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Sure, time could heal everything, but how much time exactly did Hyunjae need more? It’s already been eight months, almost two hundred and forty-five days, and many many minutes that Hyunjae felt his migraine start just from trying to calculate them.
One thing has been stable throughout Hyunjae’s disappointment and pain, though. And that one thing was that the hot chocolate he was drinking in the café still tasted better than anything else he’d ever drank. Hyunjae sighed as he set the cup down on its plate, leaning back in his seat as he licked his lips and felt a grin tug on them as he saw their mark on the white cup.
It was childish, really, to feel giggly because of the stains left by a pair of lips on a shiny white cup, but Hyunjae felt giddy either way. Honestly, at this point, almost everything remotely childish made Hyunjae feel giddy. Perhaps this was the result of being miserable for the past eight months, almost two hundred and forty-five days–
As a matter of fact, big cities provided a big number of people. So, Hyunjae living in a big city naturally made him see a hundred different people every day. He’d met so many people, his age and older and younger. He’d talked with so many as well, but no one was ever remarkable to stick around for a long time – whether in his memories or life altogether.
And another fact, actually, big cities apparently also provided big heartbreaks that came from big expectations and big let downs.
In this city, the only thing – or place, more specifically – that did not bring Hyunjae any let downs was this very exact café. He’d never brought anyone here, afraid that some day, when they leave, it would only be a bitter memory. As selfish as it could be, Hyunjae wanted to keep this café for himself only. No one else. His escape, a safe place in public.
Hyunjae enjoyed watching people, even though he believed that the reason for his pain and sadness was people themselves. It wasn’t even one specific person, just everyone. For example, his sister not replying to his texts for two days made him sad. Three different boys breaking up with him barely three months into the relationship also made him sad, upset and then painful. In that order, respectively.
It was basically why Hyunjae decided to give time some control and trust that it could heal everything. He had given up on love no matter how much he wanted to love and be loved. What didn’t really help was the fact that love was everywhere.
After his last break-up and new belief that love was nothing but a road to heart aches and tear-stained cheeks, it seemed like wherever Hyunjae looked, love was there. He was not one to stay inside. Hyunjae surely was heart broken and miserable and did not want to see anyone or talk to anyone, but he also was still himself.
And Hyunjae himself was someone who rarely liked staying inside. He did cry at night when his thoughts got too much and everything felt overwhelming, but he still went out and smiled at the employee that worked the morning shift in the patisserie where he bought sweets to have for breakfast. And Hyunjae was also contradictory so of course he made a cup of bitter coffee to drink with the sweets.
That same morning, while Hyunjae enjoyed a warm sun lighting up his apartment, his heart was still sitting defeatedly in a pit of darkness. It would be lit in the future, Hyunjae knew that, but darkness still sucked and he hated it a lot. He hated sitting feeling wronged and unfair but he had no other choice. Hyunjae believed he had to feel everything to its end in order to truly overcome it.
Now, back to the café, as Hyunjae drank the last gulp and set the cup down, he almost felt heartbreak coming his way once again. Key word: almost.
First of all, was this a comic Hyunjae was teleported to? Weren’t a sudden hiccup and wide eye stares at beauties something for movies? Why did his breath choke him? No more questions, Hyunjae looked at the door because he was about to get up from his seat and leave. It was absolutely not fairy of fate’s dust that made him look up to see the man that just walked in from the door.
Hyunjae had been with many different men, had seen even more types of other men, but that man… Hyunjae could tell there was no one who came close even for a simple and basic comparison. The voice in his mind sounded delusional. Why was it so sure that one man that Hyunjae had never seen before or talked to before or even knew his name, was someone oh so flawless?
It could be fake confidence – or real one, Hyunjae didn’t know – that held the man over the ground. Or maybe it was the charming close-lipped smile that made his eyes sink back in his face that made Hyunjae’s heart squeal to itself. It was not a secret; Hyunjae liked – loved – beautiful smiles and that man’s smile was probably one of the prettiest ones Hyunjae had ever seen.
There was no line for the man to wait in, which was a shame, Hyunjae’s time watching him would be short or long enough depending on the man’s order and the barista’s skills. More of a shame, he knew just how skilled the barista was and the fact that he had a maximum of three minutes to fulfill his heart’s desire.
After ordering and paying, the man took a step to the side then a small one backwards, leaning his elbows on the counter and watching silently as his drink was being finished. His eyes fluttered for a second, as if feeling someone watching him, and looked to the side.
For the second time in less than ten minutes, Hyunjae’s breath stopped in his throat and almost choked him. Their eyes met and Hyunjae had to either look away or do something reasonable enough. And instead of being cool and rational – the things Hyunjae strived to be – what he did was raise his eyebrows first then wave second.
When he realized what he was doing, Hyunjae quickly pushed his hand down, feeling his neck and face heat up. As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, the man had the audacity to furrow his eyebrows for a second then chuckle quietly before looking away from Hyunjae.
That was fine, anyway. Hyunjae scoffed to himself in his thoughts, it was not like he had to have a perfect first impression with a stranger like that. There was no need for that at all. Letting out a sigh after somehow superficially convincing himself that he absolutely did not come off as weird to a very charming man, Hyunjae leaned down to grab his bag from beside the leg of his chair.
“Leaving already? That’s rude of you, don’t you think so?” At the first word, Hyunjae’s body jolted in a startle, his eyes wide as he snapped his head to look up at the source of the voice. The man was in front of him, one of his hands on the back of the empty chair opposite to Hyunjae’s while the other held his drink.
Hyunjae mumbled the start of a curse under his breath as he exhaled shakily, calming down from the startle. He took a quick glance at the man in front of him again, controlling himself not to stare. Hyunjae cleared his throat and straightened up in his seat, his arm weighed down by the bag by his side, “Wouldn’t it be rude of me not to leave after I’ve finished my drink and cake?”
“Usually, yeah.” The man chuckled before pulling the empty chair back, his other hand simultaneously raising his drink. “You invited me over, though.” He sat down and Hyunjae swallowed thickly, his tongue getting tied. The man placed his cup on the table, glancing up at Hyunjae, a knowing and cheeky smile on his face.
Hyunjae’s skin burned even hotter. He knew he looked redder than ever before. “I mistook you for someone else.” Hyunjae was a good liar and was witty enough to get himself out of almost every situation – ignoring the embarrassed flush all over his skin during.
The man raised his eyebrows, then nodded without commenting anything yet. Hyunjae watched him take the first sip from the cup. He tilted his head to the side slightly, his eyes squinting briefly to catch the characters written over the carton. “Juyeon?” Hyunjae asked, his eyes moving up to look at the man’s face.
Hyunjae watched his previous actions being copied, his own name being called, “Hyunjae?” He nodded, giving Juyeon his best smile. Hyunjae knew between him and the very secret part of his mind that he hoped his smile was charming, but he’d never say it out loud, or think about it too much. It was just a small, little secret that he hoped he charmed Juyeon enough.
