa kanya."
He glanced again at his window and in its reflection, he saw a big box inside his cabinet. Napatingala si Justin sa nakita at inisip kung ano nga bang nasa loob nito. Napangiti ito ng mapakla matapos niyang mapagtanto na doon niya nilagay lahat ng mga letters at gifts ni Ken sa kanya.
Lumapit si Justin sa box saka ito dinala sa kama niya. Kinuha niya lahat ng letters at gifts pagkatapos ay nilatag ito sa kanyang harapan.
Dear Justin,
Hello mahal! I know this letter is so unexpected but I just want to say that I love you. Kahit alam kong madali ka lang macringe o macorny sa mga ganitong bagay, gusto parin kita bigyan kasi ang aking love language ay giving of gifts. Sana maintindihan mo mahal hehe. Mag iingat ka palagi at miss na kita. Date soon? I love you.
Unang letter palang ang kanyang binasa ngunit bigla na lamang tumulo ang luhang isang linggong tiniis ni Justin. He found all these letters and gifts corny before since he was not used of receiving it. Akala niya for teenagers lang ang pagbibigay ng letters and gifts. Not until now, bigla niya itong na appreciate at mas lalo niyang namiss ang ex-boyfriend.
"Sana pala hindi ko na lang to binasa. Mukhang letters niya lang pala magpapaiyak sa akin at hindi alak."
Dear mahal,
I know you're busy with work that's why I'm giving this letter to cheer you up. I hope it does? ^^ See you soonest! Sorry if I can't go there to give you comfort and support, nasa Cebu kasi ako in-assign ni boss. Don't worry pag-uwi ko, I will give you tons of hugs and kisses. I miss you so much. I love you. Can't wait to see you.
Justin read the rest of the letters and he can't help himself but to cry. Akala niya kaya niyang wala si Ken sa tabi niya pero hindi pala. Akala niya na madali lang mawala si Ken sa buhay niya pero hindi pala. He had trust issues because his past boyfriends were horrible to him. Akala niya ganun din si Ken. Akala niya ganun lahat ng mga lalake pero hindi pala. May iisang tao palang nagparamdam sa kanya na hindi lahat ganun. There's this one person who made him realized that sincerity in love can be possible.
And si Ken 'yun.
"Ken, miss na kita." Justin mumbled to himself as he was staring the gift Ken gave him in their 9th monthsary. It was just a picture frame of them together but it stung Justin's heart.
Dear Justin De Dios,
I know how fragile your heart is. I witnessed all the failed relationship you had. Alam ko na may trust issues ka kaya I am doing my best para hindi ka saktan. I want you to trust me. I want you to learn how to trust me and yourself. I want you to realized that not everybody has the same negative intention towards you. May ibang maganda ang intensyon and I am happy to say na isa ako dun. Alam ko mahirap pero I want to be there to help you in learning that. I am looking forward sa araw na kung saan marunong ka ng magtiwala ulit. Isa ako sa mga taong magiging super proud sayo if mangyayari run. Mahal na mahal kita.
From your #1 supporter and loving boyfriend, Ken.
"Damn it."
Justin heaved a sigh and decided to go to Ken's place. Bahala na talaga. It's now or never.
Dali daling tumayo si Justin sa pagkakaupo saka kinuha ang kanyang car keys. Lumabas siya sa kanyang bahay saka nagsimula ng magdrive papunta sa bahay ni Ken. Nung malapit na siya kina Ken, bigla na lamang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan.
"Gagi bat naman ngayon pa umulan." Justin said as he was worried for his eyesight. Hindi niya kasi masyadong nakikita ang kalsada sa harapan kapag umuulan.
He tried to contact Ken pero hindi ito sumasagot. "Maybe he's sleeping? It's 11:30 pm na rin."
Justin slowly stepped the brake when he's finally infront Ken's house. He went out of his car nervous. He didn't bring an umbrella that's why he's now drenched and shaking from the cold rain. He never expected to be infront of Ken's house at this time. It's almost midnight. Well, he had plans but not today. He was too scared to ask Ken to be in his arms again after what he did.
Five minutes have passed but he still didn't have the strength to knock on Ken's door. There's so many what ifs in his head. What if ipagtaboy siya ni Ken? What if ayaw na talaga ni Ken? What if sa one week na walang pansinan, Ken found somebody who is better than him? What if Ken doesn't love him anymore?
Justin was overthinking as he was standing infront of Ken's place. Natatakot siya sa susunod na mangyayari.
"Dapat pala uminom pa ako ng sampong bote ng beer para malasing ako. Nakakakaba pala."
Justin was contemplating if he will knock on the door or not. "Justin ano na? Make up your mind? Miss mo diba? Mahal mo diba? Edi aminin mo." He reprimanded himself.
He composed himself and slowly closed his fist. He can clearly hear the beating of his heart despite the rain falling so hard.
Justin was so close to knocking the door when Ken opened the door.
"Baby, what are you doing here?"
Justin's eyes widened when he saw Ken infront of him.
"Hey, you're soaking and trembling. Teka, lasing ka ba? Amoy alak ka ha? Anong ginagawa mo rito? Mag aalas dose na, mahal. Wait, I'll just get a towel. Baka magkasakit ka."
Akmang aalis na sana si Ken para kunin ang kanyang towel when Justin suddenly held his arm and hugged his ex-boyfriend right away. Tears started to fall from his eyes. Naiiyak siya. Ang saya niyang makita si Ken sa harapan niya. And the fact he still called him baby and mahal made him happy.
