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Even as the world was created, Grian hoped his soulmate would be Big B. He had a feeling—though perhaps it was just his hope talking—that they’d been paired together when he first saw him. But then they’d tested their link.
“I’ve never had such a broken heart in my life!” he said.
“I know, I’m a little bit sad now,” Big B responded.
Their conversation echoed in his mind as the days went by. Sure, Grian was happy to be with Scar, but he couldn’t help but feel dissatisfied. Flashes of a life long forgotten filled his head whenever they were near, of llamas and sand, cacti and red. It didn’t help that Scar didn’t seem to care that they’d been paired. Always off chasing allays and pandas, or standing in snow to make Grian feel the chill.
It helped him to ignore the guilt he felt while baking the bread for his secret gift. What Scar didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. He’d told his soulmate that he was going to stay up late finishing up the base, and he’d accepted it without question.
With the bread finished, Grian crept up to their shared bedroom to see if Scar was still awake. He didn’t even need to pop his head into the room—Scar’s loud snoring was answer enough. His heart pounded in his chest as he snuck back down the stairs and grabbed some mangrove wood to put in his bag. If he was quick, he could be back before sunrise and Scar would be none the wiser.
His anxiety grew the further across the terrain he traveled. He found himself jumping at every little noise, and giving mobs he saw a wide birth. If he got injured, it could wake up Scar and Grian did not want to come up with an excuse for his absence.
It felt like years had passed by the time Grian made his way to the Box. The air was still, and it seemed like even the land around him was asleep. Keeping to the shadows, he snuck his way through the entrance by the border of the world. Inside, the animals were still. Once up the ladder, Grian got to work on his gift for Big B.
Light was just beginning to creep into the sky when Grian stepped back to admire his work. A mangrove heart stood tall ahead of him, accompanied by a chest full of bread. Quickly, he wrote a note and left it on the chest, and then stuck one in a rung of the ladder at about eye level. He made his exit and began his trek back to his and Scar’s base.
The sun had begun to show on the horizon when he walked through the front door. He stretched and yawned as he made his way back to his and Scar’s shared room. When he entered, he found his soulmate already awake and dressed.
“Oh, good morning Grian,” he smiled brightly. “How’s the place coming along? You must’ve done a lot of work last night, my hands feel raw!”
“Ah—yeah, yeah I think the exterior is finally looking how I’d imagined it.” He tried to blink away his exhaustion, but Scar had already caught on.
“Did you stay up all night working?” He crossed the room to take Grian’s hands in his.
“I guess I did, sorry about that.” Guilt ate away at him as he avoided eye contact.
Scar gently lifted Grian’s hands and pressed light kisses to his palms. “You don’t need to feel guilty, G. Just try not to overexert yourself next time.” His eyes crinkled at the edges as he smiled.
“I won’t,” Grian felt his mood brighten despite the ache in his heart. “What do you want to work on today?”
“I want you to work on getting some shut-eye,” Scar gave him a peck on the cheek. “Can’t have my soulmate collapsing from exhaustion, can I? Don’t you worry G-man, I’ll get the chores started and get to working on letting everyone know about the panda sanctuary. Okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed. “Good night, Scar.”
“Good night!” Scar shut the door behind him, leaving Grian alone in their room. He sighed and sat down on the bed.
Way too close. He thought as he rolled over and tried to get to sleep.
//
Something was up, and Scar knew it. Phantom feelings had woken him up late in the night, intense anxiety and worry keeping him up. He’d wandered around for a bit to see what had his soulmate so worried, only to find their base had nothing but pandas and himself.
“Just what do you think Grian could be up to?” He’d asked one of the baby pandas, only to be sneezed at.
Eventually, the feeling ebbed away, only to be replaced by a burning feeling in his hands. Wherever he was, he was working on some sort of project. But if that was the case, why didn’t he tell him about it?
Scar shook away his feelings of doubt. Grian would never betray him! At least, that’s what he told himself as he tried to fall back asleep. When he woke again, his soulmate still wasn’t home.
If he isn’t home soon, I’ll go out to look for him. Scar decided as he went through his morning routine. He’d brushed his hair and teeth and just barely gotten dressed when Grian came through the door. Disregarding his own feelings, Scar gave him a bright smile.
“Oh, good morning Grian,” he watched his soulmate’s face. “How’s the place coming along? You must’ve done a lot of work last night, my hands feel raw!”
“Ah—yeah, yeah I think the exterior is finally looking how I’d imagined it.” Scar shoved down his doubt about whether or not he’d actually done any work on the house. Instead, he focused on the small bags forming under his eyes.
“Did you stay up all night working?” He crossed the room to take Grian’s hands in his.
“I guess I did, sorry about that.” He didn’t miss the way that he refused to make eye contact. Guilt that didn’t belong to him stabbed at his chest—was he guilt-tripping his soulmate?