It was only fair, Hyunjae thought. He knew he would spend at least the three upcoming days thinking of Juyeon, so why wouldn’t Juyeon think of him, too? “It was nice meeting you, Juyeon. I should go, though.” Hyunjae smiled and stood up, Juyeon following the movement with his eyes.
Juyeon smiled back at him and nodded, raising his hand to give Hyunjae a small wave, “It was nice meeting you, too, Hyunjae.”
Well, that was deserved. Hyunjae actually expected Juyeon to ask him to stay for a little more, but really, there was no reason for that. Reverse psychology does not always work, Hyunjae should have known it wouldn’t work especially with someone he met for the first time.
Hyunjae held his sigh and only released it once he was outside of the café, his hand ruffling his hair messily as a pout grew on his lips. He shook his head as he stomped his first steps then walked properly away, a small voice in his heart blaming him for not staying back and saving himself some sulkiness.
But, everything happens for a reason. As Hyunjae unlocked the door to his studio apartment and walked in, he thought that maybe it was for the better that he did not stay. After all, he was finally putting the final stitches on his broken heart, he wouldn’t want it to break again already.
Yes, that’s it. Hyunjae nodded to himself. He saved himself from a potential heartbreak. It was better to leave. It wasn’t love at first sight, but Juyeon was charming and enchanting. Hyunjae liked handsome men such as Juyeon. It was a risk to stay there and expose himself to a possible crush and then a heartbreak.
3
Just as expected, Hyunjae had spent a couple or more days thinking about Juyeon. He’d had many thoughts, fake scenarios even.
Hyunjae clearly remembered the other’s features. Dreamy eyes, sharp nose, a defined jawline and lips with the prettiest shape Hyunjae had ever seen. His eyes were brown, but he somehow managed to make brown the most interesting eye color. Juyeon had skin on the tanner tone and only Hyunjae himself – and God – knew just how much Hyunjae loved tan skin.
So, naturally, Hyunjae had spent a few nights and many hours of the past days thinking about Juyeon. It became silly to Hyunjae the day before, how invested he was in a man that he spoke with for barely five minutes. To call it a crush would be an exaggeration even to Hyunjae’s own inner thoughts.
Typical Hyunjae meant letting things as they were until he either found an answer – which he didn’t – or until they dissolve away by themselves – which he decided to do after a week. Another typical Hyunjae was him going shopping as a reward every few months of hard work.
He’d spend the whole day in the mall, taking his sweet time looking through clothes in every store only to end up buying a maximum of five items, but it was healing for him. Hyunjae would rather spend his money on clothes or small designs for his apartment rather than clubbing the whole night or eating in global cuisines that he probably wouldn’t be able to afford the next month.
Hyunjae stepped into the fourth store, still empty handed but with a shirt in his mind in a previous store just in case he couldn’t find anything he liked more. He tucked his phone into the back pocket of his pants, then removed it and kept it in his hand as he walked slowly to the wall on his right to start looking through the items.
Usually, he’d buy at least one item from this store. It had always had things he liked, enough for him to directly come here when he needed to buy something to wear for an event. Just as he expected, by the time he finished scanning the items on the walls and started with the stands in the middle, Hyunjae already had three pants and a shirt on his arm ready for him to try.
Hyunjae bounced the clothes slightly in his arms, tilting his body to the side and looking through the shirts hung on the circular stand. He stepped around the stand, his hand running through the shirts, picking out a few that he thought were cute but hanging them back.
There was a blue t-shirt that Hyunjae liked. At a first glance and from a distance, anyone would think it was silk, when in fact it was smooth cotton but not silky. It was nice and simple, most probably one size bigger than what would be Hyunjae’s actual size and that only made it even nicer for him.
Still, Hyunjae hung it back with a sigh. Words from a distant voice in his head reminded him that oversized t-shirts were boring on him, that his body was nice and he would look better in tighter clothes. The memory made Hyunjae hold out his arm, looking at the baggy jeans and dress pants he had got.
Maybe he should return them and get tight ones instead, or maybe go for another store. Hyunjae looked at the shirt again, holding it over his arm and almost zoning out in his thoughts as he stared at it beside the black dress pants. Well, he did zone out, indeed, until a voice shook his body and startled him out of his thoughts.
“They look nice. You can never go wrong with these colors.”
Hyunjae instantly pressed his arms on his chest, the clothes squeezed in his grip as he looked at the man beside him.
His worst nightmare. His favourite dream. His reason to smile and cry right at that moment. “Hi.” Hyunjae breathed out, a small smile breaking on his face as his muscles relaxed from being tense, “Juyeon.”
“Hey, Hyunjae.” Juyeon smiled back at him, his eyes sinking back in his face when his cheeks raised from the lift of his lips. Juyeon nodded with his chin at the clothes in Hyunjae’s arms, “Shopping spree?”
Hyunjae shrugged and turned to continue looking through the shirts hung, keeping the blue t-shirt in his grip, “You could say that. And you?”
“I was bored at home and I live closeby.”
“So you casually come and enter and exit stores here when you’re bored at home?”
Juyeon chuckled and nodded, “Something like that.”
Hyunjae glanced up at the other man trailing behind him as he walked to another stand, giving him a wide smile and a hum, “That sounds nice. I don’t live too far, but not close enough to come here when I’m bored.”
Juyeon did not reply, stayed a safe distance to give Hyunjae his space as he picked out another shirt. Hyunjae took a quick glance at the size and placed it over the pile in his arms, fixing the items over each other so that they would not slip off as he walked.
“Here.” Hyunjae heard Juyeon’s voice closer to him before he felt the weight lift up from his arm. “Let me hold these for you so that you can search more comfortably.”
Hyunjae opened his mouth to argue and reached over Juyeon to grab the clothes back, but Juyeon took a step away from him and shook his head, “Did you like the blue shirt? Bring it to try it on.” Juyeon reached around Hyunjae to pick a shirt Hyunjae put back.
“No, I…” Hyunjae started, feeling a heaviness in his stomach suddenly at the reasoning, “I have a lot of blue ones and I already picked a blue one.” He liked blue. Hyunjae did not mind having fifteen blue shirts all the same, but he’d often heard snickers about how he was uninteresting and dull, always wearing the same color.
“So?” Juyeon paused his hand over the shirt as he looked at Hyunjae for a second before picking it up and adding it to the pile, “You seem to like blue, so it’s only normal to want to have a lot of blue things.”
That was true. That was what Hyunjae had always thought and believed. If he liked blue, what was wrong with wearing a lot of blue? Or having a lot of blue things around his apartment like a blue painting and a blue vase? But still, Hyunjae was sensitive and had a very unstable self-confidence.
