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Wooyoung is not a good liar.
He may prank people and make them believe some nonsense only to have a good laugh later, yeah. Tell San he’s ugly when they are in the middle of a fight only to shower him with compliments later. He also doesn’t shy away from white lies when needed, because he firmly believes that it’s better to praise someone even if they don’t deserve it right now. After all, the world is already full of mean people and hate. So he says yes, Seonghwa hyung, this sweater is really nice , even though it’s not, who the hell would want to wear a neon-pink sweater embroidered with white kittens with fluffy ears and shiny eyes. Except for Seonghwa, of course.
Never in his life would Wooyoung find in himself to tell Mingi that he is not handsome, or that Hongjoong is not talented. It’s just not who he is.
So when Wooyoung realizes that his feelings for Yeosang have suddenly shifted from “best friends till there is only one chicken strip left” to “I wonder how it feels like to kiss him silly”, he knows he is screwed.
As soon as San asks what’s going on or what bothers him, Wooyoung is done. And San will ask him, this fucker is so tuned in to Wooyoung and his emotions, he must be already suspecting that something is wrong . And Wooyoung will not, he can not tell San that everything is alright, or nothing’s happening, or that he shouldn’t be worried.
Because Wooyoung is having feelings for Yeosang and that’s fucked up enough to shake not only their relationship but the whole group's dynamic.
Wooyoung feels like such an asshole, being in a committed relationship with San, his boyfriend, soulmate, the amicus to his aras, and having these… thoughts and urges. Wooyoung shouldn’t wake up wondering if Yeosang slept well, if it’s okay to wake him up with a kiss, or if he would oppose morning cuddles and breakfast in bed. Wooyoung shouldn’t catch himself staring at Yeosang working out in the living room, sleeveless tank top doing nothing to preserve Wooyoung’s sanity. And all those times he accidentally saw Yeosang in nothing but briefs in fitting rooms? He still has shivers from time to time, when a memory of all the expanses of pale skin comes to the forefront of his mind.
And the shittiest thing is that Wooyoung wasn’t even the first one to notice.
It was Mingi of all people. Okay, no one in their group is too observant. But still. Mingi! Who had the audacity to be absent for several months and then come back to the dorm and point out something Wooyoung should’ve seen coming for at least a few years.
“Wow, you’ve become so close,” Mingi whispered during the movie night they had right after his return. Halfway past the third movie, it was only Wooyoung, Mingi and Jongho left, others were sleeping soundly in various stages of disarray – Yunho even snapped a picture of Hongjoong sleeping in Seonghwa’s arms and Seonghwa proudly smiling like a sap he is.
“Mhm?” Wooyoung asked, not looking away from the screen.
“You and Yeosang,” Mingi explained without actually explaining anything.
Wooyoung frowned and looked at Yeosang, who was snoring lightly, curled on Wooyoung’s chest. Was it strange? Yeah, usually it’s San who gets cuddles during movie nights or “let’s build a pillow-fortress but without pillows and fortress, okay, let’s just hang out sitting on the floor and eating snacks, fuck diet” sleepovers, but that night he was on the other end of the couch, snuggled next to Yunho, hugging a plushy tightly. And Wooyoung honestly didn’t remember how San ended up there and why. As if he didn’t pay any attention to him the whole evening and that’s impossible. Right?
“Maybe,” Wooyoung shrugged carefully, trying not to wake Yeosang up. Mingi watched him for a few minutes but then realized that Wooyong wasn’t going to elaborate, and turned his attention back to the movie.
Since that fateful evening, Wooyoung has started thinking more and more about what’s going on between him, Yeosang, and by extension San. After careful recollection of all their recent interactions, it turns out Wooyoung forgets about San more and more these days. There is always something fun to watch, but it’s funny only if Yeosang comments on it. There are plenty of places to visit, but the food is tastier with Yeosang sitting in front of him, clothes suit him better when Yeosang shops with him, and working out is much easier when Yeosang sweats on the treadmill next to him.
Suddenly, everything in Wooyoung’s life is focused on Yeosang only, as if San hasn't been actively making it better for the last three years.
The thought is so scary and wrong to its very core, that Wooyong has a meltdown on the kitchen floor at 3 am.
