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It wasn’t necessarily that Liv had forgotten how painful getting shot could be. If anything, the fact that she wasn’t staring down a megalomaniac with a gun was a plus this time, though admittedly, the aftereffects of a bullet in the side were significantly trickier to deal with than they had been the last time.
Regeneration might have hurt, but at least it cleared things up nice and quickly.
Her head felt like a freight train had run through it, though she supposed that was to be expected with the blood loss and— judging by the wave of pain threatening to overwhelm her, sitting up was definitely not a good idea.
Noted.
Bleary-eyed, she tried again, and it took her an embarrassing amount of time to realise that the heavy feeling in her upper body was not, in fact, the result of medication or injury, but rather a hand on her shoulder, gently pressing her back against the bed— and probably doing a lot to make sure that she didn’t tear her stitches open.
Once she could work her way towards feeling anything but frustrated, Liv might find it in herself to be grateful.
“Sorry… Sorry.” The hand was pulled back quickly once Liv stopped trying to sit herself up, “Didn’t mean to startle you.”
While the voice was immediately surprising (in that it wasn’t Helen, or the Doctor’s), it took Liv’s sluggish mind an embarrassingly long time to actually place who it was that was standing beside her.
“No, no. No it’s alright, I just—” She took a deep breath, trying her best to clear her head. Whatever they’d given her for the pain it had to be strong— which quite frankly given the amount of pain she was still in, likely wasn’t a good sign. She wouldn’t like to see what it would feel like once the drug was out of her system.
She made a mental note to do some research about what she could actually take here— she was pretty sure that in a thousand years humanity might have developed some adverse reactions to what was common here.
Not now, though. Right now Tania was here and… Well, she tried not to feel too put out that her friends hadn’t come to see her.
She’d only been shot, after all.
“I didn’t expect anyone to be here.” She admitted, voice still sounding rather pained. “Not you. Helen and the Doctor, maybe…” She looked around— as best she could, at least, given that sitting up had proved to be such a poor idea.
She didn’t miss the shadow of something cross Tania’s face, though telling what she was thinking was always a difficult task.
Had she been rude? Probably. She could always blame it on the painkillers, down the line.
“The Doctor went all Sherlock Holms trying to catch the killer on his own. The police weren’t happy.” Tania said, looking a little hesitant to tell her.
Liv laughed.
Annoying as it was now they were stuck here to deal with the consequences, the Doctor’s lackadaisical attitude towards the law was something she’d had to deal with enough times that she was almost glad he’d gotten himself into trouble.
Of course, Liv herself didn’t have the best track record when it came to the law, but she could at least pride herself on the fact that she get caught, significantly less often.
“Sounds like him.” She said, clocking Tania’s mildly alarmed look, but not thinking too much of it. She figured most people probably would have been more concerned with the news that one of their best friends had been thrown in jail. “Bet Helen’s thrilled. Did she get stuck dealing with all that paperwork too?”
Tania took a breath, opening her mouth, and then closing it again, as though considering her next words carefully.
“I’ve got a mate at the station.” She eventually said, “Said he’ll sort it all out. It’s not like the Doctor was doing anything that bad. He… He reckons he can pass it off as being induced by the grief.”
“Oh, right, yeah, thanks.” She said, finding that, in typical fashion, she was already growing restless.
It should probably have struck her as ironic that she had, at some point, become the kind of problem patient she’d always hated treating.
A few seconds of awkward silence played out between them. Tania was brilliant, of course, and she’d been a godsend since they’d gotten stuck in this time period, but there was still a barrier, there. Realistically, she needed someone there who she could discuss her injuries with, and who knew about her peculiar biology.
It would help her work out just how much she’d have to lie.
“Where’s Helen, then?” She asked, hoping she didn’t come across as too rude. She appreciated their friend making the effort she just… Well, she wasn’t who Liv needed to see right now. “Is she cross with me? Because I promise I didn’t bait the guy into shooting me this time.”
Tania looked a little startled at that news, raising an eyebrow, but dismissing it with a slow “…Right…” Which implied that was a conversation they would have to pick up down the line.
She didn’t get an answer about Helen.
"Is she dealing with the police or something, then?" She tried again.
"Liv..."
"Cause obviously it's alright if she's busy but I'd like-"
"Liv." Tania tried a bit more firmly.
It was at least enough to make the Med-Tech stop speeking over her, which in her current state, was an achievement.
"Helen... After you were ran off to confront the killer." She said, each word coming out a little hesitently, as though she wasn't sure she should be saying it.
"Did she get him?" Liv asked, sounding almost hopeful. Of course, if Helen had managed to catch the killer, that did raise questions as to what on Earth the Doctor was up to getting himself arrested, but when had the Doctor doig something reckless ever been a shock to anyone.
"She..." Liv almost wishes she could see Tania's face properly, but it's tricky at this angle, and somehow she doesn't think she'll be getting any help sitting up. "He shot her. She... Helen." Tania lets out a breath she'd clearly been holding, "The Doctor should probably have been the one to tell you, but he's... Well. Helen- They reckon it was quick. She wasn't suffering."