Even in that moment, he was still shaken up by a comment that his ex had said to him over a year ago. He still wore the oversized blue t-shirt that began all of this specific doubt, but he’d never liked it the same ever since. As he watched Juyeon add the item and listened to him talk, Hyunjae allowed his hope to grow just a bit.
A few-minutes of rain for a sprout in himself. He needed it more than he had ever realized. The relief from the indirect comfort and oblivious support that Hyunjae had absentmindedly been waiting for finally washing over him. That and Juyeon had done it all unaware of the spirals in Hyunjae’s subconscious.
Heartbreak was definitely coming for him and maybe this time it would be a little worth it to stay around.
Hyunjae nodded, going out of his thoughts and looking behind Juyeon then back at him, “Let me try these on. I don’t think I want anything else from here anymore.”
Juyeon followed Hyunjae to the dressing rooms, entering an empty room and hanging the clothes on the wall, “I will wait out.”
This was not the first time that Hyunjae had gone with someone else while shopping, nor was it the first time he would be subjecting himself to toher people’s opinions about clothes he had picked. All in all though, everything felt very new to him. Maybe it was the fact that Juyeon himself was someone new in his life. Or maybe it was because Juyeon’s treatment was fresh in Hyunjae’s life.
Hyunjae smiled and nodded either way. He walked in and locked the door behind him, taking a deep breath. In the wide picture, this was nothing that serious. He was just trying on some clothes, nothing suggestive or close to that. Still, a sense of insecurity and nervousness made Hyunjae’s hands tremble slightly as he started to change his clothes.
The first set he tried on was the shorts and an oversized shirt. Not formal but not sporty either. They were nice, comfortable to wear around the house and casual to go out with for a walk or to buy things.
Hyunjae walked out, looking at the floor during the first few steps before he looked up at Juyeon standing against the wall across his dressing room’s door.
“That looks nice on you.” Juyeon nodded, a soft smile when Hyunjae looked up at him. “It’s a safe choice.”
Hyunjae looked down at himself then turned to look at the mirror, tugging on the hem of his shirt. “Should I get a size smaller?” Hyunjae asked, glancing at Juyeon through the mirror. It was somehow scary to ask that, Hyunjae begging for a specific answer to come from Juyeon just to boost his hope.
“If you’re buying this outfit for every day then that wouldn’t be necessary, I think.” Juyeon shrugged, “Oversized is comfortable. And you seem to prefer at least one size bigger, why do you think it doesn’t look nice? Too flowy?” Juyeon was closer at the last question, tugging the hem gently where Hyunjae tugged before.
Hyunjae pursed his lips, looking at himself in the mirror. Usually, whenever someone was with him and he asked for their opinion, Hyunjae would get a finalised answer. They liked it or not. It looked nice or not. But Juyeon now was asking Hyunjae why he did not like it after answering. Hyunjae appreciated that, getting an opinion and then a question for him.
“Right,” Hyunjae smoothed his hand over the front of the shirt, “Let’s keep it as a final choice, then.” Juyeon nodded and stepped away from Hyunjae, smiling and waving as Hyunjae walked into the dressing room again.
For the couple of minutes he’d spent out, Hyunjae felt his shoulders feel lighter, almost forgetting whatever bad feelings that were pinching him on the inside from having someone’s opinion about his picks. There were two other sets and as quick as it was, Hyunjae felt just a little bit excited to try them on for Juyeon.
For Juyeon..? Hyunjae shuddered, shaking his head quickly as he fumbled with the new shirt’s buttons. He walked out again, Juyeon standing right where he had left him with his arms crossed over his chest.
Hyunjae smiled and lifted his arms up then put them by his side again. “So?” He asked, tilting his head slightly to the side.
Juyeon looked at him for a second then nodded, uncrossing his arms and stepping closer to Hyunjae. “Nine out of ten. Do you like shirts untucked?”
Hyunjae turned to face away from Juyeon, looking at the mirror. “I’m not sure if I hate them tucked in, honestly.” Hyunjae muttered, his hands lifting the ends of the shirt to tug it under the pants. “Does it look better tucked in?”
Juyeon chuckled, shaking his head, “I was just asking, no need to stuff it in like that.” Juyeon turned to look at Hyunjae through the mirror, clicking his tongue, “Should we try tucking only a bit of the ends? Instead of tucking it all like that, let some of it fall over the belt?” Juyeon was waving with his hands as he explained, trying to demonstrate with his own shirt.
Hyunjae slowly tugged the fabric out, letting it fall over his belt without completely pulling the shirt out. “Like this?” He turned to look at Juyeon, moving his hands behind his back.
“Do you like it?” Juyeon looked back at him, raising his eyebrows.
“It’s not bad.” Hyunjae muttered, looking down for a second, “In general, what do you think?”
“In general I think that the outfit looks good on you. And whether you tuck the shirt in or not, both of them look good.” Juyeon gave his bottom lip a small lick, “And I think that you should get it, if you liked it, too.”
“I will.” Hyunjae nodded, “There’s still one last pair left.”
Juyeon held his arm out towards the dressing room, “Of course, model Hyunjae.”
Hyunjae grinned, bowing slightly before walking into the dressing room once again, “Wait up for me, stylist Juyeon.” Hyunjae pointed at Juyeon who saluted him from outside, catching a chuckle as he closed the door to the small room.
“Are you ready?” Hyunjae called from inside, finally wearing the ones that Juyeon insisted on him trying on. When Juyeon replied that he was ready, Hyunjae opened the door and walked out, standing in front of Juyeon with his hands on his hips. “Stylist pick, what do you think?”
Juyeon pulled his lips together, whistling quietly and then clapping a few times, “I think your stylist is the best.” Juyeon gave Hyunjae thumbs up, making Hyunjae laugh to himself before putting his arms down and turning to look at himself in the mirror.
“Mhm, maybe. It is nice.”
“It is.” Juyeon agreed beside him, smiling as he looked at Hyunjae up and down one last time, “This style looks wonderful on you. You look amazing.”
He did. Objectively, if Hyunjae were to look only at the outfit on his body, ignoring who was wearing it, he’d love it. And subjectively, Hyunjae thought he would cry for a minute at night if he didn’t buy this set. “Thank you.” He turned to smile at Juyeon.
Juyeon smiled back and he was shy. Hyunjae found it adorable. Juyeon has been nothing but overflowing with confidence but now he was glancing around with a very light blush over his cheeks, his voice lower, “Of course, I’m only saying the truth.”
Hyunjae ended up buying the second and third sets he had tried, Juyeon standing behind him as he paid then picking up the bag while Hyunjae was putting his card back in his wallet. Juyeon walked out first, Hyunjae fiddling with his phone and pushing his wallet into his pocket as he followed.
“Do you want to buy more clothes?” Juyeon turned around to ask Hyunjae, “Or does your shopping spree day end here?”