That’s when he hears the entrance door unlocking. And, probably, it’s not really polite to spring all his pent-up feelings and emotions on their leader when he’s just come back from the studio, exhausted and functioning on barely a few hours of sleep, but Wooyoung is notorious for acting first and not thinking about it later.
“Hyung!” he whines, sitting on the floor with a half-finished mug of already cold coffee.
“The fuck?!” Hongjoong startles and trips over the rug, cursing quietly. It’s hard to make out his expression in the dim light, so Wooyoung pretends their leader is not that pissed at him. Still, he offers sheepishly, “Sorry,” deciding to play nice for once.
“I wish you were,” Hongjoong grumbles and slowly makes his way to the fridge to get a can of cold coffee. “Trouble sleeping?”
“Have a lot on my mind,” Wooyoug carefully watches him, trying to assess how tired he is and if he has enough mental capacity to deal with Wooyoung’s shit. Contrary to another popular belief, Wooyoung does know that he can be too much at times.
“Spill it then,” Hongjoong sighs tiredly but not unkindly and opens the can, leaning on the kitchen island on his elbows, looking at Wooyoung expectantly.
“Well- I think I…”
Wooyoung is grateful that he is still sitting and his hyung is too short to see his twitching hands hidden behind the kitchen island, “I think I like Yeosang. Much more than a friend.”
Hongjoong chokes on his coffee, spilling it on the countertop, and coughs violently, trying to catch a breath.
“A little warning next time, okay?” he rasps finally, breathing in and out, and reluctantly puts the unfinished coffee away. “So, you, San and Yeosang?”
“What? No, hyung!” Wooyoung exclaims a bit too loudly and winces under Hongjoong’s reprimanding stare. “I mean, I wish, but it’s wrong? I’m just- And San will find out soon, and he will ask questions, and he will be disappointed, and then Yeosang will find out too if not yet, and it will be a mess, and then management will know, and someone will tell someone and we will be banned from every show, ceremony, oh my god, we will become cast-offs and…”
“Okay, enough spiraling,” Hongjoong cuts him short. “First, if no one from the management hasn’t told you anything yet, adding Yeosang won’t change a thing. You and San are the ultimate antonym to the word ‘subtle’, so we have this covered. And we will not be banned from anywhere. Unless you decide to fuck in a club’s toilet stall. Or ask for money from someone.”
“Don’t worry, hyung, your royalties are enough,” Wooyoung snickers quietly, but quickly shuts up.
“Glad to hear that,” Hongjoong says dryly. “Back to your little problem, just talk to San and Yeosang, and then let me know what you decided.”
“But it’s not that simple!” Wooyoung whines, bashing his head against the kitchen drawer. “How can I talk with San about being halfway in love with someone else? How can I talk to Yeosang about him being my “second choice”? How do you even talk about it? Me and San simply- happened. And now I need to put effort!”
“Wow, Wooyong discovers how being an adult works. A sight to behold.”
“Hyung! What’s so funny?”
“You are,” Hongjoong chuckles, wiping spilled coffee from the countertop with his hand and then licking it clean. And that’s gross but it’s 3 am, so Wooyoung is willing to overlook that. “I’ve always thought you would be the one to advise on handling multiple relationships.”
“I w-what?”
“You know, with that harem of yours,” Hongjoong waves his hands widely, gesturing at something in the air, and Wooyoung doesn’t understand a thing.
“I don’t have a harem!”
“Yeah, yeah, tell Changbin about that. And Y eonjun . And Felix. And that choreographer. And barista from the coffee shop you frequent lately. Oh, and that dancer you met at Fact awards. Should I go on?”
“But we aren’t like that! We’re just friends!”
“You bite people you barely know, personal space is mere words for you, and you have half of all the male idols wrapped around your little finger. Yes, you do have a harem. Just accept that. Have fun. Use protection and don’t try shower sex, it’s overrated.”
“But even if I… What about San? I can’t just say ‘Hey, I have the hots for Yeosang, give me your blessing’, that would be weird.”
“Why not? He deserves to know. If he disapproves, you work it out together. If he doesn’t, you get a chance to woo Yeosang. But if you keep stewing, no one will be happy. Especially me.”
“And if San breaks up with me?”