Tania hadn't directly said it, but Liv had more than enough experience giving the families of patients bad news to see where all of this was heading.
That didn't mean that that information wasn't wholly at odds with everything she knew to be true in this world.
That didn't mean she had to accept it as true.
"What room is she in?" She asked quickly, any issue she'd had managing the strength to sit up before long gone now. Her body burned like fire now, but she didn't care, she had to get out of this bed and get to Helen.
She had to prove that Tania was wrong.
"Liv- Liv stop it, you're-"
"Helen!" She called, as though that was going to help anything. Her heartrate had spiked badly enough to call attention to her. There were people flooding into her room, but that wasn't what she was thinking about in that moment.
She had to get to Helen.
There was something warm and wet seeping into the front of her hospital gown, and her wound hurt far more than it had before. Something in the back of her mind told her she'd torn her stitches- she was making herself wortse, trying to force her way out of the bed despite the hands of the nurses on her.
That didn't seem important in that moment.
"Helen!"
Liv wasn't paying attention to what the doctors were saying around her. Her whole world was noise, and white hot pain, and that all consming need to get to Helen.
And then it all went black.
It was a pretty funeral. Liv didn't know much about burial customs at this time, but there were lots of flowers, even if there weren't all that many guests in attendence.
It was the sort of thing she thought Helen might have liked.
She wondered, idly, who'd organised it, with her under fairly strict supervision at the hospital, and the Doctor dealing with the grief in his own equally destructive way. Neither of them were the type to stick around and stew in their grief long enough that planning the funeral would be necessary, and yet here they were. Stuck.
It still didn't feel real, even as she looked at the plain wooden cross, and the shiny brass plaque nailed to it.
Helen Alice Sinclair
1988-2020
Helen had survived so much; Rykerzon, Salzburg, the Eleven, Caleera, the Master- she couldn't be taken away by a burgler and an unlucky bullet. It made no sense. How could a woman like that be reduced to five words on a piece of brass so quickly, and for so little.
Liv had told her to follow him. Helen had wanted to stay and help where she was safe, but she'd listened, and now she was dead and buried, and Liv was still standing.
She'd never forgive herself for that.
Despite the damage she'd done to herself, Liv was healing, far more quickly than she shold have been able to.The hospital hadn't initially wanted tp let her out, though after some badgering, and Tania agreeing to keep a close eye on her for the day to make sure she didn't do herself any further damage, she'd been let out.
Part of her almost wished she hadn't been.
They hadn't known enough people in 2020 for there to be much of a wake. The others from the house had come, as well as an old man who said he'd talked to Helen freuently on her walks, but nobody else.
The Doctor hadn't come, in the end. He wasn't one for goodbyes.
It wasn't surprising, with how thin the crowd had been, that Liv and Tania were the only ones left staring down at the freshly turned dirt rather quickly after all was said and done. They made a rather awkward pair, with Liv still leaning more heavily than she'd like on her crutches, and Tania clearly unsure of what to say that wouldn't set her off.
"Do you mind giving me a minute, with her?" Liv asked, more grateful than she could say, when she was indulged.
"Yeah, course. I'll wait for you by the gates, yeah?" She looked almost relieved to get the chance to walk away.
"Yeah, thanks."
She waited until she was alone to sit down on the freshly filled in grave, unsure of how acceptabe that kind of thing would be. It wasn't that she cared much what people thought, she just didn't intend to be stopped. She laid down on her side, so her head was resting where Helen's would be so many feet below.
"I was so in love with you." She said, though there was nobody there who could hear her now. "I really was. I always thought we'd... Someday, you know. Me and you. We were meant to have forever."
Her fingers curled into the dirt, and she became aware of tears welling in her eyes, but she couldn't bring herself to care.
"Come back." She whispered, her voice thick with unshed tears, "Me and you, time and space. There was so much left to see." When the earth didn't deem to respond, Liv shifted onto her side, her eyes, and took a shaky breath.
She'd wasted so much time being cautious with Helen, when she was so reckless with eveyting else. They could have been nothing, or they could have had years, and now she'd never know. Ther would always be a gaping hole in her life where Helen Sinclair should have been.
Liv couldn't let her go. She never had been able to.
"I want my friend back." She said, her voice shaking with the weight of it all. "I want my lovely-" She took a sharp breath, her body threatening to overwhelm her with emotion. "My lovely, beautiful, clever friend back." A sob escaped her, fat tears falling into the soil. "I... I want he-her just as she was, and I want her here, and..." She paused, as crying threatened to steal coherent speech from her. "and... now. That's my wish."
She waited for some effect, but there was none. The earth lay still beneath her.
This time, there was no miricle coming.
"That's my wish..." She repeated, mainly to herself, as she lay on the grave and weap. "That's my wish."