“I don’t really need to buy more clothes,” Hyunjae looked around the space, “Maybe shoes?” He turned to look at Juyeon again, “But I also don’t need that, so maybe just walking around and if I see something interesting from out, we can go in.”
Now, Hyunjae was not sure why he added Juyeon when he talked about walking in, but it seemed like both of them just decided to use the plural noun for what will happen. “Only if you want to come along, of course.” Hyunjae added quietly, switching his phone from one hand to the other.
Juyeon chuckled, swinging the shopping bag over his shoulder, “I have your new clothes, I don’t think I will be letting go of them until you decide to go home.”
Hyunjae was in a good mood, really. And Juyeon seemed to feel good, too. There was no reason for Hyunjae not to cool off and let go instead of doubting every action or word. “What if I don’t want you to stick around that long?”
“Ouch,” Juyeon hissed, gripping his shirt over his chest and curling it in his palm, “I feel something hitting me in the heart."
Hyunjae watched him with parted lips for a second before he bursted out in a loud laugh, his hand coming out quickly to cover his mouth and keep his laugh down. “You’re so dramatic.” Hyunjae poked Juyeon’s chest, glancing around before walking away, Juyeon smiling behind him.
After entering and exiting many stores, they ended up having a late-lunch early-dinner. Each of them ordering his own food from different places and then meeting in the eating area to eat together. Juyeon offered half of his sandwich and Hyunjae shared his fries and a chicken drumstick, too. It was natural and had no awkwardness or discomfort, something Hyunjae felt grateful for.
They spent the whole day together, Hyunjae feeling at ease with Juyeon, for the most part at least. He was still heavily alert at some points, but he had a fun time. He wanted to be on his best impressions and behaviours around Juyeon. He did not want to admit why, though, even if he knew the reason deep down. It was better like this, no admitting or thinking further than what was happening in that moment.
Once they were out and about to each take his way back home, they exchanged numbers. Juyeon handed him his phone and Hyunjae felt some heat on the back of his neck as Juyeon smiled at him saving his number. “I enjoyed today.” Juyeon smiled, stepping back with his hands in his pockets, “Make sure to text me, though. Don’t break my heart again and act like a stranger.”
Hyunjae laughed, punching Juyeon’s chest gently before stepping forward as the bus was stopping in front of him. Hyunjae waved, saying his goodbye before taking an empty seat. He texted Juyeon once he was in his apartment, telling him that he got home safely and wished him a good night. It didn’t take long for Juyeon to reply, Hyunjae smiling at the dinging of his phone, knowing well who it was from as he hung up his new clothes.
2
Hyunjae kept his promise of texting Juyeon. He sent him a good morning text the next day, got one back later nearing noon. It was fine, though. He did have some thoughts when Juyeon took long to reply, but Hyunjae blamed it all on his overthinking. Hyunjae chewed on his bottom lip as he tidied the kitchen, his phone on the table opened on Juyeon’s chat. He wanted to reply, text him something appropriate, but he couldn’t come up with anything.
Thankfully, a few minutes later, Juyeon texted him again. He demanded Hyunjae show him the outfits when he wore them out. It was not exactly a conversation opener but Hyunjae squeezed his brain to come up with things to say in order to keep the conversation going even if it turned into light-hearted bickering.
Again, they texted each other good night, Hyunjae lying on his bed with a small subconscious smile at the recent memories. Hyunjae texted Juyeon first in the morning as well and did not get an instant reply. Not even an hour later nor in the noon or evening. It was night already and when Hyunjae checked the messages, he saw that his text was not opened yet.
His stomach twisted, his brain telling him the worst of the worst possibilities. Maybe Juyeon found him annoying the day before and didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Or maybe, Juyeon was too busy with someone else to open Hyunjae’s messages. Why did that hurt, though? They were not even best friends, there was nothing that obliged Juyeon to text Hyunjae back quickly or prioritize him.
That hurt, but Hyunjae kept convincing himself that it was no big deal. It wouldn’t be the end of the world or the last misery in his life. A man not texting him back? That was fine. There were millions of other men in the world. Juyeon won’t be the last man Hyunjae meets. Before falling asleep, Hyunjae reminded himself on why he decided to give up on feelings.
It was because of the pain and self-doubt it brought to him. Just like moments like that. Moments when he would lay in his bed in the dark and think about why a man was ignoring him. They were the worst moments he’s ever experienced and yet, he always somehow found himself falling into them again and again, no matter how many times he’d say he wouldn’t do it.
Hyunjae sulked by himself, but went on with his days normally. As usual, he had to get himself together and go on. He went to his nursing shifts at the hospital, six till six, Tuesday till Friday and spent the weekend slowly tidying around his apartment and going for a morning walk.
Hyunjae usually spent Mondays preparing food to put away in the fridge and heat after he got home from his shifts. It was a busy day for him, but he liked it all the same. Having things to do made Hyunjae ignore whatever thoughts would get through his mind to make him upset or anxious. Plus, Hyunjae realized after a few months of living alone that cooking was some sort of its own healing therapy.
Towards evening, when Hyunjae was lying on his couch watching some random documentary, his phone rang. He frowned slightly as he got up to reach his phone from the table, letting out a quiet ‘huh?’ once he saw Juyeon’s name on display. He wanted to feel relieved, happy that Juyeon was calling him, but he only felt confused and worried about what Juyeon could be calling him for.
“Hello?” Hyunjae cleared his throat, holding the phone close to his ear as he answered.
“Hey, Hyunjae.” Juyeon replied, his voice sounding energetic. “Sorry I couldn’t get back to you last week.”
“No, that’s okay.” Hyunjae wanted to ask him why he called, but Juyeon was faster than him in replying.
“I had to replace a detective in a training camp suddenly out of an emergency and phones aren’t allowed there.”
“Training camp?”
“There’s a training camp every two weeks for detectives and some officers.”
“You’re a detective.”
Juyeon stayed quiet on the other side of the line then chuckled quietly, “Yeah, sorry, I guess. I’m a chief detective.”
“You do not look like a detective.” Hyunjae blurted out, then realized what he said and quickly mumbled an apology, making Juyeon laugh again, “I just mean that you look like a student or something like that.”
“Something like that?”
Hyunjae wanted to slap himself, what’s exactly something like that? “Yeah.”
“Anyways, sorry for disappearing like that. I know I would be upset if someone did it to me.”
“It’s okay, Juyeon. I’m not upset now.” Hyunjae really wasn’t anymore. Not after he knew that he was not annoying Juyeon and that Juyeon wanted to talk with him still. “But I was!” Hyunjae said a bit loud, pouting to himself. Juyeon was still the man he’d spend the day at the mall with. He was still someone comfortable to be around, no need for Hyunjae to get stiff.
“Oh you were.” Juyeon cooed at him over the phone, clicking his tongue repeatedly, “I’ll make it up to you, then. When are you free?”