Hongjoong rolls his eyes, visibly contemplating at least half of his life choices, “Amicus ad aras, remember? You’d need something bigger to make him even consider that. You are Woosan. If someone understands your sudden desire to rail Yeosang, it’s him.”
“Hyung, please, don’t say things like that it’s embarrassing.”
“You decided to talk about it, deal with that.”
“I like you better when you half-asleep after your studio sessions,” Wooyong grumbles but without any actual heat.
“And I don’t like you at all. Use your mouth for something other than screaming and sort it out. We don’t have time for drama unless it’s another acting opportunity. Good night, sleep tight,” and with that, Hongjoong leaves Wooyong sitting on the kitchen floor no more near to the solution than before the talk.
It’s a real testimony to how the whole situation messed Wooyoung up that it’s only after the door to the bathroom clicks shut that Wooyoung realizes, “Wait what do you mean shower sex is overrated? Hyung? Hyung!”
Despite the kinda emotional talk in the kitchen and Hongjoong’s let’s say approval, Wooyoung still hesitates. He is not a coward and he knows that both San and Yeosang won’t judge him. Okay, maybe Yeosang will, but even his teasing has some bounds. Still, right now everything works. Not smoothly and the issue with “starring at Yeosang for too long and too obviously” does shake Wooyoung up more than a little bit, but he can manage. Something is always better than nothing.
But, once again, Wooyoung is not a good liar, and all the stress he has had to endure for months after realizing and observing his not-so-light crush on Yeosang makes him too emotional.
No wonder he breaks down right in front of San as soon as the latter asks him what’s wrong.
They have a rare day-off when everyone except for them has something to do so Wooyoung and San are the only ones left in the dorm, so it’s a perfect opportunity for Wooyong to start crying right then and there, sobbing uncontrollably and clutching San’s t-shirt.
“ Everything is wrong, Sannie, ” Wooyoung wants to say but can’t, words caught in his throat. So he just sobs, mind running miles per hour imagining all kinds of scenarios: San being repulsed, even disgusted, being wary of touching him or even being in the same room with him, San leaving, door firmly closed between them.
The rational part of Wooyoung realizes that these are just thoughts, something his mind came up with because he is too afraid to be left alone by the most important people in his life. It’s the treacherous heart that keeps hurting and crying bloody tears, mirroring those leaking from his scrunched eyes and leaving wet patches on San’s shirt.
So San, the most wonderful person in the whole universe, gathers Wooyoung in his arms and puts him together like a broken puzzle. As if it’s just that simple.
“I can punch them if you want?” San murmurs softly after some time. They are sitting now – Wooyoung completely missed San moving them onto the couch and piling up pillows and blankets left after the movie night. At least he won’t have to crawl to his room after San dumps him, he can just cry himself into sleep right here, all nice and cozy.
“Whom?” Wooyoung croaks, throat raw from crying.
“Bad thoughts.”
“You can't punch something that’s not real, silly,” Wooyoung snickers, although a bit brokenly, still too shaken up.
“Watch me! For you, I'll do anything.”
And it’s meant to be a joke, something to lighten up the mood but instead, it brings a wave of fresh tears and Wooyoung sobs, body shivering uncontrollably. He tries to wipe his cheeks but tears run faster, stubbornly refusing to stop and give him a moment to put a hold over himself.
“We can talk later when you are ready,” San says tentatively.
But Wooyoung will never be, so now is as good a time as any.
“I love Yeosang,” Wooyoung says and holds his breath.
“I love him too,” San replies quickly, not even a trace of hesitation in his voice. Any other time it would’ve been endearing.
“No, you don’t…”
“I do love him!” San exclaims, pouting. Sweet sweet San, still not realizing what’s going on.
“No, Sanny. Not like me.”
“We all love each other differently,” San goes on stubbornly, and Wooyoung half-heartedly wishes to smack his head. “I think we can't love more or less, we either love or don’t. My feelings towards him aren’t the same as yours but I certainly love him too.”
Maybe that’s a sign from the universe that Wooyoung should end this conversation. Finish it on the “we both love Yeosang, but I’m a bit more” note, and leave it like that. Try to put a stop to his wishful thinking, lustful gazes, and soft touches that should be meant for another person.
But maybe it's better to rip off the bandaid quickly and mercilessly.