Thinking quickly, he lifted Grian’s hands to his face and kissed his sore palms. “You don’t need to feel guilty, G. Just try not to overexert yourself next time.” He tried to offer him a reassuring smile.
“I won’t,” Grian’s voice was soft, and Scar felt his heart soar. As long as Grian was happy, Scar felt that he could do anything. “What do you want to work on today?”
“I want you to work on getting some shut-eye,” he gave him a peck on the cheek. “Can’t have my soulmate collapsing from exhaustion, can I? Don’t you worry G-man, I’ll get the chores started and get to working on letting everyone know about the panda sanctuary. Okay?”
“Okay,” he gave him a little smile. “Good night, Scar.”
“Good night!” Scar laughed a bit as he shut the door behind him. Alone in the hall, he let his smile drop from his face.
Is he lying to me? He walked down to the wheatfield, trying to stop his thoughts from spiraling. Why didn’t he tell me where he was? Or even that he left? He shook himself out of his thoughts. There were chores to do, and he wouldn’t let Grian down. Maybe if he did well enough, he’d own up to Scar and tell him what he’d really been up to last night.
With a goal in mind, he set off to work harvesting the wheat. He’d be the best soulmate in the world, just for Grian. He only hoped that he would be enough.
//
Grian tried. Really, he did. He wanted to be a good soulmate to Scar, wanted to return his affections fully, wanted to be focused on their relationship.
But all Grian could think about was whether or not Big B had gotten his message. Part of him was worried that Ren had gotten to hit first, and taken it down before he could receive it.
He’d noticed over the next few days afterward that Scar was putting more effort into helping around the base, and he’d even gotten some donations through the panda sanctuary. He couldn’t know about what Grian had done, right? He was so careful to not give his feelings away, and he did his best to keep his nervousness at bay to not alert his soulmate.
“Scar, I’m gonna head out!” He called to him. “I want to check out the ranch, and see what’s going on with Timmy.”
“Okay G-man,” Scar popped around the corner to give him a kiss goodbye. “Be careful, alright? Don’t forget your shield. Do you need my flint and steel?”
“No, I’m not going to burn what’s left to the ground!” He felt exasperated. “I’m going to see if there’s any way to salvage our standing with them, so that way they don’t do the same to us.”
“Alright, alright.” He held up his hands in mock surrender. “But I won’t hesitate to do it again if they try to start anything with you.”
Grian rolled his eyes and set off. Perhaps he could distract himself by annoying Jimmy, or finding some way to inconvenience him.
And inconvenience him he did.
“Grian, what are you doing?!” Jimmy shouted from behind. Grian continued to rifle through his chests.
“Just browsing!”
“No, no browsing!” He pulled him from the chest he was sifting through and shut it tight. “Get out!”
Grian ignored the angry shouting and instead stole some coal from the furnace. “C’mon man, just looking around!” He peaked down a ladder to find a couple of chickens.
“Big B?” Jimmy shouted again, frustration coming off of him in waves. “Why is everyone here? What’s everyone doing here?”
“Big B!” Grian felt his heart skip a beat as he saw him.
“Hey,” Big B smiled, and he could swear that he was melting.
“Nice glasses.”
“Thanks, I try, you know.”
“What are you doing here?” Jimmy repeated.
“It just sounded like someone was in distress, so I just stopped by to make sure everything’s alright.” Was it warm in here? Grian felt like he was melting.
“Could you please—”
“Big B, I’ve got some gifts for you.” He smiled.
“I need a word with you, actually,” Big B gave him a pointed look, and Grian’s mind was already out of his control. Did he get the gift I left? Did he not like it—or! Did he really like what I did—
“Conversation out of the ranch, please!” Jimmy pushed the two out the gates and slammed them shut behind them. “Goodbye!” They laughed as they walked away from the ranch walls.
“You’re the best.” Big B said once they were out of eavesdropping distance.
“Aww, did you get my little gift?” Grian’s heart was pounding now.
“I did, I did—did you mean to put Grain?”
“I uh, I went around the box earlier, and I saw that the heart was gone,” he rambled, “I worried that Ren had found it and took it down before you could get it.” He felt jittery, admitting to what he’d done after spending days pretending it had never happened with Scar.
“Oh no, no! I decided to take it down so Ren wouldn’t know who it was.”
“But he knows?” Grian’s heart sank.
“He doesn’t know it’s you!”
“Oh no,” he whispered. Would Ren figure it out?
“But I have something for you! It’s only right I put it in a chest,” Big B set down the chest and got to work. “Don’t look. And uh, don’t laugh.”
Giggles already bubbled in his chest as he turned around. “Don’t laugh? You know I’m going to laugh now!”
“It’s kindof a heart shape!” Big B gestured to the chest as he turned around. Excitement buzzed through him as he opened the chest.
Inside was a batch of cookies, a bit misshapen and arranged in a very smushed rendition of a heart. He couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.