Hyunjae grinned to himself, punching the air as quietly as he could but quickly getting himself together in order not to get too excited. “I work from Tuesday to Friday, six in the morning till six in the evening.”
“That sounds tough, where do you work?”
“I’m a nurse.” Hyunjae was proud of himself. Becoming a nurse was something no one could ever break down for him.
“And you like blue.” Juyeon chuckled, “No wonder.”
“Hey!” Hyunjae pouted, lying back down on the couch again, feeling his body relax, “No badmouthing blue.”
Juyeon laughed at that, Hyunjae feeling himself blush and smile before Juyeon talked again, “How about I pick you up after work on Friday? Or if it would be better, we can go out on Saturday?”
“Saturday’s better, I think.” Hyunjae hummed, looking up at the ceiling, “Are you free on Saturday, mr. chief detective?”
“I am, I am.” Juyeon paused for a second then added, “mr. nurse.”
Hyunjae was counting the days hour by hour to be done. Saturday came pretty early, too. Hyunjae kept his mind focused at work and was too tired to dread how far Saturday was when he was back home. Texting Juyeon for a few minutes – one night for three hours, talking about how similar animals and humans’ lives were – also helped time pass quickly, but only made Hyunjae even more excited to meet up with Juyeon.
On Saturday, they decided to meet up at Hyunjae’s apartment. The weather was said to be cloudy either way, so Hyunjae used that as a further excuse to invite Juyeon over. For some reason, he wanted the other man to visit him, see where he lived, how he lived. It was maybe too early to already be thinking that far, but it was building steady and stable enough for Hyunjae despite his hidden worries and alerts.
Hyunjae made sure his apartment was spotless and shiny-clean by mid-day on Saturday. Juyeon was supposed to arrive around two before noon, he insisted on bringing lunch with him and that they could watch movies after they’d finish eating. It was minimalistic, very common, too. Nothing special about it, but Hyunjae had his best comfortable outfit and styled hair with cologne all over himself when the time was one-thirty.
While waiting for Juyeon to knock on his door, Hyunjae kept walking around his apartment. He was kind of being paranoid, checking to see if he missed some dust on the tables or had anything out of place in his kitchen. He did not want Juyeon to catch anything untidy or dirty. The apartment had to be in its best of the best conditions when Juyeon would walk in.
Impressions mattered too much for Hyunjae. Impressions and being perfect, actually. He knew he had one too many flaws, but he refused to appear anything short of perfect in front of men he found flawless.
Maybe Juyeon’s apartment was messy. Maybe Juyeon had a chocolate wrapper thrown and forgotten beside the table in his living room, but even with possibilities like that, Hyunjae only found himself smiling with some fondness over it. That didn’t matter to him, Juyeon was still perfect.
He had to try hard. He wanted Juyeon to see him perfect just like he saw Juyeon. It could be impossible, but he was willing to try. Maybe Juyeon would find him too clingy and difficult to deal with – something someone had told him before they left. Or maybe Juyeon would find him bland and uninteresting – another thing someone else had told him with an apology and a wish for a good life.
Hyunjae shook his head at the rambling and memories in his thoughts. His hands came up to pat on his cheeks softly, urging him to focus on the present instead of the past. Another pat made him remember how Juyeon was supporting of his choice of clothing when they met last time, unlike the past he was thinking about again.
That should be a beginning for Hyunjae to forget whatever he’d heard from previous partners. But it was hard, to forget the pain and the feeling of being left behind, cold and alone and lonelier one time after the other. Hyunjae pouted slightly as his train of thoughts started drifting away once again.
At that moment, though, Hyunjae heard a knock on his door. Juyeon arrived. He really was Hyunjae’s hero, wasn’t he? Arriving at the time Hyunjae needed him the most to snap him out of his drowning thoughts. Hyunjae smoothed his hair down one last time and quickly opened the door, smiling widely as he saw Juyeon standing there with a bag of food in his hand, “Hey,” Hyunjae stepped away, holding the door open, “Come in.”
“Hello.” Juyeon nodded with a smile just as wide, mirroring Hyunjae’s as he walked in. He toed off his shoes, pushing them with his foot to keep them out of the way before turning back to look at Hyunjae, handing him the bag, “Nothing special, but I think fried chicken is always good.”
Hyunjae took the bag, motioning for Juyeon to follow him to the kitchen as he placed the bag on the table and took the boxes out. “I wanted to get pizza at first, but there were too many options and I didn’t want to risk getting something you wouldn’t like.” Juyeon added, helping Hyunjae open the boxes and set them in the middle of the table while Hyunjae got each of them a plate.
“I like chicken more than pizza.” Hyunjae sat down after Juyeon, looking between the two boxes, “I like chicken more than anything else, actually.” Hyunjae giggled quietly to himself, happy because he was with Juyeon again and happier because, well, fried chicken. “Thank you for the food, Juyeon, let’s eat.”
They ate silently at first, then slowly started talking about the food then something else, Juyeon being way too good at leading conversations and letting them flow smoothly. They laughed more than they should while they eat and somehow, they managed to spend one hour and a half eating everything and talking together.
“I ate much more than you.” Hyunjae rubbed his hand over his stomach as he leaned back in his chair, feeling full.
Juyeon shrugged, putting the empty boxes over each other and then inside the plastic bag again and tying it up to be thrown away, “I’m a slow eater and I usually cannot eat a lot at once. Maybe if I stay till late at night, I can bother you into eating something else.”
“I have cup noodles.” Hyunjae grinned and took the plates to the sink, washing them quickly not to keep anything up for later. Juyeon clicked his tongue, pushing his hands under the water and washing them before taking the plates from Hyunjae and putting them on the rack to dry.
Hyunjae handed him the towel after drying his own hands, smiling to himself about how natural this specific act was. Juyeon glanced around, placing the towel on the counter before walking away to the living room, “What was it that you wanted to watch?”
“You can choose that.” Hyunjae followed him, waiting for Juyeon to sit down before sitting beside him, a small distance between them.
They stared at the TV in front of them, Juyeon humming then shrugging, “Anything works fine for me.”
“Pick a favourite, come on.”
“I like Harry Potter the most, I think. What do you like?”
“Avengers!” Hyunjae smiled at Juyeon with wide eyes, “But we can watch Harry Potter. I don’t hate it.”
“No, no. I’m good with avengers, too.”
Hyunjae shook his head, turning away from Juyeon to turn the TV on and search for Harry Potter movies he had. Before choosing one, the remote was suddenly snatched out of his hand, Juyeon quickly pressing on its buttons and searching for the avengers movie to play.
“Hey!” Hyunjae protested, reaching over to grab the remote from Juyeon’s hand. Juyeon moved his arm away from Hyunjae, tilting his head in a nod at the TV, “The movie’s starting.”