“San-ah. I’m in love with Yeosang,” Wooyoung starts, and then he cannot stop, “I want to kiss him, hug him to sleep. Wake up and see his face first thing in the morning, and fall asleep watching him lying next to me. I want to…”
“Okay,” San shrugs and looks at Wooyoung as if their whole relationship hasn’t been put at risk.
“Okay? What do you mean okay? I should not! I should stop feeling… like this!”
“Why?” San is so irritatingly calm about it, and it strikes something deep in Wooyoung, who spent several weeks worrying about breaking his heart.
“What do you mean why! Because I love you!”
San looks right into Wooyoung's eyes, softly tracing circles on his back, “How does loving me stops you from loving anyone else?
Wooyoung feels like a truck hit him. He blinks once, twice, trying to comprehend what San is talking about. But his stupid brain refuses to cooperate, “W-what?”
“Wooyoung-ah, you can’t just stop loving someone.”
“Don’t you feel like I'm cheating on you?” Wooyoung screeches, his voice too high, but he cannot control it, just like he cannot control his hands trembling, still clutching San’s t-shirt, now wrinkled beyond salvaging.
San signs so tiredly, but not like he is tired of Wooyoung, more like he has to repeat something so obvious to a small child that just can’t get something, and okay, that’s a bit hurtful, “If feeling love towards someone is cheating, then I’ve been cheating on you with Seonghwa for the last couple of years.”
“You what?”
“You can’t tell me you don’t want to fuck him into oblivion when he puts on one of his chokers that look more like collars.”
“Well, I wouldn’t call it love per se.”
“You kiss him to sleep sometimes. Just like I do. And everyone else. We all collectively love Seonghwa and cheat on each other. And Hongjoong is still oblivious.”
“Bless his poor virgin soul,” Wooyoung adds automatically, only to finally smack cackling San’s shoulder, “How do you even… what kind of line of thinking it is?”
“The one that lets me sleep soundly and doesn’t make me break down crying.”
“You are making fun of me now, aren’t you? Poor weak Wooyoung…”
“Hey,” a smile leaves San’s face, morphing into an expression of genuine adoration and unconditional, unbreakable love, that leaves Wooyoung breathless, “You are one of the strongest and bravest people I've ever known and I love you so much it hurts to breathe sometimes because there is not enough space in my chest it's just so full of love to you. And as long as you come back to me and want to have me beside you, you can love anyone you want. Except for Felix, he’s like a son to me, that would be super weird.”
“Are you,” Wooyoung chooses his words carefully, afraid of shattering the first buds of hope blooming in his chest, “suggesting making a move at Yeosang? Only me or, you know, together, maybe?”
“It’s up to you. I just said that you have options you don’t have to worry about looking into. And if you want to include me and Yeosang will be okay with that. Yeah, why not.”
How San could sound so okay with everything is such a mystery for Wooyoung, but he is so happy and exhausted at the same time, so he decides just to leave well alone.
“I love you, Sanny.”
“I know,” San answers smugly and Wooyoung can’t even find in himself to feel offended.
“Who would’ve known you are a simp for Yeosang’s body,” Wooyoung still teases, more for the sake of his image.
“You would. And also I love him for his excellent sense of humor, diligence, and determination.”
“Did you rehearse it in case you’ll have to defend your desire to have sex with him?”
“I might’ve,” San chuckles and kisses Wooyoung’s forehead sweetly.
Once Wooyoung is thoroughly cleaned, fucked, once again cleaned, and fed, he starts plotting to confess to Yeosang and involve San. His mind, free of the burdens of worry of possible infidelity and break-up now works full force on expanding his relationship, because once Wooyoung imagined himself between San and Yeosang, there is no turning back.
There is one little thing left, Wooyoung just needs to make a move on Yeosang and not scare him off. Should sound harder than being done, since the whole concept of Wooyoung’s interactions with other people is flirting, touching, and occasionally kissing.
And therein lies the catch.
Yeosang is so accustomed to Wooyoung being flirty by default, that he turns blind eye to his every attempt to flirt with a purpose. All Wooyoung’s and by extension San’s pick-up lines miss the target completely, kisses and hugs don’t go past the platonic stage, and every “I love you” laced with a special meaning is met with a blunt “love you too” which is what Wooyoung and San would like to hear but in a totally different context.