"Hey, why are you crying? May masakit ba sayo? Tell me hmmm.."
Without hesitation, Justin spoke.
"Ken, please magbalikan na tayo ulit? I can't bear losing you. You're the only person who made me feel what truly love is. You're the reason why I started believing in love again. You're the only person who can make my heart beats like crazy. You're the only person I want to spend my life with. Binabawi ko na yung sinabi ko na magbreak tayo. Tayo nalang ulit. Please?"
Isiniksik ni Justin ang kanyang mukha sa leeg ni Ken habang ito ay umiiyak. Bigla siyang nakaramdam ng hiya dahil sa sinabi. Hindi niya inakala na aabot ang araw na magiging ganito siya. He was used to being independent and alone but now, he found himself dependent on Ken's arms.
"Baby, what-"
Justin stopped Ken's words and continued talking, "Yes, I know what I did was so unexpected but please give me another chance? Mahal na mahal kita, Ken. One week without you feels like years."
Mas hinigpitan niya ang kanyang yakap kay Ken saka umiyak. He was soaking because of the rain but it seemed like Ken didn't mind it. Instead, Ken hugged him back and it was a tight and comforting hug.
"Baby, I love you so much too but I don't know what you are talking about?"
Justin loosened the hug and looked at Ken. It was not the answer he expected.
"Huh?"
"Anong break? Hindi tayo nagbreak, Jah. Walang nagbreak."
"Ha? I broke up with you last week and we didn't contact each other..and.."
Ken chuckled and hugged Justin once again. This time, he hugged him closer and even tighter.
"Baby, are you drunk? Nakatulog ka ba habang umiinom? Baka nanaginip ka lang? Hindi tayo nagbreak. Walang nagbreak, Jah. What are you talking about?"
"Ken, we broke up. One week tayong di nag-usap. Uminom ako para magkaroon ng lakas ng loob para kausapin ka. I read your letters."
"No, we didn't. You were dreaming, baby."
"Ha?"
"Ang cute mo!"
Justin suddenly remembered what happened earlier.
"Gagi feel ko mag-aaway kami ni Ken kasi iinom ako. Di ako nagpaalam? I mean gusto ko lang naman uminom kasi stress ako sa work. Ayaw ko naman makadisturbo sa kanya kasi gumagawa siya ng ppt presentation para bukas sa work niya. Okay lang kaya?"
After he drank five bottles of beer, bigla itong nakatulog dahil sa kalasingan. In his deep sleep, he dreamed about them breaking up. When he woke up, he was still not sober and looked for Ken's letters because he thought they really did break up.
"Crap. What the hell?"
Napatawa si Ken dahil sa sudden realization ng kanyang boyfriend.
"You didn't tell me you were drinking. You should have told me. Pano kung nasagasaan ka papunta rito dahil lasing ka? Pano kung may nangyari sayong masama?"
"Ayaw lang kita madisturbo. Naalala kong may hinanda kang presentation today para bukas. Damn it. Nakakahiya pinanggagagawa ko."
Ken laughed and kissed his boyfriend's forehead. "Kahit na. You should have told me."
"And you're so cute being drunk. Bakit mo naman napaginipan na nagbreak tayo? Hindi naman mangyayari yan."
Justin pouted and looked away, "Ewan. Di ko rin alam. It felt so real kasi."
"Maybe you just missed me?" Ani Ken. Justin looked at his boyfriend and saw him smirking. Tumingin ito ulit sa ibang direksyon dahil sa inasta ng nobyo. Shit. Ang pogi naman magsmirk.
"Hindi kita namiss. Akala ko lang talaga nagbreak tayo."
"Weh? Eh bakit ka pumunta rito sa bahay ko?" Halakhak ni Ken. Inirapan lang siya ni Jah kaya mas lalo itong natawa.
Ken held Justin's hand and intertwined it with his hand. "Baby, don't worry, hindi kita iiwan. I will treasure the trust you gave me. I will never break your trust. Alam kong napakasoft ng puso mo kaya hindi ko hahayaan na masaktan ka. Tho there might be days na mag-aaway tayo pero I will never lie and cheat to you. Gaya nga ng sabi nila, ikaw lang sapat na."
Kinurot siya ni Justin sa may tagiliran kaya napa-aray si Ken. "What was that for?"
"Wag ka na magpakilig baka malasing ako ulit."
Ken beamed and embraced his boyfriend again. Ang cute kainis.
"Now, you badly need to change. You're soaking. May mga damit ka pa naman dito and dito ka na rin matulog since madaling araw na oh. Baka mapano ka pa sa daan."
"Weh? Chansing ka lang eh?"
Ken smirked and pulled Justin's waist. He leaned closer and then whispered to Justin, "Pwede rin..."
Lumayo si Justin sa kasama saka ito nagmadaling tumakbo papasok sa bahay. Natawa lang si Ken sa inasta ng kanyang boyfriend.
"Magfafive years na tayo pero nahihiya ka parin sa akin? Cute.."
Before Justin could enter his so called room in his boyfriend's house, nagheart sign muna ito gamit ang dalawang mga kamay and then mouthed "I love you" to Ken.
Mas lalong napangisi si Ken sa nakita kaya nagheart sign din ito.
"Mas mahal kita, Justin."
Justin blushed when he saw that. Pumasok na nga siya sa kwarto niya para magbihis. Ken, on the other hand, went to his kitchen to prepare tea for the both of them.
"It's my first time seeing him crying because he doesn't want me to leave him. Hays Justin De Dios, you're such a baby. I want to keep you in my arms forever.."