Juyeon did not like the movie, but he was watching it for Hyunjae’s sake. It should make Hyunjae feel happy or even special, what Juyeon was doing for him, but all he could think about as he stared unseeing at the screen was how he was ruining whatever chances he had with the man sitting beside him.
Hyunjae couldn’t help but think about how Juyeon was going to be bored and want to leave. He won’t be staying for the other meal Hyunjae was teasing him about. Hyunjae felt almost choked up, a little bit restless. A few minutes later, he couldn’t stay still anymore. Hyunjae reached over, pausing the movie and exhaling quietly to himself.
“Is there anything wrong?” Juyeon asked, obviously confused as he leaned forward to look at Hyunjae.
Hyunjae quickly shook his head, forcing a smile on his lips, “Let’s watch something else. You probably find it boring.”
Juyeon frowned slowly, his eyebrows knotting together as he watched Hyunjae grip on the remote tightly. He stayed quiet for a few seconds, then shook his head, shifting a little bit closer to Hyunjae on the couch, “I don’t find it boring. I don’t hate it, I just never willingly watched it.”
Juyeon reached for the remote carefully, nodding as Hyunjae looked at him and loosened his grip, Juyeon smiling softly, “How about you tell me about it as we watch? Your favourite part and character? Tell me why you like it and what you like most about it?”
For a split second, Hyunjae wanted to kiss Juyeon breathless and endlessly. Was what he heard right? Juyeon was willing to sit for two or so hours listening to Hyunjae talk about the avengers and explain to him everything. Hyunjae found it almost unbelievable. Almost, because Juyeon was smiling at him with a subtle nod before he played the movie again.
Hyunjae stayed quiet at first, still comprehending what Juyeon asked. It wasn’t that big of a deal or something very absurd. It was just that Juyeon could have let Hyunjae play Harry Potter and enjoy his favourite movie. But instead, Juyeon was willingly watching Hyunjae’s favourite movie and learning about it from Hyunjae.
That felt amazing. It felt wonderful. Hyunjae wanted to feel like that forever. Special and precious. It was a little bit disappointing how he still had doubts and worries about it, but Hyunjae stubbornly pushed these feelings away.
He took a deep breath, sitting back properly before nodding to himself mostly and eventually giving into Juyeon’s request. Hyunjae talked a lot, sometimes even tapping Juyeon’s knee or arm to explain and tell him about a specific scene or a theory he had about a character. Juyeon indulged him well, always knowing what to reply to make Hyunjae not feel annoying.
Talking back and forth, Juyeon asking and Hyunjae answering with detail made Hyunjae slowly feel better and better. By the time they were finishing the very quick and humble dinner they prepared and when Juyeon was ready to leave, Hyunjae was feeling as light as a feather. He was happy, content, and comfortable more so.
At first, Hyunjae wouldn’t deny that the main reason for wanting to talk with Juyeon was the outer charm. His smile and voice and aura in general. But, as Hyunjae spent more time with him and talked about various and different topics with Juyeon, he was curious more about Juyeon’s opinions and points of view about situations.
Juyeon was charming on the outside, the inside and everywhere in between. Hyunjae was weak for that, no matter how much he tried to control himself and distract himself. As a matter of fact, actually, Hyunjae knew he had about zero control over his poor little heart and his loving feelings and whatever emotions led and moved around.
1
Day after day and text after text, Hyunjae and Juyeon were close enough for long calls at night and picture updates of things happening during their days. Hyunjae was comfortable enough to send Juyeon ten texts ranting about something and not feel like a burden about it. In return, Juyeon was also comfortable enough to send Hyunjae a text at five in the morning and cry about wanting to sleep a case away because the arrested suspects were leading to nowhere successful.
They haven’t met in two weeks, despite talking constantly. So, Hyunjae invited Juyeon over again. Juyeon hesitated at first, feeling sorry that he had been exhausted from the case he was working on. Hyunjae understood that it must have been frustrating to have no clear vision of what Juyeon needed, so he left the invitation open for Juyeon to decide whether to visit him or not.
Surprisingly – or maybe not so surprisingly – Juyeon was knocking on Hyunjae’s door by eight at night, leaning against the frame with a bag of different snacks and drinks in his hand. He smiled at Hyunjae when he opened the door, beautiful and gentle but very obviously tired.
“Hey,” Hyunjae’s voice was quiet and soft, taking the bag from Juyeon, “You made it.”
Juyeon hummed and nodded, giving Hyunjae’s shoulder a squeeze as he stepped in and kicked off his shoes, finding his way to the living room and plopping down on the couch. “I did. I won’t be very fun, but I thought to come by for a bit.”
“Don’t worry about being fun.” Hyunjae chuckled quietly, placing the bag on the coffee table in the living room, “Would you like a cold drink you got or would tea be better to help you relax?”
“No need to prepare anything.” Juyeon shook his head then reached to take out a beverage from the bag he brought, opening it and taking a gulp, “What were you doing before I got here?”
Hyunjae nodded and took a seat on the couch beside Juyeon, stretching his legs on the floor in front of him, “Nothing, really.”
Juyeon was leaning his elbows on his knees, the drink in his hand as he swirled it around carefully, taking gulp after the other. Hyunjae watched him, smiling small to himself before returning to a neutral expression when Juyeon turned to look at him, holding a sealed bottle.
Hyunjae did not really want to drink, but he did not have the heart to reject it from Juyeon. So, Hyunjae opened the bottle and took a small sip, placing it on the table and looking at Juyeon again.
Juyeon’s shoulders seemed stiff, the muscles in his biceps having almost visible knots. Hyunjae was good at untying muscle knots, but he didn’t know if Juyeon appreciated distance to relax or liked to be given back rubs and hair strokes.
“Would you like to lay down?” Hyunjae asked carefully, tilting his head to look at Juyeon, smiling when Juyeon looked at him, “And if it helps you, I can play with your hair?” Hyunjae’s voice was fading away at the question, his cheeks involuntarily heating up, “Or I can try to ease the knots out in your shoulders.”
Juyeon was looking at Hyunjae all over without saying anything. His eyes moved around Hyunjae’s face, which made Hyunjae squirm slightly under his gaze, pressing his thighs together and his hands between them. Juyeon glanced at Hyunjae’s hands then back at his face again, chuckling as he shook his head and placed the drink on the table, “You’re really cute, you know?”
Hyunjae parted his lips, his eyes watching Juyeon move his hips a bit farther from Hyunjae, “Ah,” Hyunjae muttered, gulping quietly, “Thank you, Juyeon. You’re cute, too.” He trailed, his hands sweating as he gripped his sweatpants to dry them without Juyeon noticing.
“You want to play with my hair?” Juyeon asked, no pink over his cheeks unlike Hyunjae. “Should I lay my head on your lap, then?” He added another question before Hyunjae could answer.
