Chapter Text
"I need to know... What I did wrong. I clearly failed as a son, otherwise she would have said something about it. Right?" Spencer asks looking at all the faces in the room
Nobody moves, scared of what will happen next. The last time someone close to Spencer died, he shut down. That was only a month ago. Everyone was shocked by Emily's death, but no one was as shocked as Spencer. The two had become quick friends and did pretty much everything together. They bonded over fatherlessness and childhood trauma. When she died, Spencer shut down completely. He stopped functioning. He didn't eat or drink anything that he wasn't forced to. He didn't show up to work. He didn't even answer anyone's calls. He had just started feeling a little better when the hospital called.
He had been at Rossi's house with the rest of the team when he received the call. They were eating dinner like they do every Friday night when they don't have a case. When Spencer saw the caller ID he knew that his night was ruined. He answered the phone and received the worst news of his life. His mother had died. He didn't even know she was in the hospital, which made the news even worse. When he hung up, he collapsed on Rossi's couch. He didn't know what to do. When he did get up, he went straight to the dining room where everyone else was sitting. He made Luke drive him to the hospital, the rest of the team followed. After that everything goes downhill.
Tears. Loud, heaving sobs that easily fill a room.
"Why did you let her die? Why didn't you do anything?" Spencer gasps
"It was her time. She signed a DNR because she was in constant pain." The doctor states
"She was also a paranoid schizophrenic. She was barely lucid enough to remember to brush her own teeth, let alone sign away her life!" Spencer argues, wishing that he had been there when all of this happened
"Spencer, there is nothing you can do now. She made her decision, whether she was lucid or not, she is no longer in pain. You can't blame the hospital, they were just doing their jobs." Luke says rubbing the younger man's back
"No! I have to be able to do something. I am so tired of not being able to do anything. I will not stand by and watch everyone I love either die or leave me behind. I am done being the last choice, I was my dad's last choice, I was Gideon's last choice, hell I was the FBI's last choice! When do I get a chance to be someone's first choice?" Spencer sobs
Everyone stands in silence again. They didn't realize how much Spencer had been hurting because he never says anything. He likes to pretend like everything is fine when in all reality he is being torn apart by his own thoughts. He keeps quiet to save the others from sharing his hurt. He keeps quiet so they never have to know what he's been through.