“What is that? That is not a heart!” He held his sides as he tried to catch his breath. Big B laughed with him, and Grian wanted to hear that sound for the rest of his life. “How am I not supposed to laugh at that?”
“It’s like, an actual heart,” he tried to justify what he’d done. “You know hearts don’t look like hearts.”
Grian wiped tears from his eyes as he finally got himself together. “This means a lot to me.”
“I’m glad.” The two made eye contact, and the air felt charged. His heart was pounding again. Did this gift mean that Big B felt the same way? He felt lightheaded. Grian looked around them to make sure no one was nearby.
“Alright, I’m going to share with you my most valuble thing, okay?” He stepped closer. “Seriously, I mean this. You can’t let anyone get it.”
“Okay,” Big B breathed out.
“Nobody can get this, especially Etho and Joel.”
“Dude, the pressure!” He laughed a bit.
“No seriously, keep it in your inventory unless you’re gonna farm it.” Big B nodded, looking back at him seriously. Grian couldn’t help but think of a similarly important conversation he’d had with Scar. He couldn’t keep his attention, it had felt like Scar was purposefully ignoring him. He’d only cared once he realized exactly what it was Grian had been trying to tell him for days.
But here, with Big B? He was paying close attention, eyes wide as he waited for whatever it was he had to share with him. He was aware of their close proximity now, and gently he took his hand. Tactfully ignoring the way his face warmed, he pressed a few short stalks of sugarcane into his palm.
He gasped. “How?” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“I got it during the first few days.” He tried to ignore how close their faces were. “I thought there was a lot more, but nobody else seems to have any.”
“Well, Ren left me and went on a little ‘quest’ with Martyn,” Grian hoped he wasn’t imagining the resentment in his voice. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Okay, good.”
Big B gripped his hand a bit tighter. “We could be secret soulmates.”
“Secret soulmates,” Grian breathed, staring into his eyes. “I like that.”
“Good.” He leaned forward and kissed him, and everything felt right in Grian’s head. This was what he’d wanted from the beginning, and it was everything he’d hoped for and more.
Even when he pulled away, Grian could feel his heart flutter. “So we—we’ll exchange resources if we need them?”
“Of course. And we can do more of this—” Big B took his hand and intertwined their fingers. “—If that’s what you want.”
Grian pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’d like that.”
//
Once again, Grian had run off and left Scar alone at the base. But that was okay! He’d been making great progress with the pandas and he’d done a lot of work around the base to help out. He wished Grian had told him about the sugarcane before—that must’ve been what he was doing the other night, right?
Grian had wanted to get a monopoly on sugarcane, and so he’d gone out and collected all that he could find so that they could sell the paper and profit. But then why hadn’t he just told him what he’d done? And why couldn’t he know where the farm was?
No, he was just being childish. Grian didn’t have to tell him everything he was up to, and Scar could always accidentally lead someone to the sugarcane farm if he didn’t realize he was being followed. Really, he should be ashamed of himself for doubting his soulmate.
Scar continued to scold himself as he harvested more bamboo. The pandas wouldn’t feed themselves, after all.
He’d just finished giving a tour through the sanctuary when he felt his heart skip a beat.
“Well, that was new,” he pressed a hand over his heart. Was that from him? Oh, he hoped he wasn’t dying! Grian would be so disappointed if he somehow managed to die on him.
His face grew warm, and now Scar was certain he must be sick. He ran inside to check his reflection. He stared in the mirror, and he didn’t know if the flush was from whatever illness this was or from the physical activity.
He leaned against the wall. Was he dizzy, or just lightheaded? His heart began to pound in his chest.
I’m probably worrying Grian so much right now! Scar shut his eyes tight and tried to even out his breathing. Panicking would do nothing to fix the situation at hand. Should he try to find Grian? He did say he wanted to go to Timmy’s. Would he even be welcome at the ranch?
Scar wanted to bang his head against the wall. What was wrong with him? He didn’t need his soulmate to solve all of his issues. Even if Grian being there would help, he couldn’t just piggyback off of him the whole time. He’d just have to pick himself up and get through it.
He started to leave the bathroom when he felt warmth around his hands. Was Grian… holding his own hand? Was he trying to comfort Scar from across the world? Scar felt touched at the gesture.
And then there was the pressure on his lips.
Scar didn’t know what to make of that. What was his soulmate doing?
“He’s… just eating something,” he told himself. “That has to be it.” He didn’t want to believe that it was anything but that. Grian would never betray him like that. They were soulmates! And it couldn’t have been the first time they’d been brought together, right? He’d felt so familiar, when they’d first seen each other in this world, he’d seen the flash of recognition in Grian’s eyes himself!
Scar had thoroughly convinced himself of this, even as the warmth remained in his hands and his heart fluttered in his chest. Grian was his, and he was Grian’s. It was them against the world, together.
But when that same pressure returned against his lips, he finally broke down.