Now, Hyunjae would actually love that very much. He loved it when he had someone’s – someone he liked – head on his lap as he stroked their hair until they slept, or added lose and light braids when their hair was long enough, “Can I braid your hair?” Hyunjae asked abruptly, his eyes wide and a little bit glossy as he looked at Juyeon.
“You know how to braid hair?”
Hyunjae nodded, by some miracle keeping his gaze steady on Juyeon’s face, “No need to do it, though!” He added quickly, “It was just a suggestion. We don’t have to do it at all if you find it uncomfortable.”
“Do you have ties for the braids? I don’t think they would last unless you tie them with these small rubber ties.”
“I do, I do!” Hyunjae nodded, standing up. Juyeon agreed, indirectly, to let Hyunjae braid his hair. Hyunjae was excited, despite nervous. People he suggested that to usually found it a little bit weird and well, girly, and none of them really wanted Hyunjae to even think about braiding their hair. Juyeon, however, was thinking of how to keep the braids in his hair.
Juyeon couldn’t possibly become more perfect in Hyunjae’s eyes, could he? Juyeon smiled at him, told him to go get the ties for the braids. Hyunjae happily obliged, so eager that his chest was almost heaving once he rushed back to the living room with a mini comb and a holographic pouch with colorful small ties in it.
Hyunjae gripped them tightly for a second, rethinking back on this whole thing as he stood beside the couch. Juyeon looked at his hands then up at him, face blank for a second before he chuckled and grinned widely, “What a professional you are.” Juyeon patted the empty space beside him on the couch, “I can’t wait to have my hair done by a high-class coiffure.”
“Shut up.” Hyunjae’s cheeks and neck were red as he shoved Juyeon’s shoulder softly, making him sway with a small laugh before Hyunjae sat down by the arm of the couch and tapped on his thighs, “Come on.”
Juyeon gave him a quick salute, grabbing one of the cushions and hugging to his chest as he laid down on his back, shifting in his place until his head was resting comfortably in Hyunjae’s lap. Hyunjae avoided looking at Juyeon’s face directly, pushing his fingers through Juyeon’s hair instead, making it spread over his thighs.
Hyunjae noticed Juyeon’s arms over the cushion loosen up slowly, his chest slowing down its raise-and-fall rhythm a bit as well. Hyunjae smiled to himself, Juyeon obviously already relaxing when Hyunjae was only now holding the mini comb and brushing Juyeon’s hair with it.
The locks weren’t close to being long, but Hyunjae was sure he could manage having two or three braids despite being messy and having some hairs out of place. Hyunjae put the comb aside, using his fingers instead to grab three thin locks and start braiding them together, giggling to himself quietly as some strands started slipping out of the braid as he was tying it.
“You’re being unprofessional.” Juyeon mumbled, his voice a little low and quiet, probably from dozing in and out of sleep, “Stop laughing at your special client.”
“You’re right, you’re right.” Hyunjae bit on his bottom lip to hold back his laughter as he was tying the second braid, “I’m sincerely sorry, mr. detective. Please feel free to take a thirty minute nap.”
Juyeon hummed in affirmation, “Thirty minutes and I’m depending on you to wake me up or else you will sleep the night sitting on here.”
Hyunjae hummed back, moving his fingers slowly through Juyeon’s unbraided strands. Their position, the whole situation and act was all too domestic. It was something almost no platonic pair would do on a third meeting no matter how long they’ve texted or called. At least that was what Hyunjae was thinking as he watched Juyeon’s sleeping face for a second.
Still, Hyunjae couldn’t bring himself to move away or push Juyeon off. Hyunjae was comfortable and Juyeon was, too – if not more. The calmness and warmth was nice, something Hyunjae felt that he could spend a long, long time of his life living through. Healing? Maybe that was one level higher, but everything was progressing towards it so positively.
So positively until Hyunjae’s thoughts decide to float in his mind. He pushed them away fast enough not to think of stupid potential details of everything wrong that could happen. Hyunjae rested his back against the couch, his eyes glancing at and away from Juyeon’s sleeping features as his fingers trailed over the braids and through the locks while Juyeon snored lightly.
+
Hyunjae wanted to let go.
After Juyeon had woken up and left last week, Hyunjae started missing him during his work shifts when they couldn’t talk. Hyunjae kept think about Juyeon, the way he was calm and quiet after he’d woken up and how his voice had been rough but still had no tone of rudeness in it for being shaken awake. Maybe it was because as a detective, he was used to waking up abruptly, but still, Hyunjae found it endearing how calm he was after the small jolt from being shaken.
It was even more endearing and so, how Juyeon praised Hyunjae’s braiding skills and felt the braids in his hair before cooing at Hyunjae. A wide smile on Juyeon’s lips as his fingers tickled Hyunjae’s chin gently, raising up to poke his nose from the side with a chuckle, telling him that he’d want another appointment for his hair as soon as possible.
Everything was so lovely with Juyeon. The way they talked and the things they talked about. The little acts that Juyeon did which made him instantly more perfect in Hyunjae’s eyes and a threat to Hyunjae’s poor little heart. There were words and mindsets that Hyunjae thought he wouldn’t ever find in another man, but there went Juyeon and voiced them out during a midnight call.
When Hyunjae sat down to think thoroughly of where his relationship with Juyeon was going – whether platonically or romantically – he decided to be utterly objective. Or well, as much as he could, anyway.
There were some hints of Juyeon having more-than-friends feelings for Hyunjae. Juyeon had called their latest meet-up a date, specifically saying he liked domestic dates just like what they did at Hyunjae’s apartment. Another time, Juyeon had said that Hyunjae was someone he wanted to be with for a long time, exactly saying that he would want to go through everything in life together. Hyunjae did not reply back then, only said a goodnight and hung up.
Now, Hyunjae held his phone in his hands, the screen opened on Juyeon’s chat. ‘Should I take you on a date after work?’ Juyeon sent it to him earlier in the morning and Hyunjae still hasn’t replied. He was scared, anxious about the whole date thing. He couldn’t defend himself though.
Hyunjae had never corrected Juyeon when the other referred to their time together as a date, which was probably some sort of an indirect confession that Hyunjae was also interested. Hyunjae was interested. He was way too interested, which was what made him really nervous about it all.
If he rejected Juyeon now, there would be two endings. Either Juyeon will slowly stop talking to him or he would act like it was better to know earlier and have a clear view of where they’d be heading towards if they continue talking.
Both ideas scared Hyunjae even more than a broken heart by Juyeon. His whole body shuddered a bit at the thought of Juyeon shattering his heart to pieces. Juyeon wouldn’t do that to him, would he? He could, in reality. He could crash Hyunjae and destroy him to small dust and ashes, but Hyunjae decided to give him a chance to see if he would.