Wooyoung bets Hongjoong is having the time of his life.
The worst thing is, that Wooyoung can’t talk to anyone about the whole situation. No one in ATEEZ is well-versed in polyamory if that’s even the right word for what Wooyoung and San are aiming at. The group is bad at relationships in general, just look at Hongjoong and Seonghwa, and they should be mature ones. Theoretically, Wooyoung could ask for advice from one of his numerous friends, but he’s still afraid of possible consequences and no matter what Hongjoong has said, he’d like to deal with his feelings toward another person without involving anyone from other groups and labels.
(And Wooyoung will never ask Changbin or Y eonjun for help because he won’t hear the end of it if he does)
So he is left alone in his attempts to catch Yeosang’s attention.
After days of fruitless attempts and repeated confessions, Wooyoung suspects that all hope is lost. Especially after a particularly “rough” encounter with Yeosang that left Wooyoung in tears, sobbing in San’s plushy, stammering over the story of how he intentionally kissed Yeosang, lips on lips, as blunt as possible, and wished him goodnight, and Yeosang just smiled – adorably, that’s for sure, – but still nowhere near the level of affection Wooyoung longed for.
San hugged him tight, whispered words of reassurance, and tried to convince him that they just needed a bit more time, and soon Yeosang would realize, but the damage was done, and Wooyoung found himself thinking more and more about how his love would never be reciprocated.
And then all the anguish in his life comes to a sudden end late in the evening on a random day.
Wooyoung is too tired after the whole day spent in the dance studio. He is trying to master new, more challenging styles to surprise fans during his lives, so whenever he has free time he either trains by himself or with a tutor. Exhausted and aching from hours of dancing, he decides to retire to sleep rather earlier than usual, San following him in tow as his dutiful pillow.
“Night, Sangie, love you,” Wooyoung mumbles, planting an obscenely loud smooch on top of Yeosang’s head.
“I know, Wooyoung-ah,” Yeosang rolls his eyes, staring at the screen with whatever game he is into these days.
“No, you don’t,” Wooyoung signs dejectedly, paying little attention to what he says and to whom.
He and San are on their way to the bedroom, when Yeosang replies, “I know you love me romantically.”
Suddenly, the world stops turning.
Wooyoung turns to him so quickly he almost loses his balance, but San is there to catch him, as always. For a moment, it seems like he is the only thing that keeps Wooyoung upright.
“You w-what?” Wooyoung stammers, voice shaking slightly.
“I’ve known about your feelings for some time,” Yeosang says, putting his phone away. At first glance, he seems almost nonchalant, but San notices the slight tremble of his fingers.
“But how…”
“Please, you do realize you aren’t that subtle? Especially you and San together?” he chuckles, “and ‘ Sangie, promise our bedroom will be in light violet tones ’ is not what you say to your friend while lying in bed and getting a tad too handsy.”
“San?” Wooyoung asks incredulously, turning to his boyfriend. Because he can swear he hasn’t talked with Yeosang about painting walls in their future bedroom.
“Guilty as charged,” San hangs his head down, taking a small step back.
“Ah, also, Hongjoong warned me,” Yeosang goes on, obviously enjoying destroying his former best friend of many years.
“He what now? Hyung!” Wooyoung yells, and mere seconds later Hongjoong bursts into the living room, looking wild and disheveled, with noise-canceling headphones hanging on his neck.
“What happened?!”
“You told Yeosang I love him?” Wooyoung lashes out at him immediately, fuming with irritation.
“No? I didn’t?”
“But he said…”
“I said he warned me,” Yeosang fired back.
“Meaning, I asked him to pay attention to you because I knew you wouldn’t talk to him. It’s not my fault he's smart.”
“So let me get this straight, and don’t you dare joke about our sexuality, or I'll bite your tongues off. Hongjoong hyung almost gave away my secret and you,” he turned to Yeosang, pointing the finger at him accusatory, “you suspected and then knew for sure and I and San were just making fools of ourselves this whole time?”
“And you were the best fools,” Hongjoong pipes in reassuringly, leaning at the doorframe.
“Hyung,” Wooyoung hisses warningly.
San senses the swift change in his mood and puts himself between Wooyoung, unamused Hongjoong, and now slightly wary Yeosang, “Hyung, can we please talk alone?”