Hyunjae wanted to believe that Juyeon was different. And in order to prove himself right, he had to give Juyeon a chance. So, he sent Juyeon a reply, telling Juyeon to pick him up from his apartment at seven-thirty.
At seven, when Hyunjae was buttoning up his shirt in front of the mirror, he decided to only walk out when his head and heart were both blank. A new page of a new book with a new chapter. Hyunjae wanted to start all fresh and new with Juyeon. No scars in his heart or clouds in his head. He desperately needed that. Even if he made himself strong and appeared a little careless, he badly needed to feel love and affection.
Hyunjae wanted to let go. Hyunjae let go once there was a knock on his door. He deserved a chance. They both did.
Juyeon smiled, as usual, charming and handsome, as usual. Hyunjae stepped out, smiling as well, his smile widening when he felt Juyeon’s hand on the small of his back as they walked towards Juyeon’s car after greeting each other. Hyunjae was shy and nervous. Hyunjae was not insecure and anxious. That was a good start, exactly what Hyunjae had been forcing himself into.
“You look gorgeous, by the way.” Juyeon smiled as he glanced at Hyunjae quickly, turning to look back at the road ahead.
Hyunjae hummed, giggling happily, “Thank you. My stylist told me this outfit suited me.”
It was on purpose. Hyunjae wore the blue shirt and black pants that Juyeon had chosen for him back when they accidentally met at the mall. Hyunjae tucked it properly under his pants, the way Juyeon had suggested.
As much as he wanted to impress Juyeon, Hyunjae also wanted to make Juyeon happy. From what Hyunjae had gather and deduced, small things like these made Juyeon happy. It was not about Hyunjae wearing an outfit that would make Juyeon’s mind blow. It was about wearing the outfit that would make Juyeon feel appreciated.
Was appreciated even the right word? Hyunjae did not know what word it was, but Juyeon would feel good from Hyunjae wearing something Juyeon liked. And well, Juyeon had given Hyunjae many compliments back then. If he were lying to Hyunjae, it’s somehow coming back at him on their first date.
Juyeon did not take him to a fancy restaurant and Hyunjae was grateful for that. He did not hate it, but it was not really his world. Hyunjae was comfortable and liked comfortable places instead of places he had to stay up straight with a napkin wiping his mouth after every small bite he took from his food.
The whole restaurant had a cozy feel to it. Juyeon ordered for both of them, the waiters serving many plates of various foods shortly after. They drank beer instead of elegant wine and ate a little bit of everything instead of an expensive steak.
Hyunjae felt content, relaxed. He was so comfortable he wanted to get up and go cuddle up by Juyeon’s side at some point.
The date wasn’t anything extravagant, but it was just what Hyunjae liked. Pleasant and convenient and enjoyable with Juyeon certainly enjoying their time together just like Hyunjae was.
Hyunjae was talkative, especially after half of the plates were empty. He had many stories to share and tell Juyeon about. Juyeon sat across of him and listened to whatever Hyunjae was saying word-by-word. And when Hyunjae got immersed in his stories, his hands started moving around and the pitch of his voice started changing along the story.
Juyeon did not laugh quietly. Juyeon laughed with his whole body, his head thrown back and his hand over his mouth when he was sitting again. After Juyeon’s laughs also came small chuckles, and at a story Hyunjae was telling, Juyeon stopped laughing for a second only to look at Hyunjae’s hands move around before he went back to laughing once again, his fingers wiping off a tear from the corner of his eye.
Was Hyunjae that funny? Were his stories that entertaining? No one had ever laughed this hard or this much while he told his anecdotes.
Hyunjae’s voice died down as he finished talking, a soft smile on his lips as he watched Juyeon calm down from his laughing fit. Hyunjae looked at Juyeon shake his head and tap on his cheeks. He was flushing red from laughing for too long. Juyeon also cleared his throat a couple of times, taking a sip from his drink.
Juyeon looked perfect like that. Even more than how Hyunjae already saw him as.
Juyeon was perfect during their date.
Taking Hyunjae somewhere he knew Hyunjae liked – Juyeon admitted that he had a different place in mind but when he realized that Hyunjae leaned more towards cozy places, he decided to bring him here.
Pulling Hyunjae’s chair out for him and helping him sit down before going to sit in front of him.
Ordering an extra plate of fried chicken because Hyunjae loved fried chicken more than anything else.
Listening to Hyunjae talk and talk without interrupting him but still finding a moment to ask about something in the story or add a silly comment.
Laughing at Hyunjae’s stories and asking him about another one or about an alternate ending or an assumed feeling about someone in the story.
Telling Hyunjae stories of his own about his life and family and work.
Asking Hyunjae about things he liked, attempting to know him more and at the same time answering the same questions.
Juyeon was so perfect during their date Hyunjae wanted to go on one every night just to experience these feelings and emotions of pure joy and fondness.
“You’re staring.” Juyeon said, a teasing smile playing over his lips as he snapped Hyunjae out of his daze.
“I am.” Hyunjae confirmed shamelessly, still lost in his thoughts about the same man talking with him.
“Do you like it?” Juyeon leaned forward on the table, his hands locked together as he rested his chin over his fingers.
“I like you.” Hyunjae copied Juyeon’s pose, no turning back anymore. Hyunjae wanted to live happily with Juyeon as much as he could.
“And I like you.” Juyeon replied, his wide smile reaching his eyes.
“Good,” Hyunjae nodded, sitting back in his chair again, “You better not break my heart, though.” Hyunjae pointed at Juyeon, “Or else your colleagues will be investigating your case.”
Juyeon gasped dramatically, raising his arms up, “No breaking hearts. I vow to try my best to be the best you’ve ever had.”
Hyunjae smiled small at first, blocking away the last thought of his past and then grinned widely, nodding as he took a sip from his drink, “Good.”
Finally, Hyunjae let go. Nothing was ever a hundred percent confirmed beforehand, especially in feelings and destiny’s paths, but still, Hyunjae strongly believed Juyeon would keep his promise. He already, strangely, trusted Juyeon and their flourishing relationship to be what he’d been looking for all along.
“By the way,” Juyeon placed his now empty cup away on the table, picking up a chicken drumstick from the plate in the middle and swinging it around before taking a bite, “Spouses are always the first suspects of murder cases.”
“Are you saying they would arrest me before anyone else?”
Juyeon smiled with tight lips, his tongue poking out to lick over them and swallow the bite he’d taken, “Definitely will be the first one brought for investigation.”
“Are you threatening me back, mr. detective?”
“Oh I definitely am.”
Hyunjae looked at him speechlessly, watching the mischief dance around Juyeon’s features. God, he was so handsome like that.
“Work related talks during dates are very unattractive.” Hyunjae pouted, glancing up at Juyeon when he heard soft cooing.
“Here, here.” Juyeon brought the drumstick to Hyunjae’s lips, “Have some chicken.”