“All right, but don’t kill each other just yet, we have a recording scheduled on Friday,” Hongjoong looks like he wants to add something, but San shakes his head slightly, and with a tired sigh, he leaves them be.
“Sangie,” San starts, but whatever he wanted to say is drowned in the anguish of Wooyoung’s broken voice and whispered question, “Was it revenge?”
“ For what? ” San wants to ask, desperately but doesn’t. He has a vague idea of what Wooyoung may be talking about, but now it’s not the time to rub salt in that wound.
“No,” Yeosang replies without a trace of hesitation.
“Then what?”
“I was scared.”
“Scared? You? You knew everything and were laughing behind my back!”
“You know Hongjoong was only teasing. And I wouldn’t laugh at you, no. I was afraid to be just another infatuation for you. I didn’t want to be another good-looking guy you talk and think about for a month or two, and then lose interest in.”
“But I was pining after you for a year if not longer!”
“Maybe because this time it was you and San,” Yeosang retorts defensively.
“Sangie, I… I would never.”
Yeosang shrugs nervously and looks away.
Wooyoung bites his lower lip, looking at San expectantly as if asking to interfere. But San shakes his head, refusing to do so. His story with Yeosang is much simpler and he is not the one who should make a call. Wooyoung pouts for a second but then squeezes his hand in a silent thank you, understanding where San comes from.
“If you don’t want, then we don’t have to become something more. Let’s just be friends. I can do that, San can do that.”
“But I don’t…” Yeosang mumbles the rest of the sentence incoherently, tugging at loose threads of his sweatpants.
“You don’t what?” Wooyoung prompts him, carefully making his way and kneeling on the floor next to Yeosang. San, after a brief consideration, sits on the couch, making sure to be in the line of Yeosang’s vision, but not getting too close to not to overwhelm the poor thing.
“I don’t want that. Being just friends. I want more.”
“But you are scared,” Wooyoung states matter-of-factly and turns away, glaring at the far wall.
The sudden silence becomes almost unbearable, and then Wooyoung takes a deep breath and turns back to Yeosang with the most earnest and openly vulnerable look on his face San has ever seen.
“I swear I really want to be with you. And San too, if you want him,” the telltale blush spreads on Yeosang’s cheeks, but Wooyoung wills himself not to pay attention to it. At least not right now. “I was scared shirtless, still am. Agonizing over losing you or San or both. Suddenly falling in love with you was one of the scariest but most wonderful things that happened to me. I wasn’t ready for such intense feelings, not knowing what will happen next. How it will affect us, the group. But I was ready to try. So-”
The rest of the sentence is swallowed by a kiss and San’s surprised squeak when Yeosang rushes forward, hanging over the edge of the couch, and effectively silences Wooyoung. The kiss is not heated or passionate, nothing like Wooyoung and San’s frequent make-out sessions. It’s a simple, gentle brush of lips to lips, it doesn’t even hold the promise of something more. But when Yeosang shifts, breaking the touch, Wooyoung is left dazed. Eyes closed shut, a pink blush spreading on tan skin, and an expression of utter relief on his face, worry lines smooth for the first time in what feels like months.
“Please do shut up,” Yeosang says, a teasing glint shining in his gaze. “How am I supposed to say yes if I can’t chime in?”
“Yes?” Wooyoung asks in a hushed voice, latching onto Yeosang’s hands, squeezing them tightly.
“Yes,” Yeosang nods, smiling reassuringly.
“Yes?” San asks too, tentatively, ready to get closer but still keeping his distance, doubting his right to be so close to two souls that just barely found each other.
“Yes,” Yeosang laughs quietly, disentangling one of his arms from Wooyoung’s grip and extending it to San, beckoning him to come closer.
When Hongjoong emerges from his room later at night it’s to the sight of all three of them sleeping on the couch soundly. He looks at them for a few minutes, noting the tangle of limbs, how adorably Wooyoung looks, snuggled against Yeosang’s chest, and how tightly San holds both of them even in sleep.
Hongjoong takes a few pictures, minding the flash, sends them to the group chat, draws the blanket over their sleeping forms, switches the upper light off, and with a final, relieved smile, lets them be.
At least until Yunho and Mingo see the pictures and burst into the leaving room thirsting for the details.